This content was created by Lewis Howes. This content was uploaded by Lewis Howes. This is a YouTube video titled "Stop Dating Your TRAUMA" featuring a conversation between Lewis Howes and Nicole LePera. The discussion, recorded on October 26, 2025, explores the dynamics of relationships formed from psychological wounds and the importance of healing within relationships.
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What happens when you seduce a man from a wounded place or a man seduces a woman from a wounded place? What happens to that relationship?
So there is a theory that we attract somebody who is at our level.
Of emotional development or based on our psychological wounds. Dr. Tara Swart would say, yeah, you attract based on your psychological wound.
Totally. And so as much healing as I've done, I'm going to scan the room and probably be attracted to the person who's done just as much healing and is on in about my stage of development. I mean, because what would happen when that. I dated a fantastic. One of my best boyfriends. He was amazing. I was bored out of my mind. I was bored out of my mind and ended up breaking up with him for no reason other than I just couldn't name it. But it just didn't, like, make me feel alive. I had no idea what healthy love felt like or looked like.
Like, healthy love is a little. It can feel a little boring at times in some way. It's not supposed to be like this firework.
That's. That's. I had to learn that, though. I had to learn what?
It would feel peaceful.
Exactly. I wouldn't actually call it boring. I would feel calm, peaceful.
Not boring.
Yeah. Yeah, but that's how it felt in my system, 100%. And so what would I do? I would scan for attraction. It's not like I knew out of the gate that's who I was going for. So what happens when someone wounded attracts someone wounded? Well, guess what? We're going to hit against each other's wounds. Now, I want to say this because I think this is. I think this is important. Okay. We don't nest. It's almost impossible to go into a relationship fully healed. Of course, my perspective is we do most of our healing inside of relationships. It's going to be harder to do that healing. When two people come from trauma, when even one of you comes from trauma, it's gonna be harder. It's gonna be more volatile. It's gonna take more work.
You both need to be committed to saying, I wanna grow.
That is, to me, the number one thing to look for. And it's not just someone who wants to do it, but who can, who's.
Willing and will do it and will do it.
And so you watch behavior change over time. Because we're all fallible human beings. Not. You know, we're.
You're not perfect yet.
Wouldn't you imagine that I am after all this? Just talk to my wife. She's deferred.
