Produce and Provide | Ep. 22

There's a need inside all of us, especially men, to produce and to provide. And the providing portion comes for providing for our family. But I think there's a part of us that just wants to build just for the sake of building. Welcome to the Rising Tribe. I'm Jared.

And I'm Austin.

And our goal is to inspire young men to build strong families and discover their potential as men, husbands, and fathers..

And we do this by having authentic conversations about faith, family, health, and business as we strive to level up our lives and the lives around us. Welcome to our August episode, everybody. And Jared and I have got a lot of updates to share with you guys about life. And I've been looking forward to this episode. Uh, there's been a lot of stuff that has happened. I told Jared the other day, I feel like this year I have had goals and I've accomplished a lot of goals, but I still feel like I've been in like a limbo year where it's just been wild, which is good. Like, I feel like it's a thing where I told you the other day, like, I've bitten off more than I can chew in some areas where it's— that's a good thing to kind of push myself to kind of grow. And I think I told you at the beginning of the year, right? This is, this is going to be the year where I just kind of dive into some new things and really push myself. And, uh, that's how it's been going. So, um, we both had babies. I don't know if we have talked about this. I think we did. Yeah.

But yeah. Um, but yeah, with that, yeah, that episode that we recorded that we lost most of the audio. Um, I was gonna put it up, but then as I was listening to it, I was like, dude, they like, we just lose, we just lose so much of the conversation. Um, so yeah, there's, there's half an episode, uh, that might get published out there. But, uh, yeah, Austin and I, well, neither of us had babies, but our wives. Have both had babies in the last couple of months. So our daughter was born there at the end of May. And then, uh, your daughter was born just a couple of weeks ago, dude.

Yeah, July 22nd. And, uh, I was telling Kaya, I was like, if you don't get this baby out of you soon, we can't go to your brother's wedding because I did not want to fly with like a, you know, a 2-week-old or a 1-week-old.

Right, right, right.

And, uh, finally got the baby out. It was the day the house cleaners came to our place. I think just a clean house made Kaya feel like, okay, I'm ready to go, you know? We were blessed, like Kaya's mom came out, helped us, did a lot, did a lot of like cleaning around the house, yard work for me, like made sure that I could get a solid 2 weeks under my belt of sales before the baby came, just so that I could, you know, take advantage of my opportunity I have right now to be selling. And the baby came, I took a bunch of time off and It's been amazing. So my baby's name is Francesca Rain Maser, spelled like the energy drink. R-E-I-N.

I love it, dude.

I think it's cool. At first I was completely against it, but now I think it's pretty cool because it's literally a verb, like to rain.

So yeah, yeah, to rule and to rain. That's awesome.

I think it'll be cool. So she's cute. She came out looking really messed up, like, like her one eyeball was a, it was almost like a centimeter higher than the other and crooked. And so I was like, oh my goodness. But it was just 'cause the, the heads get all swollen when they're going through birth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're swollen and squished, deformed. And so now she's, now she's good, dude. I don't want people to get mad at me for being, maybe it was you. I was a pretty ugly baby when I was born. My mom tells me I was, I was pretty ugly for a few months, so.

Yeah, they come out like all squished and stuff. Georgia had a cone. For a head. It wasn't just—

Yeah, dude, I saw, I saw those pictures, man. Crazy. Yeah.

So, but yeah, uh, having a baby—

How's, how's Kaya doing? How's the recovery?

She's good. She's, um, Kaya went on a hike the other day. She is able to like walk, like she was walking the morning after she pushed out Francesca and she's doing well. I don't talk much about like the birth because I think it is like really traumatic. It's crazy.

Like, yeah.

Oh my gosh. Uh, I asked the nurses a couple times, I'm like, is she gonna die? And they're like, nah, she's good. They see it every day, multiple times a day. Um, but it's crazy to see what Kaya went through. Like, there's a lot of respect there and still, even after having a baby, it's not easy cuz breastfeeding and, you know, having to—

No, dude.

Deal with hormones.

Hormones are all over the place. It's insane.

Yeah.

Like you don't realize just how many chemical changes happen inside of a person. Like, yeah, it's nuts. Absolutely nuts. Yeah, me either, dude. I, you know, uh, Adam's call to labor for like every day forever. I'm like, dude, sign me up for that because the whole, uh, pain and child labor and whatnot, like that is a lot worse. That is okay. We'll pass.

Yeah. But Ikai is doing well. Um, I've just, even when I have tried to get back to work. This last, like, I took a week and a half off, almost 2 weeks off after the baby came. And then I was saying, okay, I'm gonna get going again, I'm gonna get back to work. And that week was like, you know, I'm trying to leave the house and they've got a crying baby, a 2-year-old that's running around half naked and doing— you just, just is terrorizing us. Yeah.

Have you started potty training?

She's, she's completely potty trained. Dude.

We just started a couple weeks ago.

It's exciting, like, cause that's no more diapers for that baby, you know? But we got, we got Georgia into pull-ups. I don't know how you guys are doing it. We didn't read any books. We just got Georgia into pull-ups and then we incentivized her to just, we, we showed her like a big girl underwear, like Minnie Mouse and Elsa, and we bought a bunch of packs of that. And then we just told her, hey, you can wear these, but you need to go potty on the, and then we make her say toilet. Potty on the, and then she says toilet. So.

Yeah.

But she's, she's done now. Like she's completely potty trained. No accidents here in Utah at all. So.

Dude, that, that's a win. That is a huge win right there. Like the flight's over, staying at someone else's house. Like so many things change, dude. It's, it's unbelievable. We, Talitha is, uh, she's in, she's now wearing, wearing the, uh, colorful, we call 'em chonies. So she's got, you know, the, the Moana chonies and Elsa chonies and, and all that. And she loves, she gets so excited getting to wear new ones, but, um, she knows that if she, uh, if she has an accident in them, she doesn't get to wear them anymore. And then she just runs around the house naked. Um, and so she's, she's had a couple accidents in the last— it's been almost 2 weeks now. So, uh, in the last 2 weeks, I think she's maybe had probably 4 accidents, like, around the house. Um, and then a couple of times that she's, uh, she's peed in her bed during, uh, during nap time. But she's like, she understands. And like, she's gotten a lot better about hating sitting on the toilet, but we just push fluids on her and she sits on the toilet and like periodically and she goes and we got like a little sticker chart and she's doing the stickers and she gets an M&M and, and she knows it. Um, and so we haven't, I mean, we haven't had an accident in a couple days, which is, which is positive, but that's good.

It's going. Well, we had our, we had our, we're out of the accident phase right now, but we had, we had our fair share of 'em. I think Georgia did some out of just out of spite, like, yeah. And it was, I, when we're like a week, I say we were a week and a half in of no accidents, completely potty trained. We're, we're not, we don't even think about it. But right before and after the baby came, because I think she was struggling with a new baby coming, she just stood and looked at Kaya for a second, right in front of the toilet, peed looking at Kaya right on the carpet. That's—

that is spiked right there.

Right next to the toilet, right on her, like, her bathroom rug. And, uh, and she knew what she was doing, you know. Dude.

Oh man.

Fun story with potty training real quick is Georgia had, and I sent this into my, my group chat and I think you saw a little bit of this. Georgia sat on the toilet and then afterwards, or she was playing with the bathroom bidet that Kaya has. Uh-huh. Uh, which is, you know, it's great to have after pregnancy and everything, but Basically, she's on the toilet, she turns on the bidet full blast into our drywall, and my wife is in the bedroom or the living room and just hears running water. And then out runs Georgia with gritted teeth, like scared, wide eyeballs, running out of the bathroom as fast as she can. And she goes, "Mommy, I turned the sprinklers on." And it was just shooting into our wall. And she did it again and she goes, "Mommy, my bum hurts." And it was shooting into the wall again. She just— So yeah, the bidet.

Oh man.

For her, it's not a bidet, it's sprinklers. And so—

That's awesome. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's awesome.

It's awesome. I told Kai, like, did you get a picture? Like, we need pictures of this stuff because even though you're angry, this is the stuff that like you throw in the wedding video. Oh yeah, dude, when you get married down the road.

I'll have to send you this picture. Um, Talitha came up here and, um, I have an old computer. Every time I sit down and I say I'm doing some work, 'cause I'm doing work on my computer, um, she says, uh, "Pai, I wanna, I wanna do work with you." And so she'll like set up, I'll either put up my iPad and she'll just like color, like do, uh, uh, in a drawing app. Or I found my really old, uh, college laptop. It's like pretty much a brick., but it turns on and it does, uh, Microsoft Paint. So I turn on Microsoft Paint, grab the stylus for her, and she just like, she's just like sitting next to me, um, on these stacks of like, uh, soundproofing foam that I have in here. She's like sitting on them. Uh, I made a little desk for her and so she has my old computer. Uh, and she's just sitting up here, dude, just only in her chonies and she's just like working on this computer, um, saying that she's doing work with me. And I'm like, dude, this is Like I could not be happier. Like this is so much fun. Just like getting to be, getting to be here with her. You know, I'm doing work. She's, you know, she's just drawing on this computer, but she just loves being with me, dude. So I took a picture of that to remember.

Good. Yeah, that's, uh, not always the most productive, but it's always like, this is special. Uh, Kaya sent Georgia out with me to do yard work the other day. And the one tree that her and I did together took probably like an hour and a half. And then I did it 2 times off, it took 30 minutes, 20 minutes. So, but it's good for Georgia to help and, you know, um, that's cool, man. I want to hear more about, so you, before we got on the call, you talked to me about a coach that you're working with right now. And I'm a huge proponent for coaching. When you told me, I was like super excited about it. I want to hear more about it and what, maybe some of the breakthroughs that you're kind of working through right now. In your calls?

Yeah, so it was 2 sessions ago, which might have been 3 weeks ago, but we hopped on a call and— well, I guess so 3 sessions ago. So the time before that, we had talked about kind of goals, some things that are on my mind, some of the obstacles I think are in my way between where I am and where I want to be, primarily focused around my website for travel rewards, credit card rewards. And so we kind of talked about some things and then she sent me this OKR sheet, which stands for objective, key results, and initiatives. And so I guess OKR would be objectives, key results, and then I guess it's just missing the I there. Anyway, so she sends me this worksheet and just tells me to kind of just start filling it out and just see if it starts spurring some thoughts. So I put in there, I started filling it out and there at the bottom, she, one of the things that she asked the question, she kind of left, she had typed it in the bottom of the sheet and she said, what's the top line objective that this endeavor, this business supports? Is it to be a successful entrepreneur? Is it to build wealth for your family? Is it to create your inspiring ideas and see them through? Like what is it that this, that being an entrepreneur, what is it? What does that do for you? What is that actually supporting? What need is that filling? And it got me thinking, dude, I actually, like, I filled out some of the stuff in the sheet, but it just got me thinking, like, I couldn't really write anything down. I just, I was just pondering, like, what is this all for? Why do I have this, just this never-ending drive to make things, to create, to produce? We talked a little bit about it in our last phone call that we did that wasn't an episode. I was just saying, dude, there's a need inside all of us. Especially men, to produce and to provide. And the providing portion comes for providing for our family. But I think there's a part of us that just wants to build just for the sake of building. And I've been trying to like unpack where that comes from. What is it that, that inside me just wants to produce? Because when I think about going to like, I think about going to work, coming home, being with my family, going to bed, getting up, going to work, coming home, being with my family, going to bed. Like 5 days a week, uh, sometimes on weekends, uh, maybe save the weekends for doing some traveling, go see some sites. We live in Italy, beautiful place, lots of wonderful countries that we can go see around Italy as well. Like, but I think about that as like, if like that is the, the 3 or 4 or the 4 years that we'll get to do here in Italy, like if that's it, dude, then I've been missing something. And I can't, I can't even imagine like just going to work and then coming home, being with my family, going to bed. Like I need something to be working towards. Outside of that, something that is like, that is mine, that I'm creating. And, and I, so I've, I kind of wrote down a couple different, a couple different thoughts here. I'll share, share a couple of them. But I, I started typing down a few thoughts, and then in the 2 weeks ago call that I had with her, we hopped on, and they're just 30-minute calls. We hopped on and she was like, all right, so like, how's this week been? Dude, I talk, I just straight just like spewed words and thoughts for like 28 minutes, and then she had like all of like 2 minutes to like kind of respond and give me some direction and say, like, you know, we'll talk next time. And, but I, dude, and I totally didn't mean to just like, just start talking and talking, but it, dude, it just started coming. It just started flowing out of me. And, and so some of the things, some of the things that came out, uh, and as my thoughts started to clarify, one of them is that I don't want to look back on my life knowing that I could have done more.

Yeah.

Um, I don't want to live my life afraid to show the world the magic that I have inside of me, you know, the, the genius in, in the, the creativity that I have inside my brain. Uh, I, I don't want to— like, I, I, in my head, I've got so many dreams and visions and thoughts and ideas, and I want to turn them into something real. I don't want them to die just as thoughts. I don't want them to die just as a dream inside my head. Um, and I want to take these thoughts, I want to create things out of them, and I want to build I want to build an empire. I want to build so much more than what we already have. And I think that I can radically change the trajectory of my life. You know, I think my dad has done so much to bring issues from his side of the family. He has done so much to get us to where we are. And in the end, you know, he kind of, he kind of blew up his life in a lot of ways. And it was really, really unfortunate. But the things that he protected us from, I am incredibly grateful for. Uh, there were a lot of terrible legacies that died with him, or that end with him. He's not dead, but like, like, that, that did it. Those things died with him, um, because he did not pass those on to us. Like, namely physical abuse, you know, physical abuse. Not something I ever had to worry about as a child, right? And that's— and it's insane that there were many generations of that on that side of the family. So how do you— you know, the fact that he, he could at least overcome that is a blessing. I will count that as a blessing in my life. And, and many other things. And then on my mom's side of the family, dude, just a long history of very, very strong individuals, you know, who have incredible life stories. Lots of, you know, betrayal in business and in life and having to uproot and start over. And I mean, we're talking, you know, pioneer families that made their way across the United States and under a lot of persecution and whatnot like that. That all lives in in their blood. And so to think like, wow, I am here where I am, like, I— it is a blessing. It is a blessing to have grown up in the circumstances that I did, all things considered. And I think that now I have this chance, um, to really just propel my family, you know, my, my, my children, my wife, my children, and their children, like, to propel them just so much further because I've been given such a head start in so many ways. And so, um, I think, like, I think these are all things that can be done. And like, I think really the— I, I don't know any other better way to put it, but there's like this fire inside of me that I can't, I can't turn it off. Like when I go to bed at night, when I wake up in the morning, when I'm, uh, when I'm in the bathroom, when I'm like walking in between meetings, when I'm driving my car, like all I can think about is building and creating, making something, taking this website, this, uh, this other podcast that I do for travel rewards and, and building it and growing it and and providing value to the world and being compensated for the value in monetary terms. And how do you build that? How do you increase the impact that you have on others and change other people's lives? Like, there's this fire in me, and the last thing that I want is to die with that fire still inside of me. And I can't imagine— like, I can't imagine— Ed Mylett talks about it, you know, dying and getting to meet the version of you that could have been and realizing, like, Dude, we weren't even close, you know, like, that's— that is terrifying to me. Absolutely terrifying. I want— like Ed Mylett says, I want to show up and meet the guy and stand up straight with my shoulders back and look him in the eye and say, man, I've been chasing you my whole freaking life. And here we are.

I think it's really cool for you to start attacking those visions and those dreams. And like this, this credit card rewards website, you shared with me some wins in the past which are super exciting. Like you're, you're making little milestones right now, which is like huge. Like I, I like, I like though what you're saying with your credit card rewards of this. I want to build something. I want to try something new. I want to stretch myself because like in your, in your, your example that you shared of like, go to work, come home, spend time with family, go to work, come home, spend time with family. That can be really rewarding. Um, and that's kind of where I'm at right now, like where I like can come, I can go sell, come home, come home with family, but I still have these itch, this itch, you know, to try to attack something or slay a beast, right? Um, or to start something of my own one day and, you know, whatever that might be, whether that's in coaching or, um, there's a lot of options I could do down the road, but like. There's, there is something to be said for, hey, just go for it, go try it. And like, you've gone for it, you've done your website, you've got the ball rolling. Now it's just like the consistent, uh, input into your website that's going to make it blow up. And I think that's where you can have all the visions and everything, as long as you just attack them on a daily basis, right? And I'll have some system in place of like, yeah, I'm going to do X amount of blank per day or whatever. I don't know how you do the website, but I think what you're doing is so cool because I'm in the same boat right now where I could, I could just do the same thing for the next 5 years and probably be fine. But there is an itch where it's like, well, what else could I do? Like, what am I leaving on the table? What am I, what am I sacrificing by not going for it? And sometimes if you sit down and you think about What am I sacrificing by not going for it? The, the risk of, of like doing what you're still doing is actually like way scarier than not going for it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so that's cool. That's cool what you're doing. And I think that, like you said, the risk of not going for it is looking back on your life and saying, man, like I didn't go for it. I didn't. Shoot my shot, right? You could still spend time with your family while you're shooting your shot, right?

Building something. Yeah. And to be clear, I love spending time with my family.

Yeah.

And I love, and I love my job. Like, I genuinely love it. I've been put in a new position. I really love the job that, like, the roles and responsibilities on my job and the people I work with, you know, at my job. I do love all of that. But there's this other part of me that just wants to build and create something from nothing and take these ideas and turn them into something real. Intangible. And so in this last call, this is the part I really wanted to talk about, because in this last call, we hopped on and I was like, so last time I basically just spewed a bunch of thoughts and ideas at you and then you just took them and then we had to hang up. So I want to get some more thoughts. And so I told her, you know, these are the systems that I've been putting in place. I think this is how I want to do it. These are the things I've already done. This is what I'm planning on doing. And here's kind of the calendar schedule of how, which things I'm going to attack on what days and whatnot. And she was like, awesome. So like, what do you want to talk about then? Like, if you already did that part, then like, obviously you just, you have to do it, right? But like, what do you want to talk about? And I was like, well, I had this thought and let's, you know, let's, as they say, you know, pull the thread on this a little bit. Um, and I told her that I don't know if we talked about it. I don't think we've talked about it on here, dude. Um, when I was in high school, I played on a club volleyball team. And I tried out for the team. Well, I went to one of the, just one of the practices just to see what it would be like. And they really liked me and they asked me if I could play with them. And I was like, well, actually, sorry, coach, I can't afford it. I just found out how much it costs. Like, I can't play. And so then I went home and I talked to my parents. My mom was like, we don't have money for that. And then my dad said, well, how can you, one, how can you find the money for that? And two, have you even talked to the coach? Like to see if there's anything we can do about it. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that was an option.

Uh, what a cool way for his brain went directly to, how can you find the money? And have you tried to find a solution?

Right, because my dad, my dad was the one who, um, he drove me around. I used to do yard work for a bunch of people, um, in different cities, not even in the town, just in the town where I grew up. And so he would drive me out to places to do yard work for people. Um, he drove me out places wherever we got the best redemption for all the bottles and cans that I collected growing up. They just bottles and cans for like all the neighbors and a couple businesses as well and stuff. So anyway, so that, yeah, that's the thought that, that's the direction my dad's head went. And so, uh, I went back to a practice and I talked to the coach. I said, hey coach, like I still can't pay for it, but is there, you know, is there something we can, we can do? And he said, well, can you come up with $95? And I said, yeah, I can come up with $95. That's like one haul of recycling, you know, I, I can do that. He said, awesome. Just come up with the $95 and you'll still be able to, you know, you'll get the gear, you'll come, you'll play with us, you'll still come to the tournaments with us. Um, we just, we'd really love to have you. I was like, sweet, sounds good. So we played and I remember we went to the junior national like championship tournament, not because, well, they take like the top like 64 teams or whatever, like they take just about everybody. So we went and we got our butts handed to us multiple times over. Like we really weren't all that great as a team. But there was one match in particular where we lost and we like, we shouldn't have lost. And I remember the coach kind of came out, we're all sitting in the hall of this huge convention center, we're sitting in a big circle and we're all just like pretty defeated. And one of the, he, He starts talking about, you know, why we lost and all these things. And then he turned to me in front of everybody, the whole team and some of the parents. And he says, Jared, you came onto this team late, you know, mid-season, and you instantly became a natural leader. And everybody here looks to you to follow you. Like they look to you as their leader and you will never be a great— or he says, but you will never be a great volleyball player until you learn to be aggressive. And that message has stuck with me for like 15 years now. Um, and I've, I've often thought, what, like, what does that mean? What does it mean to be aggressive? You know? Um, and, and so in, in relation to this, this conversation I had with her, I realized, um, her being my coach, I realized that there have been so many times where I have been afraid to commit 100%. One of those examples is like in volleyball. So, uh, if you're a hitter, Um, you know, they set you the ball, you jump up, and you have a couple options. One of them is to swing, right, and to hit the ball, smack the ball as hard as you can, you know, in the direction you want to. And another option is to tip it, where you just kind of use your fingers and you kind of just like gently push the ball in a certain direction. So you make it look like you're going to hit the ball, um, and so people usually back up a little bit, um, to try and receive the pass, or— and then you just kind of gently tip it so it kind of falls like straight down, just barely on the other side of the net. Um, and then That means people generally can't, you know, move fast enough to pick up that ball. And so you'll still get a point either way. And in my head, you know, either way, it doesn't like, it doesn't matter which one you do because you're gonna get the point, which, you know, ultimately in the game, that's what matters. But most of my life I've tipped the ball instead of hitting the ball, even though I'm a great hitter. And it's because in, in those moments, someone like comes up with a block and I, I'm afraid to hit it into the block, or I'm afraid to hit the ball out. I'm afraid to hit the net. I'm afraid. Like, it's just like, I'm just gonna hit it to somebody and I think it's a better idea to tip. And it's so many times I could, like, I can imagine so many instances where that happened where I just, I'm so, I like, I really want to hit it, I really want to hit it, I get up and then right at the last second I decide to tip and I just push the ball. And many times it's gotten us points, you know, like it's, it's worked out many times because it's a genuine strategy in volleyball. But for me personally, like, it's been a, it's been like a a bad habit learned that if the block comes up, if obstacles get in the way, maybe just tip it instead, instead of swinging. Um, cause there's, there's one that they'll often say, you know, swing into the block, um, or just swing through it because you can hit the ball off the blocker's hands, but if it goes out of bounds off the blocker's hands, you still get the point because it ricocheted off of them last. Um, and so even if you hit the block, it doesn't mean you're not going to get the point. Like there's, there's still other things that can happen. And so then thinking about how that's played out in so many other instances, um, We were singing, for example, so many times where you're like, you really wanna sing the note, like you wanna sing, you know, loud and full and powerful. But maybe there are other people in the room, maybe you're like in the car and everyone's singing along, but like you don't wanna like give it your all because you're slightly worried that somebody's gonna make fun of you or someone's like, or that you're gonna miss the note, you're gonna be sharp, flat, your voice is gonna crack or something and you're like, you're kind of embarrassed. So then you like, you pull off of it a little bit.

And that's one thing that messes you up.

Yeah, exactly. Because especially when it comes to like singing high notes, for example, like if you don't give it your all, then you are more likely to have your voice crack. Like you, you are more likely to miss the note unless you give it— you like, you've got to have the full force behind it. Um, and so we talked about like several instances in life where I'm like, I'm afraid, I'm afraid to do the thing all the way. Because if you do, if you give something your all, then you, you can be made fun of. And if you gave it your all, then you are getting made fun of. But if you're joking around, if you gave it 90% but then you were just kidding the last 10%, you weren't totally committed, and you get made fun of, well then, well, you didn't give it your all. So like, the, the criticism doesn't matter. It doesn't actually hurt you because you didn't, you didn't do your full effort. Um, and it's a way of hiding. It's a way of hiding from it. And Like I, I just realized, man, there's so many different areas in life where that, where I've done that, where I do that. And, and I do, I just like, it just got me thinking, man, is this gonna be one of those things? Is this business gonna be one of those things where I give it, I give it 90%, but I don't give it 100%? And if it doesn't work, if it doesn't go well, if I don't make the money or whatever, well then it's because I didn't give it the extra 10%. So I'm still capable. I say, I, I can tell myself, you know, well, I, if I had, If I had given it my all, then I would have made it, right? Right. But I didn't because of this circumstance, that circumstance. I'm in the military, we're overseas, we have a baby, blah, blah, blah. Like all these other things that are justifications, excuses, whatever. Um, but if I did give it my 100% and then I still don't make the money, then I am not enough. Is like that, that like I didn't get, I didn't do what I needed to do. I wasn't willing to make those sacrifices and therefore like I'm not capable. And that's like, those are the, those are the two sides that That like, it kind of looks like those are the two decisions or the two options that you have in the decision. And we don't want to be criticized. We don't want to be failures. So like maybe we don't commit ourselves wholly to something because then we have a reason to justify the failure in the event we do fail. So those are some of the things that we talked about. Um, I, I just want to hear your thoughts, dude.

Oh yeah. Uh, first thing that comes to mind. Is going headfirst into the unknown. My Men's Collective Retreat, which is my coaching program that I'm a part of right now, was a guy named Ben Carr came out, and I can share some of his stuff and a link to our podcast. But he talked about how, and he was born with a deformed face, got made fun of. He's a super short guy. Doctors were told him he'd never be able to do contact sports, and he ended up just whooping everybody's butt in wrestling. But he looks different, right? Like, yeah, super different. I can show you a picture of him and some of his stuff.

I've seen him.

The best. Oh my gosh. The best public speaker I've ever heard. Tied with Ed Mylett and Jesse Itzler. The best. And the crazy thing with him is I talked to him afterwards. I just wanted to say thank you and maybe snag a picture, which I'm actually kind of hesitant to do with people because I don't want to come across as fanboy. And I'm just like, dude, I want a picture with you. And dude, he pulled a chair up. He's like, dude, talk to me. What's up? And he just asked me about my life. So one of the best public speakers because he actually cares. He cares to sit down and talk to us. But back to that, one of his messages was like, dive headfirst into the unknown. Because that's what's gonna— and that was like the theme of our retreat when I went up to Utah at the beginning of the summer, was like, dive into the unknown, because on the other side of the unknown is where you're going to have growth and change and, um, maybe a little bit of discomfort, but that's where you have the good stories in life. The good stories in life don't ever really come from like not pushing yourself, right? Right. Um, so I think back to what you're saying is like Yeah, like, you could fail. And that's okay. One of the quotes that we repeated over and over and over again at the Spartan Experience I went to a couple months ago, yeah, was the man in the arena. It's not the critic who counts, nor the doer of deeds who says they could do better. The credit belongs to the man who's actually in the arena. And so like, some of those quotes are, and if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So like, it's okay to fail just as long as you go out, like, caring greatly, like actually going for it. And I think that's cool because like, so back to like some of my coaching too, and kind of relaying like, a coach is really nice to have is because they'll, they'll look at some of your thought processes and be like, hey, you're, you might have a, you might be afraid of what other people think of you, you might have a fear of loss. You might have a fear of not having. And I've talked through my coach, Corey, about all these different fears that I have. But the one thing is it's probably not a great decision to make a decision based off of fear.

Right.

And I actually have some decisions in my life where I'm like, man, do I take this route because it's less scary? Or do I take this route because it's actually what I want to do? And, um, there's, there's one thing to take in consideration when you're making these decisions or setting these goals is like, what is it in alignment with your values? Um, that's one of the things I've pulled from my coaching. And one of your big values, Jared, is building and creating. Therefore, like to live in accordance with your values, you attack this head on. Right. And, um, some of my values are just spending time with family. Creating experiences together and having like, like being able to build an empire for like my little family, right? Right. I don't need to, I don't need to own all the Walmarts in the United States or anything like that. I just, I want to create a solid empire for my family to where I can have more time with them down the road and not, and not, not sacrificing the time I have with them now. I think that's right. I'm going to put my nose to the grindstone for 5 years and never see my kids. And I'm like, no, I really believe you can do both. One of the best examples of that is our, my buddy Jeremy that has just killed it in real estate. And he's also been an amazing dad. So it's, it's possible to do both, but to your point, I love what you're saying because your coach is actually encouraging you to analyze why are you afraid to fail? Are you afraid to fail because of other people? Are you afraid to fail because you know, you're afraid of losing everything, or you're afraid you're not going to make it. Like, those are really good things to dissect. And once you figure out where the fear is coming from, you can then decide, okay, number one, I don't think— I think all these fears, it's like, what is it, the false— F-E-R— false blanks appearing real. There's an acronym for expectations. False experiences. I don't know. I can tell you right now. But yeah, fear, a lot of the fears we think up are just false evidence. Yes. Okay, there you go. You got it. False evidence appearing real. Thank you. And a lot of the fears we have are just thought up. Like you think about me knocking doors, dude. I can think up the craziest stuff in the world. Like, oh my gosh, what if I bagel today? Or what if that, what if this, Yeah, I'm just, no, I'm gonna go do, I'm gonna go think, what if it goes well? What if I actually sell 10 today? What if I do this? And that, that's actually motivates me to continue working. So instead of making things, uh, these decisions based off of fear, you make them based off of what you value and what excites you in your life. So that's what I like, I like all your coaching stuff. I'm super stoked that you have a coach, that you're working with a coach because it, it's going to be the biggest return on investment in your life. Maybe it doesn't even need to be monetarily. Biggest return on the investment. It just needs to be biggest return on your investment for you. Right. Because you can't really put a price tag on, and this is like the best coaching pitch is you can't put a price tag on your happiness. And that's why coaching programs can be hella expensive.

And yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, dude, so something I wanted to talk about is that over these last two weeks, dude, I've been thinking about Um, these moments, once kind of identified that, uh, there were times, there's been times in my life, many times in my life where I've held back from giving something my all. Yeah. And I, so I can, I can, I can go back in my Rolodex of memory and I can pick out all the pieces of evidence that say I'm, I'm too afraid to give something my all. I don't commit wholly to things, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, I've also been thinking, well, what about those times where I have given something my all, where I have just let it go and just you know, instead of keeping some things kind of bottled up inside, you know, the capacity, the fire, the magic, whatever you want to call it, instead of keeping that in, I've just like let it go. And there are a couple instances. I'll give you two of them. One of them is money related, one's singing related. So we'll start with the money one. So we used to sell tickets to just about everything under the sun. Like my whole time in Boy Scouts, my whole time in like in high school, I was always selling— oh, middle school too. I was always selling stuff for all the different fundraising organizations. Oh, whatever. And right next to our church building was a Gerard's Market. It's like a local grocery store, mostly like local vendors and stuff. Well, we'd go stand out there all the time, and that's where we'd sell just about everything. And it's like right down the street from our house. It was always super easy to go to. I could just like leave home in the summer or during the school year, go sell stuff for a few hours and then come back. The managers knew us and we had a good relationship with them. Well, There's one year where I had to sell tickets to concert tickets, I think, for choir. It was my last year in high school and I needed to sell tickets and I was trying to not just pay for my ticket for this festival we were doing. It was like the end of the year. It's called Festival of Gold. So you basically have to win gold as your rating in a festival the previous year to even be invited to compete at this Festival of Gold. And our choir is really, really good. It was like like ranked in the state as an— in the state of California as an excellent choir. And so we, we had a long history of Golds, and so we got invited to the Festival of Gold. It was going to be in DC that year, so I really wanted to go. And my mom sang in the same choir when she was in high school, like, you know, however many years prior to that. And so, uh, same high school, obviously different director at the time. And so I thought it'd be really cool if I could pay for my mom to go with us, and it was gonna be several thousand dollars per person. And so like, that was a ton of fundraising I was gonna have to do. It was already going to be hard enough to try and pay for my own ticket, uh, with all fundraising, but I wanted to pay for my mom's as well. I thought it'd be really cool end of the year, end of the school year, have my mom come with me. Our fam, we had found out about my dad's drug problem already by that point. So like, there was like even more incentive to like have my mom come with me. So, um, it's, uh, we had gotten tickets and I was, I was working, I, I worked like, like a full job after school most days. Um, and so I, I didn't really have time to sell and it was coming due. The concert was like the following weekend or whatever, and all of our money was due at the end of, it was like a Friday., at school basically. Um, and we were each given 20 tickets and each ticket was $5. So you had to come up with $100 every, like everybody had to come up with $100. And I hadn't sold at all, like for weeks I had not sold anything. So I was just working. I just worked so hard, you know, on like my job. I just didn't have time to sell. And so now it's Friday, uh, and at school I'm like, dude, what am I gonna do? I don't have any money. I haven't sold anything yet. So I talked to my choir director and I was like, hey, we are singing the national anthem for a home football game tonight. Can I bring you the money then? And he was like, he's like, fine, yeah, you can bring me the money. But then I was like, sweet, thank you. So after school, I like ride my bike home, like, frick, dude, I gotta sell. And so I go home, grab my tickets, and instead of just like going down in like our choir polo shirt to sell, I put on my full tuxedo because we have choir tuxedos, like with the coattails and everything, like white bow tie, white cummerbund, like really nice tuxedo. Put the whole tuxedo on and I ride my skateboard down to the Girard's in my tuxedo. So it was like a bright blue penny board that I, that I had. So I ride down in my tuxedo, I stash the penny board, and I stand out there and I sell. And I'm like, dude, I'm just selling. I'm selling until all these tickets are gone. And so I stand out there and I'm selling to everybody, like just pushing these tickets, dude. And several, most of the time people would say like, oh, I don't want to come, but so just give the ticket to somebody else, but here's, you know, $10, here's $20, whatever. And so they, when they didn't take the ticket, dude, I was like, well, I still gotta sell the ticket. You know, I didn't have to sell the ticket per the choir director, but I was like, dude, I'm not leaving here until I sell all these tickets. So I sell and I sell and I sell tons of donations. I mean, who's, you see this tall high school kid in a full-blown like coattail tuxedo with the white bow tie. It's like 100 degrees outside in September or whatever. Like, like you're gonna stop and you're gonna listen to what he has to say. Well, I sold $265 worth of tickets. In 2 hours standing out there. And I ride back, change clothes, hop on my bike, ride my bike down to the football game. And I get out and I'm late, a few minutes late. And I run up, like the whole crowd, like the whole choir is gathered and my choir director's there. And I run up, I run up to the front. I was like, sorry about that, Mr. Tuttle, but here's, here's $265. And he was like, what? I was like, I sold all the tickets, like all the ones you gave me. Got a bunch of donations. Here's the money. And I handed it to him and he turns, And he stops, like he stops when he was talking to everybody and he just, he makes an example out of me to the class and he's like, I hope you all saw what just happened, but like Jared just went out there and he hustled and he, I only gave him 20 tickets, but he sold $265 worth of tickets in the last 2 hours because this trip means something to him. And I hope this trip means something to you too. And dude, I just like, that will forever be ingrained as like one of my proudest moments is as a high schooler was that moment, you know, when I, I, I understood the stakes and I was willing to, to make it happen. And, you know, Ed Mylett talks a lot about like the energy that we give and the vibrations and the frequency that we, we're vibrating at, dude. And I promise I was, I was vibrating at a different frequency and people could feel it.

Yeah.

Um, and then there's, so the, the other example, um, uh, and I'll try to keep it short because I know we're already coming close on time. Um, I auditioned for a play or a musical in high school, um, that same year actually. And, um, I was always too afraid to do musicals. I love musical theater. I love musicals, singing, music, dancing, all of it. I love it. Um, but I was always afraid of like putting myself out there for a musical. Um, you know, other people are going to see it. Like, I, you know, I've got to— I, I've never tried it, so I don't even know if I'm any good. I just know that I like to sing and dance and whatnot. And so, uh, but it was, it was going to be Oklahoma, and it was the same musical my mom did when she was in high school, at the same high school. So I thought Well, maybe I should try out. And like, if maybe if I ask them like, hey, I'm on the volleyball team, like, can I still do both? And if they say yes, well, then I'll go ahead and audition. And so I decided to audition. You had to memorize a monologue and then you had to sing a song a cappella. And so I spent weeks, weeks memorizing this, this monologue. And it was by this, this Polynesian guy, this, he's a Samoan guy in New Zealand. So he's like this thick Samoan Polynesian— or sorry, this thick Samoan New Zealand accent. Uh, and so I'm like trying to imitate the, the accent as well. Um, and so I, I, I memorized. I just stayed after school and I practiced and I practiced. And then, uh, I practiced a song and I was like, well, it's a song from Les Misérables, um, that, uh, that Javert sings. So I'm— I practice. I'm like, all right, we're gonna go. And so I get up there, crushed the monologue. I was like, okay, that went really well. Uh, and then I'm standing there and they're like, all right, it's time for you to sing. And now we're— now imagine we're in a an auditorium that was built in the 1890s because our high school is old. And it's like all wood, this beautiful, beautiful auditorium. I mean, just like seats all the way back, like it's out of a movie. And it's like all the whole audience is dark. And then there's just like a little light way in the back, like very, very back. And that's where the choir director and the music theater director, like, we're both sitting way back there. And they're, you know, they're both in their like 60s or whatever. This older guy and older woman. Uh, and I'm like, they're on stage with like just the one light on me, you know, and I'm like, well, dude, this isn't intimidating at all, you know, like it's kind of like up here. Um, and so they said like, you know, go ahead and sing. And so I, I started singing and you can hear the, the, the acoustics in there. They're absolutely incredible because this, I mean, it's this beautiful ancient, you know, wooden theater, this, uh, amphitheater. And so singing and the song kind of builds up and builds up. And so I'm And I'm just going for it, you know, I'm just like singing and I can feel the sound bouncing off the walls and I can kind of like feel it filling me up. And as the song continues to crescendo, dude, I just continue to get louder and louder. I just project and just like sing with like my entire soul and my body and just like letting it go, letting the sound go and like come from within me and go out. And I could feel it like resonating in my chest and I could feel it reverberating off the walls. Like it was kind of like a natural frequency. Like I was in tune with the natural frequency of the theater. And dude, I was just singing and you could see the effect that it had on the faces of the directors. Like you could see it back there. And I'm, I mean, I'm loud. Like I'm singing and just belting out and it's, yeah, I think it was probably beautiful. Like it went really well. And I could see that it made a difference to them. Like they could hear the difference that this was coming from, this wasn't just a kid singing. Like this was coming from a place of depth. And like, I could— it was, it was just this incredible experience where like I'm being filled with the music and I was, I was just letting it go from within me. And, uh, I got picked up for the role, uh, ended up not being able to do the musical because it conflicted with volleyball and whatnot. So someone else ended up doing the role, but originally I got the, I got the role and they were like crushed when I was like, you told me I could do this and play volleyball and now you're saying I can't play volleyball? I'm playing volleyball. So I played the volleyball instead. But, um, But dude, like that, it's like that example, in this case it was music, but I feel like that fire lives within us and we have to find a way to put, to stop putting our own barriers up in front of ourselves to stop the sound from coming out, to stop the fire from coming out. And what I'm terrified of is if in that last day I just regret not having, you know, not having sung, not having let the fire out, not like letting it die within you. When you could let it go, you know? And I shared that with my coach, and she was like, she's like, how can we build the capacity of being in that let it go state, you know? And I'm thinking like Frozen, let it go, you know? But like, but like, that's— it's true, you know? And she was asking, she's like, I think it's a, it's a, it's an ability that you're gonna have to build. You're gonna have to practice being in that state, um, because if you're not familiar with it, if you're not comfortable in it, then you're not going to do it. You're gonna, you're gonna gravitate towards what you're most comfortable with. So you're gonna have to get comfortable with being in that state. And so we've gone back and forth of like, well, now as it relates to your business, what does it mean being in that state? What did that look like to you? And some of the things I told her were, it would be not caring what other people think when I invite someone to the Facebook group that I created for the website. You know, it would be not worrying about what people think when they see that I've posted about this credit card rewards company that I started when they've seen all the other entrepreneurial ventures that I've started and stopped for, you know, any number of reasons. It's not not caring about any of that because I'm still here, I'm still going. It would be not giving up when there's more regulations and compliance guidance that I didn't know about that's making it that much harder to put the content out there to get it in front of the right people. It's not worrying about that. It's taking that and saying, well, that just means fewer people are willing to do the work to make it, to be successful in here. So that means there's just less competition. You know, that's what that really means. And pushing through all of that, like it's inspiring. And, and now it's just got me thinking the question of like, and what I do, and is what I'm doing right now keeping putting me in that let it go state? Or is it withholding some of that fire? Um, is it pouring water on that fire instead? Because I'm too afraid to get out there and see what might happen.

Powerful question that she asked you. She says, what would it look like for you to be in that state more frequently? And then you start realizing like these are the things that I need to do. This is separate. I took a break from all social media this month and it was because I was just getting trapped and just like scrolling and stuff. But I haven't even— I guess it's been nice because I'm not caring what other people think of me at all. Like I'm just doing my own life and that's it. I've actually spent way less time scrolling. Like I'm way more present with my daughter. I don't find myself getting distracted as easily. But back to your thing, like not caring what other people think. I think that's one of the biggest things, man. It's one of the biggest things that hold us back. Maybe even in, I'd say even in my marriage too. Like, like caring, oh my gosh, like, even like, I got a catch, like my wife's beautiful. Like I married up big time. So I still think there's like, oh, I think I still think you should care. Like, this is what my wife thinks about me. Right? Like, to an extent, but You know, just doing, doing the thing or not being afraid to lead, not being afraid to like, this would be a perfect example. I think in my marriage, it's like, okay, it's time to do like, come follow me or study or stuff like that. It's like, do I wanna be the one to like impose? It's like, no, no, no. Like I should, I, I should do that. I shouldn't be afraid of like taking the lead on that one and just saying, hey, we're doing this. So I'm just thinking, I think what you went over there is amazing, man. Like, you're in a good spot with a coach who's challenging some of your fears and helping you fully commit. And that's like been a theme for my life this year. Like, I fully committed to a lot of things. Like, we're getting the house, okay, we're moving to the house, you know, okay, we're having another kid, let's— okay, let's have the kid. And then it's like, okay, now I gotta readjust and figure out how to balance all this again. That's how we grow. I think that, yeah, this year, man, you've kind of seen it probably on your end. For me, it's like I'm struggling to juggle a lot of stuff right now. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, I can actually say that, like, it's been a hard, I'm not saying this in a bad way, but it's been a harder year for me to like balance my job and the new house and the new kid and getting all that adjusted, but I'm slowly getting the hang of everything. It's just been great. So dude, I loved our episode today. I think the biggest invitation we'd have for you guys is to analyze, like, if you're not taking that jump, if you're not taking that risk or diving into that thing that you want to do, like, why? First of all, ask yourself, instead of just saying, go do it, like, kind of figure out like, why are you not doing it? What, what is valuable to you in your life? And are you living in accordance to your values right now? And if not, why? And think about it. If it's something so much as, you know, I'm worried about other people think, that's the false evidence appearing real. Nobody cares. Everybody's worried about what other people think about them. They're not worried about you. Yeah. Yeah.

They will very quickly forget that you invited them to whatever Facebook group for whatever business you started. Like, they will forget very quickly.

Yeah, that's why I've always loved doing missionary work stuff because I'm like, let's just swing. I've never worried about the no, you know?

Yeah.

And so when you invite people, just swing hard, you know, or when you tell people about your dreams, like, and you want to invite them to be a part of it, just invite them fully. Because if you invite somebody half-heartedly, or if you, if you go for your goal half-heartedly, like my favorite example would probably be Jared, when you're talking about instead of swinging hard and, and, and tipping the ball, how it works sometimes. But not all the time and how it actually could be your detriment if you don't go for it 100%. Right. The first thing that comes to my mind is like a backflip when I was at BYU. You kind of had to send it. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, you know, you always get up on your head, dude. Oh dude. I mean, the coolest thing about going to a BYU basketball game was seeing the 240-pound cheerleader do a backflip and, uh, wonder if he was gonna make it or not. The only times I, I didn't I didn't make it on my backflip were when I was, when I was scared to do it, and I was scared to commit 100%. So that's a really good example of, hey, you kind of got to commit full, you have to commit fully, otherwise you will end up on your head. So better to commit and go for it. And just take that step forward. One thing that my coach says, and I can end on this, and I'll let you finish this off, Jared, but One thing my coach says is that you don't need to know it all. You just need to know enough to move forward. And I think with that, you know, analyze what your fears are. Why aren't you moving forward? Um, with what, uh, with what aligns with you, it's worth asking. It's worth asking, like, it's worth wondering. You don't need to know everything. You just need to know enough to take a step forward. And, um, with that, more light will be shown, like more, more things will come to light as you just move forward. That's one thing that I appreciate with my coach as that I have right now is there's a lot of things I don't know right now, but okay, I just need to know enough to take the next step and that's enough sometimes.

So, yeah. Um, something I'll add on top of that. So thinking about, um, you know, looking in my past when I'm, when have I put up my own obstacles in front of myself, um, preventing myself from giving it my all and when I have given it my all, um, you have two different, uh, evidence, evidences, you know, one of them saying that you can't do it and one of them saying you can do it. One of them saying you are this way and one of them saying you are this other way instead. Um, and they're conflicting. And you could look at any aspect of your life, any quality that you're trying or habit that you're trying to develop or create, uh, an identity you're trying to develop. Um, and you could say, well, here are the 455 reasons why I can't do it, why I've never been this way and I would never be able to change. But if you look at the, the couple of options, a couple of, a couple of instances where you did the thing, you behaved in the way that you would like to continue behaving, just focus on those. Like, why would you focus on all of the, the other reasons in the past why you can't change, why you can't be a certain way, when there were times that clearly proved that you could do it? Maybe it was only for a few minutes, maybe it was a very, very short time, but if you've done it once, you can do it again. And now I'm thinking, like, when I'm doing things, I'm thinking, well, am I— is what I'm doing, like, am I putting up my own obstacles in front of me right now? Or what would I need to be doing right now to be letting it go, to be letting the magic inside of me out, for letting the fire go? What would I do right now? What would I say if I wanted to just give it my all. And what would I say if I wanted to kind of hide behind something and, and kind of run and be fearful and not really commit all the way and not really put myself out there? What would I say then? Because they're different. And so now you have the option to choose to behave in accordance with the belief that you, that you want to, you want to adopt. And every time you successfully do that, you have gathered another piece of evidence that says that you were that kind of person. So one thing that my coach has said is letting myself be successful. I need to learn to allow my own success. That's the term. I need to allow my own success and not get in the way of it. And so now, like earlier today, I was doing some stuff for my business and I was thinking, I was kind of standing, I was like kind of like slouched over and just feel like sitting here typing stuff on my keyboard and I thought, well, what would I do if I, how would I do this if I wanted to allow my own success? And so I stood up, I raised my desk, I stood up and I kind of rolled my shoulders back and I said, all right, let's turn on some music. You know, let's, let's get ourselves in a good mood and let's do this. And it like, it just changed the way that I interacted. You know, I did, I was doing the same thing, but I changed the way that I did it because I want to enforce that behavior of, well, what, what would I look like? Like physically, what would, if someone walked up here, what would they see? If they saw me allowing my own success. And, and I would, I would challenge everybody to say, you know, what, how would you look, how would you behave, what would you do if you were someone who allowed their own success? You start doing that, and soon enough you'll have enough pieces of evidence behind you to say that, yeah, you do allow your own success. And it doesn't mean you have to be 100% because, uh, there will be plenty of times where you don't, you get in your way, you screw up, you mess it up, whatever. Um, James Clear in Atomic Habits, he talks about how every time you do the behavior that you want to adopt as an— as a habit, as part of who you are, uh, every time you do that, you're casting a vote for the type of person that you want to become. And it doesn't have to be a unanimous vote, it just has to become a majority at some point. And so even if you're way, way behind on the majority count, you just got to keep doing it, you know, just keep stacking up those wins and stop thinking about the contrary evidence. And just start thinking about the positive evidence, dude. And I think that flywheel will start spinning.

We appreciate, uh, we appreciate everybody listening today. Jared, it's just fun to get back on, uh, recording with you. And, and, uh, Jared and I, I think we brought this up the other day. One of the reasons we did do this, aside from like wanting our mission to like grow, like this, our mission to help inspire men to build families. Um, this all kind of started when Jared and I would just hop on the phone. You mentioned the other day you would just ride your, your longboard or your penny board, and we would just talk just around a parking lot. Yeah, we just talk. And so last week we just got to talk off the cuff, like no, no recording. And, um, it's special to just have, uh, find a friend in your life that you can just talk to about life too. I think that's important. I think, uh, one of my buddies at church says the biggest miracle that Jesus had was that he was 33 and he had 12 really close friends, um, which is not common to be in your 30s and have good friends, you know? So, um, we invite— we, we, the reason why we started this is because we had such enlightening conversations that we wanted to share it with others. And so please share this with a friend or family, uh, that you think could benefit from it. That's how we can get this podcast out to more people and make a bigger impact, uh, Jared and I, this is not a monetized show at all. It's just us sharing what we love to talk about and us being real with each other. So share this with a friend or family that you think you could benefit, that you think could benefit from it. That's all we ask as a, as, as for sharing it with you guys.

So, all right. Well, Austin, it's been a great conversation, man. Really glad we, we hopped on this call and thank you everybody for tuning in. And Austin, I will catch you later.

See you, brother.