Lewis HowesYour Personal 24/7 Greatness Coach

You CAN'T Change a Narcissist

5 Dec 2025 · 0 min

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0:10

In this YouTube interview, host Lewis Howes and clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula discuss the futility of trying to change a narcissist. They assert that narcissistic traits are resistant to therapy, labeling attempts to reform such individuals as ineffective "fool therapy." Drawing on research from an Israeli study on narcissistic abuse, they highlight that the most successful outcome for victims is establishing no contact with the narcissist. The conversation also explores the practical and emotional challenges of applying a no‑contact strategy when the narcissist is a spouse, parent, or sibling, acknowledging that while cutting ties is ideal, real‑world relational constraints can make it difficult.

There's really no way to change a narcissist, so trying to change them is not gonna happen.
It's a fool therapy.
So doesn't mean we just pretty much have to rip the cord and rip the band aid and get out or.
How does it make that simple. Yeah, right. We can't walk away from all relationships. People can't just quit their jobs. Let's say a person starts figuring this out five years in a relationship and they're married and they have children. What if it's their family of origin and they're like, I've done my homework and this is actually my parent or my sibling? People say, well, I don't know that I'm willing to cut off from my entire family. There's actually an interesting group in Israel that's gathering, has gathered some data on this, on narcissistic abuse, and they found that the thing that works best in dealing with a narcissistic relationship that resulted in the best outcomes was going no contact, like having no contact with them.
Completely blocking.
Cutting off, because it's almost like a toxin.