In this narrated excerpt from the children's novel How to Train Your Dragon (Part 18), Hiccup struggles to teach his dragon Toothless basic toilet training, repeatedly dealing with accidents that leave him covered in dragon poo. The scene is punctuated by comedic banter between the Viking friends—Fishlegs, Snotlout, Dogsbreath, and their dragons—who mock Hiccup’s efforts and tease each other with exaggerated insults. Toothless displays a mischievous, almost human personality, delighting in winkles, making sarcastic comments, and threatening the bullies with fiery retaliation. The passage blends slap‑slap humor, playful rivalry, and a light‑hearted commentary on the moral ambiguity of dragons, while also highlighting the camaraderie and teasing that define the Viking group’s dynamics.
Chapters
Only reason we ever do what M-m-man wants is b-because they give us food. What's he saying? asked Fishlegs. Pretty much what you're saying, said Hiccup. Never trust a dragon, said Toothless cheerfully, hopping out of the wallow. And helping himself to one of the winkles that Hiccup had found for him. Toothless was particularly fond of winkles. Just, just like picking your nose, he said. That's what my mother taught me in the nest, and she should know. Hiccup sighed. It was true. Toothless was cute to look at. And very good company. If a little demanding. However, you only had to look into his big, innocent, heavily lashed eyes to realise that he was totally without morals. The eyes were ancient, the eyes of a killer. You might as well ask a crocodile or a shark to be your friend. Hiccup wiped the mud off his face. I'll have to think of something else, said Hiccup. February turned into March and Hiccup was still thinking. A few flowers made the mistake of appearing and went immediately blasted out of existence by a couple of hard frosts that had kept themselves back for this very purpose. Fishlegs could now get Horikau to go and stay on command. Hiccup! Hiccup was still struggling to teach Toothless the basics of toilet training. No pooping in the kitchen! said Hiccup for the 100th time, carrying Toothless outside after yet another accident. It's warmer in the kitchen, whined Toothless. But poo! Go outside! You know that! said Hiccup at the end of his tether. Toothless promptly pooped all over Hiccup's hands and down his tunic. Is outside! Is outside! Is outside! crowed Toothless. At this inopportune moment, Snotlout and Dogsbread came sauntering past Stoick's house on the way back from the beach, their dragons on their shoulders. Well, well, well, sneered Snotlout. If it isn't the useless covered in dragon poo! It actually quite suits you! Heh heh heh! snorted Dogsbreath. That snow dragon! sneered Snotlout. Gee-ered Sea Slug, Dog-Busset's dragon, who was an ugly great Gronkle with a pug nose and a mean temper. That's a newt with wings! That's not a dragon! scoffed Fireworm, Snotlout's dragon, who was as big and bully as her master. That's an ickle newborn bunny wabbit With a pathetic poo problem! Toothless gave a gasp of fury. Snotlout showed Hiccup the immense heap of fish that he had wrapped up in his cloak. Look what Fireworm and Sea Slug caught down at the beach! And it only took a couple of hours! Fireworm coughed, flexed a shining muscle or two, and looked at the claws Oh, please, she drawled. It wasn't even— I wasn't even concentrating. If I was trying, I could have done it in 10 minutes with one wing tied behind my back. Excuse me while I throw up, muttered Toothless to Horikow, who was regarding Firework With disapproval in her big brown eyes. We reckon Fireworm could be a bit of a hunting legend, grins Snotlout. I hear the Horror Cow is partial to carrots. Has the Toothless Wanderer gotten up the nerve to attack a vegetable? Carrots are a bit crunchy, but perhaps he could manage the odd squishy bite. You could give it to him through a straw, perhaps. Dog's Breath laughed so hard that snot came snorting out of his nose. Careful, Dog's Breath, said Fishlegs politely. Your brains are coming out! Dog's Breath bashed him hard and the 2 boys staggered off, Fire Worm making a lunge at Toothless that nearly took his eye out. As soon as they were safely out of earshot, Toothless jumped out of Hiccup's arms and coughed out sheets of flames in a menacing manner. Bullies! Yellowbellies! Come closer and Toothless will fry you to a frazzle! Toothless will drag out your guts and play them on a harp! Toothless! Toothless will! Toothless will! Toothless will! Well, you'd just better not come any closer! That's all. Oh, very brave, Toothless, said Hiccup sarcastically. If you shout louder, they might even hear you.
