In Chapter 5 of the children’s book Diary of the Killer Cat, the feline narrator recounts a chaotic midnight episode. Ellie's father, dressed in black, sneaks out to return the rabbit Thumper to his hutch, dragging a plastic bag and a towel across the yard. The cat community—Snowball, Tiger, Puskins, and others—witnesses the clumsy operation, mocking his poor night‑vision, the oversized hedge hole he creates, and the elaborate “lifelike” placement of Thumper. Meanwhile, the narrator is grounded for “cold‑blooded bunnyside” and tries to stay quiet, but the cats’ laughter and yowls erupt. The chapter ends with Ellie's father shouting from a bedroom window, threatening to nail shut the cat door. The reading captures the humor, mischief, and perspective of neighborhood cats observing human folly.
Chapters
Diary of the Killer Cat, Chapter 5, Friday. I call it Friday because they waited so late. The clock was already well past midnight by the time Ellie's father finally heaved himself out of his comfy chair in front of the television and When he came down again, he was dressed in black. Black from head to foot. You look like a cat burglar, said Ellie's mother. I wish someone would burgle our cat, he muttered. I just ignored him. I thought that was best. Together they went to the back door. Don't switch the outside light on, he warned her. You never know who might be watching. I tried to sneak out at the same time, but Ellie's mother held me back with her foot. You can just stay inside tonight, she told me. We've had enough trouble from you this week. Fair's fair. And anyway, I heard all about it later from Snowball and Tiger and Puskins. They all reported back. They're good mates. They all saw Ellie's father creeping across the lawn with his plastic bag full of Thumper wrapped nicely in a towel to keep him clean. They all saw him forcing his way through the hole in the hedge and crawling across next door's lawn on his Couldn't think what he was doing! Ruined the hole in the hedge! He's made it so big the Thompsons' Rottweiler could get through it now! That Ellie's father must have the most dreadful night vision! He took forever to find the hutch in the dark! And pry the door open, and stuff in poor old Thumper, and set him out neatly on his bed of straw, all curled up, with the straw padded up around him, so it looked as if he were sleeping. It was very, very lifelike, It could have fooled me! If anyone just happened to be passing in the dark, they'd really have thought that poor old Thumper had just died happily and peacefully in his sleep, after a good life, from old age. They all began howling with laughter. Shh! I said. Keep it down, guys! They'll hear! I'm not supposed to be out tonight! I'm grounded! They stared at me. Get out of here! Grounded? For what? Murder! I said. For cold-blooded bunnyside! That set us all off again. We yowled and yowled. The last I heard before we took off in a gang, Up Beechcroft Drive was one of the bedroom windows being flung open and Ellie's father yelling, how did you get out, you crafty beast? So what's he going to do? Nail shut the cat door?
