Lois Reads "How to Train Your Dragon" Part 13

Notice, a real sea dragon is a cruel, careless monster, like the mighty ocean itself. One moment calm as a scallop, the next raging like an octopus. Well, here on Berk, said Hiccup, where we haven't any sea dragons to compare anything with, my dragon is just considerably smaller than You are getting off the point. Am I? asked Ol' Wrinkly. The point is, I just don't see how I'm ever going to become a hero, Hiccup said gloomily. I am the least heroic boy in the whole Hooligan Tribe. Oh, poosh! This ridiculous tribe! Okay, so you are not what we call a born hero. You're not big and tough and charismatic like Snotlout. But you're just going to have to work at it. You're going to have to learn how to be a hero the hard way. Anyway, said Old Wrinkly, It might be just what the tribe needs, a change in leadership style. Because the thing is, times are changing. We can't get away with being bigger and more violent than everybody else anymore. Imagination! That's what they need. And what you've got. A hero of the future, is going to have to be clever and cunning, not just a big lump with overdeveloped muscles. He's going to have to stop everyone quarrelling amongst themselves and get them to face the enemy together. How am I going to persuade anybody to do anything? asked Hippo. How am I going to persuade anybody to do anything? asked Hiccup. How am I going to persuade anybody to do anything? asked Hiccup. They've started calling me Hiccup the Useless. That is not a great name for a military leader. You have to see a bigger picture, Hiccup, continued Old Wrinkly, ignoring him. I've called— you've called a few names. You're not a natural at Bashyball. Who cares? These are very little problems in the grand scheme of things. It's all very well to— it's all very well for you to say they're— it's all very well for you to say they are little problems, said Hiccup, Crossly, but I have a lot of little problems. I have to train a super-small dragon in time for Thorsday Thursday or be thrown out of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe forever. Oh yes, said Old Wrinkly thoughtfully. There's a book on the subject, isn't there? Remind me, how does that professor of Metech University Think you should train a dragon? He thinks you should yell at it, said Hiccup gloomily, chucking stones again. Show the beast to his master by sheer charismatic force of your personality, that sort of thing. And I have about as much charisma as a stranded jellyfish, and yelling is just another thing I am useless at. Yeah, said Old Wrinkly, but maybe you'll have to train your dragon the hard way. You know a very great deal about dragons, don't you, Hiccup? All the dragon-watching you've been doing over the years? That's a secret, said Hiccup uncomfortably. I've seen you talking to them, said Old Wrinkly. That's not true! protested Hiccup, going bright red in the face. Okay then, soothed Old Wrinkly, calmly smoking his pipe. It's not true. There was silence for a bit. It is true, admitted Hiccup. But for Thor's sake, don't tell anybody. They wouldn't understand. Talking to dragons is a highly unusual skill, said Old Wrinkly. Maybe, Old Wrinkly, you can train a dragon better by talking to it than yelling at it. That's sweet, said Hiccup, and a very touching thought. However, a dragon is not a fluffy creature like a cat or a dog or a pony. A dragon is not going to do what you say just because you ask it pretty please. From what I know about dragons, said Hiccup, I should say that yelling at it was a pretty good method. But it has its limitations, doesn't it? Old Wrinkly pointed out. I would say that yelling was highly effective On any dragon smaller than a sea lion, and positively suicidal if you tried it on anything larger. But why don't you come up with some alternative training schemes yourself? You might be able to add something to Professor Yobrish's book. I've often thought that book needs a something Extra. I can't quite put my finger on it. Words, said Hiccup. That book needs a lot more words.