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Freedom Vs. Commitment | Esther Perel

25 May 2024 · 1 min

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Esther Perel explains how every relationship balances freedom and commitment, with one partner typically craving connection while the other needs space. Both fears live in each person, but couples fall into roles that emphasize one side. These roles can shift over time, even seasonally, and both connection and distance are necessary for a relationship to work.

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Every relationship straddles freedom and commitment, togetherness and separateness, connection and independence. Every relationship. In every relationship there is often one person who is more inclined to the connection and one person who is more inclined for the separateness. One person more afraid of losing the other and one person more afraid of losing themselves. One person more in touch with the fear of abandonment, one person more in touch with the fear of suffocation. We all have both, but we organize our relationship in which one of us will take on the role of this duality. And it might evolve seasonally too. Completely. So we need connection and we need distance. We need the things that are joined and together, and we need the things that are separate.