Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

When You're Trying to Just Make it Work

17 Mar 2025 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

0:35

In this reflective monologue, the speaker describes how an intense effort to "make a relationship work" led to a gradual loss of personal identity, confidence, and sense of self. After the relationship ended, they spent time alone to reassess their needs, interests, and values, ultimately creating a list of non‑negotiable criteria they will require in any future partnership. The narrative emphasizes the emotional toll of self‑sacrifice, the importance of self‑reclamation, and the proactive establishment of boundaries before entering a new relationship.

Chapters

When you spend so much time in a relationship trying to make it work, you give away so many pieces of yourself that by the end of it, I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't recognize myself. Really? Yeah, my self-confidence, my sense of self, I had chipped away so much at myself in an effort to make it work that it took me a while, I think, to get back to like, okay, what do I need? What do I like doing? What are the things that I haven't been doing that I want to get back to? What are the things that I value? So I spent a lot of time by myself. And when I was thinking about my new relationship, I came up with a list of non-negotiables. There were a few things that I was like, I will not be in a relationship without them.