In this audiobook excerpt, Lois Letchford reads the opening chapter of Anne Fine’s children’s novel The Return of the Killer Cat. The story is narrated in the first‑person voice of Tuffy, the family cat. Tuffy reflects on his recent mischief, anticipates a week‑long family holiday, and revels in the prospect of unrestricted freedom—sunbathing in flower beds, lounging on the television, and avoiding the usual scoldings and petting sessions. He comments on the family’s plans for cat‑sitting, the Vicar’s involvement, and his own clever, self‑confident nature. The passage establishes Tuffy’s mischievous personality, the family’s dynamics, and the central premise of a cat‑centric adventure during the owners’ absence.
Chapters
From the Diary of the Killer Cat series, this is Anne Fine's book, The Return of the Killer Cat, read by Lois Letchford. Chapter 1, How It Began. Okay. Okay, so, spat my teensy-weensy furry paws, I messed up big time. And okay, tug my tail, it all turned into a bit of a one-cat crime wave. So what are you going to do? Confiscate my food bowl and tell me I'm a very bad pussy? But we cats aren't supposed to hang around like dogs, doing exactly as we've been told and staring devotedly into your eyes while we wonder if there's some slipper we can fetch. We run our own lives, we cats do. I like running mine, and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's wasting the days and nights when the family are on holiday. Oh, tuffy, fretted Ellie, giving me her big Farewell squeeze. I gave her a cool blink. That means, careful, Elle, stay on the right side of cuddle here, or you'll get that big scratch in return. Oh, Tuffy, we'll be away for a whole week! A whole week! Magic words! A whole week of Sunning myself in the flower beds without Ellie's mother's shrieking, Tuffy, get out of there! You're flattening whole patches! A whole week of lolling about on top of the telly without Ellie's father's endless nagging, Tuffy, shift your tail! It's dangling over the goalmouth! And best of all, a whole week of not being scooped up and shoved into next door's old straw baby basket and stroked and petted by Ellie and her soppy friend Melanie. Oh, you are lucky, Ellie! I wish I had a pet like Tuffy. He's so soft. Soft and furry? Of course I'm soft and furry! I'm a cat! And I'm clever, too. Clever enough to realise it wasn't Mrs Tanner coming to house and cat-sit as usual. No, she suddenly had to rush off to her daughter's in Dorset. So if you could hear anyone who could do it— Only 6 days! Well, if you're sure, Vicar— Yes, well, as long as you're comfortable with cats. Who cares if the, the Vicar's comfortable? I'm the cat!
