This content was created by Lewis Howes. This content was uploaded by Lewis Howes. This is a YouTube video titled "Why healthy relationships feel scary to you" created on October 14, 2025, featuring Lewis Howes discussing the psychological reasons why people are often drawn to familiar but unhealthy relationship patterns due to past experiences.
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It's the healthy, the safe, the comfortable, the calm that when you've grown up in chaos, that feels unfamiliar, that feels scary. Many of us are drawn to partners who trigger old pain because it feels familiar. Have you been in a relationship before where you've been so drawn to this guy or this girl where they're like, man, there's just something that draws me to them. But it's like there's a wound that you have that your nervous system is like bing. And it pokes at the wound and says that's familiar. I know that from my dad who treated me this way, who never showed up for me. I know this from my mom who always needed me to help her out and seeked approval from me. I know this from my whatever past relationship where it's a familiar thing, but it doesn't mean it's a safe thing, it doesn't mean it's a healthy thing. But some reason we're attracted to the familiar because it's what we know. It seems crazy to think that when someone has more safe energy, when someone has more value driven alignment, sometimes you may not be attracted to that until you start to heal the wounds that trigger you and make you attractive to the other people.
