The 8 Step Method To DESTROY Fear & Anxiety! (TRY THIS TODAY) | Lewis Howes

Fear holds so many people back from achieving greatness. People with immense talent, people with gifts, and people with the potential to change lives. And I don't want you to be one of those people. So today, I think you gotta have a dream. The School of Greatness. Really? Yeah. Please welcome Lewis Howes. I want you to take a second to imagine what your life would look like if you completely let go of fear and anxiety. Really dig in here. What type of people would you be able to meet? what opportunities would you be able to create for your career or for your personal life? Now, over the years, I've learned that there are so many things that keep us from achieving greatness, but perhaps none as much as fear and anxiety. It keeps us from sharing our gifts with the world. It keeps us from developing an unconditional sense of self-love for ourselves, and it keeps us stagnant in our life, wondering if we were ever meant for something more. And today, In the US alone, it's an estimated that 90% of the population says they are struggling with anxiety on a regular basis. Now, if this is you, leave a comment below and let me know if you're dealing with it now or if you've ever dealt with anxiety. But the negative impact of fear and anxiety goes a lot further than just keeping you from reaching your goals. If left untreated over time, that's when chronic anxiety has been linked to increased risk of heart disease, ulcers, reproductive problems, and even memory loss. So in this episode, I'm going to share eight proven strategies you can use to reduce fear and anxiety today, no matter what the source, no matter where you're at, no matter your goals. We all deserve the opportunity to chase after our biggest dreams. And if fear and anxiety have been holding you back from doing so, then I hope this episode gives you the courage you need to break through. So get out a piece of paper and a pencil and let's jump in right now. The number one thing is to lead with curiosity instead of judgment. Now this is a critical step because this will set the stage for everything else that we're going to discuss in today's show. The next time you feel anxious or afraid, it's important to not be so quick to push away or dismiss those thoughts. Instead of judging that thought or judging yourself for having it right away, I want you to try your best to be more objective by leading with curiosity instead of that judgment. So what you want to do is to begin to ask yourself some questions. What's causing you to feel so afraid at this very moment? Is there a pattern that you see when it comes to your anxiety or your fear? Is there a time of day or specific day of the week where your anxiety reaches a peak? Now, I know being objective about your emotions is easier said than done, so I've boiled this down to a simple three-step process that will help make this simpler for you. And step one is to ask yourself, why? Why are you feeling this way? Really get down to the nitty-gritty here. Once you have your answer, I want you to label that reason as falling into one of two buckets. Now, it's either instructive or it's irrational. And I'll give you an example of each one right here. So let's say you are a personal trainer. and you're terrified of losing all your clients and going broke overnight. Now, it haunts you no matter how much you try to get your mind off of it, right? You're constantly haunted by this. Now, if you have dozens of clients who love your work and have referred you to all their friends, then the chances are that this thought could be categorized as irrational. On the other hand, if you've been putting your business on the back burner lately, staying up late going out to parties and not showing up to your sessions on time, then maybe this thought is actually instructive. It's instructive because if you're being honest with yourself, you know that you need to step up and get back on track to continue keeping your clients happy and delivering results. Step two, if the thought that you're having is instructive, then really lean into the positive aspect of why you're feeling this way. If we continue with the same example here, the fact that you're worried about losing your clients means you do genuinely care about your career and you have a high standard when it comes to your performance. So if you start putting in as much effort into your business as you normally do, then the chances are you experience much less anxiety and the fear that you might have if the thought comes up again. Step three, if the thought is irrational, then take time to walk through the reasons why it is. Take out a sheet of paper and list the reasons why your clients love you and why they refer you to all their friends. You can even say these reasons out loud to yourself that this helps you build that confidence. But by getting all these reasons out on paper, it will become more clear that this thought is indeed irrational and reassure you that your fear is unlikely to become a reality because you show up consistently. Not only will this three-step exercise help you notice patterns in your way of thinking, it will also do something that's important when it comes to remaining calm through adversity. distancing yourself from the thoughts that you experience. Now stay with me here. We all experience moments of anxiety, stress, fear, self-doubt. Where we get into trouble is when we start to tie our identity to those negative thoughts. Now this is when we start to tell ourselves that because we're going through a moment of anxiety that means that we're stressed out or we're an anxious person. Or anytime we experience a moment of fear, we start to tell ourselves that we're not a brave person. As my good friend and therapist, Marissa Peer says, Thoughts become things. And if we're not careful when we consistently entertain the wrong thoughts, it's only a matter of time before that negativity starts to manifest into things. By leading with curiosity and not judgment, you'll be in a great position to reverse this harmful habit anytime it comes up. Number two, figure out if it's time to procrastinate on purpose. This is an important one that might seem simple, but I also see so many people suffering by not doing this. And if you've tried a million different tactics or techniques and strategies to deal with your stress and nothing's worked, then I want you to answer this question honestly for me. Are you putting too much on your plate? Have you tried to say, I'm gonna do 10 different things that I'm excited about right now. If you constantly find yourself being anxious and paralyzed from stress, then you might be filling up your time with too many different things at once. And if you have a demanding job that you're extremely passionate about, then maybe it isn't the right time in your life to launch a startup you've been thinking about and 10 other things at the same time. If you're a busy entrepreneur with kids and an active social life, then maybe it isn't the right season in your life to sign up for that six-week dance class that you've been wanting to do and you've been wanting to take. You've got to be clear what season of life you're in. And there's nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to taking things off your plate. For me, I've got a packed schedule and a business to run and I'm also active with my fitness and my relationships. But even I like to unwind and go to the movies or check out a new TV series with my girlfriend. I don't always have to pack everything on my plate with every down moment. And if I didn't have a chance to recharge, I don't know if I'd be able to show up to the studio day after day excited about what I'm doing. My good friend Rory Vaden has a concept that I love called procrastinate on purpose. And the next time you need to put something off that you've been wanting to get to, don't beat yourself up about it. I think that's what a lot of people do. We judge ourselves and beat ourselves up for not doing the things everything all at once. Instead, reframe that thought by telling yourself that you're going to procrastinate on purpose. You're procrastinating with the intention of getting to that thing during the right season of your life. And if you have a goal of launching a YouTube channel, but you're 100% certain you don't have the time or the resources to do it effectively at this point in your life, then don't tell yourself you're a failure or you'll never get to it. Instead, give yourself some compassion. Tell yourself that this isn't the right season for your life just yet, but you'll get to it soon. Procrastinating on purpose isn't giving up on your dreams, it's actually the opposite. It's recognizing that we only have a certain amount of time in a day and putting a dream on the shelf for a while doesn't mean it'll be there forever. It's okay to say no to things based on your other priorities in life right now. And in the same way, my friend and New York Times bestselling author, Donald Miller, has an effective way of saying yes or no to ideas that he has as opportunities that come his way. And he thinks of his life as being three different stories that he's the hero of. Now, this is a cool concept. His story of creating a business is one. His story of being a father and a great husband is another. and his story of helping build the middle class. And if he has an idea that doesn't contribute to one of those three stories in any way, then he passes on those ideas. Now, I encourage you to get clear on the stories that you have for your own life. What things do you want to accomplish? What goal do you want more than anything else in the world? Now, by getting crystal clear on this, you'll know what to prioritize and what to procrastinate on purpose with. which will take a ton of stress and anxiety off your plate. So that's number two. Number three, have a grounded game plan. This is a big one. In times of fear and anxiety, our bodies naturally go into fight or flight mode. And during these moments, it's hard to have logic or rationality. It mostly goes out the window and it's replaced with emotion. And that's why it's so important to have a game plan that we don't even need to think about to help us get back to the center when things are happening. And for some people, this is having a strong scent that they can turn to, like lavender, which helps them calm down when anxiety sets in. So having something like that to calm you down to get you back to a grounded place. This is because our sense of smell has the closest connection with our memory. So if we can associate a certain smell with a calming environment, it'll take us right back there during these stressful moments. For others, their grounding game plan is Transcendental Meditation or some form of meditation, which has been shown to help decrease the risk of heart disease, general anxiety and even delay the onset of Alzheimer's. Another thing you can turn to in times of stress is also something we have access to 24 hours a day and that is our breath. My friend and Dr. Andrew Huberman He's a big advocate of what's called the physiological sigh. I've talked about this and shared this a bunch since I've had him on. This is a pattern of breathing that's been scientifically proven to reduce stress. Now to do it, all you need to do is inhale twice through the nose, one long inhale followed by a quick shorter one, and then exhale deeply through the mouth. So you do this like this. You repeat this a couple of times and the pattern of breathing that a physiological sigh recreates is actually the same way that we breathe during sleep. So what this does is it helps reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in your bloodstream which leads to a lower resting heart rate. Now for me, I've got a lot of different tools when it comes to remaining calm through stressful times. But one that stands out is a two-part ritual that I do before I go to bed. It started when in my early 30s and it's been an absolute game changer for me ever since then. Before I began to open up and start to heal the emotional wounds that I've been holding on to for a long time, I always found it challenging to go to sleep at night. The second I laid my head on the pillow, I'd have negative thoughts, I'd be stressed, I'd be anxious, I'd be thinking about the day, and it would take me like an hour to two hours to go to bed. and after I began opening up and being more vulnerable and processing my emotions in a healthy way, I also started this new nightly ritual. And I started to ask myself things about what I was grateful for, specifically three things I was grateful for that day. And once I have those things in mind, I asked myself this question, what am I going to do tomorrow to be of service to more people? And this ritual has given me so much more peace and it helps really calm the negative thoughts that have been swirling in my mind from the day. And today, I'm happy to say that I don't have much trouble going to sleep. I put my head down and I sleep within a few minutes. And it's all thanks to having a game plan for how I'm going to stay grounded, no matter what life throws at me. It doesn't mean life's not going to be challenging, it's about having the game plan for when it is challenging. Number four, lean into your fears. until the fears disappear. Now, this is a principle I've discovered for myself and I've found to be true time and time again. And that's the fact that until we fully lean into the things that we're most afraid of and face it head on, it'll always be there. If we want our fear to disappear for good, then we need to lean into it rather than avoiding it. It's challenging to do, but it's a sensible concept. This might seem simple to think about, but the reason for it goes a lot deeper. So much of our fears and sources of anxiety stem from one main thing, not taking action. Think about how many times you've been afraid of something before doing it and been resistant to actually taking that first step. Every one of us has been through this at some point in our lives. Now think about how many times you've been afraid of something while actually doing it. almost never. You don't have the time to be scared because you're too busy actually doing the thing. You might be nervous, you might be worried and that first time might be uncomfortable. But after you do it once and you realize you're still alive, then it's easier to repeat the process over and over. And if you talk to someone who has skydived, they'll tell you that the scariest part was being on the plane, but not jumping out of it. Maybe once in a while, but once you're out there, most people say it was amazing and I want to go back and do it again. If you talk to someone who went skiing or snowboarding for the first time, the scariest part was looking down the slope of the mountain or going up the mountain and not actually once you're doing it, you get excited about it, you start learning after you fall a few times and you become more comfortable with it. But you've got to be willing to face it head on. It's always the anxiety of the thing, but once you start doing it, it becomes easier. This is a principle that I've applied in my own life. I started my teens. I used to be terrified of public speaking. So I signed up for Toastmasters and I leaned into that fear. I went every single week to practice until that fear disappeared. And I always wanted to be able to salsa dance, but I was afraid of looking goofy and silly starting out. I remember for three months I had anxiety, just the idea of like putting myself out in the dance floor. Once I got out there on the dance floor, it was nerve-wracking in the start, but then it became fun. and it became exciting. And I started to go every week salsa dancing to improve until that fear disappeared. And even the School of Greatness has its origin in this mindset. After I sold my marketing company many years ago, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next in my life. This is pre-School of Greatness podcast. I began to lean into that fear by learning everything I could from the mentors around me, what strategies, frameworks, and blueprints did they apply in their own lives that made them successful? By leaning into that fear, it became clear to me what the purpose and mission for my life was gonna be for this next season of life. And this isn't just some woo-woo tactic either. It's actually rooted in science, in what's called exposure therapy. This type of therapy happens when people with certain phobias or anxiety disorders are exposed to what they're afraid of in a controlled, confined environment. People with a fear of heights are slowly exposed to those heights. People with social anxiety are slowly exposed to events and interacting with strangers. And sure enough, studies have shown that over time, exposure therapy is extremely effective. Anywhere from 60% to 90% of people who practice it end up having no symptoms or mild symptoms of their fear after completing therapy. that's powerful. Not taking action on our fear and anxiety is like quicksand. The longer we put it off, the more we're afraid of, the stronger a hold it will have on us. So if you have a fear that you've been avoiding, I challenge you to write down a list of your biggest fears. Put it on a piece of paper, put it on your whiteboard, put it somewhere and look at it every single day. What I want you to do is start taking action by facing that fear little by little. and I guarantee that if you do this consistently, if you do it every day, something where you expose yourself to that fear, the fear will eventually go away. Number five is the five-step neuro cycle process. Now this one comes from my friend and world leading neuroscientist, Dr. Caroline Leaf, and it's typically used for overcoming grief, but it's also an incredible tool for overcoming moments of intense anxiety and stress. So the next time you start feeling anxiety come into your mind, put these five steps into practice. And step number one is to gather. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling without holding back. So don't suppress it. Let yourself cry or scream into a pillow or whatever it takes to fully express the wide range of emotions that you're feeling. Step two is to reflect. Now take a moment to think about why you're feeling anxious. What about this moment or this thing in front of you makes you feel this way? Now, if you were responsible for giving someone else advice who was going through the exact same thing, what would you tell that person? What advice would you give them? Step three is to write. Take the answers you gave in step two and write them in a journal or on a piece of paper or store them in a Google Doc. And this will help you fully process the stress that you're going through individually. Step four is to recheck. Take a moment to reread what you wrote down and really absorb it. Now do you feel guilty or ashamed about the way that you're feeling right now? Do you feel more or less anxious than you did before you wrote it down? And the final step, step five is active reach. This is where you reach out and ask for help about whatever it is that you're going through. And Dr. Leaf has a number of suggestions to get you started. First thing is to talk to a therapist or someone trusted about the way you're feeling. Be gentle with yourself and build more fun into your day. Take more walks, go to the gym, get more sunshine, find nature to be in, or even treat yourself to a bubble bath, whatever it is for you to help treat yourself. Think in cycles, not lines. Dr. Leaf says to not get discouraged if you feel better one day, but only to feel like you've returned to the same negative space the following day. It's natural for grief, anxiety and other intense emotions to be a series of loops that come and go. and lastly, remind yourself that this moment of anxiety won't feel like this forever. It's not going to be around forever. Remember that these are just moments and they don't define you. The sixth thing I want to talk about in this episode is to keep a bank of rainy day notes. I love this exercise and this practice. It's really cool and it can be a fun exercise for yourself as well. Sometimes the most important thing we can do to overcome our stress, fear and anxiety, is reminding ourselves of how we've already accomplished difficult things in our lives. The chances are that the moment you're experiencing right now is similar to one you've already overcome earlier in your life, maybe years ago. To make sure these reminders are close by when you need them, you can create something called Rainy Day Notes. These are little letters that you write to yourself that remind you about how much you matter, how much you've accomplished in your life, how much you've overcome, your gifts, your uniqueness, the things that you're grateful for, the contributions you've made on other people's lives, and so much more. These letters can take a variety of forms, but the key here is to be as specific as possible with the things you write down, and for it to all come into a place of gratitude. From there, store your letters somewhere safe. Don't look at them. But anytime you're going through a stressful moment or maybe you're just having a challenging day and you're feeling anxious and scared, go to the place where you stored them, open up one or two of those letters and read them out loud. This is a powerful and really cool exercise. This will help remind you that you are capable of reaching the goals in front of you or you're just capable of feeling that peace that you need in that moment. and by repeating your past accomplishments to yourself, you'll be able to not only think you can overcome your fear, you'll also begin to create an identity of being someone who overcomes difficult things on a regular basis. It's really important for ourselves to do something like that. And science supports the concept of rainy day notes as well. When I was speaking with Dr. Laurie Santos, the Yale professor and founder of the Happiness Lab, She told me that there are a number of studies that link expressing gratitude with the release of dopamine and serotonin. That release can come from expressing gratitude with ourselves in the form of a rain day note or elsewhere in your everyday life. And when you feel happy and appreciative of the life you're living, fear and anxiety will start to fall away. Number seven point of this video is to apply The Lichfield Formula. Now this is interesting. This next strategy comes from a framework that is in one of the most classic books ever written on the topic of fear and anxiety. And that book is How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by the great Dale Carnegie. It's an iconic book that many still turn to to this day to help free their minds of worry. In the book, Dale Carnegie tells a story about a man named Gallen Litchfield, who was a prisoner of war in Shanghai during World War II when it was occupied by Japan. Long story short, there was a moment when tensions reached an all time high after Litchfield hid some valuable items from a Japanese admiral without his permission. And during that time, there were a number of prisoners who were being tortured or killed as a result of similar disagreements. Litchfield was terrified that he might end up in the same position. So when he returned to his room later that day, he developed a three-step formula that helped free himself from a large part of his anxiety. Step one that he did was to analyze the situation causing you to worry. From there, determine the worst possible outcome if you fail. For Litchfield, the worst possible scenario was obviously losing his own life. Step two, accept the worst possible scenario as if it was already going to happen. In step three, focus on trying to improve the situation so that you end up with a better outcome than the worst case scenario. Now for Litchfield, after he accepted that the worst thing that would happen to him was his death, he determined that there were three things he could do about it. Number one, try to escape. try to explain himself to the Japanese Admiral in hopes that he would give him grace, or act like nothing happened. In the end, Litchfield decided to go with the third option. And to his surprise, the following day, the Admiral had either forgotten all about what happened or he had calmed down and decided not to pursue it further. Now, it's not every day that we're faced with a life or death situation, so here's some more common examples that puts the Lichfield formula into practice. Now let's say you have the final round of a job interview in the morning. It's a job you've wanted for a long time, so you're nervous and you start to get stressed about it. Step one, think about the worst possible scenario. So in this case, it would be not getting the job. Step two, accept the fact that you might not get it. Now I know that might sound negative at first, but take a moment to actually visualize that you don't get the job. Step 3: Now that you've accepted that there's a chance you might not get the job, what can you do to help make the situation turn out differently? Are there other places you can apply to? Are there interview questions that you know will be asked that you've been avoiding? Are there things you can rehearse tonight to give yourself a better chance at a better outcome? No matter what you're feeling anxious about today, the Litchfield Formula can be a powerful tool to help ease your mind. And more importantly, identify the things that you are in control of and the things that you aren't. Number eight of this video and of this episode is to turn your anxiety into your superpower. This is a cool exercise from Dr. Wendy Suzuki, one of the world's leading experts on overcoming anxiety.