Forgiving someone who abused you narcissistically can actually make you feel worse, not better. Research shows that when the abuser keeps hurting you or you can't fully leave, forgiveness isn't healing. Sometimes staying angry is the healthier choice.
How do we forgive someone who's hurt us so badly as a narcissist? Maybe we don't. Maybe we don't. I have to tell you that something that's very important to me is that no one ever feels that they have to forgive someone for hijacking their soul, because maybe there is no forgiveness for that. The pressure to forgive has led some people to feel guilty their whole lives, prematurely forgive, there's a really interesting body of literature out there that suggests that if we forgive someone who reperpetrates, it significantly harms the well-being of the forgiver. So all of our research, forgive, you'll feel better, forgive, you'll free yourself. Not so much because not everyone leaves these relationships. Some people continue to have contact with the family members. They continue to stay in the relationship. They may not have a choice. Not everyone can leave. This isn't as simple as you're narcissistic, I'm leaving this relationship. It's not how it works most of the time.
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