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The Biggest Problem in Modern Relationships | Dr. John Delony

14 Jul 2024 · 1 min

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Dr. John Delony says the biggest problem in modern relationships is "me over us," where partners prioritize their own feelings over the partnership. He uses Estelle Pearl's 9/11 towers analogy: after damage, couples can either walk away or hire experts to excavate the pain, grieve, and deliberately rebuild something stronger.

Chapters

What do you think is the biggest cause of pain in relationships today? Me over us. Really? Yeah. Me over us. How I feel right now or how you made me feel. Not my body responded when you did this. I need to deal with that. Or I've got some hard choices to make. You did it. You did it. It's me over us. This would go back to the question you asked earlier. It was a watershed moment when I heard Estelle Pearl talk about the 9/11. Towers analogy. She was talking to a couple who had experienced infidelity and she said one of the greatest challenges couples experience is they want to, I just want to get back to the way things were. And she likened it to you couldn't go on September 12th and sweep up all that dust and glass and steel and rebuild those towers with that stuff. They fell. Wow. You have two choices. You can walk away and let nature take it back over and it will. Or you can hire some experts, you can excavate that, you can design, build, grieve, come together and build something beautiful.