The SECRET To Completely Healing Your BODY & MIND | Marisa Peer

You don't have to be perfect to be loved. You have to be you. Tell ourselves all this crazy stuff and then wonder why we feel so crazy. When all we have to do is tell ourselves better stuff. You know, we have this belief that events affect us. They don't. The meaning you attach to an event affects you.

During challenging times, it's easy to allow stress and anxiety to tear us down. But in this interview, Marissa Peer breaks down how to heal the body and the mind to start living a better life.

Because now I've created my own method, which is really taking the world by storm.

What's it called?

It's called Rapid Transformational Therapy.

How does it work?

Well, it works by... So for instance, if you have migraines or you're obese and you go to a therapist, they want you to talk every week about how what's it like being obese? Well, very distressing actually. And what does that feel like? Frustrating. It's like you're going to the dentist and can I come in every week and talk about the infection in my gum? The dentist goes, no, get that infection out because it just does ongoing damage. So conventional therapy likes to talk a lot. And what I don't like about conventional therapy is they go, okay, you have bipolar. That's very complex. Therefore, the treatment is going to be very complex and that is not the case.

We're gonna take it in stages.

Yeah, and conventional medicine too, they treat the symptoms. Whereas when I work with someone who's believing, can go, what happened? What happened to you? They go, well, my granddad had sex with me when I was 11 until I was 13, and I got really fat, and I never realized the connection that I kept saying, I wish I could stop him looking at me like that. And the mind goes, that's the command. You want your granddad to stop lusting after your body, I'll make your body super unattractive. and you have to unpick that. So we had someone who had chronic migraines and had tried everything and she was having injections in her head and when I asked her, because we do this thing called role function purpose, we hypnotize someone. Role function purpose. And in hypnosis they go back and we say, be the headache and tell me your role. And amazingly they do it because they're out of their thinking into the feeling mind and they'll say things like, oh well as long as I have those headaches, I can't disappoint my dad who always says, why aren't you an overachiever like me? I spent all that money on your education. How can you just be a waitress? But now I've got the headaches. He goes, oh my poor daughter. She could be an amazing barrister, lawyer, but she's got these headaches. Yeah, and then of course when the symptom has a role, function, purpose and an intention, It's not going anywhere.

So if someone has headaches, you would walk them through what's the role of that headache?

Yeah, what's the benefit? Yeah, what's the payoff? Even with children of five, if I say to a five-year-old, baby, I know this is a silly question, but if the headache was your friend, what would it be doing? They go, well, when mommy and daddy fight and I get a headache, they stop fighting. They turn off all the lights and we lie in the dark till it goes away. There's a kid who's had a thought, I gotta stop Mommy and Daddy fighting. And because they're not logical creatures, they're feeling creatures, they're feeling mindsets and illness will stop your parents fighting. Maybe failing at school will make them see that you're unhappy. Maybe getting acne will make your mom spend ages massaging the cream into your skin and you might feel that you matter to her. 'Cause every time you speak, I'm busy at work, I'm doing my emails, I've got to speak to work, and kids think, I want mommy to notice me in the mind, which is illogical, goes, Can I come up with, well, we can have asthma, eczema, dermatitis, irritable bowel, obesity, and 70% of these issues, although the symptoms are real, you have a real migraine and real flaky skin, the cause of them is completely psychosomatic because the mind's job is to tune into your thoughts and give you what it thinks you want and it can only work that out by what you say. When you say this 405 is killing me, I'm dying under paper, my boss makes me want to kill myself, your mind goes you better not go back to that place called work. I think I should give you an ulcer or agoraphobia because you keep saying that The commute is killing you, the job is killing you. And we say things like killing it, dying here. You know, one of my clients was telling me that her boss just died and he used to sign off all his emails, busy, busy, busy, I wish I was dead. A joke and then he got cancer and died really fast. But his signature was I wish I was dead. And they'll say, oh, somebody asked me, I want to die. Oh, my boss promoted me, I want to die. I'm gonna give, I'm gonna kill it. And we don't, yeah, and we don't understand that the brain has no sense of humor and only picks up words and thinks they're real.

Yeah, it's a lot of what we were talking about with Dr. Joe Dispenza.

You know, he covers a lot of this stuff. Yeah, of course.

Wow, okay. So you started helping people from one phase, which was in losing weight.

Yes.

And you said, let me understand people, it's much more than just losing weight.

Yeah. Yeah.

And you've been doing this for 30 plus years since you were 11.

Yeah.

Why were you so fascinated by human behavior in the first place?

Well, I was told I could never have children. When I was 17, I stopped having periods completely and all the doctors said, you know, you have infertility, unexplained, which I thought that's a good title, isn't it? Unexplained. Because explained is your fallopian tubes are blocked or you don't have enough estrogen, but unexplained means Everything's working. We have no idea what's going on. And so I decided to just work on myself and I simply wouldn't accept that. And I did get pregnant, but then they said, well, everything's gonna be wrong with this baby and it's gonna have the same issues that you've got. You've got all these different hormonal thyroid issues and they really freaked me out. And then when she was born, she was perfect. And they said, well, she's gonna be very underweight. She was seven and a half pounds. And I realized then that I was going to stop all the medication and just come out of that. And then I started working with infertile women. It's so rewarding. You'd come in and go, I can't get pregnant. And they'd always go back to say, what's going on in this scene? I'm 50, I think I went, my dad will kill me. Oh my God, my mum will kill herself. You know, we're Muslims and I'm dating this white guy and oh my God, the shame, the terror. and the day they find out they're not pregnant they go, Thank you, Allah. I'm so happy I'm not pregnant. Now the mind is crystal clear, having a baby will kill you and not having a baby is something to celebrate and when you repeat something in your mind enough, it just can't unravel that. When women say, I've got the curse every month and oh, I hate this and I wish I never had them and then periods go away, they never kind of look at what's going on there and so I found infertility really easy to fix. And then I had people with secondary infertility, which means you had a baby, you got pregnant like a high school girl on a date immediately, but you've been trying for seven years to get pregnant again.

Why does that not happen?

Because you go home and say to your husband, imagine if we had a second one. Oh, that would kill me. Oh, I'd leave you if we had two keeping us up all night and that would bankrupt us. Can you imagine what a night we would be like to have another one? The mind goes, Don't have another one. And of course you don't mean it. You don't mean it. We're going to quite cheerfully throw this kid out the window the middle of the night. I could just give them away. I remember saying to someone, you, baby is lovely. She should come back at 2 a.m. You can have him. It's a joke. Like we say to our kids, you,'re so lovely, I could eat you. And they think, Really? So we see all this crazy stuff, which we know is crazy, but the mind says, this is literal. This is real, you mean it. When you say, I'm dying under my paperwork, the mind goes, no more paperwork for you. When we say, I'll die if my next relationship ends, if I got hurt like this again, it would kill me, the mind goes, you, know what? If it would kill you, why don't I just turn you into a complete bitch? You never have another relationship again and then it can't kill you. Right.

And then you'll never have loves like that.

No, no. All men who go, you know, all women are ballbreakers, they just want your money, I'm done with women. go through that again. It would kill me if I had to lose half my property again. The mind goes, that's my job. You see, we think our mind's job is to make us happy. It really isn't. It's to make us survive against what were once really pretty bad odds. And how we survive is every time we say something that would kill me, I'd die if that happened, the mind goes on red alert to stop it happening. In the same way if you ate some mushrooms and were violently sick, you'll find the minute you think, oh no, no mushrooms again, or shellfish, and the next time you see shellfish you go, oh no, no, I couldn't eat that, because your mind will always remember what hurts you, because its job is to keep you alive by making sure you don't get hurt. But it doesn't know what hurts you until you say, that last boyfriend broke my heart, shredded it to pieces and jumped on it. No, He just got bored with you and you probably got bored with him.

Or it wasn't the right fit or.

A number of things. Yeah. And everything he loved in you was still in you. He was just your starter boyfriend. Maybe he was your starter husband but he didn't kill you. But we tell ourselves all this crazy stuff and then wonder why we feel so crazy. When all we have to do is tell ourselves better stuff. My mum will kill me if I get my shoes dirty. My dad will kill me if I don't get all A's. My dad will go crazy if I come home with a bad report card, which is not true. But if you believe that, then you create a world of stress, or because of what you say to yourself and tell yourself. But that's actually very good news, because since you say it, you can say something better. Yeah, always.

What's the thing that you see the most that people struggle with? Is it A stress, an overwhelm, an anxiousness, a fear of something.

It's always a belief I'm not enough. That's the biggest thing. In fact, I always say to all my clients, there's only three things wrong with everyone. Everyone has got three things wrong. The number one is I'm not enough. The second one is I'm different, so I can't connect. And the third is I really want something like freedom from depression or success, but it's not available. But I'm Not Enough is the biggest. I mean, I've worked with hundreds of thousands of addicts. I've never found one ever that ever believed they're enough. And if we look at the key addictions: shopping, binging on food, binging on alcohol, binging on drugs, sex, sex especially, porn. All of those things come from a feeling of emptiness inside because we're taught, oh, you feel a feeling? Why don't you eat some doughnuts or go onto eBay and buy or Amazon buy something or have a drink and our feelings are the most real thing we have and we push them down and we find all this stuff to buy or eat or drink or take to keep us like John Lennon said, Comfortably numb. But then the feelings regroup and come back because they've always got a job to do. And I always say to my clients, Look, you've got to feel the feeling until It no longer requires to be felt. You can't eat it or drink it or shop it away but we're all taught that we can and should. So I'm not enough is the biggest problem I see. I mean if you look at Amy Winehouse or George Michael or Whitney Houston or Philip Seymour Hoffman, an immense talent, a gift, beauty.

Why did they feel like they were enough though? When the world says you are enough, I'm gonna celebrate you. You're gonna have everything you want. We're gonna talk about you constantly. Stroke your ego. Pay you a ton of money. How come they still can't get over that they're not enough?

That's a great question. There's a couple of things. First of all, if you're Amy Winehouse and someone says, Write a song and you write Back to Black in five minutes to give you eight million dollars, it's what I call the self Destructiveness of talent. I didn't earn that. It's a bit like a lottery winner. I didn't work for that. I've got to get rid of it. You know, lottery winners who haven't had money will almost always go bankrupt very quickly. So if you didn't earn it, it has no value.

Yeah, you're guilty of not feeling like.

Well, I didn't work 10 years for this. Yeah. Even with guys, you know, guys like to pursue women, so they won't. If you just give it up to them immediately, they like it, but they don't want to see you again because you've taken away their desire to earn it, if your dad is an heir and gives you a ton of money to open a business, you won't respect it because you didn't earn it. So the first thing is this came to me so easily, therefore it has no value at all and that's a big thing with rock stars and music stars who debase it. But the second thing is with many people like for instance George Michael and Whitney Houston always had to pretend they were straight. They have to live a lie from the very beginning. Michael Jackson had to pretend to him this lovely, God-fearing, wonderful Walton-type family. And we know that wasn't true. Amy had to pretend that she didn't mind at all that her dad left her mom when she was four. And she minded very much indeed. So when you fake it and fake it and fake it and fool the world, you can't fool yourself. And then you're living a lie and eventually it comes back. back and people like Whitney who was just so talented then used drugs to hide the pain because I can't now come out and say that I'm not straight and I'm portrayed as this Bible bashing, God fearing man, heterosexual man loving girl and that's not me, I'm a party animal, I like women but she wasn't allowed to say that.

Coming from the church and everything else.

Coming from the church and it's so unfair to do that to people because you make them pretend to be something else, which causes intense stress. And then when you're in intense stress, what do you do? You have to take drugs. I remember years ago, Carrie Fisher's mother saying that she would appear on screen with two baby diaper pins on her shirt. And she was America's golden girl, but her husband was cheating. She was a chronic bulimic all her life and hid that. Such a shame.

Hey, it's Lewis here and I would love to connect directly with you. Text me the word YouTube to my number 614-350-3960 to receive weekly inspirational messages from me. And I think people could use your wisdom and your healing ways more than ever right now because I think a lot of people's thoughts are sick. and they don't know how to change their thoughts, heal their thoughts. If we're so focused on negative thoughts, how do we even get to the place of stopping those thoughts and starting to heal from years or decades of thinking negatively?

And I guess that's a great question because most people don't even get there. You have to understand thoughts are things. When you think a thought, you have an immediate reaction. That's why if you think about eating, your stomach rumbles, you think about sex, you get aroused. People say, I don't believe that. So what do you think an erection is? You think a thought, you get a physical reaction. That's not a one-off. If you think a thought, a thought has a physical reaction in your body immediately and an emotional response. If I think I'm embarrassed, I might blush. If you say something moving, my eyes might fill up with tears because my body is reacting to thoughts. and if you could all be taught that early on, you react to thoughts, that's a fact. Here's another great fact, you can change your thoughts anytime you like and if you change your thinking, it changes your entire life. So for instance, we're all saying, I'm stuck at home. I go, no, I'm safe at home. Stuck safe, you change one little word, it changes everything. So we say, I'm trapped. I'm in a lockdown. You know, we're not actually trapped. They're not sealing up the doors like they did in the plague. And the plague, they sealed your doors and you couldn't physically get out. But we are asked to stay indoors. We still go out for walks. We go out to the store. We go to the pharmacy. We're not stuck. We're not locked in. We're not trapped. We're not in prison. It's not an apocalypse. It's not Armageddon. But if you start to use those words, it begins to feel exactly as if it is that case. So it's really important that you change your words. And I learned that when I was helping a hospital who had people who couldn't go in the scanning machine. And they'd all say things like, well, I feel like I'm in a coffin. You know, when I get in that scanner and I can't move, I'm so trapped. I'm like, look, come on. You lie in bed for eight hours every night and don't move. Why don't you just say I'm in my bed, I'm super chilled and I feel so relaxed. What will happen is your mind will react to your thinking. And so I had many people do that and I was teaching nurses how to get people to do that, especially little kids of six going into the scanner. They said, When we sit them in their bed, they actually fall asleep in there. And we say, We're going to play a game now. Statues, how long can you keep still for? So when I actually, a few years ago, was in a scanner, which I didn't ever plan to be, and I thought, Let me play a game. So I lay in there and I went, I'm in my bed. I'm so chilled. This is so great. I've got half an hour to just lie here. And then I decided to go, I'm in my coffin now. And they start to talk to me, Marisa, you're moving all the time. I had no idea. Because I was saying, I'm stuck, I'm trapped, I'm claustrophobic. My body was like, Get out. out and it starts to do things to make you want to leave. And so if you just understand how you are, everything changes. So our ancestral brain is like, flee, fight, freeze. I can fight, I can flee, I can freeze. So I'm in a scanner and it's like, well, I need to flee this. I need to fight it. And I'm like, no, If you can't fight and you can't flee, don't freeze, flow. I can't fight, I can't flee, but I can flow. I mean, Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in solitary confinement. We can't even do three weeks. Oh, it's hell. It's a nightmare. I'm cooped up. My kids are driving me mad. I want to get a divorce. I can't stand it. But he did 27 years. You know how he did it? Because he said, Everyone in my country is in prison. I'm just in a different prison to them. If they can do it, I can do it. And I'm going to come out here the leader of my country. And he did. So, you know, we have this belief that events affect us. They don't. The meaning you attach to an event affects you. The interpretation you choose about an event is what affects you. So I'm looking, I love it. It's great. You know, so much time. I'm having the best time. People go, I hate it. I can't speak. I'm climbing the walls, I'm going cray, I'm ripping my hair out, none of which we're not actually ripping out our hair or climbing the walls or going insane. We shouldn't use that. But clearly it must be the interpretation because we're all reacting differently. So this won't affect you, but what you make of it will. And it's your job to change the interpretation. And if you can change the interpretation, It will change your entire life.

How do we change an interpretation to go from flee or fight, freeze to flow?

Well, you first of all think, what does this mean? What does this mean? You know, I've had a couple of clients who went to jail and they were active, one of them was a very rich woman who went to jail for tax evasion and she said actually she ended up really liking it.

Being in jail.

Well, she was a typical rich one, she had a beautiful house, lots of staff, she didn't really go anywhere, everyone did everything for her. She didn't really have any friends. She had the ladies who lunch. And when she was there, she trained to be an aerobic teacher. She trained to be a yoga teacher. Nothing else to do. She really bonded with the other women. And when she got out, she went back every week to visit them because she said, you know, it was different in there. It was like girls boarding school. I didn't realize I was isolated at home and more connected in jail, which is an interesting way to think about it. And people who, often people who've been in jail or been trapped in their house, been in lockdown, So Isaac Newton, I believe, in 1665, he developed the theory of gravity while London was locked down because of the plague sealed in their house. And so he used that time. So I guess you have to think, well, you know, I can't change this, but I can change what it means. One day I look back and go, well, actually there was a lot of good stuff. What can I do about it? I mean, we all go, I just haven't got enough time. Oh, I'd love more time. If I only had time to myself, well, here it is. what could you do or learn or achieve? And I'm not saying it's easy because I'm also safe at home and I really miss going out and meeting people. But I'm also doing things I've wanted to do for years that I couldn't do because of time. So silly things like cook with your kids and make that a math lesson. How much does that weigh? How much vitamin C is in the skin of a potato? Do the laundry, you know, why do you think detergents are called biological? You can make it interesting, you just have to really decide, okay, what does this mean to me? And can I change the meaning? When I can change the meaning, it will change my life, because the meaning is yours to change, and the interpretation is yours to change. But the fastest way is to look at words. Am I saying apocalypse? Armageddon trapped, stuck. Someone said to me, they've taken away my freedom. Who? The government. Government forces have taken away my freedom. Maybe. But how about they want me to live, they want me to be safe. The government has put this in place to keep me safe. So I'm safe at home or they've taken away my freedom.

Why looking at your words first, why is that so important?

Because the way you feel about everything is down to two things. The pictures you make in your head. and the words, the way you feel about everything, every minute of every day is only down to two things. The pictures you make in your head and the words you say. But you could make that even simpler and say forget about the pictures because the words make the picture. You know, I'm not visual and I can't see stuff but if I said to you, Louis, think of anything that you may not think of an orange snowman, especially one whose snow is the same color as the carrot in his nose, you've got to think of an orange snowman. And so when you hear words, they make pictures. When you say, don't think about blushing, don't think about falling, you know, I paddleboard every day. And I notice if you go, I'm wobbling here and I'm going to fall, I've never, ever, ever fallen off because I don't think about falling. I think about balance. and how much I like it. But when you say a word, you make a picture. And even the words you use in front of words, make a picture, you can say, this is driving me crazy. I'm going insane. There's a picture. Or you can say, it's a challenge. It's interesting. It's an opportunity, because they don't make a picture. So when you say, I've got this cracking headache. Oh my God, it's killing me. I'm in agony. My head is killing me.

Swelling, it's throbbing, yeah.

Or you say, I've got a little niggle here. A little niggle, not great, but so what? When you say, I'm starving, this is what people do, I'm in the house, I'm starving. I could eat a horse. I'm dying of hunger. See, what you're doing, which most people don't know, is that 500 years ago, the thing that killed us more than anything else was not disease, and it wasn't war, it was hunger. And we're wired to be scared of hunger. So when you say to your body, I'm starving, I'm dying of hunger, I could eat a horse, your mind goes, oh, that's that dangerous thing that could kill you. You have an apparatus here that regulates what you eat. But if you say you're starving, I'll put that on hold so you can eat. You stand in front of the fridge and eat so much stuff. And then when you've eaten, you still feel hungry. 'Cause you just told me you were starving.

So you're saying that using the words, I'm starving or I'm okay, I don't need food, whatever you say is going.

To manifest in the body. And you just have to think, how could I change that? Am I really starving? I don't think I've ever been starving. I've been hungry, but I've never been starving. Could I really eat a horse? No, not even a horse's leg. Of course you couldn't. Am I really dying of hunger? That takes at least 12 days, probably even longer. So then you think, why would I lie to myself and delude myself? How about saying the truth? I need to eat. I'm ready to eat. And so what happens is maybe you're driving home or maybe you're on the train station and you say, I'm starving. Now your mind goes, there's a KitKat machine right there. You should eat three of those and maybe some jelly beans and taco chips as well, because you're starving and I'm your mind and my job is to keep you alive and you just said you're starving. because your mind's job is to listen to your words and your job and it's a great job is to tell it better stuff. So then instead you go, you know, I am hungry, I need to eat, but I've got some chicken in my house, I've got some vegetables, I've got a casserole, I cooked it yesterday, I can wait an hour and eat better food. And we all have to say that, I am hungry, but I'm choosing to wait 30 minutes for better food. You know, it's the same thing in a restaurant. When I go to restaurants, I'm not hungry. The minute I sit down, they bring that bread basket. I think, oh, I need that. And I could have eaten all of those at one time until I learnt to say, I'm choosing to wait half an hour to eat this really nice food I've ordered. But you have to talk to yourself. We're all taught, if you can talk to your customers, you'll have a great business. If you can talk to your kids, you'll be a great parent. But no one says, but you need to talk to yourself. That is the most important conversation you'll ever have, the one you have with yourself. This relationship is killing me, this kid is killing me, I'm dying under my workload, this free weight makes me want to die. This is not true, why don't you say the truth, this community is a challenge. It's a challenge. I've got all these audio books, I've got some snacks in my car, I'm prepared for the challenge rather than it's killing me.

What happens when we say this is killing me? over and over again. How do we manifest that?

If you say that, your mind's job is to keep you alive on the planet. It doesn't actually care if you're happy. People think my mind's job is to make me happy. No, it's not. It's to make you live long enough to reproduce yourself. And actually, that takes the first 30. We've got another 70 left. So our mind's job is a little confusing to our mind. But we are ancestral people in very modern bodies. And when you say, My job is killing me. It goes, don't go to that place called job. And if you keep going to that place called job and keep saying it's killing you, I'll just give you a nice ulcer. I'll keep you at home now. I'll make you sick. I'll make you sick. I'll give you a disease. And we see that people say, oh, I need a week in bed and then they get flu. Now they've got their week in bed. I need to get out of that meeting and now they get chronic diarrhea. so it happens all the time anyway and because your mind is designed to keep you alive and so if you say you hate someone, people say, you know this guy, oh he ripped out my heart, stamped all over it and threw it in the trash. Really? I think he got bored with you darling and you know what, if he stuck around you probably would have got bored with him. He was just your starter relationship, he taught you a lot and you learn to love and everything he loved in you, but he didn't take it when he packed his wash bag and left. He didn't put in it all the things that made him like you. They're still in you. He couldn't take them home. And everything he liked in you is still there and you can find a way better person that loves you more. But when you say to your mind, he ripped out my heart, stamped all over it, he killed me. The mind goes, you know what? Don't have another relationship. Stay single. I'll make you the biggest fish in the world. I'll make you the most cold-hearted guy. Because you keep saying, if I meet another person that leaves me, I'll die. If I meet another person that hurts me, I couldn't take the pain. You know those songs, I haven't got time for the pain. I can't live without you. When you say to your mind, it'll kill me if another guy dumps me, or girl, I'll die if I get rejected. If I have another miscarriage, it will just be the end of the world for me. You've told your mind, I couldn't cope with that event and your mind's job is okay. My job is to make sure you never have to experience that event ever, ever, ever again.

So I'm going to make you a bitch, I'm going to make you mean, I'm going to make you obese, unattractive, all these things.

You know, I worked with someone, it was so this girl had hypersensitivity to light. So bad that she couldn't go out in normal daylight. And when I talked to her, she said, you, know, when I was 11, I got really, really badly bullied. And I said to my mom, Can I stay home? And she's like, no, I'm a single parent. Of course you can't stay home. I got to go to work and I hate my job and you have to go to school and deal with it. And she said, But mom, I need to stay home. No. When she got high, polite sensitivity, what do you think happened?

She was able to stay home.

She had to stay home every day. Her mind believed that staying home was what she wanted and was really seductive. And we have to be so careful when we say I want to be at home. I don't want to go out into the world and deal with that. It's too much for me. And recently I was teaching, because I teach RTT all over the world, and I was teaching my course and I heard this story. I just trained a graduate and I was so proud of it because she said, you know, my first client was an anorexic girl. And when I talked to her using RTT, I said, because we always say the same thing, what was going on when you first began to have this? It's called what Lies Beneath. And she said, well, I was 11 years old and opened my dad's study and he was looking at porn. And he was panting like a dog. And I remember standing at the door thinking, oh, I never want anyone to look at me the way he's looking at that girl. I would die if a man looked at me the way my dad is looking at that girl. Now that's actually a command to the mind. Do anything and everything to make sure no man ever looks at me the way he's looking at her. And that's when she became anorexic. When you're anorexic, the ovaries don't develop, you don't go into puberty, you don't get breasts, you lose your hair. But what was even more interesting is a girl in the audience said that's so bizarre because I'm bulimic. And my dad used to, he used to drop me off when I was divorced and you go look at your mom, look at her in those tight clothes. Who does she think she is? She just looks like a tramp. And I thought, I never want my husband to ever talk about me like that. And I'm so fat.

Oh my God.

He would never talk about anything like that. So same, almost the same scenario. The same request to the mind. I couldn't cope if anyone spoke about me like that. And one became anorexic and one became obese because the mind took the command, do anything. And everything to make sure no one ever looks at me like that.

To protect yourself.

And it doesn't have a set thing.

You mentioned something about leaning into the feelings until you no longer need to feel them or until they go away.

Feel the feeling until it no longer requires to be felt.

Why should we do that? So give me an example of this feeling.

So let's imagine you and your ex-wife are not getting on and you have a feeling of rage about the fact that she's trying to get your kid to call a new guy daddy and she's blocking you out and you feel so angry. You think, well, I mustn't feel angry. You know, she's doing it for the interest of my kid. And so I just drink the anger and I drink the anger and you see with a feeling it's the most real thing you have. A feeling is like a little kid in a class going, Notice me, I'm over here. And if you don't, they get more and more out of control. And so when you don't acknowledge your things, they regroup and they regroup until they become outrage, rage coming out, and then suddenly they go a bit crazy in the car park of the store or the line of the store because the mind says, I've got all this rage wants to come out. Someone just cut into the line, take it out on them. so ineffective because I have something I call AAA which is be aware of your feeling. Most people have no idea what they feel. They go, I shouldn't feel jealous, I shouldn't feel envious, I shouldn't be furious with this kid who's keeping me up all night. So they're not aware of it, they certainly can't accept and they never get to articulate. If you can say, you know, my wife's a good person but actually I'm furious with what she's doing, it really hurts my feelings. That's why group therapy And places like AA, the good thing is you get to say, sometimes I could quite cheerfully hurt my wife. I'm not going to, but I feel like oh yeah, I feel like that too. Because when you can express your feeling, it goes away. It goes away immediately. But when you communicate it, yeah, even to yourself. So if your mother-in-law is the absolute bitch from hell and you can't say, by the way, Dorothy, you are the Most horrible mother-in-law in the wild. But you just go and shut yourself in the bathroom, turn on the taps, flustered and say, Dorothy is a really unpleasant mother-in-law. And one of my...

I feel better.

Yeah, you feel so much better because you're not saying it to them. It's like feelings are like gas. They're in or they're out and they hurt much more when you keep them in and you want to let them out. Gas, I mean, obviously you're right in the middle of a meeting, but when you keep stuff in it causes you pain. And one of my amazing therapists said, My mother-in-law really was the mother-in-law from hell. And I could never say anything because my husband was the golden boy. But after I trained with her, I started to say, you, know, Brenda, you're a really unhappy person. And I know you're trying to hurt my feelings, but I just feel so bad. And Brenda finally said, you, know, I've been bulimic for 32 years. Nobody knows. Could you help me? She completely transformed that woman in two sessions, never been bulimic since. And I said, She likes me more than her son now. I'm now the daughter-in-law from heaven. I've got a big halo. But when we keep everything in, it does so much damage. It's like with little kids, they get angry and we shout at them. They go, oh, my anger makes you angry. And I'm not allowed to be angry. I'm not allowed to say something. Express myself. And all psychiatrists will tell you that, and if you want to be sorted out, Here's something you must do. Express your hurt as close to the event that hurt you happening as possible. You can't say to your dad, you know, 20 years I asked for a bike and you got me a skateboard. I didn't want that. What? I worked nights to buy you that bike. You can't get any resolution after 10 years or 20 years. But when you can say to your friend, look, I love you, you're my friend, but it really hurt me when you didn't even turn up to my wedding. Still had to pay for all of that and you didn't call and it hurt me. I still loved you but you hurt my feelings. Then it's gone. But when you keep it in, it doesn't when you say to the friend, you make me feel so angry, well you make me feel angry. I didn't come to your wedding because your guest list that was extortionate asking for all this stuff. I mean, I'm not Bank of America and I didn't want to buy that stuff. But you can't get resolution. But when you say, I was hurt when. I felt hurt by, and you can say it to a wall, you can say it to a force, you can say it to a mirror.

You can write it down.

It's not for the other person. It's good to say it, 'cause it's out then. And then it goes away. It's the most wonderful thing, it goes away. And then everything is so different.

Yeah, it's interesting because over the last two years, specifically, it's been magnified with men in the media who have created all these, you know, killing, shootings.

Yeah, I know.

Racial marches, political distress, domestic violence, all these things have been happening and it's been magnified over the last couple of years, right? With Me Too and Time's Up and everything. And as a society, when men are unable to express or communicate themselves, or they're gonna be known as weak or soft or whatever the word is, it's hard for them to express themselves in any other way except for this blow up.

Yeah, especially when you say this, Stop acting like a girl. You're running like a girl. Exactly.

You're acting like a girl. Don't be a wuss, don't be this, don't be, it's like less than their manhood or something. Yeah, of course. There's no wonder why, if it's not acceptable for men to express themselves in this way, it's hard for them to just be stoic constantly. I'm not saying it's okay what they've done to act out, but I think society in general needs to have a big group hug. Sure.

And let it out in a way where it's more acceptable to express ourselves. And also, whenever anyone does anything wrong, we go, what's wrong with you? We should say, what happened to you? What happened to you? And they'll go, well, you know, my mom always said she didn't want a girl, boy, she wanted a girl. And I've been brought up. I'll give you an example. I had a city trader as a client who really had problems trading. And his boss said, you know, he's the best trader, but he's so nervous. And when I worked with him, he was saying, when he was a kid, his parents had two girls and then him. And he would smash his tonka toys and they go, what's wrong with you? Look at your sisters just combing their doll's hair and They're so good and why are you so aggressive and four-year-old can't go well because I have something called testosterone and they don't and I'm designed to run and jump and hunt and fish and I've got to learn what to do with aggression Smashing my cars together is good for me. He didn't four-year-old doesn't have anything because they live in the world yeah, they just live in a world of feeling not logic and he said I never realized I spent my whole life thinking something's wrong with me because my parents were so everything comes to him. What's wrong with you? Look how neat he says, they don't get peas on the floor when they eat. And he said, I heard it every day until I formed a belief something's wrong with me. He didn't date women because he thought, well, I should be like one, but I want to be like a man. And that session totally turned him around. He said it was like someone had sprayed him with pheromones because he went out that night, women were attaching themselves to him like a magnet. But he I just got rid of the feeling of something's wrong with me. Because most people do walk around going, Something's wrong with me. I'm just majorly messed up. And you can't heal.

And no one understands me. No one gets me.

Yeah, and I don't understand me. And if I don't understand me, how can you?

And why should I even be here?

Yeah, because you can't heal what you can't understand. And so all the treating the symptom is like putting a Band-Aid on an infection. It doesn't, when you understand it, you can totally change your perception of what it is because events actually don't affect you but the meaning you attach doesn't. The story we tell ourselves about the story. And that's, I love that because when I just got all my Stevie Awards, it's like, oh, I feel like I've got an Oscar. And that's good because I take clients' stories and I give them a happy ending, always give them a happy ending. But then you have to understand a bit more of psychology because humans are hardwired to recreate what they know. We like what's familiar, even if that's very bad. If I've never had money and I win the lottery, I'm gonna get rid of it. Or if I've never had love and you love me, I'm gonna reject you because it's so unfamiliar. If I've had a dad who calls me an idiot and worthless, guess what kind of guy I like? that's it. Because when I meet them I go, oh, I feel like I've known this guy my whole life. We just clicked. And they think, oh my God, it's because he's my dad. But now I've been sleeping with him for six months. I don't know what to do with that now. Because we are wired to like what is familiar and to resist what's unfamiliar. And that's what kept us alive. And we lived in Ward City. We didn't go, I'm a bit bored with this group. I think I'll go outside the Ward City and find another tribe because they might have killed you. So we have this wiring that says run towards what's familiar and run away from what's unfamiliar. But the very good news is you can make anything familiar. And the most important thing to make familiar is praising yourself. That's if you could just do that, that in itself would change your entire life.

How do you praise yourself?

Well, you get up in the morning and go, I'm a good person. I have a skill, I have a talent, I have something to offer the world, I'm here for a reason. You look in the mirror and go, oh there you are, you're a good person, you've got a good heart. You know, the most important way to answer that question is this, what did you always want your dad to tell you? Even if you never had a dad. If you had a dad, a good dad, what would he have said? What would your mom have said? What would a nice teacher have said? said to you and it would be something like this, I'm proud of you. You're a good son. I'm so glad I'm your dad. How lucky I got to have you. And a teacher would say, you,'re such a smart kid. What a joy it is to teach you because you're smart. And we all want to hear the same stuff. I love you. I'm proud of you. You're interesting. You're a great company. Nobody needs to hear, I'm the best dentist in Beverly Hills, because that doesn't work. It's emotions and many of my clients, their mother might be dead but they're still trying to get her to approve of them. Dad's living in another country but they're still working to make him like them. And you know the most important thing is you like you, so whatever you wanted to hear, say it to yourself because your mind doesn't even know that it's coming and it also doesn't care, your mind doesn't care what you tell it is right or wrong. or true or false or even if it's good or bad it lets it in like chapstick on your lips. Your lips don't go is this organic, fair trade? Just lets it in. It needs a bit of nourishment and we need some nourishment and words are very nourishing and there is actually nothing on the planet that will raise your self-esteem like praise. But self-praise is better. Because I said to you, I just adore you, you're amazing. By the way, you know, Can you do this and this and this? I've manipulated you. But if I say it to myself, my mind knows there's no manipulation and the mind likes repetition. And when you say it every day, your mind kind of goes, oh yeah, here you go again with that phrase. You say it every day, must be true, and now it sinks in. Problem is, if you criticize yourself every day, it says the same thing as well.

It's interesting because the big talents that commit suicide or die, Who's a comedian?

Robin Williams.

Robin Williams, Amy Winehouse, all these individuals who have the world praising them, but they weren't able to praise themselves.

Yeah, and they don't let it in.

It doesn't matter if everyone else acknowledges you. It does matter, but you have to.

Be willing to acknowledge yourself as well, right? And they're familiar, unfamiliar. If praise is unfamiliar, but criticism is familiar, and you say to someone like Robin Williams, oh my God, that last show was funny, he goes, Didn't you notice? I left out the best, I fluffed a word. It wasn't as good as the one before. So if you're not used to praise, you'll reject it. And if you're used to criticism, you'll add it in. Because we do what's familiar. So if we say to someone, I love your book, they go, oh, actually it's not that good. The other one is much, I love your talk. Oh, I got it in a car boot sale. It's five years, I've got a hole in it. So if we haven't got praise, we actually reject it. And you just have to say to yourself, I'm going to make this familiar. I'm going to praise myself for every day. It might feel weird, but I'll keep doing it. It's a bit like running. You know, running isn't familiar, especially around Beverly Hills. But if you put your shoes on and go for a run on concrete, eventually it becomes familiar and then you like it. I mean, sticking a lens in your eye, that's the weirdest thing. Very unfamiliar. The first few times, oh, my God, I'm coming to my eye like that. And then after a while, you can do it almost without thinking because you get used. to it, you can make anything familiar or unfamiliar. And my advice to everyone is look at your bad habits and make them unfamiliar. And look at what you want, especially praise and make it familiar more so because if you've got a startup or you're working for yourself, the days of a boss going, well done, good job, pat on the back are over. And you have a praise muscle and no one's going to build it up. except for you. But if you build it up, it makes you bulletproof.

We have a similar philosophy and a lot of people that come to me are afraid of certain things. And at an early age, I was afraid of a lot of things.

Yeah.

I was afraid to talk to girls. As a 12-year-old, I was afraid of speaking in public. I was afraid of dancing. I was afraid of all these things, right? And I got so sick and tired of being that I just said, I'm gonna give myself a challenge every day. You know, when I was afraid of girls, I was like, every time I see a girl that gives me butterflies, I'm gonna go up to them and start a conversation. And it's terrifying and I'm sweating and I'm stumbling on my words. And people rejected me the first few times, but I just kept doing it until, you know, by the end of the summer, when I was a teenager, I was like, Every girl is talking to me.

Of course.

And I tell people you gotta embrace the fear until the fear disappears.

Yeah.

It's similar with the feelings. Yeah. You've gotta live in the feelings until.

What would you say? Feel the feeling that it no longer requires to be felt. That's great. Because what you're really describing so eloquently is you had a massive fear of rejection, talking to girls, speaking in public, asking... Feeling enough. Yeah, someone asking to employ you or pay you. So we have a great fear of rejection, which is not surprising because when we're born we have two drivers: find connection, avoid rejection. After all, if a mother rejects a child, if a lion rejects the cub, it's not going to be adopted, it will die. Or it just starves to death. And so we know innately that our survival on the planet is linked to not being rejected. And not that long ago you would have died from rejection, you know, in a thousand years ago when they banished you outside the walls of the city or you marooned a difficult sailor or you cast someone out of the community, you pretty much died. There was nothing out there but purgatory. So we have a wiring that says rejection will kill me. And that's why you had the fear. But when you can dialogue with the other, it feels like it will kill me. It can't kill me because no girl can reject me unless I give her my permission.

Right, give them my power.

You can't reject me unless I agree with everything. I don't like you because you've got short hair. I don't like your shirt. I don't like you because you're white, not white at all, short glasses, not. But when you say you can't reject me, I can't be rejected because the only person who can reject me is me. You can talk to girls realizing even if they say no, you're not my type, I'm with someone, no thanks, or even Ooh, not no. They can only reject you if you let that in. And we look at someone like James Corden, who's certainly not gorgeous, but women love him because he's funny.

So funny.

So funny. Oh my god. You know, we like warm people. You know, the packaging is all very nice, but lots of people have a great packaging, a great wrapper, but they're unhappy. And so our greatest fear is to be rejected. But the truth is, in 2018, you could live in this apartment, have Amazon deliver your groceries, never see a soul, and you probably live until you're 106.

Yeah.

Wouldn't advise it, but we don't die of rejection anymore, but we still feel like we will. And all schools should be teaching kids you cannot be rejected. You can ask for a pay rise. You can ask for crowdfunding. You can go to someone and go, Here's my idea. You can write a book. Speak in public because I work with a lot of actors who say I'm so scared of rejection. I'm like well how are you going to be an actor then? You and I write books for everyone who loves it. There's going to be the odd person who goes I hate this book and I hate that writer too. But we don't let it in. We have to laugh about it when you give a YouTube talk. I mean I've got one of my talks got like 3 million views and there's a few in there going I hate a stuck up English snob. But they don't know me because that's not me at all. But I don't go, oh my god, I can never write another book. I'm okay because I don't let it in because the only opinion that matters is my opinion. I know I'm not a stuck up English snob. So that can't hurt me because if it did, I wouldn't be sharing it with you.

Right, yeah. So if everyone's giving you negative feedback or critical feedback on who you are, your performance, your work, how does someone not let it affect them. How does someone say, okay, it can't really care?

Such a great question. So if someone just comes in and goes, I hate that shirt. Or that that color is so not you, or you should never have cut your hair, or, oh, you've got a bit heavy. You just go, thanks for sharing that. Just a really simple thing which says, thank you for sharing your opinion, which I can choose to not let in. You don't have to do anything else. When the minute you go, your shirt's pretty awful. Look at your hair, or calling me heavy, you look Anna Rex that you've let it in. And now you're trying to retaliate and it's like a game of tennis. If you put down your racket and walk off the court, you can't volley. So the first thing to say is thanks for sharing that. And it's very good for the little barbs we get from people, family, friends, sisters, cousins, exes. Right. Someone is really mean and says, you know, I listened to your talk on YouTube. Oh my God, you stank up the place. I was embarrassed for you. Then you go back and you say, I missed that. Could you repeat that for me? Slowly. They were usually not bothered because they know that in you asking them to repeat it slowly, you're going to call them out on it. And they usually go, oh, me and my big mouth. I'm just having a bad day. I didn't actually really watch it anyway. Just ignore me. and if they do, you must not go after them and go, no, I want you to just repeat it right now, say it to my face. Don't do that because a bit like a lion who bares the teeth, they're saying, back off and I don't want to attack you. When a lion bares its teeth, you don't go up to it, you walk away. It gives you a chance to retract. So saying, could you repeat that slowly? Is giving the person a chance to retract. They almost always do, but occasionally they'll come out and go, no, I just said you're so wooden as a speaker, as an insult to wood. And then you have your third reaction which is oh are you trying to make me feel bad about myself? Amazing. They usually go no, no me. No I thought I should tell you how bad you are because you need to get help or never speak in public again or I mean I had a nanny once who was so awful I had to say to her darling you're wonderful but you're not meant to be a nanny and I didn't criticize her, I just advised her to go and do something else and we're still friends. Sometimes people think that the criticism and the barbs and the humor are a good way to give you a message. So when you say you're trying to hurt my feelings, they often say no. When you're being bullied at school, if you say they go, yeah, I really am. I want to hurt your feelings. That's the point, dummy. Why? Because it's a domination. Bullying is just dominating. It's a bit like a the bully feels they're at the bottom and you're above them and they can only diminish you or embellish themselves to be above you on this little seesaw.

So they feel inferior.

Yeah, a bully feels inferior. So let's imagine you're poor, your dad drinks, you don't have any money and there's this kid with new trainers and a new backpack and they come up and say, you,'re just a faggot or you're gay because they can't really embellish themselves. so the next option is let me diminish you. I mean, the embellishment is that no one in my family has been divorced, so when we fight, it must be your fault. I mean, you're from divorced people. Or, well, I've got a degree and you haven't, or I've already raised a kid and I've got no problem with those ones, so this must be your fault. So you can embellish yourself, but if you can't, you go into diminishment. And so when someone says, Yes, I am trying to hurt your feelings, feelings. You simply reply, well, it's not going to work because I'm not letting that in. And I was in my garden last week filming an anti-bullying program, which we're giving away to every school. And I had these kids, and this little girl was saying, I'm not letting that in. That's not going to work. And I said, how do you feel? Because I feel so good because he's not hurting my face. I'm not letting it in. He can't hurt me because I'm just. saying, I'm not going to let that in. And then when it was his turn, he said, I'm kind of running, I'm becoming demotivated to bully her. I'm totally demotivated. I was enjoying it because he got to the horrible things. He said, I'm so demotivated. I'm running out of stuff to say because she just won't let it in. And then they switched and she said the same thing. What's the point? He's not letting it in. I just want to stop this now. So that's the fourth option. Well, that won't work. because I'm not letting it in. And the fifth stage is to say, particularly with adults, like if you have a bullying co-worker, do you know, since we're sharing here, you do know, don't you, that people who are critical have so much criticism reserved for themselves, they actively dislike themselves. And you're actually showing me and the entire office that you really don't like yourself.

By critiquing me?

Yeah, by critiquing, you're just showing me. Yeah, critical people. always have criticism reserved for themselves. They are full of self-criticism but they reflect it out and superior people and happy people always praise and people who feel inadequate always criticize because criticize withers you and praise builds you up. And if you can use those five things, thanks for sharing, could you repeat that? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Won't work, I'm not letting it in. Since we're sharing, did you know what is running your critical behavior? you don't let it in and being able to not let in criticism, that too will change your life. It makes you bulletproof. You can't stop being mean and having a horrible day and we now have trolling which is becoming an epidemic so it's actually worse. Our kids used to get bullied at school and go home to a sanctuary.

Now they're bullied online.

Now they're bullied online on the phone and it never ends and they feel really attacked. And see when you find trolls, they're usually really miserable and unhappy, but they love the power because they have no power. They live on their own or with their mum. They have no life. I mean we had a terrible situation in England where somebody was trolling this person whose child had been kidnapped and when they exposed her, she killed herself. Oh man. Which was a terrible thing for her, but obviously her sense of shame that she was outed and to kill herself, but she must have felt terrible. I felt so sorry for her. But she was very vicious in her trolling, but that's a really unhappy person. She needed a lot of help. But when you can teach people to come back from criticism without fighting or going, well, I hate you too, or you're all shut up, or crying when you can just teach them, look, I'm not letting it. It's like if I try to give you a gift you go, and I don't need that gift. I'm holding the gift. I can't give you something if you don't take it. I can't serve papers on you unless you accept them. I can't serve a volley to you unless you volley it back. So when you learn that people can try and give you anything but if you don't accept it, you haven't let it in. And if you don't let it in, it can't hurt you. It just hurts the person who's left holding it.

Years ago, I used to, when I got early in my career, I would react to any negative comment that I got online, Twitter, Facebook, whatever it might be. Anything that was critical towards me, I was like, I had to defend myself.

Sure.

You don't know this much.

Because you let it in.

I let everything in. I let everything control, consume me. So I was driven to be perfect to try to like never let anyone critique me. And then when they did, I was like, you don't know me, you don't know this. And I remember feeling so exhausted, trying to reply and be defensive and whatever it may be. And sometimes these arguments online, we go back and forth for days or weeks.

Just waiting for... And then you forget what you've even argued about in the first place.

And a good coach of mine at one point, he saw me, this was years ago, saw me like, I'd gotten a lot better, but still five years ago, I had tried to defend myself with like a very positive response that was like, well, here's why I did this, this and this, but nothing negative about that, right? And he called me out, he said, Listen, don't even respond like that. Just say thank you for the feedback.

Yeah.

Period. Thanks for sharing. Exactly what you said. Just like, thank you for the feedback and let it go.

Yeah.

And really now I think about, you know, the biggest critics are the ones who aren't creating. If you're, you don't see an author.

You never go on Amazon and leave a negative review for another author. No, I have a lot of questions. Yeah. And it says there's never been a statue erected to a critic. And I gave it to one of my clients who's an actor. That's great. And it's such a great thing. There's never been a statue or a monument directed to a critic. That's great. Yeah. We had a critic in London, a critic play critic, and he actually wrote a play and it was absolutely hammered. And he went, I never realized what I was doing to people, how much I hurt them when I reviewed them. Thought it was funny to make joke. They're expensive. Oh my god, this book should not be put down. Indeed, it should be thrown as far away from the unfortunate reader as possible.

Wow.

He wrote that and then people started to get their own back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The trouble with this book is once you put it down you simply can't pick it up again. That's funny, isn't it? But not for the person who wrote it.

Exactly. What's the difference between feelings and thoughts?

Well, you can change your thoughts. So, it's a good question. So, a feeling is something you feel. It's come from the body. Suddenly, I've seen a snake and I've seen a rat and I feel repulsed. I remember seeing a rat in my house and I felt, oh, a rat. Horrible. I mean, I could pick up a hamster. I could pick up a little gerbil. You know, I could hold a butterfly or I could hold a ladybug because the picture is this is cute. But I wouldn't hold a cockroach or a dung-eating beetle. I wouldn't hold a moth. And so when you get a feeling you've got a picture and you feel scared. And the feeling is so instant that we think the feeling comes immediately. So a feeling you have to talk yourself out of a feeling. Thoughts are also pretty instant, but you can change them very quickly. I'm going on a date, I feel terrified. No, actually I don't. I feel excited. I got a choice. I feel terrified, feel excited. You know, one of my clients was a very famous rock star and he had to pay someone to push him on stage. So he'd get all ready, super excited, he's at LA Bowl or the O2. He's got the guitar, he's just about to go and he thinks, oh my god, I can't do this. Because he's got the feeling of absolute fear. And so up comes a guy whose job it is to push him on stage and he begins to do that and then he feels great. But that feeling would have overwhelmed him if he hadn't decided, I'm just going to feel the feeling and carry on. So, Feelings, we think we're a victim of our feelings, we're not. You can choose to interpret a feeling and thoughts, you have to make sense of them. But here's an interesting rule: you: thoughts control your feelings. Your feelings control your actions. And your actions control your ends. Or you could say your thoughts dictate your feelings. your feelings dictate your actions and your actions dictate your events. So that actually says the thought comes first even before the feeling. Really? The thought comes first and then comes the feeling and then comes the action. So all the laws go back to change your thoughts. We try to say, I'm going to change this. I feel so sad. I'm going to change that. I feel so lonely. I feel so unhappy. but actually if you change your thinking it will take care of the feeling.

You won't feel that way.

No. It's like if you go and watch a roller coaster and people are screaming, are they screaming because they're terrified or happy? Who knows? But you get to choose what you think about that. It's a bit like, you know, I think I told you this story before about one of my clients who had breast cancer and she said, well, I feel so lucky because I don't need a breast. I need a leg and an arm and an eye, but I don't need that. And sometimes the strangest things that happen, if you can look back and go, oh, well, how I thought about that event affected me way more than the event. It's always how you think about it.

The meaning behind it.

So we're taught that we can't change our feelings. Our feelings come upon us and there's nothing we can we can do. But we're taught that our thoughts, well maybe we can run those, but it's not true. You can change your feelings and your thoughts. And if you change your thoughts, you change your feelings. If you change your feelings, it doesn't change your thoughts. So a lot of people go, you know, I'm really nervous. I'm going to jump up and down and take some deep breaths and breathe into a brown paper bag. Because I heard that good and I'm doing all of that. So I'm controlling the feelings but the thoughts come back. So let's say you said I'm terrified of birds or dogs and if I saw one, I'd have a heart attack. A little bird landing on my table, oh no, I don't even go to outside restaurants because a little bird that would kill me or dogs, I don't like dogs. See, these are thoughts. Now if you try to say to someone, look, but it's Such a cute little dog, it's such a sweet little bird, it can't hurt you because the feelings are going on. You believe that's not true, but when you change the thoughts, the feeling does go away completely. Which is why again, people can have a little pet gerbil and be terrified of a mouse. It's why you could eat lamb but not horse. I mean, I would never eat foal, I wouldn't eat donkey, I wouldn't eat pony. I wouldn't eat baby elephant, but I eat lamb. I don't eat lamb very often, but I'm not a vegan. I was for a long time and a vegetarian. It's the thinking. So a vegan would go, I could never eat anything with a face, but the thought is there and then they would feel sick if they had anything with a face. So if I had a big lump of meat in my hand now, what do you think about that? Well, if you're a vegan, you think that's disgusting. That was a living sentient creature. If you're a Hindu, you think that's so offensive. That's a sacred animal. If you're a bodybuilder, you go, Great, protein. If you're starving, think protein. I had a syringe in my hand right now. What is that? Well, if you're having a tattoo, it's very exciting. It's a way to get inked all over your arm. If you're in immense pain, That's fantastic. It's going to take the pain away. If you're a drug addict, that's like, oh yes, I'm going to get off my face now. And if you're scared of needles, it's like, oh, I faint at the sight of needles. I can't even look at it. No, no, I've got raging toothache. I'm not going to the dentist ever because I don't like needles. So it's not the needle, is it? It's not the lump of meat. It's what you think about it. dictates what you feel about it. So you don't have a feeling about the meat or the needle. You have a thought and a thought dictates the feeling.

Is this why hypnotherapy is so powerful? Because if people can't change their thoughts themselves, then you can get them into a relaxed state to allow them to think differently and say, oh, it's not that bad.

It's really powerful. I mean, proper hypnotherapy, the kind I do, and you know, all therapy is good, but proper hypnotherapy excites the imagination. It doesn't say every day in every way you're getting better. It says you are elated and excited and thrilled and turned on by going to the gym and you love working. Then you come home and you choose to eat the right food and then you work on your business plan and you're so excited and the right ideas take root and develop and you formulate something amazing and you monetize a gift and you're just so successful. Because the mind loves exciting words. The words must be in the present tense. They must make a picture and they must be powerful and dramatic and even better have powerful words in front of the words. So I give my clients the words they've always wanted to hear. That's all I do really is the first time I'm like I did detective and I'm gathering information that come in, or maybe I'm online, or maybe I'm teaching other people. And the first thing you do is you're an investigator. A detective lays out pictures and goes, oh, look at that. If I look at those, I understand what went wrong. So I'm a detective, and I'm understanding what went wrong. And then straight away after that, all good hypnotherapists do this, particularly. RTT, Rapid Transformational Therapist, investigate. They find an imprint. There's always an imprint, a scared child, an authority figure, and something that goes on. But then the next bit, which most therapists don't do, is you interpret that with your client. If you go, look, you do this because of that, they go, well, really? I went home and told my mum, that's rubbish. Of course you don't. I went home and told my husband, and I don't. think that's true and now I'm doubting it. And I used to do that, I'd go, okay, you do this because of that. And most people said, yes. But when I got my clients to do it with me, let's work, why do you think you didn't go, well, now you've mentioned it, of course, when I was four, these twin brothers came along and I now I can see that I felt replaced, usurped, no longer I lost my status. I didn't know who I was.

So it's allowing the patient to investigate as well.

Yeah, and then so they investigate, find the imprint, interpret, but then you interrupt it. You completely smash that idea out the park. Yes, I know. When you were two, when you were born, you weighed three pounds, you nearly died, your parents fed you with a dropper. If you broke through, you cried hysterically and was on the phone to the doctor. and your dad, we've got to get this baby to eat, otherwise we're going to be back into the preemie ward. But now you're 42, you weigh 300 pounds, you're not going to die anymore, so you interrupt it and you have to be funny and relevant and also quite tough. It's not a good enough reason to keep doing that. Going to all-you-can-eat buffets is not a challenge. If you're not supposed to eat as much as you possibly can because it's free, Because there's no such thing as free. Take whatever you want and then pay for it. And when you eat all that food, they're losing it, but you're paying for it.

There's a price that you're paying for it, man.

So after you've done the investigate, imprint, interpret, interrupt, then you do what I call the installing. So you go from being a detective to like a doctor who's extracting all the toxins, and then you become a coder. and you code in and you wire in. New programming. Yeah. And the mind learns by repetition. The mind learns by repetition and it only responds to words that look like a picture. If you go, I'm not bad, me. I have good days and bad days. I'm all right. No, you have to go, I am the greatest. Muhammad Ali said, I told myself I was the greatest. I didn't even know I was, but I said it. Then I became it. He could have gone, I'm not bad me. Good days, bad days. I didn't, sometimes I'm all right, sometimes I'm good.

I will win. I am the best.

No one can beat me. He said that no one can beat me, which actually wasn't true. He was beaten, but he carried on saying it. Now we tend to think of him as the unbeaten Muhammad Ali, the person who never got it wrong. So when you meet people who say, I'm the best, I'm the greatest, I'm amazing. We forget that some of those actors did movies that were dreadful. We forget that they did some terrible movies.

They lost a fight. Yeah, Conor McGregor has lost a few fights.

We just remember how good they were because they told us we were good. So the most important part of hypnotherapy are the two things. One is you must find the reason and remove it. And the second is you must put in really powerful, powerful, powerful words. And a lot of therapists do it.

Repetitively over and over again.

Yeah, yeah, about a 12 to 15 minute long audio. It's got to be really exciting.

Listen to it every day.

21 days, not every day. You can listen to it for three weeks and then it's gone in. It's wired in. It's fired in. You can then maybe a month later we've got some important interview play again. But a lot of people don't understand. They either go to therapy and they understand why, but they still do it because they don't do the new installation or they do the installation without finding out why. So they buy all these recordings and I know they work because somebody said, oh, I bought your recording for examiners and my kid who was lying on the floor hysterical just said, oh, I'm gonna ace that exam. exam and she went in there and she did. So it does work. But when you do both, it works forever. And you know, therapy is such a strange thing and I'm not anti any therapist, but there's no other professional where they go, bring me your pain and we'll talk about it. Nobody goes, hey dentist, I've got this terrible infection, why don't you come in and we'll have a conversation about it every Wednesday at 3 o'clock. They go, I've got to get that infection out. No one said to their doctor, I think I've broken my arm. We can discuss that every week. How's the pain today? Now I know I'm being facetious, but it's such a strange model. Let's discuss your pain every week until you get used to it, get to understand it, get familiar with it or get past it. I'm like, why don't you just get past it straight away? Because if someone came to me and said, I have a chronic, chronic headaches, I wouldn't ever say, let's say, let me get rid of the headache today, right? Now we use hypnosis and we can certainly turn the pain right down and then we can find out why you have it. But I would never say, well, let's discuss it. And so hypnotherapy is more powerful, I think, than any other therapy because it both removes the pain and removes the cause of the pain.

Yeah.

It takes away the pain and it takes away the call. They'll say, but surely if you stop someone smoking, they bite their nails. You stop someone drinking, let them go gambling.

Do something else. Yeah.

If you do it properly, they never, ever do that. Because you take away the source of the pain and the pain. It's like you saying, I've got weeds in my lawn. I mowed them. But two years later, they came back. That's so weird. It's not really weird because you left the roots intact.

What's the main cause of most people smoking that keeps them addicted for so long? Is there a common theme?

Well, it's like everything, whether you're smoking, drinking, gambling, it's your belief. Like a lot of smokers, I can't go to the bathroom if I don't smoke. Well, what do they think non-smokers do? They go to the bathroom. They go, no, no. I can't relax. if I don't smoke. I can't focus if I don't. So I can't digest a meal if I don't smoke. I mean, I've heard every single reason why people must smoke because, I mean, I worked with a famous writer and she said, I can't write without cigarettes. I'm like, is that where your talent lies? In a packet of Marlboro Lights? I didn't know that. I thought you were gifted. You just said, no, it's the Marlboro Lights. It's not the Marlboro Lights, will they? Stop telling yourself that it is. But it's the lies we tell ourselves. So smokers will say, I don't know what to do with my hands. Why don't you look at a non-smoker? Do what they do. Drinkers will say, I can't relax without a drink. I can't focus. I can't enjoy myself. I just will say, Life, how could you live your life without chocolate? How could you enjoy your coffee without sugar? We lie to ourselves so much. And, you know, I do the opposite. Why don't you tell yourself a better lie? Where did you go? I love my life without sugar. It's thrilling. It's not true. I know. But if you say it every day, you know what happens? It becomes true. No one was more of a chocoholic than me. No one ate more sugar than me. Yeah. Until I decided to stop poisoning my body and realize that it's such a horrible thing. It doesn't mean it doesn't taste lovely.

It's almost like we're all hypnotizing ourselves every day throughout our whole life.

It's true. We are hypnotized every day.

It's based on what we're saying to ourselves.

And also the media who, by the way, if you put on a computer or drive to work, you are invited to eat rubbish food about 500 times a day. You know, you put on an advert. There's no adverts for broccoli or yummy pears that have but so fast food. I mean, I went to the Olympics in London. I took my godson.

I was there a lot.

And there were three sponsors, Cadbury's, McDonald's and Coca-Cola and you can remember they were giving out, they had the purple trays, they were giving out Cadbury's. And I'm like, this is, isn't that weird that chocolate is sponsoring the Olympics? But they have the money because they made us believe that You can't have Valentine's Day without chocolate. You can't have Christmas without chocolate. How can you have Easter without Easter eggs? So we've got all of this stuff wired into our brain. It makes me happy. It makes me feel good. But you know, you can unwind that. It's actually really, really easy.

I was in college, my senior year of college, I wanted to be an all-American decathlete. and I had six months where I made the decision, okay, my dream was to be an All-American my whole life. I didn't get it in football originally. I did after this, but I had one season left, which was what I thought. And I had the track season. And I was a decent sprinter, and I could high jump, and I could do a few events, but I was not good at any one event in order to make my goal of being an All-American. But the decathlon, which is 10 events, I was like, huh, maybe if I put all these together, maybe I could. But I'd never done the pole vault, and I'd never done hurdles and a few other events. And for me, the pole vault was the scariest, because I didn't like going upside down. I didn't like being on a little pole 15 feet in the air. I didn't want to bend something and snap and break my neck, all these fears. And I literally did what you said, which was I made it a voice audio recording back then when I was 21. It was about eight to 10 minutes long. essentially hyping myself. I love going upside down. I love bending a pole where it almost snaps and slingshots me to achieve my goal. I just talked about this over and over. And then every night I would listen to this. I would listen to it before I did the pole vault, and I would watch highlight videos every night before I go to sleep of the best pole vaulters in the world. And I was horrible at the time, but I took the actions on the thoughts which made the events a possibility. And I didn't even know what I was doing, but I was just like, I need to trick my mind until I became confident. I'm curious, you talked about telling ourselves better lies. How do we become more self-confident or overcome doubt if we've never been confident? And then just lie that we are?

Yeah, well, it's what I call lie cheat and steal. Lie to your mind, cheat fear, steal back the phenomenal confidence you were born with. So a baby doesn't really have a fear of being upside down or a pole. And then a baby would put a cockroach in their mouth if you let them, shove their hands in an electric socket if you allow them to touch a really hot oven because they are fearless. They're kamikaze pilots. So I think you should lie to your mind all the time. You know, when I go on stage to this day, I still get this tingling in my fingers and tingling in my toes. And I know it's adrenaline. And I could go, oh my God, I'm so nervous. Look, my hands are shaking now. And I'm really nervous. I could go, I'm so excited. I love it, love it, love it, love it, love it. And many years ago, I had an experience, probably the first time I really lost the power of lying to yourself. And I was in bed, it was late at night. and the BBC called me and said, can you come on the radio in the morning? We want to talk about the work you've done with this football club and how they've gone from nowhere to being in the Premier League. And I'm like, sure. And they said, well, we'll pick you up at 6:00 a.m. It's very early. And then we'll take you to the studio and just do the radio show. So 6:00 a.m. About 10:00 to 6:00, I got out of bed, cleaned my teeth. I think I half combed my hair, got in the car, went off, sat down. And then all of a sudden they said, actually, No, we're gonna put you straight on the news. So they start to run me across the car park and I'm like, Where's Harriet? Where's Harriet? No, we haven't got time for that. You're going on the news. This is such a great story. Forget about the radio, we want you on the news. So I sat down. Video, TV, yeah. TV and I'm trying to comb my hair, put on a bit of lipstick. I mean, I've just woken up. And the gurney is there and I know it's coming towards me like this and I knew I had a choice. I could go, oh my God, why didn't you put on a nice jacket? Why didn't you comb your hair? Why didn't you put on makeup, why didn't you and I remember saying I have a choice now I've got 30 seconds to either go kind of idiot you or to go I love it so I'm going to go I love it, I love it, I love it, I love being live on the BBC News, I love it so much, I love it and hear it, so I love it, love it, love it, love it, love it, love it right in my face and then I just did the interview and it was great but if I'd kept saying oh my god I haven't even combed my hair looks so awful and actually one person said, hey, I saw you, well, you didn't comb your hair. I said, I know, it was 6 a.m. but no one at this thought it was so cool what you did with that football team. That was extraordinary. No one else said... One person said... Yeah, that was a girl, of course, and I noticed, but you know... Yeah. But it's the lying to yourself. I can do it. You know, I'm sure you know this very famous story about someone asking a major rock star what it's like. He went, It's amazing. Going on stage is better than an orgasm. You say just before you go on, your fingers tingle and your heart beats and this adrenaline, this is just so awesome and everything is going on. You're shaking, trembling, sweating, heartbeats pounding a million miles a minute and then you go on stage and there they are and they love you and it's like It's better than sex. Now, I cued someone, they said, why did you stop performing? They said, well, the most terrible thing happened to me. You know, every time I was about to go on stage, my fingers would tingle and my heart beats so fast. And then I get all this adrenaline and I started sweating and I realized I was having a massive panic attack. And it happened every time. So I retired from performing. So, You see, they both lie to themselves. She said it was a panic attack. He said it was better than sex. But it's better to say, this is exciting. This is thrilling. This is amazing. Even when it isn't. When someone's putting a needle in your arm and you go, oh, is that going to hurt? Both of them go, I'm so great. And I'm just reading my phone here. Oh, look at that. That's fantastic. I'm oblivious to what's going on in my arm. And by the way, needles so fine now that I wouldn't even notice it. So it is a lie, but it's a good lie. And we all lie to, when you say, I'm just rubbish, I'm just useless. I don't even know why I'm here. Who's ever going to want me? Well, isn't that a lie? That's a lie. Why would you say that? You know, some of the most happily married women in the world have got scars, flaws, and yet they have people that worship them. And some of the most beautiful women in the world go, yeah, but you know, I've got big feet or I've got this downy hair on my legs. I don't know what to say. Yeah, this mole or when I do that, I've got this fat. And they lie to themselves. I am not enough is the biggest lie in the world. That's why I founded the I'm enough movement. Because it's a lie. No baby says, I'm not enough because I haven't got a dad or I haven't got any teeth yet or I've got these milk spots, I've got no hair. And so when we say, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not attractive enough, I'm not interested, that is a lie because my grandkids say every pan has a lid. And then when I got married to John, I said, I found my lid and he found his lid and I'm far from perfect and so is he. But these people that wait, they're waiting to be prettier, thinner, richer, more interesting. They're missing out on so much love because that's a lie. You don't have to be perfect to be loved. You have to be you. And you'll never get to perfect. Perfect is a race and as you run towards it they move the finishing line again and again and again. And I've met many people who appear to be perfect and they are always the unhappiest of all my clients and always the loneliest too. Because that's a lie. There isn't a perfect person on the planet and many of my clients are supermodels so you know, it becomes, it's horrible, everyone expects me to be amazing. Eric Clapton's wife, Pattie, I mean they wrote, and George Harrison wrote for her, Something in the Way youy Move. Tracks me like no other lover and Eric wrote Wonderful Tonight and Layla. And I asked her once what that was like. She said it was horrible, horrible. People expected this goddess to walk in the room and I always felt I was going to disappoint them.

Wow.

Which is such a shame because she is actually a lovely, lovely person, Patty. But just because she was a supermodel on the COVID of Vogue and she said I looked for every flaw. And you know what? I always found it because if you look for flaws. That's one of the rules of the mind. You find what you look for. If you look for what's wrong, of course you'll find it. If you look for what's right, you'll find that. If you look for why you're not enough, of course you'll find it. If you look for why you are enough just the way you are, you're enough because you're enough. Yeah. So everything's a lie.

Lie to yourself.

Tell yourself a better story.

Lie cheat steal.

Well, aren't we all doing that now? I'm locked. I'm in lockdown. I mean, I'm in quarantine. Nobody's in quarantine. Quarantine is when you're in a tent in a hospital, nobody can go in. That's quarantine. Yeah, you're fine. We're not in quarantine. We're not cooped up, stuck, trapped. No one's taken away. Not a prisoner. No, we're not a prisoner. But you see, this is the lie. The lies we say, I've got to be a great A student. I'm not enough. I'm rubbish. And You might as well say, since we all lie to ourselves, the freeway is killing me. Isn't that a lie? My job makes me want to die. Well, that's a lie. If I get rejected one more time, I'll jump under a train. But that's a lie. I've eaten non-stop for 24 hours. Really? Did you pee? Yes. Did you eat while you were peeing? No. Did you sleep? Yes. So did you pee? No. So you just said you eight non-stop for 20 bucks. That's a lie. My legs are the size of a house. That's a lie. I've got a barn the size of. I've got. Sorry. I've got a bum the size of a city. That's a lie. I should say butt. My butt is the size of a small city. It's a lot. I can eat enough. I. It's not just an army eats. All of these things are lies. My kid wants to kill myself. My partner is making me go crazy. I'm insane with tiredness. I'm shattered. I'm exhausted. They're all lies. You're not. You need a bit of sleep. My kids are nightmen. No, they're age appropriate. So we all lie. So tell yourself a better lie. And you'll have a whole better life.

Tell yourself a better lie. Live a better life. What do you think is your greatest challenge that you face internally, personal challenge, as someone who's helped thousands, tens of thousands of people personally, and understand all this stuff?

I suppose it's not a challenge to get more people to understand it, because people need it. You know, we all need to be nourished. You know, we need nourishment. Our soul needs to be nourished. It's not about organic avocado. from an Erlon Market. That's great. But we all need this emotional nourishment. So is it a challenge getting more people to accept it? I don't think it is because everyone I see, oh my God, I love that. And so I'll go, you know, I. I listened to you. Oh, that's rubbish. But then I found myself going into the garage and saying nice stuff to myself. So maybe my only challenge, but even then it's not a challenge, is I would say half the medical love what I do and really go for it and go, oh my God, this is amazing. I'm using it with my own patients. The other half go, this is all silly. Illness is caused by disease. You can't talk yourself better. Talking to yourself doesn't make any difference. You can't possibly give birth just using positive affirmations. It's like if you had cancer and you had a very good oncologist who might go, Look, you know, the way you think, the way you eat, the way you act, the way you rest can all affect. And I go, no, you've got cancer, chemotherapy, there's nothing else that will work. And all that stuff is hocus pocus. So that is a challenge. But it's not so much because I find so many doctors love what I do and go, wow, you know, all these illnesses are autoimmune illnesses. Many years ago, there was a wonderful psychiatrist in London called Dr. Maudsley. and he had a great expression, it's always been my favorite, and it says, the feeling that cannot find its expression in tears may cause other organs to weep. So he knew 100 years ago.

That's beautiful.

So beautiful and so true. The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will cause other organs to weep. So he's sort of saying, if you don't feel the feeling, your body's gonna feel it. If you don't open your mouth and say you hurt me. Don't be surprised if you get a screaming headache. I've got this screaming headache. I've got this angry red rash. I've got this thumping pain. And by the words they're using, angry screaming, they're saying, I have rage that can't come out. I'm not expressing it, but it's coming out. Yeah, because the body is very clever at finding something. I worked with someone who couldn't walk and always said, I can't stand there. I can't stand my ex, I can't stand my life, I can't stand my kids, and you can't stand up. Isn't that interesting?

Wow.

She had sort of phantom leg pains because she couldn't stand anything. Bulimia's also, well, what makes me sick is my sister-in-law. Oh, I'm so sick of her. She just makes me sick. I vomit in my mouth every time I hear her voice. And then they wonder why they're bulimic. Right. Because our words that really affect our reality Partly because, and it's such an easy thing to say, every word you say is a blueprint that your mind, body and psyche are working to make your reality. So we make our thoughts and our thoughts make us and we go out into the world and we justify our thoughts every day. But our words are a blueprint and when you know that you think, well I better pay attention to that blueprint. I better not say this kid is killing me. My job is making me want to die. I'm so stressed out by what? The queue in Hughes Market. Well go to Zimbabwe where there is no Hughes Market and there is no queue and there's no money to buy food anyway. Then you can say you're stressed because your problem, the queue in error one and the bill, is someone else's fantasy dream come true. This freeway is killing you. You have a car. Look at people on four buses. I used to take my daughter to school and I remember one day thinking that, oh my God, this commute is hell. And I saw someone at a bus and thought, how lucky I'm in my car. I've got the heating, I've got a cup of tea, I've got an hour to listen to something. I can talk to my kid. I keep saying, I want an hour to myself. Well, here it is. And I learned to stop doing that. But when you said, how are you? Nightmare. It is torture. What? The traffic. Yeah, the traffic, the queue. People keep ringing me, the phone ringing, it's torture. Well, maybe if it didn't ring, that might be worse. Some of my clients who are models will say, My life is hell, because people look at me. It's like, Really? Well, one day they won't, and then you might miss it. Yeah, but I get on a plane and guys hit on me, it's a nightmare. Well, put on a baseball hat and glasses. Read a book. Then they leave you alone. But that's not a nightmare. It's just mildly inconvenient. It's not hell, it's not killing you. But we use these incredible words. This is torture, this is killing me, this is a disaster. What is? Well, I went to the bathroom and I forgot to pause my movie. That's not a disaster. But when you use those words, because your mind can't differentiate, to feel like it really is a disaster. Disaster.

-The flip side of this, the beautiful part, when we understand and appreciate that our thoughts become reality. -We can create the life of our dreams as well. We can start to manifest our thoughts by visualizing, by telling ourselves what we want, who we want to become, and taking those actions toward it. We can manifest our dreams.

-You really can. You can stop being ill. You can change the shape of of your body, you can change your digestion, you can have physical things, you can change the way you interact with your kids, the way they... So here's a good example. My kid is a nightmare. Change that to my child is age-appropriate.

There you go.

That's it. This builder's gonna go, oh my God, that's a disaster. But a good builder will go, it's a challenge. When you said talking to girls is terrifying, you just changed that to it's challenging. But hey, There's hundreds of girls out there. It's a numbers game. One will say yes. And even if they say no, the only risk in life is not to take the risk. That's the risk if you don't take, when you take the risk and it goes wrong, you learn something.

It gives you feedback for how to show up differently the next time. My girlfriend's a doctor of physical therapy and when she works on people, she would agree with everything you're saying because people's bodies are so tight, not because of something they tore or something sore, but it's because they're holding on to something emotionally. And she says once they start to talk, their bodies relax and the pain goes away.

All the pain where they can't lift.

Their shoulder, they can't turn their neck, once they let it out their feelings about their relationship or their insecurities or whatever it may be, that's when they have a pain-free body.

Because the body keeps score, the body holds on to pain and and tension and grief and we carry around all this stuff and yet we really don't have to if just more people knew even to say I'm enough every day. And to say another of my favorite things is I'm choosing this and I'm choosing to feel great. I'm choosing to work on my website all week and I'm choosing to go to the gym. I don't love it but I love having a six-pack. I'm choosing to say no to Krispy Kreme donuts and yes to apples.

Love Krispy Kremes.

Do you?

I could eat 12 of them right now. Oh, so good. But I choose to eat the empty.

Yeah, and if you say, I'm choosing to do this and choosing to feel great about it, your mind has a very clear image. The way you feel about everything is down to two things: the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. There's nothing else. So if you choose to run, going, I'm running, so I'm raising money for charity, so I'm going to this run even though my feet hurt, my knee hurts because I'm going to raise money. But you could run going, oh I hate this. I could be at home watching Netflix, I haven't eaten and then my knee hurts and then you'll have to stop. So when you keep saying I'm choosing it. Yeah so if you're an Olympic athlete you would choose to get up at 4am and train. If you are a diabetic you choose to put a needle in your arm, if you wear lenses you choose to jab your your finger in your eye, but you don't go, oh I hate it, I can't accept it and I can't change it. And when you say I'm choosing to study, to work, I want to go and talk to this girl I really like or to put good food in my body and I'm choosing to feel great about that too. There is no resistance. When you go, I want donuts and I can't have them, I've got to eat this freaking rabbit food. What your mind does is it creases that are for donuts because you said, I want donuts, but I can't have them. I want pizza. I'm eating kale. I can't have these, but I choose to use pizza. I can eat pizza every day. When I'm 95, I'm going to knock myself out with pizza. But right now I actually want to look really good in my clothes, maybe out of them, too. So I'll save the pizza when I'm 80 because that door is probably shut then anyway. Then you can have loads of pizza every day. But you have to reason with your mind and negotiate, and your mind will always just do what it thinks you want. That's its job. And if you could only tell your mind what you want using relevant up to the minute words, you'll get exactly what you want.

What do you struggle with telling your mind? Is there anything that you...

It took me a long time to tell my mind not to eat sugar. I still look at it and go, It looks so nice.

That's me.

But I still look at candy. The other day I was really tired and so I went into a shop to get a coffee and they had jars of jellies and I thought I could eat all of those.

All of it.

But I'm choosing not to and I just had the coffee. So working out, you know, we're on a schedule, sometimes just finding the time to go to the gym or do yoga, making the time. Yeah, that's probably the only two really eating healthy food all the time, even on a plane, even sometimes where there is no healthy food, then you've got to wait and choosing to make myself actuals, I don't want to, but other than that, nothing really, because I'm, I couldn't do what I do unless I was really good at dialogue. My mind is my best friend. It's the best PA I've ever had, and it does what I want because I give it clear instructions.

What do you say to yourself on a daily basis? Is there like a process in the morning, afternoon, night, or what would it be like?

Actually, when I wake up, the first thing I always say is I love I love my life. I love my linen, I love my cup of tea. I always wake up going, I love my life. And then when I make my coffee, I love this tea. I love the coffee. I love the shower gel in my shower. Because I really believe that if you can make your mind get excited by little things, then big things every day is like Christmas. And I think when you wake up, you should go, oh, What have I got today? Oh, a world of stress. I've got this, this, this, this, this. So you should always wake up and go, I love my life. I'm alive in a free country. I've got all this stuff to make tea and life is great. So I do that. The second thing I do is I tend to stay in bed and do all my emails because then I feel like I'm not working. Because I'm in bed propped up, drinking my tea and I get all of that out of the way. Yes, very relaxed.

More relaxed.

Not stressed. I try not to have to rush to go to base, but sometimes I do. And I mean, I'm very lucky because I love what I do and I do what I love. People say, you work really hard. I go, I've never worked a day in my life. I don't know what that is. I don't have to go. Where's my life? Is a weekend. We'll say, oh, the weekend. I go, what's a weekend? I can take time off. I mean, I love my job because I get to make such a difference. So I don't really have much to moan about. Maybe communicating with my daughter is sometimes a challenge because I'm so positive that she occasionally wants me to be super negative.

Why is that?

Well, I guess because you have to be the opposite of your parents. So I do all these positive. She's an artist and she does lots of negative statements on her paintings, on her t-shirts because that's the deal. You've got to be the opposite of your. parents, but I understand that. But she's great, but really I don't have much to complain about.

You have a positive conversation with yourself pretty much 24/7. What about a nightly routine? Do you have a boss that you say to yourself?

Well, you see, for me, I really believe that first it's what you do and then it's who you are. So first you're doing it and then it's who you are and it's so who you are. that it wouldn't occur to you to have to make yourself do it. See, I would never sit on the couch like, my case is lost, I just know it, it's all going to go wrong, there's no cabs out there, this is a horrible flight. I now have a belief, and it really, it's just me, that there's no such thing as being bored if my flight is late. I mean, I just get on my laptop, on my phone, I mean, it's, I have 24 hour entertainment empty, yeah, my emails, look at something, the days of having to wait and being bored, even waiting in the car, my little phone is like everything, books, messages, videos. And so I love that. I don't really mind about missing stuff and being late anymore. In fact, when I was last landing here two weeks ago, I was hoping to remember because I was so into this movie. Hopefully it's delayed.

Yeah, it was delayed.

When the pilot said, we've got to go around, I thought, oh, that's so great. That's exactly how long is left of this movie. But I think it's important for people to understand that it isn't what you do. It's a bit like people who say I've done yoga every day and now it's just my soul. Like Meghan Markle said that yoga is in my soul. I don't do yoga. Yoga is part of my life. It's like you don't say I walk my dog. If you've had a dog for 20s, just get up, pick up the lead and it's who you are not what you do. And so for me, it really isn't what I do because it's so a part of me and I like it. And so I'm quite lucky that I'm pretty happy and positive, but I really do love my life and that's a good thing.

Was there ever something in the last 10 years that questioned everything that you've done or that questioned your ability to say, I love my life, you know?

I did get very sick like a year ago and I thought, wow, how can how could that happen? You know, I'm so happy and positive and eat well, so I was a bit surprised when I got sick. But then I thought, how did you get through that? The same thing, the thinking, the belief. I decided I'd focus on massive healing. I kept telling my body that it was a cancer fighting machine. I was making all these NK killer cells. And I did actually go home the next day. I was on stage a week later, and my doctor was like, wow, you become the poster girl for just going on with your life. And now I look at one particular YouTube and think that's so bizarre. I had like major surgery just a week before that and you'd never know. But again it's a belief. I decided I do wellness. I said to the husband, I need to go home. And I went and I got into my own bed. I watched Ray Donovan. I thought, this is it. I'm doing wellness here. I'm not going to lie in that bed. they keep trying to give you pills. And I didn't feel any pain at all because I just kept telling my body to heal itself. And then later I thought, maybe it's good I got that because I can help other people. And I go, Look, you know, life throws stuff at you, but you get to choose how to deal with it. And even then I noticed that I was very positive because I had actually got womb cancer. I thought, I'll take a stroke of luck to get womb cancer. I don't need a womb. it's done its job. I've had a great kid. I talked to my womb and said thanks for giving me this great kid, but now I've got to get rid of you because I've got to stay here and raise this great kid. And I thought that's good. I mean imagine if you get brain cancer or bone cancer, I felt very lucky it was a disposable organ. They've done a great job. I didn't need it. And so I think once you become like that, it's just who you are. So I never had, oh my god.

I'm gonna die, because I thought, no.

I'm not going anywhere.

All perspective, yeah.

It is all perspective. I mean, I still, you know, people would say to me, But I thought you were so healthy, how could you get that? As it turns out, I have that same gene that Angelina Jolie has. But then, of course, Bruce Lipton would tell you, you can turn off a gene. You can mentally remove that gene. So even with adversity, because it's quite good in a way, because people think, oh, your life's just, you're like Pollyanna, just tripping along, having a wonderful life. That's not true. I've still had adversity. But your mind will always kick in when it's well trained. You go, this is a blip. Just a blip, just carry on. And so you've got to train your mind like you train a horse. You know, I say your mind's like a Ferrari. And if you've never driven a Ferrari, it's going to go all over the place. But if you have Ferrari driving lessons, you're gonna run that Ferrari. The Ferrari should not be running you. If you get on a horse, you've never ridden it, it's gonna go everywhere. But if you have some horse riding skills, you say go there, and it goes, so I see my mind like a horse, and I am the rider, but I'm gonna tell my mind where to go, and it's gonna do it.

If you wanna learn more about how to master your mind, check out this next video right here. So when people begin to disengage, and get beyond themselves. You are at your absolute best when you get beyond yourself. Now, getting the person to that point. How does someone get to that point?

Yeah.

So we teach them that formula. We teach them.