Why Men Need to Understand Menopause (And How to Actually Show Up)

Here's something that's been bothering me. We teach teenage boys about periods. We explain the basics. We tell them it's normal, it's biology, be respectful. Fine. But then we send the same boys into adulthood with absolutely zero understanding of menopause. And 30 years later, they're sitting across from their partner or their colleague or their mum, watching someone they care about go through one of the most significant transitions of their life. And they've got nothing. No framework, no language, no clue. And here's the worst part. They think it's not their problem to understand. So today we're going to fix that. As a brief disclaimer before we go any further, a quick reminder. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and coach. I'm not a doctor. Nothing I say is medical advice. If you or someone you care about is struggling with menopause symptoms, see a healthcare professional. Right, let's dive in. So what is menopause? Here's the basics you should have learnt. Let's start with what menopause actually is, because most men genuinely don't know. Menopause is the permanent end of menstruation. It's diagnosed after 12 consecutive months without a period. The average age is 51, but it can happen earlier, can happen later. And the bit that actually causes all the chaos? That's perimenopause, the transition phase that can last anywhere from a few months to 10 years before menopause itself. During perimenopause, hormone levels, mainly oestrogen and progesterone, start fluctuating wildly. And I mean wildly. It's not a gentle decline. It's a rollercoaster. One day oestrogen is high, the next day it crashes. The body's trying to recalibrate and it's really tough. Messy. So what does that look like in practice? Hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, brain fog, anxiety, depression, joint pain, weight gain, especially around the middle, loss of libido, vaginal dryness, mood swings, fatigue, heart palpitations. And here's the kicker— these symptoms can be really severe. We're not talking about a bit tired, slightly warm, generally irritable. We're talking about waking up Drenched in sweat 3 times a night for months. We're talking about standing in a meeting and suddenly forgetting the word you were about to say. We're talking about feeling like a stranger in your own body. Now here's what I want you to notice. I just listed 12 symptoms. How many of these did you know about before today? If you're like most men, maybe 2 or 3. And that's the problem. Why this ignorance is hurting everybody, not just women. So why does this matter? Why do men need to understand menopause? There's 3 reasons. First, your partner. If you're in a relationship with a woman approaching or going through menopause, your ignorance is making it hard for her. Not because you're a bad person, but because you don't have the information to show up properly. When she says she's exhausted, you might think she's just stressed. When she snaps at you, you might think she's being unreasonable. When she says she's not in the mood for sex, you might take it personally. When she's struggling to concentrate, you might think she's not trying hard enough. But if you understand what's happening biologically, if you know that her brain chemistry is literally in flux, that she's not sleeping because of night sweats, that her hormones are causing genuine physical and emotional distress— You can respond with compassion instead of defensiveness. You could say, what do you need right now? Instead of, why are you being like this? And that's the difference between being a supportive partner and being part of the problem. Second, your workplace. Menopause isn't just a home issue, it's a workplace issue. Women going through menopause are often at the peak of their careers. They're senior managers, executives, business owners, and they've got decades of experience. Many of them are suffering in silence because workplaces don't talk about menopause. There's no policy, no flexibility, no understanding. So what happens? Women start making themselves smaller. They stop going for promotions. They reduce their hours. Some leave their jobs entirely. Not because they want to, but because they can't cope with the symptoms and the lack of support at the same time. If you're a male manager, colleague, or business owner, your ignorance about menopause is costing you talent. It's costing your organisation experience. And it's costing women their careers. Third, society. Here's the big picture. Menopause affects roughly half the population. It's not a niche issue. It's not optional. And yet we've created a culture where it's treated as shameful, invisible, something women should just get on with. And men have been complicit in that silence, not out of malice, out of discomfort and ignorance. But silence doesn't help anyone. It just means women suffer alone. It means younger women aren't prepared. It means men feel awkward and useless when someone they care about is struggling. So if we want a society where women are genuinely supported, not just in theory but in practice, men need to educate themselves. Because you can't support what you don't understand. How to actually show up. Some practical steps. Right, so what do you actually do with this information? Let me give you 5 practical things you can start doing today. Number 1, educate yourself beyond this podcast. I've given you the basics, but there's a lot more to learn. Read a book. Listen to a woman talking about their experiences. Understand that every woman's menopause is different. So some sail through it. Others have a nightmare. Don't assume you know what someone's going through just because you've heard one story. 2, create space for conversation. If you're in a relationship, ask your partner if she just wants to talk about where she is with menopause. Not in a weird clinical way, just, hey, I've been learning about menopause. Is that something you're thinking about? How can I support you? And then, this is key, listen without trying to fix it. You're not a doctor, you're not a problem solver in this situation. You're a witness. And your job is to make her feel heard, not to have all the answers. 3. Notice the practical stuff. Is the bedroom too warm? Offer to get a fan or change the bedding. Is she exhausted? Take something off her plate without being asked. Is she struggling with brain fog? Write things down, send reminders. Don't make her feel stupid for forgetting things. These aren't grand gestures. They're small, practical acts of care, and they matter. 4. If you're a manager or business owner, implement menopause-friendly policies. Flexible working hours, temperature control in the office, access to quiet spaces, time off for appointments, and normalise talking about it. If your workplace can talk about mental health, it can talk about menopause. 5. Challenge the silence. If you hear a joke about menopause, don't laugh. If you hear someone dismissing a woman's symptoms, push back. If you're in a conversation where menopause is being treated as a punchline or a problem women should deal with, say something. Because the more men treat menopause as normal, as a biological fact that deserves understanding and support, the easier it becomes. Why this matters to you personally. Look, I know some of you might be thinking, this is all well and good, Martin, but why should I care? I'm not going through menopause. And you're right, you're not. But if you care about women— your partner, your mum, your sister, your colleagues, your friends— then you care about menopause because it's going to affect someone you love, if it hasn't already. And here's the other thing. This isn't just about being a good person. It's about being effective in your relationships and your life. If the people around you are struggling and you don't understand why, you're going to misinterpret their behavior. You're going to take things personally that aren't about you, and you're going to create unnecessary conflict. But if you understand what's happening, if you have the framework, you can show up with empathy. You can be the person they rely on. You can strengthen your relationship instead of damaging them. through ignorance. That's not charity. That's enlightened self-interest. In finishing, so here's where we land. Menopause isn't a women's issue. It's a human issue. And men have a responsibility to understand it. Not as experts, but as allies. You don't need to know everything. You don't need to have all the answers. You just need to give a damn. Educate yourself. Ask questions. Listen. Show up. Because the women in your life, your partners, your colleagues, They're not asking for perfection. They're asking for understanding. And that's something you can absolutely provide. If this resonated with you, subscribe to the Martin Pavion Podcast wherever you're listening. New episodes drop twice a week. I'd love to hear from you. How has menopause affected your life or relationships? What questions do you have? Send me an email. I read every single one. And if you're navigating a major transition, whether that's menopause, a relationship crossroads, career change, or something else entirely, and you want to explore how coaching and hypnotherapy can help, visit martinpavion.com for a free 20-minute clarity call. Let's talk about where you are and where you want to be. I'm Martin Pavion. Thanks for listening. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.