Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

How Releasing Trauma Can Save Your Relationships

24 Feb 2025 · 1 min

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In this monologue, the speaker emphasizes the need to address and heal childhood stories and traumas that make us reactive during uncomfortable conversations. They explain that when a partner’s words trigger unresolved wounds, we often react defensively without the other person understanding why. The speaker advocates for recognizing these triggers in the moment and openly communicating them, using phrases like “I can tell I’m getting defensive” or “I can tell I’m getting sensitive.” This self‑disclosure helps both parties understand the emotional under‑current, creates space for empathy, and makes it easier to let go of old hurts. The overall message is that healing past trauma and practicing real‑time self‑awareness can transform how we engage in arguments and improve relational dynamics.

Chapters

It sounds like we almost need to learn how to heal the stories we were told or the traumas we were received growing up that cause us to be reactive in uncomfortable conversations as well. Yeah, I love, I mean, just letting it go, easier said than done. But what it happens in conversations. Oh, yeah. When those things happen versus when somebody said it or they did it, you hold on to it and you kind of put it behind your back. And so when somebody's communicating with you and they're saying something that is triggering what you have in your hand, you're reacting and they don't understand it. What you have to do is be able to show them what you got. It's hopeful when you can begin your sentence with I can tell. I can tell I'm getting defensive. I can tell I'm getting sensitive in argument, in real time. It's incredibly helpful.