#41: How to stop playing small and own your TRUTH with Kelly Wilson

Special word which I love is sovereignty. Fly that beautiful butterfly that you are. Be who you are and give it to the world because there's no one like you. You were created in your uniqueness because we need you to be you.

Hey, Coach, my name is Lindsey and I'm here to help heart-centered women like you build the money-making coaching business of their dreams. I've been coaching since 2019 and this pod is about So much more than building your business. It's about using your gifts to build a life and business you're 100% obsessed with. I went from working 50+ hours a week as a first grade teacher to building a sustainable business that replaced my job salary and gave me back 30+ hours a week of my time. Tune in to join the ride and learn from other coaches and experts along the way. Welcome back everyone to the Aligned Coach Podcast. I'm so excited to have you all here. Thank you. If you are a new listener tuning in, Anyone that is recurring, that's coming back for some more juicy goodness, you're in for a very special treat today. I have an awesome guest on. I have Kelly Wilson here with us. Kelly is a Life Activation Coach. She is also known as the Butterfly Guide. We were just jamming out before this episode and I'm like, we have to hit record, we have to hit record because we're already diving into so many, so many good things. Around, you know, shifting the paradigm that we're in, the work that we're doing as Coaches, the new energy that we get to play with as leaders of the world. So this is going to be a really good episode. Welcome on, Kelly.

Hi, thank you very much for having me.

Yes, yes. I'm so excited. I'm so happy for this episode already.

I'm, I'm blossoming with information. It's going— let's do this.

Yeah. Yes, let's do it. All right, Kelly. So tell us a little bit about you, where you're from. Also, I want to swap things up the way that we have our, have our guests and our listeners connect with us. So will you go ahead and tell our listeners how they can go and connect with you? I know that most podcasts, like anyone listening right now, like I know that usually we wait until the end to do this. But I want to swap it out that way. If you want to go stalk Kelly while you're listening to her, you can do that. So Kelly, first of all, tell us where they can connect with you. And then introduce yourself.

Perfect. Thank you. Again, so excited. This is just going to be fun and exciting. So I'm the Butterfly Guide. My website's the butterflyguide.com. The Butterfly Guide. My IG handle is The Butterfly Guide. I have a Facebook group called Becoming Extraordinary because that is what life is all about, is becoming extraordinary. So, like Lindsay said, I am a Life Activation Coach and I help women win at life, love, and relationships. So, I want to pause here because this is exciting. This is what we are all about. I just did a pivot recently in my business. So, as a line Business Coaches, right, we have not only the right, the responsibility to pivot, to answer what is emerging and bring forth new energy. I was previously known as a woman that helps women rebuild after heartbreak, and what I discovered was that kind of felt yucky. Even the words that carry the energy kind of feel yucky. So, I did a pivot. I want to activate you. I want life activation. I want to help you win at love, life, and relationships, not just rebuild. I mean, it is about rebuilding, but it is also about winning. And it is about winning for yourself. It is not a competition. It is about living large, feeling amazing, and becoming extraordinary. So, I think I covered a little bit about, and a little bit about me is my journey started 9 years ago, my own transformational journey. So, I am certified as a transformation coach. My own transformational journey of rebuilding and redefining who I am, and it started 9 years ago when I went through a divorce. I was a mom of 4 young men. That my life was crumbling, my life was falling apart. I went through a divorce. My life was further shattered. I was utterly lost in life at that point, not knowing who I was, not knowing which way was up was something I often said, and really just trying to figure out who I was in this mess that was happening. What I discovered, too, is this, you know, that is the surface story. What I want to uncover is the untold story of my life, and the untold story is I am a woman that suffered, that really experienced low self-confidence, low self-worth, and that was what was driving my bus in life, and that is what was destroying my life. My divorce only shattered me further. I remember thinking that, gosh, I remember thinking that I was not a good mom or I was not good enough, and that was a story that continued to play play in my head, not being good enough for love, not being good enough for relationships. And then that presented as my life was continuing to fall apart. I was attracting, you know, worse relationships or relationships that weren't the loving partnerships that I was looking for. And it just continued until I invested in myself. I invested in a deep spiritual program, which was a 10-month program to really discover who I was and what the universe and how to relate to it and what it meant for me. Then, I continued the rebuild. I continued to reclaim my self-worth, develop my self-confidence. Where my voice used to be silenced, I claimed this beautiful, loud, powerful voice that I have. It has been a journey. So, I said it started 9 years ago and even 3 years ago there, I was playing with this dance of silencing myself in my career, silencing, you know, the— and I am a successful, high-achieving career woman and I had these underlying beliefs that were driving my life. I want to normalize that for everyone right now, that you can be a high achieving woman. You can have everything going on in your life except love, except you are not fulfilled, except you are not, you know, thriving in life. I want you to know that is completely and utterly all possible. When you start making those shifts inside, extraordinary things happen on the outside. So, I am going to leave it there. I have been talking a lot, but I can see you, Lindsey, you are getting lit up. You are loving this. So, let's continue.

Oh my God, all of it, all of that, all of it. I think that so many of us relate to almost going, having to go down, down, down, down, down to uncover, oh, this is what it, this is where I've been hiding. This is where I've been dimming myself. This is where I've been like playing small, right? And then the climb out of that, right? I read this book, I don't, maybe you've read it. It's called She like the heroine's journey. Okay, yeah, so she talks about going deep, deep, deep, deep down and then coming out of it. And that's just what you— what your story reminds me of. And I think a lot of us have been through that, right? Especially like as coaches and like in this— in the space that we're in right now. Like we know what it's like to be in the pit and to be in the shit, right? And to be trying to work through it and then emerging out of it so that we can move towards light. So that's a beautiful journey. Thank you.

And what's— thank you. And what's hard is when you're in that deep, deep shit, you don't know your way out. You don't know which way's up or down. You don't know how to pull the pieces.

And what happens—

and I love what you said, deep, like down, down, down, down, down, because that's exactly what— you don't just go down once, you have to go down a couple times.

Down, down, down, down, down. Yes, exactly.

Yes. I— so I love the heroine's journey. I liken it to the journey of the butterfly. That's why I'm the butterfly guide. So really, it's about about, you know, you are not meant to live the life of a caterpillar, right? And life does happen to support you, to help you with this journey that often looks like something you didn't choose, but it helps you with this journey of going from caterpillar to butterfly so that down, down, down as you enter the chrysalis and you are in this transformational experience and that the difference is you can go in it on purpose Or you can go in it because of life experiences are making you reinvent yourself or making you change and see things differently. If you haven't yet, you continue to have another experience and, you know, life gets louder and louder and louder when you are not paying attention or not making the changes that, you know, that is being kind of you are invited into. So, really the upward is when you are coming out of the chrysalis as a transformed caterpillar. Like, we don't go into coaching I say this to my clients, my intent is not to make you a prettier caterpillar. My intent is to make you come up, you know, to help you come out the other side to become a beautiful butterfly. So your hero's journey comes at— you're out of the chrysalis. Now, this is the untold story too, is it's scarier than all get-out when you come out of that chrysalis. You are a new transformed person trying to relate to your old life. And so there's another big opportunity of transforming your outer experiences. And I see, you know, my beautiful clients, attracting jobs that are aligned to their worth, attracting and finding partners that are aligned to their self-love and their self-confidence and their inner worth. So you're out— after you go through that transformational experience, life starts corresponding to you differently. That's when the magic happens. And that's when you're the beautiful butterfly flying out in your whole new garden of life. I love it.

But do you feel like after you have went through this metamorphosis and you're this beautiful butterfly, do you feel like maybe in what we do that the butterfly then has to come back inwards again and maybe has to like go into the chrysalis again and then become like a butterfly 2.0. You know, because I feel like it never stops. Like the work never stops. Yeah.

So 100%. And I've thought about like version 2.0, 3.0, 4.0. And in my life, like my first story was about rebuilding after heartbreak. My second story was leaving my corporate career because it was no longer aligned with everything and everything that I was deep down inside of me. It was wasn't aligned with my worth, my integrity, my values, etc., etc. And so it was another whole transformational experience of leaving my comfort zone, leaving the caterpillar life again, you know, if you will, leaving my comfort zone, taking a big leap of faith. And it wasn't a leap of faith, it's a, it's a calculated leap of faith. There's a difference, right? Following soul-aligned action, listening to your soul and what wants to emerge. And when you do that, you know, it becomes less of a risk because you are answering your soul's calling and your soul's purpose. But you still need to go through owning your worth, developing the confidence, flying in a whole new perspective, maybe different wind, different location, you are still uncomfortable and you use the tools that we have already developed. You receive new tools. Like, I have a Coach right now that is helping me through this process. I have a mastermind. I have a group of people. I have a lot of support surrounding me right now because I know I am not going to do this alone. I am not going to do this in a vacuum. That's not, that's not self-love, you know, doing things alone and hanging yourself up to dry. That's not self-love.

Absolutely. It is not one and done. I think that especially like for a lot of, a lot of us that are, that are Coaches, we do this as a profession. We, it's easy to think, and especially I think like what we were talking about before the call started, but around like the marketing shift that's happening, I think that in the past and we're coming out of it, but in the past there was this Okay, do it this one time, invest into this one mastermind. This is the one way to do it. And then we were like, what? Well, why didn't I get the results that I wanted? Or why didn't I come out this beautiful 4.0 butterfly on the other side whenever that was sold on, right? And I think that what you just said was beautiful, that there are so many stories that you're going to go through. There are so many transformations that you're going to work through. Never, ever, ever stop, like, giving yourself what you need, right? Like, you need, you know what, accountability, go get it. You need some group, like, go give yourself that, right? Because it does, like, there is no, it's like motherhood. Like, there's no trophy for like doing it alone, right? Or doing it the hard way, or, you know, like, there's no trophy for that. So like, give yourself what you need, get the support that you need.

And we talked about this before, and this is perfect to bring it into, and do it your way. Like, come to trainings education, workshops, coaching. Like, a good coach will really empower you to stand in who you are, empower what's emerging inside of you, give that voice, help you build what is becoming of you versus— you talked about this in one of your previous podcasts— of telling you XYZ and do it my way of XYZ. And what happens is we give our power away to that coach. We create accidentally a codependent relationship. That is not something what we want to do. We want to build sovereignty. We want to empower sovereignty with you, and that's what's emerging in the world right now is really, and especially for women. I have so many clients right now, women clients that are angry and they're waking up and they're realizing, I'm tired of operating in this predominant male paradigm that has been our culture in our society. We are waking up to a new experience, which is women have a right to stand and be who they are. They have a right to follow their dreams. They have a right to use their Empowered Life to make a difference and to create and to stand up, right? So, coaching and what I want to offer, and I know we talked about this, is that self-empowerment and this special word, which I love, is sovereignty. Fly that beautiful butterfly that you are. Be who you are and give it to the world because there is no one like you. You were created in your uniqueness because we need you to be you.

Yeah, 100%.

Oh my gosh.

I feel like this is like a motivational speech. Like whoever is driving in their car right now listening, like, I know you are getting so pumped up right now. I love it. I love it. You know, I have been doing a lot of deep dive into my own work as a Business Coach because I primarily work, I started as a relationship coach. A lot of my stuff was around healing your intimacy, working through childhood wounds and things like that. I made a pivot last year in a business coaching, and now it's so ironic because the deeper that I get into business coaching and working with women that are building their businesses, as I realize that so much of it is coming back to doing the inner work, right? It's coming back to owning your voice. I was literally on a client call this morning and we were just kind of reflecting over the last like 8 or 9 months and. And one of her biggest transformations has been, oh, like, I'm not permission seeking from you anymore. Like, oh, like, I come to you and I say, Lindsay, like, this is what I want to do. Would you like to offer me feedback on it? But, but she's no longer asking me, well, like, what do you, what do you think? Right?

Right.

And it's just like owning your voice, being decisive, having certainty around, oh, well, this may not be the one and done answer, but like, I have confidence that I can make a decision.

Right.

So, so, so much of what you said around like owning your worth and your voice and, you know, all those things, it's coming. It just feels very full circle right now in my own personal, in my own personal journey where I'm like, ah, yes, yes, yes. I feel like it's such a beautiful moment right now in the industry on a huge like macro level, but also like for me personally, it's a, it's a pivotal moment as well. And it sounds like it is for you too with your recent pivot.

Absolutely. And, you know, every experience we have had offers a lesson, right? And so the old way of marketing and the changes that are happening, and even if you were in that experience where you gave your power to someone else, or, you know, that's a learning opportunity. So it is not about shaming that I had that experience and I didn't show up at my best. It's a learning opportunity. It was an empowerment lesson. And maybe you didn't choose to be empowered that time. Maybe all that you chose was I'm just going I'm just going to listen for the next couple of months because that's all that I'm capable of. Well, then good for you. Right. And now the next time you're presented with it, you're like, ah, I learned more. I'm 2 months older now. I'm going to make a different choice. I realize what that made me feel or what that, you know, the outcome of making that choice. I'm going to make a different choice. But I just want anyone listening to that. Everything's a learning opportunity. Everything that's happening in your life. And if you have some things in your past that you're not proud of, You know, those are lessons to harvest, and that's radical forgiveness when you can actually harvest the lessons of whatever happened to you, good or bad. You know, a lot of my clients have gone through painful relationships, you know, and, and a lot of heartbreak. And I know they would say to me, it's so hard to be grateful for that, that pain. Pain gets you to change. Pain gets you to pause and to say, what do I do differently? So in a way, I mean, it is one of your teachers. Pain is one of your teachers because it helps you course correct. And so, like we were just seeing in my personal, I wasn't 100% aligned with the words I was using to describe my business. Now, my program, my clients, they were all receiving the transformation, but my words weren't aligned. And words are powerful. You know, they carry a lot of energy. And so what I discovered was, you know, when I was saying I help women rebuild from heartbreak, it just was amplifying. Yeah, your face just told it to me right there.

Right. Very reactive. Like me, it feels like, oh, I'm reacting to this heartbreak from this man or from this relationship. You know, that, that's how it feels to me. Yeah.

Yeah. So I, yeah. So the pivot was, I want, you know, I want to help you win at life. Win at love, win at relationships. And so just having like, wow, words are so powerful. And I hope everyone— I know Lindsay's feeling it right now in her facial expression.

I love it. I love the word activate. And, and, and Kelly, I do have— sometimes I'm like, oh, because I think that a lot of times we give our power away to words accidentally. What I mean is that we spend a lot of time, oh, like, let me put together the perfect I help statement. Oh, let me make sure everything is just right and doesn't You know, let me put it on my Instagram bio or like my Facebook page, whatever. And we spend so much time ruminating on those things. So like, yes, it's powerful. Yes, I want you to feel really, really good about it. However, ultimately, the magic is in the energy and in the expertise and in the, in the information and the transformation that you're delivering, right? So, so yes, have a point. Like, yeah, you know, make your words feel good to you, but also don't give your power away to it. You know, I take that statement like every month, probably.

Yeah. Don't cross the perfectionist line, you know, do what you can. Stop before you become a pro. I mean, I'm a recovering perfectionist. Well, you know, like probably a lifetime recovering perfectionist. And I learned a while ago, this was, I saw, I went through an MBA. I earned my MBA, I think in 2017 through 2019, maybe 2016. I graduated in 2019. In the first The first thing my advisor said was, Kelly, are you perfectionist? And out of left field, I'm like, well, yeah, kind of, sort of. I didn't know where he was going with it. He goes, okay, that is going to be your number one hindrance in this program. Stop when you are 60% done and submit your paper. And I did it and I got A's on every single paper. So for a perfectionist, you know, because perfectionist delivers at 150%. So if you stop at what you think is 60%, you are delivering at 100%.

Yeah, wow. That reminds me, I worked in corporate real estate. Our supervisor, CFO, or whatever, had us read this article, and it was about the 80% rule. So it was basically the same thing, like, okay, do it to 80%. Just get it done 80%. Even if you don't feel like it's 100, submit it, get it done. Because so much, you know, we often like get stuck in that last 20%, dragging it out, all second-guessing ourselves, and then it's incomplete, right? Or late or whatever. So I like that. I like that. 60%, 80%, get it done and don't get stuck in the perfectionist ways.

Yeah, normal people stop at 80%, perfectionists stop at 60%.

Yeah, that's good insight. So good, Kelly. Okay, so what would you say to a woman who's listening to this and she's like, yes, like I'm so done playing with my perfectionist ways, or I'm so done playing small and I feel this activation, or I feel this like uplevel, you know, rising inside of me. What can you say to her about really stepping into her power, about owning her truth, her light, and maybe becoming sovereign? Like, what would you say to her right now? No pressure.

You're right. I mean, where do I go from here? No, there's so many different ways. So first of all, you're gonna get scared, right? Because— so what's emerging inside of you and everything you just said is, you know, I'm ready to start being sovereign, to start living with my empowered voice and my empowered life. That is your soul telling you and calling you forward to be larger than what you are now. You know, you've been playing small. It's time to play big. The next thing that's going to happen is you're going to get scared. Change is scary. I am a person that loves change and I get scared, and I know a lot of people don't love change. So you're going to get scared and just know that's your ego. That's your mental, you know, your ego. And so I am not a person to say anything bad about your ego. Your ego has a purpose. It gets you to places. It helps you, you know, pay the bills. It helps you live life. So there is a purpose for your ego. Your purpose is also for your ego is to have you stay the same, to stay in your comfort zone. It knows how to operate in the boundaries that you've created in your life. So if you're looking for a job change, if you're looking for a relationship change, your ego wants you to stay where you're at, even if it's a shitty experience, because it knows itself in that experience. So, you are going to get scared. So, support yourself through being scared. This is where Coaches really do come in because we have seen it. We can help you through it. We can give you tools. So, what happens when you start getting scared is every one of those underlying core beliefs that aren't supportive to you start playing out. You know, I can't do this. I am not good enough to make this change. Who do I think I am? That I have a message to share with the world? All those comes out. And I'm sure from my business, and I'm sure for your business, we're in two different niches, that is absolutely true. Who do I think I am? Oh my gosh. So when I went through divorce, I was— what was I, 38 years old? I had 4 kids in 5 years. I was unemployed for 8 years. I kept thinking, who do I think I am? Like, who would want me? I am a woman that her body has gone through birthing 4 kids. I have 4 young kids in tow. I have not worked. Who would want me? And I still said yes to what was emerging inside of me. And, and you know what? It never was an issue. It never was an issue. So what I will also share is those stories that you tell yourself are your scary, big, bad, scary stories that aren't real. That aren't true. But there's tools and techniques and skilled people to help you get through those limiting beliefs. I mean, they show up. And so one of the things is they show up weird, they show up differently. So a skilled ear will listen and go, you know, and guide you through it. Like, that is a limiting belief that's showing up that's driving your bus. And so like I said, and when I introduced myself, my, you know, my story of divorce wasn't a story— it was a story about a woman rebuilding after heartbreak, but the deeper story was a woman that was rebuilding her self-confidence, her self-love, and her self-worth. That was the underlying story that was driving my bus for years during, like, going up to the divorce and after the divorce.

And you just had to go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, down, down, down to realize what the story was.

Yeah, yeah. And then just watching how life again, of course, you know, So really, you are— your life experience corresponds or relates, you know, to what's happening in your inside world. I think Tony Robbins says this, that your most important relationship is the relationship you have with yourself. So if you want to change your life, change your career, change your love relationships, the quality of your relationships, you know, it starts with you. It starts with the inside work.

Yeah, beautiful. Oh my gosh, that was so, so good. Kelly. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that with us. And once again, if people want to come connect with you, they can find you at— repeat the name of your Facebook group again.

Becoming Extraordinary. And yep, and then The Butterfly Guide on IG, and my website is an easy way to get ahold of me as well.

Okay, this has been so, so phenomenal.. We will link those links in the show notes. Kelly, I appreciate you coming on today. This has been so good, so empowering. I feel fired up from this. Me too. And yes, I just appreciate you coming on. So thank you, Kelly, and we will see you all in the next episode.

Absolutely.

Thank you.