The SECRET To Finding Your Purpose | Lewis Howes

You should be satisfied. You should wake up feeling satisfied with your life. Would you want to have lived an unsatisfied life? I don't want that for myself. I don't want that for you. I don't think any of us should live that way. I would like for all of us to consider that even when things are bad and going wrong, you can still be satisfied.

What are your thoughts on the idea of never be satisfied?

You know what? I understand why somebody would say that. You know, like you should always be hungry. You should always be chasing. That's a good motivator to get the next thing so that you wake up and you want to go get it. But that's a terrible way to live. It's like, I vehemently disagree with the concept that you should never be satisfied. It's like, you should be satisfied. You should be satisfied. You should wake up feeling satisfied with your life. It doesn't mean that you don't want the next thing. Of course you want the next thing. But like, If life were to end today, would you want to have lived an unsatisfied life? Would you want, like I think, I really do think of Peter at those last days, you know, and think about all the things that he was unsatisfied about. I don't want that for myself. I don't want that for you. I don't think any of us should live that way. So be satisfied. You know, and that doesn't mean lesser than.

Be satisfied even if you're just starting out as an assistant getting coffee. If you're the CEO, if you're anywhere in between, if you're in an off season.

Yes. Be satisfied. Be satisfied with how wonderful you have it. You know, even the least of us, even the people who are in this terrible place, like I said, We can be satisfied. Like the day after Peter died, actually no. It was a few days later because we were having his funeral. He died on December 11, 2013. It was four days before his 44th birthday. And so on his 44th birthday, December 15, we had his funeral and made it a party. And I was sitting there and kind of in a haze, but then also that moment of clarity. where I'm looking around the room and his fraternity brothers are drinking beers and they're sharing stories about him. And my daughter's sleeping on my mom's lap and I've got my sisters in the corner trying to busy themselves, getting out plates of food and whatnot, and see people connecting. And it was the oddest thought. I looked around and I was just like, wow. This is a good group of people. This is a great place to be, to have this. And so I was satisfied in that moment. The most terrible thing had happened in my life. But I was looking around and feeling very satisfied with who I had around me. And that, I think, is what I would like for all of us to consider. That even when things are bad and going wrong, you can still be satisfied. You can still feel like, this is it. And it is okay.

I'm a big fan of the title of the book, the Urgent Life. And when I saw this, I was just thinking to myself, yes, right away, because we have similar, completely different experiences, but similar feelings probably from experiences we've had. My father got in an accident. He had a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for three months when I was 21. And I remember we didn't know if he was gonna live or die. But he eventually woke up after three months. And he was a completely different person. He was physically alive, but emotionally and mentally kind of gone. It took him a while to learn how to talk again. He wasn't able to work anymore. He had amnesia, so when I'd see him, You'd be like, what's your name again? It was just a different type of relationship, right? I had to learn to love my father for who he was and start to grieve the man that he once was before. And I remember thinking he was in his early 50s when this happened. He had worked so hard for 30 years as a life insurance salesman where he finally was starting to make money where he could travel and have some freedom in his life. and he was starting to feel like he was happy for the first time, fully happy. And then this accident happened. And I remember being really angry at life that my dad didn't get to go live the rest of his life the way he wanted to. And I felt like I had so much urgency to go pursue everything I wanted. Like from that moment on, I was like, I'm not gonna let any fear or insecurity hold me back. it might still be there, but I'm at least going to take the actions on my goals, my dreams, and live urgently because what if this happens to me? What if I get in a car accident tomorrow? And something like that happens to me, I'd be sad that I didn't at least go try. And this, again, completely different experience you had, but it created a feeling of urgency in your life with your ex-husband, right? With your husband, which was, almost 10 years ago.

Yeah.

Is that right?

Yeah. Ten years this December.

And can you explain the story about what had happened with your husband around wanting to get divorced and then cancer situation and how this, how being in a very dark, sad, challenging time, sad.

Time.

Wanted you to create urgency at the same time and live into your best self during sadness. Can you explain a little bit about that?

Well, first of all, I really appreciate what you just said and shared about your dad, you know, because I feel that for all of us who are living this life on this like hurdling rock that we call home, we don't always have to have had the same experience to understand essentially the concept of what I'm talking about. Right. You know, this need for urgency. And it's not necessarily about the rush through life. It's about the intention. Knowing, like you said, I wanna do these things because what if? So then you're intentional about saying, okay, I wanna live a big life, or I wanna go do this thing that I'm dreaming of, or I wanna push a little harder because what if? And the same thing for me in that, I don't think of the end of life in this morbid way where I'm just like, oh, today might be my last day. I'll think of it in a morbid way. It's very inspiring to me actually. It makes me wanna get up and go do the thing. And again, it's not about a rush, it's like I wanna make the best use of my time that I have. I don't know how long it is, but I wanna make the best use of it. And I'm also conscious of the fact that I won't do everything. And so that means that I have to be very intentional about the things I choose to do. Because if you walk around thinking like, oh, I have the time, I'll just do everything at some point, Then maybe you don't get to do anything at all. So I'm intentional in knowing that like, oh, okay, I might not get a chance to complete everything, so what's the most important thing? And then I want to do those things. And so at the time in December of 2013 when Peter passed away, we were there, you know, where the stories are true. You're sitting at the deathbed and you're talking about all the things you wish you'd done.

Is that what he was saying?

Oh, yeah. We talked about so much.

Oh, man.

The things he wanted to do, his hopes and dreams, what he wants for Lael, our daughter, like what he wanted for her in the future. You know, all of those things. And I was sitting there listening and thinking and crying and making promises and all of the things, and knowing that I need to change the way I live. You know, he wouldn't have a chance to do it over. So I need to do it. You know? And it was such a dark time also because we were already going through so much on top of being at death's door. You know, that like our marriage had fallen apart. We had been separated for a couple of years already through so much. Oh, gosh. Additional traumas that happened to us, misunderstandings, anger, you know, that we couldn't overcome with just love.

Unmet expectations, everything.

Oh man, you think love conquers everything and love is not enough.

Love is not enough.

Love is not enough. You know, love is not enough. And it was all of that turmoil that led us to that moment where I am sitting holding his hand and his breath gets shallower and shallower, you know, and thinking about all the things I would have done differently if I had a shot to do it again. You know, it's not necessarily that like, oh, I wish life had turned out differently. It's just that I wish I had been motivated differently.

What were you motivated by before then?

Oh, man. I think at that time I was motivated by just my own need for my own life, you know, not really focused on anybody else's. And that sounds very selfish, but that's where I was. You know, it was not, I was a mother and a wife, but I was so only focused on myself.

Really?

Yeah. At that time.

Yeah.

I mean, it's like, you know, there was so much that had happened on my path to motherhood. And it's another one of the things that, like, you know, now I talk about so openly because we also paint motherhood like it's supposed to be like this great, amazing thing that like, oh, you get pregnant, and all of a sudden, it's like, oh, all this love shows up from nowhere, and you're just, like, encapsulated by this person. It's like, no, that actually doesn't happen all of the time.

You know, moments of that might happen. Moments of that might happen, but it's not-- the majority of the time is probably like cleaning diapers and feeding and.

Pumping and all the things and sitting there and being like, oh hell, I made a mistake. This is not what I wanted in my life, you know? And struggling with that. And there were so many times where I thought about that. It was like, wow, like, you know, is this life what I actually wanted? And so then at that moment in December of 2013, I was like, oh no, I have to make the life that I want. I have to make it. I have to be an active participant.

What was the biggest lesson during that time you feel like you learned? about his regrets, about him not doing the things that he wanted to do. What opened up for you during that time that shifted if anything did shift for you in that?

This might sound funny, but I think logic is what surprised me most. The logic of things. The writing down, it's almost like the writing down of the plan. Things that make sense, 'cause you're like, oh, I'm gonna do these things.