Lewis Howes shares three phrases every parent should use: "I'm so glad you're talking to me about this," "I believe you," and "Tell me more." Kids need to know they won't be alone with their feelings. Parents have to handle their own discomfort first, or children learn to hide theirs.
And here to me is the first line every parent needs in their toolbox: I'm so glad you're talking to me about this. What someone's really saying to you when they say that is, this feeling in you that you're feeling is real, and I still want to be in a relationship with you when you're feeling that way. Our kids need to absorb from us, my parent can tolerate this part of me before I learn. Wow. Tolerate this part of me. Line 2: I believe you. If there's one line that would be probably the most healing in people's childhoods. Wow. And the most confidence building from childhood, it's that. And it's so simple. Then the third line is equally simple. It's just, tell me more. Now at all these moments that my kid was in pain, kind of infusing myself in every moment. I'm adding connection, I'm adding believing. Interesting. Feelings don't give us problems as much as feeling alone in our feelings give us problems.
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