Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

The Damage of Earning a Parent's Love

3 May 2025 · 1 min

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In this introspective monologue, the speaker recounts how, as a child, they craved their father's love above all else. Their father, a Pentecostal minister, made clear that love was conditional: the speaker had to become a perfect performer and achiever to earn attention. This created a painful dichotomy—being expected to be seen and praised for achievement, yet silenced and dismissed when not performing. The speaker connects this childhood conditioning to their adult life, describing a relentless drive to achieve, an inability to celebrate successes, and a pattern of overworking until illness. The narrative highlights how limiting beliefs formed around parental approval have become self‑limiting behaviors in adulthood.

Chapters

Which parent did you crave love from most? Not who did you love most, who did you crave love from most? You wanted your mom or dad? Dad, absolutely dad. Dad was a Pentecostal minister. I did not have his attention and I wanted it and he says, who did you crave love from most? And I'm like, okay, dad. And he said, who did you have to be to get his love? And so for my dad, by the way, like everybody's limiting beliefs are wrapped up in this thing. Like I believe this to be true. Who did you have to be? I had to be a performer, an achiever, perfect. When he wanted to pay attention to me. and the second he was done, children should be seen and not heard. So this was this horrible dichotomy for a little kid, which was, I never know. Yeah. And then shut up. Shut up and go to your room. Just sit there. So then I'm like, oh, now I find myself as an adult working myself till illness. I can't stop achieving. The second I achieve something, Marty trying to figure out what the next. I mean, the second I don't celebrate anything onto the next thing and simultaneously keeping it super small so it doesn't offend.