Breaking the Overwhelm Spiral: How to Reset When You’ve Hit Capacity

Foreign. This is Busy Getting Better, the podcast for women who are committed to prioritizing their own personal growth. I'm your host, Madison J. A mindset and money coach, a first generation wealth builder and a woman on a mission to help you master your finances and live your best life. Money is not all we are covering though, because in order to live your best life, you have to become your best self. So we are diving deep into all things personal development and bringing you the mindset shifts, money, tips, tips and inspiration. You need to go out there, be bold and build the life you can't stop daydreaming about. It's time to get busy, babe. Busy getting better. What is up you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is going to be a little bit different because I just want to have an honest and transparent conversation about something that your girl's been going through, which is really this feeling and stay of overwhelm. I am a classic manifesting generator. If you follow human design and I like to do all of the things. Manifesting generators are just known for taking on a shit ton of projects and having all these little passion projects that they want to start up that, you know, probably don't all need to be done right now, but for some reason you want to do them. And I like having my hands on multiple things. I'm definitely someone that would get bored if I was just focusing on one thing at one time. So I love it. But there's balance and sometimes there's a line, and sometimes there is actually such thing as taking on too many projects at once, doing too many things at one time that can trigger you into a state of overwhelm. And if I'm being super transparent, I have been living in overwhelm for the last two weeks. Like to the point where my overwhelm triggered a trauma response and I just slipped into freeze mode. If you're familiar with trauma responses, when your body sees something as a threat or just, you know, was overloaded essentially, which is what happened in this case, right? My body slipped into my trauma response and your body will either go into fight flight, freeze, fawn, those are the top four that your body will fall back into and everybody's response is going to be different. Mine is freeze. And I'm learning more and more about what my own responses are and how they show up. But for me, what this has looked like is it's been really hard to make a decision on anything. It's been really hard to move forward on any of the projects that I'VE been working on. It's been hard for me to come up with content ideas. There are so many things that I'm so, so excited about in my business that I've been working on behind the scenes and that I have a vision for for what I want it to look like in 2025 and what I want it to feel like in 2025. And because of that, I got so excited for all of the gaps in my business and started working on them, but I honestly just started working on too many of them at one time. And what happens when my brain is trying to process all of the different things that I need to be doing and there's just not necessarily enough time for it in the day? What I have found about myself is that I have just sat still like I haven't known where to start. I have definitely slipped back into this perfection over progress or, you know, all or nothing mentality the last two weeks where it's like, okay, well, if I can't get all of the things on my to do list done, then I'm just not going to do any of them and I'm just going to sit here. I think that there's a couple of things I want to talk about on this. I think that one it's okay to slow down, it's okay to take a break. You know, if you are in the world of entrepreneurship, specifically if you do use social media as a platform for your business, I think you can probably relate to how absolutely draining it can feel at times and how easy it is to slip into comparison mode and how easy it is to feel like you just constantly have to be creating things for the stories and for the reels and for the carousels and what do I want to say and how do I want to say it? And it just can feel like a lot sometimes. I'm going to be super honest with you guys. I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I haven't posted podcast episode in the last two weeks. This is the first time that I have fallen off of my podcast recording and posting schedule since I launched this summer. And it doesn't feel good because I identify with someone who is consistent and dedicated and able to stay on top of the things that I want to do. And for the last two weeks, not only have I struggled to post on Instagram, I've struggled to post for my podcast. I have struggled to really do any sort of outward production. And it's because I was working on so many other things. Like I just essentially Threw my balance out of whack. I was in a really good rhythm there for a while and then I was like, cool, this feels good. Now I'm going to add on email, I'm going to add on this course that I want to get out to be able to help more people next year at a more affordable price point than my one on one coaching. I also am working on PowerPoint presentations and workshops that I've been invited to speak into and I want to pour a lot of energy into those so I can show up to those communities. Ultimately, there's just a lot to create right now in my business. There are a lot of things that require my mental load and my thought and decision making and you can't think about too many things at once and there's only so much time in the day. So I was in a really good operating rhythm and then I essentially just overloaded myself. I said yes to too many things. And it's so funny because I'm the one controlling my output. I'm the one controlling the things that I say yes to right now. And I think a lot of you are probably going to relate to this when I say that I created this arbitrary timeline that I wanted to hold myself accountable to. And I think it's good to set timelines and deadlines for yourself, to work towards those goals. What I want you to hear and what I've had to remind myself a lot these last couple days, is that I control that. And so if I'm controlling a timeline that is putting myself in such a stress and overwhelm and feeling like I have too many things to do, I'm not really helping anybody because I'm not actually accomplishing any of my goals now. I went from being super on top of content creation and output and podcast production to being like, cool, let me add on all these other things. And now I'm not getting anything done. Another really big thing that threw my business out of whack the last couple weeks is I decided to move all of my softwares for my business over to a new platform. And I will be frank, I really, really, really misjudged the amount of work that goes into that. I'm learning so many new technologies now and it's going to make sense when it's all up and running, but right now it's just a lot. So I'm. I tried to add on too many new projects with too many new softwares to learn and also trying to keep up with an output that was already like I was Doing good at it. But it was taking up my week. You know, I'm not to a point where I'm like, wildly ahead on content production. You know, I'm pretty week to week. And so when I fell off of that, I fell into a hole of freeze mode where I just decided not to do anything. And I really wanted to have this conversation, not because it's necessarily comfortable for me to come out here and talk about the ways that I feel like I have been failing the last couple weeks in my business because it's hard. And if you are an overachiever and somebody that has high standards for yourself, it can suck. It can just really suck when you feel like you' living up to what you know you're capable of and what your expectations are of yourself. And, you know, this is something that I think is just a journey of learning about yourself. You know, there's nothing wrong with me. I think everybody goes through states of overwhelm. And what my biggest lesson I. That I've learned throughout this is that this is part of the journey. Part of the journey in life is learning what your thresholds are, learning what levers you need to pull in order to stay, stay consistent and committed to your goals. And also, if you're somebody that is dreaming big and working towards big goals, you're constantly going to be pushing and expanding your capacity for more. And one of the biggest lessons that I think we all have to learn, and that obviously I am in the thick of learning myself, is just, what is that capacity? What is too much? What is that threshold for? Okay, I'm stretching myself and I'm pushing myself to take on more because I know I. I want to do it. And also letting myself get there slowly, not having to say yes to all of the things right now, and also learning when to say no to things. You know, I think if you are someone who's trying to do all of the things on your own in life, I am somebody who has had to figure out a lot of shit in life by myself. Right? I'm somebody who has had to learn how to navigate so many different challenges and chapters on my own. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate to what that feels like. And when you're somebody who is independent and gets shit done on their own, it can feel really weird, it can feel hard, it can feel challenging to be like, okay, I don't think I can do all this on my own. I need to raise my hand and say, I'm stuck. I need help. I don't know what to do next. And I think that is part of the lesson of growth, is realizing that you don't have to do it all alone. If you want to do big things, if you want to live a bigger life than you're currently living, you're going to have to expand and grow. And it doesn't mean you have to figure it all out on your own. It doesn't mean that you have to do it all right now. And so I think this is just part of the journey is figuring out what your capacity is and how to expand it, and also how to navigate going through uncomfortable, challenging times when it comes to your own personal growth. And so learning how to identify when you're reaching that capacity and how to regulate your nervous system throughout it, how to move through those chapters is a big and important part to this whole journey. And so I am constantly learning about what my triggers are and how to identify when I'm hitting that wall, when I'm hitting that capacity where I need to identify what I need to say no to and what I need to take a step back from and how I need to move forward and how I need to listen to my body and just know when it's okay to slow down and know that it doesn't mean anything bad about me. And another reason I really wanted to have this conversation is because I feel like I get feedback often from people that don't know me that well, from people that know me really well, from my best friends, from the people closest to me that sometimes it feels like I have everything put together. And so when I open up to them and I talk about my struggles, they're like, man, it's just. It's really nice to know that you struggle, too. It's really nice to know that you also run into these things. And so I just wanted to let you all know that, yeah, I'm very much human. I very much struggle behind the scenes on certain things. And sometimes I hit the same walls, and sometimes I need the same advice that I give to my clients and I give to my friends. I was texting somebody, giving them advice this week and kind of coaching them through a tough situation. And I responded immediately after and was like, I just want you to know I'm giving myself the same advice today. This is the same message I needed to hear today. And so I think we just need to remember that everybody struggles and that even the people that feel like they look like they have it all together, maybe we have better coping mechanisms. Maybe it takes more to Hit that threshold. But that's because we consistently do the work, right? I've been working on nervous system regulation. I've been working on how to identify my triggers a lot. And I still am hitting this wall. I still fell into a hole of overwhelm the last couple weeks, and I fell into my freeze response. And you know what was really different about this time of doing it was that I knew I was in it. And so I gave myself a little bit more grace than I probably would have in the past, because I was able to quickly identify the fact that, okay, well, I started feeling this way immediately when I took on X, Y, or Z. And when I fell into the state of overwhelm, I kind of just let myself sit in it for a second. And so what I think is important to do, if you are someone who finds yourself in a state of overwhelm, is to figure out how's your body responding? So start to figure out what your trauma response is, right? Are you a fight flight, freeze fawn kind of gal? Like, what does that mean for you? And when you can start to know what your response is, you're gonna be a lot more aware when you're falling into it. And then once you realize that you're in it or maybe you're approaching the threshold of, oh, shit, I think I'm about to jump into a trauma response. I think I'm feeling this overwhelm. I think I'm feeling this come into place is to take a step back and to just slow down and to do different things that help you regulate your nervous system. And some of those common things that I really like to lean into are breathing. Like, it sounds so silly, but breathing is so, so important. What I'm talking about is taking in deep breaths, like, slowing down, right? Doing box breathing. So breathing in for four counts, holding for four, breathing out for four counts, and then holding for four, right? So box breathing is something that can really help you just slow down and be able to get more in the moment. I really like to meditate and do some guided visualizations to just slow down. Maybe just throw on some, like, theta brainwave music in my headphones and just sit there and just breathe. That is something that's really helpful. I also really love to read. For me, reading is one of those things that helps me just slow down and get in the moment and kind of. I don't know if, like, disassociates really the right word, but kind of just like, check out a little bit and move into another world. And so Sit down and reading a good book is something that can help me just turn it off for a little bit. Giving myself the permission to zone out and binge watch something on tv. Like, you know what I did, that really just calmed my nervous system. That is probably not something you hear about often. I curled up on the couch and I binge watched some Harry Potter movies. There is nothing like Harry Potter to calm my nervous system. And I really mean it. That is such a calming movie series for me. It is nostalgic. I know what's gonna happen. I've seen them time and time again. It is hands down my favorite movie series. But just like getting in my girl outfit, getting in a comfy sweatsuit, and just letting myself just be a potato for a little bit, letting myself just really live in troll mode, in recharge mode, and letting my body relax. That is what that movie does to me. I don't know if I've ever heard anyone talk about binge watching a movie series as a way to calm your nervous system, but I'm here to tell you it is definitely a strategy I use and I love it. Finding things that just help you calm down, help take you out of that state of overwhelm and just have a different perspective. The other thing that is helpful is I would encourage you to sit down and you know, there's this book called the Gap and the Gain. And this thought process is really helpful sometimes, especially if you're working towards a really big goal and like, that's what triggered you into overwhelm. Or if you have all these to dos that you want to accomplish. You know, a lot of people will fall into this trap of focusing on where they're at and where they want to go and looking at that gap. And it can feel daunting. It can feel overwhelming. Right. I was talking about how I see this vision for what I want my business to look like and feel like, not only for me, but for my clients. A lot of the stuff that I'm working on is to improve the client experience, to be able to provide more value value, to be able to get more ideas out of my head that are going to help you and create it and put it out there in a way that you can utilize and you can implement. So I want my business to look a certain way and I want it to feel a certain way. And it can be really easy to fall into looking at the gap between where you're at and where you want to go. And I think a really important tool is to be able to sit down and focus on the gain. Sit down and look at how far you've come against your goals and look at how far you have moved in the last 12 months, in the last three years, five years. Like, who were you back then? How did you approach things? What were your goals? What were the types of conversations you were having, and how far have you come from that version of you? And this really helps me when I'm in overwhelm, because what it does is it reminds me how much I've already accomplished. And what it's going to do for you is remind you how important far you've already come and how much you've already grown as a person. And all of the skills that you've learned and all of the tasks that you have completed are just going to make you more and more capable for all of the things that you are trying to accomplish moving forward. And so I actually sat down this time and I wrote down and I brainstormed all of the wonderful shit I have accomplished in the last couple years, who I have become, the journey that I'm on now because of all of the past decisions that I have made. And I think it's a really good exercise. And so I would encourage you, if you're feeling really overwhelmed about your to do list and all of the places that you want to go and the things you want to do and who you want to become, is to remind yourself how much of that work you've already done and remind yourself how far you have already come. And maybe look at that list and realize at one point, the things on there that you thought you couldn't do and the goals you thought were impossible or were so hard to accomplish, and you did it and you accomplished it, and you moved through it and you worked through it, and you became a better version of yourself on the other side of it. And everything that is currently on your to do list now, everything that you are working towards to move forward in the next year, whatever's next on your goal list, like you're going to get through that too. And that is something that you've really got to remind yourself is to focus on the gain that you've already got and to zoom out from the gap, because the gap's always gonna be there. Once you hit that next goal, then your new goal is gonna come up. Once you achieve whatever is next, whatever you get in place next, it's just gonna open up doors for more. And that is the path that you have picked by going down a journey of personal development. There is always going to be a new level. There's always going to be the next stage, there's always going to be the next project. That is just what happens. And so you've got to really learn to enjoy the journey. And I know that's so cliche, but it is genuinely something that I am trying to be way more present in on this journey of building this incredible business. It's just to remember to enjoy the journey and to appreciate how far you have come and also recognize that everything that you're working towards is going to come. I am such a firm believer that everything that you are desiring, everything that you close your eyes and you envision for yourself in this future life that you are trying to build, also is desiring you. And it's so excited to be able to be a part of your reality. But you'll get there in time. You don't need to do everything all at once. You'll get through all of the things that you're working towards. It's just a matter of slowing down, remembering to enjoy the process, not letting yourself fall into overwhelm and fall into your trauma responses for extended amount of times. It's gonna happen. Listen, it's gonna happen. Because if it's happening, it means you're pushing yourself. If it happens, it means that you are challenging yourself to new potential and to new growth. And with that comes challenging yourself and pushing yourself. But what you can do is get faster at recognizing it, faster at recognizing your responses and what it's doing to you, and quicker at pulling yourself out of it. For me, it's taken two weeks of me every single day knowing I'm in it and just being like, oh, what do I do next? But also just being okay. Knowing that I'm going to get out of it and knowing that when I do pull myself out of it, it's going to be great and I'm going to have learned from it. And I also think it's really important to remind yourself that rest is not a cherry on top. Rest is not something that you earn. Rest is something that you've got to build in to your day to day. You've got to build it in to your life. You deserve it, you're worthy of it, you need it. Humans need rest. And sometimes when we get really busy working on things that we love and we get really busy on our to do list and just living life, we forget that rest is a non negotiable. And so carving out some more time to give that to yourself or Guess what? Your body is going to do exactly what mine did and trigger you into some sort of stress response, which we know stress is not good for your body. That stress response could end up making you sick. And so you've gotta remember that you wanna be in control of your rest, otherwise your body is going to force you into it. So being able to get quicker at recognizing those tendencies and being able to know what calms your nervous system, what is going to make you slow down, what's going to make you more intentional with your time. And just listening to your body, I think is such an important lesson. And so I think, you know, we talk about busy getting better. Busy getting better is not necessarily go, go, go, go, go do, do, do, do, do more, more, more, more, more, right? Busy getting better is being able to be a full embodiment of yourself, of your best, highest self. And that comes with rest. That comes with learning about your capacity for taking on more. That comes with learning when to say no. That comes with learning what to outsource and what to delegate when things aren't in your zone of genius and not feeling like you have to do everything all on your own. Busy getting better is. It's about getting in touch with your best self and operating in a capacity where you are thriving physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. That is what it is all about. And so I know most of the conversations are always about how to do more and how to be more and how to be bigger. But I just want to remind you that overwhelm is part of the process. And learning how to navigate that is also part of the journey. And so if you are feeling any of what I have been feeling the last couple weeks, I just want you to know you are not alone at all. And I hope that you can take some of these tools to be able to identify and navigate and move through your overwhelm and just know that I'm rooting for you. We're all rooting for you. The message and the desires and the life that you want to live are so waiting for you. And this is all part of the necessary journey of becoming that version of you. So I hope that you have a fabulous holiday season. I hope that you are able to just set some intentional time to rest before the new year is up and head into 2025 just ready to fucking crush it. Because I can feel it, the energy. Next year is about to be absolutely unhinged, and I'm ready for it. So I'll see you on the next episode. Bye.