Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

How to stop walking on eggshells

18 Jun 2026 · 1 min

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In this conversational segment, Lewis Howes and a guest discuss how growing up in a high‑alert, unpredictable or critical household teaches children to prioritize others' comfort over their own needs. This "walking on eggshells" creates a safety mechanism that becomes hard‑wired into the nervous system, leading adults to habitually say yes, suppress needs, or act resentfully to maintain perceived safety. The speakers explain that these patterns cannot be erased instantly; they require a deliberate unlearning and new‑learning healing practice that acknowledges the frozen trauma response and gradually rewires the nervous system.

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if you grew up in a home where you are on high alert a lot of the time. Yes. If you were walking on eggshells with your caregivers, if your caregivers were very unpredictable or critical, we actually learn it's unsafe for me to say no. Oh, no, you can't. I'm not allowed to have needs. I have to make sure everyone else is happy and it doesn't matter if I'm not happy. And so that's just a, that's a safety mechanism that's learned so young. And is then carried into adulthood. Why? Because it worked. It gave us safety.
And it's embedded in your nervous system. Yes, it is. You can't just like break your nervous system like overnight. You have to go through an unlearning and a new learning healing journey, right?
Such a practice.
It's a practice.
Such a practice. 'Cause that younger version that learned, I need to, people need to like me for me to be safe. Yes. That part is still in you, frozen in time. That's trauma. That's what happens during trauma. And so when some scenario in adulthood is reminding you of those early instances, that part comes out and is like, I know what to do here. I will change how— what I'm saying. I will say yes even though I want to say no. I will say no, no, no worries if not, even though I'm really resentful. So it's very safety-seeking and understandable.