In this dramatic reading of Chapter 14 from How To Be A Pirate, the Hooligan Tribe aboard the Lucky 13 is suddenly ambushed by the Outcast Tribe sailing the Hammerhead. While the Hooligans are distracted by their recent fight with the Scallions, the outcasts—described as scar‑filled, tattooed, and speaking a harsh Viking‑like tongue called Outkastish—board the ship and seize the crew. Stoick the Vast is grabbed by the throat, a knife pressed to his neck, and his attempt to finish the word “invincible” is cut off, leaving him choking on “invencer.” The tension escalates as Alvin, initially presenting himself as a friendly farmer, reveals his true identity as Alvin the Treacherous, the high chieftain of the Outcast Tribe. He demands a larger share of the Hooligans’ treasure, threatens violence, and even removes Stoick’s Stormblade. The passage mixes vivid descriptions of the outcasts’ grotesque appearance, the chaotic battle atmosphere, and the characters’ fearful reactions, setting the stage for a dire turn in the story.
Chapters
Chapter 14: The Day Takes a Turn for the Worst. Stoick never finished the word invincible because halfway through he was grabbed around the neck by an enormous wild-eyed individual and a not very clean knife was held to his neck. So the word ended up more like invencer, invencer, as Stoick choked and his eyes popped. All around the rowing benches, every hooligan aboard had been grabbed from behind, and knives were held at their— at every throat. The hooligans' nerves were still jangled from the fight from the Scallions, and they had been in— they had been so busy arguing that they hadn't spotted a small, sleek boat sneaking up through the midst and drawing alongside the Lucky 13. A boat named the Hammerhead, which With a sail curved like a shark's fin and a red skull and crossbones painted on the side. A boat packed to the brim with outcasts. They were not a pretty— they were not a pretty crew, despite their height and their handsome red hair and their gorgeous clothes and every kind of gaudy ornament. Many had scars carved in their faces. One or two were without a nose or an ear. Most had filed their teeth into sharp little points, like the teeth of a shark. Even the good-looking ones were disfigured by dark red tattoos said to be made out of the blood of their enemies. They talked to each other in the most difficult of Viking languages, Outkastish, which sounds much like the barking of a dog. The Outcasts had swarmed over the side of the— side and crept up behind the hooligans As they were admiring the treasure and themselves, Toothless had smelt them. Of course, he knew they were coming. Had been going crazy inside the big heavy barrel, shrieking at the top of his voice, "Outcast!
Run, run, run for your lives!
You stupid humans!" But nobody had heard him. All in all, this was turning out. This was turning into a very bad day for the hooligans. Outcasts like Skellians are the kind of creature one really hopes one can live a lifetime without bumping into, let alone seeing both of them at close quarters in the space of one morning. Hiccup did not realize they were outcasts, but he knew they were trouble. His heart started jumping in his chest like a mudskipper as he looked into the terrible face of of the man who had Stoick the Vast by the throat. His curly horns were quite 3 feet high. When he opened his mouth, he growled like a dog. For a whole minute, nobody said a word. This is Outcastanese, and it translates roughly as, Godeyim! What do we do here now, Dreef? Nobody dared move a muscle. There was no noise at all except for the terrible dog-like growling From the Alcats, who was holding Stoic, and the sound of Alvin drinking. There was no knife at Alvin's throat. Calmly, he finished off the last delicious drops of black currant wine. Smoothly, he put down the cup.
I thought that I would provide a surprise ending to our little journey," said Alvin with his charming smile. I do like. Surprises, don't you, my dear Stoick?
Stoick goggled inarticulately.
Some such fun, aren't they?
continued Alvin.
I am so sorry to say, however, that the day of glory for the Hooligan Tribe may be, ah, put off for a while.
You see, I feel like— I feel that I ought have some.
I feel like I ought to have rather more of the treasure than a mere 10%.
And in case you didn't agree, I thought I would bring along some of my relatives to, uh, persuade you to give it up. Stoick gargled again. Alvin barked out a few words in Outcastese to Curlyhorns, who barked back at him.
I have to admit at this point that I have been Guilty of a little innocent deception, said Alvin. My name is not Alvin the poor but honest farmer. I am in fact his most mighty murderous Alvin the Treacherous, great high chieftain to the Outcast Tribe. I don't know why, but I felt that it— I felt that if I had told you this From the beginning, you might not have given me a very warm welcome.
An outcast?! gasped the hooligans. Alvin laughed. That's right, he said.
An outcast. Us outcasts don't always go around on all fours dressed in animal skins, you know. Even we are moving with the times.
He went over to Stoick and gently removed the Stormblade from Stoick's hand.
