In this narrated excerpt from Anne Fine’s children’s novel The Killer Cat Runs Away, Lois Letchford reads Chapter 3 from the perspective of the house cat, Tuffy. Tuffy sneaks out for a brief adventure, returns to find the family gathered in the living room discussing whether to find a new home for him. The family members – Mr Grumpy, the kitten‑loving “Queen”, Ellie, and her parents – argue that Tuffy is unsuitable because of his behavior and the presence of babies, kittens, and televisions. Ellie erupts in tears, pleading that Tuffy is her pet, while her parents suggest replacing him with a gentler kitten (like “Tinkerbell”). The narrator sarcastically comments on the family’s repetitive “cat‑catch” meetings and the fickle nature of cats. After a tense silence, Ellie appears hopeful, seemingly accepting the idea of a new home for Tuffy, only to break down again after eleven seconds, reaffirming her devotion. The passage blends humor, satire, and a cat’s mischievous viewpoint to explore themes of pet ownership, family dynamics, and emotional manipulation.
Chapters
Hello, I'm Lois Letchford reading from the book The Killer Cat Runs Away written by Anne Fine. Chapter 3, The Same Old Boring Catch It. He was a whole lot crosser than I thought. I slipped out for a quick smell tour around the wheelie bins with Tiger and Bella and Snowball. But when I strolled back in, what should I come across but what he calls a family conference and I call the same old boring catchet that I've heard over 1,000 times. What shall we do about Tuffy? There they all were, huddled together in the living room. Old Mr Grumpy, the kitten-loving Queen, and Ellie. I hung around outside the door, eavesdropping as usual. So, says Mr Football-on-the-Telly Addict-gone-Mad, I say that was the last straw and we should find another home for Tuffy. Just like she always does, Ellie burst into tears. No, no, you can't! Tuffy's my pet! My mother usually sticks up for me, but not this time. But he's not safe with babies, or with kittens, or televisions. Ellie's dad added bitterly, still harping on about his own sad loss. Now Ellie stamped her foot. But he's my pet! That's when her father turned even more cunning than usual. Ellie, I know you're very fond of Tuffy, but we could always find another pet. Yes, said her mother. One that's a bit more gentle and doesn't cause quite so much damage. Perhaps a kitten? suggested her dad. Like Tinkerbell? her mother said hopefully. But what about Tuffy? Ellie said through her teeth. What will happen to him? Oh, you know cats, says Mr. What-You-Want, whatever sneaky way you can. They're not like dogs. They don't adore their owners. So long as they're warm and comfy and the grub's good, cats can be happy anywhere. And there are plenty of other places Tuffy could go. I took a peek around the corner and saw Ellie's mother shaking her head at the pulled threads on the sofa where I like to scratch to keep my claws in trim. Yes, she agreed. Homes that are far more suitable than ours. That's right, said Ellie's father. We'll find a home where he'll be just as happy. This is the moment when Ellie always hurls herself face down on the sofa, sobbing and wailing, and threatens to run away if they get rid of me. Her precious pet. This is the moment when she's supposed to shout at them, if you don't love Tuffy enough to keep him, then you don't love me! But there was silence. Just a long, long silence. The longest silence ever. I peered round the door again and couldn't believe my eyes. Ellie was dashing away her tears and looking hopeful. Really? Another home where Tuffy will be just as happy? That's right, said, I never did like that cat anyway. And I could get another pet, a pretty kitten just like Tinker Bell? Why not? Shall I tell you what I did, then? I sat behind the door and waited. And I didn't just wait. I counted to myself. 1, 2, 3, 4. And would you like to know how long it took before Ellie burst into tears again and started sticking up for me? It took 11 seconds! Can you believe it? 11 whole seconds before that disloyal child finally remembered who is supposed to be her amazing, precious Tuffy. The Tuffy she even thinks she will be taking to the special My Wonderful Pet show in her school hall next Thursday. Ho ho! She'll be lucky. The Tuffy she loves so much, she always have and always will and forever and ever and ever. 11 great long seconds. What a cheek!
