How to Stop Living Paycheck-to-Paycheck & Actually Unlock Abundance in Your Life!

When I was a young boy, I had many memories that created wounds within me that kind of shaped my belief. And I had a lot of insecurity and self-doubt growing up. And when I started to heal in that journey, I started to remember that I am whole, I am abundant, I am loved. New York Times bestselling author. His new book hits store shelves. It's called Make Money Easy. He really wants readers to adopt a more abundant mindset. Please welcome Lewis Howes. the memories that we have and the meaning we give those memories shape our beliefs. And the beliefs influence our behaviors. One thing is true. I will be champion one day. I promise. I promise. I was extremely financially broke still, but man, did I feel rich inside. I started to figure out money eventually. It took a few years, but something clicked inside of me where I was just willing to obsess over it. I was like, I'll do whatever it takes. My goal for you guys today is to really assess what is blocking you free and feeling abundance in your life. And I have realized that there are four different ways that you can live life around the idea of money. The first way is I'm excited to be here. I'm grateful for you guys. And I want to share a story with you. I want to share a story with you. And I'm curious if anyone can resonate with this story. When I was A young boy, I'm gonna make sure this slide is back there. Yeah, when I was a young boy, I had many memories that created wounds within me that kind of shaped my belief, that shaped my story about who I thought I was, where I thought I lacked worthiness, and I had a lot of insecurity and self-doubt growing up. Now, this is a photo probably around the time when I was seven or eight years old. And by this time, One of my first memories as a child, not to bring the energy too far down, but one of my first childhood memories was being sexually abused by a man that I did not know when I was five years old. And it implanted a wound within me that stuck with me for 25 years of my life until I started the School of Greatness and started going down this healing journey and really reflecting looking at my ego, allowing myself to heal and grow beyond the pains of the past. And that was one of my first memories. It created an implant, implanted into me this idea that I'm abusable, that I'm unworthy, that I'm not enough. And I don't know if anyone can relate to that feeling. I'm not talking about the abuse side of things, but just the feeling of feeling unlovable, unworthy, or not enough. I'm not sure if anyone can relate to that ever growing up. But you just didn't feel loved or worthy or none of that. Am I the only one putting my hand up? Just making sure. Am I the only one who's ever felt that way? Okay, checking if you guys are still with me. All right. That happened at 5:00 and around 8:00, my brother goes to prison for selling drugs to an undercover cop. And he went to prison for four and a half years. Coming from a small town in Ohio, this didn't really happen in the neighborhood. It was the first person that I ever heard of that went to prison that I knew in the neighborhood, right? It was a very challenging time, as you could imagine, for my parents. My parents felt a lot of shame, a lot of sadness, a lot of loss and grief. He was sentenced 6 to 25 years, and he was 19 years old. And so it was like this devastation. It was like he was one of the top classical violinists in the world growing up. He was a child prodigy, and then he got into some trouble at Ohio State. He was like just doing weed or whatever, selling a little weed to friends, and then someone got in an undercover situation and asked him, hey, can you get LSD? So he's like, no, I can't. But they kept pushing, and it happened to be an undercover cop trying to just figure out how to get people, I guess. And it was six to 25 years because it was the war against drugs back in the 90s. I don't know if anyone remembers that. And he got out in four and a half years, and he's gone on to have a beautiful life since then, but. The pain and the sadness that was in the energy within our home was evident every single day. My parents didn't have a lot of money anyways, but all the money they did have went to legal fees, went to trying to figure out how to navigate this whole world. Every weekend we would drive to a prison in Ohio and go visit my brother and sit in a room with other inmates and their families. And it was just a lot of sadness, right? So there were these memories that created wounds within me and really kind of started shaping my belief system. Growing up in a small town, if you have a brother that goes to prison, all the parents in the neighborhood wouldn't let their other kids hang out with me by association, right? So I wasn't allowed to really have any friends. I mean, my parents wanted me to have friends, but no one wanted to hang out with me through association. And so I had a lot of insecurity, a lot of self-doubt around that and just kind of asking myself, why is this happening? Do I even matter? Am I supposed to be here? Why am I alive? Just kind of all these questions that I had around this time. And there were these kids after school one day that said, hey, we're starting a club, a secret club. And in order to be in the club, you either have to pay money, or answer some questions. And at the time, I was like, I don't have any money, so what's the questions? They asked me them, I didn't know the answers. And so I felt insignificant. I felt not enough by not being smart enough to answer these questions. And so I go home to my mom and I say, Mom, I want to join this club. I want to have some friends, because I didn't have any friends. But I need $5 in order to join the club. and she looked at me a little sad because, probably because I didn't have any friends, but sad because she didn't have the money. And so she said, okay, let's play a game. I want you to go over to the couch. I want you to open up the cushions. I want you to see if you can find some loose change. We did that for a little bit. We went into her sock drawer and tried to find loose change everywhere. And she and I found enough change that was $5, which was the entry fee to this club. This was pre-SoHo house. this is the entry fee, $5. And I get a shoebox that she gives me and it's all the change in there. And I go back to this kid's house with the shoebox, like kind of proud that I got this $5. And I hand it to these two kids and the club was in the basement of the parents' house. So we go to the basement and then they're just kind of playing with their games by themselves for the next hour and I'm just sitting in the corner by myself. and I remember feeling very, like the lowest of low. I'm not smart enough to have friends. Through association with my brother, you know, going to prison, I'm not allowed to have friends. Paying for friends didn't work because they still didn't hang out with me. So I'm just a complete loser and what's the point of my life, right? It's just kind of like what the feeling, the energy that I had as a seven, eight year old, it just felt like hopeless. and my whole goal essentially of my teen years growing up was like how do I just fit in? How do I belong? How do I get friends? How do I learn about myself? How do I believe I'm worthy of this? How do I believe I'm worthy of receiving love? All these things kind of shaped my beliefs and it drove me to be the person that I was. until I was about 30 years old when I realized that wasn't working either. And my goal for you guys today is to really assess what is blocking you from feeling free and feeling abundant in your life. That's my intention and my goal for you today to figure out what is blocking you from feeling free and abundant in your life. And for many years, I was driven to receive, to get, to accomplish in order to feel worthy. And no matter how much success I accomplished, I still didn't feel worthy. I still didn't feel lovable. I still didn't feel enough. And I've realized that there are four different ways that you can live life around the idea of money. The first way is to be broke and live with scarcity. and this is the bottom of the bottom. No one wants to live like this. Let me give an example. When I was 24, I was pursuing my dream of playing professional football, and I went to play arena football. I got injured, and then I had to go live on my sister's couch. This was in 2000, end of 2007 through 2009. I was living on my sister's couch. And in the beginning of that first kind of year and a half, I was broke financially. I had no money. I had about 24 grand in college debt, living on three credit cards, no money, financially broke and living with scarcity inside of me. So I was emotionally defeated, I was a victim, I was frustrated, I was angry, I was resentful, I was scared, and I was scarce emotionally, spiritually, mentally. And I was living from that place of financial brokenness and also emotional brokenness. and those two things are not a good place to be in. Then something started to shift. I started to get out of this victim mentality. I said, okay, I've got to figure out something with my life. I started reaching out to mentors. I started learning about things in online marketing. I started reading books. I started developing certain skill sets and overcoming certain fears. One of the fears was learning how to speak on stage. I had no clue how to do it, and I terrified to get in front of a room of a few people and speak because when I was in school, in eighth grade, I got tested at a second grade reading level. So again, I was just in confirmation, confirmation that I was not good enough and not smart enough through school. And I struggled. I was in special education all the way through graduating high school. And so that was a fear of mine, the humiliation, the embarrassment of standing in front of a room and someone not liking me or judging me or laughing at me or whatever. and I started overcoming that fear by going all in on learning how to do public speaking, by going to Toastmasters every single week. All right, clap it up. So you guys know what Toastmasters is. Every single week for a year, I started going to Toastmasters and I started to develop more belief in myself through the consistency, through the coaching and the accountability process that I had. Another fear was literally reading and writing. because my senior year in high school, my teacher was like, you,'re failing English halfway through. And she goes, Just to let you know, Louis, if you flunk out of English senior year of high school, you can't go to college. And for me, I was just like mind blown that I had to pass in order to go to college. That's supposed to be a joke, I guess, but they didn't land here. And she was like, no, if you get a F in English, you have to retake senior year, and I go, okay, this can't happen. I need to go and pursue my dream and play college football. And she worked with me every day after class to help me do basic vocabulary. So reading and writing was another huge fear of mine, fear of embarrassment. And I found a mentor who was a writer of books, and he coached me on how to write more effectively. And I started practicing weekly with blogs and content online. And that practice over that next kind of year gave me more confidence, right? And the third thing, believe it or not, all the Latinos will love this, was I was terrified of salsa dancing. You laugh, but it's true. Imagine a tall gringo like me, 6'4, going into a salsa club and it's like, ah, what am I doing here? I don't understand the language, I don't understand the music, I don't understand the culture, I don't understand how beautiful these women are, all these things. were intimidating to me. And funny enough, there was a period of time where I lived above a jazz club, because my brother was a jazz musician, is a jazz musician, and got me a little apartment to live above a jazz club. And every week there would be a salsa band that would come and play. And I would go downstairs, because I'd hear this music, and I'd go downstairs, and I was just mesmerized. by what I was watching on the dance floor. So every week for three months, I would go and just sit in the corner like that creepy guy just watching all these amazing dancers. And I would just sit there so intimidated, but the music just like made my heart sing, made me feel alive. And I was just like, man, wouldn't it be amazing if one day I could just do just a little bit of what they're doing? And women would always try to invite me to come out on the dance floor. And I was just like, no, I don't want to make you look bad. It was like the fear of humiliation was strong for me in so many areas of life. But eventually, I went out on the dance floor. This one woman just dragged me out there, and I was dancing with her, just like, so intimidated and so worried about being in the middle of this dance floor. And I was stepping on her feet, and I was bumping into people, and I was just like, man, I am, like, sweating. I was just like, this is not good. And after, like, a minute, she's like, Louis, she hits my chin. She goes, Louis, look at me. She goes, Look around. No one is looking at you. No one cares that you're a tall gringo bumping into people. Maybe they did for the first 30 seconds, but then they got over it and they went back to dancing and having fun. No one cares. Just enjoy the music, have fun. You don't have to look perfect. And I went through this obsession for the next few years of going salsa dancing three, four, five nights a week. and going all in on this fear. Until the point where now I could go anywhere in the world, any country or any language is, I can go into a salsa club, I can find the best dancer in a second. I need a dancer to do that. I need like someone who can actually dance to do that. So I started going around the world and salsa dancing as a challenge to myself, as a way to like say, okay, I need to put myself through this fear over and over again in order to really embrace this level of belief in myself. And so the whole point of this second way of living is I was extremely financially broke still. I still had no money. But man, did I feel rich inside. I felt like I was meeting people, like opportunities were coming to me. I was dancing, I was creating content, I was speaking and building this belief inside of myself and it just felt like I am living a rich, abundant life even though I really don't have any money. I don't know if anyone can relate to that, having no money but feeling rich inside. Okay? Hopefully that's not right now, we're broke but feeling rich. Hopefully you're Doing okay. And then I started to go into the third phase after that. I started to figure out money eventually. It took a few years, but something clicked inside of me after having mentors kind of teach me and coaching me where I was just willing to obsess over it. I was like, I'll do whatever it takes. I finally started making money. And then in a sense, it was just like, I went all in and obsessed about how can I make more? How can I get off my sister's couch? How can I save more? And it just became an obsession for a couple of years to the point where I had millions of dollars in the bank, but I felt emotionally broke and scarce inside because I was afraid to go back to the couch. So I was taking Greyhound buses around the country when I had a million dollars in the bank. I do not. I was taking, like, you know, Southwest, Middle Seat, three connections, anywhere I could. When I was like, I've got money, but I was afraid to spend it. And I would just be exhausted. I would stay on friends' couches for years anywhere I traveled because I didn't want to pay on a hotel room. I had this, you know, I learned how to make money, but I didn't remember how to feel abundant and rich with the money. And so it was almost as bad as being a number one, broke with scarcity. And here's why it's almost as bad. and I don't know if anyone here can relate to this. I'm sure a few people will. The idea of having money in the bank, say I have six months of expenses, a year of expenses, a few years of savings, whatever it is. But feeling insecure, feeling like my relationships are broken, feeling like my health is out of whack. For me, that's not an abundant life. Having money, but feeling broken side. And It almost breaks your mind even more because when you're broke and you have nothing, you think, when I have money, I'll feel better. But when I had money, I was like, why are all my relationships failing? Why am I getting in fights? Why am I still angry? Why am I resentful? Why am I holding on to grudges? Why am I starting to get sick? All these different things started to show up. And I was like, but I'm making money. I should be happy, right? But I lost that abundance energy because as the scale started to improve in the financial success category, I started to see the insecurity come inside of me. Now, how do I manage this money? How do I navigate this money? Am I really deserving of this money? I can't spend it on myself for comfort, can I? No, because what if I go broke again? So I have to make sure I save enough. And if I give it to someone else and if they don't respond in a certain way, then I feel taken advantage of and abused again like I was when I was a child. So all these things were coming up in my nervous system that made me confused around money, and I was just like, I just have to make more, and then I'll feel more secure. I don't know if anyone can relate to that at all in any area where you had money but you didn't feel abundant. Few people, okay? All the broke people were like, Teach me how to make money. I don't care. You know, I'll take that money instead of being broke all day long. Give me that third way, you know, I'll take it. But I'm telling you, I'm gonna tell you a story right now. A few years ago, I was living in an apartment building in Los Angeles. Before I met Martha, I was living in an apartment building. And here's another thing. I didn't, I was living in a two-bedroom apartment until I was 40 years old. And I was happy with it. I didn't need a lot of space, but I also wasn't willing to invest in creating a sanctuary for myself to expand emotionally, if that makes sense. So I had a lot of learning. But I was living in an apartment building four and a half, five years ago. And I was on a road trip, and I came back one day, and there was a white tent in the valet. There was a white tent. And the valet attendant was taking my car, and I kind of just made this kind of quick joke, which wasn't a joke after all. And I said, Someone didn't jump, did they? and he looked at me and said, yeah, it just happened like 30 minutes ago. And I go, this is the most expensive apartment building, even though it was only a two-bedroom, it was an expensive building. And billionaires would live there, famous actors lived there. It was the building to be in LA. And I go, this doesn't make sense that someone would jump from this building. I see these people every day in the common space. There's a nice gym there, I see people, and it's like, wealthy individuals. And I was like, why would someone jump? I don't want to assume I understand this whole person's life, but the person was worth a half a billion dollars and was a very well-known person in Los Angeles, in the entertainment world. But it was the day after Father's Day. And as I learned more about the situation, he didn't have a relationship with his son, who was a teenage son. He wasn't married. and there were other things that came out about his life. And again, I don't know what he was thinking or how he was feeling, but I can only imagine that he wasn't living an abundant life inside. And all the money in the world and all the accolades that this person had didn't make him feel worthy of staying alive for whatever reason. And for me, it's scary and sad to see When you think you have it all, but you have nothing, that's why number three is kind of a scary place to be in. And you see this where people get into addictions and alcohol and drugs when they have a lot of money. It's like trying to escape from not feeling good enough still, so you have more to play with, which can be scary. And the fourth way to live, I think, is what we're all trying to get to, which is how can we create financial independence, financial freedom, whatever that looks like for you. and have a rich abundant life. And that's what I want us to be exploring, to be unpacking this evening. And it's what we go through in the book as well, making money easy about creating that richness of life inside of you so that you can have the health, the relationships, the purpose, the vision, the career, whatever it is you're working on and feel abundant, feel peaceful. feel whole, feel like you're home. And I left home at 13 because I didn't feel safe in my home. I literally left home and went to a private boarding school, begged my parents to send me away. They did not want to send me away. But I didn't feel safe in the environment with them because they didn't love each other. They yelled at each other a lot, silent treatment a lot. I was never afraid for my life. but it never felt safe emotionally being home. And I don't know if any of you can relate to that growing up, the feeling of it doesn't feel safe because mom and dad don't feel safe. Even though I know they loved me, they didn't love each other. So we didn't have a richness there. They did their best with the tools they had. I'm not, I don't hold a grudge. I love my parents, but I ran away because I didn't feel safe. at home. And it took me another 20 years until I started to learn how to be a safe home inside of me. And I know we're in New York, so hopefully it isn't too woo-woo-y to say this stuff, because I know. I know Gabby Bernstein comes here and other people come here, so hopefully. Hopefully you guys can resonate with this a little bit, and it's resonating in some way. But the memories that we have and the meaning we give those memories shape our beliefs. You guys know this. How many of you have listened to the School of Greatness podcast before? Just show of hands. Okay. So you guys know this. I'm not saying anything new. You guys have heard all this before. Just question. How many of you have met, how many of you brought some, like, how many of you brought a friend who doesn't know who I am, just so I'm aware? Okay, a few people. A lot of hands up, I like it. You guys got good friends. You got good friends. Your wife? Yeah, it's always a guy that's like, ah, I got dragged by my wife. I was in Austin last night and this guy came up afterwards in the meet and greet area. He's like, gosh, I hated you at first 'cause my wife was just always smiling when she listened to you. And I was like, my bad, man. I swear to God, I'm just trying to help people. And he was like, ah, but then I hated it, 'cause I started liking what you were saying. And I was like, sorry, man. So hopefully, whoever his wife brought you out here, hopefully you appreciate it, and it's been good for you. But thanks to everyone who brought someone who has no clue who I am. I appreciate you coming out here. And hopefully this isn't too weird for you, and you appreciate the person who brought you here. But our memories, plus the meaning we give those memories create a belief inside of us. You guys, again, most of you, the people who have listened, not the friends who are here, but everyone else, you've heard me say that a lot on the podcast. You've heard the guests I've had on talk about that. These memories and the meaning shape the beliefs. And the beliefs influence our behaviors. If I don't believe I'm capable of doing something, I'm probably not going to act in accordance of this competence. right? If I don't have that belief inside of me, I'm probably not going to behave and act and consistently show up to go generate and manifest and create whatever I'm thinking and imagining in my life of the life that I want. And so when I had a lack of belief in myself, my behavior reflected that. And when I had a lack of emotional regulation, my behavior reflected that. and when I was able to learn how to make money from a wounded place, it only expanded my frustration, my resentment, my angers in life. Because the money revealed more of who I was and really the wounded part of my nervous system, who that was and what that was, what that was feeling. And when I started to heal in that journey, I started to remember that I am whole. I am abundant. I am love. And the more I receive, the more loved I can be. And the more I can contain that wealth, abundance, birthday song, whatever it is, any generosity, I can receive it and be grateful. I don't have to reject or be against something. Be careful what you talk about because you bring it into fruition. I don't know if that resonates with anyone. I don't know if anyone can relate to the idea of, I'll wrap it up. I don't know if anyone can relate to the idea of something bad happening and you remembering, oh, I really thought of myself in not a positive way. I spoke about this in certain ways. Maybe I joked about it. Sinbad used to tell that joke all the time. God, I'm going on tour nonstop and I'm gonna give myself a stroke one day just by coming out here, I'm constantly working so hard. I work like a dog. I don't get any days off. I'm working so hard, I'm going to give myself a stroke. It might be a joke, but his body started to believe it. His nervous system felt it, and his behaviors matched the belief, and he brought it into fruition. He said it himself. And where the athletes that were there, and I'm not saying they're like perfect human beings and they don't have some wounds, but their belief system matched their behaviors. and it was a positive belief system which allowed them the opportunity to create something magical in the external world. And it doesn't matter if you create that in the external world as well, you could still be living a scarce life internally and not feel you're deserving and worthy of the success. And there's an amazing documentary called the Weight of Gold, and it's about Olympic gold medalists who go through extreme depression, or even commit suicide after they win the gold medal because they were driven out of a wound to achieve and then weren't ready to handle the emotional weight of the success. And a lot of people want success but we're not prepared emotionally to be the container of all the emotions that come our way. That happens with money as well. When I was broke, no one called me and asked for money. No one said, Louis, can you bum me 20 bucks? Because I knew I didn't have it. I started making money, people started knowing who I am, people see, oh, you're on this show or this thing, and oh, people were calling me from 10, 15 years back in like middle school saying, Hey, can you invest in me? Can you do this? And when you have a wound of abuse abandonment, it feels like you're getting taken advantage of. Like, oh, now you call me after 10 years? Now you want something from me. And when you also are a big giver and people pleaser and you wanna please everyone 'cause you want people to like you, any people pleasers or recovering people pleasers here? When you just wanna give and give and give and be generous but have zero boundaries in life, speaking from all my past relationships, it feel, you feel resentful. I don't know if anyone can relate to that. You feel resentful, you feel frustrated, you feel like, oh, these people people aren't understanding me, no one's appreciating me. I don't know if anyone can relate to that. It doesn't have to be around money also. And these beliefs can shape us into acting in a certain way. And it's interesting, how do we know what our belief is? There's an amazing author that I loved, his name is Wayne Dyer. I don't know if anyone followed Wayne Dyer. I never got to meet Wayne. I never got to see him speak, but I listened to his audiobooks a lot and I love his content. I was a big fan of the Power of Intention, one of his books. But he used to give this speech and I saw it in a video one time, so I'm just going to share quickly what he said. There's a photo of an orange up here. And let's see if anyone can get this. When you have an orange and you squeeze it, what comes out of the orange? Anyone? Orange juice, right? Does apple juice come out of it? Grape juice? Lemon juice? It's orange juice, right? And he would say, it's orange juice because that's what's inside of the orange. And what's inside of you? What's inside of all of us? When someone cuts you off in the street, when someone takes advantage of you, when someone is ungrateful for your generosity, Whatever, someone cheats on you, lies to you, whatever it might be, what comes out of you is whatever is inside of you. Do you have anger, resentment, frustration, jealousy, or do you have love, peace, harmony? Do you have a rainforest inside of you that's flourishing with abundance, or is there a desert of emotions inside of you? What's inside of you? For a long time, inside of me, I had a little bit of both. I had joy and passion and excitement, but I had these deep wounds of resentment, anger, frustration, and I had a lot of shame. You know, I'm not here to have anyone raise their hand for this question or this statement, but, you know, I opened up about being sexually abused 12, 13 years ago. and when I started doing the research on sexual abuse, it's one in four in women who are sexually abused and one in six in men. And so no one needs to raise their hand here if you've experienced that, but a fraction of this room has experienced that. And when you have been violated sexually by someone you know, a stranger, anyone, they take your innocence. And I had a lot of shame associated with that, especially being a man in sports. I didn't see any men talking about going through sexual abuse growing up. I didn't have any role models. No one was on TV saying this happened to me. So I thought I was the only one in the world. I literally thought no other boy had been sexually abused because I didn't hear about it. And so it was terrifying to really kind of open up and process that. And I didn't tell anyone for 25 years. And there's people in this room I know who have not told a soul what's happened to them. big or small. And you don't need to tell anyone. I'm not telling you what to do here. But what I can tell you is that there is incredible peace and freedom on the other side when you allow yourself to heal and when you remember you are fully loved. So I want to remind you of that.

Our friends are making fun of me. So what I just did is I made these external factors, the deciding factors of whether I do something or not. And then, you know, and we've all been there where we listen to other people, myself included, and then we are pissed.