The 3 Worst Financial Habits That Keep You Poor! w/ Dean Graziosi

It all boils down to money. I don't care what anybody says. You have the money. You're in control of your decisions. You're in control of your calendar. But I want to tell you for me, the biggest game changer is the day the hand came off my throat of money.

Real estate guru, king of the infomercial.

A best-selling author and heat performance expert.

Today we're here with the wonderful Dean Graziosi. Dean Graziosi.

Dean Graziosi in the house. My man. You have a deep belief that people with money are greedy. You will be so conflicted, it'll never work. It'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy because every time you you'll see a glimpse of success, you'll self-sabotage because if you get money, then you're a greedy capitalist bastard. How would you feel knowing that you're not leaving entitled children, but no matter where the world goes, your children are gonna be safe?

Yeah.

What is that? On a scale of one to ten, what is that? 10. It's a 200, right? Yeah. And we lived in a trailer park for three years and we got evicted from that trailer park and she tried, I could get emotional, I haven't.

That's why I love interviewing with you.

You make me, 'cause I care about you so much. I wanna go back to feelings.

I feel like the stuff you shared today, I've never heard you share. I haven't.

This is not on any other place, anywhere. I know.

What would you say are the three biggest money lessons you've learned from Tony Robbins in being his business partner, one of his close friends?

What are three lessons you've learned from him? I've never been asked this question before. I've never shared this answer. I would say...

Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have my dear friend, Dean Graziosi, in the house.

Good to see you.

Good to see you, man. Welcome back. Oh man, it's, it's so, I'm so glad you're here because you have been leading in the entrepreneurial money mindset space for probably two, two and a half decades. You've been in multiple different industries from real estate to online education to coaching and a lot of different things that you've done you, and you coach a lot of top leaders. A lot of people don't notice about you that you are the one texting me and other people in the industry who are trying to figure out how to get their business or brand to the next level in an authentic organic and an aligned way was true and authentic to them. So I'm excited that you're here. And one of the things that I think a lot of people are struggling with lately is money trauma and money wounds. And I wanted to ask you about this because you are the guy who wrote the book about, you know, the mindset of millionaires, the success habits of millionaires. And I'm curious, did you ever have any money wounds or memories that caused you to be anxious or avoidant or scarce around money in maybe your early 20s from childhood. And if so, what were those kind of money wounds that made you driven to succeed financially? And were you ever able to overcome the money wounds or traumas around money, the ideas around money that maybe made you feel anxious or feel like I'm not enough or if I don't have more money, did you ever have any of that happen for you?

Yeah, you know, great, great question. First off, it's always great to be back with you, man. I appreciate it. I love watching what you're doing. I love the impact you're making. We don't get a chance to see each other as much as I'd like, but I'm always cheering you on. Thank you. Because I'm watching your innovation. I'm watching your growth as a man. I'm watching the impact that you're making. And by you working on you so much, you might not realize how it transcends to the people watching. I feel different watching you this year than last year. I loved last year and I loved five years ago. I just told my daughter, the first one I did was with my daughter. She's gonna be 18.

She was like 12 or 13 when she gave me that.

Yeah, she's gonna be 18. So, money wounds. You know what I'd love, because I really want to specify this and I want to answer this question, right? You get the opportunity to see so many comments that come back, especially around money. When you say a money wound, maybe an example of one you've had or you think some of your followers, some of your tribe might have. I have my own and I'm going to share, but I'd love even more detail on that.

I guess, you know, when people when I think about money wounds, it's kind of like, how did you grow up? I remember growing up not not knowing what money meant and feel like we didn't have enough at certain stages. And so I felt like, okay, I'm confused about money. I don't understand money. I don't know where it comes from. I don't have the skill sets to make money. How do I even manage it when I have it? How do I not blow it? All these different things. And I used to have kind of an anxiety around money.

Yeah, I get it.

I didn't feel like I had enough.

Well, I agree totally. There was a time I said, imagine if you and money, like you were at a therapist, and I said this on stage just randomly once, so it just triggered, you're at a therapist, your therapist is in the middle, money is on one couch and you're on the other. Uh-huh. and your conversation is, I don't want to need you. I don't want to be obsessed with you. I don't want to be greedy by having you. I don't want to feel like I'm being a big shot by having you. But I want to live into my full potential. I want to be a better parent. I want to contribute more to this cause that I have. You know, I heard somebody say once, people who say money doesn't solve problems means they haven't given enough away. Right? Or they have, money's not happiness. It's like you haven't given enough away. So you have this, could you imagine a therapist say, wait a minute, let me see. So you're saying you don't want, you want to break up, you don't want to be connected, you don't want to have an association, but you want all the things that the money's byproducts bring.

Because what is it that people really want when they say they want, they don't want the money, but they want what?

The byproduct, right? I mean, you asked me my money wounds, all I know is my wounds were probably a little different. I was driven to want to make more money. And I had one sole purpose to take care of my mother. That was my whole sole purpose. My parents split when I was three. My mother had made a string of bad marriages. My mother was married five times. She is the sweetest woman you will ever meet in your life. Just made bad decisions with men. And every time it was horrific. And every time she'd work three jobs, she'd cut hair, paint houses, clean houses, do whatever it took to just, she'd come home at nine o'clock at night with her hands tired, My sister and I, when we were eight and 12, were doing the laundry, making dinner, not poor us. We couldn't wait to do it for her because she'd come home and we lived in a trailer park for three years and we got evicted from that trailer park and she tried, I could get a motion, I haven't. That's why I love interviewing with you. You make me, 'cause I care about you so much, I wanna go back to feelings. But I remember this poor woman, I remember she had a 1972, that's how old I am, Chevy Impala, and the back window got knocked out. and she couldn't replace it for like a year. You know, and you know, it's like you grew up in Ohio, grew up in Upstate New York, going to school was freezing. There was a piece of plastic that was flopping, right? But my whole point is my whole emotion around money was I need to make it to retire that woman. Like if I think back my earliest thing, I didn't understand where money came from. I didn't understand how to make it. I didn't understand the value. I just knew I had to do something different. My father struggled financially. My mother was struggling financially and I did become obsessed with generating more money, but there was a deeper purpose. I retired my mom when I was 24 years old. I've been giving her a check. She's gonna be 80 this year. I've been giving her a check every week since I was 24 years old. I had my dad since I was 27. Right? And so what I'd say around money is we are in this weird time in history. I think we can agree. It doesn't matter what side of the political arena, life arena you're on. It's like if in today's world, it's hard for people to have conversations that don't agree, right? And money sometimes gets tossed in the middle, right? Capitalism is bad, making money is bad. When simultaneously it's the thing that cures hunger, it cures illness, it cures disease, it helps religions, it helps you retire your parents, it helps you put money away for your children. So someday I don't know where the world's gonna go. I hope you have children someday. It's a goal of mine. The day you have a child, I'm gonna, I hope I'm one of the first people you call if you decide to do it. I hope I'm one of the first people you call if you decide to do it. Because you are gonna be the most amazing father. I mean that with all of my heart. I'm on four. If it's up to my wife, we'll probably have another, right? So, but how would you feel, no matter what money meant to you at one point in your life, how would you feel knowing that you're not leaving entitled children, but no matter where the world goes, your children are gonna be safe. What is that? On a scale of one to ten, what is that?

10.

It's a 200, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Right? Helping out family members. So I think, I hope I was clear to say, don't look at money for money's sake that it's just capitalism, it's just greed. I just want the extra car, the $200,000 watch. Your audience, you watching, if you watch Lewis Howes, that's not who you are, but money's byproduct. Oh my god, and I want to share something. that I did not see coming. Money did something different for me than anything I've ever imagined. Yes, I retired my parents. Yes, I feel like my kids are gonna be safe no matter what. Yes, I get to do things. I provide about 25 million meals so far through Feeding America. We've saved children from slavery. We've built churches and schools in Africa. We do stuff all the time. We just did something amazing last week out of the blue, right? We get to do those cool things. I get to employ hundreds of people, right, who have kids and families and all that stuff. So all those things have a positive impact on the world. But I'll tell you the one thing, when you don't have money, you don't realize, like think about right now, if someone grabbed your throat and squeezed it, what would you think about? The only thing in the world is oxygen.

Yeah.

Right? How do I get more?

Getting free.

Right? But you're not thinking about it right now because it's abundant. It's not on your mind. But what you don't realize is when money is lacking in your life, it focuses all the time. I would do that for my kids, but I can't. I'd love to take that vacation, but I can't. I'd love to do my own thing. I'm sick of this unfulfilled job, but I can't. I'd love to be at every baseball game, but I can't. It all boils down to money. I don't care what anybody says. You have the money, you're in control of your decisions, you're in control of your calendar. So, I didn't realize I spent so much of my life with the throat being choked, but it was money. And I watched, that's how my parents lived. I can't go to the baseball game. I can't put the window in the back of the car. We got to get evicted from this trailer because we don't have what? We don't have money. I'd love to say that we live in this perfect world that you don't need money to make have choices in your life. But in most cases you don't. But I want to tell you for me, the biggest game changer is the day the hand came off my throat of money.

How old were you?

I probably was early 40s, because I always worried about, even though I was doing well, even though you're making it, you hadn't made it. I still was a leftover broke kid, that somebody was gonna realize I wasn't that smart and take it all away from me. Felt that way my entire, like, what are they gonna figure out that I shouldn't belong in this room? Right. Right. I probably still feel like that a little bit, just so you know. Yeah, yeah. But probably my early 40s, late 30s, probably early 40s, the hand was off. I retired my parents, I had money away, I was living a comfortable life. Companies were growing. And when I stopped, when I didn't have to worry, when I could travel where I wanted, pay where I want, donate what I want, eat the way, like nothing was like, oh, I can't because something crazy happened. I realized that I had spent my whole life chasing money so hard to do all those things that I had avoided all the craziness that went on in my childhood. married. My parents married nine times. My dad, extremely violent. All the things that I was like, well, screw them. There was, you know, some crazy things. You're running away from. I was running away from. But, you know, I was running so hard that it was like, I took this way I describe, would describe this. I took all the things, the trauma that we all, you had it. I, you and I know your history very well, right? All that trauma. I just tucked it in a box and I put a lock on it and said, got to make money. Got to make money. Got to make money. All of a sudden, my brain's like, Hey, we're okay. And I feel like the frickin' box, the lock popped off. And the only person in the mirror was me. I couldn't say, no, no, I'm too busy to deal with you, Dean. I gotta go make money. It's like, no, you got the money, dude. Shut up. Wow. you- got me. We gotta work on this. That was the biggest byproduct in my life is I went through a divorce in my 40s. I became a better human in my 40s. I met the love of my life in my late 40s. All of that happened. I got goosebumps telling you that, 'cause it's the truth. I couldn't use that as an excuse, like, Shut up, you don't need that anymore. And I wish that for everyone because there are a lot of people watching right now when I shared the throat, like holding the throat, is you don't realize that the lack of is not allowing you to live into the dad, the mom, the husband, the sister, the brother, the employee, the friend, the donator, the charitable person you want to be. Imagine if that was gone, who would you be?

Do you think someone can feel emotionally free in life if they are not some level of financial freedom.

Of course, some of the happiest people in the world have found that, right? And if that is your path, then amazing, right? But I also live in the real world. There's about 3% of people that could probably 5% that could meditate and love it. And I admire those people. I learn from those people. I love reading their books. I love listening to their podcasts. They make me a better version of me. But then I get to the real world with four kids and a wife, and I want to travel and I want to do things, and I want to impact others, and I want to leave a legacy, I want to change the world, I want to make this place better than I found it. All those things in most cases, Louis, require money. I don't care what anybody says. If you think that's conflicting to your values, I'm sorry, but in most cases, that's a fact. Yeah.

Wow. So what would you say was the thing that unlocked for you to feel more emotionally free, even though you were already financially free and still feeling a little bit trapped. What was the thing that allowed you to unlock the peace along with the financial freedom? Because you had the money, you had the financial freedom. You can charter private jets probably in your 30s. You had millions in the bank. You had big businesses. You were on TV every day. You had all these things, but you still felt like there was a clinch in your throat, even though you were financially free. so what allowed you to switch into emotional peace with the financial freedom? Such a great question, Louis.

I think time, wisdom, maybe it wasn't even wisdom yet, it was on its way to wisdom, right? We're in this space, we're in the personal development space. You've interviewed more people than anyone on the planet that I know. How much have you learned from all of these interviews where you go, wow, that's still in there? I was still that broke kid running away from being small, running away from being broke, running away from lots of marriages, but I ran, It's like I could have run 10 miles. I was on my 15th marathon. I look up, I'm 40 years old. It's like, Hey, isn't it time to slow down a little bit? And I think personal development, staying engaged, I listen to a podcast or a book on personal growth at least 20 days of every month still to this day. I have to stay plugged in. I have to stay engaged. For me, that old version of me is still in there. And if I don't work on this.

Version, it's like, if the...

It'll take you back there. It'll take me back, right? Maybe not at the level it once was. So I would say just time. And then there was a point in my history where I remember thinking, Hey, if I have the gift, true story, I had the opportunity to spend a couple hours with Richard Branson on his sailboat. I helped raise a million dollars for Virgin Unite. He invited us to go to his island. I thought he wasn't going to be there. He was actually there. I get up super early. You and I run super early in the morning.

Yeah, of course.

Every 5 o'clock, he's the only other one up. So he saw me one day and he goes, Hey, you want to sail tomorrow? Hell yeah, what time? So we sail around the island and he said something to me. I asked him about this question. This is probably 15 years ago. I was 40, 41. He said to me, I asked him about money. I probably asked him a similar question you asked me. Maybe it's a time in life when you ask those questions, right? I'm 41 right now. Okay, look at that.

Save time.

So here's what he said to me. He said, and we're doing an event and he's gonna be on the event, so it's good. I'm glad I'm gonna see him again. I haven't talked to him in ages. But I asked him a similar question. He said, you know, thank God for the people that could, let's use an example of, and I'm gonna paraphrase, it's 15 years ago, but he said, thank God for the people that can go to a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter and serve food and make beds and give love. I love those people. Thank God for them. He said, but we're all put on this earth. If you have the opportunity to make money like you do, then you can do your part. He goes, somebody needs to help. But how cool would it be if you could walk into that homeless shelter and hand him a hundred thousand bucks? He goes, so if you have a God-given talent to make the money, go get the best in the world at that. Give it away, change the world. We still need the person that's pouring the soup. And if you still want to do that, you can. But if you can cut the check, do it. And I shifted how much money I give away and things I do in private from that day. Sure, sure, sure. 'Cause I'm like, if I can make it, I can help even more. So I think some of those things all stack together, personal development every day, realizing the association with money that money is a byproduct in my life. It has to be a byproduct that is ethically earned, right? If you're doing something unethical, you're selling.

Drugs, it's like- you-'re gonna be out of alignment.

You're out of alignment. But if you're doing something ethical, like what you do here, I'm like, I hope you make a gazillion dollars doing what you do, 'cause you transform so many lives. If you're doing something impacts live and you can ethically earn by doing that, and then you do good with the money you earn, then you should feel guilty not getting after it, not held back.

Right.

And maybe I'm a little jaded and I've been doing this a long time, but that's the way I feel.

That's your thoughts. I'm curious if you were, you mentioned kind of money therapy, which I really like that. Let's say you're the therapist, the money therapist. and people watching are sitting on their couch or listening wherever they're listening in the world, and they're in the hot seat for money therapy. And let's just say they come in your office for the first moment and they're in the metaphorical office right now, and you get to ask them one, two or three questions to see and assess where they're at in their money relationship, their relationship to money, and if it's healthy or if it's not healthy. Not saying you have the answers on what they need to do afterwards, but for them to assess where their money relationship is, what would be a couple questions you would ask them so people could take a self-assessment and see, oh, maybe this isn't serving me this type of energy, this relationship I have to money. And maybe I need to take different actions and heal some of these money wounds that we're talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would be a couple questions that you might ask on the spot here?

I didn't prep Dean for the money therapy. Oh, this is great. And I know, I'm in a phase in my life where I'm gonna share the answers that I feel, even if they might not be perfectly politically correct. Mm-. Because it's not my job to be politically correct. It's my job to help serve. If I'm gonna spend an hour with you, I want people to be impacted.

Yes.

I can only go back to my mom, who is one of the sweetest women in the world, worked really hard. But my mom, in the situation she was in, I can remember growing up, and if we saw a business owner, Or we saw a woman in a Mercedes. My mom probably on her third job with her window knocked out with two kids with an ex-husband, my dad who didn't give her any money. She didn't work on personal development. She didn't work on herself. She'd have the tools. She'd have the tools. But we'd pass a woman in a Mercedes and she'd stop and my mother would look over and go, Must be nice, right? Must be nice. Or they use the words lucky. or see a business owner and go, that bastard, right? And I'm talking about the sweetest woman, but when it came around that, and I remember feeling awkward around that.

It was like a resentment energy.

It was a resentment energy, right? And I think that could build. If you're someone struggling financially and you see someone, it seems easier. If you're in a job and your boss or the owner is, you know, someone who's not ethical and not a good person, I was gonna use another word, but I won't swear today, right? those things can slowly build. There's another thing I want to share. And I'm going to digress. I've never been asked this question before. I've never shared this answer. Without realizing it, sometimes people fall into a career mindset. I'm not knocking a career mindset, but as a career mindset, you try to get good grades, you try to get the right school, you get a job, and you go, I would assume, especially your clients, you go into this career with ideas, and I want to change the world, and I want to I wanna get raises and promotions, and I wanna impact others. And in that work environment, so many people, it's toxic, meaning you have an idea, it's squashed. You try something new, you can't. You might have a boss that's got his thumb on your head or her thumb on your head, so every time you bring something up, they either steal it or they don't share it 'cause they don't want you to shine the light on you. And what happens to people over time, they lose that innovation, that ambition, and Joe, well, that's the way it is here. I'll just do my job, I'll keep my head down, I'll get my raises, and I'll go through it. And all of a sudden, you slowly lose touch with those dreams you have, the desire to do your own thing, to travel more, to see the world, to be at every baseball game, to be a stay at home dad, a stay at home mom. You start losing those. Well, simultaneously, people are not listening to your things, and your creativity gets shrunk, and all of a sudden, I believe there's an adversity to money because of money. Someone else has the freedom, someone else has the joy, and maybe they had a different path or maybe it didn't work or maybe they got lucky or maybe, you know, must be nice as my mom said. And I would just, this is not the perfect answer 'cause I've never been asked this, but I would just really explore if somebody with money or thinking of money makes you feel a little off, I would get a journal like is in both in front of us right now and say, why does money make me feel off. Is it because people with money are greedy? Are people with money bad? You know, is capitalism bad? Right? I mean, I employ between our couple of companies, there's over 400 people we employ. We have a get-together and they bring their families and kids and we get to see all this impact that we get to make through all these people are out and they're spending and they're buying and they're doing things and then we take and we donate some to charity. Like, Sometimes when you write it down and you look at it, you might go, Am I misjudging money or am I misjudging the people that I see with money? And am I portraying them as they're a different type of person? All things come from belief. You know this better than anyone. You write on it, you understand it. It's like your belief about money is gonna drive you because the other thing is, this is the last part I really wanna, I hope this is landing today, is if you have a deep belief that money's bad, if you have a deep belief that people with money are greedy, if you have a deep belief that they're horrible capitalists, or whatever the number, the term in your head deeply, and maybe it was your parents that put it there, or your professor, and it's living in there, and simultaneously you're dying to start your project, your art project, or start your own business. You will be so conflicted, it'll never work. It'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy, because every time you see a glimpse of success, you'll self-sabotage Because if you get money, then you're a greedy capitalist bastard. And you're gonna self-sabotage and you go, I tried it three times. It doesn't work because everybody's greedy and nobody gives you a break and it takes money to make money. And even the banks only loan people that have money, screw that. And you go back to the job where someone's thumb is on your head.

And it's self-fulfilling and you go, money sucks and so do the people that have it.

I'll just do my job. Wow. Right?

That's a good question to ask people, yeah. Right? So I would just say, Go back to how does someone get out of that? If someone has that mindset, how do they break free?

Okay, so I would say I would put a piece of paper, I'd cut the paper in half and I'd put your belief about money. Okay? It's people could be greedy or people don't use it right or it's abusive or some people just chase money and they forget happiness and all that stuff. And then on the right side, I would just say, Is it true? Is it true that everybody has money is just greedy and doesn't care about other? Is it true that People are, must be nice or whatever your feelings are. And then the third thing I would write down is if you had money, what would you do?

That's interesting.

Right, because I guarantee it's not gonna be, especially this audience, it's not gonna be new car, Lamborghini, watch, travel all over. Yeah, it's gonna be, take care of my mom. I'd make sure my kids are okay. I wouldn't work that extra shift so I can be home at dinnertime. Take vacations. Take vacations with my family, make memories that last a lifetime. And you're gonna look at this list of what you would do with money. I'd give more to my church. I'd help people out in foreign countries that are going through wars. You'll look, I guarantee there won't be one thing on there that is like a negative. Everything on that will be an impact to the world. So then, the fourth column would be, can I create new beliefs around money that I wanna serve more, I wanna give more away, I wanna be a better human, I wanna work on myself finally, I wanna get in better shape, I don't have time to get in shape. I wanna go back into therapy. I wanna finally stop drinking. I wanna finally stop smoking. Then all of a sudden you look at like, those old beliefs are stupid. I mean, the only thing that changes, could you imagine, and it's the last thing I'll say on this part. Imagine getting to the end of your life. Uh huh.

And you get the chance to meet your maker.

Yeah. And say, why didn't you live a fulfilled life? Why didn't you live a fulfilled life? Yeah, why didn't you live a fulfilled life? It's like, no, it was okay. No, seriously. You didn't live into your full potential, Louis. You didn't. Why didn't you go after that dream that you had to be an artist, to start your own business, to speak up, to create your own podcast, to write your own books, to create courses, masterminds, workshops, or the restaurant you wanted, or the gardening company? Why didn't you do it? It's like, well, you know, people with money or money. Could you imagine God just like shaking his head and going, really? Let me show you a video of the woman you could have been if you shifted those beliefs. You would have given away this to charity. You would have helped change the world. You would have fed the people in your town. You would have made sure your mom was okay. She didn't have to worry about social security. You would have left your kids in a better place so they had a foundation in case something goes crazy with the world. That's who you could have been if you just shifted that thought around something so silly. Are there abusive people with money? Yes. that's a fact. Other abusive people, there's alcohol out there. Do some people not drink it and some people abuse it? That's a fact, right? We have the decision, we get to decide how we can earn it ethically and distribute it with love. And if that's what we do, if we craft a new meaning around all of it, like when Richard Branson said, Hey, you can go serve, that's great, we need that. Or you could go give 100 grand to that thing. I'm like, I wanna be the guy to bring the $100,000 check. Amen. how do I get bigger, faster, stronger, hungrier? And it fueled me to go even faster.

Wow. Speaking of donating and giving money to charities, organizations, or people you feel that you wanna be of service to, how old were you when you actually really were intentional about giving on a yearly basis? I'm assuming you gave a little bit in church, you donated a little here and there, What year or year was it where you're like, I'm gonna start trying to give more and why did you say you wanted to give more financially to the causes that you cared about? And what unlocked on the other side of that?

I'd love to say it was consistent before my 40s, but it wasn't. I was just so hungry to, and so there's one more thing I wanna share. There's two, I like sometimes the saying, When you're on a plane, put your oxygen mask on first and then put it on the person next to you, right? I want to give everybody permission to give themselves grace and put their oxygen mask on first. Because if you spend the time, effort and energy digging in and you get that, like all focus on that, you don't have to feel greedy and say, wow, I'm making some money right now. I didn't give enough away this year. It's like, no, no, no. I'm gonna go sew in on this business. By the time I'm 45 or 52, I'm gonna give away 25% of my income or 20% of my income. But I gotta get my oxygen mask on first. 'Cause you might be just, you gotta figure out a new business or figure out a new thing or figure out a new job. Economy's going up and down. Economy's going up and crazy politics, all this stuff. It's like, get yourself, get your footing in. And then when you do, you got the opportunity to shift. And I have to tell you that probably in my 40s it became a consistent thing. and what I love, we have a couple of causes. We have, our two youngest kids have some really bad allergies, so it's my wife's passion. We help out a local hospital that is really amazing and we're building a ward there and we do help out a lot with Feeding America and a bunch other. But I also love, I have a fund that I just leave there for stuff that comes up that I didn't know was coming. Yeah. Right? Tony, for example, Tony Robbins, my partner and dear friend. On his 60th birthday party, right? They threw a big party for him and he would not allow a party to happen. I was there, yeah.

Oh, you were there?

Yeah. He wouldn't allow a party to happen for just him, it had to be about something, right? I had just donated a whole bunch in other areas and we got to that event. He was like, I needed to donate more.

Yeah, I got to that event.

I remember my heart, my heart, that's right, you were there, I hugged you.

When I stood up.

My heart was so, because it was talking about children and slavery and I had no idea it was at that depth. I don't know if you knew, I.

Knew, you hear of it? I didn't know it was that deep.

But watching what was happening and they're like, who's gonna donate $5,000? And I'm like, $500,000. I donated a half a million that night. And I was able to do that. And my wife and I went back, she was pregnant for Luca, who's four. She was pregnant for Luca, we went back to the hotel and we were giddy because we were calculating how much that half a million, how many children would be saved.

Beautiful.

Right, and I don't know if anything was more rewarding than that. And that's still a lot of money for anybody. But to be able to do that, and then a month later I donated another $100,000 because I wanted to save some more kids, right? So, how do you, I mean, when.

You make a big check like that, even if you've already donated a lot before then, and the months leading up to that it sounded like, and you make a big donation like that, that's still gotta feel like, oh, the half a million dollars is leaving my bank account to go to this cause. You're hoping that they do the right things with the money, they steward the money the right way, and they take care of the money, and it goes towards the cause. Is there ever any fear when you're making a big donation, like a little anxiety of like, oh, but how am I going to make this money back?

Yeah, you know, what if I don't.

Get this money back?

I would say, hands out, Liz, I love this conversation with you because it's every question I would have asked at 41. Every single one. And then being partners with Tony especially, he donates more than anybody knows. Crazy, right? He drives me to push more and do more. I think I'm going to do 100 grand. He's like, Really? Okay. But I have to tell you, it feels that way at first. But I believe there's this byproduct of growth in your life that you can't quantify or equate. You can't say, I donated a half a million here. Oh, I got back a half. You just gotta have faith that there's new doors opening up. And whether it's true or not, it's my belief.

Wow.

Right, but my belief wasn't there in my early 40s. I would bet to say mid 40s to 47-40, it started to go. And now I'm 55 now in the last five years, it's just like, oh, what can we do? What can we solve? How can we help? Because I know it's gonna come back to me, then I can give you more, then it's gonna come back and I can give even more. So it's time before you ask, I'd love to say, I read this book, I did this thing.

It's like, it's time.

It's wisdom, experience. It's time, yeah. It's like Slumdog Millionaire, the movie, right? How did he have all those answers? Because he went through all these experiences. Pain, lessons. Right, so I've been through all these experiences, so now they just build to.

That'S who I am at this current time. And if we do this in 10 years, I'll be somebody different.

Wow.

And speaking of Tony Robbins, I was at that event and it was amazing to see that the amount that he donates at every one of his events for some type of charity or cause, Feeding America is one of his big, I think he donates all of his proceeds to his books or something like that to Feeding America and Billion Meals or something, whatever it is. What would you say are the three biggest money lessons you've learned from Tony Robbins in being his business partner, one of his close friends and just interacting with him and seeing how he gives But also, he's an extraordinary earner, right? He generates and brings in a lot of money, but he's also a big donor of causes. What are the three lessons you've learned from him?

I would say, number one, I just wrote down, again, I love when you ask me questions I've never been asked before. Number one is his other businesses at this phase of his life make more than his core business.

Really?

Yeah. Right. Significantly more.

So he's the personal brand of his main business.

Right.

And he's running his events and books and courses.

So he told me a great story. He's dear, dear friends with Peter Guber. Wow. Right. And Peter Guber was a mentor to him. Right. And when Tony was younger, Peter Guber was part of the Golden State Warriors.

And every other team.

Academy Awards, movies, everything. Dynamic, amazing man. To only know him through Tony, right? so at a younger age, Tony's, if you know Tony Robbins' story, he's on the road 250 days a year. He's doing five day events, seven day events, 10 day events. He's speaking here, speaking there, on the road, lives in a plane, lives in a hotel. Right. And he is, he is hustling. And Peter Guber invites him to go someplace, Egypt or something like that, on a fancy trip. And he's on this plane and he said, he's on this plane and, and all of them there are on their way to being billionaires, right? Or and he's like, Man, my business doesn't have margin. I'm just, like he started thinking about how his business was so much work and so much effort and these guys had better areas. And when he first left, then he diversified immediately. He invested in this, invested in that, and all of them suffered.

Really?

All of them suffered because his main business, he didn't put his oxygen mask on yet at the level he could have. He didn't probably have his 10,000 hours in yet, of course he mastered at a young age, But he was mastering this on another level. Long story short, he got some great advice from Peter and others. It's like, go back and master the one core business. Because that core business, if it's mastered, then when the profits start distributing, you can, number two, you ask me three. Number two, you can give more. Number three is you can invest in other companies and projects that you like.

But don't do that until you master the core thing.

Right. And so 10 years, 15 years, wherever it was, head down in his business, all of a sudden this thing became an incredible company that kicked out money that he could donate. He does donated a billion meals, which is insane, right? It kicked out money for next level donation. So his one philosophy is give more. Number two, another one would be empower the core business. And when that business is empowered, use those proceeds to invest in other great businesses. And now over time, That goes to the, we all overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in five or ten. Five or ten, now he's got the funds to invest and now those other companies make him way more than his main business. But he still empowers his main business. It's still his love, still his passion, it's still his child, right? It's literally, you know, ROI, which is Robbins Research International, the UP Unleash Power, the End Date with Destiny Business Mastery. That's his baby.

But there's nothing, they don't make anywhere.

Near the money as other things. Really? But he's still putting just as much time. More time. because it's his passion, it's his thing, and it was the machine. And I think we live in a world today where we try something for a year and go, that's not it, what's next? Oh, that's not it, what's next? Right? You need the 10,000 hours. You need the time to break the.

Barrier and find your lane. And so after 40 years, he's still doubling down on his main thing, even though it's not making the majority of money.

Absolutely. So it's a great lesson with our company at Tony Iaconi-Thomas, together, Mastermind. I'm all in on this foundational company that's growing exponentially. And that'll produce so many results as we move on.

What happens if someone gets too much money before they're emotionally or mentally ready for it? What will happen to them if they've come into a lot of money with that lack of emotional well-being?

We see it in the news all the time, right? I think that's self-aware. I mean, why do the majority of people who hit the lotto go broke? Right? They didn't have the emotional wherewithal, right? I feel bad for them and they probably get taken advantage of. They don't understand money. I mean, most people don't understand how money works. I get that. And everybody should get some financial literacy to really understand it. But I think the answer is really simple. In most cases, not saying on most cases, you could just look at lotto winners. You can look at families.

I've seen inheritances, lottery winners.

I am so, I have to tell you, this sounds like, you know, money, people with money problems, but I lived in a trailer. Everything I said was true. I know your history. My kids are growing up completely different. I've never seen a trust fund kid to this day that was just handed money, without responsibility, without education, without any expectation. I tell my family, my kids, I'm running the first leg of the marathon, and when I'm gone, I'm gonna hand the baton off to you. If you wanna run and you wanna run hard, you can continue. If you don't wanna run, if you think I'm just gonna hand you the baton, you don't. You can go work and be a teacher and I'll double your salary, but you'll never be a part of the family. In the family, like- the money. The money part, right? So the reason I'm saying that is 'cause I worry every day. I do not want my children to just have money at their access whenever they want at before they understand the value creation contribution, all the things that took me to 40, I'm hoping I can get it in them by their 35. But if I'm here, that'll happen 100%. If I'm not, my entire will, my entire statement is they have to go through certain trainings, they have to do things, they don't get access to even see what's going on till they're in their 30s. And when they do, they don't just get checks, they have the opportunity to enhance whatever it is I've done. They can grab the baton and go, Hey, I want this division or I want that, because that's my biggest fear, because I think you're 1000%, right? And I also think that's where money could get a bad rap, because you see somebody who got money before they got the wisdom behind it and they abuse it.

Yeah. Wow. What would you say are the three biggest money, excuse me, what would you say are the three biggest mindset issues that you see people holding them back from making money easy in their life? making more money easier in their life. What would be the mindset issues that hold them back?

I would say first off is getting rid of the word easier because I think that could be screwing you because there is really no easy money, right? You have to follow a plan. You can get there quicker by modeling proven practices.

How do you make money easy for you so it doesn't feel like this hard thing that's unbelievable? It's too hard to make.

It's exhausting. I understand the question.

Yeah, yeah.

I get it now.

Not make easy money, make money easy.

Got it, got it. The greatest thing in the world. I know the answer is don't start from scratch, don't try to figure it out on your own, model proven practices. So not to talk about my family so much, my daughter's gonna be 18, she's going into 12th grade, and I gave her an option since you and all my kids will get the same option. After school, after high school, they can go to college if they want, or they can go mentor under someone for two years. If my daughter wanted to be in podcasts, I'd say, Move out to LA, work for Louis for free, and you have to be his best employee. If Louis doesn't think you're the best employee he's got, but the only way I would do it is if you could learn from Louis, if you get time to talk to him, to watch, observe, take notes, be an apprentice, right? Because the fastest way to get from where you are to where you want to be is find something that you're passionate about, then find someone who's good at it and learn everything they've done so you could start off on third base.

Wow.

Right. So, so many people, when they think about money, it's like, or they think about, this career is unfulfilling. I gotta get out. And then they go over here and online, how to make six figures in six weeks, how to do this, get rich doing this, it's like, ah, I'll just stick with the thing I hate. It's like you gotta find someone who's got a proven path, a proven plan. Like every time my brain at this phase of my life, when I think how to do something, my brain is converted to who's already done it and how can I learn from them? Right? Yesterday we're doing a big event in June. Yesterday there's a gentleman that really is great at events. I think Tony and I do events better than anyone. I'm willing to learn from anybody. But we want to make this bigger and better than anything that yesterday I spent a good chunk of money and hired someone for half a day to come in and just share everything he knows about live events. And the truth is, I knew 90% of it. But there was 10% of like, damn, I didn't think about that.

You probably knew 99% of it. Yeah, I did. There was a couple of things.

I was like, oh my God, I never thought of that. So my brain is always who versus how. 'Cause Tony goes at the tyranny of how. It's like, oh, I want to get my social media account going. How do I do that? But if you can hire somebody who knows social media, who can do this? Who can do that? Oh, they can do that while I do this. And then I can make money over here and I can pay them to do it, right? So I would say everything's easier when you model proven practices.

You get the blueprint. You get the roadmap. When people think, well, I don't know the right people. It'll have the right connections. I don't know people who have money. How can people get out of that mindset and start thinking about how to find the who Yeah. In different ways. How do they enroll people in giving them time, energy, and resources?

I love it. I love it. You know, I, first off, I've been on this earth long enough that when I was a kid, there were no podcasts, there were no digital books. I had dyslexia, so reading was brutal before I could listen to an audio. Right? We didn't have access to information, access to AI now, access to amazing books, access to amazing podcasts. You can go back in all your years of interviewing, how many great interviews have you had about money? Probably. A bunch.

I've had a handful. Yeah, yeah.

I've had a bunch of them. Think about going through your old podcast of finding the ones about money, about wealth. Go find others that are respected and have depth and breadth. They're not just the guy that's telling you how to get rich for five minutes because he's actually getting rich helping people think they can get rich, right? Like the person who's actually done the thing. and just start absorbing it. When there's a will, there's a way, dud, like you've been saying that for a while, but when you want to learn something, the teacher is there, right? And then as you start learning, as you start developing and you're watching podcasts and you're taking notes and you get to correlate and then you maybe go to AI and go, I learned these three things, how does that all tie together? And AI helps you bring it together. And then you might say, Hey, I'm gonna start reaching out to some of these people because they're gonna feel my passion, my desire, my interest. I mean, I have done interviews with people that aren't big podcasters that didn't go anywhere where people just wrote me the nice enough message. My team sent it to me and go, this kid or this woman, she's just a hustler. Would you give her 20 minutes? I will. And that only happens though when you feel someone's passion. So the teacher's there.

You just gotta- Good attitude, passion, all these different things. I heard you say online one time that the only thing standing between you and your next level is the story you tell yourself. on why you can't get there. If someone has just had a challenging life, you know, growing up where it just felt like everything was against them and they have a belief system, memories and stories that are proof and evidence of why they're not good enough, talented enough or capable of finding the right people, going after what they want or whatever circumstance or situation they might have. It's strong evidence showing that it's not possible to get to the next level. How can someone start to tell a different story that they can actually believe it's possible to get out of a challenging situation, personally, financially, relationship, into a better situation?

You know, it's probably because I don't want to answer this too simply. This is a really great question. It's probably because I try to absorb as much wisdom as I can from others who have done it before, and I see the, the, the mismatch or the mismatch of, of personal experiences and, and trauma and things that go wrong with so many successful people. You get to see it every day, right? When you and I get the opportunity, when we've masterminded together and really talked deep when no one's around, like you, I feel like I'm at this phase where I want to, if I had the chance to sit down with everybody individually, I could look at them and go, no, no, no, all of that crap happened because it needed to form the woman you are.

Yeah, that's the good stuff.

You wouldn't be the man you are if you weren't on the couch. didn't think like all of those things built this guy who's Louis Howes, that you can be this amazing man to your partner right now, that you can look like all of those things had to happen. But it's so hard when you're in it, like, oh really? I had to get cheated on, I had to lose this relationship, I'm business partner, had to steal my money. Right. Unfortunately, yes, because you can look at it any way you want. I'll share this. And I go back to personal stories just so I hope it relates. 12 years old, I moved in with my dad. Very, very confrontational. My dad was the youngest of 12. He was physically abused, sexually abused. He's okay with me sharing that. And old school Italian, didn't get help. New York guy, like, no, just scared away every wife. My sister hasn't talked to him in 25 years. So Scarratt didn't talk to one of his brothers and sisters, right?

12 siblings.

Yeah. And doesn't talk to any of them. It was just a dysfunctional family. So he decided, I'm gonna be a better dad, but he couldn't. He didn't get any help. Yeah, that's all. He was rough. So all the women ran, everybody ran away from him. At 12 years old, he terrorized my mom so much that he said, I said, When we leave my mother alone, right? He said, Move in with me, I'll never bugger you again. So I moved in with this guy. My mom was devastated. And she's like, you can't, I'm like, I am.

I wouldn't tell her how.

Why? Because I knew she wouldn't let me. So I move in with this guy. You're 12? I'm 12. He's living alone. He's living in a Tiny little place, heat's barely on in the place. We had a little electric heater that kept the place warm. It was a nightmare. I'm like, I left my mom, we lived in a colossus, I had a mongoose BMX bike, I had friends. Now I move in this hole. Excuse my language. I move in this guy and he's a mess. Like, I'm older now, I could see just a disaster. This guy is bipolar or somebody can diagnose it better than that. But some days he's super dad, letting me drive at 12 years old, taking me fishing and other days, I'm vomiting blood because I have a bleeding ulcer because I'm so afraid he's going to get violent with people and get arrested again and do all this stuff, right? So I got this guy that is my hero and the guy I'm scared to death of. But by the time I was 15, I started understanding emotions and I understood how he would feel. I understood how it came from. I started to have empathy for him and I could watch him come in with like, terrorizing. His name is Paul. He'll listen to this and he'll be totally cool with it. He's an amazing guy. He's 87 now and he's in a beautiful space. But I saw Paul, the terrorizer, the one that my mom was afraid of and everybody was afraid of come in. I could spin that guy. And I could get him to be that loving dad that would take me fishing. Now, when I was in my 20s and probably late teens, early 20s, I remember thinking, How could I ever be successful? Like, my dad, like he's never made, like all the things I went through and the divorces and the crazy dad, But there was a time that flipped. And if I look at my life now, and you've watched me go on stage in front of, I mean, when the Conahey, we had half a million people live at the same time.

Amazing.

And I can go and I can, I believe I can feel people's hearts. I can read them and I can adjust what I'm doing and I can present with confidence. That was all crafted by the crazy Paul because it was the protection so I could stop having a bleeding ulcer. I got off the bus and threw up blood. 13 years old.

Wow.

And I had a little blood on my mouth and debt. My father was like, what is on your lip? And I couldn't tell him because in his head, if I had a bleeding ulcer, it was because my mom left him when I was three. It was all my mom's fault. If she didn't leave me, we'd have no divorce. She'd be a happy kid. He didn't realize it was his craziness. And he'd take a baseball bat and drive to my mom's house and knock all the windows out of her car and her house. They'd call the cops and they'd be fighting and I'd be in the car shaking, right? So all those things happened. I only say that because that could have been, and this sounds like I'm just talking, look how great I am. I just want to share, I was able to convert that loss from how could that happen to a kid to thank God it happened to me. Now for a living, I can use this empathy, I can use this compassion, I can impact others, I can get up on stage even though I'm an introvert and be able to talk to people and go, I'm going to throw away the presentation I had because this crowd needs this. I learned all of that from that crazy guy. All of it. So, I'm only sharing, I don't want to make it simple. Life happens for us, not to us. That's Tony Robbins and I love that saying. I don't want to just make that a simple little throwaway, but I really want to share life really, if we can. Life already happened for us. And if you had crappy stuff, I'm so sorry, but you get to make the decision today and go, I can't change any of it because that was the ingredients that got me here today to be who I am. So, I have to say, thankful for it.

Yeah, I have to.

Man, that's powerful.

And it's so hard when you're in the sadness or suffering or trauma. Of course it is.

To be like, this is all going.

To benefit me in the future.

No, you never feel that way. Like, get me out of here.

But you get to a point where.

You go, and that is such a great, I don't ever want anybody to think I go through crap and I still, of course, do and go, oh, thank for this. It's easy. But there is, I'm at a place in my life go, This sucks, but I know it's happening for a reason. Yeah, 'cause every bad thing-- and then I'm looking like, All right, when is it gonna-- Sometimes it takes longer, like, yeah, of course.

Do this one not, and eventually always, there's a reason. It always does. When you think back at all the painful moments you see, this is how it applies in a benefit to me today. That had to happen, as painful as that was, like me getting injured and you going through this with your dad, all these different things. It had to happen for us to be where we're at today, but we had to make meaning of it and sense of it, and alchemize it into something good.

Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaking of alchemizing into something good, you took all this wisdom and experience and passion and hunger to build a business, to make money, and to kind of run away from the pain by saying, I'm gonna be financially free so I'm never broke again. You use that pain into financial freedom. But did you ever have a moment where your self-worth or your identity was tied to money?

Absolutely.

And what happens when we tie our self-worth to our net worth? And how do we not make sure that when our bank account goes up or down, our identity and our personal belief in self doesn't go up and down as well?

It might be impossible.

Okay, tell me more.

So I'm just like, I want to answer honestly today. That's another thing over time, it slowly fades away.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm in a phase of my life, but I want to tell you, if you asked me that question 10, 15 years ago. No, five years ago.

Really? Like if you would have lost a little bit of money one year than the year before and when it went down, would it affect yourself worth?

It does. It does. And it will.

Why is that though? Why is that for, is it because money is energy?

But not, probably not for everyone. But for me, I ran away from not having money and retiring your parents and taking care of people and, All the things that you do, and then the thought of going, here's the words that I believe. Never said these out loud, the thought of going backwards. Like, what if I don't have the freedom? What if I had to tell my mom, I can't send you that check?

Right.

What if we go away each summer and we spend three weeks on the beach? What if I can't take my kids there and make those memories? So I would say some of it is self-worth, but it's again going upstream, what's it attached to? I won't have and I think this is a really big one. I won't, this is mine. So there's a little therapy for you.