Day 13 The Sensory Mismatch

Foreign aloha, sensory heroes. Welcome to day 13. So today's video is going to be about sensory mismatch in the family. So could be a mismatch between the parents, parent, child, between siblings. And essentially no two nervous systems are the same. But a lot of the conflict, I think, in families comes from when. When the sensory needs are different. So, for example, in a. In a couple relationship, my husband and I, he's. He's the avoider. I'm the seeker. I've known him since high school, and I just. I feel so bad now. I think about how much I tortured him. Going on roller coasters and just doing all this crazy stuff when he didn't. He didn't like it at all, but he just wanted to be with me, so he did it. And I just. I didn't have a true appreciation for how horrible it was for him because I thought it was fun. So it's sometimes really hard to perspective, take and think about, you know, how it's different for another person. So, for example, if you look at these two kids, clearly I was more like the little guy on the bottom, like, more, more, more. And the little guy at the top can hardly tolerate a car ride. And, and that was. That was definitely my husband. He, in fact, to this day, he has to drive. I can't be the one driving. And he has to have the. In the winter, have the window open and we all just bundle up. And it's just how it is because he just can't handle it any other way. So, you know, you just have to kind of figure out how to take care of each other and accommodate each other. Well, one thing I see a lot in the clinic is a lot of the. The parents and the children are at a complete mismatch. So you might have. Most often, I'll see, like a parent that is, you know, gets very dysregulated by their child because they're just moving all around, spinning around, making them dizzy. I'll often say, don't look at them because that is tied to the vision and the vestibular system are wired together. And so just like if you're in a car wash and all of a sudden you feel like you moved because what's moving around you triggers a sense of movement in your body. That can happen when you're watching your kid being crazy. It can make you nauseous. So a lot of times, like if we're. If a child's spinning in the clinic or something, I'll say, look at the floor, look at the wall. Don't make yourself sick. And then, you know, a lot of times the kids act like you're the human crash pad, and they need. They need a place to just like, throw their body around and be crazy so they're not like, invading your space and making you feel like, so physically overwhelmed by their presence just all over you. Sometimes the opposite is true where you'll have a really movement, seeking family, all but maybe one child, and they just want to stay home. And that's a, that's a challenge. You know, like, maybe they all want to go skiing and that's just, just too much stimulation for the child and they want to stay home. So I think the main thing is just to kind of respect the different nervous systems and just try to figure out how you can. How you can kind of take care of everybody's needs. And I just think of my. My boys are in their 20s now, but one was more of a seeker, one was more of a voider. And so the seeker just wanted to wrestle around all the time. And the avoiders just kind of like, get away from me. So it can be a challenge. And then you have siblings. Like I said with my boys, that. That's the other area. The siblings can be a. Be a mismatch as well. And so going back to this slide, just consider these things. Like the parents, parent, child, the siblings think in terms of, are they seeking, avoiding movement? Do they like fast or slow music? Do they like noise at all? Are there scents that are triggering? For example, like, there's a lot of people that love to have, like, their house full of, you know, all kinds of, like, things that smell good, but for the child, that might be completely overwhelming. In fact, at our clinic, we have really learned we can't have anything that smells like anything. It's the most neutral smelling place ever. So we have to wash everything in free and clear. We don't wear any, any scented lotions or, or perfumes or anything strong. I've even had to have, like, if some. I remember one time somebody brought in a very aromatic turmeric drink, and it just was so pungent. It just filled the whole clinic. And so we have to be really, really aware of how scents can be triggering. And. And on the other hand, some kids really need to smell things. They go around smelling everything, and they might need something like a lavender scent to help them feel relaxed. Like, I was talking about, you know, touch. Like, some people can handle like a big hug and some people need, like a little side hug. But generally speaking, like A firmer, flat hand kind of touch versus fingers is much, much more organizing and calming. And then also consider, like, how do people respond to the visual environment? Some people like it really chaotic and some people just need everything completely clear. I remember this one preschool teacher I worked with decades ago, went to her house, everything was white. It was like the most non cluttered house I had ever seen. And I thought, wow, it's like she had to compensate for the preschool day. Like she had to have nothingness. It was very interesting. You know, with all of these things, I think about how hard holidays are for our kids because when you think about it, all these things are, are, are full blast. So you might have like Christmas music playing and there's all kinds of different scents that they're not used to from the meal and from maybe the candles or something. And you've got people coming up to you and so good to see you, Grandma grabbing the cheeks and hugging and, and the kids just right down, right then like right into a me and you know, a house full of people that's very, visually very, very overwhelming. And so just so many things to think about and consider. But definitely taking little breaks can help a lot. So in a situation like that, just going into a quiet room, having a safe place to go in the house, that's not so crazy, even sitting in the car for a little bit, a lot of times you can handle things that are overwhelming by just taking little, little breaks from it. So that is a little bit about the sensory mismatch in families. And like I said, I think that is where a lot of the conflicts in families arise from. And so the more we all are aware of our sensory needs, our child's, our spouses, the other siblings, the more we can just respect that everybody has different things that make them feel comfortable and uncomfortable. Okay, fill out the questionnaire in the worksheet and we'll be on to the next day. Aloha.