This content was created by Lewis Howes. This content was uploaded by Lewis Howes. This is a YouTube video titled "This Is What She REALLY Wants From You!" created on December 14, 2025. The content features a discussion among multiple speakers, including Evie, about communication styles, specifically contrasting instructional versus identity-based approaches in relationships.
Chapters
It sounds actually like your girlfriend is.
Actually more of an identity based person.
What does that mean?
Okay, so there's instructional, there's identity. So if I'm talking to you and I want to tell you, you know.
You want to tell me basically, Evie.
If you stop talking to this person, your life will be easier, right? You know, cut this person out of your life.
Right?
And I'm like, no, I want to.
Tell you how I feel.
No, this makes me feel this way. This makes me feel that way.
But.
But you don't know.
And you're just kind of like, all.
You have to do is cut them.
Out of your life.
Cut this person out of your life.
Or all you have to do is this one thing.
Problem solved. You are instructional. Let's just get to the point. What do we got to do to fix it? One, two, three, done.
Identity is. I don't want to hear that. I want to take you on the journey with me to tell you how I feel. This person, or when we are in.
That space, this means this person just wants to tell you how they're feeling.
They want to tell you about their identity. What's happening is about their identity.
So they don't want.
She doesn't want your solution.
No.
She doesn't want you to tell you what to do.
She wants you to listen to her.
And so just. It's not even about solving it.
Right.
And so I think that's another place.
Where we get stuck.
We like, here, here's the solution.
And it's like, no, no, I don't want that.
And you're like, but you're telling me you have this problem if you just do this. You're instructional.
Their identity.
What are you?
I'm typically instructional.
I'm very like, just tell me what I need to know.
I don't need to go through the circle. But when I speak to other people and I realize that their identity or.
In that moment, they want to tell.
Me this whole story.
And I'm just like, dude, all we.
Got to talk about this one little thing.
Problem solved. I let them go.
Wow.
If you have the patience.
It depends what the topic is, but.
She'S identity based, so I think every.
Time you talk with her, if you.
See that she's like not wanting to get to the point and figure out.
The solution where she just wants to tell you about her feelings, how this makes her feel, or how this hurts her, or if it's about her. Her identity, then that's what she's doing.
