Forgiving a narcissist isn't mandatory. Pressure to forgive can cause lifelong guilt, especially when the abuser keeps hurting you. Research shows that forgiving someone who repeats the abuse damages your well-being, and leaving isn't always possible when family is involved.
How do we forgive someone who's hurt us so badly as a narcissist?
Maybe we don't. Maybe we don't. I have to tell you that something that's very important to me is that no one ever feels that they have to forgive someone for hijacking their soul, because maybe there is no forgiveness for that. The pressure to forgive has led some people to feel guilty their whole lives, prematurely forgive. There's a really interesting body of literature out there That suggests that if we forgive someone who re-perpetrates, it significantly harms the well-being of the forgiver. Hmm. So all of our research— forgive, you'll feel better. Forgive, you'll free yourself. Not so much, because not everyone leaves these relationships. Some people continue to have contact with the family members. They continue to stay in the relationship. They may not have a choice. Not everyone can leave. This isn't as simple as, you're narcissistic, I'm leaving this relationship. It's not how it works most of the time.
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