Confidence, Comparison Trap & Your Muse Era w/ Nicole Koch

Foreign this is Busy Getting Better, the podcast for women who are committed to prioritizing their own personal growth. I'm your host, Madison J. A mindset and money coach, a first generation wealth builder and a woman on a mission to help you master your finances and live your best life. Money is not all we are covering though, because in order to live your best life, you have to become your best self. So we are diving deep into all things personal development and bringing you the mindset shifts, money, tips and inspiration. You need to go out there, be bold and build the life you can't stop daydreaming about. It's time to get busy, babe. Busy getting Better. Hello, Nicole Koch. Welcome to Busy Getting Better. I am so incredibly excited for our conversation today. Nicole and I met inside of a business mastermind and just the vibes reviving. Like we just really hit it. We just really hit it off. I'm really interested in what you do in your background and the entire mission behind the Muse era, which I can't wait to get into. I'm so excited to have you here. Thank you for being here. I'd love for you to give us a quick introduction, tell us a little bit about Nicole and who you are.

Yes. I'm also so excited. I feel like everything you're saying, I was like, yes, the vibes are vibing. I was so excited to get on this with you. So thank you so much for having me. Hello Madison's listeners. My name's Nicole. I've been in the entertainment business for over 10 years. The majority of that I was an on hair on air host and doing social media with celebrities and brands. As I interviewing people, I always was skewing off of their projects and going into more of mental health, self love, dating, anything that was more personal and what people really wanted to hear. Not saying people didn't want to hear about their projects, they definitely did. But I think especially in this business, it can be isolating. A lot of people were just really loving hearing about how these people were working on their mental health. I wanted to create a space which I did in my interviews when I was working at Young Hollywood as a host. Then I was like, wait a second, I could be doing this for myself. I've always loved the word muse. I have it tattooed on my wrist. I just was seeing it everywhere. And then I was like, wait, muse era? That sounds so fun. Then I was getting all these ideas to just get into self development which I already loved as a consumer myself. So yeah, I think that's just A basic background, but it was really just working with a lot of people, seeing the desire for self love and mental health and then getting the idea to start something on my own. And it's been really fun so far.

Yeah, I love that. I have so many questions for you. I want to mention the entertainment industry because I feel like people either feel some way or another about the entertainment industry. It can feel so hot and sexy and wanting to get into it. So I'm curious, how did you get into the entertainment industry? I know you were a celeb host for 10 years. What is that really mean from a day to day? And, like, why were you so attracted to getting into the entertainment industry in the first place?

Yeah. So when I think about when I wanted to get into this business, I thought about watching, like, E. News with Ryan Seacrest and Juliana Rancic were the hosts. I think I'd always loved talking to people. Communication in general was one of my majors, whether it be writing or speaking. So I was like, maybe we can just merge the two. I went to school at Long Beach State. My major was journalism with an emphasis in public relations and marketing. But all of my electives were in broadcast, so I was like, touching all of the realms. And I got an internship with Young Hollywood actually as an editorial writer. So nothing on camera yet, but it was supposed to be remote. I had one day off of school and I just pitched to them like, hey, like, I'm off on Fridays. If you need anyone in the office to do office work or assisting, I'm available. They said yes. And that's how I met the CEO and all of the big decision makers there. Before I graduated, I was brought on as a social media manager because they had people doing social originally, but it was their side job. It wasn't one main person working on their social media presence. So I took that role, and within two months, they threw me on my first red carpet. I was winging it. It was like a Super bowl party with Snoop Dogg, like, so many years ago. But that was really cool. I was thrown into the fire. I was one of the hosts that when we had celebrities come in a studio, I would interview some of them or we'd go to events and red carpets and all that. That's what the hosting gig was, which was super cool.

That's awesome. I feel like pop culture plays such a major role in our society and in our lives, and people would die to meet certain celebrities. Right. Snoop Dogg, he seems so cool. I definitely would love to hang out with him. So you've obviously had the opportunity to be exposed to different celebrities. I'm curious, what is something that people maybe get wrong that you've gotten an opportunity to witness or see behind the curtains?

Honestly, I feel like people have heard this before, but it's so beyond true. The glitz and the glamour. It does exist, but there's so much going on the back end to make it look pretty, you know what I mean? So, for example, for these red carpets, you go for a couple of hours beforehand to get your spot on the carpet. It's usually outside and really hot. And if you're on camera, you're wearing heels. I don't want to make it sound like, oh my God, that's such a hard life. But you're in these situations where it's not so glamorous. There's been times where we've gotten rained on, or tech problems happen, or celebrities are just not in the mood to talk to you. It's really awkward. So I would say that it's TV and social media. They're both really good at showing, like the highlight reels. But I think that's also what makes BTS interesting to a lot of people because when you actually peel back the curtain, it's just, oh, damn, there's so many random things happening. I've never been on a set or an event where a million things were not going wrong. Something is always going wrong. People think it's all nice hotels and free stuff and all of that stuff, and it's just, it's not the case.

I feel like that's such a good conversation to have though, because your job in the TV industry and on social media is to create a picture in a story presented a specific way. There's a lot of money in TV that goes into creating a specific type of aesthetic and getting people to really, they really lean into that desire. Based marketing, of course, painting this wonderful picture of what this life looks like. But it just goes to show that nothing's always really as it seems. And that's such an important conversation when we're talking about social media. Right? Because social media is a highlight reel. We hear that time and time again. And I think on the topic of content in BTS that you mentioned, I think that's becoming a lot more interesting to people because it's like, give me the real. I'm curious, how has all of that played into just your point of view on the topics of the confidence and mental health?

That's such a big question. And I'm going to try not to Ramble for a million years on this. It's such a topic that I'm so passionate about because first of all, mental health and confidence, they're so important regardless of whatever industry you're in. But when you're expected to have the confidence and mental health on lock, for example, on social media or for the celebrities or talent I'm working with, people expect them to show up a certain way all the time. I've been working with talent for years. I see them as actual human beings. But a lot of people have that disconnect a little bit. People that we really love, that we like, look up to online, whether they're a celebrity or an influencer or a coach. Sometimes you have to pull yourself outside of what you're viewing and be like, we don't know what's going on behind the scenes. For me, with Muse, I'm on sets all the time capturing content. I'm thinking about how my clients are going to be posting about the episodes at the end of the day or whatever time I can carve out for myself to focus on Muse. It's just more social media and more promotion and there's so much to keep up with. It's a lot like when you are working in social media and then you're trying to build something on the side that involves social media. It's just like, when are you getting the break? Which can definitely affect how I show up. I've had to take breaks with my podcast or with posting because I was just like, I'm literally at capacity and it's fine. Something I've learned with taking breaks and working with people in high stakes is that everything's gonna be fine. Everything works out as it's supposed to work out. So take the mental health breaks, skip a week doing the podcast if you need to focus on self love. Yeah, I feel like that's a big one. These things are so important, like mental health and self love. At the end of the day, we can just take a second. The world's not gonna end if we give ourselves time.

I think that's such an important conversation to have. If you are categorized as someone that would be like a high achiever, which typically those of us that fall into that category have really high expectations for ourselves. And so we set these really great, lofty goals because we want to build these big dream lives. But the overwhelm comes from actually putting those things into place and breaking that down into micro steps and understanding that there literally is no such thing as perfect. It's all just Progress in the right direction. And I think that's something we constantly have to remind ourselves when we're trying to do anything new or anything big, because it can feel super overwhelming. And you can fall into that comparison trap of, I'm not doing enough, I'm not doing it well enough. This person's doing X, Y and Z, and why can't I seem to keep up with it? X, Y and Z. But again, we go back to that, like, highlight reel and just starting to compare ourselves and you don't really know what's going on behind closed doors. I love what you said about we are just on a rock. Like, at the end of the day, we are just here to live life and have fun. And that should be the basis of everything. And also everything is figureoutable. There's always going to be a solution to getting through whatever it is that you're going through and being able to relieve a little bit of that pressure and just focus on the fun of life. Because what is life for if it's not to have a good freaking time, Right?

So true.

I think that's so important. I want to talk about this whole taking a break thing because I would love to hear your perspective. How can you start to tell if you might need to take a break from something? Are there things for you that have really showed up where looking back, in hindsight, it was like, okay, maybe I should have started to slow down or give myself a little bit of grace to take a break? I'd love to hear more about your perspective on that. Cause I think in so many conversations I have, this is something that comes up often. Do I just keep pushing? Is this how it's supposed to feel? Is it supposed to be hard? Am I supposed to be stretching myself this thin? We're like, do I need a freaking break right now? And how do we get to a point where we can let ourselves do that if that is what we need?

Yeah. I love all those questions you just ended that question with. Because I've asked myself that so many times. For me, really something I've noticed through a lot of the self work and the therapy and trying to stay in tune with myself because there is so much noise. I just constantly. I feel like when I start to get overly exhausted, I'm like, do I have to do this right now? And then I get annoyed. I would give anything to just not have to worry about this obligation right now. I've been learning about human design and different personality types, which I'm so obsessed with. It's made me feel a lot better because I'm a projector, which is very different in comparison to a generator, for example, who just has this constant flow of energies. Really like a go getter type of energy. A projector is more like chill vibes. Like, it's just we work harder to get that go energy and typically might need a little bit more recovery time. It was like, nice to hear that. I'm like, oh, I'm not just lazy or self sabotaging. I think it's just my energy type. So I would say it's just noticing that I'm feeling like I have to do something rather than I get to. I try to reframe my mindset that way. And then especially this last month, it's funny that you asked that question because this is timely topical right now is that pretty much this whole last month I think I've been coming out of a burnout, not wanting to socialize, just resting, AKA like rotting on the couch or whatever. I wanted to go back into my planning or thinking stage and give myself time to recoup versus the doing stage. You know what I mean? So, yeah, I would say I just pay really close attention to like how I'm viewing things and do I want to do it or not.

Yeah, I think the signs are probably different for other people based on what you mentioned, like your human design, which I want to get into, but it's being just aware. I think one thing that's been really important to me on this journey is getting more in touch with my intuition and listening to my body and trusting that my body knows what it needs. If it's tired, it should probably take a nap, lay down and give myself a mental break. And so I think it is just like starting to be really in tune and in touch with the signs that your body's giving you. If you're getting sick all the time, if you're feeling high stress all the time, if you're tired all the time, if you're feeling frustrated all the time, that's definitely something to look at. There is friction here. Where is it and what do I need to do to feel more in alignment and in flow? And I think listening to your intuition is a big part of that. And me getting in touch with my intuition has actually been leaning in and learning more about my human design. It has been super interesting to me. So opposite of what you said. I'm a manifesting generator. I want to do all of the things. I have so many ideas and passion projects and I have different Spurts of energy for different things. It really is for me, leaning into the things that light me up. If it feels good and it feels exciting and I'm getting ideas, it's go, sister. That's got to be for a purpose, right? And if I'm feeling that, ugh, I don't really know if I want to do this or I have an idea, but the ideas just aren't coming in all the time. I'm like, maybe this isn't it for me right now. And so I feel like that has really helped me be like, okay, this is the way that I am. I have been wildly fascinated with human design. I know you're also into astrology. What are you?

I'm a Virgo sun. I was going to ask you if you're a Leo.

Right? I am a Leo, which totally makes.

Sense with the go getter energy. You're like a fire type. You know what I mean? I feel like it matches you completely.

Oh, my God. My big three are all fire signs. I'm a Leo. Sagittarius Leo. So fire.

Wow.

I am fire. Literally all of them. It's crazy. I think there's this other conversation around figuring out what your strengths are and letting yourself be unapologetic about them. I think that's something that's been a big part of the journey too. I'd love to hear your perspective on how you've utilized astrology and human design in your own personal development journey.

Oh, my God, I love this question. Another few topics I'm so passionate about. I've always loved self development tests, the Enneagram test, or Myers Briggs. I really just started getting into astrology and human design since the pandemic started. My friend gifted me a tarot deck at the start of the pandemic, and I just basically taught myself how to read it. And if you know anything about tarot, they're directly connected to the signs. So that's really what was like, fueling my love for the zodiac and horoscopes and all that. I will say before I get more into it, is that I'm not someone who holds people to their signs. Where I'm like, okay, Madison, you're a Leo, so you're probably like xyz. I think it's just a fun tool. We don't have to really hold people to things. But anyways, yeah, I think it's really helped me understand myself more. Like going back to the human design as a projector, maybe certain things don't feel as comfortable to me to in comparison to maybe a manifesting generator like you like, I can do things, I get things done, but in the my approach, it's a lot different. And I think before the business mastermind that you and I met in, I was questioning myself, am I not being motivated enough? Am I not trying hard enough? And it was really because Samantha, our leader and the mastermind, I think she's fire sign as well. And she clearly is a go getter. Watching her, she's done all these amazing things and she doesn't seem to question herself. She was a mirror to me of how I was approaching my business. It really opened my eyes. There's not one way to do business. We all have different personalities. Samantha has had so much success and how she's done it, but we can also have the same success the way we do it. And I feel like that's been so freeing. Even as a Virgo who's such a perfectionist, that idea is so freeing to me that there's not one way to do something. My moon is in Scorpio. My Rising's in Capricorn. I won't get get too into depth with that stuff. But essentially there's different elements going on. It's like Earth, water, like all of this stuff. And I think I've always felt like I can feel many different things at once, which is going to influence my actions. And so to be able to see, okay, there's reasoning behind it without using it as a crutch, because I think sometimes you can use it. When you take something to the extreme, it can be a little. I don't want to say dangerous, but.

Yeah, like a cop out. This is just the way I am. I'm a Leo. No, that's not what we're talking about here.

Totally. Like, I'm a project projector. I'm just like, not gonna try as hard. But giving yourself the permission, which is something I've worked on a lot over the last couple of years, is the permission, giving myself that time to just let myself figure it out in the way that I want to, while also learning from other types of people and being like, oh, could that work for me too? Trying to find the balance of this is who I am, and I love her and appreciate her, but how can we push her to do more or do better?

And push in a way that is in alignment with the way you work and that lights you up. There are literally an infinite amount of way that you can live your life, that you can build your business, that you can go after your Passion. There is no one size fits all model to life. Sometimes we see people do things a certain way and it's this additional pressure we put on ourselves to emulate that. Right? And sure there's inspiration and the concept of not needing to recreate the wheel and getting foundational stuff from people. But at the end of the day, if something doesn't feel good to you, we're here to have a good time. If it's not a good time, it's probably need some tweaking so that it does feel like a good time to you. Because life is actually supposed to be a blast. I genuinely believe that you're supposed to have so much fun. Does that mean things aren't hard at times? No, not at all. But fun is what we're here for. Finding ways to make things feel more easy and more in flow I think is just so important. And not having to hold yourself to one way of doing things. Which leads me into my next question for you. Can you please tell us a little bit more about what the heck Amuse era is?

Yes. So the word muse is what you think it is, if you've heard it before. But I always describe it to people as like the muses in Hercules, the Disney movie. Essentially to me in the modern sense, it's really just someone who is inspiring to you. Musicians always have their muse. Painters, whoever. When it comes to muse era, my whole idea was that I love taking inspiration from people. Watching women do their thing is honestly one of the most inspiring things ever. Working in the business, I have gotten feedback from people just being like, you inspire me so much. Whether it's sharing a little quote on a story or even like that person on set where I was like, we're on a floating rock. Like I he was acting mind blown about sharing your inner world and letting people see you and feel you like helps them like see and feel themselves, which I think is so important, especially in this day and age. So really stepping into your muse era or having muser energy is just believing in yourself. If you are taking inspiration from people, you can inspire others as well. It doesn't always have to be you on one side. You have the power to do it. It's about building the confidence to see that you can inspire others as well.

I am obsessed with that because everybody's life is so different and finding and building relatability with people. Nobody's lived my life. Nobody's lived your life. There's going to be people that resonate with things. We've both gone through that Are like, wow, I didn't know someone else had been through that. And if you're not willing to speak about that, then people could just feel really alone in the journey that they're on. And also, it's just so empowering. I am inspired by so many people. Why can't I turn my struggles, my story, my mission, my message into a way to pass the baton back, to be able to be like, okay, I feel like I've been able to absorb all this light from somebody else. Let me go try and be a light for somebody else. Right? Let me go try and spread a little bit of positivity in a way that means something to me. And the fact that's your mission is to try and help other people have that confidence in themselves that their story matters, their message matters, no matter how big, no matter how small. I think that's really beautiful.

Thank you so much. As you were talking, I was getting chills where you're like, I can inspire people. I love to hear it. I feel like if more people were more confident, this world would be a happier place. And it honestly tugs on my heartstrings to think about people who don't feel confident or in those moments where you don't feel confident. It's such a heavy feeling. So if I can help one person feel more confident with what I'm doing. That sounds so cheesy and we hear people say that all the time, but it's honestly true. When you're confident, it boosts your mental health, which gives you the space to have more self love and then you can create, share, and make real changes in this world.

I'm curious, what do you think is something that people can start doing to build more confidence in themselves?

Oh yeah, I love this. I've talked about this on my podcast as well, and there's probably so many ways depending on your energy type and what you like to do, but truly one of the biggest things that has boost my confidence is doing what I say I'm gonna do. It's so easy to say you're gonna go to the gym and then you just don't do it. But what I think a lot of people don't realize is that when every single time you do that, you're knocking your self esteem, you're going against your self trust. So yeah, I think it's just keep doing what you say you're gonna do. Every time you do that, you're putting like a little nickel in the confidence jar. So that's a really big one. Even if you're not doing it exactly at the time you said, because life happens, it's keeping that promise to yourself and scheduling it when it does work and just doing the thing. Another thing, too, is just affirmations. I will go into the steam room at the gym and tell myself, I am confident or I can do this. And it truly does work.

Work.

If we're talking about energy and everything, it's so powerful. We are literally like energy beings. When you say those things to yourself, your brain, I don't think it comprehends that. It's like you saying it. It's just like hearing it. So, yeah, I would say, like, those two are the main things. And then just doing the. That scares you, honestly. But I know that can take some time to work up too.

I feel like I have so many things to say on this. You get to the big thing by starting with the small things. I am such a believer that those micro promises you make to yourself over time build up so you can make the big, scary decisions. Nobody just wakes up and is, I'm gonna do something absolutely insane today. It comes with time. And that's why it's a journey to get there. Because you are, like you said, waking up and saying, I'm gonna do this one thing today. And then you prove to yourself, and life is not really about these big momentous decisions that we make. It really is these small habits that we build over time that allow us to change our life and instill confidence in us. So I think that's wonderful what you said there. I also really want to hit on something you had said earlier about how inspiring it is to see a woman go after her dreams. I was just watching the Simone Biles documentary on Netflix. Have you seen it?

I have not.

Okay, you gotta go watch it. It is so good. It had me in tears because I'm sitting there watching it and I'm like, this girl is so inspiring. The mindset behind her is literally what brought me to tears, because I think there's nothing sexier than a solid mindset. And the dedication she had to her career was just like, no, no other. She's been going at it for 27 years now and putting herself in the highest form of competition. She talks about how her mindset, not her skills, are the thing that help her win. The mindset is what is so important. And she talks about in there about going to therapy and doing visualization. And there's all these other celebrities that have been such good examples of utilizing things like affirmations in visualization and these things that we do to really hack our brain to feel more confident into going out and doing these big things. So it's just such an example of these people that are accomplishing the big things. They didn't get there without doing the work that you and I are talking about, and they are still doing the work. That's how we get there is just starting small with a big dream.

I love that so much. And I'm definitely gonna watch that after you and I wrap. But I was just thinking about how much self trust Simone must have. Like, the fact that she's going out there being like, I know I'm gonna be able to do all these crazy tricks. And so that, yeah, that's just so inspiring. And it's so funny because I've actually interviewed her years ago when we were at Young Hollywood, and the interviews were supposed to be really light and funny, like, nothing too serious. But I remember I played this game. I think it was never have I ever asking her about her crush on Zac ef. Now, if I had the chance to talk to her, it'd be so different about her confidence, her mindset, and how amazing that she gives credit to her mindset and not, like, her actual physical skill.

She said the mindset is what took her out of the Tokyo Olympics. And then when she came back this year, she was like, I'm not worried about my skills. I'm worried about can my mind get me through this? Such a testament to how impactful that work is and how everybody battled it. It's just a matter of, are you going to let it stop you, or can you utilize it to. To get through and get to where you're trying to go and step into your muse. Is there anything else people need to know about the Muse era? And any advice to really step into and own their Muse era?

Obvious. Come listen to the Muse podcast, because Madison's gonna be on it. But, yeah, I think just taking everything that you and I talked about today of just how powerful your mindset is, if you need a little bit of help with that is more than okay. I can say there are times where I'm gonna need help with my mindset is something that you go in and out of throughout your whole life. So if you're feeling like you need help with that, I think both of us are great choices to help you through. In terms of Muse era, I think really just reminding yourself, like, how you are inspiring just because, like, you're a human being existing, and here you have stories to tell, even if you think your story isn't compelling, it's because it's your story. There's this quote where you look in the mirror and you don't think you're pretty because it's. You're used to seeing your face. But a stranger walking by, they might think your face is like a work of art because they just haven't seen it before. It's new to them. And so just reminding yourself that we're always harder on ourselves than other people are on us. And remembering that if you can be inspired by others, you can inspire people as well. So just remember you're amused.

Okay, two questions I ask everybody. The first one, what book do I in the audience need to read next? Ooh, we can go spiritual. Personal development. Give me some fairy tale smut. I read it all. I just want to know what book comes to mind.

Oh, my God. So many books just flashed through my mind as you were saying that. Okay, so I'm gonna give one on the self development road because I think it's really helped me, but. It's called Be Seen, but it's from a writer who's also. She's actually an inspirational motivational speaker.

I have this in my Kindle. I haven't read it yet. Okay, keep going.

Oh, my God, it's so good. Because she writes so well. It's like you're talking to basically. Essentially, she outlines how she was not confident, insecure in her journey into becoming really confident, to the point where she's now able to talk on stages. Everything comes back to her fear of being seen. One thing I want to call out from that book is the badass list. She keeps it in her phone, I believe, but she writes down every thing that made her feel like a badass. And it can be personal or professional, like walking down the aisle to her husband. And then another one was like career related, but she keeps it on her phone. This list of all the badassery things that she's done. And whenever she has a moment of feeling not confident or insecure, she goes through that list. There's a fun little twist in there about her friend that I'm not going to spoil for you, but it's really cute. I just love that I created a badass list. I made some of my friends do it, and it's really helped a lot. If you're feeling like you have fears of being seen or just lacking confidence, I truly recommend that book. It's really good.

Okay, I'm reading it next, and I'm making myself a Badass list. Okay, so the last question is, what is it? Is something that you are busy getting better at right now?

Oh my gosh, these questions are so fun.

Making you think.

Is it getting better? Yeah. I mean, honestly, just like not being so hard on myself. I think going back to the perfectionist thing, you and I are both building businesses and I think I can teach and talk to people all day long about don't be hard on yourself, give yourself grace. And then I'm catching myself in the middle of being so hard on myself. Finding the balance balance of giving myself that time to rest without abandoning things can be really hard when you are a chronic perfectionist. It's something you really have to unlearn. Even through years of therapy or self love. Things can creep back up when big things happen or even little day to day things. So yeah, I think I'm getting better at giving myself that grace. It's okay. We're good. You're killing it kind of vibes.

Wonderful. And I think you are killing it. Keep it up over there.

Thanks girl. Appreciate you. You.

Yeah, of course. Where can everybody find you? Pimp yourself out really quick and I'll link it all in the show notes later. But tell us a little bit about where they can all find you.

Yes. So my Instagram is at Nicole C. Koch and the Musera account is linked in there in the bio, but that's mainly where you can find me. And then also I dropped some merch recently and if you're into like black like crew neck sweatpants, I love a crew set. You can find them at muse-era.com and hopefully in the coming months we'll have some more fun merch. All my stuff's there. The website's on the Instagram. You can find me there.

I love it. I also am obsessed with crewnecks and I'm a huge merch girly, so I might slide in there later and have to check that out.

Yes, and I'm waiting for your merch someday and maybe like a dark green for money.

Maybe it's on the list. It's buried in the list, but it's definitely on the list. So it's coming. I'll give you the inside scoop when it's coming out. Amazing. Thank you, Nicole, so much for being here. I hope you guys all enjoyed this conversation. I know I got a lot out of it and I'm going to be writing running to read that book and make my badass list. I'm really excited for that. Thank you for being here and blessing us with your time.