"Most People WASTE Their Life Away Chasing The WRONG THING!" | Lewis Howes & Andy Frisella

I was just like, I want to accomplish this goal and this dream, and I want to make it, I don't want to make this much money. And then when it happened, it still wasn't feeling like, where's the feeling I'm supposed to have? And once I started to look back and say, okay, I've done a bunch of stuff, but I still don't feel fulfilled. That's when I said, I got to start making everything else about how can I impact the people around me the best way possible? How can I lift them up and elevate them? It's one of the reasons why I started the School of Greatness, because I was like, I want to shine a light on everyone else and not make it about me originally and just lift others up and create a platform for those. And that helped me let go of the ego a lot of just being successful for me. I still want to be successful.

Right.

But I think- It's probably also figured out that being successful is a product of what you do for others. 100%. Yeah. 100%.

Impacting the people around you and adding as much value as possible, which you guys do at first form. It's beautiful. But what I realized was that self-doubt was the biggest killer of my dreams. The insecurities, the doubt, the fears that held me back. And I started to dissect over the last 10 years, and ask all these great people that I've interviewed, you've interviewed a lot of them, you know a lot of them as well, about how they overcame self-doubt and the fears that held them back the most. And I realized that there were three main fears that causes anyone to doubt themselves. The first one is the fear of failure. which as an athlete, I don't know if you ever had the fear of failure. I didn't because I knew as an athlete, like I was gonna fail my way to success. That was the process. You miss a shot, you just like.

Realign it, you keep shooting, right? Yeah.

I was the same.

Yeah.

So I wasn't like, I'm afraid to fail, so I'm not gonna even attempt the shot. I would shoot and fail and, okay, I'm gonna learn and grow. So fear of failure was not a thing for me. But if you ask a bunch of people listening and You guys DM Andy and say, have you ever been afraid to fail? I bet a lot of people will say, Yes, I've been afraid to fail. And it's why they don't start the show or launch the book or do it or start the company or whatever it is. They don't go for the girl, whatever it might be, they're afraid of failure. The second fear is the fear of success. I didn't understand this growing up either.

'Cause I wanted to be successful, right?

Yeah.

You never- this is one I never got either. Exactly. But when I go and speak in rooms and I ask people who here has ever been afraid of success, I'm shocked. more than half the room raises their hand. I never understood it.

It confuses me. Never understood it.

Because I get the same thing, dude. Here's the thing though. When I started to ask questions about it, I realized that there's a weight to gold. There's a massive responsibility you have being the leader of this company, being the leader of 400 plus employees, being a leader of hundreds of thousands or millions of customers and living a life that people can model and be inspired by. There's a weight to gold. And there's an amazing documentary called Weight of Gold that is about Olympic gold medalists who get depressed after they win the gold medal, get suicidal, commit suicide, overdose, and all these things because they don't know how to handle success. Not all of them, but there's a series that talks about the ones that do. And as I started to make money and I started to become more successful, it's funny because when I left St. Louis and went to go pursue my dreams, I had tight friends. from high school and college. For whatever reason, they stopped calling me back when I went to go pursue things that they could have done as well, but they didn't. And I didn't get it. I was really hurt by that. And then years later, I would start to get phone calls once they saw me successful in business and making money and then asking for things. I'm so proud of you, bro.

Thanks, man.

Appreciate it. I knew you could do that.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, but I. But the thing is there, I understood. when, when you leave a tribe, your family, your tribe to go pursue something, and if they don't believe in you and they kind of push you away or they stop responding to you, you don't, it doesn't feel good. It feels lonely.

Yeah.

And you want to go back to that friend group, the family group, the people that, you know, supported you once. It's scary. And it's also scary to figure out, like, do people truly like me for me or because I have this platform or because I have the money or because whatever now? So I understood as I started interviewing people and kind of experiencing it, the fear of success. But again, it wasn't something holding me back from at least putting myself out there. I would still try and launch the thing I wanted to do. But the third fear is the fear that crippled me for most of my life. And I think that holds a lot of people back too, which is the fear of judgment, the opinions of other people. Again, I could try anything and fail and be okay. I wasn't afraid to at least attempt. I wanted success, so I was going after it. But it was all the criticism and judgment behind my back, publicly online, comments that would just kill me. And I felt like I had to defend myself every time there was an attack, a judgment. Because at the core of all three of these fears, failure, success, and judgment, the center is, I'm not enough. somewhere I believe that I am not enough. Not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, worthy enough, whatever it might be. And that was definitely my biggest insecurity was I'm not enough in so many ways. And so I needed people to give me the approval. I needed people to accept me because I didn't accept me fully. Now, I accept myself fully now. It doesn't mean I'm still not hungry. It doesn't mean I'm still not a work in progress. It doesn't mean I'm still not driven to create results in my life and make an impact and do all these beautiful things. But I finally come to myself after literally 10 years of different healing modalities and processes and making big mistakes and learning and growing, I finally feel at peace with accepting myself. And from that space, I feel like I can do anything. no matter if people talk crap about me. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I can still do it and not be afraid of that. And that's really at the core of the greatness mindset is identifying which fear holds you back. Because I believe self-doubt is the killer of dreams. If we doubt ourselves, it's just gonna hold us back. Or if we accomplish, it'll never be enough.

Yeah.

And so we must learn how to accept and love ourselves. I know. that's maybe not the talk you would have here about acceptance and loving yourself, but I truly feel like it's learning to see yourself truly for who you are, all your flaws and insecurities, all your shame, all your past, get to a place of meaning about everything that's happened to you to accept yourself now so that you can lean forward in your life in alignment with your best self. And that's what it's about.

Yeah, dude, I think, first of all, I agree with everything you're saying. 100. And what you just said about this might not be the thing here.

Right.

Okay. The, the reason that I do not really address that is because I believe that in a lot of people, it's become a toxic mentality.

100.

Where they are not, it's like when.

I talk about luck, they're not disciplined.

No, at all. And, and so they're accepting who they are.

Yeah.

With zero effort to try and become the best version of themselves.

Yeah.

And so. when I talk about luck, bro, like, the minute I mention luck, okay? Because we talk about success, personal development, you know, when I go speak, minute luck comes up, 50 of the room shuts the down because they're like, dude, see, you got lucky. I didn't get lucky. And so they use it as a thing. It's the cop out. Yes. And so the reason I'm so hard on the self-love space, because I am hard on it. because I believe it means something else than what most people believe that it means.

I agree.

I believe that it means you should recognize the potential in yourself and love yourself enough to make the changes that produce the best possible version of yourself.

Amen.

It doesn't mean accept yourself and all your flaws and do nothing about them and continue to be a piece of and be lazy.

Right.

Exactly. And so like, I feel like it's gotten toxic. So the reason that I hammer on it and it does get misunderstood a lot. Like, a lot of people hear me talking, they're like, this guy's a psychopath. That may be true. No meditating, guys. It may be true. You might be right. But it's not that I don't believe in these things. It's just I believe they're misunderstood.

Yeah.

You know, and I believe that there's, you know, like, for example, like when we talk about, you know, the body positivity movement, you know, it's. It's. You should feel good about how you look if. you are doing the things that are to improve what your health is supposed to be. You're in alignment. Yes.

And your actions are in alignment with your greatest self. None of us are perfect.

Exactly.

Honest with yourself. Like, are you really happy with how you look?

If not, you're probably not making the actions you need to do.

Not being your word.

Yeah.

I was going to ask this, Louis, because the thing, like, we talk, Andy talks about it quite a bit. You know, the work comes before the belief.

Right.

So, like, do you. Would you agree that a lot of people that have these issues of the self-doubt is because they have not put the work in to have the belief in themselves that they can accomplish whatever it is. I mean, yours, it took 10 years, right? Like, you got to.

But those fears that he's talking about, too, bro, those are paralyzing fears. They, they. You're right.

Yeah.

But what these three fears that we're talking about here, these are things that create inaction by the nature of the fear.

By the fall.

Right. And so addressing these fears up front and especially hearing you know, I think most people should hear that, like, even somebody like me or somebody who's. You're looking. We struggle with those three things. Absolutely.

Yeah.

Now, do I understand the fear of success? Not really. But as I've gotten more successful, it has become more of a. Of a weight. There's a pressure. Yes. A responsibility.

And that's real. Yeah. That's a real thing.

It doesn't get easier. Nobody prepares you for that.

It doesn't get easier.

The more successful. No, it gets much harder. If you're an ethical human.

It gets easier in terms of you can take care of financial things easier, but it doesn't make your emotions easier, managing people easier, understanding people's intentions easier, dealing with more conflict, dealing with whatever people are saying about you. The weight of it is big. And I think a lot of people don't want that weight. They don't want the responsibility, and they don't actually know how hard it is to be in your position.

Dude, I never thought about that weight. like on my journey, you know, it's 24 years now I've been in business. I never thought, I never stopped to think about it. Like of all the fears that you mentioned, I struggle with the third one as well. Judgment, yeah. It's usually 'cause we judge ourselves so much.

Yeah, well, what it is is that.

We know our own weaknesses. We know the that we're not great at. And then when someone else happens to point it out, we feel like, oh my God, we've been exposed. I know. And it's like, dude, everybody knows this. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody's the same. But I never thought about the weight, you know, but that's a real thing. It's a massive thing. And people don't, you know, nobody prepares you for that. Like nobody talks about how much pressure you feel if you are a decent human running a massive company where you're responsible for hundreds and thousands of people.

And so many, no, not every person is going to understand your intentions. They may be upset for a multitude of things that was not your intention. And there's really nothing you can do about it except just take it on the chin.

It's part of being great.

It's it.

Part of being great is you have to be willing to be misunderstood.

100% and accept that it's gonna be lonely. And you might only have a core group of people who truly see you and fully acknowledge what you're up to and accept you for who you are, where everyone else might be judging you, complaining, gossiping behind your back, no matter how loving and caring you are, it may just not be the case. And to go back to what you were saying, I'm 100% in agreement that it's the consistent actions of doing the hard things or just the things you say you're going to commit to and completing those things which build the confidence and the belief in yourself. It's hard to believe yourself when you do nothing. Like you said, you can't be lazy and say, I believe in myself because you're not getting any results. And it's really not even about the results. It's about the consistency of the effort and saying, I'm going to do this every day for seven days. And you did it. Great. Now you can have some, even if you didn't accomplish what you set out to do, which is I'm going to lose five pounds in two weeks, even if you didn't do it, but you did exactly what you're supposed to do on 75 Hard and you did it to the program, that is something to build confidence in. One of the things I talk about in the book is I had so many insecurities and fears after I was done playing arena football, which again, I was only making 250 bucks a week back playing arena football. So it wasn't like I was some huge stud in the NFL. But for me, it was a dream. It was a dream to like get a little check and catch a football. I was like, this is unbelievable, right? It was amazing. And I probably would have done it for free, to be honest.

Yeah.

You know, because I was like, this is just unbelievable. But after that, I went through a period of, I had a surgery and went through a period of just like kind of, who am I? What's my identity? You know, and what's happening in the world in 2008 to 2009-10, I was trying to figure things out. and I was afraid. I realized I was acting like I was confident, but I was really afraid inside with so many things. And I had a mentor who said, I want you to make a list of all your fears. And he said, create a fear list. And what I want you to do is start knocking it off one by one. Start with the biggest fear first. And public speaking was a big one. I couldn't stand in front of a classroom without stuttering and kind of trembling and just. Feeling very insecure because I had a very low reading level and a communication level in middle school and high school.

That's amazing to hear, honestly. I was thinking about, because like, dude, honestly, real talk, I think you do.

One of the best interviewers on the planet. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. But in eighth grade, when I came to St. Louis in eighth grade, boarding school, Principia High, they tested me for all the standardized tests. I had a second grade reading level. So from eighth grade all the way through seven years of college, I had a tutor. during lunch, I was in special needs classes. And really, in my senior year at high school, the English teacher was like, Louis, if you're failing right now, if you don't pass, you cannot graduate high school English. You can't go play college football. And so she would help me after class every day to just get to a passing grade just because it was very challenging for me. So I had this insecurity because I felt like everyone else around me was just way smarter. and based on evidence and results on the grade cards that we had, they ranked us. I don't know if they did that at your school.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was always in the bottom four. Me too. So I was always just like, okay, I'm the dumbest person here and probably in the world. That was the belief that I built based on the evidence and the results I was getting. And I was working hard. I was trying to study. It wasn't like I wasn't giving effort, but it was just, didn't understand it. And so he said, I want you to create a fear list. Public speaking was a big one 'cause I have that insecurity. And so what I did is I met someone who's a public, you know, professional speaker who got paid to speak. And he said, you need to go to Toastmasters. And if you really wanna overcome your fear, you've gotta do it every week. You can't just go once a month or once in a while. You've gotta do it every week for a year and act like it's a sport, like you're training for the championship. What's Toastmaster? Toastmasters is an international association that teaches public speaking. They give workshops and classes. from basic speaking to advanced, and they teach you how to communicate effectively. And they give you like different prompts. So you do 10 speeches to finish like your first course, 10 kind of main speeches. But I would go every week and I would present something for at least a two-minute speech. But sometimes it was longer. And the first time I got, so I was like, okay, I knew I had a vision or a dream to want to impact people one day. I didn't know if it was gonna be me working in an office or me as a coach, I had no idea, but I knew I needed to be able to communicate effectively and confidently to do anything in my life.

Dude, I just covered this on the freaking last show that we did. Really? Yeah. What you're talking about, how important this is.

Yeah.

And so he said, I want you to go every week. And so I committed to it like it was a, I was training for a sport. And I went every week. And the first week, I remember I had to give a speech. My first speech, it was after a few weeks of going, but my first speech, you're supposed to give a five minute speech and they call it the icebreaker. It's like, tell us a little bit about who you are and you have five minutes. It took me weeks to figure out how am I gonna speak for five minutes? No joke. This is what, 15 years ago? It took me weeks to think about how do I have an interesting story? Like is people gonna be interested in this? I have no clue what to say. All you gotta do is speak for five minutes and I was terrified. I wrote down word for word the speech and I practiced it for weeks. And when I gave my first presentation, I stood behind a podium in front of 20 people and word for word looked down and read the whole speech. I did not look up one time. I was terrified to look at people, to see them laughing at me, judging me, you know, kind of just giving me awkward stares. So I couldn't look people in the eyes. It was terrifying. and I remember after that, you get feedback after every speech you give. So it's a safe environment, but I was still terrified of the Judgment, right? Of what people are going to say, even though they're supposed to lift you up, I was terrified. And they give you feedback.

And.

And I remember I was like, okay, I got the hardest part done. This is the most embarrassed I've ever felt. These are all professional speakers. They gave me feedback. It's a safe environment, but I still feel humiliated, you know, sweating out of my pits, just like horrible feeling. I was like, okay, I got to train this like a sport. Every week I went back and I couldn't wait to go back. I was like, okay, I'm going to improve on this. I'm going to get more feedback. And I got a coach from there and I was just like meeting with my coach every week, teach me how to do this. By the end of the year, I got a standing ovation. I didn't need any notes. I didn't need anything, but it was that consistency of diving into the thing that I was most afraid of every single week. till the end of the year, being able to do it with confidence and poise and being able to remember my points without having to read them down and just being able to implement all the things I learned in a year, that has made me so much money going all in on my fear. And I talk about in the greatness mindset, it's really figuring out the talents and the skills and the things that make you feel powerful and leaning into those things which you've done so well. But also in this fear list, it's figuring out where you feel the most insignificance and also the most powerless. And this was an area that I felt powerless. But after this process of doing what you said, which was taking action consistently to build up your belief, I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like, okay, now this is a superpower, something I thought I would never be able to do that made me feel powerless is now a superpower. I'm putting this in my tool belt as a confidence tool that I have now, let me go down the list of fears and check off the next one. Let me go take it on like a sport, the next fear and the next one and the next one. By doing that, that's how you build belief. But you turn your fear list into something that is really supporting you for the rest of your life, like going all in on it. So that's what I did and that's what a lot of the greats do. They figure out what is their biggest fear and insecurity and they attack it. They don't hesitate, they attack.

Dude, I failed my college public speaking course. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm on the highest paid speakers on the.

I know, look at you now, man. You turned it into an asset.

It's the same thing you're talking about.

It's amazing.

Yeah, like I used to get nervous standing in front of my eight employees over on Manchester Road at a supplement store. And I would the same thing, dude. I'd have to read it.

Oh, man.

People don't understand that. Like, you have to go through that process. Like, everybody you look at, everybody you admire, everybody you want to emulate or be like or who inspires you, they've all been you before.

Yes, all of them.

And I think if people would just take a minute to remind themselves of that, you know, nobody comes out of the womb, an amazing public speaker or an amazing entrepreneur or an amazing you know, humanitarian or philanthropist or organizer or whatever it is that you do, nobody comes out that way. The first time they try it, they get punched in the face, man.

Multiple times.

Yeah. Right.

And it keeps happening. And the real key is that perseverance, man. And every single time, if you're willing to just learn the lesson and put it in your tool belt, I like to say that, too. It becomes an asset, man.

Huge asset.

Yeah.

And, and you kept doing it. You, you know, you turned that fear of like speaking to eight people and you just kept trying and practicing and trying new stuff and some things didn't.

Work and they didn't listen to you. And then you figured out, bro, you know what? Sometimes I go out there now and I suck.

Right.

It's true. You know what I'm saying? It is what it is. I, I just accept that that's part of the deal. You know, like you, you don't get to, you could be a hall of fame baseball player and hit the ball, you know, three times out of 10. Exactly. You know, I mean, that's kind of how I look at it. It's just the numbers. Like nobody's perfect all the time. Nobody's great all the time.

Mm-.

Uh, but people will remember you for your greatness when they get to witness it. Absolutely. And I think that's something that, you know, people have to understand, like, no matter how good you get, you're still gonna have days that are bad.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Another tool that I learned, because after, so I started making money as a speaker after this, which I never thought would happen. I was like, who would ever pay me? You know, what do I have to offer on a stage? I started making money for years, and then I started speaking on even bigger stages, you know, five, ten thousand people, whatever, like you. and I was like, okay, I know how to speak. I've been speaking for years now. I've been doing it over and over again, probably two speeches a month for years, but I was still getting nervous before my speeches. And I don't know if this happens for you, but this happened about five years ago when I was like, I'm sick and tired of being nervous. After 10 years of doing this, why am I still a little bit insecure before I go on stage? You always hear people say, well, nervous is a good thing because it makes you prepared, it makes you focused. Yes, but I was insecure. And I didn't know why that was happening. And I called a coach of mine probably 30 minutes before a big speech. And I go, I don't know why I'm nervous and why I'm kind of like still insecure and worried. And he said, Louis, you care so much about how you look. You're focused on saying the joke the right way. You're focused on the opening line. You're focused on this. And you just need to focus on service. You need to know and own that you will forget something you want to say. You're going to forget that funny joke or the timing is going to be off. You need to know it and own it and be okay with it. Like go into it knowing this is not going to be a perfect speech. And I accept that it won't be. I accept that it won't be. I'm prepared the best I can to give the best I can, but I know I can always do better and it's okay. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to show up, I'm going to serve the audience and give them what they need, not get what I need out of this, give them what they need. And it shifted everything for me with a lot of things. My podcast, when I had a big guest on, I'd be nervous and I just said, I'm here to serve the audience and I'm not going to be perfect. It's your intent. It's my intention is to serve people the best way I can and I'm going to stutter and I'm going to forget something. I'm going to say something stupid and that's okay. And when I started to do that, I actually relaxed a lot more and.

Performed better because I wasn't thinking about me.

You were nervous and it wasn't your flow. It was it wasn't about being successful. It was about service, which is greatness. And you actually achieve more when you lean into service. And so that's just another tool for people. If you feel insecure or nervous, stop thinking about me and start thinking about how can you give?

Dude, what you just described, it's so cool that you described it that way because the same exact process happened for me. You said, you, don't know if I get nervous. I did used to get nervous, but I do not get nervous at all anymore, ever, ever, for really anything. And the reason I don't, and Ed Mylett is the one that pointed this out to me.

He'S great.

He's the best. He's my best friend, dude. He's the only guy I can truly talk to who I know will actually not judge, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

At this point in time.

Yeah.

He's not gonna run away and say, oh, Andy told me this. I could be real with him. You know what I'm saying? But he's, he pointed this out, and he's like, look, man, he's like, if you want to drop the nerves, he's like, just remember that you were there. Your intent is for them to get better. -huh and if you approach everything, whether it be a speech or whether it be a podcast or whether it be your business plan or whether it be a conversation or a relationship, and your intent is always in the right spot, you don't have anything to be nervous about.

Yeah.

And people pick up on it. The energy that people pick up once I actually came to the understanding that this is what the key was, the energy that the people pick up is much better. It's like you said, it's lighter. You know what I'm saying? So I'm not up there, you know, when I go up and speak, you know, I'm stressed or anything. Bro, I don't even prepare anymore. I speak from the heart. It's beautiful. So when I go up there, now if I'm teaching an RT or something, I might use slides to make points. But for the most part, if I'm.

Giving a speech, dude, you're hearing what's on my heart that day at that time. That's amazing.

Yeah. My friend Rory Vaden said to me.

One time, It's hard to be nervous when your heart's on service. Yes. It's really it's hard to be nervous when your heart's on service. And I think it's so true. It's just like when you're when your heart's thinking about yourself looking good, you're probably gonna be more nervous. But when we're just focused out and just thinking, how can I give knowing it's not going to be the perfect thing, but it's going to be exactly.

What people need right now, that's when it's magic. Yeah, that that that piece of advice.

Really, really made a difference for me.

Like in a lot of different areas. When did I tell you that? Well, it's been a couple of years. Yeah. You know, it's been a couple of years. I mean, I was already great at speaking and doing, you know, all these things, but, you know, My point is always get better and improve. And, you know, Ed and I, our conversations, you know, they're very much so, like, very honest with each other about how we can improve each other. And that was just something that he pointed out in one of the many conversations that we've had that just stuck with me. And you just described the whole process.

Yeah, that's beautiful.

Yeah.

He respects you so much. I was just with him yesterday, and he's just, like, amazed at who you are, who you've become as a human and what what you're building.

A lot of that has to do with my friendship with him.

Yeah.

I mean, he's been a great, you know, because he's a little bit older than me, he's got more life experience, and he's been great at subtly directing me.

Yeah.

In a, in a, in a healthy, you know, productive way.

Yeah.

You know, he's never been someone that's been like, Andy, you're too much, or Andy, you're this or that. It's always been, you know, hey, have you ever thought about this? you ever thought about that? And those things, you know, for me, that's the best way to communicate with me.

Yeah. Right.

Because, like, when people tell me what to do, I, I'm like, yeah, I'm curious.

How do you know?

43.

43.

Yeah.

If you could go back to 33 and think about where you were in that time and where the company was, where you were personally, your health, your relationships, intimate and friendships, family, career stuff. and you could think about where you were then, what advice would you give your 33 year old self from what you know now? Like what's the number one thing you would say to support you and just having a little bit more, you know, fulfillment or peace or getting here faster or, you know, not beating yourself as much up. What would you say to yourself then?

I would have sat myself down and had a talk about my own discipline and what it meant to be disciplined in all areas. Cause you weren't as disciplined. No, I was, at that time at 33, I was 330 pounds. You know, I, I, a lot of, I was drinking all the time, partying all the time. I thought it was cool to be the wild guy, you know, and, you know what I'm saying? Wild man.

Yeah.

And that's how that, I was always.

That way growing up.

And, you know, I wish I would have had someone that sat me down and said, hey, bro, you know, that's not as cool. you think it is, you know what I'm saying? And you're very undisciplined and you're emotionally undisciplined. And if you could develop this discipline now, you will get much further ahead at a much faster rate. And I think that's the advice that I would have focused on there because I didn't really figure that out until I was about 36 years old. Right. And at that time, I was 350 pounds. I was big, dude. And you remember.

I remember.

Yeah.

I couldn't put my arms around you.

Yeah. And.

You know, once I started figuring that out, man, everything accelerated.

Yeah.

And it's undeniable. I mean, it's all areas of my life. Everything's gotten much better, not just from a, you know, success standpoint, but from a happiness standpoint, a fulfillment standpoint and a. A feeling of gratitude standpoint.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Everything got better when I. When my discipline, when I learned how to be disciplined and the thing that, you know, people should understand is that discipline is not just about your body. Like we talk about it in 75 Hard and Live Hard and it focuses heavily on your physical, but the truth is, is that discipline, once you learn it, can be applied to all areas. And so that's the thing that I wish I would have understood at a younger age, that had I had the skills to not only be disciplined in a physical, you know, I struggle with my physique. Like it wasn't like I had never been in shape before, before I had just become undisciplined. Right. And, you know, I think if I had understood at 33 what that could actually do for me, I would have bought it hook, line and sinker and dedicated my entire life to it. Yeah, for sure. Because, dude, the amount of progress that has happened in my life in all areas from the time I started figuring that out to now is like I did, like, 20 years worth of I got 20 years worth of results in like four and a half years.

Amazing.

You know what I'm saying? And so that's the impact of taking true control over your existence, is that it greatly accelerates everything else.

I'm curious then in that discipline phase over the last 10 years, what is the one thing you change about your thinking sooner And the one thing you would change about your emotions sooner, since we are a product of our thoughts and our feelings, you know, as Dr. Joe Dispenza says, our personality becomes our personal reality. So your thoughts, what would you have changed about how you think about yourself? You think about other people, the world, life, you know, what would you have changed differently about your thinking and then also your feelings?

Well, in regards to feelings, I was on Lexapro for 11 years. Okay? And there was just a study that came out that showed that Lexapro not only keeps you from being depressed, but it also keeps you from feeling anything. All right? And so when I got off of it, which was last year, which was really, really hard to do, I started feeling things again, and I started, like, it was weird, dude, because, like, you. You know me. Like, I'm not known as a most, like, emotional type dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, like, I would have these situations where I would just break down, like. And it wasn't that these situations were overly emotional. It's just I hadn't felt any emotions in so long that it hit me really hard. Things were hitting me hard. And I wish I had understood what that medication was doing to me, and I would have looked into it further than just. following those, the doctors telling me, take this pill. Because the truth of the matter is, is had I become disciplined and had I control the things I control, had I done those things, I wouldn't have needed that. Yeah. You know, and so that's, that's, that's a regret of mine, but it's also a massive learning lesson. And I try to talk about it because I want other people to, to come to that realization. But, you know, to answer your question, man, you know, I, I subscribe to the feeling, and I know this is, this is not a cop out, but this is how I truly feel. I truly feel that everything happened the way that it should.

Sure.

Because it's led me to this point. And I feel like now, you know, I do, I feel like, like, if I'm comparing the two versions of myself, I was definitely more aggressive in terms of, like, I mean, dude, you remember my old videos where I'm going crazy, but that, but that's that made my brand. So it's like, it's hard to like, it still comes out. It still comes out when I get real passionate, but I wish I had done a better job of controlling that part of me because that part came out too often and it came out in, in situations where it wasn't appropriate. For example, like, you know, there's people who I would have a meeting with.

Right.

And, like, what would end up happening is, is, like, they would be afraid that that was going to come out, so I didn't get anything good from anybody.

Right. Right.

So I sabotaged them, and now here I am years later, and I, like, I'm realizing, and I'm like, that wasn't good.

Right.

You know what I'm saying?

And so there's still look what you created.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But, I mean, you know, it's hard. It's hard, man, because I feel very fortunate to be where we are. And so it's hard to really criticize the past, but I can tell you this for sure. I was thinking about this just earlier today. Had I had, let's just say me now could talk to me then in the beginning, like back when I first started in 1999, I could have saved.

Myself.

Probably two-thirds of the success journey that I was on just from the shit that I know now that I didn't know then. But more importantly, I could have saved myself tons of mental agony because I could have reassured that, hey, look, this is just the way it goes. And this is just part of the deal. And you signed up for this. And nobody ever tells you those things. You know what I'm saying? Like when you're getting your face beat in, in business, right? Like, It's nobody comes along and says, hey, it's going to be okay. You don't feel like it's going to be okay. You feel like your world's ending.

I know.

And, you know, for a lot of people, you know, going back to that third fear that you mentioned, that's almost like the deal breaker. You know, the minute that their friends or their family or someone that they thought was their friend says one thing about their they're doing, like it's the end. Like, I remember when I first started posting is how my brand got started was I was on Facebook. I didn't know what to talk about, bro. And so what was interesting to me was success. And so I just started talking about things that I understood that you need to do, like making little motivational quotes and things, you know, and dude, real talk. Like, I could understand why people thought it was ridiculous, like looking back, you know what I'm saying? I was broke. I was a struggling business owner. We weren't very successful. I was not in great shape. so, like, I get why people would question it, but I remember posting a couple times in the very beginning and, you know, people that were in my family, like, people that were related to me, getting in the comment section and being like, who? Like, I remember, like, I know the exact person. I'm not gonna say his name. You know, the day and time you saw. I do. Yeah.

And I never forget it.

That's problem. That's a problem for me because I have basically a photographic memory. I can remember anything. Like, if I read your book, I.

Can recite it to Wow. So that's a, that's a gift.

It's a, it is a gift, but it's not a gift when it comes to like that.

Right.

Because I remember every single thing, every single thing that anybody ever said wrong.

To me, I remember it for.

And so this guy who's related to me got in my comment section. He's like, he like laughed and he's like, oh, I guess you think you're Tony Robbins now. And this is somebody that grew up, like, looking up to you. You looked up to. Yes. Wow. It was devastating for me. and I got pissed, and I went back at him real hard and called him out on all his. But the truth of the matter is, is, like, you know, for most people, that first time that happens, because that went on to happen a bunch of different times in different ways.

Right.

The first time that happens, people stop, and they're like, you know what? I'm not Tony Robbins. You know what? I'm not Tony Robbins. There's only one Tony Robbins.

I'm me, you know? And is it because they're thinking the same inside, like, internally, they're thinking the same thoughts, and now they're getting this.

External validation of, like, well, the thing is, you know what I'm saying? No, no one creating anything meaningful is criticizing someone else.

No, you don't see, you never see.

A winner hating on a winner.

Yeah.

And you never see negative comments on an Amazon review from other authors.

Yeah.

No other author is going to go and say, this book sucks, this podcast sucks if they have a podcast. They're not going to do that because.

They know how hard it is to create something.

Yeah.

Even if it does. And there's a base level of respect 100 that you went through the process. Yes. Like, bro, I've had, I've been asked to have lots of people on my show where they're book wasn't that great, so I didn't have him on the show.

Yeah.

But I also commended him, and I said, hey, this is great that you wrote that book. It's just not the right time. Exactly. And, you know, I let them. I don't, like, hammer them down.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And eventually they'll end up sitting over there, you know? Exactly. And so, dude, you know, we all deal with these things. Like, every single person listening to this, like, the. The third fear, especially the fear of judgment, is, I think. I think that's the fear that paralyzes most people. I think it's, I think most people are so afraid, and especially with the prevalence of cancel culture over the last five or six years, people, where it.

Could end your career for a period of time, bro.

It could have hurt you and I have both been through it.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? And, and, dude, these, what ends up happening is, and this is the real damage of cancel culture. Okay. I've been canceled a number of times because I'm opinionated, I'm loud, and some people find me obnoxious. I know you guys all love the out of me, but some people don't. All right. I know it's hard to believe. Yeah. But the The reality is, is that, you know, every single time that happened, I grew. My brand grew, my business grew, everything grew. So I learned to not be afraid of just being who I am, but other people see it. And here's the damage that cancer culture really creates.

They get scared, bro.

And it suppresses their potential.

I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm not gonna put money.

There's so much good potential sitting on the sidelines of the game. of life because they are afraid of the way that Society has behaved towards each other for the last five or six years. And, dude, that's what I think of when I see people going through it, man, and getting hammered. You know, every single one of my friends who's a. Who's really doing anything has been a victim of this culture at some point in time. And when I see them going through it, dude, the. I'm. I know they're gonna be okay because, dude, all of us will take care of each other. We'll push each other back to the top. But the reality is, is that there's so many people that watch that who say, I don't ever want that to happen to me. I don't want those arrows.

Yeah, yeah.

And so the first time they set out to, you know, write a book or do something, own a business, they.

Get any little criticism, they're like, oh, here it is.

Here it's coming for me. And they stop. And dude, it keeps it. Like, I truly believe that cancel culture is an intentional propaganda idea to. To make people be more. More mediocre. It's. It's too. It's too. It's no different than political correctness or censorship. Political correctness, censorship. These are ideas that were created so that people wouldn't speak up.

They.

It's for you to self-censor yourself. Okay. Oh, I don't want to say that because that's offensive.

We don't have to.

Well, what if. True. You know what I'm saying? So we have all these psychological operations that have been introduced into our culture. And I believe that cancer culture is the most painful one. And I think it's the most intentional one because what it does is it creates a scenario where people are so afraid to even step out and create anything that everybody loses. And so, you know, you guys have to understand, first of all, you shouldn't pile on people that are doing that. And second of all, you should stand up for them. And third of all, you should remember that even when you hate someone and everybody's piling on them, that that's not a good thing because other people are witnessing it and they're deciding right there and then that they're going to be nothing because of that.

Right.

Yeah, bro.

Yeah, man.

I love it.

Yeah.

It's dangerous.

Rant.

I love the rant, man.

You know, it's, it's, it goes with that fear of judgment. 100.

It hammers at home. I think that's what a lot of us need to learn how to overcome. And when we, again, when we put ourselves in situations where we can totally embarrass ourselves and realize I'm still alive, I'm okay, like everything is going to be okay and then do it again and again, we only expand and grow not only physically, mentally, but spiritually. Because when we cleanse the ego, when we put ourselves through that and we do get criticized and judged and we're able to still accept ourselves, our egos get cleansed. and we can just get bigger and grow and serve more people. But that takes a lot of Courage, and it took me a lot of Courage to try to, like, manage it. And I've. And I felt the criticism and things like that time to time. There've been moments where I'm like, maybe I should stop. Maybe I should just pause for a while.

Yeah.

And luckily, I reached out to some good mentors. They were like, this is all gonna pass, you know?

That's the point. They want you to stop.

Exactly. They want you. And my. My fear was like, maybe I should stop.

Yeah.

Maybe I should stop posting on social media. Maybe I should stop my podcast. Maybe I shouldn't do another book because this doesn't feel good. It does not feel good to be attacked. I can tell you that. But when you learn that this is gonna happen no matter what, you're gonna be criticized whether you're on your sister's couch and you're gonna be criticized whether you're got the business that you got, the size you have. Either way, people are gonna discount you and criticize you.

So you might as well do something you enjoy and love.

If you're gonna get judged.

Yeah. And you better. You'd rather be criticized a few bucks in your pocket. Exactly.

I'm saying, do you guys think that's also stems to from the. The idea that people want, like, I want a hundred percent of everybody to love me.

I don't think anyone doesn't want people to love them except for maybe Andy.

But, dude, no, he's right. Like, there. There's a. I think there's a big thing to that. I think a lot of people can't understand the basic concept. that not everybody is for you and they're not going to be.

And you can't please people.

No matter what you do, they are.

Not going to like you.

And if you if you bend yourself. Oh, man. To to trying to appease everybody, you lose yourself completely.

That was me for a long time, bro.

It's a lot of people giving in.

To please others, giving in to make people like me.

Just be willing to say, hey, man, it is. It is.

Yeah.

You know, and and that's the truth. And that's what I talk about all the time. You know, you guys in business. like you guys are trying to build a personal brand, you should just accept today that 50% of the population is not going to resonate with you. And in fact, they're going to have a propensity to not like you. So like when you get on your story and you start talking, they're going to say, well, f*** this guy. That's what the f*** those 50% are going to do. You are far better off creating content and being who you are for the people, the 50% that are going to listen and they are going to have a to like you and then doing yourself in such a great way that they, these people end up loving you. Yeah. And that's really the game. The game isn't you're gonna get everybody to love you, dude. It's impossible. But I will tell you this, it still hurts when people don't. -huh. And that's what people, that's what people don't realize. Like, you have to, you have to let it hurt a little bit and then be like, well, those people, and then just move on. Yeah.

And I think it's beautiful what you guys have done here at first form.

And also your show.

Is you are unapologetic of your identity and who you are and what you stand for. And it's one of the reasons why it's grown so big. And there's going to be, there's a hundred percent going to be some people that will never follow, never listen, never buy.

Yeah.

And that's okay. But it's going to expand you into more of the people that do relate, that do love the way you communicate, that do see what you stand for on these walls here in the, in the studio and in your your warehouse and they represent that same value and vision that you have. And I think you standing for these things, even though others may not like it or may be offended by it, attracts people that do love it. And that's really cool is leaning into your identity more and more and more. That's what allows you to expand. I wanted to follow up with a question on this because I loved your wisdom and your insights on what you would say to your 33 year old self. I'm curious if you could go in time to your 53 year old self and you could reflect back on what you're about to create over these next 10 years because you're about to expand into your vision into the world, probably even beyond your dreams right now, based on what I know you're capable of. Based on what you've done in the last 10 years, it's going to multiply times 10, 100 potentially in the next 10 years. So knowing this is going to happen, knowing the impact, the growth, the service, the success, the fulfillment of the customers, the clients, the people you have around you that they have in their lives now. Over 10 years, another decade, what advice would you give yourself then to yourself now, knowing everything you're about to create?

Probably just to keep going, you know what I'm saying? And accept the journey for what it is. and I think, you know, I I think when I think about myself that my purpose here is much bigger than business. Yeah, I think it's much. I think we're going to create a great business. You know, we're going to create an iconic brand. But I don't think that's like my my, like, biggest thing. What I'm going to.

What's your thing?

I think that I was put here to help, and this is going to sound insane, but I believe that I was put here to truly wake people the f*ck up so that they can actually understand what freedom truly is. And I believe that I was put here for that mission. I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it. I think that's where my route's going to take me, and I think.

I.

Think me building the company and doing all those things is something that will happen as well. But I think probably when I die, people are not gonna remember me for that. That's what I think. And I know that probably sounds egotistical to some people, but I have so many of these crazy signs that point me that way. And it's such a passionate thing inside of me that burns inside of me. because I recognize the manipulation that's happening and I recognize the damage that happens because of that. And I recognize the greatness that everybody has inside of them. So there's like this mixture of like all these things inside of me where I'm like, hey, you guys are being lied to and you're being manipulated and you're being conned into becoming a lesser version of yourself. And I think all of these things are gonna combine and they're probably going to end up killing me for it. But, you know, I think that's what I'm here to do. Yeah. You know, I can't help it.

That's beautiful, man. And I think for me, I love that you said freedom, giving people the ability to feel free and freedom in their life is a beautiful mission. Two years ago, I didn't feel free inside. You know, I'm a physically free man.

Well, that's giving. Well, are we?

Well, I mean, I'm not behind a prison.

How much time do you pay?

I'm not in a prison. Right, right. Well, I'm not in.

Well, I am in California, so I'll say a lot. But, bro, we, we live in a.

Highly oppressive environment that is accepted as Freedom. Sure.

And so.

Well, let me.

Yeah, I mean, so, I mean, I'm not behind bars.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not, I'm free to do certain things. But you're bringing up a great point because what you're.

Go ahead. Because what you're saying is truly a massive part of Freedom.

Yeah.

For me, it's, it's the inner Freedom.

Right. I mean.

You know, I had a brother that went to prison for four and a half years. He was sentenced 6-25. I was eight years old when he went in. He sold drugs to non-recover cop when he was 19 when he was in college. And back in the 90s, it was the war against drugs, especially in America.

Right.

And so first offense, six to 25 years every weekend for four years, almost every weekend, we would drive two hours to a prison and be able to spend a few hours with my brother. And I don't know, there'd be 30, 40 other convicts in the room and their families, right? So every weekend I witnessed what it was like and experienced it, you know, next to him and just the energy of the room is kind of intense. What it feels like to be in a prison. I've never experienced that. Thankfully, I never want to. It's one of the reasons why I never drank, never smoked, never did drugs. Cause I was like, I don't even want to be influenced. to get to this place because I saw the suffering and I saw that it was very painful for a lot of people and their families, people that were impacted by it. However, there were some men there that truly felt free, that looked free and their energy was free and light. They had done whatever they did to process and mend and heal and forgive and accept, and they felt free even though they were behind bars. There's a lot of people that you know that are not behind bars and they are in a mental and emotional prison.

Absolutely.

And that for me is a massive crime, being physically free, not behind bars.

But not being free.

But not being free. I don't think that's greatness. And I didn't have freedom in my heart or in my mind fully. There were moments and times, but I still felt like a prisoner of my emotions and my mind. until a couple years ago, until I went on a deeper healing journey. And you've heard me talk about being sexually abused when I was a kid and a lot of other things. I started healing a lot of these things, but I realized that I didn't heal enough of it where I fully accepted who I was and forgave myself for everything that I was ashamed of, guilty of, insecure of from my entire past. And I started on the journey, and this journey was this one of the scariest things I've ever done emotionally a couple years ago. And by diving into these elements of my past that I was the most ashamed of and starting to create new meaning from those memories, new meaning from the pain, the hurt, the things I did that I wasn't proud of, things that I did that I was ashamed of and secure of all this stuff and created new meaning and started to bring that meaning into my heart. and accept it. That's when I started to, the pain in my chest that I had off and on for years disintegrated and it hasn't come back since. And it's been a beautiful feeling to have peace in my heart and to feel freedom, even though I'm paying taxes and all these other things.

There's levels to it.

Yes, I got you. There's levels to it. But to feel free in my mind and my heart and my soul, It really is an unbelievable feeling. And it doesn't mean I don't get frustrated and have to deal with stuff from my, you know, let's dig in on this.

Yeah. Because this is an important thing that is very, very important for people to understand, especially those of you who are young, you may not understand this yet, but those of you who are a little bit older and have witnessed some life and done some things, The idea of forgiving yourself is a confusing idea for people. Okay? And what you just described is the actual process of doing that.

Yes.

And so many people live with guilt and shame because of the things they were in the past, not realizing that you are no longer that person.

Yeah.

Right? Even a year ago, you're not the same person you were a year ago. And When you look back and you feel guilty about all these things that you've done, you should realize that doing those things is the reason that you now realize that those things are not good to do.

They're not right.

Yeah. So they actually served you in a productive way. And furthermore, I have this thing that I tell people, because I get asked about forgiveness of self and bro, real talk. I struggle with it too.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's not easy, man.

No, it's not. But the one thing that really helped me was, was what you said, assigning a new meeting, understanding that this happened so that I could get here.

And you wouldn't be here without it.

Yes. And I, not only would I not be here if I had to learn that lesson, I'd be doing the same.

Exactly.

From here on out.

Exactly.

And that's a powerful thing to really give yourself credit for.

Yeah.

And then also, you know, you know, a lot of people feel guilt and shame over stupid that is, like, really.

Stupid that no one cares about.

Yeah. And so, like, dude, here's my advice to those of you. Okay? There's two elements to this forgiveness and probably more. Louis, you know, you might have a lot to say about this, but what Louis just said is extremely powerful. A sign of meaning to these things that you did and understand that you are no longer that person and give yourself the. The freedom to recognize that, okay? And let. Let that go. you're. You're not that person.

And.

And that's another thing cancel culture does, right? It makes us afraid of the from 10 years ago. Well, bro, 10 years ago, I was an idiot. I don't know what to tell you. You know what I'm saying? Like, so. And so were you, probably. Okay, so let's be real about these bad things that we have said or done or in our lives. And let's understand that they brought us to a point where we now recognize that those things were not good.

And now we have wisdom about it.

Yes. And we can share that.

Exactly.

That's what allows us to share that with people on the path. DJ is 27 years old. I get to share a lot of things with him that he wouldn't have heard otherwise. Here's the thing. There's another way to look at it, too. And this really helped me a lot. How would you react if you were sitting in front of you? and you, instead of being you, was just a friend of yours. Okay? And you're sitting there and you're telling and spouting and venting about all these things you feel guilty about. How would you actually react to it? How you would likely react is you would say, bro, come on, man. Everybody does dumb.

Right?

Like you did some dumb. Everybody does dumb. And then you would say, but it's good you're not doing it. Yeah.

Right.

And then you would make fun of him and be like, yeah, that's pretty dumb.

Yeah.

And then you would move. gone.

Exactly.

You know, and so, like, if we could, if we could stop and analyze our own guilt and shame and then address it as you would address it for a friend, we're confiding in you. I think that's been very helpful for me.

Yeah.

And I think that's, that's the healing journey.

It's, it's a, it's, it's not a destination or a one-time thing. It's an ongoing journey of, of understanding that I've got to integrate these lessons. I've got to keep mending and growing beyond the old self that was hurting myself or other people. and the thing that I love about you, what you said a few minutes ago, is that you see the masterpiece in everyone. And so you see their greatness in them, even when they don't see it themselves. I believe that I look at people the same way.

Yeah, you do.

I want them, I see what's possible and I see where they're at now, the vision and how they can get there if they just overcame a few things. And a lot of it is how we beat up ourselves from the past stuff we did. And if we can do what you said, which is heal I call it healing. But if we can address process.

Stay away from that term.

Yeah.

Yeah. But.

But it's all good. Yeah, exactly.

But if we can address it.

Yeah.

Process it in a healthy way.

Yeah.

And integrate the wisdom for me. That's healing.

If we can do that.

No, it's a fair word.

Yeah, exactly. I get it. It may be that healing may not.

Be talked about, but that's how I speak about it. Yeah. Because. Because really, I don't think you can have freedom without healing. No, you can't. I don't.

So call what you want, but I.

Think you got an interesting.

Yeah.

And I think if. People want to be the masterpiece that they're born to be. If they want to be able to step into that greatness that they are able to step into, we must at some point mend and create meaning from the past things that hold us back. We must come to a place of, I'm processing this. I'm no longer going to be defined by these things. I'm going to move into the masterpiece that I'm capable of creating. And that's what the whole process is about. It's about mending, healing, and Moving forward into a meaningful mission, not just about me. How can I fill up me and succeed and win and prove people wrong? It's about how can I fill up all of us around me? How can I fill up we and serve by leaning into my talents and gifts and doing something beyond me? And that's what you've done so beautifully here. It's bigger than you and it impacts so many people in the world.

Thank you, bro. You know, there's people listening right now and they're like, yeah, but I did this and this and this, bro. Listen, you didn't reinvent the world of f***ing up. We've all, there's plenty of people who have done whatever it is, whatever it is that you, you know, are ashamed of or are holding guilt for. Doesn't matter what it is, bro. We all have those things in our past. Every single, if people were truly honest and like you could see people's true lives, like, oh man, everybody would feel a lot better. 'Cause they'd be like, oh.

And here's the thing, the thing that-.

This is pretty bad, bro. Okay, that's kind of up, Madat.

You messed up, Madat. Well, here's the thing. You know what's crazy is, you know, I've talked about this many times that I was sexually abused when I was five years old by a man that I didn't know, right? Not a family member, but a man that I didn't know. And for 25 years, no one knew this about me except for me. It was, I was riddled with shame and insecurity Thinking to myself, if anyone knew this, specifically any men or guy friends of this knew this about me, no one would accept me, no one would love me. They would all wanna just kick me out of their group and I would have no community and I would be a loser forever. That was the fear that I lived with for 25 years. So I masked a sense of false confidence to try to fit in. But really I was really deeply wounded and insecure and afraid that if people actually knew what had happened to me, no one would accept me. So it's a huge fear and an insecurity. And here's the crazy thing. One in six men in America have been sexually abused. So you think about all the men in this place. I don't know how many men work here, but it's probably a few hundred. There's likely that there are plenty of them here. There are a lot of people here and they've probably never spoken about it. Or maybe that hasn't happened to them, but they were manipulated by an abusive father.

They were beaten.

They were this, that whatever, or they were abandoned, whatever it might be.

We're talking real, real talking made up victimhood.

No, no, no.

Talking about this actually happened.

Stuff happened.

We ain't make no post about it.

That's right. I know you went through a lot of stuff, you know, that you've talked about publicly and privately. And I think it doesn't mean we have to talk about it all over the social media and say these things of what have happened to us. But I feel like we must learn to address it either with ourselves, with a friend, with a coach. I don't care how you address it, but you've got to learn to speak it. into existence or write it down so that you can get it out of you so it doesn't poison you.

And sometimes it is appropriate if you feel the need to say it on social. That's okay. Here's what's not okay. What's not okay is telling the same f ing story for the next f ing 20 years and using it as an excuse as to why you didn't progress from there on. That's what's not okay. What did you do about it?

Yeah, that's right.

Exactly. So anyways, I feel like, especially with men, and I know you got a lot of men listening and watching. It's like, get the poison out. Whatever the shame and the thing that you haven't forgiven yourself, that you've done or that others have done to you, like, find a way to process however you want to and get it out of you so that you can become a masterpiece.

Dude, I hear from so many men specifically who struggle with this, and they're like, bro, I did these things in the past. I don't know how to forget, like, I get so many, so many questions from men about not understanding how to forgive themselves.

It's hard, man.

Yeah, dude.

And it's especially the soldiers that listen to your show, a lot of former military guys that are part of this community and the things they've had to experience to be in service, but still they feel like, man, I can't believe I did these things to these people.

Yeah.

And I can imagine what that would feel like.

Yeah.

So I didn't mean to cut you off.

I think. No, you. I mean, bro, I'll cut you off. I'm kind of known for it. It says right up there, let people talk. You know, I can't help it.

This is a reminder. Yeah.

So, like, you're the best interviewer on Earth, and you and Ed, in my opinion. And then, you know, I like to call our full-length episodes conversations. Sure. Because I am a terrible interviewer. You're great, man. You do a great job listening. Well, I, you know, I notice it. I've worked a lot on.

I know.

I see it. Yeah. Well, and I learned from. I learned from watching you. You remember that commercial back in the day, dude? Like, they. The dad came in with a box. Yeah, I know you remember, Keith.

Yeah.

Dude comes in, finds his kids smoking weed. He's like, where'd you learn this? He's like, I learned it from watching you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny.

I interrupted you, though. What were you saying?

I don't know.

About the question for you guys. Go ahead. I mean, talking about the struggle, things that, you know, you're, you know, I guess not happy that you've done in the past, things like that. Would you guys say a healthy way of kind of dealing with that is just like one thing for me personally. I've had a lot of, you know, hardship struggles, right? But I've always, in the back of my mind, had a mentality like, I mean, I know there's somebody else out there that had it worse, so it's not that bad.

But that's discounting it. It's, yes, someone's always going to be worse than you. There's going to be people doing horrible things or having worse things done to them than you or, you know, whatever it is, 100. But that's, that's discounting still the things.

That you've gone through. You're not validating that this is a.

Real thing that's bothering Yeah, exactly. And I used to do that for a long time. For 25 years, almost every day, I would have this movie in my mind of me being sexually abused that was happening, right? It was kind of like my mind was replaying it over and over again. It's traumatizing to like experience in your mind almost constantly. It's why I couldn't sleep at night. It was just like, it's exhausting. And I kept trying to discount it and say, it's not that big a deal. Like in my little brain developing over years, I was just like, ah, So whatever, it's not a big deal. Don't be a p***y, don't be a wuss, just step up, just like get stronger, who cares? Like it doesn't matter. And again, that darkness drove me to get results in sports. And so it worked in terms of success, but it left me feeling very alone and unfulfilled. So it didn't work in terms of spiritual success.

It won't work in practicality either.

Right.

And here's the thing, I meant to say this earlier, but I missed it. But it doesn't practically work either to dry, you cannot be driven by the dark side all the time. And that's coming from me, someone who preaches the usefulness of it. Yeah, of course.

Because it is useful at times.

Very useful. And you are going to have to use it no matter what phase you are in at certain times. The key is knowing when it's appropriate to use it and knowing that it shouldn't be all consuming and burn you to the ground.

Exactly.

And that's something that I think since I've met you, I think that's the most profound improvement I've made personally. That's what I'm most proud of.

That's great, man.

But practically speaking, that dark side will drive you, and I didn't mean to interrupt, but this is an important point. The dark side will drive you to a certain point of success, and that point of success is in the seven, eight figure range. I mean, you can do very well with that. 100%. Okay. However, when you wanna expand past that, you have to come to the realization that it's not about you and it's about serving.

It is.

It's about providing some sort of value however you see to the people around you, to your customers, everything. And what you'll realize is that when you become purpose driven, you actually make a whole lot more f***ing money.

100%.

So there's practicality to what you're saying. It's not just, hey, the dark side's not good. No, it is good sometimes. Sometimes that's all you got. Sometimes. Guess what? I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna shove it down your throat. That is very practical when you're in the beginning phases. Yes, I believe.

But once you get you off the ground.

Yes.

Yeah.

And, dude, and I don't think you should ignore it. I think you should use it. I think you should recognize that these people are being. And you're gonna shove it down their throats, and that will get you off.

The ground and get you to a good place.

But it's not sustainable. It's not sustainable.

And.

There is a ceiling to it. There's a ceiling to it because you have to come to the understanding that that's not what actually makes empires or fortunes or true wealth. That will make you a decent income. What actually makes you wealthy is a combination of your purpose, the value you provide, the money that you make from providing that purpose, but also the fulfillment that you feel by actually delivering value to other human beings. That's wealth. The belief's there in it. And I also think, and I also.

Think wealth is having beautiful relationships in your life. For sure. That people that care about you, that.

Are there for you.

You can't do that when you're burning the world down.

Nah, man. You can only do that when you become purpose driven.

You become resentful, you become a win-lose mentality. Yes. And you're gonna hurt the people closest to you. You're gonna push them away.

You're gonna find new friends always. And it's exhausting. It's a balance, bro.

Yeah.

It's knowing, truly it is. It's knowing where it's appropriate to use and where it's not. But ultimately, if you want to save 10 years, real talk, 10 years of being off, just understand right now that the reason that you're in business, the reason you do what you do is to serve your customers and to serve your employees. If you could realize that that is actual Truth right now, you are much further ahead.

And I think, DJ, to follow up with what you were saying, there's a lot of men out there who are really good men, but they don't do that, the extra little courageous work that it takes to become great men. I'm not speaking about this with you, but it's just like if men have the thing of, you know, well, I had it rough or this was tough, but it wasn't as bad as my buddy or this person or this person I see on the news. you discount it and you still don't address the things that are holding you back, whatever that is, your shame, your insecurity, your guilt, your flaws, you don't address it, it's going to keep you at good, it's not going to make you great. And I think that's the switch, that's like the next level unlock that supports you from expanding your ability to experience all the stuff you want in life that you love, a rich life, if it's more love, if it's more intimacy, if it's wealth, if it's better health, whatever it is, that's that extra unlock that takes it to the next level in my mind. And that's what I get worried about is men who stay good and don't become great by doing that extra little work.

I think, I think, I think that's a very great point, bro, because.

Well, Society tells us otherwise.

Well, what do you mean?

Like, Society tells us that as, as men, like, it's okay. Like, you know, we don't have to talk about our feelings. we, you know, we, we can.

Yeah.

But see, dude, I also believe the Society has over corrected to the point where people are just gushing out all their.

Yeah.

And it's like, bro, come on, man.

That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm addressing it, bro.

I was broke as a kid. I get it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But there's, there's a, there's a balance there. Yes. And there's a, there's a line to work. Time and a place. And there's a balance. And what we've seen over the last five or six years, in my opinion, is we've seen a culture of victimhood. overtake because, you know, it's celebrated.

It's being celebrated.

Yes. And it sounds good. It sounds good to, like, accept yourself and love yourself. And it doesn't matter that you're 450 pounds and that you eat every day. You should still love yourself. And it's beautiful. And it's beautiful, bro. Like, there's been this. This societal shift to where. you know, it's almost opposite of the way it was. What you're describing is the way that it was. But I'm tough. I'm. I'm overly.

You were a whole book about this.

We all got to deal with it.

Yeah. And.

And, you know, man up. Right. And there's. There's a time for that. Okay? Like, if you're in the heat of battle, bro, and you just don't have time to deal with it. You got to deal with it right now.

Yeah.

And we've corrected over to this point now where people have made their identity. victimhood and they talk about their thing, their, you know, their, whatever it is, the traumatic thing, your upbringing, the sexual misconduct, these things become our identity, okay? And when they become our identity, and we talk about them all the time, what actually happens is we create a prison for ourselves to live in as victims. And that's why I'm so anti that culture. I understand there's a place for vulnerability. And there's a place for, and they're, it's real and they need to have it. There, there's a place for addressing the issues internally, but there's also a place for saying, well, that doesn't make me who I am. Yeah. That's something that some did to me 25 years ago. And you know what? It sucks. I learned this. This is what it did for me. And now I'm going to leave it over here. I'm going to continue to move forward.

Yeah. And I think to add to what you're saying is like, Yes, you can accept and love yourself, but that doesn't mean you get to be lazy. It's like, how can I be even more disciplined in my mission moving forward and make the masterpiece come out of me? It's not saying I accept myself, I forgive myself, and now I'm good to just be lazy. Unless that brings you fulfillment. But a lot of us get fulfillment from the discipline, from using our gifts and talents and adding values to others. That's why the meaningful mission for me is so important. important to have. And I think every man and anyone should have a meaningful mission. For me, I know what it is in one sentence, and then I make decisions daily based on that one sentence mission for my life in this season of my life. I know you guys are very clear on your mission and allows you to be disciplined because there's, if there's a meaningful mission, it requires you to become something you aren't yet. You have to be disciplined to get there. It's not going to happen by being lazy.

Right.

And that's why I think we need to be clear on what that meaningful mission is for us.

Well, I think we also have to be conscious that our point is we have to be very careful to not make these bad things that happen to us, our identity.

Yes.

Right? Like I got stabbed in the face, bro. Like here, here, here. And I got once in the back too. Okay? It was, could have been very easy for me as a 23 year old man who worked retail, who had to deal with people face to face to make that my entire identity and say, that's the whole reason I couldn't make it because people had to look at my face. And then when they looked at my face, it scared them or it made them uncomfortable, which it did. It was swollen the size of a grapefruit for a year, bro. People would either look at the floor or look, like, look around, or they would look right at your face and they said, bro, what the happened to your face? So you're dealing with this all the time. It would have been easy for me to say, man, I can't do business now because this happened to me.

Yeah, yeah.

But instead, and I was lucky because I had an incredible angel kind of bring me this message. You know, this woman who I met in the grocery store had been burned over 90% of her body.

Wow.

And her whole family had died in a plane crash. And the first, like, dude, her face was like melted off.

Really?

Yeah.

And we, we, you met her in a store.

Yeah, bro. So, like, I, you know, I went through a bad. A bad time, like, where I was very suicidal for real. Yeah. Like, I had thought about how I was gonna do it. It was basically just a matter of when I was.

Wow.

And, you know, you gotta remember, bro, I was 23 years old. Like, I was decent looking dude. I'm like, you know, no, I'm like, crazy, man. I'm never gonna meet any girls. You know what I'm saying? Like, it was bad. It was a lot to deal with, and I didn't have the maturity or understanding to know, like, actually, bro, it's not that big of a deal, right? But I was walking down the.

The.

The aisle of the grocery store, and this woman, we bumped carts at the end, and I would have my head down, and I looked up, and she was standing there, and I couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman because she was wearing, like, a raincoat and a rain hat, and her face was completely gone.

Melted.

Completely gone. Like, you know, like. no nose or anything.

Really?

And she looks at me, bro, and she looks me right in the eye. She goes, what happened to your face?

No way.

Yeah, like as a joke. Like, 'cause she knew, because at that time I had a big swelling going on. She knew what I was going through. And we had like a 15 minute conversation. And then I left. I never saw her again, never heard from her again or never anything. Like, I don't know if that was like a real person or if it was an angel or what the happened, but whatever it was, it set me on a different trajectory.

Really?

Yeah.

And the trajectory that I went on from that point forward how can this serve me? How can this serve me? And the immediate thing that I found that it served me was, well, nobody remembers you because you guys are so insignificant. Now people definitely remember you, you know, like, hey, who's, who, you know, those guys over at supplement superstores, and they're like, nah, who's that? You know, Andy, the guy with the, with the scars, it made it that as silly as that sounds, it was an advantage that other people didn't have.

Right.

So I was able to find meaning in that. And, like, instead of me going down the road of, like, I could have went one of two ways. I could have went the way I went and ended up here and continue to go, or I could have been the person that said, this doesn't happen to anybody else. Nobody else has been stabbed in the face. Everybody else, you know, I could have made that story and I could have just quit.

Yeah.

And that's, that's the problem with the victim culture that we have. Anything that you're going through, anything that you've been through, these things. have positive and meaningful purpose if you choose to examine them. And sometimes it's really hard, right? Like sometimes it's a family member dying. Sometimes it's something that you have a really hard time understanding what good could possibly come from this. But if you look hard enough and you think hard enough and you give yourself enough openness to consider the realm of possibilities, There's always a way to serve that comes from these things. 100%. Yeah. And I found that to be true, man. That's a beautiful story. The most impactful people that I've ever met in my life, brother, are people who have been through the worst.

The worst.

The worst. You know Jason Redman? I know who the story is.

I haven't met him, but I admire him. I admire his story, man.

Yeah.

Almost got his face blown off and came back. And it's unbelievable the amount of peace he has.

Yeah.

And the amount of joy because what he thought was like the end of his life or the end of his purpose became his purpose.

Right?

And he leaned into, how can I actually teach and serve from this place? Not from a victim mentality, but this happened to me. It's unfortunate. I almost lost my whole face.

Yeah.

Reconstructed it. And I think he got a shot a few other times. And he created a sign in his hospital room that essentially kind of made it, it went viral. That was like, if you enter this room, you must be positive, 100% positive, and have zero pity for me. It says something like this.

Yeah, yeah.

And he was just like, I'm not gonna be taking any pity from being a victim, saying it's gonna hold me back from living my life, building relationships with my family, being of service. And it's catapulted him because he's owned it, right? He owned what happened to him. He said, I'm gonna go out there and make a big impact. And it's a beautiful thing when someone owns the traumas or the tragedies that happen and they serve.

Yeah, bro.

By the way, Jason, if you hear this, I would love to have you on the show.

Oh, you gotta have mine.

It's great. He's friends with a lot of my friends. I just never met him in person. Yeah, he's great. Bro, I'm super excited for your book to get out there. Thanks, man. When does it actually come?

March 7th drops.

Okay, this is what it looks like.

For you guys on YouTube. We're doing YouTube now.

I love it, man. We just started. Oh, man, you should have done this years ago.

I know, bro.

Dude, just wait. It's gonna blow up for you. It's gonna blow up, man. Yeah, I, it's been cool so far. You know, it's still pretty slow. We're getting, we're getting shadow banned on YouTube for the cursing. So like they have green, yellow and.

Red, apparently, and I'm in the yellow.

So it's, you know, which is like, I thought we would be, I'm surprised about that. But they're, but these guys are working on getting that taken care of. YouTube promised me that if I, if I uploaded full episodes that they would make sure that didn't happen. So we're working on getting that taken care of. but it's been cool. I think it's giving people different ass, different. Like, I think it's different for people when they just listen versus when they watch.

Yeah, man. And you're gonna get a whole new audience. We've got almost, like, almost, I think, 2.6, 2.7 million subscribers on our main Channel.

Yeah.

On YouTube. On YouTube.

Yeah.

That's awesome. We got 100 million views last year on the main Channel, and we dub.

In Spanish, and we got 50 million.

Views on our Spanish Channel.

Yeah.

You're killing it. So you're gonna be able to Really impact more lives because people are to discover you on YouTube more.

Yeah.

And, it's just gonna expand your reach.

You know what I found too also on YouTube, which I think is really cool. And a shout out to everybody that watched on YouTube is that the comments that people make are much more real comments. Yeah, it's good. It's not trolling. It's like they actually give it. And I thought, I think the culture on YouTube is better. It is. Um, you know, Instagram is so trolly. It's just like so many bots and. Yeah, dude, it's just like they need to clean it up.

Yeah.

But anyhow, this is the book. And I think you guys, I got to skim through it for about 15 minutes before we started the show. I haven't read it yet. I am going to read it. It's gonna be my next book. I read on 75 hard. But the main thing that I want to make you guys understand is that Lewis understands what is going on. Okay. He's interviewed very well. Some of the greatest Minds that are alive right now. I mean, dude, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them. And I'm not saying thousands because I'm sure there were some Duds along the way.

Right, right.

But the reality was this dude understands, and he's done a lot of great things in. In his life, and I hope you guys support him by buying his book. And, bro, I appreciate you coming on, sharing today. Thanks, brother.

Thanks for having me, man.

Yeah, it's really good to see you, too. It's good to see you, brother. Yeah, it's been.

It's been a couple years.

Missed you, man.

Yeah.

I'm gonna give you a bigger bear.

Hug when we leave, too.

Yeah.

So anything you want to leave them with?

I just love that you are a big believer that every human being is a masterpiece waiting to come out. And I would leave people with that, you know, if there's something you feel like you haven't done yet or you haven't said yet or you haven't stepped up into yet, whether inside of you or outside of you, now's the time. I think your show is an amazing platform for for people to find meaning and create consistent discipline in their life. I just love seeing everyone who's doing 75 hard constantly. I still haven't done it fully myself. I gotta get the courage to complete that thing fully, but I love seeing other people transform their mind and their discipline from that. I'm a pretty disciplined guy in other ways, but I love seeing that being a catalyst for so many. And I would just encourage people to keep listening to you, watching you. If you're new to YouTube, make sure you subscribe. and share this out because I love this conversation. So lean into your masterpiece and be disciplined and consistent along the way.

I keep it real. Bro, I love you, man.

Love you too, man.

Thanks. Appreciate you coming on the show.

If you are ready to unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today and you want the tools and strategies to do that, then make sure to click this box right over here to get a new copy of my book, the Greatness Mindset. It's out right now. Again, click this box right here to get a copy of my book.