Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

How to Show People You're Listening!

21 May 2025 · 1 min

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In this talk, the speaker explains that listeners are often judged by whether they appear to be formulating rebuttals rather than genuinely engaging. To convey true curiosity, the speaker recommends using specific non‑verbal cues and mentally playing a two‑part riddle while listening: (1) identify the speaker’s main point and (2) understand why that point matters to them, then consider how it could be improved. The speaker notes that skilled interviewers employ a similar internal game, not to agree with the interviewee but to crystallize the interviewee’s message, which creates an unmistakable sense of authentic curiosity.

Chapters

People can tell when you are listening and coming up with your rebuttal and your counter argument. So you have to listen in such a way that projects curiosity. And we know how to do that. You use specific non-verbals and you play this little game in your head. If I'm sitting across from someone and you're talking to me, the game I'm playing in my head is figure out this kind of two-part riddle. What's your point? Why do you care about it? And how do I improve upon it? If you watch great interviewers, You can see them playing a version of this game. They're trying to pull out the best interview they can. Doesn't necessarily mean that they agree with what the other person is saying or whatever. They're just trying to crystallize that message and that informs how they listen. And without fail, there's a sense of genuine curiosity there because it's genuinely there.