0061: Choosing Your Power, How to Breakthrough from Your Plateau & Become Who You Deserve To Be

Ea interviews, episode 61, inspiration, transformation, success stories and the imperfect action round. Seven days a week, join Mario Ficcini for today's Expert Authority effect interview. Welcome, Expert Authority World. I'm excited to have you here again today and be able to share with you another great Expert in authority, Dr. Wayne Purnell. Have you ever gotten to your career and felt like you're successful? Have you ever felt like you're moving forward and you're already at the top, but maybe you hit a plateau? Maybe you got stuck at the top? Do you feel like there's more to it than just the finish line? Do you realize that there's more to life than just the success? Maybe you feel stuck, maybe you hit that plateau, but you in your heart of hearts, want to break free from that. Well, I'm excited to be sharing with you because we're going to bring him up right after we thank the sponsor and he's going to be giving you the breakthrough and sharing with you how he gets all his clients past this. So we'll see you right after the sponsor we're going to bring up. Dr. Wayne Purnell.

How would you like to grow your wealth? Easier than you think. With the change, you probably don't notice anyhow automatically. That's why I started the compounding interest snowball investing with Acorns and advise you do too get started simply and easily today@eainterviews.com ACORNS Here he is, ladies and.

Gentlemen, Dr. Wayne Purnell. How are you doing, Wayne?

Hey, Mario. What a pleasure to be here. It's a great day to break through.

Absolutely. I want to jump right into it and I want to know a little bit more about your story. What inspired you to start your company? And I have a feeling that it has something to do with the pizza.

Oh, yeah. Yes, indeed. You know, hey, Mario, what a pleasure to be here. Some people know me. Great day to break through. I've had a great, great life up to this point and plan on having more. When I was about 42, I had already had some pretty good success behind me. And the thing is, that didn't exactly mean I was happy. And there were a lot of things. I was big out in the world. I felt really powerful out in the world. I was consulting with some major, major, major companies. And.

At home, things weren't always so great.

My marriage was kind of a mess. I was on the verge of a divorce. I was looking at bankruptcy. There was a company that I was affiliated with that I was.

Just inches away. From losing my job. I mean, so much was going on behind the scenes, but outwardly, you know, I looked like, you know, I was powerful in getting things done. And I think a lot of times we have that going on for us, those that want to make a difference. And this was again, back when I was about 42 years old, and I just felt like I needed to get away to get my head straight. And I flew to my brother's house. He's 12 years younger. Jeff lived in Nevada. And I was sitting on his living room rug. I was on his living room floor, and I was pulling at the strands of carpet, rocking back and forth. And being 12 years younger, he never really could help me while we were growing up. So as adults, when I came to visit, he was so happy, you know, hey, brother. So happy you're here. And he was bouncy all over the place, like a little puppy almost. Hey. He was trying to jolly me out of this headspace I was in. And I felt like, well, I'm. I'm just pulling at these strands of white carpet. And you remember shag carpet, right? So I know.

I look up, and I almost felt like saying, you know, hey, I'm trying to be depressed. And he wouldn't let that happen. He was like, hey, I'll tell you what. Let's get a pizza. Do you want to get a pizza? How about a pizza? And I'm like, sure, sure, sure, sure. And he bounces off into the kitchen and picks up a phone book. So obviously, these were back in the days when we had phone books. And he goes to the phone on the wall, obviously, again, back in the days when there were phones on the wall. He picks it up, and he starts to punch in some numbers, and he yells to me, hey, what do you like on your pizza? And I go.

I don't know. Pineapple and olives. And he was like, great. Okay, great. And he continues to punch in numbers, and.

I burst into tears. And he looks at me, and he's a little perplexed. And he hangs up the phone, and he closes the phone book, and he comes over, and he puts his arm around me. He goes, dude, it's just a pizza.

And I go. I look up at him and I say, I know, I know, but.

No one's ever asked me that question before. He looks at me, he's like, what? I go, look, I gave you an answer. That was the easy answer to give for when the kids wanted pizza and they would all agree on that flavor. Pineapple and olives for Whatever reason, that was the easy answer. That was the go along to get along answer. And no one's ever asked me what I want on my pizza. And I realized in that moment that I was giving away a small choice. And if I've been giving away small choices, like, what do I want on my pizza? What about the big choices in my life? And I was consulting with big firms and I was meeting with some serious people, but what about having given away, like, big choices in my life? And it was at that point that I knew I had to reclaim so much of me. And that's what started me on my. Really started me on my quest. I mean, yes, I have a background, my doctorate is in clinical psychology. And yes, I blended that with business early on. But I had really lost myself. And this one question, what do you want? What do you like on your pizza? That turned so much around for me. And I began writing, I began consulting differently. I was more solid in myself. And so, yeah, that's what started me on this path. Because I knew if I'd gone along to get along, I knew that other people had been going along to get along too. Even if they look great on the outside, there was stuff going on for them, too.

How did you start approaching them to realize you had that in common? Because you can't exactly go up to someone and be like, hey, you look good, but I'm sure you got a lot of crap going on in there. What was your approach to just start that conversation because I know you want to help them, but how do you essentially break the ice around that?

Yeah, I think I really started asking different questions. You know, it's not in addition to.

What'S going on in your business, it's more what's going on, how are you doing, and how are you doing in the different areas of your life? And I would start to ask, like, so, you know, where. Where are you successful in your business and what are the obstacles? And how are you feeling financially? How you feeling socially? How are you feeling at home in your partnership, at home or with your kids? How are you feeling spiritually, physically? And so I'd start to ask questions that were more rounded. And as people got to know me and know that it's not a checklist, and that's where, you know, what's interesting is a lot of consultants get that wrong. Well, let's check through. Yeah, yeah, you're great business wise, you're terrible at home and you're struggling financially. Good. Next. And it's like, no, no, no, no, it becomes relationship based. And so what I started to do was to really become. Because I became more me. You know, people call me Dr. P.

Before that episode, I think people were calling me Dr. Purnell, Dr. Wayne Purnell, which is great. I mean, I earned the title.

But I don't need to be the doctor, right? So it's more. I became more Dr. P. Or some people call me Dr. Wayne, or some people just call me Wayne. And it's really.

It's more relationship based when people work with me, and it's about being friendly and accessible and real. And when that changed in my approach, that changed in the response I got. And it's huge. It's huge. It makes all the difference in the world. I stopped trying to be somebody. And that was. That was a huge turnaround and maybe a lesson for the audience. When you stop trying to be somebody, you actually let that part of yourself that's in there that already is somebody out. And that's magical.

So how did that make you feel once you essentially had that breath of fresh air to say, hey, I can let this weight off my shoulders and not have to fit into these boxes. I can order what I want. What other areas did it start revealing to you outside of the pizza and business?

Well, it's great. I mean, I realized that I'd put away so much of my creative side. I also realized that there was a piece of me that.

In consulting with so many people over the years, that they had been aching. And I started to reflect on what they were aching, what were the main areas where they had their aches. And so part of what happened for me is the creative side of me broke through. And that's when I started writing. And I don't know if you heard that I dropped one of my books. I'm going to talk about that hopefully maybe a little bit later. But my first book, my baby, is Choosing your power. And that was really. This really focuses on the nature of the struggle. And the subtitle of this is Becoming who you deserve to be at home and in the world. And it really is that breath that you talk about that.

Is really a sense of finding your footing and standing firm and standing up into yourself. And my process.

I knew somehow when you're going through it, you feel very alone. And somehow in breaking through it, I knew that my struggle wasn't unique. If it was happening to me, it was happening for other people that were hiding from it. And so that sense that you were talking about is really.

My creative side came out My desire to share with others came out. My desire to be, to share with more than just one on one in consulting happened. And wow, whole world's opened up since then.

What has it meant for your clients? What if they're in the same boat you were and they just feel like Atlas with the weight of the world on their shoulders and everything. When they go through your training and your coaching and you're working with them, how do they feel afterwards? What's that transformation you can give them?

So the breakthrough is really about finding the next. A lot of times people get stuck or they feel stuck and the sense of relief of, oh, there is a next is a big deal. And you and I talked about.

Prior to our call today, we had talked about what happens to somebody when they set a success level.

And really that's what this is. People very often have this measure of success when I get there. Oh, when I get there, I'm going to feel great, I'm going to be, everything will work out when I get there. And people set their sights on this, this success place and they work towards it, and they work towards it, and they work towards it. And sometimes that journey is five years, 10 years, sometimes 20 years. And when they get there.

They wonder if that's all there is. It's like, I'm here now, is that it? And so they live their lives.

Unfulfilled. They feel like, well, I've worked so hard and now that I have this C suite office, or now that I have this amount of money in the bank, or now that I have this car I've always wanted, whatever it is, whatever the measure of success was, they feel like, well, now that I have it, now what, of course I have it. And what they don't recognize is that that journey that they took to get there, it's the journey that changed them. It's that journey that changed them. So that that level of success, of course, is going to be less than meaningful because they're becoming more and more and more and more powerful along the way. And that more and more powerful brings them to a point of standing on their mountain going, okay, now I'm at the top. And that's where feeling in the intro you reference, this feeling stuck at the top comes through. And they do, they feel stuck at the top. Here I am, I'm at the top, now what? And so what I do is I help them break through to their next. You're not stuck at the top, you're stuck just below the clouds. Because when the clouds clear, you'll find that there's actually another mountaintop. And my work is to go, look, let's redefine your next level of success. Let's take the values that you had that got you here, sort through them and take them to whatever the next is. Right. So we define together. And that's, I think the answer to the question is, you know, what, what do my clients feel? They feel this sense of new life, reinvigorated. Like, oh, there's something worth working for again. There's something worth putting my spirit, my vitality, my life back into again. Because it's not the prize. If you think about any success you've had, it's not the prize. You know, I've got awards and plaques on the wall and things like that. Those aren't the prize. They're the reminder of the journey. What did it take to get there when, you know, I've run three half marathons in my time, and I don't remember necessarily being given the medal. What I remember is a half marathon is 13 miles. Right. And so what I remember is, I clearly remember the self talk I had at mile nine, which is, I've run nine miles. I've run nine miles. I don't know if I can run anymore to. Oh, no, no, no, no. You've run nine miles. What lays ahead is four miles. Dude, you know how to do that. And I remember that as part of my journey. Yeah, the race starts now. And that's part of it. That is all part of it. So the feeling of, okay, I'm back in it. I am back in it, and people feel revitalized. You know, the retreat I have, it's coming up in.

10 days at this point, and today is the last day. I'm actually closing registration today, so. So if anybody wants to join me in San Diego.

On April 12th and 13th, stuckatthetop.com would go through the breakthrough stuff. Stuckatthetop.com is a great place to get some resources and some ideas about what are your breakthroughs. But this is it.

This is how to get your breakthrough. Think about anything you've done, what have you worked on, what have you worked for, and what has gotten you to that place.

And then.

What'S next.

What I'm hearing in there is a lot of, it's not that you're stuck at the top. It's that you're perfectly positioned to go to the next level.

That's so true. Right. And I, I did want to say, I mentioned a date. There's a waiting list for the next one, by the way. So it won't matter what time listeners tune into this or viewers tune into this. And it is true that you're perfectly positioned to get to the next place. What happens is people forget that there's a next place or to look even further. I'm sitting down a. You saw me lean in. That was. I didn't want to spill water. So I'm being very transparent with you right here.

So, yes, people are. What happens is my clients when I work with them. And even in reflecting on my own levels of, wow, what's next? How do I get there? That struggle that is so important, because.

When people feel the struggle, they feel like, I don't know if I can. I don't know if I should. And the other part is, I worked this hard to get here, and how come I'm so unfulfilled? You know, Mario, I have a kind of a saying that I use which is. And some people find it almost off putting, and other people find it very interesting. And that's this. I live my life.

Happily dissatisfied. I live my life happily dissatisfied. And what that means is.

What that means is that if I paused my life right now and looked around, I go, wow, I am lucky.

I am blessed. I am happy. The things I have in my life, everything is so good. And it's, you know, compare that to other people and, and really, it's not about comparing to anybody. Because if I looked at others and go, wow, so many people have so many more things than I do. There's that. But if I paused my life right here, I'd go, I'm happy. And knowing that my life isn't on pause, I look forward and I go, you know what? But there's more. There's more. There's more for me to do. There's more for me to have, and more important, there's more for me to serve. And that's where I get happily dissatisfied. It's like I've. I know that I've. I've reached this far. Oh, there's so much more, right? And so happily dissatisfied is not a bad thing. It's not something that's like, oh, don't ever, you know, don't, don't.

You shouldn't quest. Or you shouldn't be dissatisfied at all. You should be happy with what you have. That's right. I'm happy with what I have.

But you shouldn't be content with it either. Because like you're saying, you know, where you're at right now, this Is one of the things I think about where I'm at right now. Yeah, I'm aiming for something down the road, but I just hit a couple of my own milestones. And it's like, where you're at right now is what you were dreaming a year or two ago, six months ago, three. Three months ago. And when you get to that point where you start helping a ton of people and speaking and doing different things, you realize there's so many more people you can help. So if you do have a true servant's heart, you're always thinking, hey, I can do this, I can do this. You know, maybe it's local, then it's regional, then it's national, international, global. You know, there's people. You just start having a bigger vision and a bigger picture and realize, you know, I. There's plenty of work for the next hundred years that we can be doing on. As long as it's not about you.

It's so true. It is so true. That's right. And that is part of what keeps me going. And when I work with my clients, it's exactly that. So sharing. Sharing that with them and engaging at that level, it reignites that spirit in them. Like, yeah, that's almost like. And I use. I guess I use spirit in two. Sense of the word. Like, there's a greater connection, but also there's a spirit, almost like a fighting spirit. Like, I'm in. I'm in. Like, let me add it. And to see that life come back to people that have been just finding their way along. Just finding their way along. You know, in one of my books, I talk about, you know, some people live their life just trying to get through day to day with the reward of dying at the end of it. It's like they live their lives very comfortably and quietly, hoping just to get through the day. That's not a life to me. Right. And that's. That's what I hope to inspire in other people, is that's not where life comes from. It's what can you do for other people? How do you lift other people up?

One of the favorite, My favorite things that I've seen before, it says, don't live 75. Don't live the same life 75 times and call it a life. And so many people do that, you know, with the stuff you're saying, you take your clients through, touch on one of your biggest success stories with one of your clients.

That's great. One of my biggest success stories, I think, was.

In doing some executive coaching to have him talk about.

Not only learning how to speak with. He was a senior, senior leader and yet there were people above him and he was having some trouble in getting through to the people above him. So I talked with him about how to gain more confidence and how to gain influence even in going up the chain and in working with him. He was also talking about how his communication skills had improved and that was improving his communication with his kids. And he was talking about one of his kids and one of his kids. And I.

Just, I was listening and I was like, don't you have two? And he pretty much, you could hear him smile and sink back and give us a sigh. He was like, and I only have so many weekends till that one goes off to college.

And so it was really, the success was to recognize that he was growing in so many ways that the aspiration of climbing had left him sort of blinded to the other part of his life. And so I call it a success. When I can help people really integrate their lives.

That to me, because that is heart based. That to me is where it counts. When someone can have this ambition. I want to climb, I want to do this in my profession. That's great.

At what expense? Right. And so do that and reach back and make sure your family's with you. Make sure that the people you care about are still there and bring them first. I think so. That was one of my biggest successes, was having him be able to extend up, but also make sure that he gathered his family close along the way.

I'm glad you're touching upon that because I've said the same thing to my clients for years as far as doing, don't be so successful in one area. You know, you're a winner in one area but a loser in the other. Because at the end of the day, ultimate success. And I love saying this about peak performers because they're like, I'm a peak performer. I'm a peak performer. I'm a peak performer. And all this. And it's like, yeah, in one thing, but the other nine areas.

Exactly.

You're severely dropping the ball. I.

I've, I came up with this years ago and if you want to go into it on episode 18, it's called femmes, PR, financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and relational. And the priorities I have are God, health, family, business, in that order. And when you have those in alignment, the other stuff, it's not always going to be perfect. It's not going to always be roses and unicorns or whatever the analogy is. But at the End of the day, you can go, you know what, maybe I, maybe I only worked with five people this week, you know, in whatever capacity, maybe it's 500 depending on, you know, whatever. The point is you can feel confident. I did my absolute best with the people I'm working with. And because I've noticed a lot of people, they're like, oh, there's all these people that need my help. It's like, yeah, so does your family. And you just gave away 23 hours with these 23 randos. And meanwhile your wife's contemplating if she should stay with you, the kids want nothing to do with you. And it's like, where's the priorities for this? And I'm not saying don't help the people, but there's different ways to do it. And it's why, you know, I'm glad you did your books, you do your speaking, as do I, because there's great ways to leverage that to get to the people because you only have so much time. And I'm really, really glad you're sharing, sharing this with people because I feel it's so important. So speaking of your books and speaking, speaking of your books and speaking, let's dive a little bit deeper into your, your training.

My, my training or my books or my, the books.

The topic.

What I do.

Yeah, I say training the book in the training. I mean, I'm not expecting you to take us through a 12 week course or 8 week course or whatever the case is. But let's dive into your book a little bit deeper and the topics you speak on with to your audience. One of them I wanted to highlight was the watch, the watchwords you were telling me about.

Oh, those watchwords. You're gonna love this, right? You're gonna love this. And I get so reinvigorated just even talking about them. So in, in choosing your power, I go into. This is a relationship and self empowering book. This is about how to build better relationships and it's good for leaders too. You know, a lot of times people look at it and go, oh, well, that's a self help book. And the truth is if you want to be a powerful leader, you have to be really good in relationships. And if you want to be really good in relationships, you have to be super solid in yourself. And that's, you know, when I was talking about the whole thing about pizza, it was, and, and finding out how much I'd given away and gone along to get along, it was that I was pretending to be a leader. I wasn't very solid in myself. My relationships were very shaky. And that a lot of that was my fault. You know, a lot of that was. It's, you know, relationships are two sided and you have to be able to show up at 100%. Relationships are not 50. 50.

Relationships are 100. 100. They have to be. You have to be present. And so when you were talking about walking people through your process, one of the things that I did at home was I recognized that I used to have one of those fancy electronic watches that would buzz and give me alerts. And on the weekends I'd be.

I'd be checking my. I'd be checking my watch. I'd be checking my watch. And my wife at one point was said to me, do you have somewhere to be? I'm like, no, no. An alert just came through as if that was more important than paying attention to her. And. And she calls them my imaginary friends. It's like, your imaginary friends can wait. You're here with me. And from that point on, every Friday afternoon, I would take that watch off and put on a different watch or not wear a watch at all. And these days that's been a couple of years. And I haven't worn an electronic watch in a couple of years now because I don't need that. Right. I need to be present, and so does everyone watching this. You need to be present. There's so much pulling on our attention and our time.

And so when I wrote choosing your power, it was about how do you live more into yourself. And in it I talk about relationship. In it I talk about communication. In it I talk about how to find your path back to freedom. One of the things that I do in the book in the communication chapter is to talk about these 10 watchwords. There are 10 key watchwords. And Mario, if we've got time, I'll share three of them with you.

Okay, Go for it.

Good. Okay, so the top watchword, these are, and I call them watchwords because these are words to eliminate from your vocabulary. And if you can, if you can almost eliminate them, okay, you need to.

Do at least five of them because now I'm curious. There's a few I've been working on that I've heard. If I'm missing any, I want to make sure I get them. So.

All right, all right. So let me walk you through the top three. And.

I guarantee you that if you do this, your life will change. Really? Seriously.

Things will change in your relationships. The first one, you know, there's all this talk about start with why. Start with why. And that is perfect for you to understand what your why is.

At the same time, like, you need to know what. What drives you? What's. What's the value? What are your personal values? That's the why. Internally, that said, do not start any sentence with why.

That's a big one. If I said, hey, Mario, why are you wearing a red tie today?

The only way to start the answer to that is because.

And that immediately puts it on. Puts you on the defensive. Right? Instead, if I said, hey, Mario, what do you like about the red tie versus the blue tie? Or what do you like about wearing a tie at all? That's a conversation, not why are you wearing a red tie? And so I think what happens is that at home or at the office, if you're working with team members or subordinates or even upline.

People accidentally end up pushing others away. When we mean to actually be inclusive and what happens is we use why. Well, why? Why did you do that? The other thing is, at home, you. If anybody's got kids or older people in the house that act like kids, it's not unusual to say, well, why are your jeans on the floor? And the only real answer to that is, my jeans are on the floor because that's where I took them off, and gravity kept them in place. It's like, that's not the answer.

I want them.

Right. The answer. Right. And so if we get to a place of going, all right, it's sort of like, well, why are there dishes in the sink? It's like, that's where I left them. And again, gravity kept them in place.

Would you rather they be on the kitchen floor?

Exactly right. So there are two ways of responding to a why question. And you just gave the second way, which is great. The first way is where most people go, which is, what's the right answer? Because I actually meant to do them. And so it's almost like they enter a place of placation, though no one.

In their right mind actually wants to do dishes.

No one wants to. But they show up and they, you know, it's like, oh, I don't want to make you mad. Right. So that's placating. The other side of that is what you did, which is, well, would you rather they're on the floor? Which is what I call the obstreperous adolescent response. It's basically saying f you without saying it, right.

Well, it's the fu response with the n at the end. It's fun. I mean, you could put Dirty dishes, anywhere you want around the house. The back patio, the garage, the garden.

It's true.

They belong in the sink. That's their home.

It doesn't get well, who left them there? Darn it. Right? And so what happens is there's this parental kind of tone that instead of being adult, we jump into parent and we get the child answer. And that's what happens. And so what it would be better is to ask, we eliminate why and we start to ask what or how questions. Hey, since we all live here, what would it take to keep an empty sink? Like, you paint the picture of what you want versus why did you do that? Why'd you wear, you know, again, back to. Back to engaging with you. Why'd you wear a red tie, Mario? So instead it's like, hey, you wear pretty fun ties. What about the red one made you want to wear it today?

Because it was on.

Because it was on.

There you go. Right? So because I wore it. The whole point is you get a different response when you ask a what or how question. If I ask a why question, it creates.

When anyone asks a why question, it creates this one down sort of feeling. And it is a fight starter. It really is a fight starter. And so I really suggest that you eliminate why and start substituting what or how with a little bit of curiosity. Right? So you've got this, huh? I wonder versus why'd that happen? Now, if you're an engineer and need to figure out why this. Why a dam broke or whatever, that's a why. That's why I call it a watchword and not a eliminate this at all cost. And when you're reflecting on your values and why is that important to me? And why is that important to me? That's a great process when you put it on yourself, like, why did I do that? Oh, why did I do that? That's not a great process because again, you are condemning yourself the same way if you said, why did you do that? To someone else, you're condemning them, you're judging them. And so if you want a better relationship, start with what or how. So watchword number one is why.

Ready for watchword number two?

I very much am.

Okay. All right, so I'm going to pick on your tie again. Here we go. So watchword number two is but.

And if I said you are wearing a red tie, but I'm choosing not to wear a tie today, it sounds sort of judgmental.

Most people think in terms of what most people have heard about, but which is true, is that it Negates everything that comes before it. Most people don't think in terms of how judgmental it also sounds. And there, you know, in America, at least, and very often in other cultures, too, we find conversation a competitive sport. And we will break. We'll wait for someone else to take a breath, and then we jump in. Yeah, but. And we butt the other person so that we have the floor and it pushes them out. So. But is sort of blameful also. It sort of. It causes a little bit of shaming or. Or one up, one down. And if I substituted the word and it creates this inclusiveness, and it's. If I said, oh, you chose to wear a red tie, and I chose to go without a tie today, that's a conversation. That's not a judgment. You wore a red tie, but I didn't wear a tie. That's a judgment. Right. So you can get the subtleties that come through. Also, when I was working with a manager, oh, my gosh, this is a great one. About how it negates what comes before it. So this manager is trying to give a pep talk to his team, and he's like, all right, you guys, so July and August were really great months, but we have two weeks left in September. And I'm a consultant. I'm listening to this. I am thinking, I don't know what that means. July and August were great months, but we have two weeks left in September. And is he trying to say we should do even better in September or we sucked in September. Like, it didn't work? Actually.

It wasn't a good month. Like, I didn't know what he was trying to say. I talked to him afterwards. He was trying to give a pep talk. We've got two weeks. What I taught him was, in the future, use the word and instead of but and listen to the difference. July and August were really great months, but we have two weeks left in September. Listen to what happens if you put in this syllable that you can barely even recognize and substituting but with. And July and August were really great months, and we have two weeks left in September, and it totally changes the meaning of wow, we can do it. Right. It changes that meaning from confusion. And maybe September wasn't so great to wow, we can do it again.

Yeah, the first time you said it. But we have two weeks in September. I took it as, but we have two weeks left in September to hit our goal and make sure we have a successful September, just like we did with July and August.

And the. And underscores that there's no confusion at all. July and August were really great months. And we have two weeks left in September, which really gives a parentheses of.

And we can do it. Without a doubt. It's gonna happen.

Exactly. Exactly. So the butt thing is one of those where it is so prevalent in some offices. I've suggested having what's called a butt jar and people will cut each other off with but yeah, but. And it's very dismissive.

But what do you think of actually.

Actually can come with so much attitude that your tonality counts so much. Well, actually I'm smarter than you are is what it sounds like. Right. So you have to be really careful when you use that. Kids are notorious for using it when they learn it. Well, actually it's this.

I really think that it is.

I think that it puts people down. So it's not one of my watchwords. And at the same time. But you're aware of it. I would actually not use that word.

So why is the first one to eliminate but is the next one to eliminate? And the third one is should.

Should. So Fritz Pearls, who was the founder of gestalt psychology back in the 60s, said that shoulds are poop and there's no reason to should all over yourself or anyone else. Got that?

There's no reason to should all over yourself or anyone else. You should do this, you should do that. And here's where it comes up the most is family gatherings, is when you feel it. Oh, by the way, he called these shoulders S H O U L D E R S shoulders. And you know you're shoulding on yourself when they come up around your ears. Oh, I should have done this, I should have done that. They're basically, they're sort of defensive and they're also, they're also stress based. So in family gatherings, there's a lot of should. Oh, you should have called first. You should have been here sooner. You should have brought green beans instead of potato salad. And the truth is you can't should have anything now. You can't should have done anything right now. And so the best thing to do is to point out, hey, it's past the time you said you'd be here. In the future, if you know you're running late, would you please call me? That'd be great.

So that's one of the key things is should does nothing for you except to blame you and blame the other person. If you're looking for a way to put the other people down in your life, then sure, go ahead and use why go ahead and use. But go ahead and use. Should. My suggestion is that you eliminate those for a week and see what happens to the conversations that happen at home.

Yeah, it depends. Are you trying to win friends and influence people or lose friends and alienate people?

Exactly.

I'm glad you shared that because words are powerful and I. You got me all. I'm like, really? Are really noticing what I'm saying now. I'm like, I better not say but. Or any of that. But people don't realize all the stuff they say and how it makes a difference, even the tonality. Like, hey, what do you think of the new microphone? Oh, actually, I don't care anymore. Why'd I ask you? It's, you know.

Because you have person a going, I'm trying to share an accomplishment and someone else just sitting there fact checking the crap out of it. It's like if you're doing a book report, I get it. Or maybe you're making a mechanical part for a car that needs to be stress test at, you know, the thousandth degree so the thing doesn't blow up when a family's driving in it, but when you're having a casual conversation over a barbecue.

Yes.

Maybe perhaps just be a little more conversational. Nicer.

And with why I have cut down on relationships, there were some significant relationships that I no longer have with certain people who live their life in this in the place of why.

Just questioning.

Everything in a negative way.

Well, it sounds negative. They don't think it's negative. And yet that's. Because that's the way they live their lives. To them, they just want to know. I just want to know. But even that the tonality is. Yeah, no, you don't just.

No, you're interrogating me. I think you were. You work for a different country. You're just claiming all this. You almost need a spray bottle of water. Just when they start talking like, what'd you spray me for? It's like, you needed a bath because you're clearly dirty minded, so you need to clean off. Or either that, just spray it to get them away from you. I know exactly who you're. I, I'm gonna pivot because I don't want to accidentally say the names, but I totally get it. And it is that powerful, you know, why did you have a great week this week? I don't think there's anyone going, oh, I sold X amount more units. It's. Maybe you help more people, but it's like, what really, really, really was it? And it's like you know what? I wasn't around so and so, and they. They didn't bring me down. Or maybe there's a group of so and so. Or why. Why is everyone. You know, most people like the weekend because they get to have fun and they're around the people they want to be around. When you can do that every day. Yeah, it's a game changer.

Isn't that amazing? That's huge. That's huge. That's the other thing about Stuck at the Top. And really, I mean, the whole idea of choosing your power is to land solidly in yourself. The whole idea of Stuck at the Top is to recognize you're not stuck. You get to create the life you want. And I did a thing on. Remember when the lottery, not that long ago, was three quarters of a billion dollars, at least in the United States? I don't know, with some of the international viewers, you may not know about the Powerball here. For the United States, we had this powerball that was $750 million. And my thinking on that was, there are so many people who were thinking, that'll change my life. That'll change my everything. And the truth is, while that money would change your life, you have to think about what it would change it to.

It would just reveal who they are, not change it.

What do you want? Like, a lot of people go, well, I want to be able to do this and this and this and this with my life. And my question of them is, well, what are you doing now to create that for yourself in the future anyway? You don't wait for something to drop on you to start creating that life you want. Yeah, when I'm done punching a clock and going to work, man, everything is going to be great. Working for the weekend, that's not a life.

Love what you do. Love the people you work with. Create that. Start there. That's Mario. You asked me one of my messages, and clearly that's one that's coming through right now. And I've done that with executives, I've done that with entrepreneurs. I've done that with people who were stuck in this place of I just want. It's like, you want what? There's a saying that goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time right now. And so really, what are you planting so that in the future it is growing to be the thing that you want it to be. That's the magic. That's where you actually reclaim your life. It's huge.

Yeah. You can start that at Any point in time. My first goal in business when I went full time in 2008, I just wanted to own my calendar because there were so many times I wanted to go to a leadership event, a training event, a marketing event, whatever the case may be. And it was, oh, I gotta ask for time off. I'm like, this is my life. And the second I was able to say, what do I want to do with my day? It changed everything. Because that, I mean, you can't put a price on that. If you make all the money in the world and don't own on your calendar, you don't own your life.

Exactly.

I, I mean, that's the most important thing I'd say. That should be everyone's goal. One to say, hey, what would you do with 24 hours, 168 hours a week, you know, 365 days a year? So we're gonna go to the imperfect action round right after we thank our sponsor and we'll come back for the 62nd round. Rapid fire questions. Invest automatically, save for later and spend today.

That's why I love Acorns.

I used to think spare change didn't.

Make a difference and saving and investing was an old fashioned manual process.

It's not. And it's a game changer.

If you're not leveraging, compounding interest in your business and life automatically, you're missing out. Acorns not only makes saving and investing.

Easy and automatic, it makes it even more valuable.

By investing with diversified portfolio portfolios, spare change, extra cash and rounding up everyday transactions, you can even set recurring monthly investments in the amount you desire to make good. Great. There is also a debit card option that will continue to help you save and invest even further when you spend. Plus no minimum balance and overdraft fees. Now for the cherry on top. They have partnered with 250plus companies and brands and growing with their found money program to to invest back a percentage into your account with the everyday purchases when you shop, two of which you're probably listening to this right now through an Amazon or Apple device. Get started profiting from your everyday life and business simply and easily today@eainterviews.com Acorns.

Once again, that's eainterviews.com Acorns all right everyone, we're back for the imperfect action round. Dr. Wayne, are you ready to take imperfect action?

I love that I talk about perfection. Again, back to my book, choosing your power. I talk about perfection and imperfection and how people have flaws and what I call the Perfect flaw. That's what makes us human. It's awesome. So people search for perfection like it's out there. And instead of looking in the mirror and going, oh, that thing. That thing called me perfect. And always developing that thing. So developing yourself so that. That perfect flaw. Anyway, yes. Talk to me about, what are we gonna do? Rapid fire.

All right. 60 seconds or less. Imperfect action. These are steps that people can take right now to get progress in their business today. So the first question is, what is the fastest path to the cash you found in your business?

You know, the fastest path is really identifying your values now and identifying a target and determining do your current values actually match that target? So many people are like, well, I want a million dollars or I want $10 million. They're shooting for this thing when what they value is time, freedom. And the question is, do you really need a million dollars to live the life you want or $10 million, or is that it? And do you value something that is also holding you back? So the fastest way to get that is not an actual step. Like, I mean, the actual step would be go through your phone and make some calls. You know, that's a step. The first step of any of it is to make sure that your personal values are aligned with your target.

Love it. Number two, what is the biggest problem you see your prospects making and the fastest way they can fix it.

That they're living in the past and they don't know it. So a lot of times, we've always done it this way. We've always done it this way. Well, that's great. And what got you here won't get you there. So good for you. You got to this level of success. You. You got to. You stumbled, you fell, you got back up, you skinned your knee, you healed. That's awesome. Now what? And so recognizing that, what got you here? Like, well, I only know this. That's not enough to get you to the next place. You have to either learn something new or do something new. And usually it's a combination of both in order to get to the next place. So the biggest mistake is not to recognize that there's a discomfort that you have to welcome.

I like it. Number three, what have you done to maximize your customer lifetime value?

Oh, sweet. Yeah. So.

My customers become my friends, and that's really whether they are daily life friends or whether they're people that have my books or whatever I am, I'm giving to them new content. I have my Facebook page. Facebook.com WaynePernell I'm doing daily Facebook live videos. I'm giving content constantly. And when it's time for people to re engage with me and do one on one coaching or come to the Stuck at the top retreat, they will reach back out to me. But mostly it's I treat them the way I would want to be treated. Like, here's more, here's information, here's something you can use. Here's hey, I was thinking about this. Maybe this resonates with you. And so I'll give them a little something along the way. Sometimes it is a physical gift. If I know that somebody's been working on something and they could use just a little boost. Mostly it's information. Stay connected. That's the biggest thing that's good.

Like you're talking about. Keep that relationship going.

It's all about the relationship.

Well, I like your answers. And the last couple I have for you are what is the biggest book that's made the difference in your life?

There are, there are several.

The one. It's an interesting answer and, and it's a little corny. And I will tell you.

It'S not the answer you probably are thinking about or want. The book that's made the biggest impact in my life is Choosing youg Power. And it's because it's my baby. It's because it took me 40 something years to actually write it. Right. When I sat down to write it, it was about eight months to a year to actually produce it. But really to get me and my experience and my words and my essence, like everything I believe into it. So the book that made the biggest difference in my life is the first book I ever wrote. I have five books out along the way. There are other ones. Certainly there are other ones.

There are very good books out there. There's.

Boy, I Will say Think and Grow Rich is certainly a good one.

That's one of my favorites too.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all, you know, they're the magic of thinking big.

Love that one. Just recommended it to someone last week.

That's awesome. Right? So there are books out there that, that have made very positive impacts on me.

Very good.

Right. And I've got to go back to that one. It's like, oh, that's my baby.

I can definitely relate to that with the first book I did also because there's things I kept in it and everyone in the world is, oh, you should fix this, you should change it. And I'm like, nope. The other ones, I make sure it's proper. But I'm like, I'm kind of not touching this one. So I appreciate you for sharing your answers with the books. They're all good answers. Where can people find you and why don't you let them know what you have for them?

Oh, sweet. Very good. Well.

Associated with this interview is my name. You can see it. Wayne Purnell. If you go to waynepernell.com youm'll be able to look around. You'll be able to see the books, you'll be able to see the. The blogs that I write. You'll be able to see the.

So many of the resources. I have online courses as well. The blogs are free. The books are there.

The ability to work with me one on one, that's there. The ability to contact me through a contact form, that's there. If you liked some of the watchwords that I talked about and if you want to boy, my English all of a sudden stopped working.

If you want to.

Learn a little bit more about getting more solid in your relationships, I have this, this Freebie. It's a 15 page.

It's a 15 page giveaway for you that you can get@relationshiprecharge.com can you see that?

Yes. And I will make sure there's a link in the show notes also.

Good deal. If you go to relationshiprecharge.com you get a 15 page download that's that really does go into what makes a really good relationship. How do you revitalize it? And this could be with your partner or.

It could be with somebody you work with. Typically, relationship recharges has to do with your partner. And I really want you thinking about it. Think about the words you use. Think about your presence. How focused are you on them? So remember waynepernell.com and that's where you can look around and relationshiprecharge.com that's where you'll get the free 15 page guide. Seven steps to a more vital and vibrant relationship.

Excellent. Well, I appreciate it, Dr. Wayne. It's been an absolute pleasure.

It was a lot of fun, Mario. Thank you.

Yes, I know it's been a long time coming, but I'm excited to go through your free checklist report myself because I do like the watchwords and I will make sure there's a link in the show notes. So thanks for coming on. It was a pleasure having you and I'll see you soon.

Pleasure to be here. Thanks, Mario.

All right, everyone, another great episode. I'll see you on tomorrow's episode. Have a great day and God bless you.