If You STRUGGLE With Stress & Anxiety WATCH THIS! | Jay Glazer

When you don't have any self worth or you don't have these roommates in your head, tell you what a bad person you are all the time, it forced me to. Instead of just lay in bed and say, I'm cashing on my chips, it's got me to do.

I think you gotta have a dream.

The school of greatness.

Really?

Yeah.

Please welcome Lewis Howis.

You've had an amazing story and your whole book Unbreakable is about how you turn depression anxiety into really motivation that you can accomplish things without feeling overwhelmed and stressed. But you just told me before we started that you've had a panic attack since 2005 until now. Every week. Every week, Every week. How did you. Now, when I grew up, and I'm assuming when you grew up. I grew up in the Midwest, I was never able to talk about my feelings.

Right.

It was just like, suck it up.

You grew up in the Midwest, I grew up in Jersey for you. But I was.

Yeah, we went a lot of talk about, you know, how I felt playing football, playing baseball, playing whatever. It was just like, suck it up, keep going.

Yeah.

When did you feel like it was okay to talk about feeling of anxiety, stress, mental health? When was this, like a conversation you could have without being made fun of, laughed at, picked on, bullied, told you're a wussy or whatever it is?

No, look, for me. And you talked about the motivation part, right? I have depression, anxiety, add, elemental P, whatever. I got everything. But, you know, we talk about mental health. But who describes it like, God bless blessed me with the ability to communicate and I want to let be a service and, and give words. I was never, I was never. I don't want to say this. I was never ashamed because there's been shame. Like I've been embarrassed to tell certain people and not others. But I also don't make up the rules of depression, anxiety. Right. It's not. My best friend's Michael Stray. And I didn't really tell him until three months ago that I couldn't go out to dinner one night because I had a really bad attack. It just got me. And he said, you want me to come over and talk? I said, no, we just get on the phone. No. He said, why have you never told me? I said, man, I don't know. Like, I just. With you, I felt embarrassed.

I don't know really. But yet other people you didn't feel.

When I'm at Fox and the sky's falling, Howie Long will say, hey, hey, hey. So the sky's not falling. Yes, it is. And so I talked to him about it. And so. Right. I don't know. I have no idea why.

Right.

So why I came out and started talking about it because I know I could help people, give them words.

Yeah.

And, you know, my own misery, my own darkness. Like the Rock wrote the forward. Yep. And he said, man, you're going to be a voice to get to the gray for a lot of us. Us, him included. Which is pretty wild. Right.

So what does the gray mean to you?

The gray is that depression, anxiety. So I'll tell you this. I wake up every single morning and it hurts and it sucked. Look, I get choked up talking about it because I. You know, when I talk about it, sometimes I feel bad for this guy. Like, I don't know what it's like to wake up in the blue and, like, you have a man. Your life is great, and my life is great. Like, I'm sitting here doing a podcast with you. It's pretty awesome.

You got great friends, you got a good business, you're on tv.

People go, what do you have to be depressed about? My life is great, but in between my ears sucks. And it's just the only way I've ever. It's my earliest childhood memory.

Has it always sucked?

It's always sucked. Really? Always. Earliest childhood memory. And, man, I was always in trouble because I was acting out. But again, the motivation part, when you have. When you live in this gray, you have no idea how to love yourself up for the inside out. I don't feel worthy of being loved from the inside out.

Still today.

Oh, my God. It's.

On a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being you love yourself.

0.

A lot.

A negative. 0. A negative. Even today, man, it's awful.

Why is that? Why do you think that is?

It's what it tells me. I kind of call it. I wrestle with my abuser.

Who's the abuser?

The depression, the anxiety. Those roommates in my head that tell me these things that aren't true. And like I said, I know it's logically it's not true. I know that. And I've had to build up this Persona on TV all these years to hide it. So my friends all say, glaze was crazy and that's a badge of honor and football and fighting in those worlds. But they never knew how much pain I was in. And until now. And then I first talked about it a few years ago. And I have a charity that I work with, veterans mvp. So I talk about openly to them. And we're veterans and ex athletes. Right. We merge them together. MVP merging vets and players. And I see how much connects with them. And one day I was just. I did an article somewhere where I was being this vulnerable, how I am in the huddle with them, with the rest of the world. And the reaction was like, oh my God, you too. You have depression, anxiety. I'm like, yeah, like I'm. I've never had the crazy, if you will. And I just saw how the reaction. So I was like, I could really be of service to people. Wow. And that's where I wanted to be. And I say the motivation part because again, when you don't, it. When you don't have any self worth or you don't have these roommates in your head tell you what a bad person you are all the time, it forced me to. Instead of just lay in bed and say, I'm catching my chips. It's got me to do all this great stuff. So I can get some love from the outside in.

Right, but how do you get the love from the inside?

I'm working on it.

In.

I'm working. And that as I start doing things like this, I hear the effect I have on people. And there are days that then I feel it. I. I think, I feel. I cry a lot now of. And I think it's pride of, of being able to help people. And yeah, like, man, the number of people that have reached out. And again, in the book, I really describe what it's like to have depression, anxiety, what it's like to have these mental health issues. A lot of this. A lot of this self worth or like I wake up every morning feeling that the sky is falling. Every single day of my life. I wake up, sky's falling, the universe hates me, world's against me, and I've got to get myself out of that gray. I've got to work myself out of it every single morning. And there's different things I do. And I see therapists. I've tried a lot of meds.

How long have you been seeing therapists for?

Since I was about 4, really. My parents took me to the psychiatrist. Like I was a crazy one. Like, sure, come on, gang. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's a consistent thing you do as therapy support. Because I found therapy extremely helpful for me because I felt like I was in a lower number of the spectrum for many years of lacking self worth, which I think a lot of people probably feel that growing up in a challenging situation and it's been extremely helpful for Me to heal that inner child or that little grieving, that little Lewis or the, you know, the psychology part of myself.

A little Jason, which. That's my real name.

Yeah, exactly. You're big now. You mean you're big.

I built that up. Of course I built up warrior.

It's a defense mechanism.

Defense mechanism. When really the warrior side is not the strength of me. The vulnerability is the strength of.

That's where you make the biggest impact.

There you go.

Just like with this book and sharing vulnerably, you're able to touch more lives than being like bigger and stronger and tougher.

Yeah. There's only so much I could make people laugh on TV or, you know, give them inside information. Right. And it. It's definitely is a distraction from. That's where we are. We're escapism on tv. But to really do something like this. I was saying I was. I'm getting people now. I'm getting grandmothers reaching out, saying thank you. For the first. First time in 80 years, I have the words to tell my. To tell my husband and kids and grandkids what I've been going through. Wow. Or girl dads saying. And now boy dads do. Like, a lot of them saying, well, I don't have it. And I'm like, yeah, probably do. But I didn't know how to connect with my child, and now I do. And the book is filled with expletives and F bombs this thing. Because that's because there's nothing pretty about what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

And so if you don't like curse words and man overlook it or. That's my. That's. That's who I am. I just want to be authentic. Of course. And that's how I talk. But I have a lot of them saying I didn't know how to connect with my son or daughter. And now I do got the books to read together or to just say, okay, now I know what they're going through. So when they wake up in the morning again. I wake up in the morning every day of my life in the gray. It's never blue. And I've got to make that decision to get myself out of bed. And once I make that decision, I decide I'm going to be relentless in everything I do. Like, I'm just not gonna let this thing win. But it's a. It affects me physically, too. Like, it's.

When it does it feel like a weight.

It feels like a chain. Yeah. So it's both. So it feels like these. My I wrote in the book, like it was almost like these heavy chains are pulling my soul down. Oh. And it's, it's heavy, it's hurts and. But when I'm having really bad days, like this past weekend, Saturday night, I woke up 3 o' clock in the morning. And it normally doesn't wake me up in the middle of night, but man, the beast got out of the box and kicked my butt. And when that happens, I feel it behind my rib cage. Feels like I'm having a heart attack. The left side of my gut. It's like, man, I get a gut punch for you. Oh, man.

Yeah.

And my joints ache like I just got out of a fight. A fight in the rain, like, like a 50 round boxing match. So it, there's a physical visceral reaction for me. I've got to. And that's why I wrote the book too. To give people ways to get out, at least the ways I've used to get out of it. And I got to do it every single day of my life.

So what have been the strategies to get out of therapy?

Working out the three temples I put in here. Yeah. One have a team.

Of course.

Don't do it alone. No, absolutely. But we have teams all around us. We may not realize it. So I've always like, you played football, right? That's a team. This crew right here is a team for you. My dog is a team with me.

Right.

God's a team with me. That one up there, you know, Exactly. There's. I have a little group. So Fox, Animal, Sunday is a crew, right? My Unbreakable Crew. Unbreakable Crew. My gym crew. Those are my team. And like this weekend when I was struggling, called it. I called a teammate to come over. I called other teammates to let him know, man, today's just, it's a bad day.

Just to check in on you, make sure he's good.

And I called Dwayne. Yeah, I literally, like, he's my battle buddy on this. Yeah, call them, dude. Today's one of them freaking great. It today hurts. And he stepped away from filming his 90 shows and. Right, right. Hey, make sure he was there because I'm there for him. And that's what teammates do. It's not a, it's. It's give, give. Right. It's loyalty. I. I've gotten to where I am too, at a loyalty. So it's this loyalty factor. Loyalty is a dying art. Right. To rare, rare art now. And more need to do that, I think. So I have these teams. Yes. One number two is being of service.

That's huge, man. That's why I'm Emma. Right.

Well, as I was for everybody that I called this weekend to tell them I need help and man, I'm struggling. I called the same number of people just to see how they were doing. Right.

The same day or me and same day. Oh, yeah.

So if I called four people say I'm struggling.

I called another four say, hey, checking.

In on you, checking in on you.

How you doing? Yeah.

Being of service.

Because what happens when you're of service in that depressed, anxious, stressful state? Does it feel like it helps you get out of the kid?

Yeah. So I hunt the blue.

Not focused on you to focus on others.

And it's being of service. And I in the book, I give several ways that I've always. Look my first 11 years of my career, I was making 9, 700 bucks a year living in New York City.

Is it the TV with TV or what?

Yeah. When I was still, when I was working in New York on TV for 450 bucks a year. Oh man. And I finally got a job at the New York Post for a whopping nine grand a year trying to outwork the world, working 100 hour weeks trying to be this reporter. So I couldn't get like side jobs to help. Right. So I had no. My electricity got turned off all the time, you know, he. All that all the time get turned off. I just grinded for all those years, you know. But even then I figured out ways to be of service to whether it was just stop and talking to a homeless person. I still to this day will go to the little 99 cent store with my son and go get toothbrush, toothpaste, handy wipes, band aids, band aids, socks. So pad and pen gloves, eight bucks. And I put them in a bag and I hand them out to homeless. Yeah. So you don't have to be loaded to go be of service.

Yeah.

But also just calling somebody, saying, just checking up on you. Amen. Just telling you I love you. Yeah. You know, we're. That's being of service and it's, it's, it's hard for the roommates in your head to tell you how bad you are when you are lifting somebody else up.

Absolutely. So that's huge. I'm so glad that's a strategy for what's number three and by the way.

Therapist are part of the team also. Absolutely. Yeah. And the third one is, is laughter.

That's what you do really?

Well, I laugh a lot. I try and the gray hates laughter. And I do see blue when I'm laughing. But I'll tell you this, that most don't know. And nobody knew until I wrote this. Nobody knew again. I've had a panic attack started in 2005. I was an empty Raider Stadium doing a hit for FOX Level Sunday. And it's weird for me to have had one because I'm like, I suck in calm, but I'm really, really good in chaos. Yeah. So chaos of tv for me, it's.

I feel you're in the zone there. Yeah.

Great. So I don't know why it happened, but it was 2005, it was peaceful.

No one was there.

Nobody in the stadium but me.

And it stressed you out? It stressed you out?

I don't know. But I. But I've been on TV since 93.

Right.

So I don't know why 12 years in, it suddenly happened. Wow. But when I have a anxiety panic attack, balls cave in.

Wow.

I start going like this. My hands are shaking. I start sweating. I feel like I'm having a heart attack. Hard to breathe for. And I've had it. It became habitual, so it's now between my ears. So every single time I had a little mini one when we sat down here before, and it just became, like, habitual, but they're not dangerous. But for 10 years, I didn't know that I was getting my heart checked out. We didn't talk about panic attacks from 2005 to 2015. Whatever. Like, no one knew who it was. That's why I'm trying to give these words for somebody to go, oh, that's what I have. Okay, so you're not alone. It's. You're. A lot of us have them, and it may not be every week. And everybody out there also, like, I'm clinical depression, anxiety. But we all have something now. It's a harder world these days. Social media makes it harder. We just came through a pandemic. We had to isolate. Worst thing we could ever do. Right? Right.

Especially depressed.

Especially. But we're all going to have something now. Especially because we compare ourselves to everybody else's filtered. Filtered fraction of one second of one day. Right. And we think. And we feel left out. And we think, man, I'm not successful. Look what this person's doing. Look at that person. It's not real. Or the bullying and hate we see on Twitter. The human condition is not made to see so much a thousand times a second. Just not meant to. Something's got to give.

Right.

So now I'M trying to lead us all through, to start giving together and be kindred each other. But the laughter part, when you see me forcing a joke. First segment of Fox, because I'm having a really bad one. Really.

And that's why you tell the. That's why you tell the joke.

So if you see it like, well, that didn't fit. I'm trying to get myself out of.

A panic attack, trying to get back in the zone and focused and present.

So. Yeah, because I'm. Man, it's. When I'm having this panic and anxiety attack, it's. Yeah, you're. It's. Man, it's weird. It's like I'm not there again. I'm having all this physical stuff, but it's like I'm over there or some. It's just I'm not. I don't. It's. I'm not there. I am. I'm somewhere else deep behind my eyes, somewhere else. So the quicker I can make you laugh or me laugh, I get out of it. And it usually lasts two or three minutes, right? Maybe five.

And then it moves on. Yeah.

For the most part. I've had ones at Super Bowl a couple of years ago, last an hour and a half. I have no memory of the first hour of our show.

Oh, my gosh.

How much does that suck?

Sucks.

Biggest show of my life, 100th anniversary of the NFL. Oh, and. And none of the guys knew I was experiencing this until this. And stray and said, why don't you tell us? I said, because I don't want to bring bring down your day on live tv, you know, now if I have one when we're off the air, I'll say, hey, oh, it's coming on. Who? And, you know, I'll tell. I usually lean on Howie and Kurt Menafee a lot for that. Or, yeah, I'll be open about it now. So I just won't suffer in silence anymore.

What's the. I mean, 2005 was the first time you started really having them. Right. What do you think was the. The shift from not having them to having them in 20?

No idea. And that's the thing. It's like, not only that, it's not like I had a great story that day. I remember it's d' Angelo hall and Terrell Owens got in a fight on the field. They had some others and they didn't talk to many but me. So I'm like, hey, I got this great exclusive. So I had great stuff. Nobody was in there. It was actually really peaceful. I have no idea why my abuser decided to step up that day. I got no idea why I decided to step up the morning of the super bowl, right before we're about to redo the Immaculate Reception with Terry Bradshaw and Franco Harris. Like, are you kidding me, man?

Right, right.

Little Jason's dream of dreams. I don't have any memory of it. It wasn't until I got in the car with Jimmy Johnson and Kurt Menefee, we started busting chops and laughing where.

I got through it after the fact. Yeah, yeah.

We were going to the next site. Yeah, we, you know, we had a three or four hour pregame show, whatever it was. Yeah, yeah, man.

I mean, you've worked with thousands, by.

The way, that day. I just got to tell you this.

Yeah.

Because the laughter part Again, it's the 100th anniversary in the NFL, right?

Yes.

Centennial, the NFL. We're standing on the field, on the sideline. Ball just kicks off. It's Terry Bradshaw. How are you long? Me, Strahan, Tony Gonzalez is standing over there. Kurt Manafee, Jimmy John will stand there and Terry Bradshaw, who is the funniest dude you ever meet, legit funny like that. He says, you know what, this 100th anniversary, the NFL thing, this worked great. The centennial, this thing went great. We said, yeah, it was great. And we did it all year long. He said, great. He said we should totally do this again next year. What did you just say, dude? He literally was just like, oh, I get it.

Yeah, 100 years.

But I'm sorry to cut you off.

That's great, man.

That's the add part. Cutting you off.

No, it's all good, man. Side stories are classic. You've trained or you've worked with or have trained. And I've also just seen thousands of athletes and pro athletes come through your facility and over the years train them. What would you say is the level of which the high level athletes face mental health, stress and anxiety? Or do you feel like most of them don't face that?

They all face it. You can't be great and not have some crazy.

Yeah.

Like your work ethic, you just. It's. It's not normal. Right, right. And that's good. Like, I want us to embrace it. Like, I say I messed up, but I'm good with my messed upness.

Yeah, right.

Look at the stuff you've done. Yeah. You're not normal. Right. I don't think. I think most of us aren't normal. And what makes us not normal is we outwork the world. Not by a little, by a lot. You got to have, you got to be off to put those hours in when no one's watching.

Right?

Right. Not just when everybody's watching those hours when everybody else is, when nobody's watching.

Yeah.

But to be on that level. Right. And I, this is what I tell anybody. Right? You played arena ball. You playing football. Right. Is not who you are, but what's behind your rib cage that got you to beat out millions and millions to beat your record holder in ncaa. That's one of one that, that no one could ever take that from you. Right. And too many feel like, oh man, I, I didn't do enough or I didn't go here, I didn't go there. Yeah, you did. Like you playing the NFL or you playing arena ball is not who you are. What's behind your ribcage that makes you so much different than everybody else. That's who you are. And that suddenly doesn't just go away. It's always there.

Yeah.

But who reminds you all that? Right? So like even you were telling me. Well, I didn't do. No, no, no. You played arena ball. Dude, I never got to that level.

I got paid to play ball.

Yeah. Most of the world didn't get to that level. Right, right. You were, you were top level athlete in decathlon. Right. Just. There's something different about you there. We all have something different about us. We got to find what that is. For me, like, do I wish I could have played football? Yeah. I'm a 5 foot 7 Jewish guy. It's not gonna happen. Right.

Your parents were like, let's just play some chess or something.

And then for me, I got into mixed martial arts early. Yeah. Because I actually, I felt like I belonged in a cage. That's what led me.

Like an animal, I felt.

But not only that, I feel like I belong there and I feel like I deserve to lose. Really? Yeah. That's what my self worth was. Wow. So that was the easiest place for me to kind of take beatings. And it's not like my dad didn't beat me growing up or anything like that. So it was just my self worth. And it wasn't until I started really, I started coaching. Fox made me stop fighting in 2003 or four. I only had two fights. See, I just did it right there. I only had two fights. Right.

@ least you fought. But that, see, you did.

It. I started minimizing myself right there. And that's what I'm.

Trying. Me too. I only played the.

Arena. That's what I. That's. I was just getting on you about that now. I just did it. Right. I took those three steps up in. And it did make me feel special because we were kind of like the island of Misfit Toys back then. This.

Is. It was just pretty.

Yes. Yes. And. And it still makes me feel special from my physical scars from it. So when Fox made me stop fighting, I learned how to start coaching guys. And that's how it came to about war. Opened up the gym. Unbreakable. And I've coached a thousand NFL players, full.

Teams.

Right. Wrestle every single one of them. Wow. Get in there with every one of them. Sure. And like, it's. That's my. That's my own messed upness when I. When I have a fight team, the roommates of my head talk a lot nicer to each.

Other.

Yeah. And so I've always bragged about these physical scars, even, like, internally when I walk in a room. Like, man, I ruptured all four L5 four times and L1 L2 twice from wrestling with Randy Couture and Chuck Liddell and Andrew Whitworth and Lane Johnson and this guy and that guy. But we don't brag about our mental scars. So that's what I'm trying to do now, man. It's. It's time I give myself a break and learn how to brag about the stuff I've overcome mentally. Right. That's what we have to do. Like, we.

Can'T. What happens when we start to talk about it? What happens to us physically, mentally, when we start to bring it out as opposed to hide it and be shamed about.

It. You don't have a secret anymore. You know, it's just. Is this.

Relief?

Yeah. Like, and I'll tell you this, too, the fear of someone's going to tell us to suck it up or, oh, come on, man, just, you know, you're being a wuss.

Or.

Yeah. Every single person, 100% that I've opened up to about this, it brought me closer together with.

Them. 100%. Vulnerability is the key to connection in my mind. Yes, I. I talk about this openly on my. On my show, but when I was five, I was sexually abused by a man that I didn't know. And for 25 years, I held onto the secret, the shame, because I thought to my, if anyone knew this, no one would love me. And so it was this shame that I held on.

To. It's a lot to.

Overcome. It's a lot, man. And so it drove Me to become bigger, faster, stronger, you know, protect myself. Kind of like what you were talking about, building this defense mechanism. But it left me feeling less connected to people emotionally because I wasn't able to tap into that vulnerability. It wasn't until about nine years ago I started opening up and it was like this weight came off me. And also, like you said, all my relationships got stronger. All of.

Them. And how many people did you help? Because they're like, dude, so.

Many. So many men started emailing.

Me. Good for.

You. I wrote a book about it, the whole thing. And it's like, that was my most downloaded podcast in 1200.

Episodes.

Wow. And it was the one that made the most impact when I talked about the journey for the first time. And it's just like what you're doing now, it's helping so many people give a voice and give words, like you said, to what their challenges might be faced with in their.

Head. I'm curious just on.

That. Yeah, go.

Ahead. So I know it. Look it beyond sucked that happened to you. Yeah. It's the ultimate betrayal. Yeah. But if it didn't, like, like, think how many. Think how many lives you saved. Because it did. Yeah, right. Yeah. That one day you open up, think about and like the. My co author here, I, Sarah, I only chose her because she overcame cancer. Wow. And she didn't know why. I sent over the last chapter about and I said, I know it sucks you had cancer. I know it. But you came through that other side of that tunnel and didn't break you, and that's why I chose you. So I know it sucks because you went through it. You're going to save people's lives. So that's the thing. We've got to use our. Our pain and the things that have happened to us to help others. And I'm not saying it's ever going to be worth it, but who knows the people's lives that you've saved and the good and great they go on to.

Do. Absolutely. You never know. You never know the ripple of.

The. I'm proud of you.

Man. Thanks.

Man. I'm proud to be here with.

You. I appreciate it, man. Thank you. And.

I. Very.

Strong. I started talking about.

It.

Yeah. I don't know. I guess seven years ago, maybe seven, eight years ago. And I remember feeling terrified because at the time, seven, eight years ago, I never saw any guys talking publicly about especially who kind of looked like me, the former athlete, jock, opening up and talking about any of this stuff. So I was so scared. I was like, I'm gonna lose my business. No one's gonna like me. No one's gonna follow me. Like, no one's gonna be friends with me. And it was the opposite. It was kind of like it allowed me to connect with my audience even stronger. And I think that's what you're doing as well, is showing a side of yourself that really connects people, your athletes, you.

Know. Proud of our scars? Absolutely. These are. This. No matter what happened to you, it's something you.

Overcame.

Absolutely. So we can look at. This is something that happened to.

Me, that broke me or.

That. Or something that I.

Overcame.

Yeah. So we have a. A girl named Andy Ward who is. I could talk about it because she talks about it. She's a member of mvp. She came into. She's now. Well, she came into our MVP sessions and MVP up here in it. We're in seven cities right now, but in L. A, we train unbreakable. We take the combat vets and athletes and we merge them together on Wednesday nights. It's free to all of them. And we train for about a half hour, just give that burn. But then after we have these mental health talks and these huddles and man, they have the sexual trauma that they opened up about, there has been just.

Wow. Well, it's quite healing for so many to talk about it and really release it.

Absolutely. Every one of us is just, man, we got your back. We were there for you. Well, Andy, for the first year and a half. Andy. We met Andy. She was homeless, and I think she was living on a VA campus by then, but Andy's. And she came in, she didn't say a word for the first year. Just came in, didn't say anything. And after a year, she's like, wow, these are brothers and sisters. It's a team. I could. A vulnerable team. She finally. The stuff she's held onto, she finally opened up and she was. She grew up in a cult. She.

Was.

Wow. Repeatedly. Repeatedly grown up by her father. She used the military to get away. And then she.

Was. Oh, my.

Gosh. And then came back over here homeless. Drugs, alcohol. She is now my second highest ranking female.

Executive. Oh, my gosh. It gives me.

Chills. She is. So she talks about this now. And last year we had Josh Burris in, who's the CEO of gnc. And he was listening to a session. She was open up. She goes, guys, today's this anniversary of this is this. And she starts opening up and she's like, for the first time, I have brothers who get my back I have men who get my back. And Josh Burris is like, oh, my God. This person just said all this public. Oh, my God. And he said, I'm donating a million dollars right.

Now.

Wow. To mvp. And it was because this woman was so vulnerable and open with us, Andy. And she's. She went from homeless to our second highest ranking female executives. And she works at Unbreakable, too. She's amazing. Wow. So when you. When you turn your. We just had a Dallas chapter opening. She went down there and spoke with me and Dan Quinn, so defense coordinator down there. And a bunch of us. And Troy Aikman was there, and a bunch of people were there, and. And he told her story. And afterwards I said, how do you feel? And she said, I think pretty cool. And I said, you're the biggest rock star in this room right.

Now.

Wow. There are people. And she goes, I actually am feeling it. And she said, but you know what? I deserve to. It was my suffering. I'm like, yeah, here you go. But that's what I'm saying. Like, we've all. This is. This isn't heaven where we live. Right. It's not gonna be perfect. We've all had really bad things happen to us. We could overcome it. Right. And we can use it to motivate us. Or we could let us just let it beat us down. And it's easier to let it beat us down. But that can't be the option that I want us to all.

Take. But it's more worth it. Overcoming.

It. Absolutely. Look. How did you.

Feel? I know. What was the biggest. The first thing you felt like you had to overcome early in.

Life? No, it was. It was so. I was tiny. It was growing up in Jersey, being the smallest one in a room all the.

Time. You were getting picked on a.

Lot. Not even. Yeah. But not even picked out one. Yeah. I just. I couldn't fight. I was. You know, I wrestled 101 pounds in high school. Right. I was one on one. Right. So kind of always kind of got left. I was a few years behind everybody, so that was always hard, but I was always kind of this in your face type of cat. But it was in your face. I. I knew I could only.

Get a certain point in your face until you.

Started. Until they beating me up. Yeah. Until the guys were 200. Just like, I'm one on one. I've always been, like a tough kid, but I couldn't really do a lot about it. And. And I just also. I just never felt loved growing.

Up. That was the hardest part, Never felt love. Did your parents love.

You? Yeah. And I. I just didn't. I just didn't feel it. I just didn't. Yeah. And actually, I would go upstairs at night. I always get punished because I'd lash back out. And I was always. And I was afraid of the dark. And I just started talking to God by myself. Like, really? Oh, yeah. Just. No one taught me. I just did. And that's my choice. To have.

Faith.

Yeah. I believe in a loving God, and it's like my best friend, parent, and that's my choice. It's not. Not a hateful God where I'm getting punished for everything, which is weird because I always feel like.

I.

Punished. Right. It's kind of odd, I think, that.

Way. What was the biggest lesson you learned growing up and who taught you that.

Lesson? Biggest lessons were from my dad. Outwork the world and be loyal and your dreams will come true. Wow.

Absolutely. From your dad.

Huh? From my dad. Outwork the world and be loyal. So loyalty was. Man, it's always. It's my.

Brand. That's.

Cool. And I have just worked my butt off my whole life to make sure. Like, I. I got a text from a Navy SEAL buddy of mine the other day, said, I had a dream the other night that, man, I was about to get jumped in these football stands, and you were right behind me. And he just said I was good because you were there. And it's just like. It's just his loyalty. And he goes, we all know you're there for.

Us. That's.

Nice. And I was like, that's. Yeah, that. That fills me up. But they know I am like, drop of a dime, if you're stranded anywhere in the world, you know, to call me and I will drop everything for.

You.

That's. And I kind of view it. I view everybody like, I'm going to be so loyal to them. Hoping it's going to sound a little morbid here. So loyal that I'll end up being their pallbearer. Wow. Right? That's as loyal as you get. And if I can get 10 or 15% of my crew to treat me back the same way, I got a pretty good little team around.

Me. And you got 15 paw bearers for you, too. Yeah. Wow, man. What was the biggest lesson your mom taught.

You? Biggest lesson my mom taught me. My mom. So I have a million. I have six careers. I do. At the same time. My mom did the same thing growing up. Yeah. Yeah. So she was like, stay at home mom, but she Started all these businesses in the house and they ended up starting preschools for communication handicapped children. Oh, wow. So I worked at those my whole life. And that's actually how I got diagnosed with ADD in 1989. Through them. It. It took me that they had a one place over by Princeton University, and they brought me in, and this is 89. So I got diagnosed with that. I got put on Ritalin, which. Oh, man. Talking about messing up your brain chemistry. And then I have to go tell my teachers, hey, I got this new thing called ADD and explain it. And they're like. And I was like, ferris Bueller. They're like, oh, yeah, you need to take a pill and step out of the room. Yeah, whatever. Right. So. Yeah, they didn't. No. And I wasn't. It was my first year of college or my first year. I didn't get kicked out of college, but, you know, I had to educate college professors. Yeah. And then I was also trying. And I've tried to do this and I've read a lot of this in the book. Don't call it a learning.

Disability. What should we call.

It? Add. It's also. They've decided lumping it all together, ADD and adhd. Not like, my kid has ADD and they call it adhd. He is not hyper at all. Right. So they kind of lump things in. But also like, man, when we're growing up and they say, oh, this kid has a learning disability, there's a negative connotation to.

It.

Absolutely. We just don't learn like everybody else. It's not a disability. But I know the way I learn is way better than the way that teacher over there may learn or.

That coach over there or learn well in school.

Format. Yes. We didn't learn their way.

Sports. And in the world, we were able to connect with people and learn in other.

Ways. But if you brought them into a football meeting room and they couldn't pick up your playbook, would you call them disabled? No, they shouldn't call us.

Disabled. That's.

True.

Yep. Just not good at that.

Thing. Not good at that. Yeah, it's not disabled. We're just. We don't pick that up. We're not going to call you disabled because you can't pick a.

Playbook. That's.

True. And that. That would always hurt me a lot when they would say yes. And I was you. I was a remedial English early. And yeah, here I wrote a.

Book, so I know I almost flunked out English my senior year. My teacher. My senior year teacher, she Was like, louis, you can't go to college if you don't finish high school English class. And so she was great at just, like, tutoring me every day after class, trying to help me just get a passing grade so I could go play.

Football. Wow. My parents got me a tutor every day for my class. I didn't get.

It. It's the worst, man. It's hard to remember. I would read, like, pages in a book and. And just have to keep rereading the same pages and be like. After an hour, you're like, this is pointless. I'm going to fail anyways. What's the point of doing.

This? I skipped the reading comprehension part for my SATs. Yeah. So I just, like, skipped it. I knew I had no shot. But clearly I'm not learning disabled, Right? Clearly. It hasn't held me back from reaching my dreams. I've accomplished my dreams. So, you know, again, it's. There are certain things I'm good at, certain things I'm not good at. What? We all have that. Let's not call us disabled in any.

Way. What's the three proudest moments of your.

Life? Three proudest moments that come to.

Your mind, you know, obviously, if you have more time to think about. But what's the first thing that came to mind? Three proudest moments from early childhood.

Till now, when I started getting comfort of the Giants for all those years. Just broke it and broke it. The first day I walked in that Giant locker room in 1993, which is already four years into my career, finally got a break for that 450 bucks, was like nothing. But it was my first real job. I walked in that Giant locker room and I said, okay. I have no education compared to everybody else in here. I have no. This is the Mecca of, you know, television, sports, New York City. I have no experience. How could I be different? And for me, I try and preach that to people. Let's not be a face in the crowd. Let's be the crowd. Be your own crowd. That's what stands out, right? You're different. Everybody, we're different. So how could I be.

Different? So what'd you.

Do? So I said, number one, if these reporters here work, I said, I'll be the last dude standing. So if they work 40 hours a week, I'm not gonna work them by a little. We're not working by a lot. A lot. So I'd work 100 hours a week. Jeez. And I had. I couldn't afford subway to bus to Giant Stadium and back every Day. So Michael Strahan drove me into New York.

City. How'd you convince him to drive.

You? Nobody talked to him for like. Michael didn't like make it to his fifth year. No one talked to him. He got drafted to be the top pass rush of the Giants to replace Lawrence Taylor. Lawrence Taylor's still on the.

Team.

Right. Michael has bad teeth and a speech impediment comes from Germany. Wasn't a good thing. So no one talked to him. Those other reporters didn't talk to me. We met our first ever days on the job ever. Wow. And latched on each other and we just. Every day. And what I would also do is I would get these other.

Reports. So he would drop you.

Off? Every day of my life. So I owe him. I owe him about $29,000 working tunnel fair and like what? Michael validated me to other players that you could trust this guy. But I also did. The other thing I did is I said, okay, hey, I'm not working by a lot, B. I'm not going to use my pen as a.

Weapon. I'm not going to call, you know, talk bad about.

Them. Well, I'm just not gonna. I'm not gonna use my pen as a weapon. Back then it was everything splashed on the back page. It was bad, right. I said, I'm gonna start relationships. I have more in common with these players than I do my fellow reporters. So I'm going to start relationships. It was so frowned upon back then. Really. Oh, my God. They used to kill me and.

Michael. Now that's all they want to do is try to build relationships to get the.

Story. I started a different way of doing it. So I had every scoop and every story. But that's the smart thing. Build a relationship. The scoops will come. If you go for the one scoop, you burn yourself forever. Relationship. Short sighted. But I also, again, me needing a team. Even though I was the reporter and they're the players and the coaches, that was a. They're my team for my own mental health. Like, I latched on to them. I needed that. So it took me again, overall 11 years to get a full time job. Wow. But I just kept going, I kept grinding. And what I did too is I got those players that was covering and the coaches to see my plight. Man, this guy's so broke. But he's the first one here by hours. He's the last one here by hours. We want to see him make it. Like, I got them to see my play. I collected more of a team around me to Walk this walk together with me. Finally, in 1999, I am on a driving range on Randall's island with Tiki Barber, the Giants running back. And my agent is still with me, Maury Gossrant, who can I get turned down by 20 agents. I was just trying to build this team that it's not just me, like, doing this. And he just happened to be home sick one day and saw me doing a free show on Channel 5 there. And he's like, oh, this kid's good. He calls me up and he says, hey, what are you doing? I said, I'm playing golf with Tiki, a little driving range. He said, okay. And I get choked up here because it's my moment. There's only time. There's a few times in life we really find out who we are. This is one of them. And he said, you can exhale. And I said, what do you mean? He said, we finally got you a full time job. Now this is 11 years of. And let me back up. Not only did I outwork these guys, I was trying to get a job every week of my life. I got rejected more than any human being you'll ever see in your life. But that relentlessness I told you about of me having that depression, anxiety, I had to go for something bigger. So I felt that love from the outside in so hard. I'm like, I'll be rejected over and over and over and over and over. Just constantly rejected. And I had this thing where actually every week. So for six days, I got rejected. I covered the Giants cover the NFL. Grinded, grinded, grind, it's exhausted, swimming upstream. And again, I told him I'm real spiritual. And I read in a prayer book the fourth commandment. God commands you to take a day off and drink some wine. So don't threaten me with a good time. Right? I take it literal. Take every week, I take one day and say, okay, whatever happened this past week, it's done, it's over. Like, all the rejection, let it go, it's over. And I'm giving myself a day to heal one day. And literally after that one day, I would look up, the guy said, okay, God, I'm not asking you to get me this job. I'm not asking you to help me win this interview. And I think we do that too much. Right? I'm not asking you to get me money. All I'm asking is you pick me up, brush me off. Let's keep walking this walk.

Together. Yeah.

Right. So I've never felt fully alone.

Right? Wow, that's.

Beautiful. It's. And I, and I didn't look at it as 11, an 11 year span of being rejected. I looked at it as 11 years of one week.

Periods. Interesting. So it's much more easy to manage because I've been going for a decade and nothing's.

Happening. I have a thing in here that says you never know what lies around next.

Tuesday.

Absolutely. I was always hunting for that next Tuesday when something happened. So finally, 11 years in a Tuesday.

Came. Wow. So he said, you can exhale and when you say, we got you.

A job, he said, you finally got a full time job. I said, with who? He said, the NFL Today on cbs because they just got football back. I said, he said, you're going to be there, NFL Insider. I said, I'll take it. And he said, don't want how much it's for. And I said, I don't give.

A. It's more than what I'm making now.

Probably. I said, and here gets the choked up part. I said, maury, this was my validation when I walked in that giant locker room all those years later. And I said, I'll be the last dude standing. This validated that. Like all this stuff I've done, all the rejection, it validated it. And I said to him, before you tell me the salary, if it took me another 10 years to get this, I would have done it. And it's, and it takes, and listen, it takes a lot out of you. It does beat your soul down. And it was for 50 grand a year. And it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me in my life at that. Like, so it's a long story.

There, but 2005, is that what that.

Was? No, no, no. 99. Oh.

99. When you got.

This? 2002, I went to.

Fox. Fox.

4. 2004, I went to.

Fox. So five years later you got the.

Fox.

Yeah. And that was more than.

50K. That was. Well, what happened when I, I got the 50 grand from CBS. And also that Internet thing came out, of course, which I think is going to take off. You should invest in it now. Yeah. And I became the first minute by minute breaking news guy in America. Me, John Clayton, who just passed away, and Lynn Pascarelli. We were kind of battling out and no one did that back then. So before us there was no, it was, you had to wait for the newspapers the next day. And before us there was no crawl in the bottom of the screen. So we started it and so I got an extra 50 from CBS.

Sportsline to do that.

Nice. And another 25 or 35 from local CBS to do the Jets Giants. I went from 9,750 bucks a year to 135 grand.

Yes. Pretty good coin back then.

Too. Oh, my.

God. It was just.

99. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Yeah. Good money right.

There. Yeah. But again, what I. What I realized is as I started moving up the ladder and then Fox saw me from cbs, which obviously way better fit. My wallet's not an.

Antidepressant. It's not an antidepressant. What do you mean by.

That? I thought when I made it big, big, big, there was gonna be rainbows and unicorns. That's why I worked so hard to. Man, look where I am now. I've. Now I've had a lot of those moments. So it was definitely. There's two sides. It was. There's a lot that's better, like broke. And I've been.

Unbreakable. Right.

Right. Born you broke. There's a lot of things, like, I had nothing to.

Lose.

Yeah. So I didn't have that fear of losing stuff. That anxiety. Now when you have all this, you're so horrified you're going to lose it.

Really? So you have more anxiety now than.

Then? I think so. I think you just petrify to lose it all the.

Time. It's like maybe that 2005 was when you went to.

Fox.

Yep. And there was more to lose.

Then. Well, now as I've gotten to this level, it's like, you know, that home, more money, more problems thing, and it's all different type of problems, but I just think that. Yeah. When you get. When you work so hard and you finally do make it, you're so afraid to lose.

It. You don't lose.

It. Yeah. You almost. It's almost like fighting not to lose instead of.

Win.

Yeah. So I've had to alter that. I've got to make sure I recognize and just go and like, yeah, yeah. Just be me, you know? But it's. Look, it's. It's all. And a lot of it, too, is like, I don't think logically a lot because those roommates in my head don't like me to have joy. I don't. So anytime I want to enjoy something, you don't deserve it. You're not worthy of it. So I think that's part of it also. I don't know if it's for everybody. Sure. It's part of. For me. And listen, I'm a work in progress.

Man. Yeah, of course. We all.

Are. Yeah. I'm trying to learn to get there. That's why I'm, you know, I keep doing things like this to hope that, okay, maybe this is the thing that's going to help finally get me to meet in the middle. Wow. Where I could feel that worth from the inside out. And I. It's like, I know I'm worthy of being loved. So here's the crazy part. I know I'm worthy of it, but I don't feel like I deserve it. Really? No. It's probably the other way around. I feel like I deserve it, but I don't feel like I'm worthy of it. That's. That's it. Yeah. I'm kind of doing a little.

Stuff. When was the time you felt the most.

Loved? This isn't good because this isn't real love. But, like, yeah. When I would, like, would break huge stories in the NFL and everybody be like, oh, my gosh, when, again, I was ahead of the game in this, and it was like, man, I was the first one doing this. It's like on a different. Like, I had the Spy Gear video. That was a crazy time in my life that, you know, that was. That was my second week in fox, and that's the biggest scoop in the history of sports. The actual video, when the Patriots got caught, you know, filming the jets coaches. Sure. And cheating. But you're asking me, like, the love that. That's not a real love. Yeah. I felt admired and people like, oh, my God, this is like, you know, this is. This is amazing. But the most loved. I don't know. I don't know how to answer that question. Yeah. I don't.

Know. You have a.

Son.

Right. Love with your son or his friends or.

Family. I mean, but you said, I.

Don'T know how have you had the most.

Love? Yeah. I don't know how to answer that. Interesting. Yeah. I don't. Like. I enjoy being with my friends. I love being with.

Them. You don't feel.

Loved? Yeah. And I always feel like they're gonna catch on soon to this fro that I am because I'm, you know, I'm this terrible person inside. And that's. That's what tells you a lot. Yeah. That's why you ask.

On. Why do you think you're a terrible.

Person? That's what it tells me. I don't.

Know.

Yeah. Yeah. My mother asked me recently, she said, do you. Because she sees how exhausted I am from it. It's exhaust.

Me.

Yeah. And she said, how do you And I told her how bad. And I won't say to her how bad I do view myself. She's like, what? She said, look at all the good you do. I said, I. I know, but I. I just don't feel that I deserve that. Right. And. Or worthy of that. And she said, has to be exhausting. And I said, so exhausting. So I said, mom, when I don't get right back to you, that's why, like, I'm going through.

It.

Right? Right. And it's. It is totally exhausting. So yet all I want to do is be loved. And then people kind of reach out to love me. I'm already so tired.

From. You can't receive the love.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's hard to receive it, man. Well, that was. That was your. One of the most proud moments, you.

Said.

Yeah. When you got that phone.

Call.

Yeah. What was the second and third most proud moments, would you.

Say.

Man? And it can be a big thing. It could be a small thing. It can.

Be. I would say when I first started, mvp, that.

Was. That's pretty.

Cool. That's pretty cool. Having. Having come out of that say like, man, thank you. You saved my life. Yeah, that's. That's got me a lot our. For. We have another employee named Denver Morris, who's my. Who's our national outreach director. We met him. He was living in a homeless shelter coming off his third suicide.

Attempt.

Wow. He's still. First time. He told him that, man, you saved my life. Like, oh, my God. MVP saved my life. And those moments now I. There's a lot of.

Those.

Yeah. And those. Those get me. I had one two days ago from one of our guys here. Hey, brother, just checking in on you. Hope you're doing well. I'm coaching the weekend with a positive mindset. Love you, brother. Next time you look in the mirror, tell that guy thanks for saving. Wow. Tell that guy thanks for saving my life.

Wow.

That's. Grateful you've made this impact in the world. See, I can't, like, listen, I've. I'm a. You know, no one's questioning my manhood. I could cry in a drop of. You know, I can sit there, be like, oh, glazes a wussy. So. But.

Let'S.

Yeah. Think about that to me. But I would just read this to you. It's pretty. So these come in a lot. So there's a lot of proud moments.

Now.

Yeah. And it's. For me, being of service to people. It's. That's pretty.

Cool. That's.

Incredible. It's pretty.

Cool. That's beautiful. What do you see? I mean, you've accomplished so much in the last, really, last 20 years. I guess 23 years since you. I call it 30 years since you started the journey. For 11 years of going after the.

Dream. I look fantastic. Don't you look.

Great. And then, you know, getting the job, you know, the bigger job. And then on FOX and then hall of Fame and TV and all these, you know, unbreakable and all the thousands of athletes that you work.

With. And don't forget bowlers and.

Ballers. That's one of my favorite.

Shows. Heck.

Yeah. You got a great role in that show. I.

Know. You're so great looking. Jewish.

Reporter.

Exactly. And I didn't follow my lines because I couldn't remember them. So I.

Just. Just make it happen.

Yeah. And I just messed with Dwayne. So that's the whole thing. Like, that's actually. Look, we've been close for a while, but we really started having mental health talks way back.

Then.

Really? Yeah. We get real vulnerable with each.

Other. What's the biggest lesson DJ has taught you in the space of mental health and also in just.

Life? Matt, he is. He saw me a couple weeks ago on TV promoting this and he called, he said, what's up? So what do you mean? He said, I saw you today. I said, yes, what's wrong? And something was wrong. I was going through with another. An issue and he saw it. But the fact that he stepped away and saw that, and he said, okay, I'm gonna call you four times a day. I got you, brother. And. But the biggest thing for him is May. He is like this authentic dude. He. Same thing, though. Like, he. That dude thinks he's gonna be broke next week. He literally thinks he's going to have seven bucks in his pocket again next week. And for me, we're special. Here's the biggest star in the world. And yet we call each other and send each other notes and lean on each other for mental health almost every day. Whether it's. When I had that anxiety attack the other night, I reached out to him struggling. And there's another issue I was going through. Hey, how did you handle this? And boom. When I had the book two again, he's like, you're going to be that voice of the gray for all of us. And I'm going to put my team behind you also. Wow. Because it's going to help you, it's going to help me, it's going to help a lot of us. It's going to help the next generation of Dwayne's and Jays out there and stuff. So he's very selfless. He's incredibly selfless. And that's the biggest lesson I learned from him is you could be the biggest star in the world and be. Still be incredibly selfless. Yeah. Still just give, give, give. And I think he does so much charity work and all this work he does for people. Same thing. He's trying to show himself I'm okay. Like when you work so hard and you get all that rejection that he did or I did or you did. Right. He showed up stream all those years. It's.

Exhausting. It.

Is. So, yeah. It takes it. It beats down your soul a lot. So we're there to love each other up, man. It's just so crazy. He became him my little niece who looks like.

Sasquatch. When did you first meet him? Have you guys known each other for a.

While? I did a movie with him called the Game Plan Disney movie where I was just like. And I just started messing with him again. The laughter part. I messed with everybody and it just kind of stood out. Everybody else was like. And I was just. So when I go down and do ballers, like, he'd be over there with his team and then everybody else be over. And I was walking through and I'd be like, where's Sasquatch? I can't work like this. And I go through and, you know, he would sit there and he would like, he'd have his lines and. And I'm like, don't say it like that. He's like, who are you telling that? I'm like, I got this. What I do for a living. He's like, no, you don't. I just mess with them. Or I would change my lines. They eventually had. It went from scripts they said to like Glazer scripts. At least for my size. They just knew the bullet point.

Yeah. Just say.

Something. Wouldn't remember it. And said. And I was being myself. So I would mess with them all the time. And we try and get a little. You know me, I run a fun locker room. So I try and make it rancid and dirty and kind of shock value. And they kept most of. Was.

Great. You got a great little cameo in there every time I see.

You.

Yeah. I was like, it's pretty big.

Man. It's pretty cool. It was. It was like. That was. That's the obviously Fox interval Sunday for me every week is just incredible because that's our locker.

Room.

Yeah. It's fun. And we sit back there and watch games together and.

Just. It's pretty.

Awesome. Crush each other. And there's six of us on the show, and there's 19 personalities, and Bradshaw and I have 11 of those, so. But Ballers was so much.

Fun. That's.

Cool. Because I probably could. I didn't care because I'm not an actor.

Right. So I'm just gonna be.

Myself. Yeah, I could care, but I also do. They're not fired me. I got this.

Camera. Yeah, he's gonna keep coming.

In. I'm.

Okay. That's.

Amazing. He would just be like, yeah, just keep rolling. I would just. So, I mean, I would say, yeah, 90% of my stuff probably wasn't. It was supposed to be scripted. I just didn't follow.

It. That's amazing, man. I'm really excited about people to get this book Unbreakable. How I turn my depression and anxiety into motivation. And you can too. This is powerful because I think a lot of people feel unmotivated when they have anxious thoughts, stress, depression, or just issues where they don't feel worthy, don't feel loved, don't feel enough. I know I face a lot of that in my life, but I.

Was. What was your turning point.

Man? I was driven. The thing is, I had a drive to prove everyone wrong about me. So everyone, you know, just being bottom of my class, special needs, picked on being kind of tall. You were the short kid. I was a. I was this tall when I was like 11, but not this built. So I was like this goofy, kind of like big eared, you know, big.

Teeth.

Just. They made fun of the appearance. So it wasn't until I really turned 16, 18, 20, where I started to fill out my body. So it's kind of like the opposite, you know, I was tall, but I was made fun of being tall. And so I just remember many moments being made fun of, picked last and, you know, on the playground, whatever it is, for little sports and just being like, I'm gonna prove everyone wrong who's made fun of me, who's doubted.

Me. Were you resentful to them? Do you want to get back at.

Them? I just wanted to show them, look, I did something that they never thought I could do, and it drove me to get incredible results and that. It gave me motivation, but it was a motivation out of more anger and resentment than love and inspiration. And so I would accomplish and achieve. And then I transitioned from sports. And then I played with the USA handball team for nine years. Played them. You know, I Don't know how.

Your knees held up in.

That. I know.

Right? Are you kidding.

Me? But I was like, I'm going.

To do this in.

Sports. And then I did it in business. But then I hit a turning point at 30, 39 now, where I was like, I'm accomplishing and accomplishing and accomplishing, but I still don't feel lovable and I don't feel enough. The turning point was facing the sexual abuse and talking about it and allowing myself to be vulnerable. And that's where everything shifted. Because I was in such a competitive mindset, I had to win at everything. I had to be the number one and win at everything at everyone else's expense of being a loser. And if I lost, then I was worthless. I was not good enough. Even if I broke the day, I broke the world record from most yards in a game we lost. So I was beating myself up for.

Days. Even though good quality, though, because you lose, it's not. Yeah, I was lost. Yeah, exactly. But it was great quality.

Yeah. But it wasn't until I hit 30 and I started down a healing journey of therapy and lots of different stuff where I said, it's not going to be about competition. It's going to be about collaboration. It's about how can I win and how can I get everyone else with.

Me.

Yes. And that collaborative. And I didn't know collaboration was a thing. I knew teamwork was a thing, but not against someone else, like collaboration. So now it's just like, how can I win by lifting everyone else up? How can I make you win? How can I shine the light on you? Put you on a platform, support your message, your mission, to serve people in return. Good things are gonna happen, you know, good things are gonna happen to me as opposed to I need to be the biggest show, the best show, the most successful in the world to make me feel good. Instead, how can I serve the world? And I feel.

Great. That that's the. And that's. That give, give, Right, that loyalty. I talked about how it be and that, you know, whenever we train football players or I've helped a lot of coaches kind of move up in the NFL ranks, and that's why I have this loyalty. But I always tell them, listen, I know I'm crazy. You follow along, man, we'll change your grandkids lives. Yeah, right. So it's like we'll lift you to such stuff, but it's not. We don't get anything out of it. Right. This is for you to change your kids. And when I Do see that? And this guy gets a head coaching job or makes a Pro bowl, it's just. Or starts getting up here where you can give back to charities. That again, when things happen to other people, you ask. So you. Your question was, what's the best thing that's happened to me? I don't see that. If you said to me, what's made you feel the best out of. It's when something's happened to everybody else. Like you were saying, yeah, you lift people up, then I have something tangible for.

Me.

Right. Man, this has happened. That's happened. I walk this walk with this person. I've helped this person overcome this. They've gotten up here. Now that's the key. That's really the key to.

Success. Absolutely. The best thing that's ever happened to me that I think at this moment was learning how to heal my heart. Because my heart was in a prison for so long and it felt trapped and it felt painful and I felt tension and all these things and learning how to. And it's a journey. It's not like it's one.

Night.

It's. It's all better. It's been like a journey of finding having more inner peace than I did stress because it used to be all stress and anxiety and I couldn't sleep at night. It would just be up all night thinking, worrying, stressed. Learning how to find inner peace has been a game changer because I feel like I have more.

Energy. And look at. It's hard to see right now that we live in a good world. Right. There's so much stuff. However, look at two guys right here, we're in sports who've talked down about sexual trauma, suicide, depression, anxiety, cried here. Yeah. So we are actually coming along a lot further in certain ways to make this world a better place. Like, that's our only. It's kind of our only hope moving forward for this next generation. Absolutely.

Right. I think specifically for men who are holding on to trauma. I think in order for the world to heal and relationships to heal, I think men need to heal personally and start talking more like.

This. And it's interesting because I thought obviously me being center of dudism with, you know, football and fighting and polish. I thought it was going to be a male centric book. And oh yeah, it's majority female of like, got it. So they can. And they're saying hey to their boyfriends or husbands and they're all just like, hey, that's not me. Yes, it's definitely you. And that's why we Gotta get dudes to get it. So, like, it's you, dude. It's so.

You. You're telling me. I wrote a book five years ago called the Mask of Masculinity, which was for men on how to open up and be involved, vulnerable. Almost all 80 women bought it and try to give it to the men. But this is the challenge that. That we're gonna face, where women are gonna hopefully bring this in and share with their guys more. And this is why we got to continue to be a Trojan horse, you know, talk about sports and do the rough and tough stuff, but slide in the vulnerability when we can, I.

Think. But it's. Did. Were you able to make that switch over it, or is it.

Still. Yeah, there's a long tail now.

Where it's like, you gotta tell me off here. You gotta tell. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's been.

Great. I was kind of shocked. I thought it was, you know, but it's. But you. Like, I had dinner recently, and there's a couple there I'm friends with, and this dude's a big dude, and his wife was sitting there with me, and his wife was like. She was just telling me what somebody said. Oh, just. Just wrote a book. And she's like. And we just talked about how mistress. He just committed suicide. It was the most beautiful girl in the world. Felt that lonely, that alone, right? And this woman said to me, that's me. That's how I feel. And I said, well, talk to your teammate. He's right there. And she says, he won't get it. And I said, you deserve to have him understand what you're going through. You deserve.

This. At least try it.

Right? And she literally saying that she wants. I said, you need to call him over. And I said. And she said, we have some homework. And he said, I heard about his book. And she said, I do need you to read a couple of these chapters with me. So, like, that's good, man. Yes, but that's exactly. You're talking about. Took a.

Woman. Yeah, of.

Course. And she's like, he won't get it. Well, dudes need to start getting.

It.

Absolutely. They need to start getting. They deserve to get it. Their wives and girlfriends and their moms and dads and children, they deserve for them to get it. But most importantly, the dudes themselves deserve it. They deserve not to be in this kind of pain that we're talking about. Absolutely. I don't deserve this pain. I didn't sign up for.

It. I.

Know. Well, I could use.

It. You're Working through it too. It's just.

Beautiful. I could use it.

Man. I've got two final questions for you before I ask them. I want people to get a copy of the book. Get it for your friends. If you have a friend that maybe is feeling more stressed or anxious, get them a copy to really inspire them. Follow you all over social media. You're mostly on Instagram, right? Is that the main place you're hanging.

Out?

Twitter. You're a lot of.

Twitter. Instagram too. My IG following sucks. I don't know what I'm doing. You can share more on Twitter. Well, I used to break stories on Twitter all the time, but now I try not to to look on social media because it just pulls me.

Down.

So. So follow.

Check. If you're in la, check out Unbreakable. It's an amazing gym. It's world class. It's so inspiring and it's going to get you another level.

Of. And it's a great community. It's the only gym in America. I have a therapist in.

There. That's.

Incredible. I hired a full time therapist in.

There. That's.

Cool. So because that's when like for me, after I'm done working out, is when I feel the most vulnerable. Going to.

Talk. That is cool.

Man. And our motto is, we build you from the inside.

Out. Oh, that. I love that. I love that.

Man. And there's not the only gym in America missing no.

Mirrors. That's.

Cool. Because I don't want anybody's back turned to the rest of the team. If you're sitting there checking yourself out, you got your back turned to everybody else. So we really are. We build you up from the inside.

Out. That is cool, man. So make sure you guys check that out. This is a question anybody can get in. Yeah, of.

Course. This.

Is. This is a question I ask everyone towards the end of the show. It's called three truths. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical.

Scenario. Well, then it wouldn't be.

True. The scenario is it's your last day on earth, many years away. You get to live as long as you want to live. You get to accomplish everything. You put out more books. Whatever you want to do, you do it. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your books, this interview, video content, anything of you speaking or saying, anything written, audio, video has got to go to the next place. So no one has access to your information anymore. Just memory. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. Three things you know to be true. And this is all we would have to remember you by. What would you say would be those three lessons or three.

Truths? Vulnerability is true strength. Oh, yeah, that's right out the gate. Vulnerability is true strength. The secret of success is outworking the world and being loyal. And last one would be love yourself up. Yeah, we got to give ourselves a break. Amen. All right. Learn to love yourself up. Learn to love yourself.

Up. That's beautiful. I want to. Before I ask the final question, Jim, acknowledge you for going on this journey. I think it's really hard for men in general, but specifically a guy like you from Jersey in this world kind of growing up, you know, before me, when this stuff wasn't even talked about, to be able to open up about it, write a book, pour your heart out to the world, and really share a lot of rough stuff that you share in here and the vulnerabilities at the platform that you have, I think it's really inspiring. And you're allowing other men like you. You to be inspired to do the same with, you know, their communities, their families or, you know, girlfriends, whatever it might be. So I really acknowledge you for. For doing the work, showing up, and being willing to not be perfect, not have it all figured out. You know what I mean? So it's a beautiful. It's a beautiful journey, man. I'm really. I'm really excited for.

You. Like I said, I'm. Look, I'm trying to learn to love myself up. I'm trying to learn to be loved because, like, yeah, I, like, that's all I want is to be loved and have that love. Right. And I haven't felt worthy of it so far. It's gotten the way of most of my. A lot of my relationships, and now I think I'm. If I can, you know, again with this, the more I could do that, I could hopefully feel. Feel that worthiness, and I'll have that happiness. I've been kind of searching for it. Of course, man. It's.

Coming. This is part of the.

Process. It's that journey there where probably wasn't. I couldn't recognize it years ago, but now that I'm talking about, like, this. This is the version of me that I do want somebody else to be with and me to do it.

Absolutely. And that's beautiful.

Man. Thank you.

Brother. Final question. What's your definition of.

Greatness? Lifting somebody else up. Yeah, this isn't being cliche. Like, again, it's. It's. It's not success and, like, a career. No, it's how you use wherever you have for somebody else. But it's like, you see what some of the great. The great ones have done for what they've done with their platform. That's greatness. Yeah. If you just do it for yourself, it's not greatness. You've just done a lot of really good stuff. You've accomplished some things, but it's not greatness. Greatness when you lift everybody else up. Right? Like, listen, I. I said it in stray hands, hall of Fame speech. I said, you know, being a great player, you're, you know, you're great. But hall of Famer, you lift up everybody else around.

You.

Yeah. That's what greatness is, lifting up everybody else around.

You. That's a great definition. I always say that success is what you do for yourself. Greatness is what you do for.

Others. There we.

Go. My story is I'm meant to be here. I'm meant to be me. I got something to offer the world, even if I don't know what it is. So the significance of an event is linked to what you make of it. I was given up for adoption. That means I wasn't loved, but it could mean my parents loved me so.