I fix this advertorial in 20 mins (and give away too much sauce)

All right, what is going on, everybody? Welcome back. We're going to do something a little bit different today where I am going to be breaking down an advertorial ads copy, but this is going to be for a member or a viewer submission. So somebody went through, they submitted some of the copy that's on the form. Typically, I have that form on a different document, but I'm going to put that form down below in the description or in the comment section here. So anyone else who's watching this right now or a viewer of this channel, please submit your copy, your VSLs, your ads funnel questions, strategic questions, client getting questions, anything. You can put them in the comments, too. That's. That's also amazing. But submit it on that form and I will give you feedback on what you have. So thank you to the brave soul who submitted this. I'm going to be giving feedback directly on that. I just want to say a quick word, which is like, the best way to get better at anything in life but marketing and copy, especially marketing and copy included, is to get feedback on your copy. It can be uncomfortable. People avoid it because they're scared. They don't want to get their feelings hurt. But I promise it is the fastest way to get better at this skill. I remember when I first started copy, I spent about a year learning on my own. I learned some things. I'm a naturally good writer, so it was like I was okay. But the first time that I started hopping on a coaching call with a copywriter who helped me, I was like, oh, my God, I don't know anything, right? Like, I was wildly off the market. I would have just been spinning my wheels for years. And as soon as I got that coaching, it was like I shot up like a parabola. I got better so much faster. So much so that my first VSL I ever wrote went on to make, like, millions and millions of dollars. And it. I, like, I'm not kidding when I say it would completely bombed if I just done it based on what I read and what I understood. Okay, so you need that feedback, because what we think we understand versus what we actually get, there's often a big gap between it. Okay. And inside our program Genesis, like, I've been reviewing copy every single week, like, three hours a week for years. And I did feedback before that. We have another feedback channel. Like, I've given thousands of pieces of, like, critique that, like, documented ones that I could show. So I've gone through this process. I don't think I'm God's gift to copy or anything, but I think I'm pretty good at that and I'm pretty even better maybe at giving feedback on this. So if you want to get better and really improve your skills, which is you should have that desire if you want to win in this game. I would love to check it out. So without further ado, let's dive in. I got a ton of videos prepared for you that I'll be filming over the week, but this is the first one I wanted to get out. Okay, so let's break this down now. This is the second time I started recording this because the first time something happened and whatever, but originally all of this, you would have seen it all kind of crammed together. So I think the original headline looks something like not quite that bad, looks something like this. And my first feedback was like, oh, this is a lot to read. But to be fair, if you kind of split this up the way that I had it just a moment ago and make these things a little bit smaller, then, then I think it actually reads okay. And I don't, I don't hate it. But let's look a little bit more. After 30 years studying 10,000 plus osteoarthritis patients, this is okay. It's, it's good proof. One thing though is that this guy is a Nobel Prize winning scientist. Or at least that's, that's kind of the claim here, by the way. This is an advertorial. Advertorial. It's going to bridge between the ad and the product page and we're going to talk about that in just a second. So Nobel Prize, the first time we do it, this is a very common thing that happens. Like Nobel Prize is just one of those things that people respond to. Nobel Prize, NASA, whatever else they respond to that that's way stronger than this, right? 30 years can be kind of relevant. You can still do 30 years and 10,000 patients. It's okay. But that's what I would maybe try to massage if I didn't have proof. But you have a Nobel Prize winning scientist, right? So Nobel Prize winning scientist reveals. The other thing too. And I don't nitpick at copy except in the headline, just because the headline is your best shot. So everything needs to be kind of dialed in. So I would probably be like Nobel. Okay, now you could technically do this and then change this to Nobel Prize winning scientists. And again, I think it's a pretty good, pretty good headline overall, by the way. It has a lot of the copy blocks and things that we would Typically look for the other thing is like top science Swedish scientist reveals the invisible termites eating your knee reveals is interesting. You want to reveal the root cause, whatever. Like you, you shouldn't reveal something that people don't know if that makes sense. So like you can reveal the real hidden cause, you can reveal the scam that's against you. You can reveal an opportunity that you might want. Right? Something that people already kind of a reference for. But if you're teaching them that there's invisible termites eating your knee cartilage, you're not really going to reveal that. And the three step natural knee restore that stops them in less than 60 days. So Nobel prize winning scientists, So you can go a few different ways like you know, could these invisible termites or. Come back to it. I like this idea of the invisible termites. I think it makes sense. The original headline here has too many numbers. I try to keep it to one or two sets of numbers. People just have a hard time with numbers. So 30 years, 10,000 plus three step natural knee restore is not bad. I don't love it though as a curiosity block three steps, you'd be amazed. People are lazy. So three steps is exponentially harder than one step natural knee restore is just kind of like eh, doesn't really say that much. The reason I don't hate it is because it's actually okay that it's not that interesting because this is really the main interesting part, this ump part. So I'm trying to think through it. The kind of angle I'm looking for is like you have the elements and then you have a frame or an angle. So I'm trying to think of the angle as sort of like a new discovery. It's like a new discovery kind of angle. So I'm trying to figure out the right language that you would use for that. Nobel prize winning scientist discovers. The weird invisible termites something, something, something. So I would be trying to aim around the idea of like discovers is probably the right one. We'll come back to it. Headlines is one of those things that takes me. It takes me a while. Warren Cartilage isn't the real reason your your knees hurt. A study in the Journal of Rheumatology found something shocking. 83% of people over 50 damage. So same thing here. You want your openings to be a slippery slope. Go and read Joseph Sugarman Slippery Slope. So I like literally my first lines to be like that long and then just like draw people into the copy. Right. It looks way easier to jump into this Is hard because you're telling me like you got a big word. Journal of rheumatology. And then we got numbers. I wouldn't lead with this. 83% of people over 50 have damaged knee cartilage on X rays. Only 15% experience chronic pain. So what is making your knees hurt if it's not the cartilage? That's when I found research from Dr. Stefan scientist who spent 30 years. He wrote there's just a lot that's going on here. And so you're creating opportunity for people to kind of want to leave. You know, even if it was just something as simple as I'm going to riff a little bit, it's probably not going to be the best. But like. Again, we need to edit this quite a bit. You know, I kind of broke my own rule because this is a longer sentence. But you could even be like, you know, the snowbell it. That would be another kind of opening. So one cartilage. It's just too much density. Like you really have to be a master at understanding pace the people understand and not and creating friction like you want it. Like this is dumb caveman speak, right? Nobel prize winning scientist just flipped his half century of science on its head. I would Charlie change too much science. Discovering the first time ever Warren Carlo is not the real reason. Instead of something else entirely. An army of strange microscopic termites burned deep in your health cartilage even get raw, inflamed, full of tiny holes that causes to collapse and go from this to this. One thing that I would always try to do is like with health especially. But any market you want to make it as concrete and visceral as possible. I want them to literally feel an army of tiny microscopic termites burrowing deep and eating it like it's like Swiss cheese, right? Like that's the kind of stuff that you want to really visceral especially when you have something so good. It's a fucking layup. Excuse me. But like Nobel Prize, he actually says invisible termites in the thing. It's like layup, layup, lay up, layup. So don't shit the bed on this one because it's. It's crazy. Cool. So this is just too much. And again, you know, kind of follow a structure like set the ante. You don't need to prove what you're saying. You know, again, there's nuance because one of the adages is make a claim proof. Claim proof, claim proof. In general, that's true. However, you can make a claim in the lead once you get people's attention. You have a little bit. It's like once you get someone's attention with the headline, it's like an hourglass goes. And now you have permission to make a lot of crazy big claims before you sort of back it up, right? But you just need to do it before the hourglass goes down, right? So you here are like Warren Cartilage and now we got to prove it. A study in journalism, 83 people, stuff like that. But it's like the first goal is to make them actually understand what your proposition is. That cartilage, you've heard your entire life, that cartilage is the real reason that your joints hurt. That wear and tear grinds it down so you get that bone on, bone grinding feeling. However, a Nobel Prize winning scientist just definitively proved that it's wrong, which throws out a hundred years of science. But it makes it possible for everyday Americans to now finally get the relief they have. Because it's not wear and tear. In fact, I'll show you the proof of that in a minute. Said it comes down to an army of microscopic termites that are eating it like fucking Swiss cheese. That's the kind of thing you can make the claim, make sure they understand the claim and you can even say, I'll prove it later, right? You have permission to make a few claims before you go into proving it. But if you're rushing to start to prove all of this stuff, you're actually confusing them more, right? Because this is your proof. It's like, well, I know for sure it's not because 83% of people have this, but it's like, hold on a minute. Like, you know, I mean like, hold on, like give me. Chill. Let me, let me understand what you're saying first. You're talking about me. I don't know who you are. That's important. What of the big ones? I'll just kind of cut to the chase. I was going to save it, but Let me not string you along. Is like, this is an advertorial. It's quite long for an advertorial. Let's say most advertorials around a thousand to two thousand words. Not bad. You know, I like to write things that are long. It's kind of like written like a sales page. See, an advertorial is interesting because an advertorial is going to. An advertorial needs to look like an editorial. That's where it comes from, right? So advert, but it's an advertorial. So it needs to look like an editorial. So you need to kind of really pick the stance of. Of what are you talking about? Are you talking about an underdog story? Are you talking about a new breakthrough discovery? Are you talking about a doctor just giving a callisticle, like giving advice? Are you talking about some conspiracy cover up? Many people, I kind of call this like angle or frame. People confuse hooks and angles and concepts and stuff like this. To me, I call this the angle. It's sort of the way that you're framing all the information you're talking about. Another great book to read is the Think it was it called the. It's from Clayton Makepeace Ultimate Desktop Copy. It's a thousand pages like the bible of copy. Really, really good. I think that he calls this the. I don't remember. I don't remember. But it's like maybe like 40% through the book. It's after like headline topics and stuff like that thing. I have to, I have to remember. But he basically talks about like it's the similar idea. Is this a conspiracy? Is this that? Like what's the. What's the angle that we're taking? Kind of. It's like I don't know if this is. So it's like if it's a discovery, then we need to make it seem like it's new and cutting edge. So I would just leave out this 2018 part. But now we're talking about the research was. Was buried. So it's sort of like old research kind of coming to light. Like what would an editorial be? It would sort of be like a hit list conspiracy theory. Which means I want to establish that in my headline. Right. So like Nobel prize winning discovery around the real reason of your swollen achy joints buried, you know, was. Was kept quiet for whatever. Right. It's, you know, it's one of the most frustrating things. And then I'm a. And then you frame the person as like a health investigator. Right. I've been a health investigator for whatever. And this by far is one of the most shocking stories that I've ever come across. Right. More shocking than this. More shocking than that. And the reason why is because it's kept thousands of everyday Americans from receiving the understanding the real reason why they have it. In fact, I will go so far as to say once you see this research the way that I did that you will say that 99% of advice out there is a lie. In fact, even your doctors probably don't even know about this research. Right. You know, off the top of your head. They probably couldn't name who won the Nobel Prize in this day. But I know after doing, you know, spending hundreds of hours of researching it, this man is. Whatever. And why do you need to know this guy? Because he's responsible for a breakthrough discovery. The real reason your joints is not wear and tear, it's these termites, whatever. So here's the story. Right now. It's sort of like an investigative journalism thing, okay? If it's a discovery, then you just don't talk about the time and just say, this is a new discovery and you find a way to kind of make it sound new again. It's like you as the copywriter are responsible for the information that you include in the information that you leave. And you're always telling a story. Okay? The reality is we're not out here trying to tell the truth. It doesn't mean that we need to lie, but it just means that the truth is complex and nuanced and people don't have time for the truth oftentimes. Right? So when you have an ad, you get limited space, so you get to choose the story that you tell. And that's going to help people understand it. If it's a whistleblower, kind of conspiratorial type thing, make that the frame. If it's a new discovery, make that the frame. Even if it's a little, a few years old, it's okay. It's still new information. So we're presenting it as a new discovery. Hopefully what I'm saying makes sense. Again, weird things work all the time. So I'm not saying this definitively. I'm just saying if I were to write this, I would make sure I'm super, super clear what type of advertorial this is going to be. Okay. Nobel Prize winning discovery that pharmaceutical companies buried. I really like this. I would try to show the actual picture and have it highlighted. And again, this is big. Like, this is really, really good. So like 2008, he published study in the Lancet. Again, anytime you mentioned a publication or whatever, Lancet is like one of the most prestigious medical journals around. Highlight that, show me the image. And then when you're showing me something, that's a true paradigm shift, right? It's very rare in copy and marketing that you have a true paradigm shift. But if he actually said this and it's a true paradigm shift, that needs to be like a what the fuck moment. So you need to signal to these people that's a what the fuck moment. So I even put in here. Again, it's an advertorial, so it's not as like casual one on one language, but you can still do it. Did you read that? Like, make sure you actually check that out. He literally said it's an army of invisible. It's not driven by mechanical wear, but it's by this. That's the most insane thing ever because everyone thought this, right? So like highlight the fact that this is, this is bonkers. It even helped them earn multiple Nobel prizes in medicine. How could you earn Nobel Prize in medicine for something and everyone else forgets it? This is. Okay, I think people in general are vaguely conspiratorial, so you don't need that much evidence to really convince them that there's a cover up. People kind of want to believe that. However, in the interest of making this as strong as possible, either you're going to prove that it was a cover up, like this person covered up this, this person covered up, or you're just going to suggest, why was this research buried? No one knows for sure. But when you have a Nobel Prize winning discovery that could literally save millions of Americans from needless pain and it gets completely swept under the rug, you can only speculate, you can only make a guess that it's because there's no profit in curing you. And I'm not going to say outright that they were trying to cover and hide this up, but they definitely were not doing every. They definitely were not going out of their way to make this known to people. Why? Because if you take painkillers, you do this, a patient who, who actually fixes this problem, it's, you know, zero pounds per year or euros, whatever the fuck that is. Excuse me, Euros. Yeah. So hopefully that makes sense. You do a good job with it. I just think we could, you know, it's either all in or all out. If it's a conspiracy and you're saying definitively it is, tell me. Right, but like this is very speculative. And whether people register it as speculative or not, like I said, they kind of want to believe in a conspiracy. It's still like a little bit of distrust, you know what I mean? But people believe wild things. So, you know, it is what it is. So one thing that's really important is you want to minimize the amount of like, details. Because in order for me to follow a story like. Let's just think about that. For you to follow a story like, you need to know all the characters and who they are. If you don't know the characters, you start to lose track of the story or an argument. Right. If you don't know all the words of the vocabulary or the points in the argument, you start to lose track of the argument. We want to avoid people losing track of the argument. So you want to minimize the amount of characters and minimize the amount of information that you're giving to people. Because if the success of the argument depends on them understanding and following each line and they miss something, that's going to be a problem. So you're always trying to minimize it to like, just how simple and basic can I make this? Because again, people are not giving you their full attention. So what I find a little bit confusing is like, you already told me my knees aren't worn out, they're being eaten alive. So, like, it's a little weird that we're repeating that here. Not the worst thing, a little weird, but it'd be better to be like, so what exactly are these termites? That's the question I really have. You already told me my knees are being eaten alive. So, like, tell me what these termites are. Okay, now here you're telling me, look at all the things you need to figure out. So when you're in pain. Okay, good. I can understand that easily. Your immune system, that's one thing, sends out cytokines. That's two things. Those trigger enzymes, three things. And those enzymes are actually the termites fourth. And then they just don't, they don't stay. They stay away. So it's like a lot of different elements that are in there, and you don't need them. You don't need to talk about the immune system or cytokines. It's confusing, actually, to mention cytokines because I thought you were explaining termites to me. So just be like, I'd be like, you know, when you're, when you're, you know, when your body gets stiff or gets sore, it starts to send out a bunch of different enzymes that whenever your body gets attacked or something like that, your body sends out special enzymes that help to clean up any sort of damage that happened. They're like termites that do this. Now, typically when you're younger, these enzymes just turn off and do their job, right? However, over time, some of these termites start to stay there, and then they just keep. Keep eating and keep eating like greedy little bastards, right? That's what you want to pay attention to. So again, it's like, we don't need to know all the cytokines and stuff like that. Like, keep it simple. Joints get hurt, enzymes come to eat it. They stay their welcome, overstay their welcome and you have too much of. This is fine. But just connect it. Like why everything you've tried has failed. Again, I like, I don't like things that are super vague. So like why this, this, that and that has failed. It probably makes perfect sense. Nsaids, they just mask the pain, connect it back to our mechanism, then you can use the proof again. A lot of people don't read the proof directly. What they do is they just look at your premise and then they look to see that you have proof and it looks convincing. Oh, I see some researchy stuff. Cool. I accept it. That's basically what people do. So if you lead with the research, they're not actually getting the point when you can just make the point directly. Like NSAIDs, well, as you can probably guess, they don't do anything about the termites. Right. So they just keep eating this and meanwhile this just masks the pain and damages all these other stuff, for example, and then just show the proof so they can skip it if they want to. Same thing with everything else. Again, it's like, I don't really know where I'm going. Is this a cover up, a conspiracy? Like, what's going on? I thought we already kind of covered this. I know it's different because you're talking about the incentives of like insurance companies and health companies versus doctors, but still it feels a little bit similar, Actually. Kind of like that idea. There's a potential. I would just take it out. But it's, it's okay, right? Just set it up a little bit more. If you still feel pain in your joints, that's actually good news. I know it sounds crazy, but pain is actually good news. Yeah, it's okay. Changed everything. I don't like that. I want it to be specific. Like that's such, you know, such powerful real estate. Change everything doesn't do anything. Tell me a specific benefit that I'm getting. The other problem is that none of your ingredients are special, Which it looks like this is probably in a European market based on the Euros. And European market is less sophisticated, so you might be able to get away with it. But I think I did a video somewhere about or talked about how you can make this work. But like there's literally, you're kind of, there's nothing in here that's unique. So your job is either to look at a unique combination, but again there's just not that many. So you probably have to kind of rename one or disguise one is something they haven't seen. And again, you just do the best you can, but there's really nothing unique about that. That's pretty much every joint supplement. So that's one that's gonna be a little bit harder. But again, if your market is less sophisticated, maybe this is Bulgaria, I think. Did I see that? Oh, yeah. Then, you know, smaller market, less sophisticated, you might be able to get away with it. So that's all my feedback. Overall, I think it's. I think it's great. You know, I have your name somewhere. I just didn't have it up on here. Whatever you did, great job, keep writing. I think you have a lot of good kind of natural flow and hopefully that feedback was helpful for you and not too harsh. And that's it. If you're interested in getting your feedback, your copy reviewed, please just pop something in the link below. And I have many more videos coming for you guys. So thank you so much for all the continued support and everything else. There are additional links down below. I'll just mention them real quick. One is for anyone who wants to sort of start or scale a marketing service business. So if you're a freelancer, copywriter, creative strategist, something like that, you either want to get into the game or you're, or you want to know how to use AI to sort of scale it. Get that it's really compiled a bunch of information about like client getting stuff, how to use AI. We have great specific bots, great trainings on AI type stuff. It's a pretty, pretty strong product. So that's below $27. The other one below is basically copy blocks training. You can think of it like copywriting one on one. It's a copy block system. There's a free video on this page that you guys can check out, see if that's interesting to you. That one is the advanced version of that is a lot of content, a lot of material. I'm really, really proud of that product. But a lot of time into it. It's a little more like skill building than like a flashy one of whatever. But really insanely good product that I stand by. I stand by all my products, but I really like that one. My email list below as well, where you can get access to a lot of stuff that I share on this channel. Tons of prompts and bots and all kinds of Miro boards and stuff like that. All you got to do is opt into my email list and make a response or something and then I send that to you. And I also send out a bunch of stuff that I'm up to on my email list, and then maybe there'll be some other links down below, too. So that's all I got. And I appreciate you guys so much, and I'll see you in the next video. Peace.