DO THIS Daily To PRIME YOUR BRAIN To Be It's Best! | Lewis Howes

For anyone that's thinking about their morning routine and brain fog, you know, there's no reason why in your morning water you might just put a little tiny pinch of salt. And if you're drinking a lot of coffee in any form or caffeine in any form, I should say, then you.

So what's the routine then? The ultimate morning and evening routine to set your brain and your mind up for optimal performance and not getting brain fog.

Okay. I will describe that. by listing out the protocol first, and then I'll give some of the scientific mechanisms second. Because in the past, what I've tended to do is give the mechanism and then give the protocols. I know some people, it's like, you know, enough of these academic guys. They'll just give me the, give me, tell them, just tell me what to do. But if people want the mechanism, I'd be happy to flesh that out.

Yes.

I should say that what I will mention is not everything I do. So, for instance, I get up and like most humans, I use the restroom and I have a glass of water. I do those things. So, I'm not listing every right foot, left foot step through the morning. But the things that are geared towards getting the mind into a proper place, for me, I'll describe it as my routine. I generally get up somewhere between 5:30 and 7:00 in the morning, depending on when I went to sleep. I'm not super regular about when I go to sleep, but generally that's between 10:30 and midnight.

Yeah.

You know, I try and avoid that midnight hour, but happens. So I get up, obviously, I use the restroom. I drink some water. I do think that hydrating is very important.

Yes.

So I will. I'll drink some, some water. And then the fundamental layer of health is to set your circadian rhythm. The simplest way to do that is to go outside for 10 minutes and get some bright light in your eyes. I'll just list off some of the things that People always ask, what if you wake up before the sun rises? Well, simple rule, if you want to be awake, turn on as many bright lights in your house as possible, but then when the sun comes out, excuse me, get outside and see some sunlight. You do not have to look directly into the sun, but you do want to get outside out of shade cover if you can. Don't wear sunglasses if you can do that safely. Don't try and do this through a window. Don't try and negotiate with me on this point.

Go outside.

What about a window? Well, the filtration of the important wavelengths of light through the window is just too high, and so it would take hours for you to set your circadian clock that way. You want to do this because once every 24 hours, you're going to get a peak in cortisol, which is a healthy peak. You want that peak to happen early in the day because it sets up alertness for the remainder of the day. There are really nice studies done by my colleagues in Stanford Psychiatry and Biology Department showing that if that cortisol peak starts to drift too late in the day, you start seeing signs of depression. It's actually a well-known marker of depression. so you want that cortisol almost stressed out kind of, ah, the day's beginning, I have a lot to do feeling, that's a healthy thing, you want that happening early in the day. The sunlight will wake you up, and what's really cool is that over time you'll start to notice the sunlight waking you up more and more. The system becomes tuned up. If you miss a day, it's not the end of the world because it's a, as we call it, a slow integrating system, but don't miss more than one day. And if you live in an area where it's very cloudy outside, just know that the sunlight, the photons coming through that cloud cover are brighter than your brightest indoor lights. Now, if you live in a very dark region of the world or it's unsafe or purely impractical to get outside in the morning, then it might make sense to get a sunrise simulator or one of these lights, but they tend to be very expensive. What I recommend people use instead is it just a ring light, a blue light. This is a case where you can blast your system.

Wow.

So get that morning light. It sets a number of things in motion, such as your melatonin rhythm to happen 16 hours later to help you fall asleep. I would say this is the fundamental step of any good morning. And if you don't do this enough, you are messing yourself up in a number of ways. Does this mess with digestion also?

Yeah, so every cell in your body.

Has a 24-hour clock. All those clocks need to be aligned.

To the same time.

So imagine a clock shop with lots of different clocks, and you don't want them alarming off at different times. this sunlight viewing or bright light viewing early in the day, I would say within 30 to 60 minutes of waking up for about 10 minutes, or if it's very cloudy, maybe 30 minutes or so, that activates a particular type of neuron in the eye called the intrinsically photosensitive retinal ganglion cell. If people want to look that up, signals to the circadian clock, which is right above the roof of your mouth, but that is the master circadian clock that then releases a bunch of signals into your body. This all happens very fast, and every cell in your body gets tuned to the exact same time reference point so that your system can work as a nice concert of cells as opposed to ad a whack. Your gut has a clock, your liver has a clock, your heart cells have a clock, every skin cell has a clock. And for those that are not incentivized enough by the cortisol stuff and all the other things, actually the replenishment of stem cells in the skin, hair and nails is activated by the system. So hair grows more readily, skin turns over and nails grow more quickly because you have stem cells, literally cells that release more cells that become new hair cells or new skin cells and new cells that make up the nails. So skin hair and nails also benefit and it has to be light exposure to the eyes. When we talk about all these things like the gut and the skin, et cetera, it's tempting to say, oh, it's sunlight on the skin. No, It's actually only can be signaled through the eyes because the clock lives deep in the brain, that master clock, and you need the signal to get to that master clock.

So don't wear sunglasses.

If you can avoid wearing sunglasses safely, right? There are people, for instance, who have macular degeneration who have to avoid bright lights and they know this because their ophthalmologist tells them. If you wear corrective lenses, contacts, even if it has UV filtration, that's fine. In fact, if you think about what an eyeglass or a contact lens does is it focuses light onto the eye, actually on the retina on the back of the eye, whereas looking through a window filters it. It blocks a certain amount of light coming in, even if it's a very clear window. So go outside if you wear glasses fine, if you wear contacts fine, and if you can get out on a porch and be east facing in the morning when the sun comes up, great, you don't need to see the sun cross the horizon. but ideally you see the sun when it's at what we call low solar angle, it's not directly overhead. If you wait two or three hours after waking up to get bright light in your eyes, you are setting yourself up for a complicated sleep-wake cycle that leads to a lot of what we call insomnia.

So, this is important to do in the first 60 minutes of waking up, get outside, 10 minutes. You don't have to be in the sun, but you want to be able to look and see the sun, right? Is it okay to be in the.

Shade or you want the sunlight hitting your skin also? It depends on how bright it is. So for instance, this morning I woke up because of where I live, there's a lot of tree cover, but I saw that the sun was, there were a lot of shadows, but it was casting a nice patch of light in the street right out in front of my house. So I'm the weirdo that walked out there with my coffee. Actually, I delay my coffee. It was with my water in the morning. I'll talk about why I delay coffee. And I, I'm leaning against a tree, I confess I was text messaging at part for part of that. Forgive me, I'm human. And catching the sunlight coming in through my eyes for a few minutes, I allow myself to blink, obviously.

You want to look directly at the sun?

You don't want to look directly.

There's a safety issue.

I guess if it's a lower horizon. It's not that intense. We have a built-in safety mechanism, which is if you need to blink and close your eyes, close your eyes. But yeah, I got sunlight in my eyes. I get the weird looks from my neighbors, but they know me and they do it too. Sometimes they'll join me. naturally do this. They'll migrate to the Sun. So then I go inside. It's 10 minutes or so. It seems like a long time, but it is so beneficial. And then inside, if I want to be awake, I try and turn on as many bright lights as I can. One of the big mistakes that we've made in the last few years as a culture is assuming that blue light is bad. During the day, lots of blue light is great because that's the best signal for these cells that wake up your system. It activates all sorts of important hormone pathways and wakefulness pathways. Interesting. It can reduce brain fog in some sense.

Sure.

It's in the evening that you want to avoid blue lights and bright lights of any kind. We can talk about that. Okay. So then I come back inside and then I do not drink caffeine right away. It's important in many ways to delay caffeine enough so that you can clear out some of the chemical signals in the brain and body that lead to a feeling of fatigue. So, the longer you're awake, the more a molecule called adenosine builds up in your system. And when you sleep, you push that adenosine level back down. When you wake up in the morning, that adenosine level can be zero, but oftentimes there's still some hanging around. Caffeine is an adenosine antagonist. It blocks adenosine function. It's a little more complicated than that, but effectively what it does. So if you wake up and you've got, let's say 20%, this is arbitrary, but 20% of your adenosine still hasn't been cleared out, that's sort of a drowsiness that you woke up with. Then you go and you drink your coffee and you crush that ability of adenosine to have that effect, but it hasn't gone away. So that when your coffee wears off mid-morning, now that adenosine is there and you feel like there's a mid-morning crash or an afternoon crash. So I delay my caffeine intake for about 90 and ideally 120 minutes after I wake up. Because in that way, you bring your adenosine level down very, very low to zero, and then you don't get this rebound crash in the afternoon. For years, I would get this post-lunch crash, and I thought, maybe I'm eating too much for lunch, which I probably was, or maybe I'm eating the wrong foods. Turned out it was all related to my timing of caffeine. And your system learns how to wake up naturally. You get the natural cortisol and adrenaline. Give it the time. Give it the time. And people hate this one because it's a little painful for the caffeine addicts, but I'm a pretty serious caffeine addict and I embrace that. And I'll tell you, it also makes.

The joy of the coffee so much greater.

You're like waiting for that, you're savoring it. It tastes so much better. And that relates to the dopamine system, which I know we're gonna talk about later. I sometimes will drink yerba mate instead of-- yeah, I love mate. Mate has a-- you- put honey in it or anything?

I do.

Sweet tea or something. I don't really like sweet stuff too much. I wish I had that disease. Yeah, it's-- you- know, I wish I had it. I like savory things and salty things. I like yerba mate for a number of reasons. I don't like the really smoky mates. And my dad's Argentine, so I grew up drinking mate. But- you- don't speak Spanish, though, do you? I speak four words of Spanish and those I speak poorly. Is your dad fluent?

He's fluent.

Come on.

I know.

Parents who are- How do you- that's a crime, isn't it? It's a crime. Well, it's not a crime I committed. I love the mate. I'm not a mate committed. Well, bilingual parents, please. Encourage your children to learn multiple languages. Musicians, parents.

Teach your kids the instrument.

Have you ever seen the people who play guitar in college? Let's just say their lives are better than everyone else's.

What are the benefits, as we're just as a side point here, I was just talking about Mate, what are the benefits of learning two languages in early childhood development over only learning one?

Well, probably multiple benefits, in addition to the practical benefits in life and job opportunities.

Connection, relationships.

Absolutely. And there's, well, and relationship opportunities, if you're ever with someone, I was in a relationship for several years with somebody who was from France and spoke French. And I eventually picked up some French and I could understand, but I could never really understand the subtlety of the humor. And so there was a lot that we couldn't share, unfortunately. So there are multiple reasons to do that. I mean, there are many, many reasons to learn languages, but from a brain perspective, I mean, you've got this, as we see in neural architecture, these areas of the brain that are devoted to language, primarily on the left side, but really there's functionality on both sides. And those areas are like a template for whatever language you're exposed to. You can pack a lot more into that neural real estate if you learn multiple languages, and that affords you a flexibility at better language learning for new languages. So, you know, the languages that are Latin-based, so you could learn French as as a child and speak English and then find it easier to speak Italian or learn Italian, find it easier to learn French. Just like if you learn how to play the oboe as a child, the guitar is actually going to be easier for you just because of the neural circuits for understanding scales and pitch and these kinds of things. You can tell I'm not a musician. Those are there. So I think there's a tremendous utility to it. But the mate is for the caffeine. The mate also tends to be, you know, it's never a pleasant topic, but it's somewhat of a laxative, which I think keeping digestion flushing your system. And it contains something called glucagon-like peptide-1, GLP-1. GLP-1 is something you're going to hear a lot more about in the years to come. It's actually now in clinical trials for the treatment of diabetes and obesity. It enhances lipolysis, the conversion of fat into energy. And it's just a-- so does that.

Mean it helps you burn fat?

It helps you burn fat. It helps you-- we should be careful because sometimes this gets tricky. It helps you utilize fat as an energy source.

And not needing the sugar.

Right, whether or not you visibly lose fat or not will depend on whether or not you're in a caloric deficit. But it helps shuttle, direct the metabolism, let's say, toward using fat stores as an energy resource, which is very good. And it also has some indirect effects on blood sugar regulation through the insulin management pathway.

And that's in Monty's Caffeinated or no caffeine?

Oftentimes it's caffeine and oftentimes it can be very high caffeine.

The one that I like and I thought you said no caffeine until 90 minutes after, right?

Right, so I'm not touching mate until 90 to 120 minutes after waking up. It was we were talking about coffee, sometimes I'm drinking coffee, sometimes I'm drinking mate. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And if I'm really going for it, I really have this doing both. I like to see the mate and the coffee, and I like to just sip one then the other. Mate is kind of nice too because it contains electrolytes, so it's not as depleting. Dehydrating. Yeah, well, your neurons run on sodium, magnesium, and potassium. That's how neurons fire. Sodium ions rush into the cell. If you're low in sodium or you're dehydrated, your brain isn't going to work as well. So, caffeine in the form of coffee is great, but you should probably drink two volumes of water for every one volume of coffee you drink in order to Hydrate. And a lot of people feel jittery when they drink caffeine or they feel lightheaded or they suddenly get hungry. Oftentimes that's because they're sodium depleted. I think 2022, I think we're also going to hear a lot about the value of salt. Salt is an essential nutrient. Obviously, people with hypertension should not be consuming too much salt, but there's a lot of good science now to support the fact that if you're feeling lightheaded or you feel like you have quote unquote low blood sugar, oftentimes taking a little pinch of salt, putting in some water and drinking that, maybe with some lemon juice to adjust the taste. All of a sudden, your shaking stabilizes, you feel more alert. Why? Because salt and water have an interesting relationship. It increases blood volume and oftentimes then you're getting more blood flow to the brain simply by increasing your sodium intake.

And so I think we're- so Mate's.

Got a lot of those ingredients. Mate doesn't have electrolytes. It doesn't have salt. I would say for anyone that's thinking about their morning routine and brain fog, there's no reason why in your morning water you might just put a little tiny pinch of salt. And if you're drinking a lot of coffee in any form or caffeine in any form, I should say, then you want to be sure you're getting enough sodium. And you'll notice that if you drink a lot of caffeine that you'll crave sodium. And this has a whole relationship in the kidney and aldosterone, and we don't have time to go into it. I always make sure that if I'm drinking water before or with my caffeine that I try and put a little bit of salt in there.

Got it.

Okay. And there are a lot of supplement companies now spinning up. We don't have to throw out brands that are selling salt solution. This is becoming big.

Big. Okay. So, water, bright light, no caffeine until 90 to 20 minutes.

What's next? Water with salt. Okay. And then, it's a question of whether or not I'm training that day or not. So, I do believe getting exercise is important. I think the data, having reviewed the data and talked to a number of experts on this, in particular, there's a guy who's really terrific. You may know him, Dr. Andy Galpin, who's down at Cal State Fullerton, excellent exercise physiologist. But also, if you look across the massive studies on exercise and heart health, there are a couple of things that become clear. One is that everybody should be getting 120 to 150, and maybe even 150 to 180 minutes of so-called zone two cardio a week. This is the kind of cardiovascular exercise where you're doing work, you could have a conversation, but you're kind of at the threshold where it's not super easy to have a conversation. We're not talking sprints. There's just a myriad of effects on heart health, vascular health all over the body, gut microbiome, musculoskeletal stability, mental health, all these kinds of things. So, I have a routine where I either weight train for an hour in the morning or I do a portion of that weekly cardio. And I just alternate weight train one day, cardio the next. And then one day a week, I don't do anything. I don't do any exercise.

Six days a week you exercise.

And I miss days. You know, occasionally because of travel or other schedules or appointments, I might take two days off. I never go seven days. I always, I Personally do well having a complete day off each week. But the hour of exercise generally is 5-10 minutes of warm-up and it's hard work. And this is a new thing that we can get into when I talk about dopamine, but I do not allow myself to check social media, text message, phone calls, and lately not even music when I train for reasons that we can get into later. I'm really trying to get focused on what I'm doing. and I'm trying to extract the greatest amount of joy from the process in its purest form.

So no phone, essentially.

I try not to have the phone. Occasionally I'll use music or I'll listen to a podcast because it's such a great time to do that. So I don't want to say I never do, but most of the time I'm trying very hard to just do my exercise.

Yeah. Okay.

And it doesn't matter if you run, swim, bike, row, people these days can do calisthenics or weight training or something of that sort. the weight training thing is interesting because muscle building aside, it's very clear that five sets a week per muscle group is what's required to maintain muscle. And this is true for men, this is true for women. And obviously in young kids, you don't want them weight training with heavy loads because it can shut down their long bone growth. That's the myth or the, what they say anyway. But I don't know, kids are developing anyway.

Right.

So I don't know. I'll leave that to the, to the coaches to decide that and the parents, but. I think for people that are in their late teens, early 20s, and onward, it's really important if you look at longevity, a lot of the major injuries and early deaths and not just due to accident, but chronic illness comes from people falling and breaking a hip, just not being strong. And so, I think being strong regardless of who you are is important. And so, that's five sets per week minimum per muscle group and probably more like 10 routines. splay out differently. So I do my thing. People have their thing. So I. I try and exercise or I do a 90-minute workout. And if I exercise, we could talk about that. Then I would shower and do my 90 minute workout. But sometimes I do the 90-minute workout first. And that's generally what, when I'm starting to drink the caffeine. And the 90-minute workout is a serious, non-negotiable time in which I don't allow myself to be on the internet. I'm not checking email, I'm not texting, my phone is off, off, off. And not on airplane mode. And it's a process of learning to focus and learning to do what we call no-go functions in the brain. So we have an area of the brain called the basal ganglia that control go functions like reaching out for a pen and no-go which is resisting the urge to do something. and these are circuits that are very important for learning how to control attention and for controlling Behavior. Young animals, puppies, humans don't do no-go very well. You know, the two marshmallow. Yes. Okay. The two marshmallow. You offered kids two marshmallow. And you said, if you don't eat it, you'll get two marshmallows. In 10 minutes. 10 minutes. Some kids can do it. That's pure. That's a no-go task. You're saying how well can you resist the urge to just go and. eat the marshmallow. And there are a number of things that mimic this. Another no-go type behavior would be meditation, for instance, where you sit down, it's kind of painful to sit cross-legged, your thoughts are drawing you off, you remember something you need to do, and you're resisting the temptation to get up and do something else. And so this 90-minute work bout is a kind of combined meditation but also functional work for me. So for me, that could be writing, It could be planning a podcast. It could be reading. It's something that's kind of hard. And the thing to understand about this 90-minute workout is that you should expect some friction early on. It's not like you just flip a switch and you're in. That it takes some time to get into this focus mode and throughout that time, your brain will flicker in and out. And there's a tool that you can use to enhance your focus prior to this 90-minute workout. And I actually do this. Sounds a little crazy, but it actually is grounded in really good neuroscience, which is, that you place a crosshatch, you know, just a target at some distance on a piece of paper, and you force yourself to stare at it and not blink for about 30 to 60 seconds. And what you're doing is you're ramping up the neural circuits in the brain that drive go, no-go, and harnessing your visual attention.

Your focus.

You're focusing. Visual focus drives cognitive focus. And for people that aren't sighted, auditory focus drives Cognitive focus.

So, visual focused drives cognitive focus.

Yes.

These two little bits that we call eyes are, as people probably heard me say before, two little bits of brain that are outside the cranial vault. They're the only way that your brain knows what to do in terms of whether or not it's day or night, who's out there, etc. But it's also a mechanism by which you draw your attentional systems from kind of everywhere. Imagine spotlights just kind of moving around, bringing those spotlights to a common location and then intensifying that spot. And since most work involves what we call exterocepting, looking outside ourself, this is very different than sitting in meditation where you're focusing internally. Because when you sit down to work, you kind of want to forget about your heartbeat and how your feet feel on the floor and that your back might be a little sore or something. You want to be in the work. And so I set a timer and I forced 90 minutes of this and it and it's really tough, Louis. Some days, it's anything to go get something out of the fridge.

Get up and distract myself.

And occasionally I fail. I will get up and go do something or I'll look at my phone. I do falter sometimes. But if you can learn to do this 90-minute bout.

I bet consistently you can create some amazing work.

You will do your best work. And what's really wonderful is it's not just about the work that you perform in that bout. what ends up happening is really special. This sort of combined meditation work bout, as I'm calling it, has this effect of you are actually tuning up and making your neural circuits for focus and attention better. So that after that, okay, you flip on the internet, you check your email, you're doing text messaging, you're probably hungry now. I'm hungry if I've exercise, I'll eat my meal, my lunch. I tend to fast till about lunch most days. But what happens then is after lunch or something, you decide, oh, you know, I'm gonna sit down and read something or I'm gonna do some more work. But I've only got 20 minutes. You can drop in like a laser. It's because the circuits have learned, you recognize that state. I guess the analogy would be you do your hardest workout in the morning and you, maybe it's a skill learning period, I know because he used to play professional sports. and then in the afternoon, it's going to be hard to recreate that entire 90-minute session. But you go back and you can drill it and you're right there because your nervous system recognizes you're right there. And so that's a holy part of my morning, as holy as the sunlight viewing. And it's something that's very hard to build in, but I actually schedule it just like I would a Zoom call. And it's cool because when you then for instance, if you have a social interaction where someone comes to you and they say, I've got something to do and you're sort of distracted or something I need to tell you, you'll notice that you can quickly intensify that, what we call attentional spotlight in neuroscience. And so it's a skill. And I hear these days a lot about attention deficit and trouble focusing. And indeed, some people have clinically diagnosed attention deficit. And I want, you know, there are resources for them. I did a whole podcast on ADHD, but many people don't have attention deficit in the clinical sense, they created it because they've never actually taught their brain how to focus for very long. And the phone's sitting right here and there's distraction everywhere. And then of course it raises all these questions like people say, well, do you listen to music? Do you listen to white noise? There are a lot of tools and tricks. Sometimes music helps, sometimes music hinders. Sometimes being in a cafe can help, sometimes pure silence helps. It's really individual and it's really context dependent. So I don't want to give a prescriptive. But that 90-minute workout, if I can do all those things and then get that 90-minute workout and then eat my lunch, I feel like the system is set to make the rest of the day even better. Because we often hear about the perfect morning routine, but we're not thinking about how that routine influences the rest of the day's routine.

Yes. When did you start implementing that 90-minute focus?

Well, this whole thing around deliberate focus really started for me in college because to make a long story short, I was not a very high school student. I barely finished high school. I eventually got my act together. I went to college and after the first year, I did very poorly. I left, went to community college, came back and decided it was time to get serious. So I, this was all pre-cell phone because I'm 46 now. So I used to sit down at my desk. I would allow myself, it was CDs back then, two different CDs. It was a rancid CD and a Bob Dylan CD. Those are the only CDs I'd allow myself to listen to. I had my coffee, my water, and I would use the bathroom and then I would not allow myself to get up for two hours. I would just study. And there were times when I spent a lot of time just looking at the tip of my pen, wondering if this was ever gonna kick in. But then I realized if I could just get 15 seconds of focus, I noticed that I could focus better. So it's not like sets and reps in the gym where there's a fatigue and you, for instance, if you do 10, you know, I'm making this up, I don't do these kinds of routines, but 10 sets of 10, it's very hard to maintain that output. 20 minutes later. I noticed that with focus, it's something that you kind of drop into a groove. Now, after about 90 minutes, it's very hard to maintain that. And there's a lot of data showing that these 90-minute, what are called ultradian rhythms, much of our life is broken up into 90-minute cycles. These 90-minute learning bouts are very good. And there are a couple other little tricks if people really want to get fancy. There's some really cool data that were published this last year in cell reports on what are called gap effects.

Okay.

So when you learn something, whether or not it's a physical skill or you're learning a language, let's say you're working on sentences in Spanish, because you're learning Spanish as we know, and you're really drilling it hard, harder, you're working at it. Turns out that if you stop randomly every once in a while and take 10 seconds and just do nothing, the brain, this has been now demonstrated by brain imaging, the brain runs many repetitions inside of that little rest block of the material that you were trying to learn. And the speed of learning and the depth of learning is much faster. So these gap effects have been shown for physical skill learning, language learning, math learning, music, et cetera. And this is the same process that happens during sleep. So normally you learn something during the day, you try and learn, you go to sleep, and during sleep there's a rapid replay of the information. Right. And that's when so-called neuroplasticity rewiring of connections occurs. These little gaps that you're doing, that you're inserting at random, not every three minutes or so, but just at random, taking these 10 seconds, give you many more repetition. So it's, it's, it's, if ever there was a little, was it like a cheat code? Is that what they called in video games? I don't play video games, but a cheat code. It's this, that everyone's while you just stop and do nothing, you don't have to close your eyes. and you're getting more repetitions and then you go back into it. So, some people like to do that. And then we're about done with the morning, but I'd be remiss if I didn't say that I always after lunch do a 10 to 30 minute either non-sleep deep rest or hypnosis.

What does that do for you?

Well, what it does is it, at least what the data show, because there have now been two studies published last year, one in Cell Reports and I believe the other was also in Cell Reports, Cell Press Journal, excellent journal, showing that 20-minute naps or things of the sort that I just described, the hypnosis I described, allow the neural plasticity that was triggered during that learning bout to occur much more quickly. And so people learn faster.

Interesting.

Yeah. So you're, and for some people, a nap isn't a feasible thing. Some people say our naps good or bad. if your nap interferes with your nighttime sleep, it's bad. If your nap does not, then it's okay. And naps that are shorter than 90 minutes, so anywhere from 10, 20, 30, 45, but certainly not longer than 90 minutes, are going to be better than naps that are longer than 90 minutes for reasons related to sleep. So that kind of ends the morning, and then the rest of the day just depends on what's happening. And I think it's too varied to describe, but I do suggest that people try and get a little bit of sunlight as the sun is setting in the evening or late afternoon, depending on time of year and where you live. Same practice because now you're sending two signals to that master circadian clock of when there's morning and when there's evening. And that clock has a, what we call a morning and an evening oscillator. So if you can give more signals, then the system becomes more robust. It also ensures you a little bit against some of the exposure to nighttime bright light for reasons related to retinal sensitivity. So go outside for 10 or 15 minutes. Check fine if you need to check your text messages, do it out front of your building or your home. That's going to be very good.

It seems like what I'm seeing and hearing from a lot of people that this past year, everything has fallen apart for them. Their health, their relationships, their finances, their mission or purpose. and their spiritual awareness, like every area of life has been in breakdown mode for some people. Not everyone, some people have had incredible lives and have stepped up to the occasion and broken through on all these things. But I'm seeing a pattern of a lot of people breaking down in many areas. Hypothetical scenario, let's say you could only focus on one thing to get you started. You only have the time and energy to focus on one of these areas: your health, your relationships, All breaking down, your finances are failing everywhere. Where should people lean into first to kind of create that foundation so that everything else can start to rise as well?

I think before you answer what to do, you're gonna answer why you're there. It is not because of the pandemic. I remember when 9/11 happened and people tell, oh my God, my life was destroyed because of 9/11. And there were people in the same building who turned their life around, grew spiritually, closer to their family, made their businesses larger. and the same building burned down. I know in my case, 9/11 comes, if you can imagine, I'm fortunate to have now more than 80 companies and all these different industries and obviously, I've done pretty darn well by most people's standards of business and life. But my core mission is what I do for a living. It's why I'm here talking to you right now. It's getting people to be free and alive and have the level of fulfillment that they deserve to have. I know they desire, but I also believe they deserve to have. to deserve to have it, you got to do certain things, right? And so you're not in the place of being overweight because you lost your job. So stop the bullsh*t blame. Blame is not a strategy for a meaningful life. Blame is not a strategy for greatness. So you got to resolve that number one. And then your question was, what's the one thing to focus on if you can only focus on one? I think it's smart to focus on one thing primarily. Focus on too many can be overwhelming. Other people, it's good to focus on multiple things. It depends on your personality. So I wouldn't presuppose. But then the answer would be whichever thing you're most desirous of changing, whatever thing is giving you the most pain. So if it's your relationship, I go full force on that. Now in the world we're in today, you don't usually have the privilege of going, okay, I want to work on just being happy. Well, I can train you to be happy while hell's breaking loose. You can sit in this chair and be totally euphoric. But if you do that in a Western culture, people come and take your furniture.

Right?

So you probably have to work on both your business or financial side and some personal side. I would be working on both. And to me, the way to attack that, if you're not sure which area is to start with the body. And I know you can relate to this, Louis, because you and I both share this in common. It's like I always teach physiology first, as you well know. If you change the body, you'll change the emotions. If you change the emotions, you'll change your decisions, you'll change the quality of your life. Because the quality of life is your emotions. It's not what you get. You have a billion dollars and commit suicide. People have done it, right? You can have beautiful relationships and commit suicide. You can have people loving you and be sad all the time. Our pattern of emotion is our home and you have to upgrade your home. You have to train it. And one way to train it is the emotion comes from the way you move, the way you breathe, the way you speak. So if I said to your listeners, There's a depressed person behind the curtain over here and I'll give $100,000 to their favorite charity if they had to describe their body, their posture and they're depressed. You tell me. I'll just use you as the example.

What does that person look like? They're slouched down, they're looking down at their feet, they're not looking upward, their.

Shoulders are over, their- Are they breathing.

Full or shallow, do you think?

They're shallow.

Are they talking fast or slow? They're talking, if they're depressed, they're probably.

Talking fast because they're not calm. Well, no, that's usually stressed. Depressed is different than stressed.

They're probably talking low volume, slower than...

And all those physical characteristics change your biochemistry towards this feeling of being depressed and in a depressed state you won't do anything. When I used to be depressed, I don't get it anymore, I just took it out of my life. I even took the language of it out of my life because the words you create create a biochemical response. But when I did that decades ago, because I was like having those thoughts like, Is there a reason to still be here? That kind of crazy s**t in your head. I got out of it by using anger originally. I'd much like sometimes if somebody's really sad or depressed, I'll make them angry and be like, what's he doing? He's making me angry. Because angry is much more resourceful than depressed. From anger, I can get you to laughter, I can get you to taking action. And then gradually I got where I didn't need anger. It was about growth. It was about contribution. It was about meaning. So there's like stages to go through. But to answer your question, they should work on both their business side of their life and personal, one of each. and in order for either one of those to work, you need to be in a strong emotional state. And if you start with your body, like, you know, I started every morning in my cold water, started every morning with my workout, I started every morning like feeding my mind, right? So there's certain things you got to do physically so you're strong enough to remember the truth. Because remember, fear is physical. You feel your throat or your gut. So it's courage. Courage doesn't mean you're not afraid. It just means you're strong enough you push through in spite of the fear, right? And courage feels different in the body. So when you go lift or you go for a sprint or a strong run or you jump in that freezing water, when you push your mind to go beyond what's comfortable, you feel a strength inside you and that strength will help you to change your body, your emotions, your relationships, whatever. But then the other thing I'm going to say is model someone who's successful. Don't just do this shit by trial and error. Like find somebody who has what you want, ideally maybe more than one person, two or three, and see what are they doing different than you in their relationship. What do they believe different than you about relationship? If it's their body, what are they doing different? They're not lucky. They're doing things differently. You might be slightly biochemically different, but there's patterns there that you can see. Instead of learning by trial and error, which can take decades you may never learn, Jim Rohn taught me success leaves clues, man. Find someone who's got what you want, study what they do, every aspect of it, and then add yourself to it. That's the pathway to speed of transformation. Now, like, you know, I've done it. I'm not the only person. There's so many companies that went from worse off than they'd ever been in their history to the best off because they found a way to pivot. But that required a psychological piece of not blame. So maybe it's time for you to think for yourself and model what works instead of just what you're told. That's something to consider for yourself.

It's one of the reasons you've got millions of people that model after you just like myself in many areas of my life. I've got three final questions. Is that okay to ask three final questions? okay.

I went long on it.

I want to be respectful of your time since we're at the top of the hour. I just want to make sure I'm good. You mentioned I had, you know, I had the opportunity to go to Fiji with you and Dean Graciósi and a group of people about a year and a half ago. And you mentioned that winter was coming. This was in 2019, I guess, or. Yeah, right before 2020. And you mentioned winter is coming. I don't know how, where, what. Well, what type of crisis is happening? But something's gonna happen. It may be in six months, it may be in the next few years, but something is happening. And from people that went through 9/11 to the housing crisis of 2008-2009 to then 2020, what would you say if people want to prepare themselves to create more financial abundance over the next 10 years? With winter coming, maybe again, sooner than later, what should people be focusing on in order to earn more and invest more so that they're not overwhelmed financially with the next winter?

Well, first of all, I want to acknowledge that every generation, there's a book everyone should read, it's called the Fourth Turning. It's not a great read, I'll be honest with you in advance. I read it 25 years ago. One of the most seminal books I've ever read because what it will show you is that every generation goes through different stages. A wintertime, a really, really rough time. A springtime, like after the rough times, we usually see this easy growth. A summer where, kind of, I'm working hard doesn't seem to reward. And then a fall where all the rewards show up in a major level. But those seasons, which may be 10, 20 years, are a way of thinking. For some people, those seasons happen in their youth, some midlife, some later, because there's a cycle of history. A thousand years of history you can study. It's fascinating. I'm not going to try to explain it to you right now, but if you want perspective, it's there. The generation you're speaking of, the Millennial Generation, a very special generation. I don't mean special like you're so special, but special because they have a unique place in human history. They've experienced certain shocks at a certain time. They are an archetype of one of the four seasons of life. The last one is called the Great Generation. Think about this. If you were born in the year, say, 1901, 1902, something like that. When you're coming of age, 20 years old, when you want to think about your life and where it's going and all that stuff, right, let's say 1910, excuse me. When you're coming of age, if you were born in 1910, the stock market crashes. The biggest depression in human history, at least that we're aware of, modern history, happens. You know, 50% of people seem to be losing their jobs. There seems to be no hope whatsoever. Right as you're coming to your early prime, we're gonna make things happen. Oh, so that's 1929. What happens a decade later when you're about to turn 30? Another seminal time in your life. World War II breaks out. Holy sh*t, the whole world likes it's gonna be getting over. We're talking about World War all over the earth and it looks like Hitler's gonna win and that we're gonna have Nazism everywhere and countries are dropping like flies and the economy's going through the floor and you just turn 30.

Right.

But guess what? At 40, the greatest bull market in the history of the world began for that generation. But they were so tested and so strong from everything they've been through. But then they were tested by their own kids who didn't have to go through that suffering, who thought life should be easy for them and said, Look at you, you're not balanced, you aren't fair to women, and they weren't, but they were busy fighting wars to get to the point where you'd have time to do that. People say, Art, for the sake of art's sake, is for the well-fed. It's like, these people have a different... It's not like challenges disappear, but they're called the great generation because they found their way through those things because it was a generation that was not taught to look for excuses. I think the millennial generation is the next great generation if they play their cards right. And I think there's enough great people in that generation to help lead a new direction for it. And I think there's technology allows them to connect in new ways, but technology unfortunately also pits them against other people because if you've seen the social dilemma, you know there are people manipulating your brain and your biochemistry and your dopamine right now. So, but I think they'll figure that out. I think they really will.

Now, the answer to your question.

I want to give that context because without the context, all this is about survival or doing okay for yourself. and I think you're not going to feel a great life just trying to take care of yourself. Don't get me wrong, it's like if you know the Indian tradition in India that they teach these four aims of life. The first aim is Artha, A-R-T-H-A, and what that means is prosperity and security. It's important to take care of that because when that prosperity and security is there, it's not like that's not spiritual. Taking care of yourself and your family is part of life, and so you need to do that. And then the next level of development, the next aim of life is Kama, K-A-M-A. and that means pleasure. And it's good to find pleasure. Like if you found good work that serves more than yourself, you're going to prosper. But then do you enjoy it? And do you enjoy your life? And do you appreciate things? And it's like finding that appreciation. It isn't just sensuality or sexuality. It's music, it's art, it's family, it's all these things. It's the history of your own country and finding the good. And then the third level for that most people have heard of is dharma, which is your purpose or your truth. But notice, you really don't have a real clear dharma in most people unless they got some level of prosperity, security, some level of enjoyment of life, but they get to the point of thinking broader. Now some people early on are trying to find their purpose. What's my purpose? What's my purpose? I gotta find my ultimate purpose. Who said there's one freaking purpose? Where did you get that delusion? And why does it have to be so huge? I know like when I was a young kid, I had this purpose statement. The purpose of my life is to be a passionate, loving, incredible creation of what God shows is possible by serving all its humanity and lifting them. I mean, it went on and on and on. Now, like, what's my purpose? How can I help? I mean, serving is what my purpose is. I don't need all this bull. And that means I can do it when I introduce, when I say hello to the mailman, I can do it in front of 50, 000 people. I can do it with my child. Right. And there's lots of different purposes as you go through your life. But most people trying to get that, they haven't even figured out what the hell they're gonna do. They haven't even figured out how to enjoy their life. Your purpose will unfold if you do the right thing. So now to answer your question precisely and specifically in short order, you need to put yourself in a position if you're gonna be successful is to have ideally your own business or a business where the more value you add, the more you earn. You can work for someone else and do that. If you have stock options, you could do that. If you've got bonuses, But to me, autonomy, if you really want an extraordinary life, I believe this is just personal preference. This is my opinion. This isn't the truth for everyone. Is if you can find yourself in a place where the more value you add, the more you can grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially, then you can write your own ticket, right? And so owning your own business to me is one of the ways to do that or partnering with somebody in a business or working for somebody, but where they treat you as a partner, you get a piece of of the business. So you don't have to be only on your own. But if you're going to grow, you need to make whatever business you're part of, even if you work for somebody else, you got to think like an owner. Because if you do, you'll become one. And if you think like an owner and you're going to succeed, then you got to model the people that are successful. It's like why we put this challenge together. It's not just me. We've got about a dozen of the best people in the world, all different ways. Because they're like, oh, Tony can do this. But what about here's Jenna Kutcher with her camera and what she's doing. a couple million dollars a year, being a mom, enjoying her life, right? So they get to meet them all and not just be inspired, but this is specifically how to do it. Because you know, and I know, there's you get to have that I didn't have 20 years ago or even 15 or five years ago, some of it, but certainly not 30 years ago. It cost a fortune to do this stuff. Everything's for free now. You put up a podcast and reach millions of people. That was impossible in the stage of my life. So there are ways to leapfrog because of technology. that you want to take advantage of. So you want to model somebody that's incredible, but then what's going to make that business work or not is two things. Do you understand who your ideal client is? You can't be a client to everybody. You got to know who's my, you can help everybody, but who's your ideal client? Who's the client's going to stay with you when the economy gets bad? Because as you said, winter always comes. I was saying winter came in because I knew we'd had a bull market so long. that we're going to have to have a bear market. We usually have one every five years. We have this unbelievable long period of time without having one and I wanted people prepared. Because when things go down is your greatest opportunity. Right now, your greatest second opportunity in your life is happening because we're coming out of winter and we're not fully in springtime yet although the economy is heating up. It's artificially heating up. They're going to pour so much money into it that you can be an idiot and do well in this economy. But you want to take advantage of this time because when it goes back again, because it will, we can't just keep printing dollars forever or putting ones and zeros in computers without inflation. We're already starting to see it. And most of you don't know what inflation is. I remember buying my first house at 18 years old, a triplex at 18% interest. It's hard to make money at 18% interest. Now you got like two and a half for people right now. It's different universes. you got to be prepared for whatever is coming. And the way you do that is know who your ideal customers are, who you can add value to, fall in love with them, what do they need, what do they want, what do they hate, and not fall in love with your product, fall in love with them so you can keep meeting their needs and then come up with an irresistible offer. If you have those two things, you're going to win. I mean, I remember I saw there's a great little series out right now on, I think it's the History Channel. They've done these series in the past. You may have seen them, Louis, like the, you know, the, the People that shaped America and they show like all the, you know, the guys that built standard oil, like the Rockefellers and so forth. They're doing one right now on the food that built America. And it's fascinating. And so one of those stories was about the pizza business. And I won't run it for you, but one of those was such a perfect example was Domino's Pizza. He was going bankrupt. He couldn't figure out what the hell to do. He couldn't make any money no matter what. And then one day he had a problem delivering something and somebody was pissed off and they go, I will not accept this pizza if it takes more than 30 minutes. And he was, and he heard it. And then he tried on every call, Domino's Pizza, we deliver within 30 minutes or your pizza is free. He made an irresistible offer, not just that we'll deliver by 30 minutes, but I will be penalized, you will get it for free if you don't. That offer turned Domino's from a losing company to one of the most dominant pizza companies in the history of the world. Wow. Having an irresistible offer and knowing who his client was, he went for kids in college. he targeted them because they ate more pizza and you could deliver more to the same dorm with more people. So he knew his ideal clients, he knew who else he wanted to serve. He came up with the irresistible offer, done deal, unbelievable business.

And this is one of the things you guys are teaching in the Own youn Future Challenge, which if I want everyone listening or watching to sign up for this, it's completely free. You can go to lewishouse.com/future. It'll take you right there. you guys are doing this week-long challenge, you and our friend Dean Graziosi talking about how to build and scale an irresistible offer, talking about how to build a business, a side hustle, whatever it is, using your knowledge and information to build something, to earn something on the side that eventually you could take it.

What's unique about this challenge, and it's not just me, it's just that it's a bunch of people, is we're going to use technology each step of the way each day so you start to build a business that you could start to launch at the end because there's technology you can do in minutes what used to take months or years and or if you already have a business how to grow it dynamically. So it's not just going to be sitting back with philosophy. We're going to be calling you. There's no charge for the program. The charge is you got to take uncomfortable action each day using a little bit of technology we'll show you how.

To do and then you're going to have something really at the end, not just inspiration. I love it. Yeah, I want everyone to sign up for this. It's completely free. LewisHowes.com/future. There's going to be a lot of great content. A lot of my mutual friends are going to be on there teaching, sharing some of their greatest strategies about how they built and scaled their businesses and brands. So make sure you sign up for that. Final two questions. This is a question I've asked you before. You probably don't remember. I think the last time I interviewed you was four or five years ago. But it's called the Three Truths. And I like to make it spin this question. It's a hypothetical scenario. Imagine it's your last day on earth many years away. You get to accomplish and live as long as you want to live, but eventually you got to turn the lights off. And for whatever reason, Tony, you've got to take all of your work with you. Your written words, your audio, the video, no one has access to your content anymore. They steal the books out of people's homes and it goes with you to the next place, hypothetically. But you get to leave behind three things you know to be true, the three lessons you would share with the world. And this is all we would have from your information. What would you say are those three lessons that you would share with your daughter or to the world if this is all we would have to remember you by?

Life is not about me. Life is about we. The quality of life is the quality of relationships and relationships are grown by giving, not by demanding, not by judging. I'd say secondly, love is the answer with strength. You have to have love and strength together. Those two resources, anything can be transformed, anything can be accomplished because with love and strength, you'll have a larger vision. If it's true love, I don't want to talk about love in a sense of just trying to get something. I mean true love, which is about how can I give something, but still having strength also. So you're not run over. And I'd say, I'd say constant never ending learning will make life not only interesting, but the meaningfulness will come because you'll have something to give and that'll try back to the first piece that I described. So, I mean, there's so much it's hard to reduce to three things, but off the top of my head, those would be my first three.

I'm gonna ask you some controversial questions about brain health. How much does, is it a third of Americans are obese or is it two thirds? Two thirds of Americans?

72% of Americans are overweight.

Or overweight.

42% of us are obese.

Obese.

I published three studies. In fact, I did an NFL study. One of them was an NFL study. I took players at the same position who were at a healthy weight versus those that were overweight. The overweight had sleepy frontal lobes. They had decreased activity in the frontal lobe. I just published a study on 35,000 people. It's one of the largest imaging studies ever done. And there is virtually a linear correlation between as your weight goes up, the function of your brain goes down.

Really?

Oh, morbidly obese was worse than obese, which was worse than overweight, which was worse than healthy weight.

So healthy weight versus.

So healthy weight would be the best activity and then overweight and then obese and then morbidly obese.

What consists as overweight versus obese? Is this body fat percentage?

Well, it's something called BMI or body mass index, which in NFL players actually doesn't correlate very well. For them, it's their waist to height ratio. So, their waist should be half your height or less. So, if you're six feet tall, that's 72 inches, your waist and you gotta measure, you can't go by your pant size because the clothing industry knows that we're unhappy. And so you guys got to put a tape measure right around your belly button. And so if you're six feet, your waist should be 36 inches or less. And if it's not, then it's good to work on.

Right.

And you just see it as a problem to solve. But if you want to keep your brain healthy or rescue it, if it's headed to the dark place, you have to prevent or treat the 11 major risk factors. I have a mnemonic for that. I write about it in the books called Bright Minds. Well, if you're overweight, that automatically means you have five of the risk factors.

Really?

Because being overweight decreases blood flow. That's what my study showed. It increases inflammation. It stores toxins, fat stores toxins, like if you smoke pie. It actually stays in your body for 30 days. Wow. It changes your hormones. And this is like shocking for me and my NFL work that these big strapping virile men are almost all low in testosterone because when you have subconcussive blows it damages the pituitary gland which turns off the production of testosterone. Oh my gosh. And so belly fat especially takes healthy testosterone and turns it into unhealthy cancer-promoting forms of estrogen.

Ooh.

And so you have the diobesity, risk factor, blood flow, inflammation, toxins, and and hormones. And so... That's all from being overweight. That's all from being overweight. It's just a thing we should be working on. And what I often say is the real weapons of mass destruction, ISIS has nothing on our food industry. They're highly processed, pesticide sprayed, high glycemic, low fiber food like substances stored in plastic containers. This is what's really killing the health. of America.

Okay, so obesity is a, when I'm hearing you say obesity is a big factor to mental health stresses and brain stresses.

And Alzheimer's disease.

And Alzheimer's.

I mean, it all sort of goes together from depression to problems in school to memory problems later in life.

What's your thought? I mean, I'm all for people loving themselves where they're at, where they're at in their life, and loving their bodies for where they're at and not shaming themselves and the self-love movement of accepting yourself for where you are. But that's only going to hurt our brains if we're not actually saying, okay, I accept and love myself where I'm at and decisions I've made to be here. But I've got to start working on these things. Otherwise, there's going to be some challenges emotionally, mentally, anxiety, depression, if I don't work on it, right? My health.

The don't worry, be happy people die the earliest from accidents and preventable illnesses. And I want people to love themselves, but doing the right thing is an act of love. Like if you're really unhealthy walking, is an act of love. And so, so it sort of catches me in this funny place. I remember I was on a plane once and I'd figure out this connection between, as your weight goes up, the size and function of your brain goes down. And I was sitting next to someone who was very overweight and we were on a tiny plane going to Des Moines, Iowa for public television. And in my head, I'm like, oh, you want to talk to her about that? And then I talk to myself all the time. It's like, no, you don't want to say anything. Don't need to upset her day.

And.

But then I went to Pittsburgh and I went to GNC, you know, the supplement company. And one of my core values is being authentic, is I live the message of my life and the message of GNC. is health. And their number three guy, their marketing director, took me to dinner, was morbidly obese. Really? And that thought in my head is, you, should talk to him about this. And he made the comment, he opened the conversation. He's like, you, know, I don't know why I'm overweight, but my numbers are okay. And I'm like, what numbers? And I'm like, Tom, I said, you don't want to be a dinosaur, because I had figured out, big body, little brain, you're gonna become extinct. And we had this great conversation, because my favorite verse in the New Testament is John 8:32, Know the truth, and the truth will set you free. I'm like, Do you not want to be like the number two guy or the number one guy? You're not gonna do that if your brain not healthy. And that conversation the next year, he lost 80 pounds.

Wow.

Most people don't know that this is a serious health, mental health, brain health risk. And I just want to tell people the truth and I want them to get healthy. And people go, But I don't like any of one of my NFL players, but I don't like any of the foods that are healthy. for me. And I'm like, none, not one. And we did this great exercise, and it turned out he liked like 70 of the foods that were on the list. You only want to love food that loves you back. It's a relationship, right? I don't know if you've ever been in a bad relationship, but I've been in a bad rela- As in a 20-year marriage with someone who didn't like me very much. I'm never gonna do that again. I'm just not. It's a boundary for me. I'm damn sure not gonna be in a relationship, a bad relationship with food. I want to be in a good relationship. I mean, I love food. I just want it to love me back.

What are the five foods that we should have to help our brain the most?

Salmon, wild salmon, blueberries, walnut, olive or avocado oil. Yeah, healthy protein, chocolate. I make this great brain healthy hot chocolate every night for my family. I just look at the six of them that live at home. I'm like, okay, who's up for it tonight? So Costco, of all places, organic vanilla, unsweetened almond milk, rock cow, it's a superfood. so organic raw cacao and a little bit of a sweet leaf is a company that makes flavored stevia. They make chocolate flavored stevia and put it in the blender, heat it up. It's phenomenal. Good for me. I love it. And it loves me back.

It loves you back. Salmon, blueberries, walnuts, avocado or avocado oil. rock chocolate are some of the top favorite foods for the brain.

For the brain.

Why are these foods? Is it high in antioxidants? Is it proteins that they have?

So blueberry, it's the phytonutrients. They've actually done studies showing cognitive enhancement with blueberry juice, salmon, it's the omega-3 fatty acids and the complete protein, avocados, it's the healthy fat. especially omega-3 fatty acids, same with walnuts. Your brain is fat. Low-fat diets are bad for your brain. Really? People who go on low-fat diets actually have an increased incidence of depression.

Really?

Yeah. Now you don't want bad fats, fried fats particularly. You want healthy fats, avocados, nuts and seeds, green leafy vegetables.

Olive oil, is it in there?

Olive oil, avocado oil, Damien nut oil.

Yeah.

So.

How much food should the brain have? Is it, you know, as your buddy, our buddy Dave Asprey talks about fasting a lot, a lot of people are in this fasting craze. If we're not giving the brain food or nutrients for a day, three days, five days, does that help the brain? Does it reset the brain? Does it that hurt the brain.

So intermittent fasting, where you go 12 to 16 hours from dinner to breakfast or lunch is good. They've actually found your, there's a term called autophagy, where your brain begins to clean up some of the trash.

So it works in the brain too, not just in the body.

It works on the brain as well. Now, I grew up Roman Catholic and long suffering was one of the gifts and I never got that one. I'm not a fan of long suffering. I'm not doing a marathon. It's like way too much stress for my brain and I'm not fasting for three days, but I can go 12 hours. I mean, like, that's not a big deal. And it helps people lose weight. It helps them be healthy. And I come from a family of fat people. My dad used to say when I would say that, but I have a brother who's 150 pounds overweight. despite me loving him, nudging him, and you just have to be thoughtful. Know your vulnerability in bright minds. And gee, is genetics. So know what you're genetically vulnerable to. And, you know, I have to work on it. Right, right.

How you mentioned you don't do marathons. If you're not traumatizing the brain through contact sports, but you're an endurance junkie. You love to run marathons, you run them every year, you do triathlons, you do ultra marathons, you're doing mountain climbing. Are these activities good for the brain to put some extreme stress on it, even if it's not physical contact to the brain? Or does it long term hurt the brain?

The scans I have of extreme athletes are not good.

Really?

Yeah. I think it's too much stress. for the brain. I love HIIT training, high intensity training that's been shown to increase mitochondria in cells. I'm not a fan of putting your body under a lot of stress. It's just not good for it. Some stress is good. We call it eustress. A little bit so your fibers grow. That's why weight training is important. The stronger you are as you age, less likely you are to have Alzheimer's disease.

Really?

But you want to love your brain. You want to make sure you're sleeping for your brain. That's the essence of Bright Mind.

So someone's like, you know what? Okay, I hear what you're saying, but I really love to do a marathon or two a year. And a few times in my life I want to do, you know, on a climb Everest or something like that. I want to do something to challenge and I go, Is that gonna hurt the brain?

Is that gonna, if you're doing everything else right, so one of my NFL players just signed an $80 million deal. So he's gonna play. He's going to play. But if you're gonna do something that is potentially damaging to the brain, make sure you're doing everything else right. So for example, Being a firefighter is a brain-damaging profession. We need to own that, just like we need to own playing football is a brain-damaging profession. It's like, own it, everybody knows it. Now, when I started my work in 2007, very few people know it.

Now, everybody knows it.

But they don't know that being a firefighter, because there are heroes, those are the people we need when we need them, and we need them healthy, but because of the toxins they breathe, because of the emotional trauma they see day in and day out, because of the head traumas they experience, they have a higher incidence of depression, a higher incidence of suicide, and a higher incidence of early death. We should not be okay with this. But it doesn't mean we're not going to have firefighters. What it means is we should put their brains in a rehabilitative environment all the time. We should be teaching them about brain health, like with NFL players currently. We should be teaching them, look, if you're gonna do this, own it. It's a brain-damaging sport, so let's just do everything else.

Right.

What are the other things right that you talk about? Are there are a few main keys? Is it nutrition? Is it sleep?

Well, we think about bright minds. It's just such a good model. So blood flow, B is blood flow, so exercise. And foods like beets that increase blood flow or supplements like ginkgo that increase blood flow. The R is retirement and aging. New learning is absolutely critical. You know, your work and studying greatness, you're always learning something new, which is great for the brain.

Retirement plus aging, is that what you said?

Retirement and aging.

So continuing to learn in those stages.

And always putting yourself in an anti-aging environment. So the food you eat, the exercise, new learning, being passionate, never retiring, right? I mean, maybe you go and do something else you like better because you have enough money, but never retirement. Because when you start, when you start not doing things, your brain actually starts to disconnect itself.

So, when we say someone retires at 60, 70, 75, and they say, you know, I'm just gonna sit on the beach for the next however long, enjoy my family time, enjoy the money I've had, and relax. What happens to those people if they don't have a purposeful mission in their life beyond relaxation?

Their brain disconnects itself. They have a higher incidence of dementia. And my dad worked until he died when he was almost 91. And he's like, when my friends retire, they die.

Really?

Now, if you retire, because you really didn't love what you were doing anyways, and you go off and do something you love, maybe not golf, because you're around all those toxins on the green, maybe not golf, but if you're doing things you love and you're always learning, well, that's awesome. That's a really good thing.

So, you can retire from your job, don't retire from your life.

Don't retire from your life.

Stay connected in some meaningful pursuit.

Absolutely critical to staying keeping young. And then the I is inflammation. This is the big bad actor because inflammation in your body, which comes from eating processed foods, one of the surprising things comes from gum disease. If you're not a flosser, you need to floss. I'm a flossing fool.

I do it twice a day.

I wasn't that way until I started reading the studies that people who have gum disease have a higher incidence of heart disease, but also a higher incidence of brain disease. They actually found gum bacteria higher in the brains of people with Alzheimer's. disease. And so omega-3 fatty acids decrease inflammation, fruits and vegetables decrease inflammation, flossing and probiotics, getting your gut healthy, there's this huge connection between the brain and the gut because inflammation often comes from having an unhealthy gut, either from infections or the lousy food. that you're eating. And the G is genetics. You need to know your vulnerability, but genes aren't a death sentence. What they should be is a wake-up call to know what you're vulnerable to. My, I have heart disease and obesity in my family. I don't have heart disease and I'm not obese. Why? Because I'm always on a prevention program. You just want to be serious as soon as you know what your risks Right.

Okay.

H is head trauma, which we talked about. Brain is soft, skull is hard. There are 3 million new head injuries every year in the United States. This is a big deal.

Three million new head injuries is that- Every year. Is that from car accidents or- Falls, falls, everything.

Everything.

Wow.

You know, being hit.

Domestic violence, whatever it might be.

Anything.

Gunshot, whatever.

Whatever. 3 million. Which means, most people live over the last 30 years, that's 90 million people in the United States who struggle with the effects of traumatic brain injury. Very high in prison populations, very high in people who struggle with psychiatric diseases. And then T is toxins. And so you go, what can I do to support my brain? Well, one, avoid them. alcohol is not a health food. My biggest blog last year was titled, I Told youd so. And when I dated my wife, Tana, I think you met my wife. She's awesome. And when we were dating, she said- the current wife. My current wife.

Not the 20 years.

Not the 20 years. She said, I'll never tell you I told you so. She lied. She just flat out lied to me. It's like her favorite thing to But I've been telling people ever since I started imaging, alcohol is not a health food. And our first clinic was right next to the Napa Valley, so it was not a popular thing to say. But it's just what I saw. And then there's a study from Johns Hopkins that say people who drink every day have smaller brains.

Wow.

Now, last year, the American Cancer Society came out and said, any alcohol is associated with an increased risk in cancer. Seven different cancers.

Oh, any alcohol.

Any alcohol.

And so my wine drinker is saying, no, you're wrong. No, I'm not listening to this right now. What about a glass once or twice a week? What about the nutrients from the grains?

If you're gonna do something that's bad for your brain, you should be doing other things that are good for your brain. Right, it doesn't mean you can never have a drink, but just know it's not a healthy, healthy full thing to do. So you want to do the other things.

Yeah, like when I eat a bowl of ice cream and pizza, I know it's not helping my brain.

Right, and if you do it once a month, it's like not the biggest deal in the world. But then, because here we're talking about tea for toxins, you want to support the four organs of detoxification. So your kidneys drink more water, your gut eat more fiber. In my shake every morning, I put fiber in it, for your liver kill the alcohol and eat detoxifying vegetables. They're called brassicas, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli, kale. and take infrared saunas. People who take the most saunas have the lowest incidence of Alzheimer's disease.

Really?

Because it detoxifies you. And it's also, there's actually a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, people with major depression took one infrared sauna, their mood was better. Well, how cool is that? I mean, that's like simple. no side effects mostly to taking a 25 minute sauna.

So is it infrared or any type of sauna?

Well, it's probably any type of sauna, but the study was on infrared.

But anything that's releasing the toxins, any heat exposure, not too much.

Sweating, sweating with exercise or saunas is detoxifying for you.

Yeah.

And this isn't hard, right? Like not one thing I've said so far is hard. The M in Bright Minds is mental health. This is where you learn to kill the ants and tame the dragons. So ant stands for automatic negative thoughts, the thoughts that come into your mind automatically and ruin your day. And the exercise is super simple. Whenever you feel sad or mad or nervous or out of control, write down what you're thinking and then just ask yourself if it's true. You don't have to believe every stupid thing you think? I didn't learn that till I was 28 years old. I'm like, I'm in class. I'm a psychiatric resident at Walter Reed in Washington, DC. And I'm like, no, I don't have to believe the noise in my head. It's like thoughts come from your genes, right? They're actually written into your genes. You're a failure maybe because your grandfather had to file for bankruptcy. they come from your parents talking to you, they come from your siblings, I'm one of seven, they come from the noise, they come from your coaches, and they lie. Just because you have a thought has nothing to do with whether or not it's true.

Absolutely. And I was working with a therapist recently that said, just because someone tells you, something about yourself doesn't mean, and they're trying to give you this thing, doesn't mean you need to receive that gift. It's not a gift you need to receive. They're offering you a gift that's a bad gift. Doesn't mean you need to take it. You can just say, okay, I don't need that gift right now. I don't need to let that thought sink in and believe this. And I think I'll speak for myself growing up, anytime I heard someone say, you suck, you're dumb, you're an idiot, you're not enough, you'll never amount to whatever, I learned to believe those things. And I think a lot of us probably learn to believe whatever we hear from anyone, whether it was a, a side comment or a direct comment. And how have you learned over the years to really defend against those ants? Like, besides someone might say, okay, I tried writing it down that this is not true and analyzing this, but what's a, what, how can we really show up for ourselves for our thoughts don't consume us in a negative way.

So you know that if you're overweight on Monday and you have a salad, you are not going to be trim on Friday. You need to develop practices that getting well physically is a discipline that occurs over and over, over time.

Right?

To be mentally well, you need to develop practices that you do like eating well over and over and over. So for example, I start every day with today is going to be a great day. As soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning, and today was easier because I spent last night in Santa Monica and walked on the beach this morning, and I get to hang out with you, Today is going to be a great day. That way my unconscious mind finds why it's going to be a great day. And then your brain is always listening. I talk about taming the hopeless and helpless dragon, the dragon from the past that feeds depression. And it's something I do called positivity bias training. I want to get my brain looking for what's right because it automatically goes for what's wrong. And so I start every day with, Today is going to be a great day. And then if I have a hard time, if I feel sad or mad or nervous or out of control, I write down what I'm thinking. And then I just go, Is it true? And there's a whole bigger method in the book. And often I'll go to, what's the opposite of that thought? No one loves me or no one respects me or you're a failure. And so quickly my brain, if I go, My wife never listens to me, I've had that thought. I'll go, well, I never listened to my wife. And I'll be like, oh, that can be true. Or she does listen to me. And then I find the times that she, it's just I don't believe what goes on in my head. And then when I go to bed at night, and this is so powerful, I say a prayer, and then I go, what went well today? And I put myself to sleep by reviewing the positive things that happened. that day. And I find the little micro moments, whether it's that sip of hot chocolate that I made that I'm proud of myself for, or some cool text or interaction. And it sets my dreams up to be more positive. And a really fun thing I've been playing with recently is I had Stephen Hayes on my podcast, the Brain Warriors Way, and he had a technique of give your mind a name. and it's based on a concept of psychological distancing. And as he was talking about that, he gave his mind the name George. I'm like, oh, I knew exactly what I'd give my mind, the name Hermie. Hermie was my female. I didn't know she was a female when I named her. Raccoon. I had a pet raccoon when I was 16 years old, and she was a troublemaker. She was beautiful. and smart and she TP'd my mom's bathroom. She ate my sister's fish out of her aquarium. She used to poop in my shoes. She caused a lot of trouble just like my mind. And so when I hear the like the negative chatter, I used to take Hermie and put her on her back and tickle her and she used to love that. We just had this great relationship. So when my mind is acting up, I'm like, Seriously, do I need to tickle you right now? Just so I separate. And I'm like, Is this helpful? Because you've had good coaches and you've had bad coaches, right? And I want me to be a good coach for me. Too many people, their internal life is like a courtroom and they've got a spectacular prosecutor and a cruel judge and a jury that's awful. And they have a weak defense attorney. And I'm like, I got Johnny Cochran in my head, right? You know, I want to protect myself. But people don't get any training.

Isn't that interesting?

It's like-- In their mind.

Yeah, we are-- I feel like in general we're conditioned to find the negative, the bad, to keep us safe. or protect ourselves in some way. But we've never trained ourselves to be a great coach or a great cheerleader to ourselves. You just brought that up. It made me think about it. It's like, what if we did have that training as a kid on how to coach ourselves through pain, discomfort, and not only rely on the addictive coping mechanisms that we tend to lean towards? Well, I don't know how to coach myself. Let me drink. I don't know how to coach. Let me take this drug. pornography or whatever the addiction choice is to cope for someone, how do we learn to be a good positive coach in a time of complete chaos, stress, overwhelm, dysfunction? When we can't even get out of that, we can't even get out of that in our heads, we can't even hear that coach in our mind.

It's a practice.

Yeah, it's all practice.

And that's why I write. You know, whether your brain is always listening or feel better fast and make it last, You know, people do things to feel better fast. We saw that during the pandemic. But they're choosing things that actually make them worse. That hurt them in the long run. So you want to do things that help you feel good now and later.

Yes.

Versus now, but not later.

Now, and needing it all the time, yeah.

So diaphragmatic breathing, I'm just a huge fan. Or meditation. and I published three studies on a Kundalini yoga form of meditation called Kirtan Kriya. It's all of 12 minutes, but it activates your frontal lobe. It helps you with forethought and judgment and impulse control, and it's fun, it's beautiful. Sa Ta Na Ma, Sa Ta Na Ma, which is birth, life, death, reborn, birth, life, death, reborn. It's just beautiful. You know, people can Google, you know, their YouTube videos on it, but it works to balance your brain and that helps you feel good now and later versus now but not later.

Our thoughts are our biggest killers of our dreams.

Totally.

They're the biggest killers or our biggest cheerleaders. And if we don't know how to really I guess, I don't know, not manipulate them, but to really hone in on them, then we can have a messed up life. And I've gone through many years of self-destruction growing up just because I didn't know how to manage the thoughts. I didn't know how to, I was never educated on it really on how to not control it, but I don't know, what is it? What is it?

What is it?

Yeah, not control it, but what is the word I'm looking for?

Well, see, I talk about it this way. So I like to simplify things because it makes it easier for me. I'm almost 50. 50 for crying out loud. There's only so much that you can remember when you get to be, you know, when he's 33. That's a whole different ball game. But I think about your brain as being in two modes. Two modes to your brain that you need to know about. There's autopilot. We've all experienced that. You know, you drive to work and get there and you're like, who drove the car? Oh my God. Like, I don't even remember driving the car here. Well, you did, Louis. You drove the car. But the thing is, is that you were in the mode of your brain that's called autopilot. Well, what is autopilot? Autopilot is the interior part of your brain. You'll hear neuroscientists and psychologists talk about the basal ganglia. Very important thing to understand is that there's a part of your brain that its entire job is basically to execute your habits. Habits, big fancy word, means something very simple. Behaviors that you repeat without even thinking about it. When you pull your pants on in the morning, I guarantee you, you either put your left or your right leg in first. And you have to stop and think about which one it is, don't you? But not when you're putting your pants on.

Right, exactly.

Because that behavior is what researchers call a habit loop. It gets enclosed as it gets encoded as a closed loop system right here. Now, the problem for most of us is that half of the day we're on autopilot. And that's not me making a guess. That's what researchers that study habits and study psychology say. That half of your day you're basically kind of checked out and you're on autopilot. And when you're checked out and you're on autopilot, any behavior pattern that you repeat can take over. And guess what are behavior patterns that we repeat? Thinking patterns. So self-doubt, worry, procrastination, overthinking, analysis paralysis, fear. Those are all thinking patterns that are habits. One of the most important things that I want people to understand is that you're actually not a worrier. You have a habit of worrying. Big difference. You're not a procrastinator. You have a habit of procrastinating. Big difference. And when you understand that any behavior pattern, whether it is a thinking pattern like you doubt yourself all the time, or you get trapped upstairs noodling everything and you can never get started, or whether it's a behavior pattern like you drink too much, or you snap at your kids, or you micromanage your team. Every one of those behavior patterns and thinking patterns can actually be interrupted and replaced using science. Now let's talk about the second part of the brain. Drive, that's this puppy right here. This is what you want. This is your prefrontal cortex. Drive is the mode where you're in charge of your thoughts. It's where you are fully awake, you are present and you are driving your thoughts and actions. When you're doing that, your prefrontal cortex is active. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that you need in order to learn new behavior, in order to do something difficult, in order to do something uncertain, in order to do strategic thinking. So I'm going to give you an example. So I'm a righty. If I were to try to write with my left hand, you know, like you Louis is gonna torture me and tie my hand behind my back and make me like do this. I could do it. It would look like I was writing with my foot. And if Louis came up to me and said, Hey Mel, you want some bulletproof coffee? I'd be like, Louis, I'm trying to concentrate. I can't do this. My prefrontal cortex would be El Fuego because it is firing on all cylinders to communicate to my hand new behavior. So, The thing that's cool about that is that you can use a simple trick. The moment you feel yourself hesitate, the moment you've got one of those moments where you know that you need to, this is that moment that Lewis talks to you about where you got to step outside of your comfort zone and you've got to lean into your passion and you've got to really take some risks and you got to feel the fear and you got to do it anyway, that's the moment where you just woke up and now you got a decision to make. Are you going to drift back into the habits or are you going to awaken your prefrontal cortex and drive forward and focus and do something new? And so the work that I've been doing and speaking about is all about the five second rule, which is a trick that I invented by mistake that helps you manually switch, no joke, your brain. It turns off and interrupts the part of the brain that is where all your habits and your behavior patterns are encoded, and it awakens your prefrontal cortex, which in five seconds flat allows your brain to help you change. And so anyway, I love it. I was rambling on and on because you went on this thing about how your patterns can be destructive and nobody teaches us and that's absolutely right. And what I want everybody to get out of this conversation between us is that you cannot control how you feel. You cannot control what triggers you and the fact that you may rise up with anger, you may rise up with self-doubt, you may have anxiety, fill your body, but you can always control what you think and how you behave. And we spend way too much time trying to focus on manipulating how we feel about things and not enough time practicing the skills of controlling your behavior and your thoughts.

Because if you can control your behavior and your thoughts, then the way you feel would be different.

100%. And a lot of us are sitting around waiting to feel ready waiting to feel courageous, waiting to feel confident, waiting for the right time. And that's not ever coming. Ever, ever. You're not going to change your life up here. You only change it through action. And so to me, you know, I did this interview with your friend Tom and we talked about how motivation is garbage and this somebody memed it and went crazy. And so the point that I was trying to make is this, is that yeah, motivation is great if you feel motivated, but it's garbage and it's a losing bet to wait to feel ready. Because your body's not designed that way and neither is your brain. And so I want everybody to understand that first of all, you can't control the things that trigger you and the fact that you're going to feel afraid and you're going to feel doubt and you're going to feel uncertain, but you can always interrupt that feeling and take control in the moment and actually shift what you're thinking and shift how you behave.

Yeah.

And, you know, the bigger the dream, the more fear you're gonna have, you know, even if you feel like you've conquered the fear of something, in order to grow, you've got to take on some new challenge. And there's gonna be uncertainty, there's gonna be some stress, or there's gonna be some worry, or there's gonna be some ego checking, and there's gonna be some identity crisis. Yeah. So there's always gonna be this fear that could arise. Always. Always. I mean, did you Do you feel like once you've mastered this, that you have no more fear?

Me?

Yeah.

No, the fear still comes, but I have 100% control of what I think and do. So one of the things that is important for me to put on the table is that a lot of times, you know, people look at your where you are now. And so they'll see me on television or they'll see that TED Talk or maybe you'll be in an audience of 20,000 people in the American Airlines Center and I'm on stage and you're like, Wow, that chick must have just been more incompetent. I hate her. The fact is, that's not at all how I was. When I was 19, I started having crazy panic attacks and they got so bad that I took medication and medication was a godsend for me. I took Zoloft for two decades. When I had our first daughter who is now 17 years old, the postpartum depression was so bad that they put me on Ativan, which turns you into a zombie. and I could not be left alone with her. So when it comes to self-doubt and to how we can torture ourselves with our thoughts, boy, have I lived that nightmare. And as I started to use the five-second rule, which we're gonna get into, and everything about my life changed, 'cause when people first learn the rule, what you're gonna learn, what you're gonna start doing is you're gonna start using the rule to push yourself to do things that are annoying. you're gonna push yourself to get up on time, you're gonna push yourself to work on your business plan, you're gonna push yourself to make calls that are scary, you're gonna push yourself to get to the gym, you're gonna push yourself to speak up more at work, you're gonna push yourself to put the booze down, behavioral, behavioral, behavioral, and then you're gonna start to actually use it to change the thinking patterns that are self-sabotaging. So I, four years ago, wondered as I started to see myself go from facing bankruptcy To building the eight figure big ones. What happened for me is I started to say, okay, this is a really cool little trick to bring out the most powerful side of you, but can I use this to actually cure myself of anxiety? And the answer is yes, you can. And four years ago, I went off Zoloft and I started using the five second rule, which I'm going to explain in one second. to interrupt the patterns of worry and self-doubt, which, by the way, anxiety is nothing more than the habit of worrying, spiraling out of control. And body feelings triggering now the habit of obsessive worrying that turns into anxiety and then kind of escalates to panic. I started using the five-second rule to interrupt my thoughts every time I would feel that kind of worry kick in. And because the prefrontal cortex is awakened when you use it, your mind is now ready to take on a totally different thought. It's a very different strategy than just trying to switch the channel on what you're thinking.

Yeah.

Because you're actually inserting the step that nobody talks about, which is switching the gears in your mind so that your mind can actually take and believe the thinking. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah.

So the five second rule.

Wait, first off, when did you discover.

The five second rule? Okay, so 2009.

This is when you first tried it.

Or discovered it or... Oh, it's a total horror show mistake. Okay. Yes. Okay. so 2009, I was unemployed and feeling.

Like you were unemployed.

How?

Well, okay.

Too much charisma, too much passion.

Yeah, because everything's working right now. That's why I'm not like this when things are not working. Ask my husband of 22 years. Well, the. What had happened is I. I had had all these career changes, and I got into the media business again by mistake. I had a coaching business and. Ink Magazine was writing an article about coaches and they featured me in it and CNBC called.

Got it.

And that led to me doing some stuff with CNBC and I spent a year still coaching people and then doing some stuff for CNBC and then Fox called and they were interested in having me host a television show. Now you gotta understand, I'm from North Muskegon, Michigan.

Mm-.

I mean the media business. Fox, LA. The closest thing I had ever seen to a celebrity, Louis, was the Muskegon Lumberjacks, the Right? Right. For the Pittsburgh Penguins. Yeah, the NBA team. My dad was the hometown doc for the hockey team there. Right, right, right. So I thought-- the mayor was a celebrity. Wow! My life's about to change. I'm about to be a celebrity. Wow! We're gonna solve all-- this is amazing, you know? So I was originally going to be hosting a show for Fox where we were making over small businesses. Nice. Yeah, pretty cool, right? We show up, we like do Extreme Home Makeover for the office. Everybody's happy. We all know that doesn't solve business problems. It's right to make for a nice television show. By the time I get to LA, they've changed the format. It's now called Someone's Gotta Go, and I'm gonna be firing people on national.

Television from Real Jobs.

-Wow.

-Huh.

That sounds fun. Horrible. Plus we haven't told the offices that this is what we're doing. Oh my gosh. So you show up in act one and you've got everybody all like this because they think they're gonna get new IKEA furniture and a paint job and this is gonna be the best thing in the world for their small business. Now meanwhile, I'm a fourth generation small business owner. So that's like my people grew up at a kitchen table with farmers and, you know, my mom at a retail store and my other grandparents were bakers. And so when it comes to like the heart and soul and what's so important when you launch your own business and how personal it is, I mean, this was like gut wrenching. So I show up the first act, you kick out the owner of the company who then freaks out, then all the employees freak out. Act number two, we announce that somebody's getting fired. And then that's, that's the The bad news, the good news is that I'm not picking. We're gonna have you vote somebody out. So it's Survivor in an office place. Oh my goodness. So, that sucks. When I learn all this, I have a panic attack, even though I'm on Zoloft. And I call the guy that got me the gig and say, you,'ve got to get me out of this. Like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And he said, well, I'm sorry, but they've already cast the entire show and you're out there for five weeks and you don't have a choice. They're gonna sue you. And I said, then fine, get me some Xanaxx because I don't think I can get through this thing. Like this is awful. Luckily, we taped two episodes and legal tabled it. But here was the problem. I was attached to the show and I only got paid if the show was shooting. And being an entrepreneur, I also kind of put all my energy into this, shut down the coaching thing. , really thought that it also kind of negotiated a deal that was a sort of a back end deal thinking I'm a, you know, entrepreneur always thinking about gotta have a piece of the action. Yeah, that was a dumb move. Um, and I was in a contract for a year while they figured out what to do.

Mm. So you could have done another show.

Yeah.

So, you know, I just felt like I had made a huge mistake and I felt really embarrassed. and I didn't know at the age of 41 what I should be doing with my life. And while it's neat that I had jumped careers so many times, I started to feel like somebody that actually wasn't successful at all because I didn't have a career track. I had a bunch of jumps from one thing to another. Now, looking back, it makes perfect sense, but standing in the middle of the mess, it just felt like everything was caving in. Probably just like when you were sleeping on your couch, feeling injured, and like everything I thought that was about to happen isn't happening now. Meanwhile, my husband had opened up a restaurant business. It had been his dream. He worked in high tech and came home one day after getting laid off and said, I'm never gonna get on a plane and do a PowerPoint presentation for a company. I don't care about her own. And I said, Great, what's your plan? And he said, I'm gonna open a pizza restaurant.

And I looked at him and I.

Said, Was there a trust fund that was part of this marriage that I was unaware of?

'Cause I'm not quite sure how we're gonna get the money.

That's where you get the money.

Did someone die? You got an insurance policy? And he said no.

And.

I then said the most famous lines of our 22-year marriage, Louis. I looked at him and I said, Listen, buddy, inspiration is for strangers. You get your ass back to that job and you pay the mortgage and you forget the stream. You're not going to this. Wow. Well, 'cause change is scary. So we fought and he won. And the first one was a real home run. And he opened a pizza store. Oh, he did, yeah. 40 seats right outside of Boston, Massachusetts. He and his best friend, and they wanted the best of Boston. It was incredible. What do you do when everything... That's a lot of money, though. They did on the first one. So what do you do when everything's working? Let's go all chips in. Let's put in the home equity line. Let's put in the kids' college savings. Let's get friends and family. And because you're so excited, you think it's gonna work, so you go big, big, big. Well, the second one did not work at all. And it did not work at all so badly that when it was finally closed, it was close to an $800,000 loss. And it meant our entire home equity line, kids' college savings, everything went right down with it. That was right when I lost the Fox show. So I'm unemployed, the liens start hitting the house, the phone starts ringing all the time, and it's collections calls. so you unplugged the phone.

That was the phone.

That was me out.

Well, you just unplug the phone. I mean, that's how you deal with that. But I I I I remember, like, there were. I remember two things from that period in my life that were really painful. And one was having to call the town and tell them that we could not afford the 175 bucks for our sixth grader to play soccer. So we needed to pull her out. And I remember there being times because I was so afraid to look at the checking account. that I would stand at the grocery store and items would scan and I could just feel that wave of anxiety rising thinking, I don't think the check card is going to go through. And so I would stand there. I always had an excuse and it was to look at the person and go, oh, that's strange. It just worked at the gas station.

Oh my gosh.

Because what would have been more empowering is to probably say, oh, well, I guess I don't have the money for this. Let's take this, this and this and just kind of It's like the easiest thing to do is to tell the truth, but I was so filled with shame. So I started to develop this habit of hitting the snooze button, because what would happen is the alarm would go off in the morning and the first thing I would think about is all the problems that we had and how awfully things had gone off the tracks.

You didn't want to deal with them.

No, and I also didn't know, I didn't know I didn't think I could. And this goes back to the feelings. Like you think that you need to feel confident or courageous in order to get started. You don't. You actually just have to start and that's the riddle of life. That lying in bed hoping that you wake up some morning motivated to change, that's not the answer. You actually have to learn how to push yourself. You have to learn how to how to leverage the power of your decisions, and you've got to learn how to take action when you don't fucking feel like it. Because every morning when I woke up, I did not feel confident. I felt like a loser. I felt like the world's worst parent. I felt like I had failed at every single turn. I did not know if Chris and I could pull out of the spiral. I did not know if we were going to go bankrupt and lose the house and move from our community. I did not know if our marriage would survive. I knew I wanted it to. And see, this is the knowledge action gap. You can know what you want, you can know what you should be doing, but how do you make yourself do it when the feelings and the motivation isn't there? When all you got is fear. And so every night I would lie in bed and I would say to myself, all right, that's it, Mel. Tomorrow it's the new you. Tomorrow you're gonna wake up and be motivated, you're gonna get up, you're gonna exercise like everybody says you should, You're gonna meditate, you're gonna get those kids on the bus, you're gonna screw Fox, you're gonna look for a job, you're gonna cold call Cox Media and you're gonna, you're gonna do auditions. Come on, girl, let's go, let's go, let's go. You're gonna take a cold shower, whoo, you know, here we go. And I meant it when I was saying it, maybe it was the alcohol that was talking, but then I would wake up and I didn't feel any of those things. So I would hit the snooze and I would hit the snooze. Now, why was I hitting the snooze when I knew It wasn't the right decision. I'm gonna tell you why. And this is something that I was blown away by when I discovered it. You don't make decisions with your goals. You don't make decisions with your prefrontal cortex. You don't make decisions with logic. Do you know how we make decisions? I didn't invent this. A neuroscientist by the name of Damasio, who does his research in Brazil, who gave an incredible TED talk and wrote about this forever and ever and ever. We make decisions with feelings. 95% of our decisions are made by how you feel in the moment. And that is the problem. You need to take control of the moment and leverage the power of your decisions and make them up here. Because when I was lying in bed, I wasn't saying to myself, I should get up because that's going to help me start my day right. I was saying, do I feel like getting up?

No, you don't.

No. Do you feel like making that cold call? No, you don't. Do you feel like doing that third set of reps? No, you don't. Do you feel like having that hard conversation? No, you don't. Do you feel like ending this relationship, whether it's in business or in your life, that is sucking you dry? No, you don't. We make decisions based on our feelings and that is robbing you of joy and opportunity. and it is blinding you from the fact that how you change your life is one five second decision at a time, one push at a time. And if you accept the fact that you may never feel ready and you may never feel motivated and you may never feel confident, you may never feel courageous and that's okay, but you can still push yourself forward. What happens over time is as you start to see yourself becoming the person that takes action, that you start to see yourself becoming the kind of person that speaks even though your voice is shaking. You're the kind of person that has a bias toward moving instead of a bias toward thinking. Guess what happens? You build the skill of confidence and courage. And so what happened for me is I was stuck, Louis. I mean, I was so stuck. I was on, I mean, we were heading straight for divorce. We were heading for bankruptcy. I knew I wanted to change things. And so one night I see this commercial. This is the stupidest story on the planet, but this is what happened. I see this commercial. And again, I also was drinking too much. I mean, I probably had a couple Manhattans in me. That's my drink. I'm from the Midwest, just like you. All right, little Manhattan there, little bourbon. And there was a rocket ship launching.

On a commercial.

Yeah.

And I had this instinct. this innovation, this disruptive idea, right? Oh my god, Mel, that's the answer. Tomorrow morning, you're gonna launch your ass out of bed like a rocket ship. You're gonna move so fast, you can't even think about your problems. Dumb, right? Totally dumb. See, it's like this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I cannot believe I have this chick on my podcast.

I understand it. You gotta get moving first. Yes, that's the thing. You just gotta wake up at 6:00 a.m. or whenever it is and go into the gym. When you're in the gym, you're gonna.

Start moving the first weight and then you'll start moving the second weight. Yes, actually people use the five second rule at the gym because you know how much time people waste at the gym standing around thinking about the next thing? Probably 70% of the time. 54321. So the next morning the alarm goes off and nothing had changed in my life. I woke up to the lean on the house, the fighting with Chris, the unemployment, the lack of confidence, the lack of courage, the whole thing. But I did something I had never done before. I went 5-4-3-2-1, just like NASA. I actually counted. And then I stood up and I was like, what the hell just happened?

Uh-huh.

What? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The next morning I used it again. It worked. The next morning I used it again. It worked. And then I started to notice something. And this is one of those things. So we have an 11-year-old son who has dyslexia. And when they finally diagnosed him, it was as if, of course, it was as if, like, how could we have possibly missed this? Are we the worst parents in the world? I mean, the kid can barely write, he can't cut his food, he doesn't read, like, no wonder he doesn't do team sports. It was right under our nose. And what I'm about to tell you is right under everybody's nose. There's a five-second window between the instincts, the shoulds, the urges, the inner wisdom, the things that can change your life if you listen to it. You've got a five-second window from the moment you feel that instinct to move. And if you don't, your brain is actually designed to kill it. Five seconds is all you have. The second you hesitate, it's action and you feel yourself hesitating, that is a moment of huge power because what's happened is you've just started to pull back from something that you need to lean into. and if you count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 and this is the neuroscience behind why this stupid little trick works, counting is an action. Counting backwards requires focus. It's also not a habit for you yet. So when you feel yourself hesitate, you're triggering your mind that something's up. Like Lewis didn't hesitate when he pulled on his pants, he didn't hesitate when he's drinking his coffee, he didn't hesitate when he walked out the door to the gym, but now he's hesitating to make that call? Your mind now goes into a cognitive bias called the spotlight effect. It magnifies whatever it was that you hesitated doing.

The moment.

The moment, yeah. Like all of a sudden, you're like, I don't feel like it. I don't know, maybe I'll do it later. And your mind is doing it because your mind's trying to protect you. Hesitation signals a red flag to your mind that something's up. Just that small hesitation, it's a habit that we all have. Should you hesitate if you're getting a tattoo? Yes. Should you hesitate if you're gambling? Yes. Should you hesitate if you are signing a legal document? Yes. You need your prefrontal cortex for those things. You need to interrupt it, make a decision. Should you hesitate on making a phone call? No. Should you hesitate on speaking up in a meeting?

No.

Should you hesitate when you feel yourself starting to procrastinate and you know you got work that you should get done?

No.

You shouldn't hesitate at all. Should you hesitate in saying the thing that you really feel in your heart?

No.

You shouldn't. Should you hesitate and edit yourself when you're talking? No, you shouldn't. But we've all trained ourselves to. So it's actually this habit of hesitating. You start catching yourself. It's a huge moment of power because you have a decision to make and you got to make it in the next five seconds. Are you going to go on autopilot and get trapped in your mind? Or are you going to 5-4-3-2-1 and awaken your prefrontal cortex and drive forward? So I started to use this rule. as I noticed that every day all day long, I had these moments of inner wisdom where I would know that I needed to pick up the phone and stop isolating myself. I would know that I needed to call a bunch of media companies and start auditioning for radio show hosting gigs. I knew that I should get out of bed on time. I knew I should stop myself before I snapped at Chris, right? Self-monitor. I knew I should not feel let the frustration be the things that was driving me. And so I started to use the rule all day long. Whenever I felt this, I should do this, 5-4-3-2-1, and I would make myself do it. And slowly, five seconds at a time, my entire life started to change. And my husband used it in his business and he and his business partner dove in. They went on to open seven more restaurants. I went on to launch and sell two businesses and get recruited by CNN and join their team. I had a syndicated radio show that that ended up winning the Gracie Award, which is kind of the female media awards for the number one talk show in the country. And I never intended to tell anybody about the five-second rule. First of all, because it's stupid. I mean, come on, count backwards, that's the dumbest thing.

That's stupid to me, though. Anything that works works for me.

That's true.

I mean, I'll take any stupid thing.

That's true. But I also I was like, how do you start talking about something like that, right? Yeah. So I was asked to give a TED Talk, like six years ago, and TED six years ago, not the brand that it was today. They weren't even putting the talks online yet. Really?

Yeah.

The TEDx talks were not online yet. And so that was the first speech I'd ever given in my life. If you want to see what somebody looks like having a panic attack for 21 minutes straight, watch that speech. I was backstage and it was like one PhD after another going out there. I'm like, what scientists? How have I gotten myself into this? That's the dumbest thing. And so at the very end, I wasn't even planning on talking about it. I say, oh, by the way, there's this thing I do. That's it. I don't even explain it. And you know why I didn't explain it, Louis? I didn't know why it worked.

So you didn't have the science or the research.

You were just like, Zero. Zero. And then something crazy happened. They put that talk online a year later and people started to write, We've heard from more than 100,000 people in 90 countries that have written to us, that are using the rule in ways big and small to change their lives, to change their marriages, to change their thinking patterns, to grow their businesses. We know of 11 people that have stopped themselves from killing themselves. In the moment, there's a gentleman that we talk about in the book, and you can see his social media posts in London. He was a veteran and he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and he boarded a ferry with the intention of jumping overboard. And he got to the railing and he was standing there and his inner wisdom kicked in. And this is another thing I want everybody watching to understand. I don't care what you're facing or how low you get. Your inner wisdom is always there. It is. And the thing is, is that we often don't listen to it. And so he's standing there intending to kill himself and that inner wisdom kicks in and he remembers the five second rule and he goes 5-4-3-2-1 and he turns and physically moves away from the railing and finds the first person working on the ferry and tells him that he's suicidal. Saved his life.

Wow.

He saved his life because he listened to the inner wisdom. And this is the other thing I love about this rule. It's not something to think about. It's a tool to use. so the part of the problem with a lot of the advice that I've found for me personally is that a lot of advice is all about kind of doing mental battle. And if I go upstairs, I'm behind enemy lines and I tend to get hijacked.

Right.

So I love this tool because 5-4-3-2-1 interrupts those patterns. It actually prompts the part of the brain that I need in order to change, and it makes changing easier. Because I've now got my mind working for me instead of against me and it gets me out of my head.

Find alternative ways to let people down.

Why is that?

To preserve the relationship.

Because when you say no to someone, even if it's a friend, they might take it personally.

It stings.

Right?

Why are you saying no to me? Why do you have to say like that? You can say, you can reject people in a thoughtful way, in a professional way. It just, it depends. Do you care about the relationship? And if you do, your know, your hard know, can hurt people's feelings. People become sensitive because you're rejecting them. And so I'm going to think of a different way to say no that's not going to impact you as much. It's really using language thoughtfully. So for example, you brought up lying. I love that. And you said, you know, when I was a kid, I lied. So I would never say to you, Louis, you're a liar. Or, Louis, no, Louis, you're lying to me. I would say, Louis, I know you're not being truthful with me. Louis, you're holding something back from me. Sounds different. So it's the same way with language. We throw our words out and we don't realize that they land on someone. And so then we scratch our heads wondering, why did this conversation not go well? It's this person's the problem. When we don't have the ability to think about how did I deliver this? So if it's a business relationship that's important to you, but you want to say no to this, you want to think of a great way to say no. So we want to think about how do we let people down without hurting their identity? Going back to identity.

Was there ever a time when you were interviewing or interrogating someone and you didn't believe them ever, but they were telling 100% the truth?

Oh my God, you just reminded me of this case.

You're just like, I know this person's lying to me, but at the end of the day, everything anything he said was pretty true or almost 100%.

This was, this was, I've never, I had, it was such a simple case and it was not even for a lot of money. It was an ATM scam. This man was going to ATMs and he was taking, stealing money. Somebody would go in, use their credit card, he'd come from behind, take money. Very simple. On the ATM.

Like put him up with like a gun or something.

No, no, no, no. Just follow them in. There's these little skimmers that they put on top of the machine. So when scan your card, that it would pick up your information as well, and then you could go, there's all these different scams. So, but when you go to the ATM, there's a camera there. It's got your full picture. So, I have a picture of this guy, my perpetrator. It's a picture of him. I see him, his face. He's wearing a hat. He's wearing a New York Knicks hat. And I was like, here's my guy. All right, you know, I've got it. All I got to do is lay the picture on. So he shows up for his interview wearing the same New York Knicks hat. So I start speaking to him. I don't take out my evidence, right? Because I'm saving that. Because I'm, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my. She knew this is a slam dunk. This is a slam dunk. I was like, and he didn't even steal a lot. $500. It was something. Small. I don't know how it landed in my lap, but it did. And, sir, you took the money. No, no, miss. I swear to God, I would never do that.

Sir, we have this.

So I'm doing this with him for like 15 minutes. And this was a mistake on my part.

We have evidence, we have proof, we.

Have video footage of this.

Giving him everything. No, never me, never me. And I pull out, I think I'm being slick, and I pull out my photo of him, boom, right on the table. Who's that, sir? Right, and I'm sitting there, I'm all smug, I'm like, I got this guy. And he takes it, and he looks at it, he's like, looks like me. Yeah, he looks like me. He's not me. I was like, what? That's you. He's like, it looks like me. That's not me. Same hat, New York Knicks hat.

The guy's wearing the hat right now.

Yeah, no. And it was a craziest interview and I remember it was for money. It was not for a lot of money. In fact, when it came to financial crimes, crimes that had to do with money, it was actually hArder to get people to confess to those. Why?

Less guilt.

Less guilt.

They didn't hurt someone physically.

Yes.

They might have hurt them financially.

Yes. I'm at home. I'm sitting behind my computer. I'm in my fuzzy slippers.

Yeah.

Or even if I'm doing it at the ATM, I'm not stealing from you. I'm stealing from the bank.

Yeah.

But it's different when I walk by you and actually put my hand in your pocket. It's different when I go into your home. and I assault you. So there's that level of guilt when it's money, and especially if you steal it from an institution.

Yeah, who cares?

Zero guilt. Those were the hardest to get. But yeah, that was my guy. I will never forget it.

So, was it him or was it not him?

It was him. We arrested him anyway, 'cause we had the proof. But it's always great to get, it's always helpful to have a confession, because it really just kind of seals everything. You've got the evidence, you've got this, the person said it.

But he never agreed to it.

No, no, no. He said, Looks like me, but it's not me. No, same New York Knicks hat. Yeah, I don't know. I guess he's from New York. Who doesn't like the Knicks? He does nothing. And you could see his face, looks like me.

I got nothing from him. Really?

Yeah.

So he never actually told the truth.

But it was, in fact, him. Who was him? I mean, we had evidence. We had prints, we had all that stuff.

But yeah, no, he, you know, to the end. No, not me. Could you tell?

Like-- I couldn't tell.

You couldn't tell he was lying or not.

I couldn't tell. No, he was so believable. But I knew going in that he was my guy.

Right.

So that's why I was like, I know it's him, but it was just like, stowing. And there's a moment I'm like, is it not him?

Right?

So these are so good. You're like, my scene is ready. Turn the photo around. I'm like, no, no, it's him.

It's him.

It's him. No, no, this is you. So some people aren't that good. Some people are that good. They will Some people, and I think this is, look, this was also somebody who committed a lot of crimes. He was used to it. He's used to it. So certain people who are, who lie a lot usually become better at it or they, or they don't feel bad. It becomes, become better at masking it. You obviously have a great conscience and so it bothered you. And so all your tells were shown. You can be convinced.

Yeah, your heart is pumping, like your chest is tight, the throat is clenching, you're like, ugh.

It bothered you. Yeah. Which is a healthy thing. It's actually a healthy thing when it bothers you. We tend to see in people who are, who have sociopathic tendencies or antisocial tendencies, those people don't tend to be bothered. And so they can lie and can be quite calm about it because they don't feel that guilt. The majority of people will feel guilt, so the majority of people will feel the way you feel. Because you know it's wrong, you feel it. Whereas those individuals with those tendencies, they don't care.

What about a situation that you lied your way through where someone believed you? Is there a situation like that in the last three to five years where you lied about something you're not proud of maybe, or But people believed you and more than just, oh, I'm having a good day, lie.

You know what I did? I could probably confess to this. This was so long ago. I went and got, it was back in the day, I got a money order from.

Western Union.

The post office.

Post office.

And you know, I was like young, I was a kid. I wasn't making a lot of money. I was in college and so I asked for a money order for like 3.99. I pay, I get it, and then as I'm leaving, I see $4.99 and I'm like, oh! 100 bucks.

100 bucks?

And I took it. And to this day, I remember it, it bothered me.

Really?

Yeah, it bothered me. Did it bother that you didn't tell.

The truth right then and say, Hey, you guys get the money? No, I took the money. Yeah. It bothered you that you lied about it.

Statute of limitations. I think I'm okay. I took the money. It bothered me. afterward because I knew it was, I knew it was wrong. I will tell you this one story.

We went- Did that come up in the Secret Service interview? Did you ever steal something like money when you were younger?

You know what I did lie about and did come up in my Secret Service interview? I'll tell you that. I, when I applied for the job, when I went to college, my parents, and I love my family, they weren't very supportive. supportive. They weren't very supportive of my decisions. My dad was a bit difficult. Like, they didn't really want me to go. And so when you apply for college, you need their paperwork, their tax paperwork.

I needed Aid.

They couldn't afford it. Right. And so my dad was so upset.

With me, he wouldn't give me his.

Tax paperwork to go to college. Yeah. They didn't agree with my decisions because I was going to private school that they could not afford. And I was like, I'll figure it.

Out on my own.

But either way, And so I lied when I went to the school. I said, I can't get this tax paperwork. You know, the main person was there is like, well, you think you can't get aid? And so I went back to the school later on and I said, I'm not living at home. I'm alone. Can I get aid? I can't get access to this tax paperwork. And then I got aid. So I flat out, yup, I lied. And I spilled the beans in my polygraph.

I was like, I told them, this is what happened.

I said, I lied to get financial aid. Because I couldn't qualify for aid. And so I was like, they didn't care that I was like, look, my dad, my mom, they won't give me their tax paperwork. They're so upset with me. They don't agree with my decision to go to this school to do this. And they're like, no, unless you don't have your parents in your life. I was just like, I was like, I'm going to college. And I lied, but in my polygraph, I was like, I have to tell you something. actually, I said it before they hooked me up. And I said, look, I did, I lied about this. I did this, you know, like, why did you do it? I was like, I wanted to go to college. I couldn't get money to go to school.

So I was okay. I got the job. Wow. How many things did you tell, did.

You confess to before you took the polygraph? That was my biggest thing. Yeah. That was my thing. Drugs, like, I didn't, I never had, despite growing up in New York, I never had any issues. I, I always stayed away from it. I think because I saw so much around it of that around me. And the more people kind of put it in my face, the more I was kind of like, I'm not doing that. But probably would have been the opposite. If nobody did it, I'd be the one to be like, oh, I'm gonna try this. I think that was the biggest thing. It weighed the heaviest with me because I was like, I did this bad thing. I lied on my financial aid paperwork to get aid. I'm hoping the statute of limitations has expired on that as well. I paid back all my loans.

I'm sure it's fine.

Yeah. I pay back all my loans.

When you're in an interrogation or an interview, or you're on a first date, or you're at a job interview in your career, or any type of first interview in any situation, what's the best way to build command, authority, and credibility?

Yeah. So you can do very simple things like when you greet someone, hi, how are you? Come on in. Why don't you use the bathroom before we get started? So I'm not asking you, would you like to use the bathroom? I'm telling you, why don't you go use the bathroom? Why don't you have something to drink? What can I bring you?

Right?

So I'm, in this subtle way, I'm telling you to go to the bathroom and you're gonna go because of the way I said it. Why don't you go to the bathroom? No, no, go before we get started.

Right?

You just said authority. Why don't you have something to drink?

Oh, no, I'm good. No, have something to drink. So now-- We're gonna be here for a little bit.

Have a seat. So now I'm planting these little seeds telling you, I'm in control. I'm not telling you, but I'm doing it subtly. Have a seat there. You know, you can show me where to sit. Or on the flip side, you could also practice something called autonomy, where you let somebody choose their own seat. And that's a different tactic. Where would you like to sit?

Yeah.

Where would you like to sit? So you may use that on me if you want to talk about a topic that I don't want to talk about. And so autonomy makes me feel like I have a choice. You let me choose where I'm going to sit because you're going to let me have it later. You're going to try to push me on something later.

I gave you something now. The law of reciprocity means you give me something later.

Exactly. But also autonomy though, it's actually also not reciprocity. It's actually more of I feel in control. because we don't like to feel like we're not in control. So if you want to talk about something where I'm really uncomfortable, I don't feel like I'm in control. I will give you control elsewhere. So I will give you control in picking where you want to meet. I will give you control in what time. I will give you control in where you want to sit. Little things like that you can do where that person has autonomy to choose. We can do it here. We can talk about this or we can talk about this. Which would you prefer? Nobody likes to feel like they don't have control. So a way that you can deal with a resistant person is by giving them some level of control.

When you're going on a first date, and you've been maybe in an abusive relationship in the past where you were a doormat, you were walked on, you had no control, no authority, the person that you were in a relationship with walked over your boundaries, took advantage of all that, and you've had time to heal and now you're getting back out there. How can that person create a great dating experience in that first date to put themselves more in the driver's seat with some authority and not a doormat mentality?

Alright, so there's two things. I think the first thing is don't take out on that person what was done to you by somebody else.

That's the worst.

They're just, you know, because we've all been victims of things to some degree, right? And let's say even if it was abusive, if it was horrible, it was that, it is also not fair to take that out on an innocent person, like to take your trauma out to someone else. And sometimes we can feel trauma elsewhere and then project it onto someone else who didn't cause that to us. So I would say that's the most important thing because it will allow you to connect. The other thing I will say is the majority of people tend to trust. When we have relationships with people, we tend to go and trust people. So when someone says something to you, you tend to believe it.

Believe it.

The average person. Why is that? We're just engineered that way. And I don't even know why that is, but we tend to sway towards trusting the person in law enforcement. Actually, it's the opposite. Law enforcement officials are notorious for thinking people are deceitful. So the average person believes people are honest. Law enforcement believes people are deceitful because they deal with more people who lie. But that causes a problem elsewhere because when you do have innocent people, we're telling the truth. They're telling you the truth. And then you get false confessions. You get problems. You're looking at the wrong person because you're confirmation bias. That's a whole other animal over there. But knowing that we tend to give people, we tend to believe people automatically, just hold a little bit of that back.

Don't- Believe less?

Just be more reserved in how much you trust.

Discerning about it, yeah.

Yes, just don't put it all out on the table. oh my God, this guy's great or gal's great. I just connected with them. And then what we do, we go nose in. And so you don't want to give unconditional trust. So unconditional trust is like, I give you now trust across the board. I trust you in everything. When you start dating someone or any new relationship, even in business, always conditional trust. I'm not going to trust you all the way. I'm going to trust you part of the way. So now here's the thing. We love to trust unconditionally, which is probably why we tend to just want to give people trust. It's less work. I could just turn my brain off. I can trust you, Louis. Great story, yeah. Louis asked me anything you want because you asked me in the beginning, is there anything off the table? I'm like, no, Louis, go ahead and ask. But you give that person unconditional trust and I don't have to think so hard. I don't have to worry if you're gonna manipulate me. I don't have to, be on my guard. It's easy. It's easier that relationship. Conditional trust means I have to be a bit more careful. So it's like me going to buy a car. I know I'm dealing with a car salesman. I know I should be careful. It's just understood that they try to get you to buy certain things they use certain language. So when I go in, I go in with conditional trust. And so I'm better protected. That's why there you're less likely to get hurt and those those situations where you understand, I can't fully give everything to this person. I can't fully trust them conditionally. I can, excuse me, unconditionally, so I have to just be careful. The thing is, that's work. It's a lot of work. We get tired. We access a specific part of the brain when we do that, a more complex part of the brain. So that's why unconditional trust You don't want to give it right away and that is why when we get betrayed by people close to us that's why it hurts most. It's usually by people who betrayed us on who we give unconditional trust to. Yeah, that's my advice for dating. That's when it stings.

Would you use the same approach if let's say you're, you know, I haven't been on a first date in forever, but let's say you're on a date, your first date with someone, would you say, hey, why don't you have some water? Why don't you use the restroom first? Where would you like to sit? Would you do the same approach there?

I would not because I don't want to establish authority there. That's not-- if you're looking to have a relationship, I would not do that. That's creepy. That's a controlling unconscious.

What should you establish? Trust.

I think rapport and trust. And I think probably the best thing you can do is just not talk about yourself and listen to that other person. Just ask about them.

What would be the, the, you did.

That to me when I walked in.

Yeah.

I was like, heavy, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I was like, what would be the three question, three most fascinating questions someone could ask on a first date that would not be interrogational, but be connecting questions.

Ted, tell me about yourself. Explain to me what your dreams are. Describe to me what your, you know, what your hopes are. Don't create a question because you may ask a question that you think is fascinating and they're gonna look at you like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You don't know what they think like, what their aspirations are, what their-- We're on a hypothetical first date. What would you say to me using.

The tell me about your podcast? I'd love to hear all about it.

Ooh, okay. Explain to me how you got into that. Describe to me like what it's like when you interview all these different people. I'm gonna shut up and I'm gonna let you go a little bit. Because now I get to hear you, I get to see what you're like, your values, your beliefs, what excites you, what doesn't excite you. You're going to tell me about why you started it. You're going to tell me about your background, what got you into it, any growing pains or heartaches or how this happened. You're going to tell me about your favorite guests. You're not favorite guests. You're going to tell me about the amazing things you learned or maybe some of the things that you were like, I can't believe I brought this guest on. And so now you just opened up this world. I had to do no work and I can just listen.

These are more indirect questions, is that right? Or open-ended questions?

Open-ended questions.

So don't ask a direct question. Who is your favorite guest? Don't say that.

I would tell me about your guests and then I would allow you to naturally tell me on your own because you feel like you're in control and it's more likely that you will tell me on your own. But if I ask you directly and if you want to protect the integrity of the people you interview because you don't want to say, this is my favorite guest to make it public because then it's gonna hurt the people that come on the show, right? Your clientele, so to speak, your guests. So I would, you're not gonna answer it. You're gonna be reluctant. Oh, Evie, I love everybody.

It's like my kids, you know? You can't say you have a favorite kid.

It's all your kids. You're gonna say that. It's like when people ask me, who's your favorite president? I always say, I love them all. They're all, I love protecting all of them. But if if somebody says, Tell me about the people you protected, or Tell me about the presidents you protected. Now, I feel comfortable. I'm in control. I'm talking. The more we talk, the more we leak, I'm less guarded. It's less direct. I don't even know you're trying to find that. And I may naturally, on my own, get them.

Tell me about a characteristic of a president that wowed you the most. You like that opener? You like that opener?

I might use my own head on me.

A characteristic from one of the presidents that you were just like, obviously they were all inspiring in some way, I'm assuming, for you, but tell me about a characteristic or a belief, a mindset, an approach, a strategy that one of them used that wowed you.

I liked, there's a couple, there's like little things. I'll tell you, former President George Bush Sr. He used to write note cards to everybody. He had a little, he wrote note cards, thank you so much. He would just send little note cards to people. And I saw what an impact that made to people to receive a handwritten note. He hand wrote it from someone saying, thank you, I appreciate you. And to this day I do that. I took that from President George Bush, 'cause I saw that and I was like, what a wonderful thing. And I saw how much of an impact that did. It was a very little thing, but I took that from him. So whenever I meet someone or there's an exchange or something, I will write a handwritten note card. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it. And it does a lot.

Did he write you a card?

He did not write me a card. He wasn't my full-time protectee, but I watched.

Yeah, you watched him actually write it for other people.

Yeah.

Or you saw other people, Get it?

Both.

You would see them when they would work and you would know what they did or didn't do. But that's what he did. And other characteristics, I think, I liked President Obama. I liked the way he spoke. And for me, that was very, I appreciated that because I, although I was an agent and an interviewer, I didn't know how to speak for myself. It's weird, right? I could speak on behalf of the government and the law and all that, but I never paid attention to the way I spoke to people and what I loved. You could hear him. You could hear him. Usually you call Renegade, I could say it, it's public, it's in his book, Renegade on the Move, right? You could hear the agents say that, but you could hear him. You could hear him, you could, I love the way he echoed his voice and projected his voice and didn't hold it back, and how he took his time to speak, where a lot of people speak very fast because we feel that we're not worthy of somebody's time. I don't want to take up too much of your time, so I'm going to speak fast. We do that, we feel like, let me just hurry up and say this. This person's probably busy. They have things to do. And then he really projected his voice. Like it boomed through the hallways. and that was a person who was not shy of being present, of taking a space and letting you know I'm here and my voice is relevant. I like that.

Mm, that's powerful.

Yes.

Any other characteristics from anyone else?

Hmm. There's so many.

The ones that wowed you, that still stand out.

They all did. Like, they were all great. George Washington, George Washington.

Oh my God. All right, how old are you?

G.W. President George Bush, he, like, I love going to the ranch with him. I'm from New York City, I go to Texas. I was just like, what? It was like, we were out in the wild. He's like, we're going, we're gonna make trails. I was like, why are we gonna make trails? There's a road right there. We'd cut trails and hike. And he was very authentic. who he was on camera was who he was off camera and vice versa. He was very just real. And so you'd see these qualities with different people and, you know, it's kind of interesting. I just thought of it. I was almost like in my own school of greatness by being in the White House. And then over all the years of about you're around all these people, these influential leaders, despite Forget politics. It still takes a person of some- To get there. Yes, to get there. And so you watch them, and then not just them, they've got cabinet members, other individuals who you watch and you listen to, you see how they problem solve. And I was in my own school of greatness where I just got to be front row and you're doing your job at the same time you're like, you're listening, you're watching, you're absorbing. I loved it.

Were there any strategies you witnessed or watched or observed from them telling you or not telling you on how they commanded respect and authority in just their way of being, tonality, was it touching people, you know, in their hand, is it, you know, whatever it is, look, eye contact, what were the things that they did or that some of them did that really stood to you.

So I'll tell you this, they didn't have to work as hard because they're already the authority. They're already the authority. So you don't, so I want to say that, like they don't, the president can look at you and be like, hey, how you doing? And then like blow you off and you're like, oh my God, I got like a whole solid second. Whereas when they're talking to me or you, it's just like, he only gave me a second, right? So they don't have to work as hard. So even the little attention they give you lands on you. However though, eye contact is huge. When you talk to someone and you want to convey, you want to convey, hey, trust me, and rapport, this is huge. In fact, if you go to the supermarket and you look at cereal boxes, they have cartoon, the characters on the cereal boxes.

They're looking at you.

You know where a lot of them look down? They're looking down. You know who they're looking down? You'll see cereal boxes where the character looks down.

At the cereal.

No, I'm a cereal box, right? I'm the trickster. Rabbit or whatever, right? Now you go shopping, I'm not looking at you, I'm looking down.

Why am I looking down?

The rabbit's looking down. Right. The rabbit's looking down. Thank you.

Wow.

Because the kid's the consumer.

Yeah, not the adult.

No, the kid's gonna say, Mom, come grab me. Mom buy that for me. Oh my God. So they designed them to actually look down and they also put them at a certain level. And so maybe in adult cereal, they'll have the person looking at higher up because they're looking at the adult. Eye contact is huge. It conveys trust me, talk to me, I'm here, I'm connected with you. Even when you want to listen to people. Normally we do break eye contact, but good communicators will lock in. They're not uncomfortable. They're there, I'm with you, I'm connected with you. That is huge. But you touched on literally touching people and you see a tactic. I don't want to say a tactic, but no, it's a tactic. It's a strategy. It's a strategy. It's, you know, hey, you know, Louis, and you know, and maybe I like to touch your forearm.

Yeah.

You can do that. But I will say today- you- can't do that. Today is very different. You know, they would teach us that. They're like, hey, you can touch the top of a person's knee and just be like, hey, and I could be like, whoa, unwanted touch. So now I would actually go against that. I would actually Encourage people not to do that just simply because you don't know how it's going to be received. And now today, you got to be a little bit less is more with that.

Yeah, I mean, shaking your hand, maybe.

That'S it for a second hand on.

The top, like a genuine heartfelt for two seconds and then let it go.

Yeah, I think so. I think so. You want to respect people's space. It's a little bit different. I think we have more, well, we do have more social space now. It's interesting how that's going to change the dynamics of how we interact in future.

Interesting. How do you build that trust without being present and more connected and touching and...

Right, and you have a mask. You can't even see the lower portion of a person's face, which conceals their expressions, their gestures, so it's even harder to read them.

What's more important is what you do with what you got to develop into the vision of the mission you need to serve. And so the book kind of lays out a lot of the science behind that and then goes into you know, obviously most of us oriented towards the six habits.

So in terms of clarity, what is that habit that you take on on a daily or monthly basis with how it with clarity? What do you think about? You're like every morning, what am I clear about? Or, you know, how do you apply that habit to your life?

I apply it a couple ways. First, for me, every situation I go into, I'm consistently asking like, what, what's the feeling I want to have here? If you ever see me teach, it's often I would say bring the joy. So I have joy triggers that I've set up in my mind that makes me more intentional about things. So for example, a door frame trigger. Whenever I walk through a door, I say bring the joy. So when I walk through that door right there, it's like bring the joy into this room. It's just a mental trigger that I've set up for myself. Every morning in the shower, I ask myself three questions and not that I shower every morning, but the ones I do, the first question I say, What can I be excited about today? So it forces me to be clear about what's gonna draw joy and enthusiasm from me. Number two, I say, what might trip me up today? Because usually I know what's going on the day. I'm like, what might mess me up? Where might I not perform well? What might bother me? And number three, I say, what can I do to surprise somebody today? To give a gift of appreciation or acknowledgement today? and so I think through that in the morning. So I think that helps me begin my day pretty clear. Then when I sit down before I do work, I literally look at my calendar of the day. This is morning and I look at whatever's going on the day and I think about it for 20 minutes. It's one of my 20 minute routines in the morning. I literally think about my calendar for 20 minutes a day. People think that's crazy, but what I'm thinking through when I'm looking at the calendar, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have that call. what do I want to happen on that call? You know, what's my intention for that call? What's my goal for that call? What's the feeling for that call? How do I want to end that call? You know, I'm gonna have that time with Louis. Like, how do I want to be there and, and how can I make sure I enjoy it? Because it's a big deal. You know, I love your show. I want to do a good job. I want to share something good for the people, even though I have no idea what you're gonna ask.

Right, right.

And this, I just, I want to be present for that and, and make sure I'm really there even though maybe I have a head cold today. You know, it's like just thinking through it. I think that helps me. It keeps me asking questions. Every Sunday, I do a life arenas assessment. That just means I think there's 10 areas of our life and I score myself in them. And this is about my 11th year of doing this.

Wow.

So each area of my life, you know, from emotional quality to happiness, to relationships, to time, to hobby, et cetera. I just give myself a score of one to ten. And one means I suck. And I was horrible in the previous week on that. Ten means I did a good job. And then I ask, how can I do better? It's my Sunday routine. And it just keeps me clear. And it's not like I don't sometimes, like everyone else, you know, wonder what's going on or what I'm doing. But those habits, those were my habits. You have to establish your own for seeking clarity, but when you have them, you weaponize your life.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Clarity. Powerful thing. Without Clarity, it's hard to achieve a dream.

Yeah.

It's hard to. To get better. It's hard to grow and be a high performer.

Yeah. No Clarity, no change. That's it.

No goals, no growth. That's it. The second one that I see here is energy.

Yeah.

What do you mean by energy?

So in the way we.

Peak energy. High energy all day long.

Yeah.

No, it's not caffeinated energy, but. It's the habit is generate energy. Not necessarily have energy.

Create energy.

Create energy. And what they do, the way we measure that was kind of academic, mental energy, which is tied to your focus and your stamina and your ability to manage complex tasks without too much mental stress. Number two is emotional energy, which is just the quality of positive emotions. And number three is physical energy. High performers are 40% more likely to work out five times per week than the rest of their peers. That means the top 15% most high performing people in the world tend to work out five days per week. And that workout could be defined as 45 minute brisk walk or hit intensity or whatever it is, but 40% more likely. That's a huge finding. And what we found is high performers just have better well-being and happiness and physical conditioning than everybody else. One stunning finding was CEOs, senior executives and business owners, they report expending as much energy as athletes who are competitive now.

I can imagine. Yeah.

I was surprised by that. I would have thought athletes would be 10% more.

I mean, the emotional and mental energy they have to the decision making, the conversations, the big deals, the stakeness. It's a lot of energy.

It's a lot. That's why, I mean, if you really want to achieve your dreams, you have to care for your body, your mind. It's why all these things, you know, finally resonating in the marketplace, because the science of meditation or taking a break or, you know, managing your own energy, sleep is everything. Yeah. And I think all of that is really important. And we say generate energy because there's this myth that, you know, some people have happiness or they have, it's like, no, you generate it. You don't have happiness.

You generate it.

You create it. And so the quality of your energy, you have to create. Like you and I both, I mean, if most of our audience knew our schedules, your schedule the last five days, it's like, how is Lewis even able to focus right now?

And how are you able to get here and do this as well?

Yeah, but it's because we say, well.

This is our mission. show up, man.

Yeah.

You know, there's plenty of times I gotta imagine you've walked on the field.

And you were like, I'm spent.

Exhausted. You know, I remember you, like, flew down to compete.

And I still play. Yeah, I still play with the USA team handball.

Yeah.

Team. And a year ago, I flew down to. I remember I did an interview in Miami and then flew out from Miami and then went. And just went right into training camp and then played against Brazil, which is like, you know, Olympic. Olympic qualifiers and got our asses whipped, but it was fun, you know? But I had to have clarity and show up, even when I was like, oh, we're gonna lose. Like, there's zero chance. It was like the worst team in the NBA playing like the Warriors, and.

We were just like, we had no chance. But I had to show up and give my best, and you have to set all these routines. I mean, you know, the amount of routines that Tom Brady has in his life so that he can generate energy.

It's unbelievable. Stuns most people.

It's unbelievable. And that's just, that's the thing. That's what it takes if you want to be at that level. If you don't want to be at that level, you don't have to do it.

Do it.

Yeah, you don't have to do it. I mean, everybody can just like, well, I'm gonna go, you know, hit the Cinnabon, but it's like, it's pretty good. How do you want to feel at three o'clock?

If you want to feel amazing at three o'clock, don't end lunch with a Cinnabon. You know, it's crazy. Like, I'm 34 now, and I could eat, like, sugar and bad food for all my 20s, right? And now when I go off of sugar for, like, a month and then.

I just binge for a day, it's.

Like, I literally can't walk in it.

My back is, like, so sugar hangover. Oh, my gosh. Like, my whole body exhaustion. Inflammation.

So much inflammation. Once I cut it out, then I.

Bring it back, I'm like, yeah, oh, I feel so old. Yeah, well, and, dude, I'm the same way in my seminars. Like, I, you know, we do four day event and it's just me. I usually have one or two big names come in, but it's me 12 hours a day, four days, and I never sit down. High energy. I never sit down on stage. And super high energy. I mean, really going for it. Not just the clapping and the jumping, but really just expending heart. You know how hard it is.

Of course.

And I had to about the same time. I was 35. I had a, a famous strength and conditioning coach backstage. He works with me and Usher. And, and he, he's like, what do you eat back here? And, you know, another guy came in and strapped the heart rate monitor machine. He goes, I'm equivalently burning, equivalently working out at the marathon level every day for four days. They're like, you're not eat. I was losing, on average, 11 pounds in my seminars every, and I do eight events a year, so I was losing 88 pounds a year. You know, it was like, it's horrible for your health. So I had to learn how to eat. I had to learn, I do ice baths every night at my events, which smart, no one loves to do that.

Here's the thing, I used to do it every day in football, like during the season.

Yeah.

And it sucks for the first month.

But then you start to love it.

Yes, I have to do it. You know what I mean?

It's like, you just start to, ah, I feel so good. Feels so good. After stage, you know, it's just 12 hours. So those are, no one says, I want a habit of taking an ice bath at the end of the day. But if I want to be high performing on stage, that's the choice.

Yeah.

Now obviously people listening, you know, consult your doctor.

Of course.

Yeah, yeah.

And don't do it for 10 minutes. Don't stand for a half hour. Yeah. Right, right. So, but all those things you have to, what are your habits for energy? And the funny thing is, you sit down on high performers, they know them.

They can tell you, I do this.

This, this, this, and you're like, man, you're on your game.

You got it down.

Yeah.

And they're always probably looking to improve it. Yeah, totally.

Yeah, they're always, but they're very aware of it.

And they, what I found was they get pissy if they're off it. Yeah, of course. I didn't meditate this morning and I.

Was like, you know, I was kind of frustrated a little bit. Someone asked me when we were at our meeting today at the soul house, he was like, how was your meditation? Because he knows I like to meditate. And I was like, you know, I missed this morning. I did yesterday, but I missed this morning.

It's agitating when I miss my habits.

Yes.

It's like, ugh, I need to get up earlier. And yeah, that is exactly what you just said. It, it, it just It really agitates high performers when they're off their energetic. Absolutely. The third big personal habit, which by the way, I've been teaching high performance for a decade. We have the number one seminar on that and the number one online course. And I was wrong. I never knew this was a thing and you're gonna laugh because you're like, duh, dude, I could have sat you down. But I just didn't know. I knew, I taught it as like subtext, but I didn't know it was the thing. and that is high performers raise necessity. And what that means is they raise the necessity of performance in their mind before each performance. They say, I gotta do great. And they give themselves reasons why. So they're connected to their why, but it's different than just giving, like, know your why is nice. Know your why and give yourself edge for it.

What do you mean?

Let me give you an example. Two guys walking out on the track field. Who's gonna win? Well, equal quality of experience, similar times, maybe they've raced before. The guy at the blocks who I'm gonna bet on is the guy who came out and said, gotta do this for my mom. They have a reason to perform at heightened levels, and they have connected to that over and over. Now again, some of this duh, Brendan, but the finding, the research is they just do that more often than under performers or even good performers. They're more connected to their reasons why and they're stirring it, man. It's like, and they do it from two angles. One angle is your internal standards. My values or my self-expectations say, I gotta crush this because that's who I freaking am. Like when you walk out, you're like, you're not gonna, you know, screw around on when you're playing handball. You're like, this is who I'm Louis. I'm an athlete.

Yeah.

I'm gonna kick some ass here.

Yeah.

It's that self expectation. Okay. Then though, they pair it with external obligation. Like, my team needs me to do this. The deadline says this time. There's some kind of external, they don't call it pressure.

My family, something bigger than themselves.

Something bigger than yeah. And that was another thing I was surprised by. They don't say they rarely use the word pressure because they want it. Like people who use pressure, they don't want it. But high performers, I found they're connected. I'm doing this for a bigger cause, a bigger reason, a team. Or yeah, they're sometimes just like deadline. Like I'm an unbelievably high performing writer when there's a deadline. I'm more of a weapon. Before that, I'm not always on my game. But if you have those reasons, so you gotta have your internal reasons and your external reasons, and then your job is remind yourself of that more often. That's what's called raising necessity. And we were the first ones to try to prove that with the data. And I was pretty stunned that, remember, these three aren't like my opinion. You might say, yeah, yeah, these are whatever. I'm like, but these ones are more important than everything else we measure.

Really?

Over a hundred different habits. these are the ones that move the needle. So if you wanna move the needle in your personal life, number one, seek clarity more often. Number two, generate energy with more consistency and will. And number three, raise necessity, raise the stakes before you go into any performance situation where that's that next sales call. Because you know, it's easy. I think what high performers do, because of those three things, they're not going through the motions. There's not. There's more intentionality. more exerting of will, certainly more discipline. That's what's happening. That's why there's magic starting to happen. And then we compare it or combine it with the social habits, which we can walk through, and it was like, that's what makes it all come together.

So what's the first social habit?

Increased productivity. It's kind of like no duh. High performers are productive dudes. but what the uniqueness is, they're not just pushing more paper or checking more boxes because I both know a lot of people who, you know, their busy work isn't their life's work so they don't feel fulfilled from their productivity. High performers are fulfilled from what they're accomplishing, which is a big, big measure. And here's what they did. They identified their primary field of interest, which is a big deal. Then they identified what we call PQL, prolific quality output, which is what's the outputs that matter and get recognized and rewarded the most in this primary field of interest? And then they went all in at it. They became almost singular focus is like, you know, when, when jobs came back to Apple and got rid of all the product lines, said, these are what we're doing. That was prolific quality output. We're going to be prolific quality output on these things, not those. So it's important, like, for me, I thought for there was a period of my life where I thought my primary field of interest was personal development. And that's what most of the world knows me for. I've never posted any marketing on my Facebook page in terms of like marketing advice. I teach that. That's way down in my funnel. My front, my YouTube, my podcast, Facebook are all just personal development. So I really identified with that. and then I launched my first book, Life's Golden Ticket, which was my life's message, and it kind of bombed. It had bestseller, and then it died, you know, bam, pow.

Yeah.

And it really bummed me out. And I realized why. I said, you know what? I've been thinking my primary field of interest is personal development. And so I folk, I did all the book. I read all the books. I went to all the seminars. I, you know, studied with the gurus. I became friends with, you know, Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins, the big that's what I thought it was. And then I had to make a shift and I shift my primary field of interest to how to share a message. And it completely shift. When I started learning, I was like, you know what my primary field of interest needs to be is how to share a message, because I already got the message. And then I said, well, what's prolific in this area? Well, what's prolific is what's recognized in this particular area right at that time, but this is 2006, six and seven online video was just coming in. I mean, YouTube and Facebook were young.

YouTube was like 2004, I think. Yeah. 2005 or something.

Young.

And.

But what's mattering now is video. And I went all in, you know, I've created 13 online courses because in my primary field of Interest, sharing that personal development message was everything. So I learned how to share everything, and I went from, you know, kind of a busted first book to an 18 months, 4.6 million in Revenue. Wow. Because I learned how to sell. And I learned that sharing and selling a message was just as important because if you don't make the money, you can't sustain the message. I had the message, but I wasn't making any money. I was the poor, broke writer, dude. And I was like, so I shifted my primary field of interest, and I went, I gotta understand marketing. I gotta understand business. And what's going to be prolific in those, in what I'm doing now. and that's creating products to sell. Oh, I gotta create my products. Higher quality products. I showed you, like, my brochures and. Yeah, beautiful stuff. Just, like, super branding. You know, all my books, you know, I. I created. I did all the covers of all my books, and I obsessed about. I was like, the. The look and the feel and stuff I didn't care about before. And that changed everything. So what I tell people is, if you want to increase, don't just get more stuff done. get more of the right stuff done and really go in on it. I mean super obsessed about the quality and really focus, you know, it's that old saying, the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

Exactly. Yeah.

But you got, you very careful what your main thing is.

It's tough.

Because it, you know, and I especially more abundance, high performers really struggle because you have, I mean, 50 doors, opportunities, 50 doors and you want to take all of them. But you'd have to cut yourself up into 50 places. So you got to really identify what that means. The book helps people figure out what is that prolific, what's my primary field of interest really at this stage of my life? What's the prolific quality output I need to do here? And then it teaches them the habits during the day, like block time, like how to set intention and release tension, how to know when to quit on stuff, all that's in that book as well.

Powerful. So productivity, they know how to be productive on the right things.

Yeah, awesome. This one is surprising, the next habit is high performers develop influence more than those around them. It's not 'cause they're cool, it's not, I mean, look at me. I'm not getting ahead on my cool factor here. I just got these new Nikes. I walk in the store, I was like, what's your newest shoe? They're like, these ones. I'm like, I need that. And they're like, why? I'm like, 'cause Lou's has sneakers, man. I wear suits or, I'm either on stage in a suit or at my studio, kind of like, you know, kind of formal too. Sure, sure. I was like, man, I gotta get some sneaks. I said, Give me your newest sneaks. So I'm not getting ahead on the cool. I don't develop influence because I'm cool. It's not your personality that gives you influence. It's how you treat other people. And specifically, the way that people, high performers, gain influence is, is this way too much? I'm, I'm, you know, get it. How you develop other people. Here's how you develop influence. if you really want high level of influence, obviously you gotta do all the basics, treat people nice, be kind. And in the book, what I do is with each habit, I say, here's the basics, but then I go, here's what the needle mover practices are. The highest performing influencers, what they're doing, often they don't know they're doing it, by the way. The first thing they're doing is they're teaching people how to think. A lot of your show gained influence, I really believe, because you're really good at teaching people how to think. Thank you. You're shaping their mindset, but high performers are really doing it explicitly, and you do this too, where you say, Here's how to think about that, guys. Or high performing leaders tell their team, Here's how we should be thinking about ourselves. Here's how we should be thinking about the competition. Here's how we think about the future of the company. They're saying it. They're explicit more often. Here's how to think. I mean, what is it? The seventh most read book in the history of the world. is think and grow rich.

Crazy.

It became that way because he taught people how to think about money. We have to tell our audience how to think about things. The second thing they're doing is they're challenging people, and they're challenging the specific way. If you listen to great orators, great speaker, the pros, the one I know, I'm like, oh, this person studied speech before, is they challenge the audience in three ways. They challenge the audience's character. Then they challenge the audience's connections, their relationships. Then they challenge the audience's contributions, what they're giving. You hit all three of those, the audience is like, I have to listen to her. I have to listen to him. Because not only are they shaping how I should be thinking, because maybe I was thinking wrong, but now they're pushing me because, you know, it's just like a great coach. The greatest coaches, they're not just saying, Throw the ball better. They're like, Louis, you're a better man than that.

Come on, man.

They're saying, look, you're treating your team like crap. They're like, look, you're not contributing to the team here. That's a different challenge than just throw the ball faster or catch the thing. So I studied that from them, but those are the primary things. And the third thing, of course, is role modeling. I mean, if I'm the bring the joy guy or I'm the honor, the struggle guy or I'm the high performance guy and I'm off my game, people.

Are gonna know that.

Yeah.

So that's, I'm always trying to role model what I do, which is hard when you're talking about high performance, because everyone thinks, well, don't you have a bad day? I'm like, dude, I have bad moments. I wouldn't say bad days, because I don't want to go to bed and feel like the day was bad. But at the same time, I think that's why they're developing influence. And so much of this, when I talk about habits, I talk about them in a different way than other people. Most people talk about habits like, They just want the tricks to make it easy. This book is full of deliberate habits, meaning you have to consciously think about these and consciously will them consistently. I mean, this book I think will be kind of something people return to life over and over and over because it's not ever going to be... I didn't want to write an easy book. I wanted to write a book that said, this is the hard stuff, but if you do it, the payoff is there.

Yeah.

No, influence is one of the most powerful things and if you can't influence or enroll people in your vision, then it's gonna be hard to make the.

Vision come to life.

Yeah.

That's it. So there's certain elements of how to gain that influence and how to be a role model and be effective and.

Step up on all these different things.

You need to do. Yeah. To continue to be an enrolling machine in your vision.

Yes.

Yes.

Whether you're working on a team, it's your business, it's whatever it is, it doesn't matter, but you've got to be.

Supportive and enrolling to influence people.

Yeah.

So I firmly believe that. And for, I mean, we have a lot of friends who probably listening who do social media or they're in marketing positions or they're trying to grow their business or their brand. And I tell people, oh, I said, you want, you want to make this podcast powerful? Look at the last six months and ask yourself, how strategic have I been in telling my audience what to think? How strategic have I been in challenging my audience? How strategic have I been in role modeling? the actions, thoughts and feelings I want my people to feel. And if you've been surviving and growing without that strategy, you're friggin awesome and lucky. Now your next level of high performance is let's get more strategic. That's what's gonna change the game for a lot of people generating their influence. Because people are like, how do you have five million on Facebook? I'm like, I'm strategic about those things. It's a lot of how to think, a lot of challenge. I'm constantly beating those because I also want people to do that for me. It's why I listen to your podcast. You do that for me. I listen to somebody, I was complimenting you, your Sarah Blakely interview was just outstanding. And that inspired me to think many ways differently. And you know, I both dear friends with Tony Robbins. And Robbins made his entire career on challenging people. I mean, your first hour at his seminar, you've been challenged more than you've probably been challenged the last last decade of your life. And so, you know, be strategic about that. If your leaders in the room, stop placating your people. Like, leaders, especially today, they want to be so popular with their people. And I say, popular is good. And that will come from kindness and role modeling the way. But challenge your people more strategically. That's why I get to work with, you know, I work at the Fortune 50 CEO level as a high performance coach. Those guys, they don't mess around. When they write that check to me, it's a quarter million dollars. If I don't get the result, I mean, in two weeks with them, if I don't start shifting them, I'm screwed. One of the first things I do with them, by the way, is I come in, I open up their calendar, and we just start obliterating things on their calendar. Stuff that's not the main thing anymore. And I'm constantly challenging them to return their focus to what matters. I'm constantly challenging them to challenge their teams. I'm constantly challenging them to be more optimistic or powerful or present, whatever it takes for that person. I get paid because I challenge people more. That's it. So that's what led me to be a high performance coach. If I didn't. And by the way, that's not comfortable for me. I'm from Montana. Many of you guys listening who's been in my seminars, you meet my mom there. My mom's at my seminars. We are like the most laid-back like happy-go-lucky family you ever saw. Like my mom she's, you know, what is she?

70 this year?

Yeah, 70. And she's just, she's a spark plug. She's amazing. Yeah, she's amazing. So, but super, you know, like, my family would never challenge somebody. I, I didn't come from that. I had to learn that because if I didn't do that, I wouldn't have the influence.

I wouldn't achieve things.

I think we need those challenges for ourselves. We need a challenge. It's like, kind of like in a big game. You need a challenge to be able to see how, how great you can become.

Yes.

You need a competitor or you need something that you feel a little bit scared about or a little bit unsure about to see how you can rise up to that challenge. And if there is no challenge, we're never going to perform at the highest level. I think we've got to constantly challenge ourselves if we want to step into something new. Otherwise, we've developed a strength and a comfort zone of what we're comfortable with.

I looked at my quotes. I was like, have I written much about greatness? and I found this quote that said, the journey to greatness often begins the moment that challenge and contribution become more important than comfort and ease.

That's a good one.

Yeah.

It's really good. And so we have to challenge ourselves, but the habit here, the social habit, is develop influence. And you develop influence. Teach people how to think, role model away, and then make sure that you are challenging people in those three areas. Challenge their character. You got to do that delicately. The book teaches you how. make sure you challenge relationships because that's so important and challenge people's what they're giving. And if you do that strategically enough, you know, part of your message in, in, in greatness is challenging people to follow their dreams. You say it all the time. It's one reason I love your show. You're constantly challenging people to follow their dreams. And not just like, hey, follow your dreams. Like, hey, do this. I love that.

You know, I think it's one of the reasons that the show is so awesome. Thank you. Appreciate it.

Appreciate it. So that's the fifth one, right?

Yeah.

And the sixth and final, sixth and.

Final one demonstrate courage. And I think all personal development people, of course, you know, but they actually, high performers do demonstrate courage. Like we can measure it from peer feedback, we can measure it from their self assessments, we can measure it from, we have this thing called the high performance indicator assessment. You take it, you get scored on all six habits. It's free on the internet, on the internet webs. But this one's, peaked when we did the research and I didn't know it. And it is high performers are more willing to share their ideas, their thoughts, their feelings, what they need, what they want, and they do it more consistently than their peers. Even when there's risk or uncertainty, you do a great job. I know the book's coming out for you talking about men and being vulnerable. that's demonstrating courage. That's, you know, when you're not conditioned that way or you're not used to that, you know, that it might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Yeah. You know, when you talked about me doing this interview, that was like, it might not seem like demonstrating courage to go on Lewis Howes, but it is because I admire you. And I also, I'm not used to sharing a lot. You know, you just let the work speak for itself.

Yeah.

So I had to like, okay, I need to share, you know, being willing to share this in different and unique ways. But I think for most people, it's when you were in your last meeting, did you share for your ideas and fight for them?

Did you share for your ideas?

Did you share your ideas and fight for them? When you wanted to post that video and you were scared to death because people are going to make fun of you, did you do it? And when you wanted to tell your spouse that you're not getting what you need, Did you say it? Because all those are demonstrating courage. It's not just, you know, courage, we think, pulling someone out of the river or something. And that's part of it. And we talk about the different kinds of courage in the book. But the ones that matter the most, move the needle the most, is sharing for and fighting for ideas, but also that vulnerability of sharing your wants, needs. I mean, high performers really communicate what they want. And you've probably seen this in networking opportunities. You meet somebody and they're like, I'm trying to meet this person. I'm trying to get that done. And they're not pushy with it. They're just clear. They're like, this is what I'm trying to do. And this is what I want. This is what I need. The highest performing relationships in marriages, we correlated marriage and demonstrating courage, and they stay together longer. When you're willing to tell your spouse, I don't like that, and work it through. That's hard for people. It's scary to put yourself out there, follow your dream, or start a podcast, start the biz. That stuff is scary. Telling your boss something's wrong, high performers report being whistleblowers more than anybody else. Because it takes a lot of courage to go, My boss is doing something wrong. So we teach how do you get to that without all the hype? What do we know actually moves the needle in psychological courage, which has been actually measured a lot in academics.

I love it.

I don't think I've ever had a morning I looked forward to jumping in that water. ever, but I always do it because I've trained my brain. This is how we work. And if you train your brain to do that every single day, then it'll do it on the more difficult and important things in life.