In this dramatized reading of Chapter 6 (Part 1) from the children’s adventure story How to Be a Pirate, Alvin, a self‑described “poor but honest farmer,” recounts how he discovered a cursed coffin while digging potatoes. The coffin’s lid snapped shut like a shark’s jaws, severing his hand; he replaces it with an iron claw. After disarming the trap, he finds only two pieces of paper—a map and a riddling clue—pointing to the legendary treasure of Grimbeard the Ghastly. Alvin explains that only Grimbeard’s heir, aided by a dragon (the “beast”), can locate the treasure, and he seeks the tribe’s help rather than pursuing it alone, citing honesty and lack of a dragon‑sniffing companion. The tribe reacts with horror, curiosity, and skepticism, while characters such as Stoick, Old Wrinkly, Zoid, and others interject, providing comic relief and moral commentary.
Chapters
Chapter 6, The Tale of Alvin, the Poor but Honest Farmer. The whole of the tribe of Hairyhoolians sat round-eyed in silence as Alvin settled himself into Stoick's throne and told his tale.
I was put in that coffin, began Alvin, by some very rude people who not only disbelieve the tale I am about to tell you, But also suspected me of being a common thief. They dumped me over the side of the harbor on their island with a lot of rude laughter.
Meatheads, said Stoick knowingly.
Were they led by a tall chap, one-eyed, bad breath, answer the name of Mugadon?
That does ring a bell.
Admitted Alvin.
But how did you come across the coffin in the first place?
asked Zoid.
I am a poor but honest farmer, said Alvin, and a long time ago in a peaceful country far, far away, I was digging up some ground for planting potatoes when I came across this coffin which Just fell open in my hands. And when you opened this coffin, which clearly states, do not open, on the front?
asked Old Wrinkly thoughtfully.
Was there not some sort of surprise?
You could say that, admitted Alvelyn. Alvin with a good-natured smile that perhaps did not quite reach his eyes.
I opened the coffin, reached forward quite innocently to grab something inside, and the coffin lid snapped shut with the force of a shark's jaws and in one stroke cut off my hand.
Alvin held up his right arm. There, where his hand should have been, emerging from his sleeve, was an iron claw. The hooligans gasped in horror.
Giddy me!
tutted Stoick.
Booby-trapped! I do apologize for my great-grandfather. He did have a nasty sense of humor.
Yes, said Alvin, smiling happily once more.
But lucky for us, poor but honest farmers can take a joke.
And this He gestured to the claw.
It's very handy for opening up oysters. Now, back to my tale. I was careful the next time I opened up the coffin to dismantle the booby trap first. But there was no sign of any treasure inside, nor indeed the body of Grimbeard the Ghastly. What there was—
The entire tribe of hooligans leaned forward eagerly, mouths open, eyes wide.
Was this map and this riddle?
Alvin reached into his breast pocket and held up the map and the riddle for everyone to see. Oh, said Stoick, very disappointed.
No Grimberg? No treasure? No Stormblade? Just 2 pieces of paper?
Ah, but Stoick, said Alvin craftily, these 2 little pieces of paper will lead us to Grimbeard's treasure. Us?
said Old Wrinkly.
Something is puzzling me. You have the riddle, you have the map. Why didn't you just go and find the treasure yourself? Why come here to us?
But that would be dishonest, said Alvin virtuously.
We all know the saga of the lost treasure of Grimbeard the Ghastly. The treasure belongs to you, his descendants. Besides, there's the little matter of the riddle. The riddle makes it quite clear that this treasure cannot be found by just anybody.
Alvin cleared his throat.
Ahem. Dare you brave the watery grave, the death's-head prick of fire and sleep? If you dare, you are my heir, for my heir's beast shall sniff in it there, and he shall tell me underground, am I lost or am I found? So there you see, said Alvin, it seems only the heir to Grimbeard the Ghastly can find the treasure. And only one of his beasts can sniff it out. I assume by beast he means dragon.
Dragons were excellent sniffers and finders of treasure.
A good dragon could sniff out gold and precious metals even if they were buried somewhere way below ground. And I couldn't possibly find this treasure myself, said Alvin, because I don't have a way— because I don't have a way with dragons.
They just don't like me.
I don't know what it is. Anyway, I wonder if any of you have any idea of where the riddle is talking about.
