In Chapter 2 of the children’s book Return of the Killer Cat, the narrator—a mischievous cat—describes a chaotic evening at home with the vicar, a lazy cat named Tuffy, and a gang of feline friends (Tiger, Bella, and Puskins). After being denied a fresh tin of food by the vicar, the cat meets the gang, debates what to eat, and decides on a Chinese takeaway, enjoying a feast on a wall. The chapter juxtaposes the vicar’s stingy feeding habits with the cats’ resourceful foraging, highlighting the cat’s rebellious spirit, humorously detailing the cat’s attempts to escape through a bathroom window and its observations of the messy garden. The tone is playful and first‑person, emphasizing themes of hunger, camaraderie, and defiance against authority.
Chapters
The Return of the Killer Cat. Chapter 2. Home. Not so sweet home. Ha! Ah, Mr Houseproud! Off those cushions, Tuffy! I don't think you're supposed to be lolling about on the sofa. Excuse me! Had the vicar not noticed it was me he was talking to? So what was I supposed to be doing? Mopping the floor? Tapping away at the computer? Digging in the garden? Tuffy, don't scratch the furniture! Hello! Whose house? His or mine? If I want to scratch the furniture, I'll scratch it! Worst of all— No, Tuffy! I'm not opening a fresh tin until you finish this one. I took a peek at this. It was hard. It was lumpy. It was yesterday's grub, and I wasn't eating it. I walked away. The last thing I heard was Reverend Barnum calling after me, come back and finish your supper! In his dreams. I was Off out! I met up with the gang— Tiger and Bella and Puskins— and I told them I hadn't had supper. They were hungry too, so we sat on the wall and had a bit of a yowl about where to eat. Fancy peeling the pepperoni off leftover pizza? Fish without chips? I could murder a nice bit of steak. Who's thinking of stir-fried beef strips and with scraped-off soy? In the end, we went Chinese. Love those duck feet. Tiger strolled on the smell tour down the alley to find the right place, and we played rip, The bags! We all won that one. Before you knew it, it was a pleasant supper on the wall. Very tasty! Excellent! Nice choice! We must remember to eat here more often. And generous portions! Here is a family not afraid to waste food properly. Unlike my friend, The Vicar. Next morning, he was still shoving the dried-up grub in front of me. Tuffy, I am not opening a fresh tin. If you were truly hungry, you'd eat this. Oh, would I? I don't think so. While he was waiting, the Vicar Look at the mess in the garden! Greasy paper wrappings, ripped up takeaway food cartons, and that awful yowling kept me awake for hours! Don't think I'm letting you out again tonight! I might be deaf to nagging, but I have ears to hear. Thanks for the warning, Reverend. I crept upstairs and patted at the latch on the small bathroom window until it was the way I liked it— far enough down to look as if it was still closed from yesterday, far enough up for one good paw-push to open it. As for the mess in the garden— don't knock it. It was breakfast.
