Chris Bumstead (5x Mr. Olympia): “I Started to CRY”! How Your SHAME is Tied to Your CHILDHOOD!

I want to be a better Mr. Olympia. I want to enjoy it more. I want to enjoy the journey, be more present. And it always almost brings you back to your childhood. I pulled up a picture of me as a kid. But I remember looking at it backstage, like, before getting on and just starting to cry a little bit. I mean, like, if that kid could have imagined being me right now, you know? Here's your ring. Defending five-time Olympia champion.

Everybody hear the crowd go wild?

Pubstarr! When I won my first Olympia, all I felt was relief that it was over. I didn't really feel joy and happiness and all these things because there was a lot of stress around the Olympia that I was just suppressing. Wow. All these fears are in my brain right now and I never even let them come up to think about them. I would just put them down. Never spoke about it. Never spoke about it.

And just letting that out, I just.

Like immediately felt better. But what people don't realize is that like when you feel that pain, that shame and insecurity, that is that little boy. It's the same person.

There's no separation there, you know? Wow, man. This is powerful. so happy that you're having this conversation right now. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest, the inspiring Chris Bumstead in the house.

My man. What's going on?

Good to see you, man. Happy to be here. Very excited about this. And the thing that I'm excited the most to talk about is the first thing you said when we embraced and hugged each other. Within a few moments, you said that you just got off a therapy call.

Yeah.

With your wife. And I was just like, I love this.

7 a.m. therapy call.

I was like, what? 7 a.m. therapy call. We're here in Vegas. And I was just like, I was so happy to hear this. One, because I've been doing therapy for years. And when I talk about therapy with people, I really look at it as emotional coaching. It's really a coach that supports me in understanding and navigating my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, and helps me improve who I am. Yeah. And so when you said this, I just thought to myself, this is awesome because you, to most people, are kind of the epitome of what a masculine man should look like or that a lot of men are striving to.

Yeah.

Mr. Olympia, five-time champion, you know, jacked, chiseled, strong beard. You're like, you're a man, right?

Bald now, but.

The first thing you said is you're going to therapy, which I'm just such a big fan of. So can you tell me when did you first start going to therapy? Did you go alone ever or did you do it with your wife originally when you were dating or how did this start for you?

I mean, I have a bit of a cheat code when I was younger because my mom was a social worker, not exactly a therapist, but she was very encouraging of getting help like that and therapy and all that stuff if you needed it. And I never really entertained it when I was younger. But it was more so when I started getting into the competitive bodybuilding world and going through a lot of pressure and stress and managing things. And then in 2018, I got kind of sick. And then in 2019, I was just kind of scared about being sick and I was trying to balance competing. Should I, should I not? My brain was just pulling me in all these different directions where I didn't know where to go. And I would just like, my mom always told me that a therapy session can just be a sounding board sometimes to organize your own thoughts, whether or not the therapist is there to actually give you insight. It helps you find your own insight as well. It's almost like a cheat code of journaling, especially the crazier life you live. I imagine yourself traveling around doing podcasts, me bodybuilding, everything. Sometimes it's hard to actually sit down and reflect inward about how you're feeling, what's going on, and what's not making you happy, what's making you sad, vice versa, and how to manage your life in the best way. And therapy is a great way to just put all that on the table, organize your thoughts, and create a game plan for life to put yourself in the direction you actually want to be going. rather than just running around aimlessly. So that's really kind of how it started. My wife now, Courtney, was seeing a therapist when we were first dating, and she reached out to me and she was like, you know, I can help you with some almost like performance coaching stuff, like you said. I got it to the right angle. Exactly.

So, like, I can help you enjoy.

Your Olympia more and be better at handling that pressure and job. I'm like, all right, that's got me, you know, that's got me hooked. I'll try it. And it was funny because and I mean, I can give a lot of examples of this and other people I've spoken to, too, but you often go into therapy because of a problem in front of you or a stress about this or, you know, I want to be a better Mr. Olympia. I want to enjoy it more. I want to enjoy the journey, be more present and not be so stressed out about it. And it always almost brings you back to your childhood. And I'm sure you've done therapy. I know you've experienced that. Everybody who's done real therapy with a good therapist, you know, it all goes back to your childhood. And, I did a really cool podcast with some Navy Seals. You talk about masculine, the biggest gangsters on the planet. These were tier one Navy Seals and they were talking about how they've done some work as well and almost all the Navy Seals they spoke to, when they're going through their stuff, they expect it to be all their trauma from the war and losing their brothers and all these things like that, which obviously hurt them greatly. But, a lot of their wounds come from their childhood too and to be able to heal those, allow them to move forward through all the other stuff they lived through in their life too. So I started to notice that as well and it plays into every aspect of your life, your relationship, your relationship with yourself, everything. So we started performance based trying to be better at Olympia and it slowly went back to my childhood. And I was like, I had the perfect childhood. My parents are still together. I was happy. I was good. I was good. I was great. And they were like, all right, sure. Let's try and unravel some things. And the more I unraveled, I was like, You know, I still didn't have anything like horrible happen to me, which I think a lot of people think.

You didn't have a big T trauma.

Exactly. Just because you didn't get hit in the face with a bat doesn't mean your head doesn't hurt, you know? Like, it's hard to kind of tell people that because they think nothing ever happened to me, which is exactly how I felt.

Yeah, you had loving parents and, you know, a good home and a safe environment and encouragement and all those things, right?

Yeah.

But what was the big wound or a little wound that became big over time that you never addressed?

A big one for me was feeling, I guess, not seen and not truly, like not fully important and valued. And I kind of felt like a little bit on the back burner because my parents tried their best and they did amazing, but there was a lot going on in life sometimes. And, you know, my sister was going through a lot who was older than me. And then I was the kid who was like good at sports doing this and that. So I was all kid. Don't worry about Chris. He's got it all together.

He's got it figured out.

He's good. You know, let's put our attention on your sister. Yeah, or the sister on this, on that, on everything else because he's got it together. And I saw that. So I was like, okay, well, I'm good at all this stuff and I don't want to add stress to my family. So I'm just going to hold it in, handle it all myself and kind of bottle it all down, compartmentalize and do my own thing. And, you know, I wasn't thinking that clearly like that when I was younger, but it's just naturally how you cope, you know, you build defense mechanisms. depending on your environment when you're young. So that was one of the ones I kind of did when I was younger. And to me, it was just normal. You know, I handle myself on my own. I don't really need a lot of connection. I don't really need a lot of intimacy. I'm just very independent and I can do things by myself. And then older and older I got, I started to realize partly in the Olympia, I bring a lot of stuff back because the Olympia has taught me so many things. But I, when I won my first Olympia, all I felt was relief that it was over. I didn't really feel joy and happiness and all these things because there was a lot of stress around the Olympia that I was just suppressing. And then my big story or lesson that I tried to share with people this year was that if you numb the bad, you numb the good. So as you numb your emotions, everything kind of gets dulled down. So I've tried to process all that, move through it, and I'd realized that as I compartmentalize everything in my life, I compartmentalize all the good, too. Now it's kind of just suppressing all these feelings. And then you get older and stuff just starts to feel dim and sad and alone and all these things and you don't understand why. And it's because I've created this environment where I don't let people help me or I don't ask for anything I need. I'm just like, I'll help everyone before myself and then I'm good on the side. And it leaves you kind of alone because everybody needs connection.

So, what was life like for you in your teens, early 20s and mid 20s until you started to dive into therapy. Was it always lonely and sad and depressing, or were there good moments, too?

There were definitely good moments. And it's almost hard for me to, like, communicate this sometimes, but I really try to because I know I'm not the only one who didn't have, like, this depressing childhood. But I also expect a lot of, like, myself. I don't want to just be like, well, I'm good. You know, I want to be great. I want to feel love and connection out and. closeness and everything. I don't want to drift apart from my wife in difficult times and all these things. I want to understand and grasp and be the best relational person that I can be. So, while I didn't really feel depressed or anything when I was young, I also didn't really feel like I had anyone that I could go out to and reach out to in hard times. And, if I was scared or sad about something, there was someone who I could lean on or talk to. I just felt like it was normal for me to hold that in myself. And, the reason it was tricky for me is because I knew that my parents did love me so much and I did have people who love me and if I were to share with them, they would be there for me, but I just felt like it'd be better to just hold it on myself because that's just the way that's just the way I operate.

Isn't that interesting? So you knew your parents loved you. You knew they would show up for you if you needed something.

Yeah.

But you didn't want to be a burden. Exactly. You didn't want to stress them out.

So you didn't want to show them.

That you needed support or help, right? Yeah, exactly. Isn't that interesting? You know, it's funny because we have about a 12 year age gap, I think. And so I grew up in the eighties and nineties. and I was never allowed to show emotion, cry, say that I was having a hard day without being made fun of or picked on or bullied or, you know, what other guys kind of just, like, picking on you and making fun of you. I was never really allowed to do that. So it took me until I was 30 years old, until I started to do more emotional healing and reflecting on kind of these traumas, little traumas, big traumas, everything. Yeah. and started to really release my emotions and heal them. And it's been a journey. But I love that you openly cry, you openly talk about your feelings, your emotions, and conversations like therapy because we just didn't have that. You know, 10, 12 years before you, that wasn't available. Now it's becoming more available. And I'm just so happy that guys like you are using your platform to express this. Yes, you're showing that you're like the most jacked human in the world. But you're also saying, Hey, listen, I'm willing to continue to improve on all areas of my life. And I really think of the ultimate man being someone who is emotionally evolved, not just holding their feelings in constantly and saying, I've got it figured out mentally, constantly growing, spiritually growing, and relationally growing. And it sounds to me like you're making an importance to value all of those things and financially as well. You're building your business, but you're telling me like I want to make my my wife and my relationship a high priority.

Yeah.

So I'm going to go to coaching, you know, once a month or whatever and work on this. I'm going to take care of my health, my nutrition, my mindset, my business, all these different things to become the most well rounded man that I can be, not just strong. Yeah. Physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. And I just think that's beautiful, man.

Yeah, for sure. And I mean, as you grew up, you know, obviously it's, it's so easy to have empathy for our past Generations of why they had to be like that, you know, like, going through a lot harder times than we have right now. You know, we're lucky we were even on an opportunity to, like, be able to, like, search for our emotions and relationships, because there was a lot of going on when our parents were coming up where they didn't, they didn't have that opportunity. They had to kind of, like, get through some hard times. So obviously they were like that. And now for each generation to kind of, like, move through those pains and kind of beat the previous generation's trauma. It's difficult.

Yeah.

But my parents, I think they still did a great job. Their parents were, I'm sure, a lot more shut off than they ever were. And my parents did a really good job at trying to do the best that they could with me. And while I still left with a little bit of irks and pains, I also came with the strength and the knowledge to work on them myself and enough belief in myself to do the work and understanding that I was worth doing that kind of work. So.

It was that you were worth doing the work. Did you not think you were valuable or worthy of doing that work beforehand?

I don't think I ever really processed it that much. You know, I think there were times where I didn't think I was worth the stress of worth putting stress on others by sharing how I was feeling. Like, burdening.

Burdening them with your emotions.

Burden with them. Exactly. Yeah. But obviously, as you start to unravel relationships, especially you learn it's not only is it not a burden, but it's actually a privilege for the other person to receive that. And it's very like hypocritical sometimes, especially as a man, you know, you're like you want your wife to come to you and hard time and lean on you because you can support them, but you don't want to do the same to them. It makes you feel special when they come, when they need something and they're sad and they come to you for protection, but you don't go to them. So they're not going to feel as important either. So it's a very much a give and take. thing. And like you said, I think it's very difficult in the masculine, in the way things are now. And I've always, not always, I've recently been trying to incorporate a lot better the masculine and the feminine energy with myself and just be better at that because it's really easy for a man to just focus, like I have a lot of bodybuilding going on, I have a lot of travel, I have business, I have all these things going on, a lot of things that's required of me. Sometimes you just shove everything down and go into work mode and be like, I'm gonna provide for my family. Let's dominate. Yeah, let's f*ck everything up.

Everyone up on stage.

Let's f*ck everyone up on stage. Win and dominate. My family's never gonna need to work again. Let's f*ck take care of 'em. But like, if they're not, if they're missing me at home emotionally and through.

Connection, then what's the point of doing all this work on the other side? You have to be able to balance both worlds together. Yeah, and this idea of balance, you know, I think I even heard you talk about balance at one point where I look at balance more as alignment. I think people try to balance and navigate everything where it's more aligning your values, your vision, and your lifestyle. in harmony with the people in your life, your health, your businesses. And sometimes you'll be out of balance of what the rest of the world looks like is balanced, but you'll be in harmony because you're communicating and you're working on those things in seasonal times. And so, man, that's so cool. Now, did you, did Courtney, your wife, did she inspire you to open up more about your feelings and kind of tap into the feminine side when you met her, or was that before you met her?

I think I've always been a little bit of a softer male.

Yeah.

You know, I've always been a little bit more emotional. I've never been like the intense, like gritty, like everyone up kind of thing. You know, I'm like, I'm at the Olympia. I'm making friends with people. I'm chill. I'm like, I'm here to win, but like, I'm not going to like step on your throat. Yeah, yeah. And I think, well, it's also cool with her. And she definitely inspired me way more. And a lot of men don't think women even want that. They think they want like that tough man on a horse who doesn't cry kind of thing. But what actually attracted Courtney to me, which was really cool, talk about law of attraction and people trying to find the right woman, trying to find someone who loves them for who they are. You have to actually show yourself to be loved for who you are. And, I put out a video in 2018 just being like, I was expected to win the Olympia that year. I was a young guy coming up, all this stuff going on, and that's when I got sick. Didn't win, came second. Still did really good, but I went through, I was in the hospital at four weeks out. I was really scared. I didn't think I'd be able to compete again. And I just had a lot of emotions going through me and I put out a video talking about all that. And I cried in the video and I was super vulnerable and I just shared how I was feeling and what I went through in that journey. And that was the video that she saw. She kind of heard of me, didn't know what, but then she saw this video and she's like, okay, this is that guy who's like, like you said, the big strong bodybuilding guy. And now he's on YouTube crying. Like there's a mismatch or something's different about him. and then she watched it. She's like, this guy's, this guy's got to be different. And she actually flooded my DMs. No way. Messaged me, hit me up. And I already had a crush on her from before because she was Miss Olympia in 2016. I was going after it in 2018, and I already had a crush on her. I'm like, damn, this girl's in my, my DM. This is crazy.

And then we just kind of hit it off.

But I, if I hadn't put that video up and decided to be vulnerable.

You wouldn't have attracted her. I wouldn't have attracted her. No, we wouldn't be together. We wouldn't have our baby girl on the way now. It was, it's everything would be different. One piece of content changed your life. Isn't that interesting?

Crazy.

But it was you being willing and having the courage to say, this is who I am and being willing to share and reveal this with others.

Exactly.

Why do you think most people hold back their emotions and their true authentic self in life?

That's a good question. I definitely don't have all the answers to that, but I think part of it is It hurts a lot more to be rejected for who you really are because then it's a real rejection. It means if you put your real self out there and it gets rejected, it means you're really not good enough. Oh, but if you put a fake self out there and people are like, I don't like that, you're like, it's not really me anyway. So like, it's a layer of protection. You're kind of protecting yourself from like.

A real stab in the heart, you know? How have you learned to trust yourself by revealing who you are? Being fully authentic, both privately and publicly, and also be okay if people don't like you, leave nasty comments, think you're a failure and reject you. How have you been able to handle those emotions and still be you?

I mean, it's been a long journey. And I think I owe the beginning part to my parents. You know, they really just, they always just told me just to be myself. And since then, it's kind of hard for me to that's why I couldn't put a camera on after Olympia and just give some hardcore thing. It was like, I'm sad and I'm gonna cry because I can't really put on a fake show right now. And I just. I'm not a good. I'm not a good liar. So I think I just did it. And I. Why were you sad from that one time?

Yeah.

Why were you sad afterwards? I was scared. You know, I was in the. I was in the hospital, truly, and they didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know if I was a gonna be able to compete, if I was gonna be sick for the rest of my life, if I was gonna have to be on meds for the rest of my life. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It was, I had put on like 20 pounds of water weight overnight and I was just, shins were inflamed. I was super inflamed. I'm like in the hospital alone, just like scared not knowing what's happening. And I just, again, I didn't know how to process all that. So I just bottled it all down, compartmentalized. They let me out to the hospital like three weeks out the Olympia. I'm like, I don't know what to do right now. So I'm going to go back into prep and I'm going to do the Olympia. I probably should have dropped out, but as my way of numbing my emotion, I'm like, if I put all my focus over here, I don't have to think about that. Wow. And then afterwards, all that emotion just started pouring out of me and all that fear and the unknown of what the future held and what was going on with me and just all that kind of anything around your health can be really scary.

So what has been your biggest fear most of your life?

My biggest fear. That's a good one.

Like what was it personally for you that was either the insecurity or the fear that you think was underneath everything you were doing, because it sounds like you have a better handle now on those fears and you're processing a lot more. But before you started processing, you know, before you won and started to figure it out, what was that big weight and fear you were carrying?

I think there was a. A fear that if I. If I, like, tried to lean on someone and rely on someone to, like, hold me while I was falling or whatever, or when I needed someone to lean on that they might not be there for me. So instead of ever leaning on anyone, I just didn't. And it was easier to protect myself like that and just, like, create this facade that I can handle all on my own, because it's a lot scarier. Like I said, the same concept of putting your true self out there to be rejected. If I try and lean on someone who I need and they're not there for me, that's really gonna hurt. So I was just like, no, I'm.

Not gonna do that. Wow. what is the greatest rejection you ever had?

Greatest rejection I ever had.

The one that, like, really hurt you. And maybe it was like a, you know, maybe it was a small thing, but it really hurt you in a big way. For whatever reason, I don't know if.

I can pinpoint one, honestly.

Is it like a girlfriend that rejected you, or was it like you went after something you cared about and you didn't get the part or you didn't win the competition? Was there something you were like, I feel like a loser and rejected?

I'm sure there were some more mo- there's a lot of my childhood I don't really remember. I don't have the- you- blocked it out? I didn't block it out because it was bad. I think maybe as I was kind of pushing aside some emotions, I pushed aside some memories too. But I do have some memories of after there has already been some of this pain in me when I was really young, giving talks and speeches and stuff or something in class where I had to get up in front of people and getting made fun of for my lisp. something like that and just feeling like really small and like really embarrassed and just like, I don't want to ever talk in front of people again.

Oh man.

That created some stage fright in me and like public speaking anxiety and all that stuff, which I think most people have, but it was pretty extreme for me. But I can't remember an exact giant rejection at any point really.

I mean, I have a similar, you know, my childhood is very similar in the fact that I would get made fun of when I would the teacher would ask us to read aloud, open up chapter one and read aloud, and each kid would go around and I couldn't read the words. I had dyslexia and I had a second grade reading level in eighth grade. I just couldn't comprehend and understand what I was reading. So it was very intimidating for me to stand in front of my peers and read or speak at all. And I think I channeled a lot of that anger into sports to say, let me prove people wrong who are making fun of me. let me find somewhere where I do have abilities and skills so I don't feel like a loser and rejected. Is that what you started to do with. With bodybuilding and lifting? Kind of like make yourself be seen and bigger and stronger so that no one could hurt you that way?

I think in a way, it was never. I was never an anger for me or anything like that, but I did. I did start to see when I started working out at a young age. put on muscle very easily. Obviously have good genetics. Started to get some attention for that. It felt good. And there was a way to be like seen and important in some way. So I was like, let's keep doing this. And then in forms of, when it's hard to like feel a lot, like you see people like the crazy free climbers who like climb whatever Yosemite was no ropes or anything. Yeah. Those guys are probably numb as hell just trying to feel some kind of feel something. just to get that rush out of it, you know? And when I would compete, it was something that really scared me to be on stage in front of all those people. And it was a lot of, like, it was a lot of suppression and pushing things aside and just working really hard and focusing on one thing. And then at the end, it's a big feeling at the end. So I was like, all right, if I work really hard for this one.

Day, there's a big feeling at the end. If I work for a year, exactly.

Every day it busts my butt.

I'll have, like, two minutes of feeling release.

Exactly.

Isn't that crazy? It's insane. Yeah. It's kind of like Olympians. They trained for 10, 12, 15 years for one minute. For a minute race or a minute swim or one game or whatever it might be for the chance of gold.

Every four years.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, at least I get it every year.

That's true. Have you seen the documentary Weight of Gold?

No.

It's an incredible documentary where it's interviewing a lot of Olympic gold medalists or Olympic medalists. talking about the depression, the anxiety, the stress, the overwhelm, the loss of identity after winning the Olympic gold medal. Because they go for their whole lives for something and they think it's supposed to feel like euphoric, life changing. And like they're gonna have joy and happiness now. But they still have to face the stuff within them. So the documentary covers a lot of athletes that committed suicide and their friends and family members that within a year who committed suicide or just who never returned back to themselves because of the weight and the pressure. So you were training for years for these, for this one moment on stage. And when you got it, it wasn't what you wanted, right? The feeling.

It was.

What was the feeling you thought you were to get? And what was the feeling you received?

I mean, I guess the first year I won, like I kind of mentioned before, I thought I was going to just have, like, this overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment and joy. Just like, I did it. You know, I'm accomplished.

I've got it all.

Like, I did it. I'm the man. I'm the man, yeah. And what I felt, I just remember feeling relief. Like, just relieved it was over. Relieved I didn't have to do it anymore.

Relieved it was done.

Relieved I made it there. Like, I was just like, thank God. Like, on stage you're thinking that. Yeah, literally. It was like, you kind of relax your shoulders like, you know, which is crazy. And I remember going at and you have this 10 layers of spray tan, just like brown paint all over you.

You're sweating, you're just like, and I.

Remember you always love going to take a shower to get that off. You remember going in the shower and like crying because I was expecting to feel all that joy and I didn't get it. And it was almost like this disappointment afterwards where I was like, what am I missing right now? Like, why am I feeling all this? And that was a huge pivotal moment in my life where I was like, this isn't right. There's no way I'm going to dedicate this much of my life sacrifice this much to feel like this. There should be there. Pay off at the end.

Yeah. There should be something better than this.

Yeah. And I. And I believed. I didn't think that the journey I was on was wrong. I just think of the way I was approaching it was wrong. So I was like, there's got to be a way where I can change other aspects of my life and manage my mind and other things better so that when I get to there next year, then I do this again, I'm able to enjoy it and have a lot more fun.

So the journey you were on wasn't wrong, but it was the process that you were implementing, which was off. So the process before it sounds like, I'm going to work as hard and do whatever it takes to win, to prove myself that I can do it, or whatever it might be, get this monkey off my back, whatever it is. And at the end, you didn't get the feeling you wanted, which was, I guess, a better sense of peace or freedom or love or self-acceptance or whatever you wanted.

Yeah.

So how did the process change mentally, spiritually, and emotionally to enjoy life every single day as opposed to wait for the result to feel better?

Yeah. Good question. So a lot of what translated, and again, I relate almost everything to the Olympic because it's been such a bulk of my life, but a lot of what translated into that feeling was the fact that I got so sick in 2018. that I spent 2019 afraid I was gonna get sick again. And instead of really processing the amount of fear I had in the past and like truly at one point I thought I was gonna die in the hospital. It wasn't that bad. I was just, I was creating that kind of fear and anxiety in my mind and I never really accepted that. I felt that and allowed myself to process through that and move on from it. I just was kind of like, don't feel like that, push it down. So it was still in there. So all of 2019, I'm like, I don't wanna be back in the hospital. I don't wanna be back in, I was just living like that. instead of being in the moment and I wasn't allowing myself to really allow those emotions to come up. So in 2020, the next year, I remember my life always goes in like this depending on prep. So after Olympia, it's like this kind of low, I didn't really feel great and I'm kind of working myself back up. So doing a little bit of therapy then, I didn't have the therapist I had now, which I wish I had because she's the beast.

But 2020 is when you kind of.

Started therapy a little bit.

2019 ish.

2019, okay. And so started doing that. And then I felt a little bit better cuz I wasn't in prep, wasn't Olympia mode. You get a little bit busy with business starts picking up travel for sponsors, all this stuff. And I'm like, ah, push that stuff aside. I feel okay right now. Yeah. And then all of a sudden prep starts again and I'm like, there's that fear again, that feeling, that pressure, that fear of getting sick again, this expectation now, you know, I won last year, but people were like, did you really deserve to win? It was pretty close. You shouldn't have won. And I'm like, well, I have to dominate this year so they don't question me this time. And all these things going on and I remember sitting on my stairs with Courtney and just like kind of sitting there. I think we were going to the gym or something and she just noticed something was up with me. She's like, what's going on? I'm like, nothing. I'm fine. And then she's like, what's going on? She just kind of pried me enough and this is like she's helped me so much with this because if you were to ask me how I feel, I'm fine. Yeah. And I would believe it. And then you asked me 10 more times and I'm crying on the stairs and I'm like, damn, what's in this right now? And she's like, what are you feeling? I'm like, I'm scared. I'm scared I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose again. And then they're gonna prove that I shouldn't have won last year. I'm scared I'm gonna get sick. I'm not even gonna make it on stage. I'm scared I shouldn't be competing and I'm putting my health at risk. And this is so stupid. Like, bodybuilding is not healthy. I have an autoimmune disease. Why am I doing this? This is dumb. I'm gonna hurt myself. All these fears are in my brain right now. And I never even let them come up to think about them.

I would just put them down.

You never spoke about it. Never spoke about it. And just letting that out and crying with her and talking about it, I just like immediately felt better.

It's a release.

It was just release. And she was just like, she just listened. She just heard me and with like a sounding board. And I just felt this pressure off of me. And I was like, wow, like that, I feel better now. Like let's go to the gym.

Let's go work out.

It was great. I actually feel better now. It's not like it's pushed out and I can go perform. It's like, no, I'm really here right now and I feel better. And I think that's a huge thing that a lesson that I love to share, especially to men, is that You know, cuz we, there's always that joke with your wife, she tells you a problem, you're like, all right, how do I fix it? What's the solution? And it's like, no, she's just trying to release it. And if men were better at understanding that there doesn't need to be a solution. Sometimes you just need to let that energy out to speak about it, to allow it to exist, to accept it's there, sit with it for a minute, and then just see how you feel. And usually you feel a little bit better and then you move forward in it. And then by embracing those things and allowing those kind of fears to come up and mean to talk about it, It allowed me to be a lot more present because I wasn't fighting those down. So I allowed that fear to come up. I had a moment of it. And then I went to the gym and I was like, I feel really good here. You know, I'm excited.

Like, I can do this.

You got more energy. I had more energy. I just had it pouring into me, just a larger sense of belief, some more pride, just more emotion, period, more feeling that I hadn't, because I hadn't been suppressing all of it. And then that whole Olympia prep was kind of a back and forth of that. I wasn't perfect, but I was learning how to bring things up. and it was also COVID. So, I mean, horrible things happened during COVID but it was a blessing in disguise for me because I had no distractions. I couldn't travel. I couldn't do anything else. I was at home all day, just bodybuilding, sleeping, connecting with my wife, chill and therapy, just cycling that in. And that was it. And then that year on stage was completely different. The whole peak week, I was present, I was enjoying it, I was having fun. I won that Olympia and the people were shocked at how much better I looked. My whole body, looked younger, bigger, leaner, healthier, like everything was just more vibrant. My confidence on stage was different. Like everything about me was like a different bodybuilder on there and I got a perfect score. I won and there was no question if I deserved to win that one or not. They were like, forget about the last.

Guy, Chris is the champ. Wow. It wasn't even like close.

It was undeniable. You're saying that transformation is one of my most like proudest physical transformations. Year one to two, 19 to 20. because it was such a big change.

Now, what I'm hearing you say, correct me if I'm wrong, that you did a lot of the same things physically. You ate a lot of the same food. You trained in a similar way. You slept in the same bed. You know, there wasn't. You were in the same relationship. You didn't change anything, really. Maybe minor tweaks, except your thoughts and your emotions. Yeah, that's all I've changed.

Yeah.

And what I'm hearing you say. By changing your thoughts and emotions within a year period consistently, healing, processing, improving and growing and transforming them, you looked and became a completely different human being on stage in one year to the point your success was undeniable. Is that what I'm hearing you say? Correct me if I'm wrong. I just want to make sure we got this right.

No, you're putting into nice words, but yeah.

Wow, okay. So thoughts and emotions started to shift and transform. and physically, you became and looked different.

Yeah.

Isn't that interesting?

It's crazy. Yeah. I wish I.

Wait, there was no, like, different supplements you took or, like, you didn't eat, like, some steroid chicken or, you know, something different.

Probably less supplements that year because I was like, I'm caring more about my health now. I'm gonna, like, see what I can get away with. And it was. It was that whether. And I think it's a combination of, like you said, I. that the energy I released and brought into my body and allowed to circulate allowed me to also probably sleep better, therefore recover better, therefore train harder and all these things. But also, I think it just, there's something I don't know how to explain. I'm sure people are better than me, but I think there's some, like, misunderstood thing within ourselves of how much our emotion affects our physical body. And the biggest translation, and I hear a lot of stuff about this now because I've done a lot of kind of research into autoimmune stuff, which is based off stress, inflammation, kind of like disorder within the body. And, you know, in 2019 I won and I got through it, but I still had like some physical inflammation. I was holding some water in my shins, you know, I wasn't fully healthy. And in 2020 it was like I was like reversing my autoimmune disease. Like I was getting healthier through PrEP, which was like inexplicable, you know, like I, I really, I really don't think I should be able to still compete given what happened to me. in the past, but my body's gotten healthier every year.

What did you do besides the, you know, the emotional and mental release and healing? What did you do physically that allowed for that, you think? Was there a different style of eating supplements, nutrition that you incorporated?

Not since the year before, no, because in 2018, I changed a lot. I got a lot healthier. I eat organic foods and eat fast food. I started to treat my body more like the fuel that wouldn't matter rather than just get protein in even if it's from McDonald's.

I gave that up.

Is that what you're doing before?

When I was young, yeah, for sure.

It was a lot of fast food just as much as you can. I need to get calories in, I'd go get a burger. But I changed all that years before. But in 2020 with all that, I didn't really change much. I maybe was allowed to rest more because of COVID like I said, and stuff, but there wasn't a lot I changed. and since then I've added more physical things, like I do a lot of stem cells and peptides and a lot of different type of therapies now, but back then I didn't have the knowledge.

Or the means to afford that stuff anyways. What would you say is kind of the optimal diet for you right now? To keep you healthy, but also building mass and allowing you to compete? What is that ultimate diet for you?

I mean, really just Whole Foods. I keep it super simple. I think if when I'm done competing, and it's not about that, I'll eat a lot less, a lot less carbs, higher fat, because I just personally feel better. And I think everyone has to experiment of what feels best for them. But the number one diet that anyone asks me, like, what's the best diet? I just say whole foods.

What does that look like for you? What do you eat on a typical day when you're training to stay healthy, but also to build mass and stay lean?

It's usually five or six meals a day. It's been five recently because I've been traveling so much. But I try and lighten it up and make it a little bit more fun, but I'll have bison eggs and avocado in the morning with some ghee butter and coffee with MCT. So, really high fat. And then I have some basic chicken and rice, chicken and turkey after that. Maybe a wrap at night, some kind of homemade burrito. Courtney's super into organic healthy foods. So, she gets all these organic minimal ingredient, like almond flour wraps and all this stuff.

And she makes stuff for me.

Just super simple stuff.

Are you trying to do mostly protein and some fiber and vegetables or what's kind of like the, and fats? What's the ratio would you say? Is there?

I've never done the whole macro thing.

I don't have a concrete ratio on it. Really?

Are you weighing your foods daily or are you just? I haven't been recently, but when I'm like seriously into stuff I do, and I'm mainly in my off season, I just, I'm very like knowing of my body, my body weight right now, and I eat so similar all the time. I'll just like start with something. Eat it the same. I'm like, I need to put on way more weight. I'll add more to it. Interesting. And I, because I'm just very consistent with it.

But I really just try and hit.

Like about 300 grams of protein.

300 a day.

300 a day. Yeah.

Oh my God, that's a lot of food. It is a lot of food. 300 grams of protein? Yeah. So give me a calculation. What is 300 grams of protein in the foods that you're eating? What does that look like?

Approximately. Yeah. What is that? It's like five chicken breasts and 20 eggs. Like, what is that?

I mean, I don't know based off.

Chicken breast size, but it's probably like in the morning. the 180 grams of bison with three whole eggs.

What is 180 grams? Like a half a pound of meat or something?

Or, like, 425 grams, I think, is a pound. Okay, so a little under a half a pound. Okay, a quarter pound or something. Yeah, about that. And then I'll have, like, 220 grams of chicken, probably two times, and then, like, 220 grams of turkey once. And then I'll have, like, a protein shake with, like, 50 grams of protein in it.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, they're.

It's a good amount.

Now, what is the key to burning fat and building muscle at the same time? Is that even possible? I always hear people say you've got to put on like the bulk first, the bulk phase, then you can slim down. Is it possible to burn fat and build muscle and stay lean at the same time?

It's, it's very dependent on where your body is. You know, if you're someone who has never worked out and you're like 300 pounds overweight, then of course it is. you know, you can, your body can change with some very minimal work. But if you're like me in prep already, then it's very hard, you know? I'm just trying to maintain as much muscle as possible because I'm already at a very elite level of muscle and a low level of body fat. So it's harder to make those changes. So I really can't answer. It's very dependent on the person. The least trained you are, the easier it is to put on muscle and lose fat. And then the more, like, regimented and strict you are, the harder it is. Really?

Man. But you're really intentional about your nutrition right now.

Yeah.

What you consume, right?

Yeah.

How important is it to take over-the-counter supplements like protein powders, protein bars, vitamins? Is that important or do you put more the importance on getting it within the Whole Foods?

I'm all about Whole Foods. And I always say that I own a supplement company and I still tell people, what's the best supplement? I'm like Whole Foods. you know, if you can get it from food, it's always better. And obviously there's this kind of crisis going on right now of a lack of nutrients in our foods based off farming and pesticides and mass produce everything and all that stuff. So it's kind of hard to manage and I think a lot of people therefore need to supplement a lot. And I take some supplements, but I think the healthier you eat, the less you need. And if I wasn't trying to get 300 grams of protein in a day, I probably would only have a shake when I feel like When I want one, because I wouldn't need to add that extra protein.

Really? But you need to get a certain.

Amount so you're going to supplement it with water and protein. Exactly. It's a lot easier than eating another chicken breast.

After a while it gets hard to put that down. Gosh, man. And you can't really put sauces or anything on it.

You've got to really keep it. As long as I'm not in prep, I can. Okay. But when I'm deep into prep, then I'm allowed some hot sauces, kind of, but then they mess up my digestion.

So my coach tells me I'm not.

And then I'm just allowed like yellow mustard. That's it.

Now, when you're getting into prep mode, what is that? Three months out where you're like, I'm really.