Ep 03 How Stillness Dissolves Anxiety A Conversation with Ben Ellsworth

Welcome to Remembering the Forgotten, where we return to what the world taught you to forget. Today, I'm joined by Ben Ellsworth, someone whose life lives at the intersection of growth, connection, and genuine care. He's someone who brings people together, who listens deeply, who builds trust without performance, and who leads communities where people grow, Not just professionally, but personally. This is 2 humans in an unguarded conversation, listening past the noise and inviting you to remember who you are beneath everything you were taught to be. With that, Ben, thank you so much for joining today's show.

Absolutely. I appreciate the invitation. I look forward to our conversation, Markus.

It's my pleasure. So before we begin, when I say stillness, I don't mean peace or quiet. I mean the place in you that is untouched by pressure, noise, or performance. The place that knows before the mind thinks. That's the layer I'm inviting you to speak from today. So with that, Ben, how are you doing at the moment?

Beautifully. I feel amazing. There's so much peace and joy and harmony that just seems to be unfolding naturally. And so yeah, doing very well.

That's beautiful. So I could tell when I made the intro, there was a lot of going on in your face. There was nodding, there was confirmation. So stillness— where in your life do you meet that place most clearly? You know, the part of you untouched by everything the world asks you to be?

That is a really profound question. I think the best way for me to answer that is to share an experience just from this morning.

Please.

And so I'll go into a little bit of a story, but then I'll come back to the stillness. So about 6 months ago, there was significant job change in my world, and to the tune of about a $60,000 a year pay decrease. And so even though, you know, the bills are taken care of and things are okay and it's starting to improve significantly, but that, you know, can cause a lot of stress. And I woke up this morning to the alarm. I had overslept by about 14 minutes and I finally, you know, woke up and turned off the alarm. And what I noticed was this anxiety about money, you know, Christmas time and gifts and all these things that we've got to do. So As I went down and poured my coffee and then came back upstairs to the office to sit in my, my chair, the question popped up, what is it that's aware of this anxiety? And as you had just mentioned, Markus, about, you know, that part of us that's untouched by thought, by word, you know, by concept, that's what I experienced was just this pure stillness, this It's formless, it's wordless, it's— I mean, it's ineffable in reality. But as I returned to that place, what I noticed was that, you know, what we call anxiety just dissolved on its own. There was just—

What do you think was the key to that?

What I see is, you know, and I'm going to use a scripture from from the New Testament when Jesus said, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." That's what I is. That's what it is to me. Is like I return to that stillness. That is the truth of what I am, and in in that space, like inherent in that, is freedom. Is Is that peace? You know, it's like, it's not even— I don't know, it's just, it's hard to say because words can only point to it. They can't ever really encapsulate it.

Can I ask something to that?

Peace is what I am, right?

Can I add something to that?

Yeah, please.

If you live in the past, you are never. If you live in the future, you are neither. If you are in the present moment, you are. So guess what that means? Stillness is being in the present moment.

Yeah.

In the present moment, you cannot have fear because the past doesn't interfere and the future is not here, might never come. And here you're breathing, You're alive right now. You don't need money. So I always say if someone manages to go into that freedom and then starts looking at all the challenges that are ahead, that's actually when the real fun begins.

Yeah. Yeah.

So you see, the fear always is past and future.

Yeah.

And at the end of the day, you left zero. You just existed in the past and in the future.

Well, what was interesting about this morning's experience too, was I then from that space of stillness, I was able to ask myself, well, then what is anxiety? And it's like I was experiencing directly what you just said about, you know, the past and the future and fear. And it was like that anxiety, realizing that it was really just a thought. And I was projecting into the future. It's like, that's when it dissolved, right? And I was able to just be that stillness that I am.

It's beautiful. You mentioned fear. And you know me, even in English, which is not my first language, I love languages. And there is an acronym for fear. If you don't know it already, then I recommend you note it down because it will be beautiful for your future. The F stands for false. The E stands for evidence. The A stands for appearing. And the R stands for real. False, evidence, appearing, real.

Yeah.

If you don't catch it within 3 seconds, you're cooked.

Yeah.

Because fake news becomes reality for your mind.

Yeah.

You see, when I talk with people, then people often feel like, why do you have to be so precise? It's simply because the human being is a machine, is an organism. And that machine, believe me, is probably the most precise organism that exists. So that's why these 3 seconds are so incredibly important. Within 3 seconds, you can stop all the programming in you to come alive. So it's interesting when you feel an urge to do something or to say something, when you wait for 3 seconds, that's when the initial kicking ceases. And the same thing is when fear comes and you say to it, you know what, is this really real? That's all it takes. Is this really real? Or is it false evidence appearing real? That's when the censor stops mid-sentence. And that's when you have then time to actually look at it and say, okay, am I actually dealing with anxiety now? Which wouldn't even have to be. So you know me, I say, why would I deal with something that appears to be real if I can actually, you know, unguise it and say, you know what, no, this is not real. This is something up in my mind.

Yeah.

So how did it play out in the end?

Basically exactly as you're, as you're describing it. I literally just watched this anxiety dissolve through the realization that I ultimately, I lack nothing. It I'm just remembering right now how beautiful that experience was. It was like it was a sudden shift from no peace to peace. But it wasn't anything that I did. All I did was see through the illusion. And the end result was so amazing. And, and it's so amazing because like, then As I was resting in that stillness, all of these ideas started popping into my head about things that I can do, who I can connect with, you know, people I haven't talked to in years started coming to my mind and started scheduling appointments and all these things. And it's like all of the necessary actions to take just kind of evolved or unfolded naturally out of that stillness. So there was no anxiety. There was just peace. And solutions to the perceived problem just started to present themselves on their own.

Isn't that beautiful? This is an absolutely high example for stillness, man. Because, you know, when you speak to people about stillness, They become very solemn. They go almost into holiness. And you experience, no, stillness is the opposite. All the BS gets removed. Everything that appeared to be real gets unguised or whatever, you know, the opposite of disguising. What is the opposite of disguise, by the way?

That's a good question. I don't know.

But you understand what I mean? It's the opposite of disguise, right? But you basically say, okay, it's in disguise and then I just, you know, unearth it, whatever you do. Let's call it unguise. For us, it's unguise.

Sure. Okay.

So when you do that, you suddenly realize the natural you starts flowing. So now what I what I really recommend to do is that you take that feeling and make this your new baseline. Because, you know, people will say, now, okay, so okay, when I get into this situation, then I remember. No, why the heck should you even get into this situation when you can program yourself on that resolution? Because you will see every single time when this little censor is coming, you will be tempted to go back into the old. But that little programming kicks in, says, Ben, how did that feel last time? Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Right? Because you see, what's interesting, the second question is actually exactly about what we just talked. Because you felt something in you knew actually what was true. And it was the opposite of the world, of what the world talks about stillness. You became active. In you, it got activated, solution-oriented. Hmm. So usually, if it was a meditation retreat, you would have returned And maybe the next day or the day after, you would have gone into creative solution mode. But stillness means everything calms down. And you suddenly start seeing, like, it's almost like someone takes a veil away from you. Did that feel like that a little bit?

Absolutely. And as you're saying that, I just keep remembering our very first conversation from 3 weeks ago. And, and it was so profound and so enlightening. And I remember I went on a walk with my wife that night. We took the dog out, and I told her it was like it was like ten hours after you and I originally talked. And I said, "There's just this presence that I just feel like it's still here." And what I've noticed is since that time, in the few weeks since that time, is that still here. And so that is becoming my baseline. And I think that that's why I was able to start there and ask the question. You know, what is it that's aware of the anxiety? And and that's what kind of just kicked off the entire thing. And and again, that I think that's one of the things that was so profound is that I wasn't just doing nothing. There was still activity going on, but it was from this. It was— there was a completely different shift, you know. And so it was like, but it was just everything was operating out of peace, you know. And, and like I said, it just kind of unfolded naturally, and I didn't have to, you know, quote unquote, do anything. It just happened. And, and I do see that that's, that's the natural state, right? Like, like you and I talked about last time too, um, And I— the reason that this was so profound is because I was doing this. You mentioned there's a lot of people who, who mistake silence for stillness, and I was one of those people. And I've really kind of dived into that to explore that, and I see that stillness is what I am. It's like the ground of being, and silence is what resides or rises within the stillness. Right. But then you mentioned too that you can be active and still at the same time. And that's what this morning's experience was, was like this activity going on from the stillness. And the results of that were just absolutely perfect and in alignment with the truth of, you know, who I am.

You see, what's interesting, um, let me maybe take a little bit apart, because I think it's important. I recommend to separate stillness from silence. Because silence is something that happens in your mind when you calm your mind when you go into meditation. But you're not in stillness because of that. Hmm. So when you go into stillness, what actually happens is You become coherent. And coherent means so within, so without.

Yeah.

Or as other people say, what you say is who you are, and who you are is what you say. Right?

Yeah.

So what's interesting, when you mentioned after our first conversation, like, and think about that, 10 hours it lasted in you. Now I say something which might surprise you, Ben. I could now say, you know what, Markus, you are a guru. Ben came to you and you gave him something and he took it within. And because of you, he has it. You know what I'm doing? The opposite.

Yeah.

When you met me, you felt something in me, stillness. And guess what? You remembered in that moment. Wait, I feel lonely. So what I'm doing is basically activating and providing the room for you to at once become richly silent enough mind-wise, because it's almost like, remember, like when we met, it's almost like your mind went kind of blank. And it went way deeper.

Yeah.

And that is exactly what happens. Because you will see it will last in the future way longer than 10 hours. Because you realize it has nothing to do with the conversation. The conversation is basically a reminder that you have it in you. This is why I love these conversations, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

So you have it. in you, it got activated in you. So you found the existence of your own stillness. And now, with, you know, staying with it, it becomes more and more your modus operandi. Because let's be honest, what is stillness really? Stillness is your Or if you talk about the operating system, stillness is your operating system, by the way. So what we desperately try to believe that exists is basically who you are. It's basically who you are before the world told you who you had to become. You heard that quite often out of my mouth, I know.

Yeah.

But that's exactly what it is. It's to remember who you were before the world told you who you had to become. Stillness.

Yeah.

And in that stillness, you dive into coherence. And in that coherence is when you meet yourself. Which for most people is extremely overwhelming in the beginning.

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Yeah. Well, and I'm just thinking back on that. And what made it possible for me is because that's how you live. That's your way of being. And even though, you know, we're on 2 opposite ends of the country, I could feel your presence Even through a Zoom call, and it's what enabled me to remember that and to return to that myself. And so, that's one of the things I'm most grateful for is just connecting with you. And because that's your way of being, that's what really allowed me to rest in that same stillness in that space, and then to remember that this is who and what I really am.

So that's exactly it. And, you know, that's, by the way, is the main reason for my show, because I just realized, goodness me, this is the best way and the easiest way, the most economic way to get into people's households and they can experience what stillness is firsthand.

Yeah.

Imagine if I would do a solo show on stillness. I will be a guru within no time. Yeah. And I'm the absolute opposite. So conversations like ours actually make people experience what stillness is.

Yeah.

That's exactly, that's exactly what it comes down to. Let me just see for a second here. So I want to be mindful of our time. Yeah. But yeah, this is an interesting one. So after that 10 hours, I assume you went quite back into your current programming. Because it wanes kind of off, right? What has challenged your inner quiet the most? That's the first question. Like, when did you feel it? And what helped you restore it? Because we haven't spoken since.

Yeah, that's a good question. Wow. I would say it actually lasted a few days, that, that peace, that stillness. But then, you know, when, when rent starts coming due, or there's bills that need to come, come up, or as you had mentioned in the intro, I run like meetup groups, and mastermind groups all geared around stillness and spirituality and things like that. And The questions started coming up like, how do I get more clients, right? How do I get more meetup members, things like that? And what was interesting is, is in those few days after talking with you the first time, the meetup group started growing on their own. The mastermind group started growing on their own. People were coming to me and asking to join, and I wasn't doing any marketing or sales or anything, right? It just was happening. And then as soon as I left that space, that's when the panic starts to kick in. Oh, I need a marketing strategy. I need, you know, sales techniques and all these things, and everything dries up.

Yeah.

And so then simply remembering and going back to that stillness and that peace that I felt in our conversation, that has— it's like those results are coming Naturally, again, just out of that, right? So now one of my meetup groups that when we first talked was less than 20 people is now at 35 members. And it's growing, right? And then out of those— thank you— out of those, out of those group members, that's where individual coaching clients come from.

Yeah,

right. And so again, I'm not having to do anything. I'm not doing any meditation techniques or marketing strategies or sales techniques, any of that stuff. It's just returning to

that

simple.

Why do you think that is? Because I can tell you, many people who listen to this episode will say, goodness me, I wish to just have peace one moment. It's impossible to run a business without marketing, without advertisement, without money. Absolutely impossible. How is it possible? What do you think, in your opinion?

I think it goes back to what you said a few minutes ago about coherence, you know, as within. So without, right?

You see, the craziness has been— sorry when I interrupt you for a moment, but this is important.

It's all good.

People, people believe it's all about the mind. What the mind conceives will be. Marketing, mind. Advertisement, mind. Networking, mind. Guess what? We are focusing and working on frequency. We are working on energy, on coherence. So guess what? When you are in the right state, you want to attract and be open for the right people for your organization. Those frequencies, they waves and travel. That's what most people, you know, focus, focus. Or you know, rara vuvu stuff. No, it's science.

Yeah,

I told you, I am the last one who is a guru. I'm the last one who believes in magic. I'm the one who believes in science because that is science. Speak to a scientist and he will tell you, Ben, if people knew how much our energy actually works against us. So if you turn that around, it would work for us. So it makes total sense. Literally, your fields sent out that message of coherence. Other people who needed that coherence in their distress heard that signal. And of course they flocked to you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. Absolutely. So it is, it is coherence. So we are getting to the end of our show, Ben. So here is one thing I would like from you. If someone listening has lost themselves in the noise of life, what is one truth you would want them to remember after today?

One of the things that I practice myself, and it's, it's what helps me to, uh, return and remain in the stillness, is simply asking myself, who am I? And I know that there's a lot of, you know, um, quote unquote spiritual connotations around that. You know, the Buddhists call it the Zen koans and things like that. It's like none of that matters. It's just a simple return to the truth of who and what I am. Who am I? And what I've found is that there's really no answer, no clear answer to that. That's just a really good way. It's like a nice big pair of scissors that just cuts through the illusion and returns me to that stillness that I am. So, you know, I don't need to come up with an answer, who am I, because those are just more thoughts, more concepts, and those will just take me out of that coherence. But just simple, who am I, even in the midst of chaos or calm or, you know, distortion, whatever it is, that will just cut through that illusion and return me to the stillness of what I am.

I'd love to add a blessing to that. It's beautiful. Your question is, who am I?

Yeah.

The answer is, I am.

Yes, yes. Beautiful. Yes,

I am.

I am.

So with that, thank you for this conversation, Ben, and may you carry the stillness you met here into whatever comes next.

Thank you, brother. Appreciate you very much.

So this was Remembering the Forgotten, where we return to what the world taught you to forget.