Isaac reads Chapter 9 of How To Be a Pirate, where Gobber runs an insult-training lesson in the Great Hall. Stoick arrives with farmer Alvin to announce an expedition to the Isles of the Skellions, creatures that hunt by smell. Hiccup responds to the promise of a posthumous black helmet with a flat "yippee."
Chapters
Chapter 9: The Advanced Rudimentary Lesson Isn't Interrupted. This jumpy time of waiting and preparing for— finally came to an end about 2 weeks later. It was halfway through one of Gubba's advanced rudimentary lessons in the Great Hall. Snotlout was in front of the rest of the class having a rudimentary battle against Toughnut Jr. Toughnut Junior was struggling. He was naturally a good-natured boy, and insults were not his strong point. You, said Toughnut Junior, trying to sound sneery, are a big fat—
and I mean really, really fat— bully, and your granny is a very naughty person. Oh, for Thor's sake, Toughnut Junior!
Exploded Gobba furiously, tearing his beard out.
This is a simple exercise! Can't you do better than that? Snotlout's granny is a yellow-bellied discreet old oyster! Snotlout's granny is a barking mad old warhead! What's that?
Howled Snotlout, so psyched up for the lesson that he didn't care who he attacked. No, no, Snotlout, soothed Gobber.
Not really. I'm just telling Tuffnut you're supposed to think of something extra vile and then spit the words out. You show him, Snotlout.
With pleasure, leered Snotlout. He leaned forward until his nose was just inches away from Tuffnut's. He grabbed Tuffnut around the neck for extra emphasis. His mean little eyes narrowed with menace. His nostrils quivered with temper. You, he spat out with savage contempt, are a cowardly, cowering cuttlefish!
Brilliant, Snotlout, brilliant!
cheered Gobber.
With the heart Of a jellyfish, the brains of a plankton, and the stink of a barrel full of mackerel heads. Oh, bravo!
boomed Gobba.
You go straight to the top of the class. At this rate, Snortlout, you will have no problem whatsoever becoming a pirate, which is more than I can say for the rest of you, etc., etc., etc.
Hiccup raised his eyes to the heavens. He went on absentmindedly drawing pictures in his insults book. He was unexpectedly interrupted by the arrival of Stoick the Vast, and behind him, smiling charmingly, Alvin the poor but honest farmer.
I apologize for disturbing your lesson, Gubba, beams Not at all, said Gobber. But I bring good news. We are about to set out on our glorious quest to the Isles of the Skullons!
There was a short silence in which Fishlegs turned white as she made faint moaning noises, and then everybody else started cheering. Hiccup put up his hand.
What about the Skellions?
he asked. I'm glad you asked that. As we know, he patted Hiccup affectionately on the head, skulkins are terrifying, vicious creatures.
Savage beyond your wildest dreams, muttered Hiccup.
But, beamed Stoick, they have not only lost their ability to fly, but their sense of sight. Indeed, they are guided to their prey almost entirely by smell alone. So it is Alvin's theory that if we bathe thoroughly before we go— unusual, I know, but you have to suffer to be rich—
we should be all right.
Theory? Should be? What you're saying is that Alvin doesn't actually know, and we could find ourselves flat on our backs being chewed to death very slowly. By a bunch of ravenous reptiles?
Stoick nodded. In which case, you shall enter Valhalla as a hero of the tribe. And may I say here, said Stoick solemnly, that anyone who dies in the course of his duty shall be awarded a posthumous black helmet.
