Tony Robbins: Why Motivation Fails—and What Works Instead

Of all these different areas of life, mastering emotions, financial world, relationships. What do you. What do you think is the root of. Of people lacking what they really want in all those areas? Is it the confidence? Is it the skill set? Is it some. What else do they, you know, what is the root cause of holding them back from really growing in all those areas?

I think it's a couple things. One is the biggest problem people have is they think they're not supposed to have any. And problems are the fuel for growth, right? And so, like, if you don't have any problems, you're either a liar or you might call them challenges. It feels better. I understand that. But, you know, anybody who doesn't have problems is either totally asleep at the wheel or they don't have much of any kind of a life. You know, no responsibility, nothing. They're building. So I think the first thing is this misnomer that if I have a problem, there's something wrong with me or my life. And I think the second one is this delusion we've sold people on that getting what you want is gonna make you happy. You know, you could call success getting what you want. I don't define it that way, but that's how most people do. But then there's fulfillment. And fulfillment is living what you're made for. It's like, I think the biggest challenge people have. And the reason they're not able to respond to challenges, they're just thinking about themselves. And it's not that hard to meet your own needs. And it's nobody's fault. I mean, these little things in our pocket, these little mini computers we used to call phones, I mean, they're constantly conditioning you to instantly get what you want. And that's not how human relationship works. And that sure as hell not how you build a business, right? It's not a straight line. If you go to nature, you will not see a straight line unless a human built it. Because everything grows a little up and down like a stock, like anything else. But if it really grows, it keeps growing, but it's a winding process. And so I think the problem is that people don't have something that they're wanting to serve more than themselves. That's where my energy comes. I don't have to work another day of my life. Why the hell do I do all this crazy stuff? I got 105 companies now, and I got all these different industries because it's so much more interesting to be in the game of life and keep growing and expanding and being challenged that's what makes you feel alive and do. Are there problems with 105 companies? I can promise you. But if I thought my life was supposed to be problem free, I would be really stressed out. And if I was just doing it for me, I would have stopped a long time ago. It's like, I know you've asked me a lot of times about confidence. You just mentioned it again, like, is there a lack of confidence? No, it's a lack of mission, right? Because what happens is when you have something you want to serve, if it's your child and everything's on the line, you won't come up with answers you'll never come up with for yourself, right? So it's like having that sense of mission. And then I think the next problem is that people think they have to know how. I call it the tyranny of how like you get all excited, I'm going to do this. And then your brain goes, I've never done it before. Oh my God, what did I say? I don't know how to do this. And they tend to focus on how to do it. And when you start with how, you're screwed. Like Martin Luther King had no idea how when he did his I have a dream speech. In fact, his wife was the one that pushed him because he was uncertain, right? You know, the real history. It's pretty interesting. But the bottom line is he gets up there and he gives his vision of how it can be done. He talked about what needs to happen and why. If you can figure out what you want and why you want it. And you get strong enough reasons, reasons that'll drive you late at night, it'll get you up early in the morning. And the reasons are different. Some people do it for nitty gritty reasons. Jim Rohn used to say, because, you know, some guy told him he borrowed money from this finance company, I forget the name of HFC Finance, whatever the hell it was. And you know, he hadn't been back since he borrowed the money. So they're calling him. In those days they could harass you in ways they can't today, right? They call him, show up and embarrass him in front of his neighbors. And so Jim Rohn, his first real chunk of money he told me he made because it's like he set this goal. It was his nitty gritty reason. His reason to get rich was so we could go down and pay this thing off. And he said he went to the bank and got it all in cash and in small bills and he bolted into this little HFC finance place and the guy who borrowed the money was the fourth best back. And he said, I walked up there, I opened up this brief and I dumped all the money all over his desk in small bills. I said, count it, it's all there. I will never be back. He said he was startled cause I hadn't been there since I borrowed the money. But he did it for that. He graded it. Some people do it for their kid, some people will do it. We'll almost all do it for something more than ourselves. Some people do it because they like winning, right? I know that about you, right? It's like, I like winning, I like being the best at what I do. So I'm not going to settle for less than that. Why would I? Right? So you got to find your reasons. But if you know what you want and you get a big enough why, now you'll figure out how to do it. But if you start with how, you know, the small brain, the fear brain goes, oh shit, I don't know what. They don't know where to go. I don't know what to do 90% of the time either. I know what and why. And then I try something, it doesn't work. I try something else or something else. Now I speed it up by learning from the best. So that's why Money Master the Game is a perfect example. My companies at the time were $100 million companies. I had one $500 million company, now we're doing 7 billion. I took what I learned from these guys, I applied it not only to my investing, I applied it to my own businesses. Why do I reinvent the wheel when I just learned from the best on earth? I mean, somebody's that good can tell you that little 2 millimeter thing that changes everything. So my life is really about learn from the best. But I don't start with the how, I start with the what and the why. And I think that's the mistake most people make. And then how do you get confident you do stuff? I mean, like, I'll give an example speaking. You know, it's supposedly outside of falling, like the second biggest fear people have, public speaking. And you know, you've trained yourself so you don't feel that challenge. But I don't feel that challenge. I've done it a million times, but I didn't feel it early on. And the reason was I tried to explain to people, I'm not getting up thinking about how I'm doing. If I did, I'd probably be A horrible critic of myself because I can be brutal in those ways. I'm focused on how do I serve them, what do they need, what do they want, how can I serve? And when you're focused on others and how to serve them, there's no lack of confidence in you because if it's not working, you just change your approach because it's all about serving. People that are scared to speak are thinking constantly, how am I doing? Am I good enough? Am I strong enough? You'll never get confidence. Confidence comes from doing something so many. Confidence is tying your shoes, right? Confidence. Michael Jordan making a thousand shots before you take a break. Every single day, six days a week. So you look at Jordan or you look at LeBron, or you look at anybody who's the best in the world at what they do. And you go, aren't they lucky? But if you actually study them, you'll see they're doing things. They're practicing in private, things that make them certain in public. And they get rewarded for what they do in public. Yeah. And you got to do the same.

It's interesting because public speaking was probably my most terrifying thing. I wasn't even able to speak in front of like five people without stuttering and just kind of forgetting what I wanted to say. I couldn't get my message across. So I took a year of public speaking class with toastmasters just to get reps in a group of people that are, you know, are going to give you positive feedback and in a safe environment. So I could just get in front of a room, practice a five minute speech and know that I'm going to make mistakes. It's interesting what you said is 100% true about thinking about serving others because for I think it was probably seven years, I was speaking on stages and I would still get nervous like a day or two before. It wasn't as bad as the first two years where it was like a week before. Now it was only like a day or two. And I called my coach at the time, his name's Chris Lee. And I said, I don't know why I'm speak. I've been doing this for long enough now. Shouldn't I be not afraid anymore? And he said, you're thinking about messing up, missing the joke, forgetting what you're gonna say in the first line, forgetting you're thinking about how you're looking as opposed to serving people. And he said, exactly, you know, exactly what you just said. He's like, when you just know you're gonna mess up, it's not gonna be perfect. You're gonna get. Forget that line that you really wanted to say, but just put all the energy on the audience. Everything starts to change. And so your message speaks to me because I'm an example of that you.

Could call success getting what you want. I don't define it that way, but that's how most people do. And it's sure as hell not how you build a business. It's not a straight line, but if it really grows, it keeps going, but it's a winding process.