Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

Relationship Expert & Psychodynamic Therapist on How Many People Feel ALONE in Their Relationship...

31 Dec 2023 · 1 min

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In this brief talk, the speaker argues that a majority of people in modern relationships experience loneliness because contemporary culture places the full spectrum of social, emotional, and cognitive needs onto a single partner. When a partner cannot meet every need, feelings of isolation arise. The speaker cites relationship therapist Esther Perel, noting that historically communities distributed these needs among many members, reducing the tendency to blame a partner for loneliness. The core message is that re‑integrating community support can alleviate the sense of aloneness within intimate relationships.

Chapters

How many people in relationships feel alone in the relationship? I would say particularly in the cultures where we live now, I think majority of them feel alone. And the reason being is, and Esther Perel really highlights this well, is that we've got all of our needs, like our social, emotional, cognitive, all of this, we're putting it all on one person. And when they can't fill all those needs, we start to feel alone. But as before, we would have a community which spread all of those needs across different people. And as a result, we wouldn't blame our partner for our lonely kind of experiences.