#1: Darnita Mathis, Relationship Coach

and they ask you like, what do you charge? And you're like, oh, well, this is my price, you know. And it just makes it a lot easier, right, when you believe more in yourself.

So welcome everyone. I am so excited for this. I know that y'all keep hearing me talk about and post about this Aligned Coach interview series, and this is our first guest today. This is Miss Darnita Mathis. I'm So excited to have you.

Thank you, thank you so much, Lizzy, and good morning. And I'm so appreciative of this opportunity for you to just include me on your journey as how you help women to become the best that they can be. So I really do appreciate this opportunity.

Oh girl, girl, oh, you're so sweet.

No, I'm serious, I mean it. Even in your— I think it was your was it 3-day challenge we had? I can't remember. Was it 3 or 4-day challenge? Yeah, it's just right, because I've always, like, followed you from the beginning. And when I started to become a coach and just, like, looking on, you know, people's different pages, and I was like, wow, I like her. I like her spirit. Like, she's kind of spunky like I am, you know. So it helps me really to relate to you as a person, right, and the things that you're trying to do. So So I'm so overjoyed just to be able to be in your presence, be in your space, on your platform. Like, that is truly just a blessing, you know, in itself. So much gratitude towards you.

Awesome, girl. I am honored to like be on this with you. And it's so cool, like, it's so cool how we have met. And I know that like Ali, if you're watching this, like, you're, you know, her sphere has brought together so many like incredible women. Like, I have made friends and just connections with just so many, like, amazing women through this journey, you know. And it's like, at the end of the day, no matter, like, if you're a relationship coach or a business coach or a mindset coach, it's like, at the end of the day, like, we literally just want to lift each other up, right? It's like, we, we just want to make it, like, a better world to be in, you know. So yeah, that, that's exactly what this interview series is about. So like, if you're watching this, like, listening to this catching the replay or whatever. Like, that's, that's literally all this is. And I'm really glad, Darnita, that we're going— that this worked out for us to go on my personal profile because I have family and friends on here and there are a lot of people that are like, Lindsay, like, I know you have this online business, but like, I'm really not sure what it is. Like, I don't really know what you do. Do you experience that?

Well, actually, to be honest with you, yes, I do as well. I know when I actually embarked on becoming a coach, I really didn't share with my family and friends because I was the type of person I wanted to try to figure out what it was that I wanted to do. I always knew I had a passion for helping people, but I never knew how to structure my material and actually having a format to help them. So once I met Ali, thanks to my dear friend Elena Diaz. Like, she the one gave me the information. That's my buddy, that's my really good friend. And by her giving me Ali's information, I was able to connect to her, and she just continued to keep pushing me along and just telling me, Darnita, believe in yourself, you can do this, you know. Um, and that was my only thing, is just trying to figure out how can I structure this right, and then also too, how can I provide the information to my clients where it can also be beneficial for me as well, right? So with that support. Yeah, it's amazing. Um, but yeah, you know, some of your family and friends, um, they're going to be kind of shocked and they're going to be like, oh wow, she's doing that and she's doing this. And then once they actually listen to your message that you present, and then they start to realize that, oh my gosh, like, she really does have a gift, you know, um, let me look at her in a different light. But then also too, you still may have those family and friends that may not be happy or not so happy for you. And then guess what? You know, those things come out as well too. So I've always been the type of person where it's like, you know what, everybody has their own gift, everybody has their own lane, right? So just like you're a business coach, and that's perfectly fine, that's great, you know, you're on a different level than I am. And just like I'm a relationship coach, you know, I'm helping a different set of people too. Yeah. So it doesn't mean that one person is better than the other person. It's just we're tackling two different areas trying to do the same work. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like at the end of the day, like, I know that your goal, like, whatever your niche is, like, whatever your title is, it's like ultimately to just lift other people up. Right. And it's like just to spread your light.

Yes. Yes.

Exactly. I don't know if you can hear this music. I'm going to turn it off. Hold on a second. Hey Google, turn the music off. It's like playing Gucci Mane in the background.

I love when you do that. She's like, hey Google. I'm about to get me a hey Google.

Well, we've had this thing for like 3 years and we've never used it until I finally like kind of set my office up, which as you saw earlier, it's like my laundry room on one side and like my office on this side. So I finally, I was like, you know what, I'm going to put the Google Home in here because it just makes me feel fancy and like, I just need fancy in here.

Yes, whatever works. Whatever works for you getting your space. Hey, you created to make it your own. So absolutely. I'm in my basement, so I'm at a table in my basement. I'm praying that God is going to bless me and my family where we move to another house. So I said, you know what, for right now, you know, we're in our home, I'm in a basement, I'm just going to make this work. And guess what? What I'm desiring is going to come to pass. So what I started doing, I went to Five and Below and they have all these little goodies, you know, the little lamps and, um, you know, little things to put on your, um, on your desk, like the different rocks and everything. So I bought me a whole bunch of stuff and I said, you know what, I'm gonna manifest this because I know we're moving soon and I'm just gonna create my own little space for me because I know I need that. I need a room with a window so I can look out, you know. But you just got to make it the best that you can, you know, whatever situation you're in, just make it the best you can.

That is awesome. Yeah, I love that.

You're so right.

I don't have a window in here. That's like the one thing that I really wish I had. Yeah.

Yes.

So, okay, so I just want to like— I don't know why my eye keeps watering. And I just really like, really want to, um, kind of ask you about your journey and how did you end up as a coach and where did it start for you? So remind me again where you're from.

Well, interesting. I'm actually from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, but I currently live in Snellville, Georgia. That's where I currently live.

I knew that you were in Georgia. I was like, what part of Georgia? I'm in Georgia too, right? So south of you. And honestly, my husband Daniel and I, we are manifesting, right? That we're working towards, that we're working towards, you know, hopefully like moving to North Georgia or like moving, you know, um, you know, in the next year, few years at least. But, um, so that is so cool. Maybe we'll be closer together.

Yes, I would love to do lunch one day. I definitely would love to do lunch.

So let's do it. Okay, so I just— give me like, you know, just tell me whatever you want about, you know, your— I don't know, I mean like, where did it start for you? Did you always knew that you wanted to help people? Like, or did you always know that you wanted to help people? Did always like— have you ever worked in like, you know, counseling? Or, you know, because a lot of coaches haven't, like they have no prior experience. And I think that that is like so cool whenever you come brand new, like clean slate, right? So I'm just curious, give me, give me like the details.

Well, um, to be honest with you, no, I have not worked in the counseling field. Um, and my degree is in business management, so I do have my master's in that. Um, but just working with people. I just, I, I have just a natural gift that I'm just drawn to people. It's some type of energy, it is. So it's like, it's easy for me to just to speak to anyone, right? My husband always says, like, you just go to Walmart and you, you come home like an hour and a half later, like, what are you doing? And I was like, well, this lady stopped me and we just start talking, and she told me about her aunt, and then her niece is in college, and this and this and that. He's just like How did you just get all that information? I was like, I don't know. So it's like I've always created these just relationships, you know. And, um, like I said, mentioned before, just meeting Ali, um, I've never had that frame of, um, mind to how can I help people and also benefit at the same time financially. So that was the area I did not know how to do at all because I've always came from a place where it's like if, if God is meant for me to benefit, benefit from this, helping this person, then it'll come to pass, right? So I never was in the arena of look or looking forward or seeing how can I present this to them, you know, in order to help them. Like, I've always, um, helped people going for filing for their divorce or going through bankruptcy or just, um, you know, trying to get their career together. Like, I've always been that type of person. I'm a person, like, if I don't know something I'm gonna ask a question. That's just me, you know. Um, even if on the outside to them it may seem like, why is she asking that kind of question? But it doesn't bother me because that's how I learn, you know. I understand that I learn through verbal, through asking questions. I learn through visual, seeing a picture of what you're asking for me to do. So, um, that makes it better for me to easily communicate, um, what I'm trying to accomplish. So Yeah, once I figured that out, you know, from Ali, and it just kind of went off from there, you know. Even in the beginning with her, and we were going over my pricing, I still was kind of timid because I was just like, I don't know, like, now I gotta start saying, hey, this is what I'm charging, this is my pricing. And, you know, as I kept going along, I got comfortable and comfortable. Um, so I kept— just kept gradually growing and growing and growing. And when I just had my last interview with her and I told her my pricing, she was like, Darnita, you to charge more. She was like, you're such a great coach. You know, look at your ability, you know, what you have in front of you. And also too, when I had the conversation with you doing our 3-day challenge as well, you said the same thing, you know. So it just kind of just helping me to just build myself up more. And I know too, the more I speak about me being a relationship coach, my confidence now is just— it's so much more than what it is. So, um, and that really helps when you go to present your costs your price to your clients. And they ask you like, what do you charge? And you're like, oh, well, this is my price. And it just makes it a lot easier when you believe more in yourself.

And it just becomes natural to you also. It's like the more that you do it, it's almost like a muscle, right? And then it's like you get better at it and you get better about, say, I'm a relationship coach or I'm a fitness coach, I run an online business, right? And it's like the wall between online you and in-person you starts to just dissolve, you know, and it's just you. It's like the whole body version of you and of who you are, right? And I love what you said about pricing because you're like, how do I continue to help people and, you know, feel like I'm living in my purpose, but how do I also make it to where like it makes sense for myself and my family, you know?

Yes.

And I, I struggled with that, and it's like, oh my, you know, in the beginning you're like, well, like, no one's gonna pay for this. Would they really like pay that price, you know? Um, do I have what it takes? Like, there, there are So there's so much that comes up. This, um, we just had our first call in Aligned Coach Academy, um, on Tuesday, and this was something that came up for like everyone in the call around money and like money beliefs and like, um, you know, charging and, and, um, clients and things like that. And it's like you just get to claim it, right? Like you just get to say like what I have it's worth it, right? And like, the transformation that I offer these people, it's literally priceless. Like, how do you even put a price on that, you know? Um, how do you even say— like, I mean, Darnita, so do you work with married women? Do you work with— like, tell me like about who it is that you work with.

Okay, so as myself being a relationship coach, I work with a multitude of different people. Like, I have clients that are married, I have clients that are single, I have clients that are engaged, you know. So it really It doesn't matter, you know, what your status is. The thing is, you— I want you to build a positive relationship with whoever it is, right? Even if it's your children, you know, because that's very important. Um, even with your co-workers or your supervisors, is any type of relationship that you're doing. And the most important relationship is building one with yourself, and that is important, right? So yeah, it's loving who you are, right? And just believing in yourself, that takes a lot of inner strength that a lot of people don't have because we have our childhood issues or the things that, you know, we experience as a child, and it carries on to our adulthood self. And then we end up questioning, can I really do this, right? Am I capable of it? You know, am I enough? You know, and then, and once you have those feelings in the, in the inside, it starts to display on the outside and how you present yourself is how people going to receive you and how people going to treat you. So you really have to work on that. And that's what I kind of just specialize in, in a home.

I love that. Oh, it reminds me honestly of like where I started last year. It was like, it's not just the relationship with your spouse, right? And it's like, it's not just— I mean, it is, right? Like, that's important and that's so much deeper than that, right?

Yeah, yeah, it, it is. Because I had one of my, um, potential clients, and we did our little— we did our preliminary interview, and she asked that question. She said, Darnita, do you do married couples? And I said, yes, absolutely. I said, but however, this is how I would like to do it. I said, I have to work with the individual person first, right? Because you can't begin to try to work on your marriage when you have things within yourself that you need to change. Because I'm pretty sure there's something that your spouse is saying that you need to work on, right? And it's something that you're saying that they need to work on. So you really have to establish the self-work first, and then we'll incorporate doing the marriage counseling together. So like, I had an example. I said, okay, we have an 8-week program. What I'll probably do, like, maybe 2 to 3 times out of the 8 weeks, you know, probably like week 2, 4, and 5, maybe we'll go ahead and do a group session together with you and your spouse, and then also still do the individual sessions as well.

So I love that. And you just like made that up on the spot? I'm sorry, you just like get flexible like right there on the spot and you were just gonna like make it work for her?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So I told— I say, you know what happens? Well, week 2, we'll meet twice, once together and then once, once separately, then once together with your spouse. Yeah, so just, you know, just make it work because I get it. Because see, the thing is, when you do the marriage coaching together there's different topics that I'm going to discuss with them that is outside of what I do one-on-one with my 8-week program, right? Because I want to get an overview of what's going on inside their marriage together. What are the feelings that they're feeling that they feel that needs to be worked on in order for their marriage to flourish? And so once you do that and just give like a conversation with them, just really asking a lot of questioning and really me listening to what's going on, then I could be able to give them more assistance and, you know, provide homework questions and really have them think independently and then also think together on how they can make it better.

I love that. And there's this word that's just like coming up for me, and, um, one of my like accountability buddies, like biz bestie, um, Morgan— you may know her, Morgan— she and I talked about this. It's called being scrappy. Like, in the beginning of your business, girl, like, just being scrappy. And because you could have easily said no, like, I don't do that, I only work with individuals. But it's like, right, so much room to grow in the beginning of your business. And it's like getting scrappy with it, you know, like figuring it out, being flexible, making it work, right? Like, right, the— and I love it. Like, the beginning is such a beautiful time because you're gonna evolve, you're gonna pivot, you're gonna change. Like, you're just gonna grow so, so, so much. And I love that, like, on that call, you, you made it work. You were like, yeah, like, this is what we're gonna do. And you totally owned it too. Like, I could even tell in your confidence and like the way that you told me, you were like, well, this is what we're gonna do. On our first week, we're gonna meet individually. Second week, it's gonna be together. And you're just like owning it. Like, just, this is what it is. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like, once you come from a place where you're confident in what you do, then they'll be easy to— it's like, oh, okay, that's all she want me to do. Okay, fine. But the thing is, you have to give your clients direction on what you want for them to do. Yeah, you have to direct them, right? Because, you know, they're here for a reason. They're here for you to help them, but you got to provide assistance to them and give them which way you want them to go. And they'll be willing to do it, right? Just long as it's clear and they can understand, they're like, hey, let's, let's get started.

Yeah. Yep. And you have to like step into that leadership role, right?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And the thing too, also myself being married, so I can relate from being being in an individual setting and then also being in a married setting, right? Because I know my husband, he, he's made this comment, you know, a lot. He was like, boy, since she been coaching, you just been nice. And I'm like, I've always been, you know, nice, but it's just like, it's a different side of me being his wife, right? And I think it has a lot to do with something that I know that I had to learn for myself. Like, my husband has his own business, right? So he's in the music arena. So with him always having something going for himself. Before I was a coach, I didn't have anything going on. Like, I was a mom, you know, I'm taking the girls to basketball training, basketball games, weightlifting training, you know, doing whatever they need for school, you know, supporting my husband as being a wife, cooking and cleaning, all that good stuff. But I never had a space for Darnita, right? So now when we became a coach and I got space for myself and I'm running my own business, I get it, right? I get it when my husband was like, okay, give me a couple hours, I have to work on this proposal, or I have to run to the studio and do this and do that, or I have to go out of town, I understand now, you know. So now with myself staying up late at night, you know, making my plans, you know, making sure I have my material ready for my client in the morning, you know, it causes a lot of time that I'm away from my family as well. But I understand it better too. And then, and then also, it's like you say, you practicing what you preach. You constantly putting out there about being positive And so now it's changing the dynamic in my own marriage, you know, where I'm more in a positive light. And things that, you know, my husband may do that may, you know, um, things that my husband may do when I, um, was to, you know, bother me at times, like now I don't allow myself to be in that same space.

Yeah, yeah.

So Yeah, so that's, that's the thing about— I appreciate it where it's allowing me to continue to keep growing and just being the person that I am. And, and, and that was what is helping me, um, to just continue to just do better and better, better. So my husband made the comment, he said, he said, oh, I'm just gonna wait and see. He said, but you're doing good. I was like, oh, thank you.

Means so much, like, whenever your partner says that, he's like, yeah, I see you, like, I see you over there, I'm proud of you.

Yeah, yeah. And they, you know, and it's so true. Like, he is— he— my husband Charles is very, very supportive of me. And then also with my girls, Natalie and Nicole, they've been like super champs, you know. They, they get it that mom's a relationship coach. So I remember one incident, I was in Rue 21 with the girls getting some clothes, and a client called. So I'm on the phone with them talking, and Natalie was like, Mommy, don't worry about it, I got it. I'm gonna go ahead and check out. You talk to your client. I know what to do. I was like, okay. So she went and checked out and she came back. She say, Mommy, they asked me for my email address, so I gave them yours. And they asked me for my phone number and I gave them your— I said, well, you know what, Natalie? Good job. Even though the girls are 12, Natalie and Nicole, I say they understand. They told me before too, like, Mom, we miss you. We miss having you, having them at their disposal, right? Just being able to be oh, you know, they're for them. But then now it's kind of like my time is different, you know, and they just respect it. It's just a part of growing.

What does that look like, like as far as balancing it with the family and like with the marriage and the kids? Because that too was something that I had to learn. You know, I was teaching, like I was a full-time teacher whenever I started my business. And it was so funny because it was like on the hush-hush kind of, and it was like, you know, I'm teaching this online like thing that no one really knows about, and then trying to integrate it. And I literally remember, you know, I would leave work, I would leave from school, and then I would go to Starbucks for like an hour. You know, that was all I had from 3:45 to like 4:45. And then I would go get the kids, you know, so it was like an hour a day was all I had. So, right. Yeah. What does that look like trying to balance it all?

Well, what I can say, like, for example, last night the girls had weight training., practice with their coach. So I said, you know what, I have some downtime. I was like, yes, I could be doing something else, but I was like, darnita, take advantage of this opportunity. Go ahead and sit down and do your assignment, right? And while you have time, because you have a client in the morning. So it's like, now the time that I did have more freely, I'm more cautious of my time now. So I have to— when I have that moment, I have to really say, okay, Yeah, I'm tired, I need to take a nap right now, but let me go ahead and just push through another 45 minutes and just get it done. And that way when 7 o'clock comes here, I'm ready to go for my coaching session. Yeah, so it's just adjusting, adjusting. It's different.

Yeah, like you're learning how— okay, so these are the things, and you're probably getting really strategic about what's important and what's not important. Like, what are the priorities versus like what is just kind time wasting, you know. Um, I know that was, you know, a problem for me in the beginning, like, oh well, I'm working, I'm on Instagram, I'm just scrolling. Like, no, you know, you have to get very, um, intentional with like where your time goes and what you're doing with it.

Yes, it is true, because even like with this morning, I had to get up with the girls, um, because it like— where we're at here, it's like 30 degrees in Snellville, so it's extremely cold. So with them get on the bus, I normally like take them to the bus stop and just let them sit in the car, you know, get kind of warm before the bus comes and I say, you know what, I really did want to go to Sam's to get the things I need, some more paper towel and, you know, toilet paper and stuff. I said, but no, I said, darn it, stay local because I know I have this interview with you at 10:30, right? And I know you mentioned like, hey, please be on time, please be in a space where you're able to not be distracted. So I was like, you know what, I have to respect Lindsay's time, so let me just come back home, right? Go downstairs, get prepared, and be early. And that's what I did. And I was just sitting there waiting. You was like, I'm waiting for the host to let me in, you know? But I get it, you know what I'm saying? I really get it. And that's the thing, um, when you were doing your 4-day challenge, I remember as well, you gave us a lot of homework assignments. And I said, no, no, no, it's not a— no, it's not a bad thing. What I'm saying is you took your time to actually write all that information out. And I said, if she took her time to do that, let me do my job and responding to her questions and not just give her 3 sentences, you know, because it's more than just 3 sentences of information that I wanted to share with you. So I really took that part seriously. Like, no, I'm going to sit down and I just typed everything out. And if you notice, on every day we had a homework assignment, I always responded, you know, in full format, and it was what I was truly experiencing, you know, for myself. So yeah, you have to be intentional about it.

Yeah, and you received more from it by showing up that way. Like, yeah, you know, you were being respectful of being it and me putting in the effort, but like, you did that ultimately, and like, you got more out from it, right? Instead of just kind of like halfway doing it, you know, one foot in, one foot out. Like, no, you really put your time into it, and look what you took from it.

Yes, I, I took a lot from it, you know. And, and that's the thing, it's like, I know that I'm just Darnita, right? I'm the best. It's okay, I'm not trying to be the best. But one thing I know for myself, and I'm really big on, and I also share this too with the girls as well, whatever situation you're in, I don't care if it's 10 minutes or 5 minutes or 45 minutes, try to be present in that situation. And what can I learn from it? That is the main thing. What, what can I learn? Because it's something for me to— I'm here here for, for a reason. So what can I learn from it? Even from this interview with you, I'm taking my notes as we're talking because it's something for me to learn.

I love that.

Yeah, thank you, thank you. So once you always come a place from, you know what, I just want to learn, I just want to grow, that's just how I am, you know, I just want to soak up everything I can, and then it helps me to internalize what I really want to do and how I want to make, you know, changes to my program because I'm always always changing, making different things. If I have something else different, I want to put it into my program. If I want to make it longer, like, hey, I got more material, you know? So it works.

Yes, that's awesome. Okay, so I'm curious, do you do any type of like, um— I was not into personal development before like I got into the coaching world, so like I had never read like a self-help book or like anything like that. The first book I ever read was, um, not the first book I ever read, like, but the first, like, personal development book was, um, Everything Is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo. And, like, since then, since, like, last year, I have just been, like, hooked on these books that make you grow and, like, you know, on TV series, things like that. So I'm curious, like, are you into, like, reading any type of, like, self-help, personal development, you know, coaching books? Like, yeah, yeah.

Well, I haven't, um, read any. I definitely have a lot that I've jotted down. Um, well, Well, a couple of them, I can't remember name. I like to— I'm not a reader. I will read, but I first— I like audio. So even with me talking to you, right, even me talking to you today, I have on my headset because that's how I process information. It seeps in, you know, more effectively to me when it's coming in through my ears, right? So when I do read something, I'd rather do the audiobooks. But a lot of my, um, my personal development or growth experience is just being, um, the things that I I went through within my life, and then just like the different relationships that I've had with different people. So that kind of really helps me motivate when it comes to helping my clients in personal development.

I think that that's, that's even better, right? So like anyone that's listening right now, like this is your— this is— hey, like it's okay if you've never picked up— yes, Tony Robbins book. If you don't even know what that is, you don't have to be an expert in it. You don't have to do it And I, and I just love that because you're not going to let that hold you back, right? Like, you are just owning that, hey, like, I have an entire life's worth of experience, of relationships, of my own marriage, my own growth, like everything, you know? And, and that, that's, that's a whole master's degree, doctorate degree, whatever. Like, you have life, you know? You have the, the master's degree in life.

Yeah, right. Yeah, totally. Because I've, you know, I've been married before, so this— I've been divorced course, right? I've been raising, um, the two girls, Nala and Cole, on my own at 3 years old, you know. Also, I was diagnosed with lupus. So dealing with the health condition, being on my own, is just trying to figure things out. Like, I've been through a lot, you know. So, and just praying and, you know, waiting and asking God for the things that I wanted, you know, more so for the twins versus myself. And that's what he gave me within my husband. But I had a lot of work that I had to do because I was broken. You know how they say I was gracefully broken? You know, I love that song by Tasha Cobbs. Um, but that's just what I was. I was just, just broken. I had to figure it out, you know. But I knew for me I wanted to get myself together because I didn't want God to bless me with my gift and then I mess it up. That was my biggest thing. It was like, Darnita, be available work it out, whatever you need to figure out, but you gotta get it right. Because I knew by me praying and by me waiting, that was my gift. And that's how I look at my husband, like, no, that's everything I prayed for, you know, within him. So I have to value that gift, and I do it all the time. Because I was like, no one knows what I prayed for but God. And then when I met my husband and he started doing those things that I prayed for, I was like, there is a God, he's listening, you know. So yeah, I hold that sacred, totally sacred.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. How long have you and your husband, um, been together?

We've been together 6 years and we've been married for 3 years.

That's beautiful. Yeah, I agree, girl. Like, there are things that like Daniel does, or like, you know, just the type of person that he is, just like naturally who he is, and I'm like, yep, God was listening.

Yeah, it— and it's, and it's a blessing because I'm telling you, Charles will tell you to this day, he was like, whoo, when I met you, yeah, you know, it was just, it was just a growing process, you know, because I was by myself. I was trying to figure out to be the best mom that I could be in that moment, right? And I had to give myself grace for that. And then the twins, they were 3 years old, you know, they didn't have no father structure, right? The father wasn't present. So he was just like, I get it. He said, I almost— he said, I almost walked away because it was a lot to handle at that one time. But he said something told him, Charles, hang in there. This is gonna be your wife. Just wait, right? And, and that's what he did. He just— he said, I hung in there. And he's like, you know what, as we grew, right, because there was a lot of things, there was a lot of changes I had to make and I had to understand. Because when I was previously married, I did everything thing. So when the guy come to spray the house, I would get up, go answer the door. When a guy come cut grass, I'll get up, you know. He was, he was not that type of person to really take charge and, and step into his manhood, you know. Um, so I, I did it. But then when I got remarried—

I'm gonna press some buttons with that one.

Well, I'm, I'm being honest, you know what I'm saying? So it, it helped me to be more responsible but it also, I think, hurt me at the same time too. Because when I married my husband, with Charles being 9 years older than me, right, I'm 40, he's 49, I had to really learn how to step back. Because I start doing that same thing, right, when we moved here. And he was like— I remember this Terminator guy came into the house, and I was getting him to open the door. He looked at me, he was like, what you doing? Yeah, I don't need your help. He's like, how? And I, I needed him to check me on that, you know, because actually that wasn't my place, you know, because I'm taking away his manhood. And that's the one thing you don't want to do is emasculate a man. You don't want to do that, right? And I— you don't want him to feel that you don't need him, right?

So I really want— oh my God. They won't feel needed. I'll take from this is like, your man just wants to feel needed.

Yes, yes, absolutely. Yeah. And that's what I do. Even if something that I, I can do, I'll still say, oh babe, you know, if you're available, do you mind? You know, I need air in my tire. You know, good. Yeah, I can go put it, but I was like, I need your help, you know. And it's another thing too with my husband. I always assume that my husband is busy, right? So when I— when he— when I need something from him, I always ask him, hey babe, if you're available, 'Can you please do this for me?' And they really appreciate you assuming that they already have something else going on, right? So I don't want to take from that.

Yeah, yeah, respect another time. Yeah, girl, that is like gold. I swear to you, that is gold in that sentence right there.

Yeah, yeah. But I had to learn it, you know, I really did, because I say I had to change my approach, right? Because I knew—

yeah, I didn't even realize that that dynamic was off, right? Because you were so used to it, you know, that was just the way that things were. So you didn't even realize?

No, I didn't. I didn't. And one day I just felt— I had felt bad because he was just like, Darnita, I just feel that you don't need me. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that's not my intention. Please understand it's not my intention. So I said it was something that I needed to work on, right? So that's why I said in the— in my previous marriage, it was a— it was a good thing to be kind of assertive and be be responsible in the forefront, then again it was kind of like, uh, not so much, you know. So I just had to learn how to, you know, adjust that dial just a little bit.

And, um, yeah. And now, and now it's like, as you're building your business and you're stepping into like this leadership role in your business, it's kind of like, if we want to put it in like gender terms, like you're like the man of your business, sort of like, yeah, you know, you're stepping up and you're being the boss of your business, yet you still have like that place in your relationship to like lean back, you know, and to just like— and to know that like your partner has you, like, that is— that's a blessing.

Yeah, it is. It feels good to be covered. Like, it really feels good. And that's one thing, like I tell my husband, like, I don't— certain things I don't have to worry about, you know. It's like, I know he's responsible for that, right? And, and I'm responsible for that. Yes, I can help us, you know, add to— add to it, but it's just like, that is not my responsibility, right? And that's the thing, when I was in my previous marriage, I had to carry that whole load and it was heavy, you know, it was heavy and I was tired. And that's when I was like, you know, I can't do this anymore. So once I came to the realization that, you know what, I don't want this marriage, I just had to do what I had to do and just tell them and be honest and just said, hey, I want a divorce.

Yeah, you know, and I'm glad I did. Yeah, totally. And look what you have, you know, look where you are. So is that where— I'm curious, um, like your Instagram name is like Marriage to Coaching and like the business name is Marriage to Coaching. Is that sort of where that come from? Tell me the origin on that.

Well, yes, actually, um, because it's like in marriage it is a lot of coaching that goes into marriage, right? So once you come from being divorced and you learn, right, and you grow, and then you get remarried, right, and you're still— what, you're learning and you're still growing. So it's like you both doing coaching both sides of it, but now it's just bringing it together. So that's why I get marriage to coaching, right? It's just still in the process of growing.

Oh, I love that. Yes, thank you. Oh, that's— yeah, I tell Daniel all the time, like, you know, like, you are like one of my biggest, you know, mentors, really, because he helps me just, you know, in sales. He helps me in like, you know, stepping up and like voice, like I go to him to like bounce ideas off of, like about this podcast coming up and like, you know, just ideas in my business. And like, he is like— I should probably pay him.

Hey, I do the same thing too, because I was like, I was like, babe, you know, I got this client and she asked me about her husband, you know, like how do I incorporate it where I'm not charging— you know, I'm charging her the full rate, right? Then I have her husband, you know, I want to give some type of discount, you know, I don't want to charge him the full rate as well. And do also, you know, group coaching at the same time. So yeah, I'm constantly bouncing ideas off of my husband, you know, saying what does he think, you know. So, uh, it's good because I don't know everything, right? Right.

Yeah, exactly. Use that resource, right? Use that resource.

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh my gosh, this has been so good, Darnita. And I know that we're like going over time. We had the worst— not the worst, but we definitely had a learning curve, like live and stuff. Um, but this has been so good, Darnita. Okay, so tell us, what are the next steps for you if someone wanted to like work with you or like even explore that option? You know, if they wanted to get more in touch with like, you know, their self and improving their relationships, not just with their partner but, you know, just all around, right? Like, what, what would that look like for them? How could they do that?

Well, now at this present moment, what I'm offering to all my new potential clients— everybody is going to get a free, no-cost, 90-minute coaching session with me. So this would be the opportunity for you to just to meet me in Zoom, right? I really get to know more about you. We ask a series of questions, and then also too, I give you a breakdown of my program. So every week you'll understand what you're going to get from week 1 to week 8, right? And then also let them know that I will be there for them to, you know, help them to get to their next level, whatever their future goals is, you know, I'm going to help them do that, you know. So I love that, you know, just me being available to be their accountability partner. Like, that part is so important, you know. And I really love what I do. Like, I really love following up. My clients will tell you, I'll send a nice little text, hey, you have your homework, or did you do this, do that, you know. Or I give them a phone call because I really want them to that just because we meet that one time, like, that's not it. You know, we're going to meet that one time for that week, but I'm also going to provide you additional support as well too. So I think that's the big part of it, just making myself available for them.

I love that. I, I can imagine how freaking blessed your clients are. Like, I can just tell that you were just there for it, you know, for their growth, for all of it. Yeah, they're so blessed. Okay, so if someone I wonder if I can like put a comment over here. What is your— can't post. Okay. Oh, I can't leave a comment. You know what? So after we come off of here, we're going to put your link in the comments. Okay. So that people can book that 90-minute session with you if they feel called to do so.

Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited. And that's why I offer it, because people meet you on Facebook, they don't really, you know, know you, right? Or Instagram. So this is just giving them an opportunity to really meet me and say, okay, I like her, I like what she's doing, or you know what, not so much. And, and that's okay too, because I know I can't reach everybody. So whatever that group that God has for me to put my hands on and allow me to pour into their life, that's what I want, you know. So yeah, just spreading a little bit of goodness.

Exactly, putting that light into the world. That's beautiful. Okay, so whenever this post, um, yeah, we're gonna put your link link underneath. That way they can share time with you. And yeah, this has been so good, Darnita. Like, I have loved connecting with you, and I just know that, you know, everyone that's watched this, like, I know that they've taken something from it, you know, like whatever that little golden nugget may have been. I know that people have taken something from this. Um, so yeah, thank you so much for coming on. I've really enjoyed this.

No, no problem. It's just, hey, just be your authentic self. That's, that's all I can be. This is Darnita Mathis. This is my life, you know. So hey, I hope you can gain some type of information in and just helping you become a better person. But just be true to who you are.

Yeah, be true to you. Oh, I love it. Okay, goodbye Facebook. Thank y'all for watching, and we're gonna replay up and put the comment for you to work with Darnita.

All right, all right.

Thank you, hon. Yes, you're so