Lois Reads - Return of the Killer Cat Chapter 7

27 Dec 2020 · 3 min

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In this narrated excerpt from Anne Fine’s children’s book Return of the Killer Cat, the story is told from the cat’s point of view. The cat dramatically lands in Melanie’s straw basket, prompting Melanie to believe she has received a heavenly gift. She quickly decides to name the cat “Janet,” despite the cat’s protests that it is a boy and that the name is absurd. Melanie then feeds the cat fresh cream and tuna, which the cat reluctantly enjoys, cementing its temporary stay. The passage blends vivid, slap‑stick description with the cat’s sarcastic internal monologue, highlighting themes of mistaken identity, the humor of misnaming, and the cat’s begrudging acceptance of comfort and food.

Chapters

Return of the Killer Cat by Anne Fine. Chapter 7. Splat! Splat! Straight into Melanie's little straw basket. Okay, okay, no need to sob in your pillow. I may have splattered some of the not-so-cuddly little creepy crawly things that were scurrying upon the cushion, I didn't actually end up picking any tiny crushed corpses out of my fur. But still, it would amaze me if all those ants who saw me coming got away in time. Hearing the thwack on my landing, Melanie broke off her prayer. She opened her eyes. And seeing me in her straw basket, looked up to heaven. Oh, thank you, thank you! cried Little Miss Soppy, Stupid and Soppy. Thank you for sending me exactly what I asked for, something all soft and furry to cuddle, just like Tuffy! Just like Tuffy? Did she think I was sent from heaven? How soft is this girl? But hey, let's not be nasty about Melanie. I could have fetched up a lot worse places than a cozy soft cushion in a little straw basket. She carried me inside and kept her promise. Cream. Tuna. What, you expect me to slide off home to nose through some 3-day-old pellets of cat food? Then she sat down and stroked my fur while she chose a name for me. Pussywhiskers? Sure, Melanie, if you want me throwing up on your pillow each time you say it. Little baby munchky-wunchkins? Just try it and I'll scratch you hard! I know, I'll call you Janet! Janet? What planet? Is she from? For one thing, I'm a boy. And for another, have I, have you, has anyone anywhere ever heard of a cat called Janet? But the cream was fresh. The tuna was delicious. So Janet was staying? Oh yes! Janet was warm, well-fed, and comfortable. Janet was staying.