4 Dangerous Reasons You Fall In Love Too Fast

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World gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human.

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But what people do is they take these special moments and they turn them into signs. Because I had an amazing time with someone, because we had great conversation, because I felt an incredible connection, and that moment felt so special, it must be a sign of what I'm supposed to have with this person. I believe that is a complete non sequitur.

Hello and welcome. Welcome to 2021 and the first of our podcasts for the new year. We are back. This is the Love Life Podcast. I am your host, Stephen Hussey and hello, hello again. We've come off the back of a cozy Christmas break. We had a bit of decompression time, we had a bit of time off from the podcast, time to regroup and plan and our team had a rest and we spent some time together as a family as well, Matt and myself and our whole family and yeah, just having a bit of a holly jolly Christmas and New Year time and You know, had some chocolate, watched some movies, got a new Oculus VR headset, which is a wonderful gift right now because I can escape to a lovely virtual world anywhere I want, and which is convenient because we are in England under another, a third lockdown right now. So unfortunately, we all thought that, hey, once we peeled the calendar off the end of 2020 and get to 2021, maybe this whole disaster thing of 2020 will be over and the pandemic will just sort of slip away and we'll start fresh. Unfortunately, pandemics don't recognize calendar dates, so it is still going on. And, yeah, things got, you know, the cases got worse over Christmas, so we're on lockdown again. But there is long, you know, there's mixed feelings about that, but there's long-term optimism because of the vaccine on the way. So hopefully things get better as we go through the year. But here we are and I thought about what's the best thing we can do now with the circumstances we're in. Obviously people start a new year with lots of ideas about what they want, lots of thoughts about things they're going to change, things they're going to get right, goals they're going to set. And I thought well, You know, things feel unusual at the beginning of this year and you can't really, I was talking to my friend George and we said, you can't really plan ahead this year. You can't think of a bunch of resolutions you'd like to do, of, you know, things you'd like to do and places you'd like to go, because we just don't know, you know, we can't plan for June yet or September. We can't, it's hard to think that far ahead right now. What we said is, what is something we can do in January, right now, ahead of us that will make us feel incredible, that would leap us forward, that would make us feel like we really nailed the first bit of the year? And so we decided, let's just think of two to three habits we can come up with for the next 30 days for January that will make us feel awesome by the end of it. And I encourage you to do the same. Even if it can be work oriented, it can be taking care of yourself, it can be your body, it can be your mind intellectually, it can be habits around play. Like, just what are you not getting enough of in your life now? What is something you thought, Man, if I woke up and did that every day, I would really feel great about myself in 30 days? And let us know what you come up with. Email us at podcast@matthewhussie.com Or you can DM me on Instagram, @StephenHussie on Instagram and let us know what your habits are and how you're gonna commit to them because I want to get ideas from you as well. And yeah, I've been doing one myself where I write at least 300 words every day. Now, I frequently write more than 300 words every day, but I found that just having it as the daily practice Suddenly it becomes automatic, it becomes auto-focus every day, do something creative, 300 words, and it's just about getting the ball rolling. So think about what yours might be in any way you want. Another little one I have that I never, well, I rarely do, which is why I want this to be a daily habit, is moisturizing. Moisturizing my face. That's it. That's my 30-day habit. I just, wanna wake up and moisturize every day because I often mostly forget to do it and you know, I wanna take care of my skin. I hear that's a good thing for a grown man to do. So that's one of mine as well. So they can be very modest. But let us know what yours are. And I'm gonna pass over to Matthew now because we are also talking about love on this podcast. If you are new to it, we do talk about Matters of Love and Relationships. And we're talking about falling in love too quickly. You know, we just because we're in unusual circumstances, it doesn't mean the normal problems of love have gone away. We still hear from people who say they become prematurely committed to someone. They fall head over heels quickly when someone is great on paper or looks like the right match for them. They've been on a few dates and they think, oh my God, I'm so excited. Their hearts doing flips, some people even just from one moment with a person. And what Matt talks about in this video is the fact that many people overrate moments and underrate the signs the person is actually giving them. So the other person can have something completely different in their head about how they interpret this, but because we have a moment with them or a series of moments, we overrate those. instead of seeing the reality in front of us. So this video is going to tell you the dangerous reasons you fall in love too fast. And if you enjoy this podcast, and you don't already for the new year, subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher. If you're feeling really generous, please leave us a lovely review on iTunes. It really helps the podcast get noticed. And that is it for today. I'm gonna pass over to Matthew, but I hope you start those habits. I wanna hear from you if you do, and we'll check in on those. I'll let you know how mine are going at the end of 30 days, and we'll compare notes. All right, happy New Year. It's good to be back. It's good to have you back, and I'll see you soon.

I recently had a story come to me of a woman who met a guy on a cruise ship. She said they had the most incredible time, great conversation. They danced, they kissed. It was so, so special. She said, after that, he barely texts me. He never calls. But occasionally he does make time for me. And that confuses her because when they are together, she has an incredible time with this man. This is a story in one form or another that I have heard from women for years. And there is something fundamentally wrong with this kind of story. It's someone who's taking a moment with someone, a moment that was special and I'm not taking that away. We can have moments with people that are incredible, that are special and that are wonderful for their own sake. I'm not devaluing the moments, but what people do is they take these special moments and they turn them into signs. Because I had an amazing time with someone, because we had great conversation, because I felt an incredible connection and that moment felt so special, it must be a sign of what I'm supposed to have with this person. I believe that is a complete non sequitur. Just because we've had a great time with someone, it doesn't mean they are gonna be someone who invests in us, who actually moves things towards a relationship with us. What is it about us that takes a special moment with somebody and turns it into a sign of things to come? One, many of us are lonely and affection-starved. So when we get someone who makes us feel like we're connected, We hang on to it for dear life. Two, we want to fall in love. That makes us a biased judge because we look for evidence of things that might show us we are falling in love and that someone is falling in love with us. And three, an intrinsic human tendency to construct a narrative, to connect the dots between events, a kind of existential band-aid to the lack of meaning in our everyday lives. we should also be aware that some people, not everybody, but some people have that narcissistic quality of wanting to create huge swells of emotion in the moment. There's a wonderful moment in the movie the Talented Mr. Ripley where Jude Law's character, a playboy, a very charismatic charming man, is being talked about by his girlfriend and the best friend he's made in recent weeks. and his new friend Matt Damon is complaining to Gwyneth Paltrow that after such a close, intense friendship, he now feels like he's left out of the group. And Gwyneth Paltrow says, the thing with Dicky, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold. When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him so much. You see, someone can be the most incredible company and we can feel the most incredible connection to them, but that doesn't mean that they aren't selfish or narcissistic or frankly just not that interested in truly investing in us. Many people are very good in the room and then as soon as you're out of sight, they have forgotten about you and they are not reaching out. There are two things I want you to take away from this moment right now. One, unrequited love isn't romantic. It's emotional masochism. Now you may be saying to me, but Matt, he does have feelings for me. I know at my core that he does. Fine, let's assume that's true. Then you need to remember the second part of this message, which is that if he's not investing, the onus is on you to walk away. I want you to make this the year where you finally learn how to value yourself and create deeper meaning in your life so that you're happy, so that when the right person comes along, your decisions are driven by mutual investment, not by fantasies. If this resonates with you and you want me to be your partner in helping you achieve these two things, try the retreat program. It is the best thing I have ever created for accomplishing valuing ourself, true confidence and creating happiness and meaning in our lives. I'll leave a link here, matthewhussertreat.com and see you there.