This LIFE ADVICE Will Leave You Speechless! (CHANGE EVERYTHING) | Muniba Mazari

There is no such thing as overnight achievement. No, if it comes easy, it goes easy. I can sit in the corner of the room and they dream all day long, but nobody's going to come and serve success on a plate.

Right. Right?

So I have to be optimistic, but I have to be.

I think you gotta have a dream. The School of Greatness. Really? Yeah. Please welcome Lewis Howes. Can you explain a little bit about your story from when you had a car accident and how everything in your life changed to where it is now.

Well, Louis, I've always believed that some accidents and incidents are so strong that they change your DNA. They deform your body, but they truly transform your soul. And the same incident happened 14 years ago. I was in a major car crash. It was a really bad one. I sustained numerous injuries and I always put a disclaimer before I share the long list of my injuries. It's a bit long, don't get scared. Radius ulna of my right arm got fractured, my shoulder bone and collar bone got fractured, my lungs and liver were badly injured because my rib cage got fractured and I had immense internal bleeding. But this injury that really changed my life and that changed me as a human in blink of an eye completely was my spinal cord injury. Three vertebrae of my backbone got completely crushed and I got paralyzed right then and there. The place where this incident happened was a far-flung area where there was no ambulance, there was no first aid, no hospitals. So when people in the local area saw this woman in the car, she was stuck there, they just wanted to help me out. They wanted to save my life. So they dragged me out of the car. which destroyed my spinal cord forever. So I've been using wheelchair for past 14 years. I am half way down paralyzed. There's no mobility, no sensation, no bladder and bowel control and that's the gist of this whole incident. I was taken later to a good hospital where I underwent multiple surgeries. There's a lot of titanium in my arm, a lot of titanium in my backbone, you know, and that's what it is. A lot of people in Pakistan, because of that, call me the iron lady because I have so much iron in my body. It's so funny, but that's what it is. That's what I've been through.

I'm curious, when you grew up, when you were growing up, here's me going off and adding a digital question for you. When you were growing up, what was the dream for you? Did you have a dream that you wanted to do something with your life, or was the dream just to kind of go through and do what your your parents wanted you to do and get a, you know, education and see what happens. What was the dream?

My dream. You know what? I celebrated my 21st birthday in ICU. So my life did not give me that much chance to think about what I really wanted to do. But all I always aspired to be was to become an artist. I loved art. That kept me going. That kept me sane. that is all that I wanted to be. I just wanted to become an artist. And then life happens and that happened to me. You know how in split second everything changed. So yes, for a 21 year old, there was too much to absorb. So I call this accident my rebirth because it really, really changed me as a person. It literally changed my DNA. And I'll tell you later that how I realized this, that I am a new person altogether.

What was the thing that you feel like you learned the most from this rebirth? That when you were growing up, maybe you had one belief or one way of thinking that after or during or after this experience in the hospital and in this rebirth that you started to think in a different way. What was that way of thinking?

You know, pain is a beautiful thing. It's a great teacher. It teaches you so much. And there is a huge difference between pain and suffering. I was in constant pain after the accident. You know, I spent a lot of time in hospital, about two and a half months. I was in the hospital, then I got discharged and I was bedridden in my home, confined for two consecutive years because I developed massive pressure sores on my body.

So that's- Two years.

Yes.

So two months in the hospital and then two years at home where you- oh my gosh.

Because the sores were just not healing. So I was bedridden for two years and two and a half months of my life. And as I said, that pain teaches you so much, Louis. I mean, when I was in the hospital, the first thing that I learned was hospital is a place where people become so brutally honest, especially your doctors, because they have to be honest. They cannot give you false hopes. I always aspired to become an artist, but when my hand was completely fractured, my arm was fractured and my hand was deformed, Pre-surgery and post-surgery, I was crying for this because I could not write a single thing. I could not hold a pen because my fingers were deformed. It was bad. Even right now, I cannot move my wrist. I cannot. It is still deformed.

Oh man.

And I was just crying about it that, you know what? Oh my God, my hand, my arm. I did not realize what I had lost. So one day, doctor came. He was my spine surgeon. brilliant brilliant doctor, a wonderful human being. He came in the room and he said youd know what Maniva, your spine injury is dreadful and nobody wants to operate your back because it's going to be very risky. Your three vertebra are gone completely. But I really want to operate your back because I want you to sit. I do not want you to stay in bed for the rest of your life because you will die. And I looked at him and I said, but what about me walking? And he had his way of, you know, he used to come and punch me in the head. And he looked at me and he punched me in the head and he said, I have to tell you something. You are going to use the wheelchair for the rest of your life. I am not here to make you walk. I'm only here to operate you so that you can sit. And I was like, okay, again, I'm just 21. I had no idea what was happening. It was just happening like this. And then he said, There is something else I want you to know. And I said, what next? He said, It's like one after another, right? Things were changing. And he said, you, won't be able to be a mother.

Oh, wow.

And, you know, that was the point where It really shook me to the core, because I loved kids. And that was the moment when I actually thought, oh my God, something big has happened to me. And now slowly I'm realizing, every day people are coming in and they're saying what you are not able to do. That night was the most painful night of my life. When the doctors left, everyone went. My mother was with me all the time, like Machad was standing next to me. I looked at her and by the time I was very composed and quiet, did not cry, did not scream. But that night when I was told that no walking, no babies, I was devastated. And I looked at my mother and she was reciting something and I looked at her and I said, you, lied to me. You said God loved me. Then how God can do this to me? Here I am, half-fractured, half-paralyzed, laying in bed. I'm in so much pain, like physical pain, psychological pain, emotional pain. I just don't want to live. There is nothing to look forward to. Just pray, I want to die. You know, and I just started crying. And I cried and I cried and I did not stop. And my mother was standing next to me. She was so patient. She held my hands and I was, when I got done crying because I was so tired of crying. You know what? I had a chest tube in my lungs. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't cough. I couldn't sneeze. I couldn't even cry louder because, you know, my rib cage was not there. My lungs were damaged. And so my mother said something beautiful, Luis. She said, you are my only daughter. And you're not the only one who's feeling paralyzed. When I see you in pain, I feel paralyzed too. But let me tell you something. This pain will not last longer. This time will pass because nothing lasts forever. And one day, God will show you why did He choose you out of so many people for this test. So please be patient. And nothing made sense. What she was saying, it did not make sense at all because I was at the verge of despair. And Luis, that was the moment when I realized that when you are at the verge of despair, just one voice of sanity can really save your life. It can save you from drowning in self-doubt. And in my case, when I was in ICU, my mother's voice saved me. So, yes.

Wow.

What was the biggest lesson you learned about yourself during the time those two plus months in the hospital and then also two years at home, biggest lessons you learned about yourself?

I learned that even though my hand was deformed, art kept me sane. It kept me going. That was my only escape. You know, when I was bedridden, I couldn't leave the house. I could not leave the bed. I couldn't take a shower. I couldn't see outside. I was just confined in my room like a caged bird. And art kept me sane. So with the deformed hand, I was just painting those hideous faces and I kept stacking up underneath the bed. And one day, my brother came in the room and he said, you, know what? One day all this stacked up art will be exhibited in a gallery. And I literally laughed. And I said, Come on. You know, it's okay to be optimistic, but be realistic. these are hideous, nobody would like it. But now I realized that my brother was manifesting the best future for me. And the day came when I actually exhibited my work.

Wow.

What I learned about myself being bedridden and because of this whole injury was we human beings are so strong, so strong, yet we are so vulnerable. And this beautiful balance of Strength and vulnerability make us who we are.

And when did you begin to believe in yourself again? The self-doubt must have been so high, so strong for you during this time of asking yourself, what's the point of this? Did God forget me? Does God not love me? Are people in my life really there for me? Do I have any skills that I can use if I can't walk, if I can't use my hand? When did you start to overcome self-doubt and start to actually be way more confident than you've ever been before?

You know, that's what self-acceptance does. It works wonders. And you know, the journey of self-acceptance is never easy because we are so scared. All of us, we have fears, fears of known, fear of unknown. And how I accepted myself, like, is a story. So what happened was when my sores got healed and I managed to sit for the first time after two years and two and a half months, I literally forgot how I used to look on a bigger mirror because I couldn't see myself in a big mirror.

So you were laying down most of the two years.

Yes. I just could not sit because I had massive sores on my back and I just could not sit. So I still remember the day when my brothers brought the wheelchair in my room. And I was in the bed, looked at the wheelchair, and it just hit me at that moment that this wheelchair is my reality now. Not for a week, not for a month, not for a year, but for the rest of my life. This is my reality. So they lifted me and they put me in the wheelchair. and they somehow knew that I needed some space because I was about to meet the new me after so long. And they left the room. And there I was sitting in the wheelchair facing the mirror looking at myself oh God, that was... What did you see? Not a really blissful sight, you know, because I looked at myself with all the chopped off hair because my mother had to cut my hair because we couldn't wash the hair when I was bedridden. I was so weak, I had massive dark circles and I was literally trembling because of weakness because I sat up for so long, I could not actually sit. So when I looked at myself in the mirror at my lowest, I hated that sight. So what I did was there was this lipstick on the table. I picked it up and I applied it. And I looked at my face and I said, what am I even trying to do? I'm trying to look pretty. Do I even realize that I'm in a wheelchair and women in the wheelchair don't need to look pretty? I cleaned it and I applied it again. I cleaned it again and then I cried like a child because I could not accept what I had become. And while I was crying, you know, this was my journey of self-acceptance. And while I was crying, I realized that I have two options. I can sit in the corner of the room and cry and, you know, beg people for their attention, for their mercy, but you know what? People don't have time. When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you cry, you cry alone. or I can wait for a miracle to come and make me walk, but I knew it's never going to happen. Or I can just accept myself the way I am, whatever mess I was at that point. Just accept yourself and move on. And when that happened, everything changed, Louis. Because when you accept yourself the way you are, the world recognizes you. And I think that self-talk that matters. When you are looking at yourself in the mirror without makeup, without filter, it's just you with yourself. The conversation that you have with yourself at that point is the most meaningful, profound, and life-changing conversation. I had that with myself, and rest is history.

What was the conversation, what was the main conversation you had before you accepted yourself in the mirror? And then what is the conversation you have with yourself now when you look at yourself myself in the mirror.

So when I looked at myself in the mirror and I was not accepting myself at all, I could not communicate with myself.

Really?

I was just looking at myself as a no, that is not me. I was this five-seven tall girl at the age of 21, you know? And now this woman in a wheelchair, what a mess. I could not talk. I could not talk to myself. But then the minute I accepted what has happened, I realized one thing that no matter whatever I was left with, I had to carry it with grace, with gratitude. And that's it. And that helped.

And what do you say to yourself now when you look at yourself in the mirror?

Look at you! I'm just kidding. No.

Damn, you look good. You're smart. You're intelligent, you matter, yeah.

You're all of that, no, but honestly, when I look at myself, I just say one thing, just keep going, keep going, keep going, because your journey is not just yours. There are so many people who look at you when they need inspiration, when they need motivation, because motivation dies every day, and even if my presence can make someone's day, I'll do it for them. That's what I say. I don't give compliments to myself.

No.

You should though. You should compliment yourself a little bit.

A little bit, yes.

I'm curious, what is the difference between self-acceptance and also accepting where you're at, but saying, but I want to improve and get better, not just saying, I accept myself. and I'm going to not do anything about how to improve. Is there a difference there? And what is that?

I think self-acceptance is the first step. Then comes self-love and loving yourself. You know, I have always said this, that love yourself, but don't fall in love with yourself. And there's a huge difference between the two.

What is that?

Okay, when you fall in love with yourself, you are unable to see the flaws, the problems, the toxicity because you're so deeply, madly, blindly in love that you just cannot see the problems, right? But when you love yourself, you want to improve, you want to become a better person every day, right? You don't love yourself blindly, You will question your problems, you will try to improve. So love yourself, but don't fall in love with yourself. And that starts the minute you accept yourself the way you are. Then you become to become better, then you try to become better.

Love this. Why do you think people struggle so much with loving themselves and with self-love?

A lot has to do with social media. Especially in today's time and age. You know, we are a generation obsessed with perfection. We want everything perfect. And everything has to be Instagram perfect. Hashtag couple goals. Hashtag beautiful. You know, let's redefine the word beauty. Let's redefine the word perfection. I've always said this and I'll say it again, that I'm perfectly imperfect and that's perfectly all right. I have accepted myself with all the imperfections. Things that I cannot change, the deformity that I have in my body, I cannot fix that. The scars that I have on my body, even though I'm healed, wounds and scars are still there. I'm not ready to change that. I'm okay with that. I've accepted. But what really makes me perfect is how I communicate with people. Am I kind enough? Am I compassionate enough? Am I considerate enough? That makes me perfect. That makes you perfect. And that's what it is.

What would you say is the biggest challenge you face today? The biggest struggle that you're trying to overcome? Maybe it's something internally or externally. Is there anything that you're facing with now?

Right now, not really. I think, but when this happened 14 years back, you know, wheelchair is always, I don't know why, but it's always been a symbol of pain and suffering and weakness and oh my God, poor girl. I've heard this so many times that she's too pretty to be in the wheelchair. I was like, what are you trying to do? Are you trying to praise me or trying to make me feel bad? Then, you know, and in the worst case scenario, I've heard people saying that she must have done something wrong. That's why God punished her. But wait, I was just 21. What did I do wrong to deserve this? You know, so it took me a while to let the world know that, you know, this wheelchair is not adversity. This wheelchair is not weakness. this wheelchair is not suffering. It's the part of my body now. This wheelchair is not an accessory anymore. It's me. Wheelchair alone is nothing. But when I sit in the wheelchair, that's the package. Talk to that package now. Talk to that human being now. Yes, I have problems. Yes, I cannot walk. I know that. But then there is so much more that I can do and I'm doing in my life. You know, so the biggest challenge was to change the mindset, which I think has changed with time because it's been 14 years now.

Yeah.

What was the biggest thing within your mindset that shifted?

In my mindset. You know what? I have made peace with the fact that no matter how amazing you are, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how cool you are, There will always be haters, there will be naysayers, there will be disbelievers because you cannot be liked and loved by everyone. Some people will hate you for some reason, some will hate you for no reason, appreciate it and acknowledge just the way you appreciate all the love, let's acknowledge all the disliking too.

How do you manage that when people discount you or maybe talk negative about you online or wherever? How do you Personally deal with it.

You know, I've always prayed for those who see their failure in my success. Those who hate you today, they were once dreamers who gave up on their dreams.

Oh, wow.

Right? Haters were once dreamers. They just gave up. So when they see a woman in a wheelchair doing something, they have to hate me. Because, you know, a lot of people said that, oh, just because she's in the wheelchair, she got the chance to do all this. Dude, you are walking around. Right? You had the chance too, but you were too busy hating on people. You missed the chance. So I understand. I'm an empath. I understand, you know, why is that hatred coming? You know, and again, pray for those who see their failure in your success. Hating is not easy.

It's exhausting.

Yeah.

It's exhausting. I mean, like imagine every day, I mean, I will be posting all the good stuff on my social media. You will be posting all the amazing stuff you're doing on social media. And they're just sitting in the room doing nothing and just hating. Who is the sufferer? We are not suffering. They are. So they need empathy and kindness.

Did you always have this belief for the last 14 years, or when you started to put your message out there and share your story, was it painful and hurtful for you at one point, or you always have this perspective?

I think perspectives change. I was always a very grateful person. Not before the accident. I used to crib a lot. Because I was too young and I was too naive. But you know with time, yes with time I realized that you know everyone is fighting an unseen battle Louis everyone and we are so good at the art of concealing the pain that we are in all of us yous know the methodology changes yous know there are certain ways that we conceal pain sometimes we share sometimes we don't but we all are going through something in life every day and you know, and I realized that if I think that I'm the one who's the most broken one, no, I have traveled around the world, I have met so many people and they had shared their very personal stories of how broken they are and let me tell you, none of them were in the wheelchair. So there are so many people who are walking around, who are perfectly fine, they are running their businesses, They are so broken from within. All they want is to be understood. They want someone who can understand their pain. You know, and I feel so blessed that when people look at me, when they see me in the wheelchair, maybe, you know, they just think that because she is in pain, we can talk to her because she can understand what we are going through.

Why do you think so many people are broken? in the world who maybe aren't in a wheelchair, who have able-bodied let's say, don't have a disformed body or something, but they're broken. Where do you think that brokenness is coming from for so many people?

Too many expectations from people. Too many expectations. You know, we want to get into a relationship because we want happiness. We want to feel complete, right? Soul mates. No, you are your own soul mate, period. You know, if you are not in a good relationship with yourself, you will be miserable even if you are in a relationship with someone. That's why people are broken. My happiness cannot be taken by someone because my happiness does not come from someone. Nobody is giving me my joy. I am the reason of my own joy. If we manage to understand this tiny little truth about life, we will heal. And time doesn't heal you, you heal you. You need to sit down with yourself and think, do you love yourself enough? You know? And if you love yourself enough and you believe in self-love, no external force will ever be able to break you.

How do we learn to love ourselves if we have been telling ourselves for so long, I'm not lovable or I had this accident or I went through a breakup in a relationship and they left me or they abandoned me or whatever it might be. How do we not let outside factors dictate our feelings about ourselves? and not let the fear of abandonment of people or people's love hold us back from loving ourselves.

Yes, the fear of abandonment, we all have that. And we need to overcome this fear. You know, when I always say when wrong people leave, right things start to happen. And we all are living a life story. You have your own story, I have my story. My brothers have their story, my mother has her own story. And when you find yourself in the wrong story, just leave. If someone is not adding value to your life story or if you are not adding value to someone's life story, leave. Sometimes it takes letting go to realize we are holding on to nothing. We are too busy clinging on to those relationships which are not meant to be in our journey. you know and that's why I say that these people are so toxic with time they become so toxic for you that you know what your presence in their life is their only definition and they will never want you to leave because they are so weak they want to stay in your shadow so you need to pick and choose this person is toxic leave. Liberate yourself by setting all these extra people free who do not belong to your journey. You know, and these people will always weigh you down. And if there's something is weighing you down, how will you fly high? You know, and fear of Abandonment. If you can manage to overcome this fear again, when you are on your own completely, that is where you will understand that Solitude is very powerful.

So powerful.

It's very powerful.

Yeah.

You know, because even in that silence, you're having a conversation. I mean, there is no energy vampire around me. I'm on my own and I'm manifesting the best things for myself. I would never trade my Solitude to anything because when I am alone on my own, I am the best version of myself.

Really?

Because I'm kind to myself. Yes.

You're kind to yourself?

Yes.

How much time did you spend alone after the accident?

So I have this really cool habit. I switch off. So even when I'm surrounded by a lot of people, I'm actually not there most of the times.

Really?

Yes, I'm just thinking, you know what? Recently I was thinking about something that when I was talking about that how, you know, this beautiful balance of strength and vulnerability makes us who we are. I was thinking about it the other day that I've experienced this balance on daily basis. You know, when I see my social media, you know, when I read emails and people sending beautiful messages that, you know, how your words have empowered us and you know because of you we're not never going to give up. It gives me so much strength, you know and I say to myself oh my God, I'm so strong and then at the night time when I'm thirsty I'm unable to get up and get a glass of water for myself.

Right?

That's my reality and how wonderful I am at that moment. So this strength and this vulnerability.

So.

I need to have my own moment with myself where I am willing to understand myself better. That if I am vulnerable, that's okay. I'm strong too. And the perfect balance of these two things make me who I am.

Mm-. I'm so fascinated by your story. And every time I see your content, it makes me smile. Every time I see you post a video or a photo, I'm always just, rooting for you. I'm so excited for you and your life and the impact you make. And you are so much more talented than just an artist. At first you wanted to be an artist and then you thought you couldn't be. You were like, these don't look good. But now you're selling your art, your art's in galleries, it's really inspiring. But you're also a massive activist. You're a TV anchor model. You did modeling, you sing. and you're a speaker and you motivate millions of people around the world. You could have not done any of it. You could have said, I just want to be an artist and just go after that one thing, but you decided to go for more.

What?

What? When and why did you say, I want to start sharing this story and start putting this message out there in a bigger way and revealing these things about yourself that maybe you were scared to do?

You know, I remember when I gave my very first talk, that was TEDx. And it actually happened when I decided and I manifested that I'm going to overcome the fear of facing people. That's so ironic that a public speaker was once scared of facing people.

I was for sure, yeah.

I know. So what happened was, I gave my very first TED talk. And after my TED talk, a girl from the audience, she came to me and she was crying and she said, Can I give you a hug? And I said, Sure. So she gave me a hug and she said, you, 10-minute TED Talk has solved 10 problems of my life. And she said, Today you made me realize that those 10 problems never existed. They were just in my head. And I was overthinking. And because of you, I'm never going to give up. You know, in that moment, in the flashback, I could hear my mother saying, One day, God will show you how did he choose you out of so many. for this test. And that was the moment of realization that, you know what? If my words can change someone's perspective, maybe this is my true calling in life. You know, and as they say that in the end, what matters is how many lives you have touched. So art is my comfort zone, Louis. You know, I can sit in the corner of my room in a cozy environment, have a cup of coffee and paint and sell the work, make both ends meet, pay the bills, raise my son and live. But, I mean, is that enough? It's not enough. Because comfort zone is a good place to be, but nothing ever grows there. So if you really want to grow as a person, if you really want to learn and unlearn, we need to tap on all the abilities that we have. We are so blessed with immense potential. which remains untapped because we are too busy doing 9 to 5. We are too busy paying bills. And we live the same routine for so many years and then we end up calling it life. It's not life. It's not. You know, I realized later that, you know, I was labeled as the first wheelchair-bound model, the first wheelchair-bound singer, the first wheelchair-bound anchor, first wheelchair-bound, you know, and it was so much rubbed in my face that I said, you know what? I might be the first one to do all this, but I wouldn't be the last. I had to pave the path for so many people who are supremely talented, who are differently abled, who are supremely talented, but maybe, maybe they were just a bit scared to take the first step. I took the first step. I broke those barriers. At least I tried, you know, and now I see a lot of young boys and girls doing amazing work. Why? Because now it's normal. It's normal for a wheelchair user to smile. It's normal for a wheelchair user, may it be a boy or a girl, to look good, to wear lipstick, to look nice, you know, to face the world. It's normal now. And even right now, when being an anchor person, you know, I'm working for the National TV of Pakistan, and when I'm doing my show, I'm always thinking about that little boy or girl sitting in a far-flung village watching my show and I think about them that they might be thinking that if a girl or a woman in a wheelchair can do this, we can do that too. And that's what it is. So one day I feel, Louis, that the day I will leave the world, a lot of people will see my reflection in these young boys and girls who are unique, who are different, who were scared once, but now they are not anymore.

Yeah.

Speaking of young boys and girls.

In.

Your videos online, you talked about how after the accident, the doctor said that you would not be able to have kids. Isn't that right? Yes. Was that really like a shock and very devastating for you? And if so, why was that so devastating? and what did you do about it to change that narrative?

It was devastating, yes, definitely it was. You know, we live in a society where if women, you know, it's a bit of truth, a lot of people will hate me to say that, but I have to say it because I've experienced that. If a woman is unable to reproduce, if a woman is unable to be a mother, she's labeled as a useless woman. Oh, she cannot give birth to a child, she's incomplete.

Right?

And this is not changing. I hope one day things will change, but it's not changing for women. And you know the first thing that came to my mind was that oh my God, I loved kids. I will never be able to have a child, but people are not going to accept me. because at that point I was married and I cannot have kids. Disaster. You know, how will I tell the world that even if I cannot give birth to a child, I can still love a child unconditionally? You don't have to give birth to a child to be a mother. And so what happened was, again, that was my biggest fear that I wanted to have children, I wanted to have at least one child. So what I did was, I adopted a child. And that baby was, my son's name is Niall, he was a few days old when I held him for the first time in my arms. And now he is 11 years old.

Wow.

I mean, he is so amazing, he's such a bundle of joy. And you know, when I held him for the first time, it actually made me feel that, you know, he was the fruit of all the pain that I've been through.

Wow.

So, yes.

What's been the biggest lessons he has taught you and motherhood has taught you?

Oh, motherhood is all about unconditional love. It's all about that. You know, a woman in a wheelchair can be a mother. A woman who cannot see her child can be a mother. You know, so you cannot define motherhood in words. It is just all about being unconditionally in love with a child. whether you have given birth to that child or not. I mean, probably my eye color does not match my son's eyes, but I see my reflection in his eyes every day. And this little boy who is now 11, he is such an inspiration. I have learned so much from him, you know, so much from him. You know, one thing I've learned from Niall is that kids don't judge. They don't. And I've shared this many times, I've shared this with your audience also, that he was about four years old. He's obsessed with soccer. He loves football. So we got him his first football and he was so excited, so much so that he actually forgot that I'm in the wheelchair. So he said, Mom, I got my football. Let's play football. And I said, Yes, let's do it. So he kept the football in my feet. And he said, Mom, kick the ball. And I looked at him and I said, Niall, my legs don't work.

Wow.

You know, and I, you know, I just started crying a little bit and I was acting all cool, but he could sense that, you know what, my mom is hurting. And he looked at me and he said, It's okay, your legs don't work, your hands are working. Let's play catch the ball. You know, and in that moment he made me realize that when we are busy thinking about the glass is half empty, He made me realize that, no, think positive because your glass is half full. And so that's how we play. Instead of playing football, we were playing catch the ball.

I love this. I love this story. Can you wheel the wheelchair and kick it with the wheelchair? Can you kind of turn it and hit a little bit?

No, no. I'm too scared. Honestly, you know, sometimes it tips over and it just scares me so much. So yes, no adventures on the wheelchair for me.

Oh, man, it falls over sometimes.

It does.

Really? Is that how, what is that like when it falls over?

You have to be in the wheelchair to understand how it feels.

Oh, man, that's scary. Oh, man. One of the things we talked about before we started this was the power of identifying your fears creating a list of your fears. You talk about this in one of your videos where there was a point of your life where you were just afraid of everything, you know, lots of different things you're afraid of. Can you talk about the importance and what you did to just overcome fear after fear and what that did for you, that exercise of overcoming them?

So I'll tell you something. I'm talking about self-acceptance, you know, accept yourself the way you are. It's never easy. I think the biggest obstacle is a long list of fears, all sorts of fears, known, unknown. My biggest fears were three. They were my major fears. So I wrote them down and I said, you know what? I'm going to overcome these fears one at a time. My biggest fear was facing people, you know? And when I used to, now when I say this to the world that, you know, I was scared of facing people, people think I'm being funny, but no. And it's not the fact that I did not want to see people or I just hated people. That's why I didn't want to see them. You know, I was tired of those remarks like, oh poor girl. I was tired of being treated as a patient. Oh how do you feel? I feel the same. Ask me more about what I'm doing in life right now. And this mercy in their eyes that oh poor girl, that really, you know, that was killing me from within. And I said, you know what? I'm going to overcome this fear. of facing people and you know maybe one day they will understand that I'm okay. I'm okay the way I am now. I have accepted myself so please you need to accept me too. You know and as they say that when you think about doing something the universe conspires. While I was thinking constantly about how can I overcome this fear of facing people? How can I do this? I was going to the malls, I was doing groceries, But that wasn't enough. Out of the blue, I got a call from TEDx. And, you know, so the guy said that, you know, we really want you to come and share your story. And without missing a second, I said, I'm doing it. So, yeah, that's how I gave my very first TED talk. And in fact, while I was giving the talk, you know, I was sharing my life story with the world. you know, there I was sitting in front of so many people and sharing my story thinking, what am I doing? You know, I'm literally becoming an open book and everybody can come and say things to me because, you know, here I am.

They can judge you. Yeah, they can do whatever.

Yeah, of course.

Right.

But then I realized that maybe, you know, someone somewhere in the audience needs my words. So I'll do it for that one person. And then later that girl came from the audience and in that moment I realized that, you know, probably being speaker is my true calling in life maybe. You know, then the other biggest fear was the fear of not becoming a mother. And I was constantly thinking about it that, you know, how, how can I work? And then I sat down with my mother one day and I said, Mama, I want to adopt a child. and you know, but I was scared, you know, being a wheelchair user, I said, you know, maybe, you know, it will be hard. And my mother said, I'm with you. We'll raise him together. You know? And so I said, can we do this? She said, yes, let's do it. And that's how. So I applied for adoption. I waited for two years, you know, and then one fine day out of nowhere, I got a call. The lady said, There is a baby boy and would you like to adopt? I said, Is that even a question? Of course, yes. So that's how Nile came in my life. And then the other biggest fear was abandonment. As we were talking earlier, what happens when people leave? Trust me, nothing happens. We are so scared of abandonment that again, when you let go of all the extra people, you realize that you never needed them. You just never needed them. So have a good relationship with yourself and you will never be scared of abandonment. So when I overcame this fear of facing people, I became a speaker or whatever things I'm doing. When I overcame the fear of motherhood, I became a mother. So that's what it is.

Why do you think so many people are afraid to be alone? This is kind of like this fear, I don't want to die alone. I can't go day by day without having friends around me all the time. I can't be alone. I can't go to dinner by myself. I can't go to the movie by myself. I can't walk down the street alone. Why is there this insecurity or fear that so many people have?

Because we forget that we came in the world with nothing and we live with nothing. We came alone crying. And when we were born, we were in pain, right? And we were crying, that was the sign of life. Oh, the baby is alive because the baby is crying and the baby is in pain. and when we leave, we are alone. So many people have left, life does not stop. We are designed because we are social animals, right? We human beings are social animals, we need to socialize. The problem comes, problem is not with the relationship, the problem is the expectations that we have with our partners that my spouse has to make me feel good. Yeah. It doesn't work that way.

It doesn't.

Your spouse is a human being too fighting battles. You are doing too. Again, if you too are not complementing each other, your life will become miserable. And also there's one thing that I've noticed. People are competing. I mean two people in a relationship are not complementing each other. They are competing with one another. This is so silly.

Yes.

I mean, you are supposed to compliment each other, you know, but you guys are competing with each other. And no wonder why so many people are so broken. So broken. Either they switch to the new relationships like that because, oh my God, what will happen if we are all by ourselves? Trust me, nothing happens. You know, this global pandemic has taught us a lesson. You know, and that is by the end of the day, we are all on our own. So if you want to heal from COVID you have to live with yourself. And you know why people were so scared of being on their own? Because they have never spent time with themselves for so long.

Right?

And they were just so scared. But let me tell you something. Being a wheelchair user, I have spent so much time on my own. And it did not kill me. So when you sit with yourself, you realize, oh, I'm actually a good company for myself.

Yeah. Yeah.

And that's it. So you go, you meet people, you socialize because it's fun. but not because you need to do it, but because you want to do it. That's what it is.

And I think there's this.

You know.

It'S this thing where we shouldn't be abandoning ourselves. We don't need to be at an event or be in relationships with people if they are constantly toxic, like you said, or if they're making us wrong or bad, if they're not accepting us. That's really a form of self-hatred if we keep putting ourselves in those situations and we abandon the love for ourselves, the boundaries we need to create to have the environment of peace and love and joy. So I think it's important for us to remember that. Like we don't have to keep showing up in situations where people are trying to hurt us. We can protect ourselves and not abandon ourselves.

Yes, like Maya Angelou says, when people show you their true colors, believe them.

Yeah, absolutely.

Do not justify their toxicity. Oh, You know, my spouse is being overprotective. You know what? Because she's so much in love. No, that's toxic. That's bad. And it's only going to get worse. So be aware. When people show you their true colors, believe them.

Yes.

Why do you think for people who might feel stuck in their life, might feel some type of brokenness, whether it be emotionally or physically, And they say, I don't know how to go after my dreams. What advice would you give to people who are struggling to figure out what their dreams are and also how to go after them?

First and foremost, we have this constant pressure of overachievement, thanks to social media. Why? Because everybody is posting about something great. You know, I achieved this, I achieved that. Oh my God, GlobalTrotter. Wait, I cannot afford to buy a ticket. I cannot go anywhere. What am I supposed to do? Right? When you see people posting rather bragging about what they have done in their lives every day, projects after projects, you question yourself, Am I doing enough? Am I good enough? Is my life meaningful enough? Right? But let me tell you something, social media is all about the good stuff. Nobody is going to post about their daily struggles. When I try to sit every day in the morning because my back muscles don't work, I fall back. Then I try to get up, I fall back. And it happens, it continues. So basically, I start my day as a failure because I just cannot sit on my own without the help of my mother. But my social media doesn't show that. It's all about inspirational things, right? So please, you don't have to be an overachiever every day. Sometimes just waking up in the morning and not giving up on yourself is a huge achievement.

Absolutely.

You know, and I do it every day. You do it every day. We all do that. So appreciate it and be kind to yourself. And you were talking about people dreaming. I always say one thing that dreams don't work unless you do. You know, there is no such thing as overnight achievement. No, if it comes easy, it goes easy. I can sit in the corner of the room and they dream all day long, but nobody is going to come and serve success on plate.

Right? Right.

So I have to be optimistic, but I have to be realistic, too. I need to work to get my dreams and. that's it. And what I have learned so far, Louis, is the attitude of gratitude works wonders. Just be grateful. Because you are way, way better than many. You know, it is so powerful that gratitude has the power to turn what you have into enough. You know, gratitude will never let. It will never turn your pain into suffering. It will never, you know, and. So be grateful for all the things that you have, for the things that you don't have or you have lost. Just be grateful.

There's a, for many years of my life, I would get frustrated when things would happen, right? I remember having a dream of being a professional football player and I got injured, I broke my wrist and had a surgery and had to recover for about a year and a half, which kept me from playing and living my dream and playing sports anymore. and then I went through multiple breakups. I had to learn the lesson the hard way many times in relationships. You know, just lots of things happen where I was like, why is this happening? Why? Why is this breakdown happening? Why am I in pain? Why did this happen when I was a child? All these different things. And then I finally learned a strategy where people always say, you know, when you look back, you can connect the dots. Hindsight is 2020, they say, right? You can look back and you can see why that needed to happen. Then when bad things started to happen, I said, you know what? I'm going to look forward. I'm going to have future hindsight. I'm going to say, you know what? This needed to happen because it's helping me become a new person. It's helping me let go of toxic relationships. It's helping me get on a different path that will serve more people in my life and bring me more joy. When you had this accident, did you think about yourself in the future or when did you realize, I should say, when did you start to realize that, oh, this is happening for me because it's going to benefit more people, it's going to bring me closer to my mission or it's going to help me bring myself more joy. When did that happen for you?

It's rightly said, nothing is happening to us. It's happening for us. It's all about perception, right? It's all about your perspective. You know, I cannot relate to that 21 year old who used to walk around. I don't even remember, Louis, how it feels, you know, to stand on your legs.

Wow.

I just don't feel it. And if you can feel it, you're very lucky. You know, health is such a big blessing. And when I say that health is a blessing does not make me unlucky because I'm not healthy that way. But all I know is that when I say rebirth, It was a completely new me. It was a totally different person. And yes, there are lessons, there are mistakes. And I always say that even wrong people in your life, they become lessons. Bad times become lessons. Your mistakes become great lessons. And you learn, you grow, you improve. And that's what life journey is all about.

Yeah.

I've got a couple final questions for you. This has been inspiring. And I can't wait to meet you in person one day. I have a couple final questions for you, but I want everyone listening and watching to follow you. You've got an amazing YouTube channel. I love your stuff on Instagram, your website munibamazari.com and also your name on social media everywhere. But one thing I want to do is figure out how can people see your art and purchase your art? Where can we go to learn more about this? I've seen some of it online. I think it's really inspiring. And I want to send people to your artwork because I think it's beautiful what you create.

Thank you. Well, you can just drop an email. I don't know. This question came out of nowhere, so I was like, okay.

Is there artwork on your website where people can purchase or where can we find it?

Yes, my artwork is on my website. So what you can do is if you have some queries, you can just send an email ask muneevamazari@gmail.com and my team will get back to you.

Okay, cool. Is there stuff for sale online right now if we wanted to purchase it? Or do you just do custom work? How does it work?

A lot of work is still available, yes.

Okay, perfect.

Yes.

Okay, I want to send people to your artwork. I want people to have more of your art in their homes or in their offices around the world.

Thank you, Luis. Thank you, appreciate it.

Of course, it's really beautiful stuff. This is a question I ask everyone at the end of my interviews. So I would like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario that you get to live as long as you want to live and accomplish and achieve and serve in the way you want to serve to the world. And you get to live your life the way you want, right? But one day you have to go to the next place. you have to leave this earth. And for whatever reason in this hypothetical scenario, you have to take all of your work with you. This interview, your videos, your content, it has to go to the next place. So we don't have access to your information and this message anymore. It's hypothetical. But you get to leave behind to the world three lessons that you've learned from your entire life experience. and these three lessons is all we would have to remember your content by. I call it the three truths question. What would be, again, without you preparing for this, what would be those three truths or three lessons you would share if that's all you could share?

Well, I would want the world to know what real success is. Everybody wants to become successful. My definition of success is different. Success is not about how well people know you. Success is how well you know yourself.

Ooh. I like that. Right?

So, just know yourself. If you know yourself, you are successful. And secondly, be grateful. I wish I could say it a thousand times, but gratitude works wonders. When you are too busy complaining about what you don't have, think about a child who is suffering from thalassemia, who is waiting for one bottle of blood, and dreaming to have a life that you have. But you know what? You're too busy complaining. The breath that you just took, Right now, that's a blessing. Be grateful. You have survived a global pandemic. We are sitting here having a conversation. So many people have left the world. We are still here. Be grateful. So gratitude, the attitude of gratitude works wonders. You know, and last but not least, I've said this a thousand times, and I'll say it again, that you are the hero of your own story. and heroes never give up. So just don't give up and keep going.

Manivah, I love this. I want to acknowledge you, Manivah, for your incredible grace. When I look at you, when I see your information online, when I hear you speak, the word grace comes to mind. How you've overcome the challenges in your life in such a graceful way. I'm not calling you perfect. I'm sure you have your own challenges, but you are so graceful in the way you speak, the way you communicate, your artwork, the way you carry yourself in the world. It's so inspiring to see a woman who has been through the challenges like you have overcome them with grace, with gratitude, with appreciation, and with saying, how can I continue to know myself better? How can I improve? And how can I be of service to the people in my life? to the best of my ability. So I want to acknowledge you for that. I want to acknowledge you for overcoming fears. I think it's easy to stay stuck in our fears. It's hard to break through them. It's hard to face them continually until they no longer have power over us. And so I would acknowledge you for also taking that on even in your situation and doing it in a culture that maybe isn't as accepting in certain ways that other cultures would be. So I really acknowledge you for that. And I acknowledge you for your consistency. You keep showing up and creating content and adding value to people. You keep traveling to speak on stages. There are no limits that hold you back. And Manuva, I'm just really grateful and appreciate you for how you show up in the world. So I wanted to acknowledge you for that. I want people to follow you. I want them to check out your social media. Your YouTube's really inspiring. I want them to buy your artwork. So we'll have all this linked up for people as well in the description on our podcast and audio and also on YouTube. And I have one final question. It is, what is your definition of greatness?

How do I define greatness? How gracefully you let go of all the things and people who don't belong to your journey? How gracefully you let go of all that? that define your greatness. Your consistency that defines your greatness.

Maneeba, you're amazing. You're a gift. I'm so grateful for you. I can't wait to see you in person when we get you to the United States sometime in the future. Thank you so much for your time and for coming on. I appreciate it.

Thank you. Take care.

The thing that I know to be true is that you cannot control the things around you. You can't control what's going to happen. You can't even control how your nervous system might respond or what thoughts might pop into your head. But you can always choose what you do next and what you make it mean, right? And so that's where all the power is.