In Chapter 8 of Anne Fine’s Return of the Killer Cat, narrated by Lois Letchford, the protagonist Janet—who is actually a cat in disguise—finds herself in a straw basket wearing a lace bonnet and an oversized nightie. Melanie, a kind caretaker, feeds her and tries to determine whether she is the missing cat Tuffy. The vicar, suspicious of the cat’s identity, conducts a whimsical “test” by holding Janet, praising her, and observing her reaction. Janet’s purring and lack of blinking convince the vicar that she is not Tuffy, leading to a light‑hearted resolution where more cream and tuna are promised. The chapter blends humor, mistaken identity, and the cat’s perspective to explore themes of disguise, care, and the absurdity of human attempts to verify animal identity.
Chapters
Return of the Killer Cat by Anne Fine and read by Lois Letchford. Chapter 8, Sweet Little Pussy. Go on then, snigger. So I looked at a bit of the pussycat wearing the lace Bonnet. And the doll's frilly nightie was too big for me. What are you going to do? Ban me from Fashion Week? I had a good time being Janet. The meals came 3 times a day. 3 times a day. That nightie was headed for being a perfect fit anytime next week. I had steak bits and haddock, lean chicken, sausage ends. You think of what you really love to eat most, then imagine soppy little fingers feeding you mouthful by mouthful. And you'll see why I stayed. The only problem was the endless yelling from next door. Taffy! Taffy! Where are you? Melanie settled me back down comfortably in a straw basket and stood on tiptoe to peek over The vicar's still looking, she told me sadly. Poor Tuffy, he's still missing. I hope wherever he is, he's warm and dry and comfy and well fed. I purred. She turned back. Oh, Janet, I'm so glad to have you! She squeezed me so tight I gave a little warning yowl. Not a smart noise to make just over the hedge from someone looking for a cat. His head appeared. You found him! I stayed well down in the basket. Melanie's kind, but she's not Who? Tuffy? No, that was my cat yowling. That was Janet. Janet? She was a gift. I'm glad that Melanie didn't say a gift from heaven. That would have made him even more suspicious. As it was, he narrowed his eyes Disguise! I thought and simpered in my basket. The bonnet and nightie obviously confused him a little, but he did have a little go. His face looks very like Tuffy's! I purred in a friendly fashion. But Tuffy never made a noise like that. No, not in your presence, buster. The vicar's eyes gleamed. Melanie, do you mind if I do one tiny little test to assure myself it's not Tuffy? He came through the gate and picked me up. Talk about a test! Some have to walk through fire, others are sent on 7-year-long voyages, some have to go and make fortunes, others kill dragons or set off to find the Holy Grail. Nobody's ever had a test like this. He scooped me out of the basket. He held me up. He looked in my eyes. I didn't blink. He said, nice pussy! Pretty, pretty pussy! He said, sweet, sweet pussy! He said, who's a clever girl pussy then? And all I did was purr. He put me back in the basket. You're right, he said to Melanie. It isn't Tuffy, and I can't think why I ever thought it was in the first place. More cream, more tuna, here we come!
