Nicky Jam on Struggling With Panic Attacks & PTSD “My Soul Was Dead!”

I know that God exists because I'm living proof. Because I remember that I told God on my knees, I said, God, please help me. And I felt that God told me, stop doing drugs and I'll give you everything back. He didn't give me everything back. He gave me 150,000 more.

14 number ones.

Nicky, Jim, Nikki, Jam. I started getting panic attacks, anxiety and stuff like that. She was somebody who goes to war, they get ptsd, right? So what's the difference from a guy that goes to the war, from a kid that sees the war from his house? We still have ptsd. Ain't nobody telling us we have ptsd.

We all have our own levels of trauma. I'm not comparing mine to yours or anything like that.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't say your trauma is less than mine. No. I didn't see my mom for more than 20 years. Something like that.

Wow.

She was in streaks. Most of the time that I try to do music was to see if I got famous enough for my mom to recognize me.

What happened with that, bro?

It's been so amazing. Last year was just a transformative, life changing event. Team Greatness is great.

My name is Lewis Howes. Thanks so much for being here. And before we dive into this special video today, I want to remind you about the Summit of Greatness, our annual conference happening this September in Los Angeles with David Goggins, Dr. Joe Dispenza, and many more incredible speakers and performers. There will be so many live attendees there that you can meet with, you can network with, and you can help transform your life. Make sure to click the link in the description to get your tickets. And I can't wait to see you at the Summit of Greatness here in Los Angeles. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring, the iconic Nicky Jam in the house. Good to see you, my man.

Likewise.

Very excited. I was telling you beforehand that I've been, believe it or not, as a gringo. I've been big into salsa dancing and Latin pop music for 15, 20 years. I've got a Mexican fiance. I love the Latin culture. I'm learning Spanish. But your Spanish is so quick when you're speaking. I'm like, I still don't understand what you're saying.

But yeah, especially a Puerto Rican Spanish.

Oh, man, you guys are fast.

And I'm, I'm one of like the, like the ones you could more understand because I lived in Colombia. They have the best Spanish. One of the best Spanish.

Yeah.

Around. So Colombia made me, like, you know, speak a little bit more clearly.

Clean.

Puerto Rico, we speak quicker.

You got a slang, too, man, that slang. I'm like, what are these words? But a couple fun facts. I don't know if some of these may not be fun, but one of them is, we're both Pisces.

Yes.

Born on March 17th. 17th on March 16th.

Oh, awesome. What a day before me. That's different. If we was hanging out, we could just celebrate in one day.

Exactly, exactly. Maybe we both have a love for Latin music. I'm a big salsa dancer, like I was telling you, and I love your music. So congratulations on making a big impact on the world. I think you have over half a dozen videos that have over a billion views. You're one of the biggest artists in the world, and you. You bring so much joy and love to so many people. So I want to acknowledge you for that.

I appreciate that.

Maybe not so much of a fun fact, but something in common. You went to jail for a while for drugs. My brother went to prison for four and a half years for selling drugs. And we have that kind of experience in common. I didn't experience it personally, but I went to a prison almost every weekend when I was younger to go visit my brother.

Your brother? Yeah.

And I know the impact that had on his life, our family's life, and my life by being associated with that. I'm curious. And you went through a few different phases in your life. You had success early on. Then you kind of hit rock bottom, which you talk about kind of sounds. I mean, big. You gained a ton of weight. You were in drugs. You almost overdosed. You had a lot of different challenges. Jail, getting caught up on the wrong activities. But then you had a massive bounce back. And I'm curious, what did the jail experience teach you about your mindset and what was possible after that experience? Because it sounded like, for me, from the research I've done, that you didn't think you could really come back from that, or you struggled in a big way. You gained a lot of weight. You were like, what's the point of life?

Yeah.

So how did you turn it around? Was there someone that supported you during that time? Was it something inside of you that said, I got to make something of my life? What was the process of getting out of the darkness and into the light?

I would say when you get in there and they close those, they close that. How do you call it?

The jail cell.

The jail cell, yeah. That sound is incredible. And automatically you think, like, You. You lost everything. You know, I'm very claustrophobic, so the. The space is very limited. And they gave me more years. Actually, they gave me six years, and I came out in three. Really? I guess. But I'm sorry. I guess. I guess they thought that I was a good guy and they needed to put, like, really bad, bad guys in there. They didn't have too much space, so that was a good thing for me.

Three years for you.

Three years? Yeah.

It's a long time, man.

It is. It is a long time. But the reality is I'm the type of guy, I was born and raised in a lot of problems. You know, like, my mom was a drug addict. My dad was a drug addict, had zombies in my house, literally. So for me, I wasn't raised in an environment where I go to jail and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm shocked. Nah, I was like, for me, it was normal.

It was like home.

It was normal. Yeah, it was home. It was normal. And it was something that I knew I was going to be there in any moment because I was a rebel. I didn't have my mom, you know, in my mentality. My mom, you know, she. She abandoned me. So I was a rebel. I wasn't scared of going to jail. I wasn't scared of dying or nothing like that. You say it was for drugs, but actually it was for attempted murder or I was out while I was in jail because of the lawyer. Things I can't really speak about. Sure, sure, you know, a lot of things. But it's. It's one of the. The worst thing that could happen to you as a human being. But at the same time, I always look to find positive moments and bad moments, you know, and I always, like, joke around, and I'm always joking, even if it's a bad moment. I joked around. I hope everybody that was in jail, I made jokes for them, I sang for them. I bullied a. In a good way.

Teasing people, picking out people.

I was always, you know, people always, like, if somebody had, like, you know, life in prison, like, yo, keep away from that guy. He don't. He don't like nobody. I mean, I understand why, but I was still joking around with the guy that had life in prison. That was just me, you know, I made my time constructive. I read the Bible. I did push ups. But, yes, my soul was dead. My soul was dead at the beginning. After that, I was, like, almost used to it, you know? So when they call my name and say, Nick Rivera, Nick Rivera, Caminero and they telling me that I. I'm ready to leave. I couldn't believe it because I knew I had more years coming by.

And so you got out on good behavior or got out early?

Good behavior. And like I said, they probably needed space for real, real bad guys in. And I could see that because the space was very limited in jail, but nothing I came out. And when you come out of jail, it's not only about dealing with. It's not coming out. It's dealing with everything you left behind, all the bad things you left behind before you went in there. So it's like it's a smack in the face. First of all, in three years, a lot of things changed. They had phones, had cameras. We didn't have that before. And in three years, a lot of ages, and apart from that, you know, dealing with all the problems that I left behind in. In.

You had to face those things.

And not only face that. Your career is on the floor. Nobody wants to mess with you. Nobody wants to record with you. I went to studios, people ignored me. I didn't have any songs going, doing good. I had nothing, obviously, because I was away. So when I come out, it wasn't like Tupac story that when he came out, everybody was waiting for him. And, you know, like, you know, like these rappers, when they go to jail, they in their prime. And I wasn't really in jail in my prime. When I got in jail, I was already going down as. As co in my career.

So how old were you then?

I was like 20 something years old. I don't really remember exactly the age. Like 23, 25, 24, something like that. I come out in 2006 and I realized it was going to be worse for me because I was still doing drugs inside of jail.

Probably more drugs in jail than outside of jail.

Yeah, of course. You have nothing to do with. You just do drugs. And I got drugs inside of jail. I was doing. And then I started doing perks more than ever.

Wow.

And I was doing 30 perks a day. So I was literally 30. Yeah. A day.

Man, your liver must have been just screaming at you.

I know, I know. I don't even know. I think my liver loves me because I've been giving him a lot of. Since I was 11 years old.

Wow.

So, yeah, I was taking 30 perks a day. And. And who. If you know about perks, That's. That's opium. That's. That's heroin.

Wow.

Literally heroin in the pill. And it was just embarrassments after embarrassments. It Was just crazy.

And you get out in 2004, 2005. Is that when you got out?

2006.

2006, you get out almost 18 years ago.

Yeah.

And when did you start to change your mindset? I mean, you had to face a lot of the stuff that you dealt with in the past. You had to, like, deal with people not wanting to work with you.

A lot of things, A lot of things happen after that because I go, I start trying to get my career back, but I. I ended up doing more drugs than ever and really messing up my career more and more. And a lot of things happened, you know, like stupid stuff. Like, I don't know, like I was in my. I was in my car and my car was under my sister's name. I paid for six months. I was already famous. And then the cops tried to stop me. Then he didn't have a sign, so I kept going. And then helicopters came. A whole bunch of cops came. They threw me against the car. They arrested me. It was embarrassing. The most embarrassment thing that happened. One of the most embarrassing thing that happens because imagine, imagine they arrest him in front of everybody.

All over the news, too, and.

Yeah, all the news. And we're jumping until. Remember, before I was in jail, I had a whole bunch of street problems already, you know what I'm saying? Like street things that I can't really talk about, but I did a lot of street things and I was involved in a lot of stupid stuff. So I went through hell before jail, and then I went through hell in jail. Then I went through hell after jail. But in 2008, I got a call. You know, after all these embarrassments, all these situations, I was overweight, I was a drug addict overweight.

You were a skinny drug addict. Yeah.

I wish I was a skinny drug addict. At least I could wear better clothes. But when you're overweight and you and drug addict, I think it's worse. Wow. For some reason, because I did perks. And when you, when you take pills, you eat, right? It's not like you take pills and, and, and you not. You don't get hungry, you eat. So I ate more than ever and I got big and I just all, All I was trying to do was take the pills and eat out of anxiety, you know?

And on a scale of 1 to 10 at that season of your life, that time in your life, 10 being you had a lot of love for yourself, one being you had zero love for yourself, where were you on that scale?

Love for myself.

Yeah. Like self love, self belief. Self confidence.

Oh, I can say two or one. Yeah, it was horrible. I didn't care. I mean, I looked. I was big, I was fat. I was horrible looking. I was. Had no confidence in myself, music wise, my career wise. I thought I was just an embarrassment. And you got a call. I had a call. I got a call in 2008, and somebody told me, somebody said, like, they wanted me to do a show in Columbia, and I'm over here. I didn't have shows. Like, I had to lie. Some. Some people will call me and say, if I could get these other singers, and I would be like, yeah, I'll get you these other singers. And. And. And then I'll get half of their money. Sure. And, like, the deposit and. And then I'll call them, say, you know what? They can't do it. They can't make it, but I'll do it. I'll do it for you for that half, and then I'll call cities next to those cities, states next to those states, and I'll. I'll make three people contract me that they didn't even want to contract me to do shows. I. I would trick people into, you know, booking me shows without wanting to. So I had to hustle my way. So I get this phone call in 2008, and the guy's like, we need Nicky jam for the June 18th. Something like that. And I said, yeah, let me get you my manager real quick, and I'll just change my voice. Like, yeah, yeah. What's the date? June. Oh, let me check the date. Let me see. That's the only date we have available.

I like it.

I. I go. I go to Colombia. Thinking in my mentality is like, okay, I'm overweight. I have no hit songs. What am I gonna do in Columbia? Why is these people, like, they. Are they. Are they booking me because they want to make me feel embarrassed? Like, they had, like, the. The. The headline of the singers were like. They were all killing the game, really. They were killing the thing. They were in their best moments. And I'm like, the only one that it doesn't have a hit.

So something from, like 10 years ago, maybe, or something.

Yeah, probably like seven, eight. It don't matter. Like, and then the music.

You were relevant.

You need to be relevant. It don't matter if it's two years ago unless you have the icon status that I have right now. But I didn't have that in those days. I. I go over there and I see that the show starts. It's all. It's a stadium. There's thousands of people. It's amazing. Everybody was crazy. There was people outside the hotel. Like, I was like, I didn't want to go out because I was embarrassed I had you. I was very insecure. When I get to the show, I get to the. To the. To the place where they make you wait. The waiting room. Green room area. Green room, whatever. Yeah, I'm noticing everybody's performing before me, and I'm talking to. I talked to the promoter. I'm like, yo, why you got me last? I don't even have a hit song. These people over here have hit songs. They should be the last ones. I should be the first one. I should open for them. And they're like, nah, you wrong, bro. People here waiting for you because you never been here when you was in your best moment. So obviously, because I was. I was locked away. So I'm like, wow, that's crazy. So I go on stage and I start performing my songs, and for them, they're classics. For me, they're old songs.

Right?

For them and their classics and standing ovation. It was just incredible. I killed the game. More than 40,000 people screaming, and they were crazy, and it was just amazing. They didn't care that I was overweight. Nothing. Nobody even mentioned my weight. In Puerto Rico, everybody mentioned my weight. Every day.

You're criticizing. Judged in your own country, but in another country, you're a hero.

It's normal. It happens. I understand, and I get it. But then I realized, I say, you know what? I'm gonna stay here, because I started doing shows that same week, and I was doing, like, three shows a day. Yeah, it wasn't a lot of money, but let's say it was $2,000 a show, and I made three shows a day. Three shows a day. Three shows on Friday, three shows a Saturday, three shows a Sunday. I was like, Bro, I'm making $10,000 a week here. And I started going home, and you.

Were getting appreciated and loved, and people wanted you.

Then people saying I was a legend. And, you know, I was like, I'm a fat legend. But okay, whatever you want to call me, I think to myself and I say, you know what? I'm moving to Colombia.

Wow.

I'm moving to this country. This country is showing me so much love. This country has given me to eat. It's giving me a job, and they appreciate me. And not only that, the country's so beautiful. The people are so beautiful. The way they treat people, the way they go out of their way to Help you, especially Medellin, Colombia. And I said, why am I going back to Puerto Rico? I mean, in Puerto Rico, I'm this old school rapper that sucks, that has drug problems and crime and stuff like that. And here I'm a legend that people love and appreciate. Obviously, I'm staying in Colombia, so I just moved to Colombia. Make the long story short, I go to Colombia. The first months that I go to Colombia, obviously I go party. I do all the crazy stuff you do there. First two or three months, you know, did drugs, went to the clubs, hang around with the girls. Everything that you would expect me to do in Colombia. But for some reason, I did so much drugs that something happened to me physically where I had a problem in my. I don't know if you call it motor system. You know, everything that your brain controls your body. So if you're gonna pick up this phone, your brain tells you, pick up the phone. I was having problems with that because of all the drugs I did. Not only in that moment, during my whole life.

Yeah, it's catching up to you in your brain.

It was catching up to me in my brain. Something was going on in my brain. So one day I had like a problem, like a motor system problem. And when something like that happens, it's just the scariest thing in the world. It's not like. It's not like you get overdose or something like that. It's your brain not working. So I went to a doctor. A doctor told me to. If I rather I should stop or I'm just gonna get a trump. How do you call that? When you get. When you. When you just get a.

Like paralysis or.

Like paralysis. Exactly. And that's a scary conversation, A very scary conversation. And he said that. And automatically my mentality was like, okay, I'm a stop. I called my dad and I stopped doing drugs. I got into a room for three days. And you know how it is when you break a drug, especially something with opium is like you. It's like you're cold, your body's. You're vomiting, you're dying, you're cold, you're warm, you're sweaty, you're cold. You're warm. Your back into your bones. Three days of that, three days of hell. And finally I get clean, obviously, that first week. And I started getting panic attacks. Started getting panic attacks and anxiety and stuff like that. So before, well, I did a song called Pieces and Me. I did this song, Pianzasami Pienzas and Me. Yeah, I did this song. I did the video with 500 that my boy gave me. When I did the video, when I did the song, for some reason, I was feeling worse. The panic attacks. And I moved into a farm in Columbia, far away. Farm in Colombia, very cheap. It was like 500. It was a beautiful. It looked like a mansion, I ain't gonna lie. But to get to that mansion, you had to go through. You know, when there's no. When there's no street, like, there's no street to navigate, you have to go on top of. So it was crazy. But for some reason, I just, you know, connected myself there. I was feeling better. Anxiety started getting better. I was alone, living there in that farm. I had a cow going through the window, eating my arepas. It was an experience. I felt good, you know, I was feeling better about myself. And I was there for six months. And my manager comes up. Well, he's my manager today. In that moment, he was trying to be my manager. I didn't want a manager because I had a lot of bad experiences with managers. And I go to. He comes to me and he tells me, nikki, bro, your song is a hit. I'm like, what the you talking about?

So the song you did with the buddy for 500 bucks, that song?

Yeah. It's only a year ago.

Oh, wow.

A year ago. I'm like, what do you mean? The Inside Me song? That song's been around for a year, bro. And that song's a radio. Rejected it. Nobody wanted to play it. Like, what are you talking about? He's like, bro, look on Instagram. Look on YouTube. So I went to YouTube. I had like more than 4 million views in those days. 4 million views for a song was amazing. Talking about 2011, that's viral. 2012, that was amazing. And it was just one city. The song was killing the game in one city. That's all I wanted. Cuz I knew if I had a hit in Medellin, Colombia, it was going to go national. Because Medellin was like the second capital of the. Of the. Of the country. So I go down to. I didn't believe it anyway, so I go down and I go. There's this radio station show, and I go perform. And when I'm performing, when I perform, I sing all my old songs like I always did in Colombia. And then people started screaming pieces and me piensas and me piensas and me. I'm like. And I look at a dj. I'm like, yo, play that song. You have the beat. He's like, I don't have the beat. But I have the song. You can just sing on top of the song. Like, let's go. He plays a song. When the beat comes out, the crowd goes. Thousands of people start screaming, and they go crazy and they start singing the song. Obviously, tears come out of my eyes because it's the first time I have a hit after, like, almost 10 years.

Wow.

To make the long story short, I remember my song went number one on the radio. And I'm telling you, I have Grammys. I have more than 16 billboards. I have American Billboards, I have hall of Fame billboards. I have every award you could imagine. I have them all. And nothing made me cry more than the number one song on the radio in just the city of Medellin in LA Mega. Because it was the first time I had success. I mean, I walked all around the street just crying because I couldn't believe I had something that was. People were liking. It was domino effect. After that, obviously, I lost weight. I lost more than probably £70. I was looking great. Awesome. And when I lost weight, automatically everything changed. Really, Everything. The way people looked at me, the way people talk to me. Like, the security I had to myself, too. At the same time, it was like. Because I know, no, this I ain't trying to like, but I know I'm a handsome man, you know, I know I have it. You know, I just. That way, if you don't take care of yourself, you can be the most handsome man you're going to look like. I think handsome people could be even look worse when they. When they don't take care of themselves, you know? So I. I started, you know, like, thinking, okay, this country has 65. More than 65 million people. If I do a number one national song, I could jump around other countries because this YouTube thing is. It's just what people respect. So.

And it's shareable.

This is where. This is where my business mentality automatically opened up. Okay, I'm not doing drugs anymore.

I'm clean and losing the weight.

I lost the weight because I already lost everything. I was skinny again. I was looking good. I has. You know, I had a. I was very secure about myself. But at the same time, I was thinking, because I know for a fact that if you have a lot of million, if you have a lot of views in those years, automatically other people, and still today, other countries are going to be like, yo, what did this guy have that he has all these views? So I didn't do one number one national hit in Colombia. I did five number one songs. National in Colombia. And I became one of the best singers in Colombia, not being Colombian, competing with J. Balvin. Wow. Being J. Bog. Being the guy that saw me take a cab trying to get it to show him and his Range Rover, you know, I'm saying. And I'm over here taking cabs and embarrassed and stuff like that. I came from that to going toe to toe with him in his own country. Wow. Being one of the biggest singers nationally in Colombia, not being port. Not being Colombian.

So has anyone else done that, Gone to Colombia, Another Latin singer or.

No, they have. They've had hits in Colombia, but not Be. Not. Not. They haven't been the number one wow. Singer in Colombia. You know what I'm saying? But, yeah, there's. There's. There's. I. I can't. No, actually, no, no, no. There's a lot of Puerto Ricans that have been having hits in Colombia, but none of them moved to Columbia.

Right, right, right. Mark Anthony moved there.

Yeah, Nobody. Not even Mark Anthony. Not even the reggaeton singers from my genre. And then from that, we went to. We. We went to, like, starting to try to work the U.S. you know, we knew that we needed to do something. Actually, the funny thing is a song before that, it was already a hit in Colombia. I went to this program called Ache Teve, and I went to Miami and tried to play the song for him. I went two times. I remember his office was in a. Like a. It was like in a safe, a bank safe. It looked. It was a big movie. I don't know. The guy looked like Al Capone in there. And I showed him my song. I went two times there. And the second time he's like, yo, bro, I'm just gonna be real with you. You're just too old. Wow. Okay.

I won't.

It's funny because I'm living in Colombia and I have all these hits already. I'm making all these views, and the guy thinks I'm old. I was like, no problem. I come out with a song called Boy Ave Ver, which has millions of views. Probably has a billion view already. I think it has a billion views already. I do this song, and it becomes one of the biggest hits in Colombia, and it starts being a hit in the States. But without the radio support, just YouTube.

Social media, Spotify, just people sharing it.

We didn't have Spotify in those days.

Oh, wow.

I'm one of the. If. If all my hits would have been in moments of Spotify. If you think I'm okay now, bro, it would have been a whole different ball game. I was one of the singers that got huge without Spotify, and then Spotify came. Hate that. But yes.

What do you think it was about these hits? Was it. Were you strategic in the. I have to make a great YouTube video, obviously a great song, but then the video needs to be something that's shareable.

First of all, it was just my moment. People loved the music that I was doing. I was doing really great music.

You were inspired.

Apart from that, it was the Instagram era when it started, and I was one of the first influencers in the Spanish movement. Nobody was doing that. I was doing videos, 15 minutes, 15.

Second videos back in the day, back.

In the days, and I was killing it. Wow. I was walking the streets of Medellin showing people when I bought my first car. After all the days that I was messed up, all my success, everything, everything. I was really working social media. And that combined with the really good music made people just go crazy about me because they saw the human part of me that they never saw. They didn't know. A lot of people saw, Heard Nikki J, but never knew who Nikki J was.

They just heard the music. They didn't know who you were.

They didn't know who I were. Because in those days, we didn't have that right platform. Today we have the platform.

And people also love a comeback. Oh, yeah, they love when someone's. They love watching someone crash, but then they love watching someone come back.

Oh, 100. 100. And yeah, they came from that, from that to making work in the States. I. There's a lot of parts of the story that, you know, there's too much. We'll probably be here until tomorrow. But I worked the States, and it came from having five number one hits in.

In the States. Okay.

To having five number one hits globally.

Wow.

In the world.

Come on.

Yeah. Globally. So. And from that, World cup movies in, In Hollywood with Will Smith, Vin Diesel, my series, my Netflix series. Oh, my God, I've done so much. I mean, I, I, I don't even know where to finish or start, to be honest with you. But I'm really grateful for what Columbia and my fans and the whole world have gave me. And, and I'm proud of myself too, because I, you know, I busted my.

Of course, man. Now I'm curious because you grew up in an environment that wasn't a rich mindset environment. It sounds like both your parents were involved in drugs. You didn't see your mom really at all or much. I think for a long Time.

Okay, so, so, so. So you understand the story. My dad. When my dad was. When I was nine years old, they caught my dad with 25 kilos of cocaine. An undercover cop that hanged out with us like he was our friends and the family and all that. So he goes to jail. He bails himself. Instead of going to jail, he takes us as a fugitive to Puerto Rico because he knew that my mom wasn't in. In. In. My mom left the house, and my mom wasn't in position to take care of us or nothing like that. We was going to be alone. So my dad just, you know, he just took the risk. And in those days, the system was not like today. Today you travel from the States to Puerto Rico. They're gonna catch you in the airport today. Back in the days, back in the early 90s, it wasn't really like that. So my dad takes us to Puerto Rico, and that's how we end up in Puerto Rico. You know, my dad, as a fugitive was, you know, taking care of us. And that's why I didn't see my mom for more than. How long? 20 years, something like that. I mean, just.

Did you talk to her at all on the phone or you. I lost my mom 20 years.

Yeah, she was a drug addict. She. She. She was in the streets. Yeah, she was in the streets. And then she. She had a problem where she stabbed this guy and they deported her to Dominican Republic. I didn't even know she was in Dominican Republic, so I didn't know where my mom was. Most of the time that I try to do music in, my comeback was to see if I was. If I got famous enough for my mom to recognize me and get to me.

What happened with that, with your mom?

It did happen, really. I did a show in Dominican Republic.

Come on.

You'll see it on the Netflix series. I did a show in Dominican Republic and my bodyguard told me, nikki, there's this lady outside, she's saying that she's your mom.

No way. And I'm like, you ain't seen her in 20 years.

Yeah. And I. I couldn't believe it. And I just went outside and she was arguing with the bouncers of the event. And then I called her, and then obviously we hugged and. And we had our moment.

Wow.

Yeah.

Holy cow.

Till this day, you know, we have. We have contact. We talk every day. I bought her a house. I, you know, I take care of her. I can't really see her as much because she lives in Dominican Republic because she got deported because of the situation. She can't come here. I'm fighting that. I'm trying to get the part in from. From United States so she could come back. I'd rather have her over here because it's hard to make. How do you say?

Connection.

A connection if she's not with me.

With you?

Yeah. Yeah.

What is that like? I mean, I can only imagine just the challenge of having a father, you know, doing drugs, your mom not really being around, or being in the streets and you guys having to leave her. I mean, how do you. I mean, it sounds like you didn't have a good foundation, mentally or emotionally on how to navigate the world.

No, I never did. Well, I have the street smart. Thanks. Thanks for that situation. You know, I'm saying thanks because of the situation of my mom and my dad. I have street smart, and that's something that you don't study anywhere. You know, I was raised in the streets on my own, literally. I've been singing since I'm 12 years old. So I was always in the streets trying to hustle, trying to make money and trying to do it, trying to make it, try to get there. And the big guys would take care of me from the streets, and all the guys from the hood would take care of me. And, you know, like, my father did a good job as a father, and I respect him. I love him so much, and I will always respect him because he did the impossible to take care of us and. But I have guys from the streets that I have to give credit to that were my father too, as well. Really? Yeah.

Who kind of helped raise you as well, because you were in, what, old town, San Juan. Is that where you kind of grew up?

Well, the reality is we lived everywhere in Puerto Rico, so we can't say. I can't say I'm from one spot. From Puerto Rico.

Yeah. Yeah.

Because when you're poor, you don't really have to stick to one spot. You know, like, you move around wherever it's easier, cheaper, or whatever. So, yeah, I live in pretty much all the big cities in. In. In Puerto Rico.

When did you start to, I guess, navigate the emotions of all the trauma? Because what I like about you and your story is it seems like you've been able to kind of break this generational trauma and do good in the world.

Yeah.

Whereas a lot of people would just keep traumatizing themselves or doing things that would harm others because they don't have the foundation.

The reality is, in the moments that I did street stuff and all the bad stuff that I did when I was a rebel and all stuff like that. If I ever did something bad, I did bad to bad people. You know, I'm not justific, I'm not, you know, justifying it. But the reality is that I never, I never did anything bad to somebody that was a good person because I'm a good person. You know, I never disrespected any person that, that, that, that, that was humble or a good person. It was nothing that, you know. So I'm really proud of myself as a human being because I've always been a good human being. Like the kid that I see is this 8 year old kid that would help all the ladies buy their groceries and, and bring their stuff and always smile. That's Nikki, that's my essence. That's just who I am. I'm a humble guy. I've always been like that. I just got crazy and I lost myself, you know, but even in those bad moments, I always saw myself as a good guy.

Really?

Yes. I didn't, I didn't have that mom and dad to take care of me the way they had to. And, and, and yes, that, that could probably, you know, take a toll when it comes to, you know, confronting the world. But at the same time I appreciate that because today I have so much street smart and, and it's because of that. It's because I'm a survivor, you know, and I learned so much in the streets. And being street smart is something that's very important. You know, I know a lot of people could say, oh, why would I want that? You want that. You don't know you want that until something happens to you.

Yeah.

You know, until something that you be like, well, if I had a little bit of street smart, I probably wouldn't fall into that situation. And thanks for that. I learned not only about bad situation, but I learned how to hustle my way into making business and being smart and just, you know, making things happen because I, I, the street gave me that, the street gave me that knowledge. And college doesn't even gives you that, you know, I mean no disrespect to people that go to college, but they should show people in college how to pay taxes and, and stuff like that and how to, you know, being the entrepreneur and make money and survive in this world. And I feel that it's just they show you too much stuff that you don't really need in the day to day. But that's a whole new conversation. We'll talk about that some other time.

Absolutely. Yeah.

But, yeah, they didn't show. I didn't have that foundation, as you say. But at the same time, the streets gave me that. The streets gave me that. They gave me something even bigger.

What about the biggest lesson your dad taught you growing up?

Be humble. Be humble. And. And. And my dad is one of the most humblest guys in the world and hits me hard, you know, because even in bad situations, my dad was the type of guy that if somebody needed something in their house or they needed help or they needed anything, my dad being broke, my dad, you know, being in a bad situation, he would go, and he will help them, you know? And that's something that I learned from him, you know? And that's. That's the human being that. I'm sorry, I guess, but that's the human being that I am, you know, it don't matter the money that I make or whatever I have. I'll help anybody, really. That's just the way I am out. And I learned that from him. He never gave me advice, you know what I'm saying? He just showed me how it is to be as a human being, and that's Nikki's essence, you know, I'm a humble guy. I don't know what you saw when I came inside, because sometimes you don't automatically feel it, but the energy I give people when I go to a place is I'm just a cool guy, you know, it's all love, you know what I'm saying? And, well, you see, when you. When I came in. When I came in with a big crew, I'm like. And you like, oh, that's a big crew. Like, they're gonna wait in the room. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But automatically. Automatically, my mentality is, I'm not here thinking I'm a superstar and I'm coming into your house doing whatever I want to do. I'm automatically letting you know, don't worry, I'll put my people on the side.

Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't worried. You probably didn't care, but for sure. But you saw my intentions. You saw my DNA, is that I am not the person that thinks he could do whatever he could do just because I'm famous or nothing like that. I'm just a humble human being. And. And. And my dad showed me that.

That's beautiful. How do you. I mean, how do you stay humble when you're one of the biggest Latin pop stars in the world and you have, you know, all a lot of money, businesses, success, followers, fame, you sell out arenas, 50 to 100,000 people at a time. How do you stay humble and the. And have the essence of little Nikki inside of you at all times when the world adores you?

I could say I stay humble because it's just part of my DNA. It's just. It's in my blood. I do not. If I have to. If I have to stop being a human being, a good human being to be a superstar, I'd rather stop being a superstar and be a good human being. Yeah, you know, it's.

That's cool.

There's something when Ecto Lavor said in Spanish, said is, es chevere sel grande, but el ma grande. El chevere. And the way you could say that in English is, it's good to be big, but it's bigger to be good. And that's something that I have in my head, you know, that's always that stuck in my head. And I'm the type of guy that when I leave a place, I want people to say, yo, he's a cool guy, bro. I like being with him. I enjoy. But I don't want to be the guy that leaves me. Like, he's right. He's a jerk. I don't want to be that guy. I don't like being that guy. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not happy of being that guy. I don't want to be the guy that comes to a place and brings a bad energy, or people be like, oh, my God. Or people just deals with me because I have the success or the money or the power or whatever you want to call it. I have. I want to be the guy that you really want to hang out with me. I want people that work for me, admire me, and not fear me because of the check and work because they admire what I'm doing, you know, and you show people the blueprint of how you should be. You know, a lot of people. A lot of people, it's not easy. It's not easy. But I think what helped me was falling at the same time and coming from a. Coming from the ground, you know, and if you see my background, automatically, you'll realize I was never a cocky guy. I was always the guy trying to help his sister eat. You know, I would go to Dunkin Donuts and wait in the back when they throw the donuts away, and I'll pick them up and I'll take them to my sister so she could eat. I would go pack groceries and make $20 a day so I could Buy ham, cheese, milk, Coca cola and cigarettes for my dad. I've always been the guy that, you know, helps people, and I'll get out of my way. And I know it's easy to say from the mouth. Whoever knows me knows that if I have cash in me, it's not mine, it's everybody's. You know, I'm the type of guy that there's a guy in the light, and even if he's going to take drugs, I'll give him a hundred dollars, I don't care. Because you'll probably get a heart attack in that sun, in that light. And I'm probably avoiding that, you know? And I know everybody be like, oh, that doesn't make any sense. Well, because it doesn't make any sense because of the world you live. You don't, you don't come from that. I came from that. I understand that situation. My mom came from that. My dad came from that. My uncle died from that. So it's just, you know, it's just who I am. Right.

What about your mom? What do you think is the biggest lesson that she taught you? From a memory that you have, either good or bad, or from her absence for so long? What is something that she taught you to do or not to do? Whether again, that she, that she said it or she embodied it that you witnessed?

I, I think, I think what I learned about my mom is just to, like, don't take for granted any, any time, you know, just be with your kids, man. Enjoy your kids the most you can, you know, the better you can. I'm not, I'm not gonna lie here and say I'm Mr. Father of the Year. I am not. I, I, I didn't, I wasn't raised like that. But I'm the type of guy that if my kids need me, they can get me anytime they want me, and I'm there for whatever they need. I am not Mr. What are you doing daughter or dad. Because I didn't have that right. I never had that. And my kids, if they see this interview, they know they're gonna say, he's real.

Yeah.

I do not, I am not that father.

But if they call you and they get it, they get a hold of.

You, whatever you need, I'll be there in a second. Whatever you need. I'm that type of dad. And I'm that type of dad. And I'm not saying that's the best type of dad. That's just, that's the dad that I am. Why? Because of the foundation that I had in my house, right? And I know my mom doesn't live the way she wants to live today, is not happy the way she should be just because she was. She wasn't there for me. So I learned that lesson. I'm not saying that she was. I'm not saying she was bad or good, because when I learn about her situation and what she went through, I understand it more and I forgive her.

You can have compassion for her 100%.

And hey, forgiveness is not for her, it's for me. Forgiveness is not for the other person. It's for yourself. And that's what I do, you know, I forgive and I'm happy that I do because I live better. I don't care. I have friends that. I have a friend here that I had a problem the other day. I had a problem with him four years ago. I hadn't talked to him four years ago, and he's hanging out with me this weekend, this week here in la. And we squashed the beef months ago. And the reason why we squashed the beef was because in my mentality, I don't feel good having problems with people. I just rather fix the problem. I feel better, I sleep better, and that's just the way I am. I have friends in my life. I will never forgive that guy what he did. You crazy, you know, with that macho mentality, bro, do whatever you want to do that makes you happy. I'm happy, forgiven. I'm happy for giving people doing bad. I don't care. You know why? Because it makes me a better human being. It makes me get all that weight off my shoulders and live a better day, you know?

That's beautiful, man. I've heard you mention a little bit about your faith in God in some interviews, written interviews, but I haven't heard you speak about it. Maybe I just haven't seen them. But when did you start to create a relationship with God, or what is your faith like today?

Well, the thing is, Puerto Ricans, we very, very Christians, you know, like, we believe in God a lot. We have a lot of, you know, we have a lot of faith in God and a lot of people in, you know, this world today, a lot of people do not think about God and care about God. I've realized that back in the days, there's a whole bunch of singers, Daddy, Yankee, Farruko, they're, They're in church right now, and they, they work, they're. They're worshiping God and they. And they giving the word, they spreading God's word. Around the world. And people are making fun of it like it's a joke. I come from an era where you couldn't even joke about that. So it's always been for me, God has always been, like, first for me. Even if I don't go to church, I have a very big connection with God.

Really.

I respect God, and I know that God exists because I'm living proof. Because I remember that I told God on my knees, I said, God, there's a whole bunch of talent out there, but none of them got the talent I have. Please, please. Helped me conquer back my career. And I felt that God told me, stop doing drugs and I'll give you everything back. Wow. He didn't give me everything back. He gave me 150,000 more. And if you saw where I came from and the hole that I was and what I went through and how my mom was in drugs and prostitution and my dad was a drug addict and I was a drug addict, and I was in jail at the same time that my dad was in jail because they caught my dad off that case that I told you the same time I went to jail. You can't be in a deeper hole than that. And then doing Hollywood movies and doing the World cup and owning businesses and having more than five number one hits globally. Come on. You think that's a coincidence? Wow.

So what was that conversation like? Or do you have a consistent conversation with God?

Yeah, if I tell you I pray, I'm a liar. I do not pray. I have add. And to pray, you really have to have patience. Yeah, I just talk to God.

What do you say?

Everything. I like God. I know I messed up. I'm sorry. I need your help here. I need you to help me with this. Tell me. Just guide me. Tell me what I have to do. I know that I'm messing up. Like, I have a conversation with God. Like, he's my friend. I don't have a. I don't sit down and pray because I know there's codes of praying. You can't just sit down and ask for stuff. You have to first, thank God for what you have. Then second, you have to ask for other people's petition, what they want, and then you talk about yourself. That's the right way. That's the Bible way to. To. I don't have patience for that.

Right. So you just have a conversation.

It's not that I'm selfish. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not selfish at all. It's just that I'm. I have add. Like, I'm Really. I'm the type of guy that. That I like. I could talk. If I talk to somebody, and the first minute is not interesting, you're gonna lose me. You're gonna lose me, and I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be zombie with you for a long time. And you're gonna talk, just talking. I'm not really gonna listen. That's just the way I am. I don't know. It's because it could be probably the genius part of me because of the music, because I'm always thinking about stuff, and my mind goes, $150,000. 150, 000 per hour, I said, making.

$150,000 an hour, too.

Yeah, I can make that too. I mean, we don't really need that. But yeah.

Yeah.

Reality. The reality of everything is.

So you made a pact with God, it sounds like, yeah, you made a pact. You made a promise.

You said, I made a promise. I ain't saying that I haven't broken my promise a whole bunch of times. I ain't saying that I'm perfect. I ain't saying that I'm not messing up. I still have my skeletons in the closet. I still have my. My. My problems from the past attacking me right now. Really saying, yeah, of course.

I mean, they're still coming after you.

They come back. Yeah.

Really?

They come back, man. I mean, come on, look.

What does that feel like?

I saw my mom do crack cocaine. I saw my mom do stuff that people normally don't. Don't see. I saw my dad do drugs.

You watched it as a kid?

I watched it as a kid. I saw people getting killed in my face in Puerto Rico, in the hood, like normally. Like every kid will see. And as a teenager, I saw a lot of people die. Best friends. I saw my best friend die in my face. See, when somebody goes to war, they get ptsd, right? And they get treatment for ptsd. The reality is there's no really treatment for PTSD because most of them, they stay messed up. They come from the war. Okay, so what's the difference from a guy that goes to the war, from a kid that sees the war from his house and sees what's going on in the streets and see his mom going where she goes through and all that. We still have ptsd. Ain't nobody telling us we have ptsd. Ain't nobody studying us. But of course, I saw the traumas that I have of the stuff that I seen. So, yeah, I could be clean a whole bunch of years, but I ain't saying that sometimes I have my alcohol days when I go crazy.

Yeah.

You know, I'm saying, like, till this day, I smoke weed because I need to deal with the anxiety.

You need a release. You need some calm. Yeah.

Because I have a lot of anxiety problems. I've been here sitting down. You can see I move my leg. I can't stop moving my leg.

I used to be like that a lot. Just constantly shaking my knees, constantly. Anxiety.

I always do trauma.

Yeah.

I always do that. I be. I move 24 hours, 24 hours a day. I can't stop. I have my. My girl says I have a motor up my.

Have you ever looked into ways to. To heal the trauma emotionally?

Well, I thought telling my story was going to help me in Netflix, and it helped me a little bit. But you still have those problems. You know, I don't think you ever heal it completely. I think you get better.

Yeah, I've been on a really, like a 12 year healing journey.

You bet. Yeah.

Yeah. I was sexually abused by a man when I was a kid. When I was five again, I went through that too. Yeah. You know, my brother was in prison. It wasn't like you, but it was. It was watching a hero of mine.

That'S not easy being there.

And, you know, the trauma of that, just parents going through stuff, all that thing. All those things. We all have our own levels of trauma. I'm not comparing mine to yours or.

But it doesn't. It doesn't.

It still affects you.

No, no, no, no, no, no. This is something that I tell people. A lot of people tell me that. No. Well, you know, after everything you went through, bro, I know people that their parents got divorced. They are more affected than what you saw, than what I've been through. So I can't. I can't say your trauma is less than mine.

Yeah.

No, I mean, bro, not everybody's. Everybody's built differently.

Absolutely. About 12 years ago, I started opening up about the sexual trauma and I started reintegrating a relationship with my younger self. You know, you have little Nicky. I've got little Louis. And I started having conversations with him. As kind of weird as that sounds. I started to build a relationship with the parts of me that were wounded and scared and insecure and traumatized for years and said, listen, as an adult, I'm going to be here for you. I'm going to give you that compassion, that grace, that love, and I'm going to protect you like I've got you now. I started to do that work, but opening up about it. For 25 years, no one knew that I was sexually abused because I was so afraid and ashamed.

No man wants to talk about that.

No, no one talks about it. And. But it started opening my heart more. I lived with so much anger and frustration and just wanted to dominate and just win at all costs. And I never wanted anyone to hurt me again. And so that would. That mask would come out in different scenarios. But as I started to heal that, it took many years and still a journey. I started to feel a sense of harmony and peace that I'd never had in my life. I never felt peace inside. Just always on edge, like, who's trying to get something from me? Who do I need to please? Constantly and constantly shaking my knees all day long. Constantly on edge, like, where's the attack?

I still do that.

Where's the attack? Even if I'm on my couch, where's the attack? Where's the tiger coming at me?

Right? Exactly.

And you opening up about it sounds like it started to support you. You know, you did the Netflix thing. Starting to support you. It's been a journey for me. I'm 12 years in. In the last four years, I've really delved deeper into having a coach support me healing all the different relationship dynamics.

12 years.

12 years of healing.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Journey. Like you said, it's not like, oh, I talked about it. I'm healed.

I did my Netflix. I did my Netflix thing. 2018. I still got so much, but people won't understand that.

Yeah, but I've. I've realized you can't just talk about it a little bit. And it's not about rehashing the past and talking about it, but it's about integrating the vision and the version of you that you want to start living today and mending and healing the past in the process. And when we can integrate the vision from the past to the present, we create harmonious freedom. And it's. It doesn't mean every day I'm, like, perfectly feeling peaceful, but it's a consistent practice. Just like the conversation you have with God on a consistent basis. It's a consistent conversation with self, higher self, God, and creating that forgiveness process like you talked about. So I really acknowledge you, Nikki, for starting to open up about it, because I know it's extremely hard to talk about. I know no one's got to understand but you, what you've been through. Some people can relate, but no one's going to understand fully the traumas that you've had 100%. And I acknowledge you for, you know, it's the amount of pressure and the weight that you've probably had to carry from the past. Skeletons and things you're still carrying, things you're still scaring, that you haven't told anyone and maybe you never will, while also trying to be an artist and be on stage and, you know, be of service to your team and your family and your friends and your communities. The pressure and the weight. I acknowledge you for being in the process of the journey. I know it's not perfect. I know you make mistakes. I know you're, you know, you've got stuff you've got to do.

I'll make them every day. I'm gonna make them tomorrow, too.

Exactly. But the journey you're on, I think is beautiful. And I don't think a lot of people in your position, specific in the Latin communities open up and talk about this stuff.

No, no, no, no. Especially. Especially the. What you were saying about sexually abused. Those are things that people from my music industry.

You want to talk about that?

Being a thug and a rapper, you know, people don't. They don't open up about stuff like that. So. But I. I've. I've. I've always been known as the guy that just talks about everything, and I use everybody as therapy. I'm using you as therapy right now. I use my friends when I play basketball after I finish, and I tell them all my problems, and they sit down and I tell them in a funny way. But at the same time, I'm releasing. So that's why, you know, I make it through. I make it through the days. And, you know, I have these days where I have anxiety and I. And a lot of things go and, you know, depression and stuff like that. And I have 16 days where I'm just smiling and laughing and having fun. So, hey, man, it's better. It gets better and better. I am not here saying, oh, I live a sad life. No, I live a beautiful life. I'm happy. I have beautiful kids, beautiful friends, beautiful girl. And I enjoy life. You know, I enjoy life to the fullest. But I have my black moments, too.

Sure.

Dark moments, too. And I just. That's. That's being a human being. That's just what it is. But, you know, my past hasn't been easy, so I deal with a little bit more. You know, I deal with a little bit more weight. Hey, hey, hey. There's some people that have worse than me. You know, there's people having worse than Me and they still living, you know? Yeah, some people can't eat, some people don't have legs, some people don't have arms, Some people don't have. They lost their parents. Some people that's. This guy said this guy was sad. Well, there's this saying about this guy that was sad because he didn't have any shoes. And then he saw the guy that didn't have feet. Then it's like, you know, it's like you, you say like you always. There's always somebody that lives a worse situation than you. So be grateful. Be grateful. What you got?

I mean, you've seen extreme poverty of, you know, my fiance, I was telling you, she's from Mexico. I visit, I visit Mexico City a lot. And even in the nicest parts of Mexico City, you'll see it. You know, I'm always reminded when I see a 7 year old girl walking up, just trying to get 5 pesos to sell a little bit of gum and just day by day.

Yeah, I see that in Colombia, for.

Her parents, Puerto Rico, everywhere. I mean in L. A too, there's homeless people everywhere. It's like there are people and there are kids that don't have much. And we are blessed. Even with the problems, the challenges, the traumas that we've experienced, we are blessed and there's a lot to be grateful for.

We are. We are.

I'm curious. Do you, do you ever think about, do you ever visualize and think about what you want to manifest in the future? Do you, do you put thoughts out in the universe and the world and say, I want to manifest this, I want to create this? And do you ever look at the world that way or is it more of, I'm just speaking to God and I'm going after my goals, but you're not visualizing as much?

I don't really have a goal as how I want people to see me. I know the reality is that people gonna value me way more when I'm not in this world. And I know that's just the way it is.

They'll value you more when you're gone.

Yeah.

Why do you think that is?

It's just the way it is. Especially with artists and people that's done what I've done and been living where I live. And I know because I know this for a fact, because I've seen a whole bunch of rappers that haven't even done one little part of what I've done. And they die and then everybody, then they're relevant, then they're Relevant. And then. I'm not saying I'm not relevant. I'm talking about. But it's not about being relevant.

But your impact is huge right now.

Yeah, but it's not about that. It's about the message of your life getting to people. People really valuing what you've done in life and what you've been through in life. People do it because of the Netflix thing and stuff like that. Because I was smart enough to like, do it now instead of wait for somebody to do it when I wasn't. But the reality is that's just the way it is. I know for a fact is the way it is. I'm telling you, when people see everything I went through my whole life and I'm not here, people are going to. Really?

Yeah, But I feel like people, you know, see you, respect you.

I think. I think. I think it's going to be way more. Wow.

Wow.

I think it's going to be way more. And I don't see that. People do not respect me. I. They do respect me. They love me. They have way respect for me and love. And I have loyal fans and I'm very grateful for everybody and grateful for the fans and everything, but I know for a fact that that's just the way it is. It's just crazy. Life is crazy.

I mean, you. You have a new album that kind of talks about some of this, some through lines through some of this. Can you share what this is about and what you're excited about?

Well, the album was called Insomnia.

Insomnia.

Well, in Spanish is Insomnia. It's talking about everything. This album talks about everything I've been through these last two years. You know, I went through. I've been through a lot these last two years. Alcohol, a lot of partying, a lot of problems with my relationships and stuff like that. And I. I have a problem with insomnia. I don't sleep.

You don't sleep much, right?

I don't sleep much. And when I listened to this album, I put together the album and I listened to every lyrics, every lyric and everything that I did to this album. I realized I need to put a name that reflects this. And automatically I was in the plane and I said insomnia. Every song is at nighttime. Every song talks about 3am This, I haven't slept because of this, or I'm in my Cyber truck at 5 o' clock in the morning. Or, you know, like every song has takes, even the nice songs that has an upbeat type of vibe, takes place at early dawn, you know what I'm saying? So automatically in my mind, I said insomnia. So I have this new song coming out called Insomnia. It's like a merengue type of vibe. Urban merengue. It's really insane. It's a. You're gonna love me. It's really crazy. It's a sad song, but it's an upbeat song.

Insomnia.

Insomnia. So when you listen to the song, you don't even realize it's a sad song. You're gonna enjoy the song, you're gonna dance, and you're gonna have fun with the song. The lyrics are sad, but the lyrics. What it says is it's like a sad song. And that's what Nikki's known of, because I did El Peldongo, Enrique Lesias. And if you listen to that song, it's a really. It's a sad song, but it's an upbeat song.

It is.

And so when you listen to Up. If you make a sad song to an upbeat song, that's Nikki's DNA. That's what I do.

Interesting.

Yeah. And it's just.

Why do you like doing that? Making a sad song to an upbeat vibe?

It's just my. Just my way of working. It's just the way I am. I think everybody has their own color, you know? And that's the genius part about my music. You know, if you.

It's a very. It's a contrast. Sit down and pay attention.

If you pay attention. If I would just. If I would sing this song. Actually, I do these songs in different beats, in slow, sad beats. And then.

And then you bring them back.

I make them faster. And then I. Upbeat. I. I make it an upbeat type of vibe, and I make the tempo quicker. And then you'd be like, oh, my God, bro. I would have never thought this was a sad song. That's just a way of me working.

Yeah. Because when I think of, like, a sad song and like a Spanish song, like a Mexican. Spanish singer would be like, what's the guy's name? The guy who passed away long Guardian in the last couple years. Fernando.

Fernando Vicente. Fernando.

Yes. Yeah. I mean, he. But he would have these, like, romantic.

But even if he had slower temp.

Like, slower.

You can make that. You can make that happy. It's all. It's all about the beat.

It is.

You know what I'm saying? Because if I tell you I'm dying, I don't want to live anymore, and then you go, I'm dying. I Don't want to live anymore. You forget he's saying anything.

Oh, yeah, let's go, baby.

You know what I'm saying? If you make the song an upbeat song, automatically you forget it's a sad song. That's just my way. You know what I'm saying? Music is crazy. You could say even the worst thing, like something like very bad to a girl, but if you say it in upbeat and you make it sound nice.

She'S gonna like it.

If you sing it, she's gonna like it.

What do you think if you could reflect on all the music that you've written and you sung? Just something that speaks to your heart right now? Maybe this isn't the. The ultimate lyric for you, but what's one sentence or one line in a song that you've written that speaks to your life right now? Whether it be in a new album, your first song, any of the songs you've worked on. What's a. A sentence within one of your songs that speaks to you right now?

Man, you always. Why you guys always got to come with these punchlines? You got to make me think. Because right now, that's what I like. A song that I. A song that. That represents me right now, right now has to be insomnia.

What's. What's a line within the song that speaks to you? Then translate that in English.

I used to hate alcohol. Now I don't stop drinking. I do it to hide the pain that you can't see. A simple eye. The reason why I did these lines is because there's been a lot of controversy about me drinking and hanging out and partying, stuff like that, after me stopping drugs 10 years before, and people thinking that because, you know, people don't understand my drug problem was not alcohol, was perks and cocaine and stuff like that. So, yeah, that. That sentence right there.

Wow, there's a. I love this. I can't remember if it was. I think it was the Oscars acceptance speech from Matthew McConaughey when he won the Oscars years ago. He talked about his hero that he was chasing, which is himself 10 years in the future. He was like, I'm always chasing my hero. Who is me, 10 years in the future.

Yeah, I heard that one.

And I really like that concept of kind of imagining your future self. And what does your future self look like? If you could see yourself 10 years from now, Nikki, in 10 years, and it could be the ultimate version of you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, you know, lyrically, musically, financially, whatever it is, relationally, what do you see for yourself as that person in 10 years that you would love to be able to get to?

I would like to really, I can say, just be behind the scenes and work with new singers. Really. I enjoy the music industry. I enjoy the creative part. I would love to be the guy that, you know, I already have some artists and stuff like that, but I want to, like, really focus into that and, you know, just always be in the music scene. You know, I just like music. It's. It's. It's my life. It's my passion. So just to be, like a manager, producer, and, you know, and create and have. Being part of one of the biggest singers in the world in that moment, in 10 years from now, for me, that's awesome, you know, because it's just something that I want. Apart from that, I just want peace. I want peace. I want. I want to live. Okay. I want to have health. I want to be happy. And nobody's 100% happy, but at least anything close to 180, 90. Yeah.

What do you think would allow you to create more peace in your life?

Allow me to have more peace in my life?

It's called the school. It's called the school of greatness, not the school of Average Nikki. So that's why I'm bringing these questions for you.

The thing is, you really want that answer? That answer is really. This is a strong answer. Be honest with you. I have to retire.

Really?

Yeah.

From music.

There's no peace. There's no peace in. In the music industry, being on the.

Road constantly creating kids.

There's no peace, really. I have to retire. I'm not doing it now, though.

Right? You're in your prime.

I need that piece right now. I need the other piece. Nah, but I. I ain't retiring right now, but I know. Retiring and just relaxing and enjoying life and not worrying about making more money and making more money and making businesses and stuff like that. There's no peace in there.

Yeah.

Peace is not caring about anything anymore. Okay, analyze this. Who has peace? Old people. Oh, they're 60, 70 years old. They don't care about nothing.

They let go of their possessions.

You're stressing about stuff. I know you are. I don't know what it is, but you probably stressing about stuff. I'm stressing about stuff. 90 of the people in this. In this room, outside, are stressing about stuff. I don't think old people have that situation. No. You know why? They retired?

Yeah.

They chilling. They're relaxing.

They might have regrets, but they're not.

Stressing about, but you're not gonna. You're not gonna have peace. When you're grinding, there's no. When you're hustling, there's no peace. There's going to be a little bit of happiness, but there's no peace. That's a lie, bro. There's no way you can have peace because you're always trying to get something more. And then how come you have peace when you're stressing about getting more and more, you know? So that answer that I'm giving you, I know it's not the one people want to hear, but that's just me. That's right. I'm an honest guy for sure.

I've got a few more questions for you. Nikki, this has been awesome. I'm really grateful for your time. And before I ask them, I want to make sure people check out insomnia, right? So insomnia. I want to make sure they check out the new album. You got a lot of content on social media everywhere, so people can follow you on Instagram. I don't know if that's the main place.

Instagram is Nicky Jam. Yeah. TikTok is Nicky Jam everywhere you're at.

So follow you, check out your stuff. You're on tour right now also. You're doing shows.

I'm gonna start. Yeah, I do shows, but I'm gonna start doing my tour, the US Tour, soon.

And so people can go. Where can they go to get tickets for the tour as well or the shows that you're doing right now?

You go to Nikkijam.com and they'll see. They'll find everything.

Everything. Okay, cool. How else can we be of service and support for you today? Before I get into the last final questions.

Just. Just being here and, you know, making this interview and having people listening to what we talk about and. And. And. And really thinking about what I'm saying and taking it as a constructive way. I'm cool with that.

That's beautiful, man. What do you think will be the biggest fear that you'll face either now or in the future, as you're trying to continue over these next 10 years within your career and. And building what you're building? Do you have any fears in the process?

The fear I have is to having a. Not having health. You know, really, it's the only thing that scares me. I mean, everything else I'm not really scared about. You know, it's not having health. Health is everything.

Yeah.

If you have health, you could. If you have health, you could be rich if you got health, you could deal with any situation. Health is everything. Yeah. That's all I want. I want to have my connection with God and have health. The best health I could have. Yeah. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I don't do things right for my health to be okay. But hey, we're human beings, you know, we're learning every day.

I've heard many times from different people that health is wealth and inner peace is the new rich.

Yes, sir, I agree with that 100%.

Yeah. There's a question I ask everyone towards the end. It's called the three truths question. It's a hypothetical question and a scenario. So I'd like you to imagine for a moment.

Do I need to have a huge IQ to.

No, no, no. You just need to have an imagination. And I'd like for you to imagine, Nikki, that you get to live as long as you want in this world.

Okay.

And you get to accomplish and create everything. Anything financially, physically, you know, businesses you're managing, the biggest artists, whatever you want to do, it all happens. But for whatever reason, it's your last day on earth, many years away. And in this last day, you have to take everything with you that you've created this conversation. All your music is gone. Anything you ever make, for whatever reason, it's hypothetical scenario, it's gone. Let's just hypothetically, and on the last day, you get to leave behind your three lessons. Everything you've learned from your life, from all the music you've created and all the work and the health and the problems and things you've overcome, you get to share only three things, and that's all we have within your content to remember you. Let's just hypothetically, what would you say would be those three lessons you would share with the world? I like to call it three truths. What would those be that you think we.

Lessons that I would like to leave.

The world, share with the world. Yeah. And that's all I need. Yeah. And that's all they would have to, you know, they wouldn't have your music.

Words.

Yeah, Any words or lessons or. They could be lyrics. They could be that you think if this is all you could leave behind, what would be those three lessons for people?

I would love to leave behind all the funny moments in my life because it shows people how to smile always and enjoy life no matter what. Yeah. That's one of the things you said. I can't include music.

All your content is gone. But you get to share, you know, a lesson.

I would like to share my traumas and how I surpassed them in many ways. That's one of the. That's the second one. And. I would say I would like to share. My humbleness, The human part of me that means that makes my essence.

That's beautiful. I've got one final question, Nikki. Before I do, I want to acknowledge you for a moment. I want to acknowledge you for the evolution of you again. This is the first time we've met. I've only seen your stuff online. I see the creative genius in you through your music and your work and your content. This is the first time we've met. And I've heard good things about you from other people that I know who know you. And I want to acknowledge you for being here today through all the traumas and the troubles you've been through. I want to acknowledge you for taking care of little Nikki inside of you. And I know it's a beginning journey that you're going on with. With being there for him and all the stuff that he was neglected. And I want to acknowledge you for being honest and open with people in this conversation, but in everything you do. Because I think people look at you and they look at people like you and think that you don't have any problems because you're. You're famous, you're successful, you've got money, and everyone wants that. But there's a lot of, you know, complexities behind the scenes within you. And I just want to acknowledge you for being on the journey and acknowledging your humanity, your imperfections and the things you're working on. And my hope for you, if you don't mind me speaking into it, is that you do find peace in the process and you don't have to wait till you retire. My hope for you is that in your conversations with God, you find a deeper sense of peace.

Amen.

And a deeper sense of love. And you heal everything that you need to heal. Because I believe when you keep doing that with yourself, you're going to transform the world in a bigger way that you're not even. You're not even scratching the surface on how you're able to transform the world and help heal others through your art and your music, when you continue to do that for you. So take or leave that. I just wanted to acknowledge you for the journey, and I see incredible things in you for the future. So if I can support, hopefully I can come watch a show one day.

And you can. And I can't wait.

Bring my lady and we'll have some fun. But I have my my final question, Nikki. What is your definition of greatness?

Greatness is humbleness. Greatness is falling, losing everything and getting up, cleaning your shoulders and getting back again. Greatness is smiling even if you have the worst moments in life. Greatness is helping other people and having fun while you do it and smiling while you do it. Greatness is being wrong and then realizing that you could be wrong and then make it right. That's for me, that's what I think.

Venus, is my habits of coping that maybe I'm scared of changing. Maybe it's the like from heartbreak or from loss or from stress. I think it's just in general, like there's certain things, the ticks I do or the ways that I handle my stress and emotions or the ways that if I the ways that what if I find out, oh, there's a way better way of handling this than drinking.