202: Manifest like a mother, ft. Francesca Amber

Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Connie Crystals, the podcast. I am buzzing for today's guest because she's someone that we all know and love. She's been on the podcast before. And it's not very often that I get the same guests on twice, but there is method behind the madness. So you might know her as the voice behind the Law of Attraction Changed My Life podcast, or maybe you've already pre-ordered her brand new book, Manifest Like a Mother, which by the way is absolutely brilliant. It's raw, it's relatable, and there's some real life manifestation in there at its finest. She's honest, hilarious, and unapologetically herself. And what I love about her is that she takes all of the fluff out of manifestation and she makes it actually doable, even if you're sleep deprived, juggling life, or wondering where the hell your morning routine went. So whether you're a mum or not, her approach is all about reclaiming your power in the chaos and creating a life that actually feels good. So please give a very warm welcome to my very good friend, Miss Francesca. Amber is on the show. Hiya, pet. How are you doing?

Why, aye, pet, I'm back. I'm back after— how many years has it been since we did that initial— remember when we couldn't figure out how to do it? So, Mart ambushed my house. We'd never met, and he just turns up with a bottle of wine or vodka. I don't remember what it was. Champagne? It was something.

It was champagne and some balloons because it was your second podcast birthday.

I had no idea it was my podcast birthday, so he just came with this big number 2 balloon, and I was like, what's going on? What's happening? And then we recorded an episode of our podcast each day, and that was years ago, and a friendship blossomed ever since.

And we couldn't even figure out how to use, uh, recording software, so you sat in the kitchen and I sat in your living room front window.

Traveled to podcast together and then did it in separate rooms because we were fucking idiots and could not fit. And do you know what, 5 years later I think we still can't figure it out, can we?

No, I've still never done a live podcast in the same room as somebody else. I know you have, but yeah, I still can't figure it out.

They do it, Mark. One day we will. Oh, actually, Mark, one day we will record an episode together because guess what, bitches? Happy Place Festival at Tatten Park. Mart and I are— oh shit, this might have actually come out later than that. Or maybe it'll come out before. Whatever phase of time we're in— time is just a social construct— Mart and I will be on the main stage. The main stage, no less. Can we just appreciate? At Happy Place Festival at Tatton Park. So we will finally get our moment. Maybe we'll ask the producers there, like, how the fuck do you make that happen?

You're like, time is just a construct. That's very Mariah Carey. Well done. Now, Fran, I have just finished reading your book a couple of days ago, and I absolutely loved it. And as I was just saying to you, someone on Facebook this morning said to me something along the lines of, "I'm not yet in my motherhood phase. Will this book be relatable to me?" And I just thought, well, yeah, Fran is just using the context of motherhood because that's exactly what she's been through. That's her experience. But in actual fact, there are so many of us, isn't there, like, on the planet that we are basically— we haven't got that headspace, we haven't got that time. You know, we are looking for little short things that we can already fit into our working day. And I know that you've said that yourself, this book isn't about adding more to a mum's already full plate, but more about rearranging it. So talk us through about like what that looks like in practice, how manifestation can integrate into that daily chaos rather than feeling like another task on the to-do list.

So you're right, it actually could apply to anyone. False advertising. Manifest Like a Mother— change that to Manifest Like a Motherfucker if you like— it really can apply to anyone. Everyone is feeling more overwhelmed and stressed out and burnt out than ever before. We are living in an era, and it freaks me out, where we are being harvested every day for our time and our attention through our phones. And it is a multi-billion dollar industry. So even if you don't have children, you are likely finding yourself with less time and energy for your own life because of that, right? So, but I also It is for the mums. Shout out to the mums, because I've been reading self-development books one a month for 5 goddamn years. How many books is that, Mark? Quick maths, 5 times 12, it's a lot. It's about 100 books. I'm gonna say it's not 75, 60. Is it 60?

It feels like 5 times 12 is 60.

Yeah, okay, 60. That's a lot of fucking books, right? And I quickly realized that a lot of manifestation books, a lot of books that are teaching you how to live your best life, create the life of your dreams, not one of these fuckers mentions childcare, unpaid labor that is simply running a home. Like, running a home is like a full-time job these days. Have you been on the phone to the local council? It takes hours. So none of these books mention this. So while it's lovely to say you have to wake up in the morning at 5:00 AM, meditate, journal, look out at the sunrise and fucking it ain't happening. It ain't happening. Because for the majority of us, we still then have to face our everyday reality, which is quite frankly relentless. Relentless. I never realized how big an issue laundry would be in my life. Laundry for 4 humans in my house, it's a relentless task. And so a lot of people say to me, oh, I started listening to your podcast and I love it. The Law of Attraction is working for me. It's incredible. 'But then my child got sick,' or, um, you know, 'School started, so I had to do the school runs,' or whatever it might be. 'I had a baby, so now isn't the time for me to manifest.' And I just thought, what a sad story. What a sad story that all these women are feeling like they are failing and that they can't manifest the life that they want because they can't keep up to these fucking ridiculous routines. Do you remember there was like that moment— was it Orlando Bloom who released his daily routine? Do you remember that, years ago? No, when it was like I wake up at 5 AM, I take a sauna, then I go in an ice bath, then I go out in the garden and I ground myself, then I write 100 things I'm thankful for, then I have— and it was like this fucking list, and everyone ripped the piss out of it because they were like, who's got the fucking time? And so my mission was fucking clear. I was like, I need to create a book, and this was my one objective, right? Every single thing I included in that book, I did not want someone to read it and for it to add to their overwhelm. I did not want that. So there was no added extras. It was literally, this is your life and how can you transform what's already there to make it work for you? Because I've got news, and it's good news, bitches, get excited. I had the biggest metamorphosis of my life when I was in my busiest mothering era. I'd lost my business, I was stuck at home with newborn babies that were just sucking the life out of me, literally and mentally, and And it was fucking hard, and I was in that mothering era, and I managed to transform every area of my life. So good news is it can be done, and it doesn't need to add a shit ton of other stuff to your daily to-do list, because fuck that, truly. Fuck it.

I was going to say, there's a— there is a photo— I was going to say doing its rounds on the internet, but it's just an old profile photo of yours where you— I think you've just got hold of the twins in someone's back garden. And honestly, when I look at that picture, I'm like, that is not the Fran that I know. You you're so gaunt, you're so skinny. You know exactly which photo I'm talking about.

Skinny? That's not you.

Rude.

That is me, Mart.

I mean, like, you are literally so gaunt because literally those children were sucking the life out of you.

My sister used to call me Skeletor.

There you go. I think when I first met you as well, you were honestly like a bag of bones. And I'm not meaning this like in a nasty way, but it just like, it didn't look as healthy and as glowing as you are now. See, I'm pulling it back. But your story obviously starts at rock bottom, doesn't it? You were single, you were newly pregnant with twins, you had no income, we went into the lockdown, you had postnatal depression. But I think yet from that place you created a podcast, a business, and your dream life ultimately. So what were the first mindset shifts or actions that really helped you believe that change was possible? And how can other mothers out there find that spark in their own darkest moments as well?

I think this is going to be pretty boring because it's nothing new and revolutionary, but it's remembering, remembering what you already know. I feel like in my life I've had a lot of, um, evolutions, right? Like my situation has changed, whether I've been like a single girl living in the city, getting married and moving to the country, getting divorced and like having that whole era, whatever it is, I've always managed to form it into something that is amazing. So when I first got divorced, I moved back to London, and the reality was I lived in a one-bedroom flat with my daughter above a pub, right? We shared a bed, we shared a wardrobe. You could say that was pretty fucking grim, and there were parts of it that were incredibly hard work, but I grew to love that life. I opened a beauty salon, I worked for myself, I worked with incredible people. I used to chill out in the mornings with my daughter at Shoreditch House on the rooftop pool, do you know what I mean? Like, and then I bought my second home. I loved that life. I loved it. I was a single mum. I wasn't the richest, but I had a very rich life. But when that pandemic happened, I was fucking blindsided because I bought this second home, and then all of a sudden I was trapped in it. I was trapped in it. It was horrible. An old lady had died in it, God rest her soul, but her decorating was shit. All of her carpets were like this old dirty brown carpets. The kitchen had a mold problem, and they would— you'd literally find like a slug climbing up the wall. Like, it was disgusting. I'm not exaggerating. And I found myself being this like London girl going backwards and forwards, working in my salon, to suddenly being trapped in this shitty little house, which I actually grew to love, in this shitty little village— well, which I've still kind of grown to love a little bit, but in a completely new place, pregnant with twins, which I've always been very honest about. I did not want twins. I did not want 3 children. That was a big blow for me. And single and no income. Everything that I'd loved about my life was gone, and I found myself just every single day being in the same 4 walls, literally just doing the same shit. And I completely forgot that I was a powerful manifester. I completely forgot. I literally was in a race to the bottom every day. My little fun— my little fun game with myself is let me compare myself to my friends. That was my game. And I would look and I'd say, you're okay, you are in, in a house— what was it called? Isolating. You're isolating with other adults, you're all playing board games at night, you're having a laugh, you're okay. You've got a husband that's supporting you, so you're okay. You're on fucking furlough, so don't you complain. I looked at everyone and I was in a race to the bottom. You're not pregnant, You're not single, you're not alone, you've not lost your business. I was literally in a race to the bottom. And then one day I just suddenly thought, I'm a fucking manifester. And I genuinely had forgotten. I'd forgotten that I could do it. And I just thought, I wonder if I can manifest out of the darkest place in my life. And I think this is important for people to remember as well, is like, when things feel really hopeless, it can be hard. All I'd ever known really was to earn money from doing lashes, from doing tans, and from Airbnb in my flat. That's how I earn all my money. And all of those income streams were virtually illegal. You couldn't do it. So all the ways I'd known how to earn money, you couldn't fucking do it. It was impossible. And so it took extreme belief, and I knew that the only way I could hold myself accountable was to share it. So originally, fun fact, this was actually an Instagram Live. My podcast was an Instagram Live because everyone was doing it, right? Joe and I fucking hated it because I had to put makeup on and I was like, nah. Um, and so I turned it into a podcast and it held me accountable. And so many people from those lockdown days— I feel like I'm gonna cry— but like, they say, your podcast like saved my life. And I'm like, no, like, you guys listening to it saved mine. Like, that podcast, doing that, saved my life. And it reminded me of everything that I was able to do that I just I'd forgotten it. I'd just forgotten it all.

And you say in your book as well, don't you, that we don't attract what we want, we attract what we are. And I know for you, you obviously felt exhausted, disconnected from yourself, and probably overwhelmed by all your parenthood responsibilities. And I think a lot of people can connect with that as well, because a lot of people will be going through that, especially during the pandemic as well. But how can someone start becoming that next level version of themselves without actually faking it or feeling delusional?

Then the good news is the more you hate your life, the more of a powerful manifester you will be. I have been the most powerful in my manifesting when I've hated my life. Either I've been stuck in a 9-to-5 job for years— the best years of my life, goddammit— and just doing a 4-hour commute every day and just escaping through visualization every day because I hated my reality. The same happened in this lockdown. I've been very open and honest about this. I sometimes worry about what my daughters will think when they're older, but I— then I remember that they too will probably be mothers, and I think it's very important to be honest about these things. I did not bond to those babies straight away. There was probably a year where I, I felt like I was looking after someone else's children, and that is soul-destroying to go through, to feel like you are in permanent service— and it does feel permanent at the time— of these babies that I didn't feel like were mine. That is called postnatal depression. When you're in a pandemic, no one diagnoses that shit. And so my way to cope with it and to deal with it was to dissociate and to escape through visualization. And I absolutely threw myself into what do I want to become, how do I want my life to look. And I visualized every single one and manifested every single aspect of my life from that point of like absolute brokenness, including including wanting to bond with those babies. Now I can't stop crying because they start school in September, and I'm like, no, I want them back. Like, I love them more than life itself. But it really came from that point of just wanting to escape my reality. So I don't know, I feel like if you are at rock bottom— you don't even need to be rock bottom— if you're in a bit of a shitty place, and also if you're a bit bored— being bored is fantastic. We don't allow ourselves to be bored enough anymore because we're always looking at our fucking phones. But if you allow yourself to be bored and to visualize and create in your mind. You are able to do so much from very simple strategies, things like visualization, things like EFT. These things all work. I listened to a podcast a little while ago, and it was a guy who'd written a book called Learn Less Achieve More, or something like that. I always get names wrong. Hold on, sorry, my nose is like running because I cry 5 times.

Oh.

So yeah, it's called Learn Less, Live More. Learn Less, Achieve More, whatever it was fucking called, you get the vibe. And it was so— potentially, okay, potentially. And it was so interesting. He said everything you want to learn to like create your dream life and to be the most successful, he's like, you likely already know it. You already know it. You don't need to listen to 3 informational podcasts per week. You don't need to read all these different books. You already know. And so the consistency of showing up every day and visualizing, creating your dream future, getting clear on what it is— it sounds boring and it sounds basic, but it really, really works. People already know.

I was going to say, because like you said earlier, most manifestation books tend to focus on early morning routines and learn hours of silence. And I mean, you've brilliantly called these out as unrealistic for most parents, because I mean, it's not just about mothers, like I'm a dad, you know what I mean? Jake's 18 months old now. Now that he's on his feet and walking around and he's into everything, you, you'll know what that stage is like. You literally cannot control him, you can't take your eyes off him. And I mean, what do you think are some of the kind of mum-proof manifestation tools or rituals that you could actually use, and why do you think they work so well?

So what I've tried to do in the book is kind of transform self-development and manifestation from something that you try and sneak into your day while you distract your child with an iPad or something into rituals that you embrace into your life with your children there. So it doesn't matter whether they're there or not. In fact, if your children are there, they're more likely to keep you accountable to it. So it's really simple things, right? Like in the morning, we all know that waking up in the morning and writing a gratitude list absolutely will change your life. That's another thing that sounds really simple, sounds really shit, doesn't it? But actually, if you genuinely did that for a month, you would absolutely transform your life. However, there are many, many mornings when I wake up and the first thing I hear is, Mommy, yeah, let me go downstairs, down the stairs, I want cocoa pot. They start whining at me from the second I wake up. One's awake, one's doing this, one's doing that, come to the toilet with me, If I based my life on the traditional kind of techniques, right, I would wake up and within 5 minutes I'd felt like I'd failed already because I'm not able to sit down and write a gratitude list. So instead, I've transformed it into something different. So now I say, come on, let's go downstairs. I put on my speaker and I say, right, play a song. And it's one of about 5 songs I find very, very powerful, all songs that say the word thank you in them a lot. Songs about gratitude. Eternal, I Am Blessed, that's great if you are struggling to feel grateful for your children if they're like testing you. Um, Beth Hart, Thankful, that's amazing about just being thankful for life. One of my favorites is Phil Collins, Another Day in Paradise. If you're having a shit day, well, it makes you realize like, I'm literally living someone's paradise. Like, I'm not homeless, I'm not hungry, I'm not living in war. How fucking incredible. So I put those songs on, and as I'm making breakfast for my children— no extra time— I am singing that, that those words of gratitude out into the universe. Now, I don't know about you, but the idea of writing down your gratitude, I find it difficult to feel the gratitude as I'm writing it down. It feels forced. So then saying it out loud, quite, quite powerful. To singing along with Eternal, I am blessed, the love of my child, like that to me is far more powerful. I will often end up crying most mornings in gratitude, and that is not trying to hide it from your children and saying, oh, just go over there, I'm trying to do it a minute. You're involving them in it, you're showing them this is the way to live. So that's one thing I love to do. Um, something else I do is called Crafting Your Vision. So this is an absolute hack. So my children, all they want to do is sit and colour and craft and paint. And I fucking hate it. Like, it just gets boring, right? And when you've got a million other things to do, you can't help but think, I don't have time to sit here and do painting for the fifth time this week. And so a long time ago, I discovered I could turn this round to my advantage. So I'd say, okay, cool, let's sit down and paint. I'm gonna paint my own one, don't get involved. And I would paint over and over and over again my dream house, and I would paint it with a beautiful central window, like an arched window. I'd paint with a pool in the background. I'd paint all these things. And guess what, bitches? Is I'm sitting in that goddamn house now, but I'd painted it 100 times before. So if your children— look, all they want you to do is sit there and be present with them. That's all they want. They don't want you to be tidying up or on your phone whilst they're doing it. They want you to be sitting there and doing it with them. So why not sit there and think, what do I want to create in my life? Is it my dream body? Is it my perfect car? Is it a lovely holiday? You could paint a beach with like a sunset. I did that the other day. We had a coloring book and there was a page that was a table set with a bottle of red wine and a sunset overlooking the ocean. And I was like, I'm going to Majorca next week and I want to sit with my mum with a bottle of red wine overlooking the ocean. And so I'm putting my intention into it. Now, my children, they just think, Mommy's being fucking amazing today. She's sitting with us, she's drawing with us. She's not busy. She's not trying to tidy up. It's a fucking genius hack, Mart.

It is. It's really, really good. And I think something else that you've managed to hack lately as well is you got yourself a dog. And obviously your goal for this year was health as well. That was one of your models at the start of the year. Obviously a dog is getting you out with your girls, out for a walk, and getting your steps in as well. So that's kind of another hack, wasn't it?

It is, but she's also the bane of my life. She's a lovely dog. Do you know what people keep saying to me? I think you're like a Chihuahua influencer because I will not stop banging on about how amazing Chihuahuas are. Guys, if you're listening and you want a dog but you don't want the responsibility or like being tied down by a dog, get It's so much easier. They don't need much walking. You can take them anywhere with you. I love it. But she recently had her first period, and let me tell you, Lord help me, cyclical living. She is like a different dog. She's waking up at 5 AM barking. She's mental. She's like whining all the time. I have to remember all of my daughters are going to go through this, so this is like my test. Do you know what I mean?

I'm confused. Dogs have periods?

Mart, all animals in the world have— well, I assume they do. Yeah, dogs have periods. She's just got her first one. It's like— well, this is what I'm confused about. I think it's twice a year. It's not once a month, it's twice a year, but it's for like 2 weeks. And I swear, is that what it means when they say they're in heat? Yes, that's it.

Oh, I thought they just meant that they were horny.

Like, she's— she was humping my dad's foot the other day. She's humping Beau's leg constantly. We have to like separate her and Beau. She's bleeding all over the gaff. It has been wild. But apart from that, yes, she is helping me get my steps in.

So you can tell our field of biology— I was so confused there when you said your dog had a period, and I was like, what?

Yeah, yeah, and it's disgusting.

It is. Let's get back to the book though, because when I was reading through, there was a section there on co-creation as well, and I find that really powerful because you've shifted from being that controlling manifestor to invite in, you know, this or something better. So how do you teach people to surrender, especially when they're used to doing everything themselves, often out of necessity?

I think you're right. I think mothers, especially single mothers, are so used to doing everything by themselves, and it's like that hyper— what's it called— hyper-independence or something. You know, whenever you see those memes of like a woman carrying a washing machine up a flight of steps by herself, and it's like, I'd rather do this than ask for help. Stop. That's me. Um, and it's so many people as well. It's a trauma response, we've got to deal with it. But we do forget that sometimes we need to just co-create. We are not in this on our own. How stressful to think that we're entirely responsible and completely on our own. I do believe— I'm a big believer in taking action. I'm a big believer in making things happen, and you can't just sit back and wait for the universe. Us. However, there are times where it's okay when you've hustled your little heart out and you can say, I'm not really seeing how this is going forward, to say out loud— say it out loud to the universe and say, I don't fucking know what to do here. Can I please invite you in to help me with this? Help me see a solution. Help me see a way. And I'm open to co-creating this with you. And it's then that I find that you literally, you will start to come across ideas or people, like people will just say things to you and instead of it just, you know, how many times do people say things and you're like, oh, okay, cool, but it will actually stick with you and you're like, oh, okay, I need to listen to that. That is the universe guiding you. And I still experience that to this day. I've been doing this shit for 15 years and I still get stuck. This book is a great example. Writing this book, I've got so stuck in hustle mode. I was panicking, I was accusing everyone of not doing their jobs, I was becoming a fucking nightmare because I just wasn't seeing the results that I wanted to see. And it was only when— and also I was like working myself into an early grave as well, literally 10 outfit changes, traipsing around Shoreditch and Camden, throwing myself over walls, holding the book, trying to get photos. Do you know what I mean? I've done the most for this book, and I just collapsed exhausted in a heap, and I was like 'universe, show me the fucking way,' like, 'show me the way.' And as soon as I did that, literally it transformed, and I started to get flood of pre-orders. I started to have lots of advice coming to my life and ideas where I was like, 'Oh, let me just follow this, let me just follow this.' And then before you know it, boom, universe has helped me. Thank you.

I remember when we first met, you know, when I ambushed your house, in your words. Um, you said to me that helpful people are your love language as well. And it was—

I love you.

I am very helpful to you, aren't I?

You are, and I'll never forget it. You're always— I know that you are one of the few people in my life that will always help me if I need something, and I'm very grateful for that, Mark.

Thank you. But I remember in your house that first day, you'd said to me, I'm thinking about recording my own subliminals. And I literally said to you, oh, it's so easy, you've already got a microphone, that's literally all you and you were like, what? And I remember logging on to your old Mac because it was that really old one. Can you remember that? Just didn't—

still got it, it's in the corner.

Yeah, it took about 90 minutes to start up and do anything. And, and I remember going on and just showing you exactly how to do a subliminal. And then before you knew it, you've launched your own range of subliminals, and you were like, that was my love language. And I remember you saying that, and it was just so nice to hear that, you know, someone being helpful to you. It's almost like you are passing the control and you're just allowing that help to come in, you know what I mean? So it's really nice. I want to quickly move back to the period talk actually, because you— well, okay, you dive into cyclical living in your book and how, you know, as, as a woman, your energy fluctuates across your cycles, yet society is kind of built in this linear masculine rhythm. So how did you learn to work with your hormones flow, and how did that kind of change the way that you manifest, and how can other women start tapping into that wisdom as well?

So I'm still super pissed off that I only learned about this at about the age of 37, closer to menopause than I was getting my periods, which is— fuck it, it's a crime actually. But still, uh, we move. And it absolutely transformed how I viewed myself, my work ethic, my productivity, my motivation, all these things that I told myself that I couldn't be consistent, that I was lazy, that I was a depressed person, all these things. As soon as I learned about cyclical living— shout out to Kate Northrup, by the way, the book Do Less, we did that in the book club and that's how we learned about it— what a revelation that day was. I remember opening that chapter and being like, sorry, what? What? Are you fucking kidding me? And as soon as I read it, I was like, oh my God, this makes sense. I've got a friend called Polly who, she's the same age as me, she's 40, and we only learned about this like 2 years ago, right? So this is still quite new information. And I remember saying her like, oh, Polly, you're really depressed today. Like, do you think that it could be that your period's coming? And she looked at her app and she's like, oh yeah. And I'm like, isn't it funny that you're like in your late 30s and we still don't get it? Like, we still have to remind ourselves, like, I don't hate my partner, I don't hate my job, I don't hate my life, I don't want to kill myself, I've just got my period. Like, it's coming. Like, and it literally is that simple. So understanding the 4 stages of your cycle— and look, you can't always— life is not a perfect science. Like, in my ideal world, my ovulation time, which is when you're like, woohoo, loving life, I would be out there going on dates, seeing my friends, having child-free time, living my best life, maybe getting a dick appointment, who knows. And on my menstrual phase I ideally would be at home taking a break, taking a rest. You would not believe the number of times that I've had my biggest events fall on the wrong fucking phase, do you know what I mean? Like, life doesn't always work that way, but I feel like having the awareness of it is so, so powerful because there are so many women that have gone through their lives, especially older women, people like my mum who have got no fucking idea, who will have gone through their lives feeling shit about themselves because they didn't understand this very basic biological process in our body. They didn't understand it. It's wild.

I think it's kind of like balancing the woo of manifestation with the practical part as well. And I know you talk more about practicality in the book as well, don't you? Because obviously there's a section in there about setting SMART goals, uh, mastering your week, clearing your physical space.

Space.

Why do you think it's so important to ground spiritual work and structure, like, especially for mothers?

I think that manifestation is like this little dance of like strategic, practical action, which when you say to someone, oh my God, I've manifested my dream job, and they say, you didn't manifest it, you, you quit your job, you researched it, you found this person, you found someone to emulate Okay, yeah, you're right. But it takes also a guidance to be able to do that. So I love the practical, practical steps, but there's also this other part, the energetic work of the law of attraction, that is like the magical, I can't explain how this shit works part of it. And I love the two combining, and I feel like you do have to have both combining. And it's, it's just a balance, it's a dance, and it's a nuanced thing that the more you do it the more you will understand it. And like I said earlier, with the, you know, the promotion of this book, this has been one of the most stressful fucking times of my life, the most overwhelming times of my life. I've been doing this 15 years and I forgot. I forgot. I got so into the strategic hustle, physical actions, that I completely forgot to do all of the energetic stuff. And as soon as I started doing it, everything was, you know, easy breezy CoverGirl. And so you, you only learn this through doing it. You only learn it through doing it. And you can feel when you're going into that hustle mode where you're, you're forcing things and you're controlling things. But I also saw an incredible post on Instagram the other day. It was actually on my own Instagram page. I'm thinking, where did I see that? It was my own Instagram page. And it was like a sign. And you know, I'll never remember what these things actually legitimately say, but it said something like, a goal without action gives anxiety, but the word wasn't goal. It's like aspiration without action creates anxiety. And it's true, if you're sitting there and you're like feeling really anxious because you want to achieve these things or you want to achieve this goal, you only feel anxious because you're not taking any action towards it. As soon as you take action towards it, you feel great. So it's a real balance between taking the physical action and doing the things, but also the slightly harder work of trusting the universe, embodying it, doing things like EFT tapping, visualizing, meditating, whatever it is that you like to do. And everyone does different things. But yeah, I fucking love it. It's a, it's a beautiful journey with it.

Tell us about your EFT journey the other evening, because that was quite special as well.

I feel like I did, didn't I, earlier? Did I tell you this or did I not? I'm not sure. No. Okay, I don't know what the fuck's going on anymore. So this is a prime example of this. Pre-orders of books is actually surprisingly hard to get, right? I didn't realize this. Bitches don't like to pre-order books. I get it. If I saw a book on pre-order, I'd be like, oh, I'll just order it when it comes out. One of my best friends in the world, Sophia, also said to me in passing, oh, I'm gonna order your book once it's out. And I was like, oh, fucking dare you. So I just realized people don't pre-order. It doesn't matter how many photo shoots I do around London holding my book in various outfits, they just ain't gonna pre-order this shit. And I had to kind of like come to terms with that and be at peace with it, except of course I can't. So I went into the biggest panic mode and hustle mode ever, because I've not made this a secret, I am going to be a Sunday Times bestselling author. That was my goal with this. I'm going to be a Sunday Times bestselling author. Now whenever you have a goal what's the reason, right? It's a bit shit if that's just the goal. What, you're just in the paper for one week and then you can put it on a blue plaque outside your house? That's what I'm gonna do. Um, but then that's it. No, the reason I want that is because I want this book to propel me to the next level. I want it to be made into a TV show. That is my big, big goal. So it's very important to me. My why is very important. It's not just to say, oh, I got 500 book sales or whatever. So anyway, the pre-sales were shit, okay? Although Penguin kept telling me they were good, they were like 200, 300, and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? So anyway, I went into hustle mode. Like I said, started accusing everyone of not doing their jobs properly. I had to have an emergency meeting with everyone where I think everyone hates me now. And I was hustling, like I was overworking, and I still wasn't massively seeing any kind of results. So one day I just said, universe, please co-create with me on this. Like, I just, like I said, remembered, remembered that I can do this. And I was like, please guide me, tell me the way, what do I need to do? Literally, things started coming to me. Someone mentioned to me, they said, oh, have you got a sales page for your book with a pre-order incentive? And I was like, ain't no fucker told me to do this. No, no, no one has told me to do this. So I was like, no, okay, great, I'll do that. Next, I start looking at other big authors and I'm seeing things they're doing. I'm like, oh, That's what I need to do. I've been doing this for months. That's never occurred to me to look at that kind of stuff. That is guidance from the universe. And then I got out the shower one day and I was like, I'm just gonna do some EFT tapping. I swear to God, I did it for no longer than 3 minutes. And I just said, right, I'm gonna get an email from Penguin today because I tend to get it like every Monday, and they're going to tell me that I've got 750 hardback pre-orders because bitches are going wild for the audiobook, but they don't count towards The Sunday Times. So I'm like, thank you for your, your order, but still, we're looking for the hardback, bitches. Oh, it had been like at this around 200, 300 for so long, and I was just like, oh God. And I was like, right, I'm gonna manifest 750 copies. And as I went around, I did the tapping. When I do tapping, I visualize that my words are like vibrating out into the universe and like I'm sending them out there. Did it for 3 minutes, moved on with my day. I get an email, Mart. The email says, guess what, we've had a big spike, 770 pre-orders. And I was like, well, fuck me, fuck me, that literally works. I forget how quickly EFT tapping works. It literally works so fast for me for like things like that, like specific numbers and stuff.

But it's like what you were saying earlier about remembering to do that, because I've literally been to your house and we've sat side by side doing EFT tapping. Can you remember we did that one on my laptop not long ago. On that cruise that we went on, we were tapping most mornings and stuff. And it's like, we all, we all know how to tap, we all know the powerfulness of it, but it's almost like you just forget because life is just chaotic and life is just hectic that you just get on with your day. But yeah, yeah, amazing. Well done, great results.

You forget, you already know it, you already know. So now I've, I've actually created a tapping, two tapping videos showing people exactly how I do it, and that's my pre-order incentive. Buy the book, bitch. And you'll get to see how I do it. Come on.

No, Fran, obviously we've spoke about how much stuff you've actually manifested, because you have manifested some incredible things. I've just spoke there about the cruise that we both went on that was totally free around the Med. You've manifested money, your dream home, your Thriving brand, the gender of your twins. Yet you also speak quite candidly about the areas that haven't shifted yet, you know, like romantic relationships, for example. So what does it mean for you to honor the kind of things that haven't happened yet while still holding faith and self-compassion for yourself?

When I look at everything that hasn't shown up in my life or has gone wrong, I always look back and think, wow, thank the Lord. Thank the Lord that they shut down my business in London. Thank the Lord that they made Airbnb like illegal for a period. Thank, thank God for so many things. So I think you learn trust with the universe when you're able to look back with hindsight and think, actually, everything was happening in my favor. Even twins, right? Said it before, I'll say it again, I did not want multiple babies. I did not want twins. However, I think if I'd had one baby, life would have been just easy enough that I wouldn't have felt trapped in my house and I wouldn't have created this podcast. I think it was the sheer weight of two babies and wanting to escape my reality that created all of this. So thank you, shout out to Reva and Lavo. So yeah, I, I absolutely have faith that everything that is happening is for a reason. And things like people say to me like, oh, you still haven't managed to manifest love. And I have had a bit of a different take on this recently. So you know, sometimes people are like, oh, maybe you haven't worked through your traumas, maybe you haven't done this, that. Look, Paul Brunson has told me several times that I am 100% ready. I'm— I could literally meet anyone at any point. I've come come to the conclusion that there is no space for a straight man in my life. I don't want it. And I think it's perfectly acceptable to be able to say that shit ain't for me. I do not want it. Now, when I'm older, perhaps— I've always had this very strong vision that I'll meet the love of my life when I'm 50 and that we'll go to India. I don't know why, but I have this really strong vision. But in this era of my life, when I'm raising young girls, when we I'm in my motherhood era. I really genuinely do not see a space for it. And I think that if you don't want something badly enough, you won't manifest it. And to be honest, when I sit down and I think, what do I want to manifest, I never sit there thinking, oh, a man that's gonna come. Like, no, I just don't. I just don't. So yeah, I just trust that the universe will send someone when the time is right. And I'm having a fucking lovely time without one, to be honest. I can paint my house whatever color I want, I can go wherever I like, and I'm having a fabulous time.

Yeah, I was going to say, because then it would put a few constraints on you. Like, can you imagine trying to write the book that you've just written and look after your girls and have like friend relationships while you're still trying to have a romantic relationship and you're trying to date someone? It's just adding another ball into your already like huge pile, isn't it?

Yeah, I don't need any more balls. And also it wouldn't be fair on them because people do deserve— like, they want to be the love of your life and they deserve to be that. And I think about in my life if someone said like, oh, you've not spent any time with me today, I'm feeling a bit neglected— the idea of someone saying that to me right now, I'm like, fuck off. Like, like, I genuinely do not have the— no, I'm sorry, but I'm in my author era. I'm in my era of making incredible memories with my girls. I've got good— like, yeah, I just— look, if it came along, amazing. I'm going to London this weekend, and who knows, you never know, you might, you might meet someone on the street. But yeah, I'm not, I'm not searching for it.

I know in your book as well you mentioned that your podcast and the book weren't born out of inspiration, they were more born out of desperation. So for all the mothers that are listening, or someone that just doesn't have the headspace, someone who is at their limit, you know, worn out, maybe they've forgotten their dreams, maybe they feel like they've got no time or space left for them, what would you say would be the very first step that they can take to start manifesting that life that feels like their own again?

I would say sometimes when you feel like life really hard or really shit, and someone says to you like, you can manifest anything, what is your dream life? I don't know about you, but I find that personally very overwhelming when someone says like, what is your, your— because when you say like no limits, what's your dream life, I suddenly think, well, would I live in the mountains of California? Would I, would I be married to fucking Eddie Hearn? Would I, I don't know, would I be a street artist instead of a podcaster? Like, it just all becomes too overwhelming. And people often say like, oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to quit my job, I not— like, I don't know, or I don't know if I'm in the right relationship. I don't know if the next step is that I need to break up with this person. Like, I just don't know. And I'm like, do you know what? Whenever you feel overwhelmed by stuff like that, always pursue yourself. If you don't know what to pursue in life, pursue yourself. That's the greatest advice I've ever heard. Start showing up for yourself in the smallest of ways. So showing up for your health, making healthy choices, commit to eating better, commit to moving your body every day, commit to working on your self-development in really small ways. And by pursuing yourself at a really basic level— and for a lot of people, they may have spent many years not pursuing themselves at all, it wouldn't have even occurred to them— um, that starts to see really big changes in your life, and they compound over time. And all of the things that you were uncertain about suddenly become clear. So yeah, I would start pursuing yourself in the smallest ways possible, consistently.

And Fran, what is one message that you would like to leave the listeners with today? Obviously apart from buy the book.

Buy my fucking book. Buy it now. Buy one for your friend. No, um, I would say please do not believe the hype that you need to do cold water plunging, that you need to wake up at 5 AM, that you need to journal every day, that you need to meditate. That you need to put a crystal dildo up your ass, that you need to stand out in the sunlight. All these things are fantastic, but you can actually create your dream life using your own mind, literally using your own mind and the information that is already on the internet. You don't need to sign up to that person's mastermind. You don't need to sign up to a £10,000 course. You don't need to join a fucking container. Fuck that shit, respectfully. You can do that stuff and there's a place for it if you're further along your journey. Absolutely do it. But if you are wanting to change your life, please know that you can do it using your own mind. Everything is there and available for you. You just have to be open to it.

That— and Fran, just before we go, are you coming to Manifest 2026?

Am I invited?

She's invited as a guest.

I'll just turn up and have a laugh, get pissed.

No, you're invited as a speaker. I would love to have you again. Um, everyone loved you. I was just wondering, I was going to ask you this, but I might as well ask you right now. No time like the present.

Brilliant, no pressure. Um, I would love to. It was so much fun. Let's do something like weird. Let's do something, I don't know what. Let's do it. No naked yoga, but let's do something fun. Yeah, I'm down for another trip to Newcastle. I loved it. If you didn't come this year, it was incredible. There was a great bar. Jay and I got very drunk. I met a lovely lesbian and we all had a good time.

I love it. Fran, thank you so much for coming on. Uh, Fran's new book Manifest Like a Mother is out worldwide, um, published by Penguin, no, no less. Um, it's out September the 4th, is that right?

September the 4th. And if you are a US bitch or somewhere worldwide, you can get it at Waterstones. They will ship it worldwide because, you know what, I love Penguin, but you can't get it on Amazon until, uh, March 2026 if you're from the US, which is wild. I don't know why they've done that. I don't know if that's Penguin or Amazon, but you can get it from Waterstones for 25% off, and they will ship it to you worldwide in September.

So yeah, if you want to get into a discount code on Waterstones as well—

oh, it's a very complicated one. I don't know why they've made it this hard. Capital M, Manifest. Capital A, Amber. 25. Manifest Amber 25. Why would you make it that long? Just, just make it Fran. Just make it Fran or manifest. Why you gotta fucking make it— do you know what, the amount of times I do like many chat flows on Instagram and it's like, comment the word— at the moment it's like tour, right, because I'm going on a book tour, or maybe by the time this is out I'm on the book tour. And you would not believe the amount of people— I'm like, comment tour, they comment your, they comment floor. They comment fucking all the different words you can imagine, and I'm just like, Lord have mercy, Stones, why have you done that to us? But there we go. Yeah, manifest AMBER25 and you can get 25% off.

Well, I'll pop that in the show notes alongside the link as well so people can just copy and paste. That'll be a lot easier.

Remember the capitals, remember the capitals.

Don't you worry about that. Fran, is there anything else that you would like to share before we go?

Buy my book, please. I'll be forever grateful.

I just meant like, is there anything you want to promote?

Anything else I want to promote? Let me tell you, you can find me on Instagram, living my best life, @francescaamber. Um, I've got a little website, a little website called francescaamber.com. I've got all sorts of fun shit going on over there. I may, I may already be, uh, doing tickets for my goal setting party for New Year's Eve. I don't know, that might be on there. Take a chance, have a look. If they're not, come back later, might be be there then.

Fab. Thank you so much for spending some time with us this afternoon, Fran. It's always lovely to see you and always a delight to catch up with you. Like I said, Fran's new book is out worldwide on September 4th. Please go and buy yourself a copy. I'm sure she's told you many times through this episode. I'll pop the links in the show notes along with that very complicated discount code, and I will see everyone next Friday for another episode. I nearly said the law of attraction's changed my life, it's going to change yours too.

No, no. That's not yours, that's mine.

Do you want to end it with that?

Uh, how does it end? The law of attraction has changed my life, it's going to change yours too, bitches.

Bye! Bye everyone, bye!